Parenting Styles

www.kevinhinckley.com

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”

“Oh,” she paused, “grandpa, did God make me too?”

“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.”

Feeling both faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”

Children…

1 Nephi 2:12

Nephi

Mountain Top Experiences

What is our goal?

F ir esidesDut y t oGod

Knowing and feeling that God really loves him/her.

Coming to understand God’s ‘characteristics and attributes’ (Lectures on Faith)

This means teaching them to allow the Lord to become the ‘speaker of all [their] words and the doer of all their deeds.” (F. Enzio Busche)

Being able to identify the ‘still small voice’ when it speaks to them.

Recognizing the spirit as a manifestation of His love and awareness of them.

Having experiences of following the directions of the spirit and seeing the result.

Critical Goals

Transferring Vital Knowledge

The Message The Messenger What they perceive

2 Nephi 25:4-7

How did Nephi Teach?

“The prophet says so. Now quit asking.”

“I know, honey, its kind of dumb. But you’ll be 16 before you know it. Just hang there.”

“Well, you’re more mature than most kids your age, so go ahead. Just not too much, OK?”

“What are the other kids doing?”“Because if you start now, you’ll be pregnant

by 16. Do you really want that?”“Now dear, psychologists say that age 16 is a

better age to begin to relationships.”

For example14 Year Old Girl:

Why Can’t I date?

The Three Primary Factors in Parental Styles

Anxiety (A)

Control (C) Nurturing (N)

Intense, overly bonded relationships between parent and child

Parents are very reactiveChild has little confidence in his/her own

skillsPunishment is impulsive and “top down”

from the parents (and therefore has to be changed later)

Testimony Building:Church can feel forcedGuilt can be overly used

Style 1Overprotective

C

A

N

Dominated by rulesEmphasis on appearancePunishment is about who wins

and who losesChildren are always told what to do, not

involved in decision makingChildren submit or rebel

Testimony Building:Emphasis on being ‘perfect’ Its all about obedience

Style 2Controlling

C

A

N

Few RulesParents trust natural consequencesChildren have high degree

of latitude in their choicesClose relationship between parent and childChildren can become self directing

Testimony Building:They understand well the parent /child relationship

Style 3Democratic

C

A

N

Set SchedulesExpectations are clearConsequences are well known

(Discipline)Parents highly involvedRebellious children may be react

to tight structure

Testimony Building:Rules and consequencesImportance of Covenant Making…

Style 4Organized

C

A

N

Changing SchedulesRelationships are clearExpectations change based

on circumstancesConsequences changeParents highly involvedRebellious children may be reacting to lack

of structure

Testimony Building:Commandments “more like guidelines”

Style 5Spontaneous

C

A

N

Changing SchedulesRelationships are difficultChildren set expectationsConsequences changeParents want to be ‘friends’Rebellious children may be reacting to lack of

structure

Testimony Building:Bonding can be with the ward—if the members are nice and have few rules

Style 6Permissive

C

A

N

It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set,

Uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till.

What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.Return of the King, p. 190

JRR Tolkein