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7/29/2019 Parenting the Family Circus eBook
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Parenting the Family Circus
The Art of Gracefully Running
Life Under the Big Top
The Laundry Moms Parenting E-Book
Authors under the Big Top:
Terri Bonin, Kali Gillespie,
Erin Lichnovsky, & Angela Rose
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INTRODUCTION:
The Greatest Show on Earth
The family is Gods idea. It is the place where
mankind is born, where infants are nourished,
children are corrected, hearts are shaped, boys
become men, and girls transform to womanhood. It
is the genesis of a culture, the heartbeat of a
society, the strength of a nation, the laboratory of
life. Family is Gods plan, it is unequivocally the
Greatest Show on Earth.
Family is where we grow, we heal, we risk, we
dream, we love, we forgive, we thrive, we learn. It is
the backdrop in which the Lord of Heaven came
down to earth. Family is Gods plan, and God has
provided us a blueprint to follow for parenting. He is
the perfect parent, and we look to Him for guidance
and direction for this marvelous adventure.
In this book we are sharing our motherly wisdom
gained from a combined 100 years of parenting 38+
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children (yes, you read that right!) in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord and His ways.
We are real women with all the real challenges
you face in your parenting. It is our firm conviction
that not only can children be successfully raised in
todays wild and crazy world, but that raising
children to understand right and wrong as defined
by God is the only way to help them navigate
through their childhood with their precious spirits
intact.
We offer this book to you as a gift of love and our
vote of confidence in your parenting.
If God has given you children to nurture, then He
will surely help you to raise them.
Now, if youll direct your attention to center
stage, the show will begin!
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. The Cast of Characters:
Establishing a Chain of Command
2. The Three Ring Circus:
Juggling the Personalities in Your Home
3. The Care and Feeding of our Performers:
Back to Basics
4. The Great Balancing Act:
Finding Balance in Everyday Life
5. Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency
Learning to Stand Firm in Life
6. Lions and Tigers and Bears- Oh My!:
The Influence of Media in the Home
7. View from the High Wire:
Parenting with Vision
8. The Freak Show:
Keep Your Cool Over Appearances
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9. Keeping Those Balls in the Air:
Routines and Chores
10. The Importance of Intermission (for Mom):
Taking Time Out from the Spot Light
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The Cast of Characters:
Establishing a Chain of Command
by Terri
Families come in all shapes and sizes, from
newlyweds to multi-generations living under one
roof. Just as the family was Gods idea, He also set
up a no-nonsense order of authority, which you
could also call a chain of command.
Establishing a chain of command takes
consistency. If a parent lacks follow through, the
kids will set themselves up against each other and
dissention will reign.
My kids know that ultimately Daddy has the last
word, but if he is not home and it is a trivial matter,
Mom lays down the law.
Tip!
Establishingachainofcommandwillkeeplifesimpleinthehome.
Whenaclear,loving,respectableauthorityispresent,justiceand
peacewillflowfreely.
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After that, younger children are to listen to older
siblings since the older ones KNOW the boundariesand expectations under our Big Top.
We practice the chain by the order the kids sit at
the dinner table and in the car. It may seem small,
but the younger ones know that the older ones get
to sit closest to Mom and Dad. As their siblings
grow up and move out, the little ones move up in
the row. This practice solves seating arrangement
disputes and teaches the little ones to respect their
older siblings.
Mommy Said!
I heard a scuffle in the other room. It sounded
like an argument over a beloved toy. Little voices
escalated, drowning out the peace in the house.
I tried to ignore the noise, hoping the tots wouldwork it out. I wanted them to be little men and settle
the dispute maturely.
The next thing I knew, a short person was
tugging on my shirt. Mom, Caden took my sword
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and he wont give it back. He says its his toy, but
you gave it to me for my birthday.
Tell Caden, Mommysaid to give it back.
The look of defeat left Samuels countenance
and he bounded into the other room with
confidence, Mom saidto give it back to me, NOW!
My kids learn early that theres power in my
name. Power to return stolen toys or grant a cookie
before dinner, power to allow mix-matched shoes to
be worn to church on Sunday, power to grant
permission for a sleep over.
Mommy said is the dreaded verbal command to
any offender in our family and the assured victory
cry of the offended. Mommy said can change
everything in an instant.
But Mommy is not always under The Big Top.
For the kids safety, setting up a clear chain of
command is essential.
When Mommy and Daddy are both away from
the house, the young ones MUST know that the
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oldest siblings carry the authority in our name. We
have taught the kids by the way we live daily howthe rank falls. Little enforcements such as the right
to sit near mom and dad teach the little ones the
rank.
For instance, when Daddy is away during
dinnertime for an emergency patient, the oldest son
moves up the table and sits in his chair. He prays
for dinner and leads the highs and lows, our
familys way to get each person at the table to talk
about the high point and low point of their day.
Everyone moves up a chair and the kids learn
through practice that they each will move up in rank
in due time. As the Ring Masters wife, I train the
circus whether the Ring Master is home or not.
Teaching our Cast of Characters the chain of
command keeps order in our home.
I can trust that when my husband and I take a
night away, the young ones will obey the voice of
the oldest Character in charge.
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This could save a life if they are playing outside
and this gives the Ring Master and me the freedomto enjoy our time away from our Circus.
Ultimately my children know that The Ring
Master and I answer to a Higher Authority, and that
all the power is in His name.
We desire our Characters to respect Heavenly
and earthly authority, so we practice the chain of
command under our Big Top.
Lovingly teach your clowns the chain of
command and watch order come to your circus.
ThenameoftheLord
isastrongtower,
therighteousman
runsintoit
andissafe.Proverbs18:10
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The Three Ring Circus:
Juggling the Personalities in Your Homeby Angela
Life can truly feel like a three ring circus at times
when managing a busy household, especially if you
have multiple characters under one big top.
When God gives us many different personalitiesin our homes, we sometimes feel exhausted trying
to juggle the moods and different qualities everyone
brings to center stage!
You might have a lion tamer personality, a
clown, a tightrope walker, and maybe even
someone who does not want to be in the circus at
all, but would rather travel around taking the stance
of no cruelty to animals.
Tip!
LearnthePersonalities
inYourHomefor
morePeace&Harmony
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So many different people under one roof does
make for an adventure when trying to keep life inorder. It also takes effort to discover the direction to
encourage each performer, especially when
seeking their God given talents.
The Master Planner created each one of us with
different strengths and weaknesses. Realizing this
allows us to gain insight into accepting those
qualities without putting a damper them.
We can encourage the clown to be the center of
attention and make everyone around himself laugh,
and we can understand why the tightrope walker
insists on being so precise in everything she does!
It is vitally important to know when to encourage
the Ring Master to lead, but also make sure he or
she has a humble heart. He must lead with
sensitivity toward his fellow siblings who have
different personalities than he does.
My own Big Top has every personality present,
which used to cause many tears and much
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heartache wondering why this child or that one
could not just think like me.
I would try to motivate one child to keep her
room clean when all she wanted to do was color or
play outside.
I also had a child whose bed was made before
breakfast, and whose school work was done by
noon. This was not only frustrating, but also
confusing as a young mom wanting to keep rules in
and order about our day!
At one point, my analytical husband was trying to
communicate with my very artistic child. He wanted
to make sure her feelings were not hurt. The
different personalities on display were so far from
each other!
I felt like I was in the middle of a circus and allthe animals had been let out of their cages!
I was concerned that their relationship was
headed for a lions den. We needed to do
something fast before this child acted out her
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frustration by running into the arms of some Mr.
Wrong to feel loved and understood!
Communication is so vital when dealing with
many different personalities in your home. Allowing
each personality to feel accepted and honored is
the key to helping everyone feel a part of the team!
Each blessing from heaven was strategically
placed in your family in order to cover each others
weaknesses and benefit from each others
strengths so you can work together with diversity in
harmony as a complete family.
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Thinking Outside the Box:
Planning the Life of Your DreamsBy Angela
Our family had just experienced a fun-filled
evening at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.
We were laughing, singing, and talking as we drove
home.
I asked each child in turn what his or her favorite
part of the rodeo had been. Everyone was sharing
in the excitement. In the energy of the moment, I
told the kids that they could be anything God had
put in their hearts to be when they grew up!
I just wanted them to have the freedom to dream
big dreams about their future!
To encourage them, I began asking each child,
What would you like to be when you grow up?
Chelsie, the oldest, said she wanted to be an
artist.
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Levi, the youngest at the time, said he wanted to
be a cowboy, no doubt influenced by his Daddy andthe more than 50,000 cowboys we had just seen at
the rodeo!
Then I asked Bailey, our middle child, what she
dreamed of being. In her cute 5-year-old voice she
bellowed out, A TENNIS PLAYER!
What? Did I hear her correctly?
NO ONE in our family had ever played tennis, or
even been to a tennis match.
Our dog didnt even own a tennis ball the kidscould throw for him!
Where in the world did this come from??
Trying not to sound like I was in shock, and
wanting to play the encouraging, ever loving
mother, I replied, WOW, thats sounds interesting
Bailey! How did you decide that you wanted to
become a tennis player?
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She ever so light-heartedly responded, Oh I
dont know. The outfits are just so cute!!!
We all roared with laughter. Thats our Bailey,
her Daddy acknowledged, realizing that our little
fashionista was, even at an early age, thinking
totally outside of the box!
You have different personalities in your home,
just as I do. We must learn to encourage each one
in their own strengths for the Glory of their Father in
heaven!
Theeyecannotsaytothehand,
Idontneedyou!
Andthehead
cannotsay
tothefeet,
Idontneedyou!
Onthecontrary,thosepartsofthebody
thatseemtobeweaker
areindispensable,
andthepartsthatwethink
arelesshonorable
wetreatwith
specialhonor
1Corinthians12:1
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The Care and Feeding of our Performers:
Back to Basicsby Kali
When things get a little crazy in our circus/home,
Ive learned (at times, the hard way) to take a few
steps back out of the ring and make sure were allgetting the basics: good food and good sleep!
These two vital life requirements so often get
pushed aside to the already narrow margins of our
lives. And oh, do we suffer for it.
I know what happens when I forget to consider
the "main act" of my life- and Ive learned I must not
undermine the importance of it.
What really should be the sideshows often
include the activities that end up squeezing out the
Invainyouriseearly
andstayuplate,
toilingforfoodtoeat
forhegrantssleep
tothoseheloves.
Psalm127:2
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priorities.
How often do you find yourself rushing out the
door, missing breakfast, to get one of your kids to a
music lesson on time?
Or coming home at the dinner hour after a
soccer practice or dance class, with no dinner
prepared?
Do you end up throwing on some pasta and
jarred sauce, with no time to make a salad?
After too many days in a row like this, before we
know it, theres more tears than smiles, more freak-outs than laughter and way more stress than
peace. The minor problems start to look like majors,
and show time is just no fun at all.
Contrast that scene with happy productive
children, and parents that fall into bed at the end of
the day, exhausted but satisfied. The proper care
and feeding of our families is truly the foundation of
successful lives.
There's also something restorative that takes
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place when we allow ourselves the pleasure of
spending time without rushing to make a big pot ofsoup, maybe baking some bread, or chopping a
huge bowl of veggies for a big salad.
Meals don't need to be extravagant to be healthy
and nourishing! Simple stews, soups, roasted
veggies and salads with fresh breads can all be
prepared in under an hour. (Check the archives for
some fabulous recipes here!)
Next to food, the other back-to-basic remedy is
the ever-coveted sleep. Years ago, a friend
recommended the "8:30 Prescription" to me.
This is a simple yet brilliant solution guaranteed
to alleviate a whole myriad of ailments!
The remedy is simple: go to bed at 8:30 pm for
three nights in a row!
To really ramp up the sleep benefits, take action
to improve the quality of those precious zzzz's.
Blackout curtains, earplugs, and wool bedding
can really boost the restorative process. Cut the
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afternoon caffeine, go for a brisk walk in the late
afternoon and sleep should come easily bybedtime. And who doesn't want to feel more
rested?!
Better sleep, and more of it, is the best cure for
fatigue (of course), mood swings, colds & flus, and
pretty much any other ache & pain. And make sure
those little ones are in bed on time too!
Add an afternoon cat nap to your Back to
Basics focus of good food and early nights, and
you and your troupe will be back on the flying
trapeze in no time!
Thereisnothingbetter
foraperson
thanthatheshouldeatanddrink
andfindenjoymentinhistoil.
ThisisfromthehandofGod,forapartfromhimwhocaneat
orwhocanhaveenjoyment?Ecclesiastes2:24-25
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The Great Balancing Act
Finding Balance in Everyday Life
by Erin
Remember, as far as anyone knows,
we are a normal family!
This sign hangs proudly on the wall in our
kitchen. It has become one of our informal family
mottos, reminding us not to sweat the small stuff
and that, though we may LOOK like a circus side-
show, normal is a relative term.
TIP!Parentinginthemoderneratakeswisdomanddiscernment.Knowing
yourchildsbentinlifecanhelp
youtodecidewhichactivitieswill
addvalue
toyourfamilyandwhichones
will ull oua art.
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I grew up in the 70s. My dad worked a traditional
job as an engineer with NASA, my mom worked asa realtor. I had an older brother and a few friends
my age to play with, but for the most part, I felt
alone, and always wished I had more people
around.
Anyone looking at our home would have called
us a normal, middle-class family.
While some may have thought that life was
normal, to me, there was a longing, an angst, that I
just couldnt identify.
Gilligans Island and Charlies Angels were both
a reflection of my life both were void of infants,
toddlers, and little kids.
The thing is, I rarely ever saw babies or younger
kids, unless their last names were Partridge orBrady. Never in my wildest dreams would I have
imagined a home like the one Im currently
managing, which is a busy family of ten people.
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Though oftentimes we feel like were living out
our own sit-com, within our small three bedroomhome lives a daughter preparing for marriage,
working two part time jobs and attending college full
time; a son who is a full time college student, also
working a part time job and running a music studio
from our home; a 16 year old daughterhomeschooling full time and teaching ballroom
dance lessons, while also interning weekly for a
local doctor and interning for a theater company; a
13 year-old son who interns at a local restaurant in
order to be a professional chef, while completing
his weekly homeschooling requirements and
participating in theater; and four little girls who are
10, 8, 5, and 2, each at different skill levels
academically; all full of life and creativity.
My husband, a gifted musician and songwriter,works from home on four different jobs in order to
provide for our growing family.
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I mainly stay home with the family, cooking,
cleaning, reading, writing, schooling, disciplining,and child training all the crew.
Over the years I have worked part-time from
home for a local Classical school my kids attend as
well as tutoring on the side several hours a week.
To the outsider it looks like were a little crazy.
To society we dont appear normal.
But were not living our life for them
Balancing family life was not learned in a book,
or growing up. It came from years of on-the-job
training. My childhood, though pleasant and happy,
didnt prepare me for the crazy schedules we keep
today.
When I am asked the question, How on earth do
you do it all? my heart wishes I could pull up a
chair and sit with the questioner, and tell them the
story of how hard it was finding the balance.
For years we learned by trial and error that every
child does NOT have to play sports just because
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one did. We learned that every child does NOT
need to be in choir because the oldest was. Thebiggie was that just because the church doors were
opened, that did not mean we needed to be there
every time.
We learned the difference between good, better,
and best, and that sometimes we can be closer to
the Lord as a family by just staying home on
Sunday and Wednesday nights.
We learned the value of margin time, and
keeping our Saturdays open for whatever came up.
Most importantly, we learned that not every day
needed to be scheduled. God, in His sovereign
ways, equipped us to roll with the tide over the
years by giving us all these kids and teaching us
that flexibility is not only a virtue, but an essential
one.
The great balancing act happens when God, the
author of perfect order and balance, is the center of
the home and parents the parent.
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That means that we forget about what anyone
else expects of us, and simply try to live up to whatwe believe God expects of us.
ThussaystheLord:
Standinthewaysandseeandask
fortheoldpaths,wherethegood
wayisandwalkinit;thenyouwill
findrestforyoursouls.
Jeremiah6:16-17
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Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency
Learning to Stand Firm in Life
By Terri
Children yearn for strong parents who
are rel iable and consistent. An inconsistent
parent is undependable, unreliable, and
ult imately disappointing to a child.
A parent that blows with the wind wil l
raise children that do not respect authority,
boundaries or deadlines.
Before I had children, I imagined myself
Tip!
Beingconsistentisoneofthemostimportantdisciplineswe
exerciseasparents,andoneof
themostdifficultones.
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l iving out daily routines with my litt le ones
morning, noon, and night. Then I had a
REAL baby and everything changed.
My perfect l i t t le circus rings came to l i fe
with fire! Jumping through hoops was no
longer so easy. Exhaustion challenged my
priorit ies as I struggled through completing
the daily tasks of a homemaker.
I realized that my children were growing
and the chores were, too. Training the
hearts of my children MUST become as
important as the daily household chores.
Simply dressing and feeding kids is SO
MUCH EASIER than taking the time to get
in the ring with them and shape their souls.
The truth is we only have a short window
of opportunity to shape them before
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permanent habits set l ike cement blocks in
their character.
Consistency is inconvenient, but
essential if our family circus is going to
perform in sync. Without consistency our
family Big Top will be fi l led with untamed
wild animals running amuck.
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The Inconvenience of Consistency
by Terri
Suitcases sprawled over the rooms,
begging to be zipped and put away after
our tr ip. Laundry fel l off the folding table,
begging to be hung and put away. The baby
wore a soggy diaper, with only one left on
the shelf.
Several children scurried around the
house, passing the last toi let paper rol l
from bathroom to bathroom. I knew this
from the voices hollering, Can someone
come help me, please?
Everywhere I looked, something begged
to be cleaned, put away or restocked. I felt
out of sorts with the household in such
disarray, and disorderliness pursuing hard
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and fast in our home after many days away.
Urgent chores negated the peace that
our vacation had so lavishly bestowed on
my soul.
So many odds and ends reached for my
attention, called for my t ime, and begged
for my hands.
As I surveyed the demanding to dos
that screamed so loudly, a soft, tender
voice penetrated my thoughts as my three-
year-old announced, Its time for Bible.
He knows our normal routine.
Drip, drip, drip
His milk spil led off the
table and onto the f loor, adding to the
unsightly chaos.
I took my eyes off of my keys and
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brought my unruly thoughts back into
submission.
I could not escape to Super Target and
nurse a Venti-latte while I shopped.
My anticipated mini break was pushed to
the back of the l ine for the moment.
Reading with my son was the most
pressing thing on my to do list that
morning.
His precious, fast growing soul would not
wait for me to get i t together before I
focused on him.
He was being shaped, whether by my
effort or by my neglect.
He was being shaped whether I did the
shaping or not.
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Indeed, everythingelse could wait.
I said, Yes, it s time for Bible.
We called the rest of the kids into the
den for our morning reading. We read about
David and Goliath.
I needed a hero like David, an example
of courage; of doing the hard thing, of
stepping forward in faith regardless of
outward appearances.
The story comforted me and energized
my young boys. After our t ime together,
they excitedly talked about if they were
David and dreamed of slaying their own
giants.
Courage, strength, and love were sewn
in stitches into my kids souls while the
urgent work impatiently waited for my
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attention.
The urgent things never leave. They will
press their demands into my days for the
rest of my l i fe. These children, however,
will not.
Their cherub cheeks and goofy laughs
will grow into busy adult l ives, whether I
stop and take part in their training or
neglect i t al l together.
The truth is I always do what I deem truly
important, whether i t s convenient or not:
I regularly tie my tie my tennis shoes and
head out the front door for a brisk evening
walk because energy is important to me.
I go on regular dates with my husband
and I enjoy his company because my
marriage is important to me.
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I take my vitamins in hopes of remaining
strong for my family long into the evening
of my l i fe because health is important to
me.
There is time in my day for each truly
important task. If I really want something
badly enough, I si lence the urgent,
sacrifice other to dos, and accomplish
the important.
My kids souls are importantto me. They
are the future generation that wil l slay
giants or cower in fear.
We, as moms, cannot wait for the right
time to teach our children biblical
principals straight from the word. Sitt ing
down calmly to read, think, and discuss
with the kids is never easy when the house
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looms with unfinished chores, but i t s
necessary because the chores never end
and the kids are growing fast.
Know that what you do behind closed
doors with your children will reap public
fruit in due time. You are giving them the
gift of yourself, of understanding priorit ies,
of putt ing f irst things f irst, as author
Stephen Covey always said.
If your children are ever to learn to put
the world aside and commune with God, it
must be learned from your example.
If your children are ever to learn that
they are the masters of their fate, and they
can control their environment, i t must be
learned from your example.
Read and enjoy the fol lowing tel l ing
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poem by Anon:
As the Twig
We, the youth who shock you so,
Ask, How much did you help us grow?
You gaze at us with astonishment.
Where were you when the twig was bent?
If you wanted saplings tall and straight,
Why did you wait? Why did you wait?
You gave us bread. Did that atone
For the days and nights we were left
alone?
You laughed our heroes from their height
And left them worthless in our sight.
They lost their standards in the dust;
Their weapons dulled with bitter rust.
And when we asked for God, you turned
Our answers back with doubt that
burned.
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We watched you tempt the hand of fate.
The world plunged into war and hate
In mockery of brother-love;
Nothing on earth, nothing above!
You blame us for skirt ing dangers
brink
We want to feel, for we dare not think.
Who asks good fruit from a well-grown
tree
Must take the time for husbandry
(Anon: via Soul Sculpture)
Trainupachild
inthewayheshouldgo;
evenwhenheisold
hewillnotdepartfromit.
Proverbs22:6
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Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!
By Angela
In this day and age, our lives are fast paced andmedia savvy.
Lets face it, our kids know how to surf the
internet, Google anything, i.m. on their iPod, while
Facebooking, Tweeting, and pinning their favorite
photos on Pinterest. And they can do it all at the
same time!
Life is much different in this media-dominated
world. We are influenced by the influx of digital
technology, as it is all around us, every day, all the
time.
Dont get me wrong: I do love my technology as
much as any app-addicted teenage girl.
Tip!
Tamethemediainyourhome!
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Its quite nice to have Google as a mamas
helper when those difficult questions arise
likewhere the nearest dog groomer or dry cleaners is,
or figuring out how much butter I might need for a
recipe.
At the same time, we must as parents realize
that we have to be the parents when it comes to
media influencing our children.
While researching for a paper on the influence of
music on the brain, I was blown away by how much
we as human beings are programmed by the words
we speak. Television shows are called
programming for a reason.
We do have a TV. set in our home, its just not
connected to any dish, satellite, or antenna.
Yes, we do watch the occasional fun or inspiringfamily movie.
But we have also made a conscious choice that
we do not want our children to be influenced by
societys with values we do not agree with, or
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exposed to media that does not represent Godly
character.
We do have a choice.
We can choose to ignore the elephant in the
room called the TV, computer, or gaming system;
or we can choose to set boundaries for that wild
animal and tame it before it ravages our most
precious gifts from above, our children!
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Protecting Children from Pornography
By Angela
It was a hot Texas July, and we were camping.
We had electricity, but it was still camping! The kids
were settling into the campground, making Dallas
our new home away from home for the week.
A few days into our adventure, we needed to do
laundry. I started the laundry at the campground
Laundromat, and then the kids jumped into the
swimming pool.
When we were done, one child asked to go
ahead and walk back to get rinsed off in the shower
before we all piled into the mini-casa for some
family bonding.
I said sure, that we would be right there.
We gathered our things and arrived back at the
camper a few minutes after the other child. Little did
I realize the danger that was lurking so close to us.
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The kids know we have NO secrets in our family.
We regularly check Facebook, emails, and textmessages to keep everyone accountable for their
actions.
This is to safeguard them, as well as set them up
for success before any red flags might happen and
things get out of control. Plus, we want to keep
open lines of communication for situations or
conversations they have where they might need
some guidance.
So as we got back to the camper, I realized my
child had been alone in the camper with a
computer, with no protection on the internet.
My heart sank. As I pulled up the history, I
discovered that my child had been exposed to
pornography!
An innocent curiosity in a Google search had
opened the door for shattered innocence!
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Devastation, anger, and sobs filled that tiny
camper as I tried to pull myself together to have aheart to heart with my child.
After much conversation, prayer, and
repentance the initial situation was resolved, but the
images implanted in this young mind could not be
erased.
We must be proactive in safeguarding our
children on a daily basis. Taking precautionary
measures to set boundaries like only allowing the
family computer to be in a visible location, adding a
web protection software, and setting time
restrictions will help the fight to keep our childrens
innocence in the battle we face for their futures.
As parents, we cannot let our guard down. We
must protect their innocence at all times. The evil in
this world is too pervasive and too tempting for us
to think we can ignore this issue.
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What we allow in our homes through media has
the power to rob them of their innocence and candestroy their adult lives if left unchecked.
Learn from our tragic mishap. We must be set up
multiple layers of boundaries in order to protect
ourselves and our children from the rampant
immorality and pornography that is readily available
on the internet.
Donotbe
conformedtothisworld,
butbetransformedbytherenewalofyourmind,
thatbytesting
youmaydiscernwhatis
thewillofGod,
whatisgoodandacceptableandperfect.
Romans12:2
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View from the High Wire
Parenting with VisionBy Erin
I just dont know how my son is going to turn
out! one parent asks.
How do you discipline a child that wont listen,
or one who keeps repeating the same offense day
after day? worries another.
What does it mean to have a parenting view
from the high wire?
TIP!Donotlettheweedsofdailylife
blindyoufromtheview
thatisonlyavailablefromthehighwire.
Zoomoutyourfocus,writedownyourvision
foryourfamilyandeachchild,and
parentthemwithrecklessabandon.
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What does it mean to parent with vision?
Whose vision? What vision?
How do you even find a vision?
Many parents think they can teach their kids that
if they just try hard enough, they can do anything
they set their mind to.
You may even know a parent who believes that,
God has called my son to be a doctor, a lawyer, or
a major league baseball player, when in reality,
any bystander can see that the backyard scientist
who is busy chasing butterflies might be preparingalready for a future life of botany research, or the
role of Puck inA Midsummers Nights Dream.
Parenting with Vision means viewing your family
through Gods eyes, not your own expectations and
personal ambitions.
It means laying down your desires for that child
and asking God to show you His vision. How does
HE want you to parent that child as an individual?
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What direction is that life headed and how can
you best water the soil of their soul so that they willone day soar with eagles?
Write the Vision
My favorite week of the year is the time between
Christmas and New Years Day. Its the week
where I can look back over the past year, thank
God for all He has done, and look ahead to the new
year with anticipation and joy.
My journals are filled with prayers for myhusband and children written during those weeks.
When they were young, I bought a new journal and
inside each page I traced a copy of every family
members hand, glued a picture of them on the right
side, and wrote down what I was praying for them.
Looking back on those pages brings tears to my
eyes because I see how God has brought to pass
the vision He planted in my heart so many years
ago.
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One thing I knew when I held my first child in my
arms, was that I wanted her to love the Lord with allher heart, mind, soul, and strength. In Him is
perfect love, so I knew that if she knewHim and
lovedHim, that everything else would fall into place
in her life.
I knew she would not be promised an easy road
in life, and suffering most likely would be in her
future; but if she had an anchor for her soul, her life
would be a success.
Sowwithavisionofrighteousness,
reapaccordingtokindness,
breakupthefallowground,foritistimetoseektheLorduntilHe
comestorainrighteousnessonyou.Hosea10:12
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The Freak Show:
Keep Your Cool Over Appearancesby Terri
Being a parent means walking a tight rope
between complete humiliation and abundant pride
on any given day. In fact, if you want to stayhumble, become a parent.
On special days everyone may need to look just
so. But sometimes we just need to ignore
appearances in order to get everything done that
we need to do in a day.
Other times it is necessary for us to purposefully
ignore outward appearances, so that we can reach
the hearts of our children. Some days we have to
Tip!
Appearancescanbedeceiving!Caremoreaboutyourchildsheart
thanyoudoaboutthefadyoudetestthathesenjoying.
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choose to love them rather than getting hung up on
their weird shirt or funky hair.
If we are always forcing them to dress and act
just the way we think they should dress and act,
especially in adolescence, we will push their hearts
so far away that we will lose all influence in their
lives.
Each of our kids is unique. I have artsy children,
meticulous children, dramatic daughters, and
competitive sons no two alike.
Naturally as the mom, I try to train them in
etiquette and decorum, while they are still little, then
when they get a bit older I let go and hold my
breath as they create their own circus act.
Years of experience has shown me have that I
can learn a lot about my childs heart by watchinghis/her personal expression. This personal
expression sometimes makes us look like a
complete freak show, but thats ok.
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There is more to life than outwardly appearing to
have the best looking clowns in the Big Top.
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Dont Major on the Minors
Samuel, our beloved four-year-old, has a fetish
for high water pants. If he accidentally puts on a
pair that fits him, a five-minute counseling session
followed by bribery is needed for him to keep them
on.
Why he stays ready for a flood, no one knows,
but we adore the kid and are just thankful he is not
naked. Besides, when you are one of ten kids in a
busy household, you get away with this type of
thing regularly.
And when you are a tired, post partumparentof
ten kids, you live by the motto: Pick your Battles.
High water pants and faded t-shirts are the least
of my parenting concerns.
Early Friday morning, I decided to run to Wal-
Mart with my not so stylish Samuel. He donned his
usual undersized ensemble and I resembled
someone that could have chosen his apparel with
my baggy shirt and fuzzy hair.
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We were quite the pair. It was a Wal-Mart run.
Who would notice, right?
When we arrived at Walmart, we headed to the
McDonalds for an iced tea. While in line, I smiled at
the elderly man behind me.
He smiled back and said in a thick foreign
accent, 1335 Sanders Road, Bethel Temple. We
are giving free clothes for children tomorrow at
noon...every Saturday at noon. 1335 Sanders
Road.
He repeated the address about 5 times. The look
on my face had to be one of shock.
A foreign missionary to the U.S. was trying to
help me dress Samuel!! I quickly tried to recover
with a smile and a gracious, Thank you!
I repeated the address back to reward his efforts
of kindness. I had no intentions of telling him we
donate clothes to his mission!
Oh the irony!
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Needless to say, after that incident, I hid all of
the clothes too small for Samuel, and I promised totame my frizz with a flat iron before leaving the
house ever again!
No more freak shows in public if I can help it.
However, I know better than to major on the
minors.
Mismatched children and awkward outward
appearances are not THAT big of a deal in the
scheme of life.
Youarelookingatthings
astheyareoutwardly.
IfanyoneisconfidentinhimselfthatheisChrists,
lethimconsiderthisagainwithinhimself,
thatjustasheisChrists,soalsoarewe.2Corinthians10:7
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Keeping those Balls in the Air:
Routines and Choresby Kali
Let's face it: all of us endure the occasionalbouts of craziness that home life brings.
As families, we have different degrees of order
and cleanliness that we appreciate in our daily
lives, but the bottom line is that when we don't have
routines and order in our lives, we will feel it.
Our family enjoys pretty basic routines. It's
helpful, especially for the youngest ones, to have a
simple sense of "whats next." Meals seem to be
the "full stops" that our days revolve around, and
TIP:Spontaneitycanstillexist
withintheboundaries
ofasetrhythm,
butthereisacomfortinthepredictabilityofaschedule.
It'seasiertoveerfromtheplan
thantocomeupwithanewplan
everyday!
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chores fall naturally into this rhythm.
Along with routines, shared family
responsibilities are the best way to simply make
sure that the jobs get done. In our house, we have
our "dailies" and "weeklies" for each age & stage.
There's nothing quite so satisfying for kids as
"graduating" from one stage to the next! Kids thrive
when they know what is expected of them, and
learn to follow through on completing certain jobs
before they're free to move on to free time!
In my earlier years of mama-hood, I recall a
more experienced mom telling me that she didnt
"do" anything for her kids that they could do for
themselves.
It's a gift and privilege to serve our families, but I
have adapted this wisdom as a flexible standard toattain.
It helps me pause and consider what my children
are capable of as they grow older, and challenge
myself along with them to be growing and learning
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new skills.
There is a fine balance between giving them a
task that is just slightly more difficult than they think
they are capable of, and pushing them into
something that is frustrating.
When you find that sweet spot of satisfaction that
comes with accomplishing a slightly more
demanding task, kids become surprisingly capable
at a very young ageand we get the help we need!
Here are a few basic ideas to get you started, or
to help change up the chore routines in your home.
Chores for 2 & 3's:
These little ones are often begging for work!
Take advantage of this sweet "I do it!" season
(even when it's not always helpful or convenient) to
train up these little ones with the mindset that work
is fun and satisfying!
Little ones can:
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Make their own beds
Put away toys and books.Tidy an entrance by putting away shoes.
Put away clean dish cloths and towels.
Dust with socks on hands.
Use a squirt bottle with a diluted, all natural
cleaner to wipe down cupboard fronts or
baseboards (vinegar and water works great to
cut grease!)
Use a small, handheld dustpan to sweep little
spots (the corners of stairs and the area under
our lower cabinets are perfect 2 year old
sweeping spots!)
4's and 5's
These eager beavers are still motivated to help,but have become a little more sophisticated in their
expectations of "what's in it for me?
Their little love tanks benefit from lots of
encouragement and reminders that work is FUN!
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Offer lots of praise, and invest in the 1:1 time to
train them to do the job well. They also enjoychecklists, sticker charts or any kind of visual,
colorful, fun recognition and accomplishment.
Ideas:
Dry dishes
Empty garbage from bedrooms or
bathrooms.
Take out compost, recycling, or small
garbage bags.
Sweep small messes with a small "lobby"
broom and dustpan.
Fold simple laundry items and put them
away (without dropping!).
Deliver laundry to other rooms.
Tidy up a room by picking up books or toys
off the floor and putting them away.
Use a large floor broom to sweep.
Weed the garden with supervision.
Water small plants indoors and out.
Sweep off entrances or shake doormats
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outside.
Unload the cutlery racks of the dishwasher.Wipe down spots with a wet rag or using a
squirt bottle to clean surfaces.
Unload small grocery bags and put away
food.
Help with kitchen food prep like measuring,
stirring, squeezing lemons, grating cheese.
Ages 6 to 7
Unload dishwasher and put away dishes inlow cupboards.
Help make lunches or salads (cutting "soft"
fruits & veggies like cucumbers and apples,
washing and/or tearing lettuce)
Mop floorsStart and move over loads of laundry
Wipe down sinks, counters or bathtubs
Vacuum floors and furniture
Collect firewood and bring inside
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Dust surfaces
Ages 8 to 9 and up
At this age, kids love to be independent with their
jobs. Let them have the music on, put the timer on
to keep them focused, and give them some
breathing space to finish the job the way they want
to finish it.
Sample tasks:
Cleaning glass doors, windows and mirrors
within reach
Shopping assistants- older kids are great
cart pushers
Helping with younger siblings- doing puzzles,
reading books, playing games
Increased ability to follow simple recipes
Make lunch: scrambled eggs, toast, simple
sandwiches, cut up veggies
Transcribe shopping lists while driving!
Sweep outside decks
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Wash cars, clean out and wipe insides
Avoiding Frustration
Lowering our expectations is necessary at times
to keep the peace; not so low that kids are taking
shortcuts or cutting corners, but really taking an
honest look at what they are capable of, and
evaluating accordingly.
I have seen the look of discouragement on my
own children's faces at times where I have come
down a little too hard.
Demanding a higher standard than they are
really capable of producing in a given period of time
is so disheartening for them!
Saying "go clean your room" and then arriving to
what appears to still be a mess can be frustrating
for a parent! Clearly communicate what is expected
beforehand, and break down each task into bite-
sized pieces. Directions such as make your bed;
pick up all clothes on the floor; and put your books
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back on the bookshelf are much more helpful.
These are specific tasks that can be completed andchecked in a straightforward, unemotional way.
A wise friend taught me this important lesson
that I still find a challenge to put into action:
You can only EXPECT
what you are willing to INSPECT.
Yes, that means checking their work after it is
done. Every single time.
These are some ideas to get you started
incorporating your children in household tasks!
We all know many hands make lighter work.
Train them up well while they're young, and your
home will be a haven of peace and fun.
Maythefavorof
theLordourGod
restonus;
establishtheworkofourhands
forus-yes,
establishtheworkofourhands.
Psalm90:17
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The Importance of Intermission (for Mom)
by Angela
Sometimes life has a way of moving faster and
faster, and before we know it everything hasbecome like a giant snowball, bolting out of control
down the mountainside.
Women are typically natural born givers. We give
life directly from our bodies, we give food directly
from our bodies, and we give love from our hearts
to those in our lives.
It has been instilled in us from the beginning of
time to be a helpmeet to our husbands, to help in
any way, shape, or form with anything that needs to
Tip!
Astheofficialmanager
ofthehome,itisvital
tomakesureour
lovepitcherisfullinordertopourout
tothosearoundus!
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be done. It is just part of who we were created to
be!
Usually we feel fulfilled when we are able to
meet the needs of our family and those around us.
However, if we have given, and given, and given
for an extended period of time, we can become
exhausted, worn out, irritable, and down right burnt
out.
Taking time out for ourselves to replenish our
spirits, and fill ourselves back up is not only the
right thing to do, but it is extremely healthy for our
well-being and for the well being of all those around
us!
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The Mommy Meltdown
by Angela
Snuggling up on the sofa with a crackling fire in
the fireplace, a good book, or a long-awaited chick
flick with some hot tea and a little chocolate is
nourishment for my soul.
Maybe not like a carrot stick, but more like a cool
drink of water on a hot Texas day!
Life goes by so fast. I have learned the hard way
that if I do not stop and take an hour or two, enjoy alatte and a little time alone, I will pay for it, and so
will everyone else in my path.
Im talking about the dreaded mommy meltdown!
You see, I dont plan on having a mommy
meltdown, but as I continue to say yes, I can do
that; sure I can help with that; you need me to pick
that up? Im happy to volunteer for that project; I will
squeeze that in at some point, I have gone too
far.
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Before you know it, I am frazzled beyond
recognition! I can even end up on the couch fordays when my body is exhausted from taking on
too many commitments!
God has a way of reminding me to slow down,
and its usually through my husband telling me
Please do not take on anything else. It is going to
overload you and be too much!
I enjoyed the movie How Does She Do It with
Sarah Jessica Parker playing the wife, mother, and
also the businesswoman working to further her
career.
She tries to juggle every role society says she
should play, but in the end she feels like a failure
because all the balls come crashing down around
her. Thats because this is an unrealistic picture of
perfection!
Women are HUMANnot SUPERhuman!
The classic scene where Parker is lying in bed,
going over her to-do list, making sure every detail of
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life is covered, from the dry cleaning, to the birthday
party, to whats for dinner that week is my favorite,because I can soooo relate!
How many times have we all done just that? We
lie in bed for hours trying to cover every little detail
we have going on in our lives. We try to sort
everything out in order to control or fix the outcome
according to how we think it should all work out.
We are fixers by nature because we like to
nurture.
Yikes! I am GUILTY of this!
When I relinquish the worry and the desire for
control to the Lord, and realize He does not need
my help, I feel more free.
I can take a few deep breaths, maybe even go
for a walk. It is during these times that I realize He
wants to be the God in my life.
I can step down from the throne and let Him take
control.
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We can all repeat Carrie Underwoods prayerful
plea, Jesus, take the Wheel.
When I give everything to Him, and take time out
for an intermission for mommy, everyone in this
family circus seems to perform better and the
electric excitement about life is contagious!
Cometome,allwholaborandareheavyladen,
andIwillgiveyourest.
Takemyyokeuponyou,
andlearnfromme,forIamgentle
andlowlyinheart,
andyouwillfindrestforyoursouls.
Formyyokeiseasy,
andmyburdenislight.Matthew11:28-30