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"A Day at the Beach"
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COLD OPEN
LESLIE TALKING HEADLeslie’s office.
LESLIEToday marks a historic moment for our great city of Pawnee. For the first time in nearly a decade, the Parks Department is organizing a pancake luncheon for both the police and fire departments. I haven’t been this excited since Amelia Bishop became the first non-Lutheran woman elected to our city council.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT MAIN OFFICE – MORNING D1
Leslie is briefing the office on the day’s agenda.
LESLIENow as you all know, this is bigger than huge. We’re on the verge of breaking a wall of silence that has existed between these two departments for far too long.
APRILWhy don’t they like each other?
LESLIEGroundhog’s Day 2002: our beloved Pawnee Pete tried to run back into his hole, signifying six more weeks of winter. Unfortunately, he found an open sewage drain instead and both the police and fire departments rushed in to save him.
RONI still maintain that they should have left him there. If that’s not a sign for another decade from hell then I don’t know what is.
LESLIE
At any rate, a physical dispute ensued over who should save Pete. There’s been bad blood between both departments ever since.
A beat.
APRILFascinating.
LESLIEHow would you like to be the lead social planner April?
APRILOh that’s alright, I, have a phobia of pancakes.
JERRYI can help Leslie! Gayle knows a great caterer.
LESLIEThat’s OK Jerry I’ve got this under control.
TOMAlright Leslie, I’ll be your social coordinator for this shindig. You know I’ve got the hookup on party supplies from my nightclub connections.
LESLIEWow Tom thanks for volunteering, I really appreciate the initiative.
TOM TALKING HEAD
TOMI couldn’t care less about this pancake luncheon. But the Tom Haverford touch equals a bomb party, and a bomb party equals bomb hunnies. It’s a good thing that the fire department is gonna be there, ‘cause people
are gonna be yelling “the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.”
END COLD OPEN
ACT I
EXT. PARK – MIDDAY D1
Leslie is walking with April and Andy down a path.
APRILWhy did we have to come out here again?
LESLIESince you two will be working with Tom to make sure this celebration is a smash hit, I figured I’d give you guys some inspiration by showing you the site of the 2002 Groundhog’s Day debacle and future location of our historic pancake luncheon: Arthur Rollins Park.
APRILBut Andy doesn’t even work for you.
ANDYLeslie’s gonna let Mouse Rat play a few songs during the luncheon, so I figured I’d help you out.
April smiles briefly at Andy.
LESLIEHere it is guys, the sewage drain that started it all.
The drain is a covered manhole.
ANDYHow did Pawnee Pete even get in there?
LESLIEDetermination, Andy, good ole Pawneean determination.
APRILOr the manhole was open.
LESLIENow as luck would have it we have this pavilion not even a hundred yards away that we can use for the pancake luncheon.
APRILSo you want to make peace by reminding them of what caused the feud in the first place?
LESLIEOh don’t be such a downer April, this is a perfect opportunity for both departments to come together and laugh over how silly this whole rivalry has been. Everything’s going to be fine.
April rolls eyes at camera.
INT. RON’S OFFICE – MIDDAY D1
Ben is growing frustrated in Ron’s office.
BENThere’s simply no way you guys can afford to host this event. You’ve gotta slash spending by forty percent and now you’re try-
RONI can offset the costs of the pancake luncheon by cutting funding for the senior citizen water aerobics program.
BENIf it’s that easy to cut why haven’t you already done it?
RONThe trail of red tape and broken promises runs wide and deep.
BENBut now you expect to just make it happen?
RONPrecisely.
BENEven so, this just isn’t feasible right now. Your department needs to be actively cutting programs, not just treading water.
RONHence my symbolic cutting of the senior citizen water aerobics program. When I am finished here we won’t even be moving in water, much less treading.
RON TALKING HEAD
In the Parks Department office, Ben is still in Ron’s office.
RONI have no interest in reuniting the police and fire departments. As far as I’m concerned they are both symptomatic of a government that is far too over-controlling. However, if you think I’m going to miss an opportunity for a pancake luncheon on the taxpayer’s dime, you’d have to be as stupid as, well, Ben.
BENI’m right here.
INT. SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE – EVENING D1
Tom is sitting with a table full of beautiful women.
TOMSo then I told her, “that’s not Mahatma Ghandi, it’s your mother-in-law!”
Everyone laughs.
PRETTY GIRLYou’re really funny.
TOMAnd you are smokin’ girl. What’s your name again?
PRETTY GIRLScarlett.
TOMSince when did Scarlett Johansson lose three years and twenty pounds?
The girls laugh. Jean-Ralphio enters.
JEAN-RALPHIOMy, my, my look at all these fly mamacitas. How are we doing tonight?
TOMJean-Ralphio! Glad you could finally make it! You’ll have to excuse me ladies, me and my associate have some business to attend to.
Tom leaves the table and pulls Jean-Ralphio aside.
JEAN-RALPHIOTommy baby, why aren’t we over by the action? I just got here.
TOMNo worries, we’ll have plenty of time to lay down our mack game once we throw the bombest party south central Indiana has ever seen.
JEAN-RALPHIO(slaps hands with Tom)
My man.
TOMDid you get me the hook-up like I asked?
JEAN-RALPHIOOh you know it, my boy said he’d loan us everything we need for free. All we gotta do is let him advertise.
Tom looks excitedly at the camera.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT MAIN OFFICE – MORNING D2
B-roll: Andy is at April’s desk, skating around and being goofy. She seems amused.
DONNA (V.O.)I’ve known there’s been something between those two for awhile. Andy turns into a five year old boy whenever he likes someone.
DONNA TALKING HEAD
At her desk.
DONNAThen again, even when he’s not in love Andy still only acts like he’s eight. Personally, I couldn’t do it. Handling all of this
(motions to body)requires a far more sophisticated man.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT MAIN OFFICE CONTINUOUS – MORNING D2
ANDYSo what are you thinking we should do for the breakfast luncheon?
APRILI don’t know.
ANDYI was thinking maybe Mouse Rat could do some pyrotechnics or something. Who could possibly not have a fun time during a killer lights show?
APRILYou’re latest album is all about how boring your hometown is.
ANDYSo?
A beat.
APRILSounds like a great idea.
Tom enters the office.
TOMWhat’s up?! How are my two favorite pancake underlings doing?
ANDYTom! Quick, what do you think about pyrotechnics for my band’s performance?
TOMUhhh…done.
ANDY(slight fist pump)
Yes!
TOMBefore we do any of that though, I need you two to come with me over to Jean-Ralphio’s tonight. I’m about to scoop up some serious swag for this luncheon tomorrow.
APRIL TALKING HEAD
In the hall.
APRILThere’s no way I’ll ever hear swag and luncheon in the same sentence again.
INT. CAFÉ – NOON D2
Leslie and Ann are having lunch.
ANNI don’t know, I feel like Chris is a really great guy, I mean he’s super positive and all but I can’t really tell if he’s that into me, you know?
LESLIEI know what you mean, I’ve really been stressing out about this pancake luncheon.
ANNThat’s not really what I was talking about.
LESLIEI even ran the idea by the police chief, but I don’t think he took me seriously.
INT. POLICE CHIEF’S OFFICE – MORNING DAY 2
LESLIESo I was thinking that this year it’d be a great idea for us to combine the police and fire department luncheons.
The police chief spits out his coffee in a fit of laughter.
POLICE CHIEFThat’s a good one Knope.
INT. CAFÉ CONTINUOUS – NOON D2
LESLIEI haven’t told anyone yet that I already finalized the plans.
ANNUh-huh.
LESLIEBut I mean how else are we going to come together as a community if the people sworn to protect us can’t get along?
ANNI’m sure you’ll figure something out.
LESLIEI know, you’re right. Guess they’re gonna have to learn to say ‘Knope’ to negativity. Heh that’s a good one I’m writing that down. Thanks Ann you’re such a great listener.
ANNAny time Leslie.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – AFTERNOON D2
Leslie, Ron, Ben, Chris and Tom are all discussing plans.
CHRISSo what’s the plan here team?
BENLike I was telling Ron, I don’t see how you guys can make this happen.
LESLIEWell Ben, after doing some number-crunching I can say with 88.7 percent confidence that we
can pull this off while staying within our budget.
CHRISExcellent!
BEN You just made that number up.
TOMOh yeah, and Andy’s been asking for some pyrotechnics for his show.
LESLIEAlright, 75 percent confidence. Either way this is gonna be such a great surprise!
CHRISOh I love surprises!
RONSurprise?
LESLIEWell, I haven’t technically told the police and fire departments that they’re going to be eating together yet.
RONPlease tell me this is just your twisted idea of a joke.
LESLIEAlright, alright don’t worry I’ll call them both today, if they don’t want to come then-
RONLeslie do you have any idea what you’ve just done? These men have been promised a celebratory luncheon with bacon, pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Even if you told them what’s
happening it’s too late. Both sides will attend for the bacon and the spite.
TOMOh snap! I can see the headlines now, “Groundhog’s Day Reunion Devolves into Bacon Fiasco.”
LESLIERon you’re way too worried about this, these are all mature, adult men we are dealing with here. I’m sure they can put aside their differences for a day.
RONYou’ve been warned.
BEN TALKING HEAD
Outside the conference room.
BENI’ve now officially decided to stay out of this one. Mainly because I really respect Leslie’s enthusiasm and I’d hate to trample on her dream this late in the game.
A beat.
BEN (CONT’D)Also because I want to disassociate myself from the inevitable fallout that will occur from this luncheon.
END OF ACT I
ACT II
EXT. SUBURBAN SIDEWALK – AFTERNOON D2
Chris and Ann are running together, Ann noticeably more tired than Chris.
CHRIS
Don’t you just love the view right now? Nothing like perfectly trimmed lawns and tidy porches to get the adrenaline pumping.
ANNYeah, it’s great.
CHRISBetter than great. Literally, masterful.
ANNI just enjoy running so much more when we’re doing it together.
CHRISAh, running with a partner is magnificent, but nothing can beat those quiet solitary mornings when the only sound you hear is your own feet slapping the pavement. Truly magical.
ANNChris, hold on I have to take a break.
Ann stops to catch her breath, Chris runs in place in front of her.
CHRISC’mon Ann Perkins! Your muscles are gonna stiffen up in a few seconds if you don’t keep moving.
ANNYeah, it’s OK I don’t think I can go much further anyways.
CHRISSuit yourself! I’ve still got another seven miles to go.
ANN
That’s alright, I’m close to home I’ll just head back. See you tomorrow for the pancake luncheon?
CHRISWouldn’t miss it for the world. Ciao!
ANNBye.
Ann gives a defeated look towards the camera.
INT. TOM’S CAR – EVENING D2
Tom, April and Andy are all riding over to Jean-Ralphio’s house.
ANDYSo what’s this swag you keep on talking about Tom?
TOMAll will be revealed soon enough my man.
APRILBe still my beating heart.
ANDYThis is gonna be so awesome, this is just the kind of gig Mouse Rat needs.
Tom pulls into Jean-Ralphio’s driveway.
TOMI know right? Jean-Ralphio knows a guy who’s gonna help us pimp this luncheon out of control.
APRIL TALKING HEAD
Outside of the car.
There’s no way I’ll ever hear pimp and luncheon in the same sentence again.
EXT. JEAN-RALPHIO’S HOUSE CONTINUOUS – EVENING D2
Tom rings the doorbell. After a few seconds Jean-Ralphio answers.
TOMWhat’s going on big dog? Sick crib you got here I-
JEAN-RALPHIOShhh my parents are sleeping. Meet me out by the garage.
Jean-Ralphio shuts the door and Tom, April and Andy move back to the driveway.
TOMMan, that’s really cool of Jean-Ralphio to let his parents stay with him like that.
April looks at the camera unconvinced. The garage door opens.
TOM (CONT’D)Whoop! There it is.
An assortment of Hawaiian accessories and tiki-themed paraphernalia abound. Jean-Ralphio meets them up again.
ANDYWow, it’s like a suburban luau in here. It’s perfect!
JEAN-RAPHIOYeah man you guys lucked out. I know the owner of The Bulge, and they just had a Hawaiian theme night, so he let me borrow all of this swag for a few days.
TOM
Jean-Ralphio, you’ve done it again, all the hunnies are gonna dig this. You sent out the invites right?
JEAN-RAPHIONo doubt Tommy, there’s gonna be more chicas than we can handle. All you got to do is bring your mack game and make sure to put up these banners promoting The Bulge.
Camera pans to several large banners with half-naked men.
TOMDone and done. This swag is gonna pimp out the pancake luncheon something ridiculous.
APRIL TALKING HEAD
April is in the driveway while all the guys marvel at the ‘swag’. She stares at the camera for several seconds in dismay.
INT. LESLIE’S OFFICE – MORNING D3
Leslie is polishing a photo frame of Hillary Clinton when Ron walks in.
LESLIEWell good morning Ron Swanson! Excited for this historic day? Tom, April, Ann and Andy are already setting up at the park.
RONI just came to pay my respects.
LESLIEWhy’s that?
RONChances are high that you will not be able to escape the impending doom that is this pancake luncheon.
LESLIEOh stop it Ron everything will be fine.
(raising voice)Don’t you think so Jerry?
JERRYIt’s definitely possible-
RONEnough Jerry. Listen Leslie it’s bad enough that this is actually going to happen, don’t make it even worse by not being prepared.
LESLIEI really don’t see what all the fuss is for, this will be a great bonding experience!
RONYou don’t understand. These men are in a rivalry. They’ve been tricked. For god’s sake there’s bacon on the line.
LESLIEYour point?
RONDo not underestimate what a group of hungry men will do when they are pushed to their limits.
LESLIEDuly noted. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to prepare this welcome speech I’m giving in a few hours.
RONYou’re writing your own eulogy.
Ron walks out of the office and Leslie begins to write.
LESLIELet’s see here, “Welcome, protectors of Pawnee, to this unforgettable occasion.”
EXT. PARK – MORNING D3
Tom, April, Ann and Andy are all setting up the decorations, everything is coming together nicely. Ann and Tom are putting up a banner from The Bulge.
ANNAnd then he just ran off.
TOMAnd he didn’t even kiss you goodbye? Pshhh I wouldn’t take it.
ANNI just don’t know what it means. He seems so genuine but at the same time I feel like he could just leave in a second and be fine.
TOMGirl you are trippin’. Look at you, you’re scalding hot. He would be an idiot to do something like that.
ANNThanks Tom.
TOMBut if he were to kick you to the curb, when you’re on the rebound don’t forget about the suave persona of Tom Haverford.
ANNAnd there’s the Tom I know and am thoroughly creeped out by.
TOMHey I can’t help my debonair nature.
ANNYour hand is cupping that man’s crotch.
Tom looks at the banner they putting up and let’s go in shock.
EXT. PARK – MORNING D3
Andy and April are decorating the pavilion.
ANDYSo now half the band wants to change our name to The Apathetic Sailors.
APRILThat’s stupid.
ANDYI know right, where did they even come up with that? Now I’d be OK with Rodent Blitz or even just keeping it Mouse Rat, but The Apathetic Sailors? That’s try hard.
APRILTotally.
ANDYI don’t know what we’re gonna do. If we can’t agree on a name then this band is, well, as good as dead. Which was another name we couldn’t agree on.
APRILHow about you compromise and become Apathetic Rat?
ANDYNah, still not inspired enough.
A beat.
APRILRodent Sailors?
ANDYThat is…brilliant!
April smiles at Andy.
ANDY TALKING HEAD
Away from the pavilion a bit, April in the b.g.
ANDYSometimes I feel like she has even more creativity than I do. I mean it’s crazy but Rodent Sailors is the exact kind of vibe I’ve been going for all along, I just couldn’t ever put it into words.
(looking back at April, then camera)I feel like a five year old kid again. I think I might be in love.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT MAIN OFFICE – LATE MORNING D3
Leslie has finished her speech and comes back out to address Donna and Jerry.
LESLIEAlright, it’s done! My peace-making speech for this historic day is complete.
JERRYIs it time for us to go then? I’m starving.
LESLIEThat it is, Jerry. However, I will not be filling my stomach with food, but instead I shall fill my soul with the taste of forgiveness.
DONNA
And I’m gonna be filling my eyes with the sight of a hundred men in uniform. Mmmm-mmm.
Ron comes out wearing a bib and holding a fork.
RONReady your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in hell!
LESLIEOh this is gonna be so much fun!
INT. DONNA’S CAR – LATE MORNING D3
Leslie, Ron, Jerry and Donna are riding together to the park.
LESLIEAlright so at 12:05 I’m going to deliver my speech and then we can start eating. Andy’s band will come on soon after, then right at 1:00 I’ll announce the winner of the raffle and we can spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the park. Sound good Ron?
A beat.
LESLIE (CONT’D)Ron!
RONI’m busy mentally preparing myself for this feast. I can no longer be bothered with petty details.
JERRYSounds good to me Leslie.
LESLIEI didn’t schedule any time for praise Jerry.
DONNA
What’s this about a raffle?
LESLIEWell, I figured what better way to ease tension between the departments than by having a little friendly competition.
(to camera)Introducing the Pop-N-Rock Gourmet Carbonated Beverage Machine! Just pour in one of our six prepackaged flavors, add high fructose corn syrup, and enjoy the taste of a homemade soda, just like mom used to make!
JERRYDoes it have grape?
LESLIEThat doesn’t matter, nobody from the Parks Department can enter the raffle.
DONNAOh my word. Look.
The car arrives at the park.
EXT. PARK – LATE MORNING D3
The pavilion itself is now a giant tiki hut, a performance stage is set up right next to it, and giant banners of half-naked men surround. Leslie races out of the car.
LESLIETom! What is all of this?!
TOMIsn’t it great? Best part: pro bono.
LESLIEThis is supposed to be a pancake luncheon, not some Samoan coming out party!
TOMOh yeah the banners. Look Les those were a necessary evil, I promised to put ‘em up in exchange for the decorations.
RON(patting Tom’s shoulder)
You’ve really outdone yourself.
A large bus pulls up. Jean-Ralphio emerges with a bunch of women.
TOMJean-Ralphio! Coming through once again!
JEAN-RALPHIO(slaps hands with Tom)
All I know how to do baby.
TOMApril and Andy, get these women lei’d!
April and Andy start handing out leis.
LESLIEHow were you able to afford this bus?
TOMStop your worrying, I just used all the money I would’ve spent on decorations.
LESLIEAnd what about the women?
TOMThe hunnies came for the free food, concert, and of course,
(gesturing to self)the TH.
LESLIE
OK, I can fix this. We just need to get all these women back in the bus and take down the banners before everyone gets here.
RON(pointing)
Your destiny awaits.
A bunch of cop cars start arriving from one end, a second later two fire trucks arrive from the other.
LESLIEOh for Pawnee Pete’s sake.
END OF ACT II
ACT III
EXT. PARK – NOON D3
The firemen and police officers start piling out, immediately noticing each other. The police chief runs to Leslie.
POLICE CHIEFKnope! Is this your twisted idea of a joke?
A beat.
LESLIESurprise!
POLICE CHIEFWe haven’t associated with those pole-riding fairies for nearly a decade, and now you want to remind us about what started the feud in the first place?
April looks unsurprised at camera. The fire chief has arrived.
FIRE CHIEFWho are you calling a pole-riding fairy you donut-brained desk jockey?
POLICE CHIEFI’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of your little fairy wings flapping!
FIRE CHIEFWhat’s that? I’m not fluent in wing dings.
POLICE CHIEFLet’s settle this once and for all then, my boys are gonna pound yours into the ground.
FIRE CHIEFI’m waiting!
LESLIEGentlemen enough! Can’t we put aside these petty differences? If you don’t want to interact with each other then just sit on opposite sides of the pavil-, uh, tiki hut.
TOM(holding leis)
Who wants to get lei’d?
INT. TIKI HUT – NOON
There are three long tables with the police on one end, the firemen on the other, and the party girls and parks department crew in the middle. Leslie is at the podium giving her speech.
LESLIEThank you all for joining us today for this unforgettable luncheon. For the first time since 2002, both departments enlisted to protect Pawnee are eating under the same roof. Though he is no longer with us, nearly a decade ago our beloved Pawnee Pete taught us a valuable lesson on that fateful Groundhog’s Day. He taught us that we must always stay vigilant. He taught us that a town is only as strong as the seal on its manholes. And he taught us, that a hog in a drain can make both sides blind.
(raises bacon)To Pawnee Pete!
A beat. Only a few people clap.
LESLIE (CONT’D)Oh and if you haven’t filled out a raffle ticket yet, you can do so in the back. Alright thanks.
RON TALKING HEAD
At the buffet line, piling bacon on his plate.
RONIt wasn’t her greatest speech.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT TABLE – EARLY AFTERNOON
Ann, Chris, Tom and Leslie are all eating, a few pretty girls are on the fringes.
TOMThat speech was crazy. That ending about rats in holes making people blind…blew my mind.
CHRISI agree. I thought you did a magnificent job, Leslie Knope. I was literally inspired.
LESLIEThanks guys I appreciate it, I know it wasn’t my best stuff though. I just hope it got through to them.
CHRISWell you can’t please everyone all the time. You just have to do your best and hope that everything works out.
LESLIEYou’re right. I guess that’s what I’ll do then.
ANNBut isn’t it also true that you have to work to show the other people how much you care?
CHRISNot necessarily Ann Perkins. If people are too self-conscious to see your positivity, that’s their problem, not yours.
Ann looks exasperatedly at the camera.
LESLIEIt’s out of my hands at this point. I just hope this doesn’t completely blow up in my face.
EXT. PARK – EARLY AFTERNOON
The cops and firemen are keeping their distance from each other. Tom and Jean-Ralphio approach a group of women.
TOMHello there ladies. The name’s Tom Haverford, but you can call me Tommy Timberlake.
GROUP OF WOMENHey.
TOMOh and you already know my buddy Jean-Ralphio, he’s the one responsible for this bomb party.
Tom and Jean-Ralphio bump knuckles and make an exploding sound.
JEAN-RALPHIOHow are we doing tonight ladies?
PRETTY WOMANIt’s the afternoon.
JEAN-RALPHIOLast I checked tonight does come after noon.
The group of women looks at Jean-Ralphio with uncertainty.
EXT. STAGE – EARLY AFTERNOON
Andy’s band is performing. April, Ann and Chris watch on.
CHRISWell this has been just an awesome day so far. Don’t you think so April?
APRILPeachy.
April looks at the camera.
ANNSo Chris, what do you think of Andy’s band?
CHRISRodent Sailors? I think they’re fantastic.
ANNYeah they’re definitely, unique.
APRIL(snappy)
You’re unique.
CHRISI am literally in love with this sound, reminds me of my college days.
ANNSo, what else are you in love with these days?
CHRISWell let’s see, my grammy Mee Maw, kale, reruns of I Love Lucy-
APRILShe wants to know if you love her. You two are beyond dysfunctional.
April walks off. Ann and Chris look at each other.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
Leslie is just outside the tiki hut.
LESLIEYou know, despite the rocky start I think this luncheon is doing alright. I mean, the police and fire departments aren’t really talking to each other, but if my parents
taught me anything, it’s that a relationship based on strained silence is good enough.
INT. TIKI HUT – AFTERNOON D3
Leslie is at the podium and has assembled roughly half the people into the tiki hut. The rest are listening to the band and playing in the park.
LESLIEAnd now it’s time for the main event, let’s find out who won the raffle! April could you please hand me the winning ticket.
April slinks up to the podium and hands Leslie the ticket.
LESLIE (CONT’D)Thank you very much. And now for the moment of truth, drumroll please.
Jerry starts rapping his hands on a table, Donna shakes her head at this.
LESLIE (CONT’D)The winner of the first inaugural Groundhog’s Day Remembrance Pancake Luncheon, and proud owner of a brand new Pop-N-Rock Gourmet Carbonated Beverage Machine is…Richard Macklin of the Pawnee Fire Department!
All the firefighters cheer.
POLICE OFFICERThat’s bull, they probably rigged the whole raffle!
All the police officers loudly support this.
LESLIENow, now guys there could only be one winner-
FIREMANWe rigged it? What about the 2000 intramural basketball championship? You think we don’t remember that no call?!
All the firefighters become uproarious.
LESLIEGuys, guys! There’s no reason to get so heated! It’s just a raffle it’s not like the world’s going to end or any-
Andy’s band sets off its first round of pyrotechnics far too close to the tiki hut. The noise is deafening.
LESLIE (CONT’D)What was that?!
TOMAndy’s pyrotechnics!
A woman outside the tiki hut screams.
SCREAMING WOMANThe roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!
TOMWe don’t need no water let that mamajama burn!
Camera pans to Tom, who smiles at it excitedly. Everyone panics and runs out from under the tiki hut as the thatch-roof becomes covered in flames. Chaos everywhere. A man’s yell can be heard.
DONNAJerry fell in the manhole!
EXT. PARK – AFTERNOON D3
The fire has been put out and Jerry has been recovered from the manhole. Cops and firemen are seen interacting with each other.
Leslie meets up with the rest of the office minus Jerry.
LESLIEJust finished talking with the police chief. Is everyone OK?
RONI’m fine. Tried to save as many of these guys as I could.
(raises bacon strip)We lost a few good men in there though.
ANNHow’s Jerry doing?
LESLIEOh he’s fine don’t worry about him.
TOMHow was he even able to fall in there?
LESLIEI don’t know, someone must have removed the manhole cover.
Camera pans to April, who stares it down.
TOMNah I figured that Knope, I meant that Jerry’s huge! I’d think he woulda just got wedged in there a bit.
LESLIEI don’t know Tom. All I do know is that this whole day has been a disaster.
ANNWell at least the cops and firemen seem to be getting along for some reason.
EXT. PARK – AFTERNOON D3
B-roll: Several shots of firefighters putting out the fire, policemen saving Jerry and both departments working together.
LESLIE (V.O)A funny thing happened here today. Just when all hope was lost, two accidents simultaneously occurred so that both departments could feel useful. Once they both saw how effective the other one was, well, the process of healing could begin.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
Leslie is on the fringe of the park.
LESLIECoincidence? I don’t think so. It really is serendipitous how both departments needed another hog to fall in the sewer before they could make amends. I truly believe that the inconceivable mysteries of a higher power guide this state. Now, nobody knows what it really means, but then again, I guess that’s why Indiana is called the Hoosier state. Just so long as there’s peace in Pawnee, I’m OK with that.
END ACT III
TAG
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT MAIN OFFICE – MORNING D4
Leslie, Ron, Tom, April and Donna.
LESLIEI want to thank you all again for your great work yesterday. I know things didn’t go as planned, but in the end, the job got done.
RON
And I would like to congratulate you, Leslie. Somehow, your blind persistence has once again trumped calm rationality.
LESLIEOh thanks Ron!
RONThat wasn’t necessarily a compliment.
TOMAll I know is that party was bangin’! I got two numbers, and only one of them was fake.
Tom gives the camera a thumbs up.
DONNAMmm and the sexy banners you put up? Completely set it off.
APRILHe only did that so he could get all of his pimped out luncheon swag.
TOMThanks for the assist April, but the love’s still appreciated my Nubian queen.
LESLIEYou know I still wonder though, why was that manhole open?
EXT. PARK – LATE MORNING D4
April and Andy are goofing around.
APRILI’ll give you five bucks if you go touch the bottom of that sewer.
ANDY
How do I know you’ll pay me?
APRILOpen it.
Andy opens the manhole and April crumples up a bill and throws it down.
ANDYBe back in a jiff, m’lady.
Andy climbs down the hole. His head pops up a bit later.
ANDY (CONT’D)April I can’t find it anywhere.
April soaks Andy with a water hose from off-screen, and he runs after her, leaving the manhole open.
JERRY TALKING HEAD
In the hospital by himself.
JERRYYou know, I think my luck is already turning around. As soon as I fell down there
(holds up bill)I found five bucks!
END TAG
