FACING FUTURE CHALLENGE27/5/2008 TUESDAY

FAMILY INSTITUTION

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CONTENT

DEFINITION• FAMILY INSTITUTION• ITS NATURE• SIGNIFICANCE

FUTURE CHALLENGES

• NEWLY WED • CAREER • PREGNANCY• EMOTIONAL• SPIRITUAL• CHILDREN DEVELOPMENT• MARITAL RELATIONSHIP• ILLNESS• FINANCIAL

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DEFINITION

FAMILY INSTITUTION

• It refers to any combination to any combination of two or more persons who are bound together over time by ties of mutual consent, birth and/or adoption or placement and who, together, assume responsibilities for variant combinations of responsibilities

RESPONSIBILITIES

• Physical maintenance and care of group members• Addition of new members through procreation or adoption• Socialization of children• Social control of members• Production, consumption, distribution of goods and services, Affective nurturance — love

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NATURE OF FAMILY INSTITUTION

TYPE •NUCLEUS•EXTENDED

Nucleus •Comprises of father and mother•Small number of children - one or two.

Extended •Comprises of father, mother and other siblings such as auntie, uncle, cousins•Bigger number of children

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SIGNIFICANCE OF FAMILY INSTITUTION

HUMAN CREATION (Q 4:1; 16:72; 30:72; )

VICEGERENT (Q 2:30) CONTINUITY OF `IBADAH

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FUTURE CHALLENGES

• NEWLY WED• CAREER • PREGNANCY• EMOTIONAL• SPIRITUAL• CHILDREN DEVELOPMENT• MARITAL RELATIONSHIP• ILLNESS• FINANCIAL

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CAREER AND FAMILY

CONFLICT OR HARMONY

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1. DEFINITION

CAREER•Profession•Occupation•Toils•Jobs

FAMILY•Relatives•Siblings•Nucleas family•Extended family

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2. PRESENT SCENARIO

General overview

Today approximately 12 million Malaysians are employed in various sectors of the economic activities (Ministry of Human Resource, 2007) and whether they are married, single, divorced,

young and old are actually striving to manage their careers and families.

This act of managing/ weaving/ juggling between career and family are both part of our identity and life today.

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3. WOMEN AT WORK

Women like men, work outside the home for a variety of reasons.

Self-fulfillment

To pursue a career

Attitude of the family – women working outside the home

Women, more so than men, cycle in and out of the workforce depending on the needs of their families. After birth of a child, women may work part-time or find work they can do from home. They are more likely than men to adjust their work schedule or leave the workforce in later years to assist aging family members.

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4. MEN AT WORK

In our society we have an expectation that men are the providers or breadwinners for their families.

For men, excessive work time is the main reason for work and family conflict.

So dads, too, are trying to balance and juggle work and family together

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5. MARRIAGE AND WORK

Families in Malaysia have changed since the independence’s day and developed tremendously in the year 2000s, with more mothers and wives working outside the home.

In general, women’s employment outside of the home has a positive rather than a negative effect on marriage.

However, women generally take on a second shift when they work outside the home. The first shift is their job at workplace, and the second shift is their family work

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6. CHALLENGES

How do we weave between career and family?

Are we beginning to burn out?

How do we manage between two incomes: yours, mine and ours?

How do we share household tasks?

Parents caring for parents?

How do we encourage family talk?

How do we take care of our mental health?

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7. ARE WE BEGINNING TO BURN OUT?

Do you come home from work physically or emotionally drained, with little energy left for your family?

Do you suffer from headaches, backaches, digestive upsets, fatigue or exhaustion that can be traced to your problems at work?

Are you drinking too much coffee, smoking too many cigarettes, eating too much or unable to sleep at night due to work-related anxiety?

Do you find it difficult to get out of bed everyday knowing that you face an overwhelming workload?

SO WHAT NEXT?

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IF SO…

If so, you may be among the millions of people in Malaysia who suffer from job and family-related stress, a problem that’s far more common than either you or the employees and the employers

have previously realized.With the application of the

important concepts of Islamization in all walks of life and recently

Islam Hadari by Malaysian Government, to offset the rampant or extreme idea of materialism, it

is hope that Malaysians are realizing that what matters is

having time for family and friends, rest and recreation, good deeds

and spirituality.As a Muslim, this is nothing new• What is our responsibility?• What is the purpose of life?• Why do we need to submit to

Allāh?• Man’s brain

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In the west, it is reported that a lot of people are bowing out of the rat race or if

not, at least contemplating it.

Time Magazine, in the article “The Simple Life,” touts the return to basic values and the joys of home life as a “revolution in progress” and a shift in man’s private

agenda.

For some people that means a radical step: changing one’s career, living on less, or

packing up and moving to a quieter place.

For others it can mean something as subtle as leaving work a little earlier to watch the

kids in a soccer games.So, as a Muslim, we should be reminded that by remembering Him our soul will be

pacified. (Sūrah al-Ra`d, 13:28) By remembering Him in the form of submitting

to Him loyally, obediently, consciously, sincerely, willingly and the manner which

He wants it, we will be requited by Him multiple fold. (Sūrah Al-Rūm, 30:39).

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By so doing the issue of stress related to work leading to physically or

emotionally drained, anxiety, unable to sleep and others could be ironed

out .Submission to Him pacify our soul.

This is line with the Prophetic tradition which says, translated as:

“An intelligent person is the one who submits his soul/self to [Allāh] and

works in preparation for his life after death.” (Tirmidhī, Sunān al-Tirmidhī).

When our soul is in the state of stable, and the state of mind is

normal or sensible (Al-Ghazzālī, IÍyā `Ulūm al-Dīn, vol. 4) we are able to act and plan properly for our daily

activities and life as a whole. With this we are able to avoid ourselves from unnecessary

sufferings like headaches and fatigue, emotionally or

physically.

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8. MANAGING TWO INCOMES – YOURS, MINE & OURS Successfully meshing

2 styles of handling money does not

magically happen just because 2

people love each other. It is

something you have to keep working on as the years go by.

Every day there are dozens of little

decisions to be made about $, such as whether or not to pay cash, write a

cheque, use a credit card to pay bills and not to mention the bigger decisions

involving savings and investments,

ownership rights, takāful coverage and

other matters with long term

consequences.

Dividing up the responsibility for the

decisions and the paperwork that make up the money side of

a marriage isn’t exactly easy for 1-Y. In a 2-Y marriage, it’s even more difficult,

and second marriages can have

special money management

problems of their own, such as

budgeting for child support, alimony or

visits by children from earlier marriages.

Today, for most of us, 2-Y is often a

necessity, not a matter of choice. Since each partner contributes to the

family income, each wants a say on how

the $ is spent.18

2-Y families may face communication

challenges with the added $ they earn. It

is often that $ is equated with power, and the person who

earns more may have a greater say in how

his/her $ is spent.

With more wives working, the usual balance of power in some families may shift to mirror this

change.

The balance of power in 2-Y families may be altered according to proportion of total

family income the wife earns. The larger her

contribution, the greater her power in

family decisions.

Whether you started married life under the assumption that both would work, or you

changed from a single to a dual income

couple, you have had to come to a decision about what to do with the second income.

“that’s easy,” you say, “it will help pay the

bills” or “more money means more

enjoyment for the whole family.”In day-to-day living, it

often is not quite so simple.

What next?

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There are 3 ways that we can look

at it.

Equal share Y

Proportional share Y

Pooler Y

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Equal share YIt puts an equal amount of the respective salaries into joint

checking and saving accounts so as to cover the basic

household expenses. The remainder can be saved or

spent as each sees fit.

Disadvantage Arise when one spouse earns

appreciably more than the other; this

can lead to resentment by the

spouse who has less individual income.

Advantages - Each spouse

contributes to both daily expenses and long-term expenses

- Each has some money to call his/her own.

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Proportional share Y• Each contributes a

percentage of his/her income to cover household expenses and joint savings. The remainder is his to do with as each pleases.

AdvantageBoth spouses are contributing to

household expenses, while retaining some

independence of funds.

DisadvantageA different in amount

of income each person earns could cause resentment,

since the person with the higher income

may have more “power” money

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Pooler Y• It combines all Y to use

for both household and personal expenses. The money is usually held in joint accounts.

Advantage• The work of

each spouse is valued equally, regardless of income earned.

Disadvantages• The spouse with

the lesser income may not feel he or she has as

much to say in how the joint

income is spent. • Both spouses

may feel obligated to discuss all

purchases with each other,

which could be an advantage or disadvantage.

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As Muslims, we should be wise in

making decisions. The choices which were mentioned

earlier may not be suitable to all. We may choose one

and improve as we go along together.

For the sake of discussion we could

have chosen the proportional share

Y. We have observed the

advantages and disadvantages. The issue that

arises out of this share is resentment

of more money, either from the wife

or the husband.

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This feeling of resentment should not be allowed to

“dwell” in one’s self because this will

hinder the development of the

feeling of mawaddah wa

rahmah (Sūrah Al-Rūm, 30:21) in

family life.

The questions that one should ask sincerely:• What do you really

want? • Is it more money

than your spouse?• Is it power that you

are looking for?• Marriage is actually a

sacred partnership. The couples should strive hard to maintain the happiness in their marriage life.

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One needs to know: • purification of self• the rights of the spouse• the responsibility of the

spouse• the meaning of power –

temporary measure• self control - jihād al-akbar• happiness

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9. HOW DO WE SHARE HOUSEHOLD TASKS

“Delegatio

n does not

eliminate work; rathe

r it changes it”

Successful

delegation helps

all member

s of a group or family

become involved

and accompl

ish goals and

activities.

Each perso

n contributes and

shares in

completing part

of the whole task.

A blending of variou

s viewpoints and

inputs can

make for

stronger

results

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Thus, the key factor

for couples is that they are

satisfied with their

arrangement of

work and the househ

old tasks

and feel that each

spouse’s

contribution is fair and justifiab

le to both

partner.

The family work and

household tasks may

not be evenly divide

d betwe

en husba

nd and wife, but the

workload is

perceived as equitable.

Studies

show that

married

men who do

housewor

k were happi

er and

more involved in their marriages.

distressedless

lonely and

better physical andpsychologic

al health

Wives

generall

y appreciate

husbands’

help with househol

d tasks.

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10. CONCLUSION

Life is full of trials and tribulations. These trials are

meant to allow a person to strive by doing good deeds so as to reach a nobler state (Q.

67:2).

Indeed to juggle between career and family life is not an easy task. A person

has to be wise in making correct

judgment and correct decision for the

betterment of the two jobs.

Ultimately when one needs to ask – what do I want ? It

is career or it is family? It is justice or injustice? It is happiness or it is

misery?

These are some future

and expected challenges that

will confront us. Are we

ready?

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