Word ChoiceIntroduction

Writing is a series of choices. As you work on a paper, you choose your topic, your approach, your sources, and your thesis; when it's time to write, you have to choose the words you will use to express your ideas and decide how you will arrange those words into sentences and paragraphs. As you revise your draft, you make more choices. You might ask yourself, "Is this really what I mean?" or "Will readers understand this?" or "Does this sound good?" Finding words that capture your meaning and convey that meaning to your readers is challenging. When your instructors write things like "awkward," "vague," or "wordy" on your draft, they are letting you know that they want you to work on word choice. This handout will explain some common issues related to word choice and give you strategies for choosing the best words as you revise your drafts.

As you read further into the handout, keep in mind that it can sometimes take more time to "save" words from your original sentence than to write a brand new sentence to convey the same meaning or idea. Don’t be too attached to what you’ve already written; if you are willing to start a sentence fresh, you may be able to choose words with greater clarity.

"Awkward," "vague," and "unclear" word choice

So: you write a paper that makes perfect sense to you, but it comes back with "awkward" scribbled throughout the margins. Why, you wonder, are instructors so fond of terms like "awkward"? Most instructors use terms like this to draw your attention to sentences they had trouble understanding and to encourage you to rewrite those sentences more clearly.

Difficulties with word choice aren't the only cause of awkwardness, vagueness, or other problems with clarity. Sometimes a sentence is hard to follow because there is a grammatical problem with it or because of the syntax (the way the words and phrases are put together). Here's an example: "Having finished with studying, the pizza was quickly eaten." This sentence isn't hard to understand because of the words I chose—everybody knows what studying, pizza, and eating are. The problem here is that readers will naturally assume that first bit of the sentence "(Having finished with studying") goes with the next noun that follows it—which, in this case, is "the pizza"! It doesn't make a lot of sense to imply that the pizza was studying. What I was actually trying to express was something more like this: "Having finished with studying, the students quickly ate the pizza." If you have a sentence that has been marked "awkard," "vague," or "unclear," try to think about it

from a reader's point of view—see if you can tell where it changes direction or leaves out important information.

Sometimes, though, problems with clarity are a matter of word choice. See if you recognize any of these issues:

Misused words—the word doesn't actually mean what the writer thinks it does.Example: Cree Indians were a monotonous culture until French and British settlers arrived.Revision: Cree Indians were a homogenous culture.

Words with unwanted connotations or meanings. Example: I sprayed the ants in their private places. Revision: I sprayed the ants in their hiding places.

Using a pronoun when readers can't tell whom/what it refers to. Example: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though he didn’t like him very much. Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though Jake doesn't like Trey very much.

Jargon or technical terms that make readers work unnecessarily hard. Maybe you need to use some of these words because they are important terms in your field, but don't throw them in just to "sound smart." Example: The dialectical interface between neo-Platonists and anti-disestablishment Catholics offers an algorithm for deontological thought. Revision: The dialogue between neo-Platonists and certain Catholic thinkers is a model for deontological thought.

Loaded language. Sometimes we as writers know what we mean by a certain word, but we haven't ever spelled that out for readers. We rely too heavily on that word, perhaps repeating it often, without clarifying what we are talking about. Example: Society teaches young girls that beauty is their most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change society.Revision: Contemporary American popular media, like magazines and movies, teach young girls that beauty is their most important quality. In order to prevent eating disorders and other health problems, we must change the images and role models girls are offered.

Assignment for Awkward/Vague/Unclear words:

Review your graded/commented Essay 2: What words/phrases were marked awkward, vague, unclear, or unreadable/confusing? Analyze the problem. How can you fix it? Rewrite it on your paper.

Wordiness

Sometimes the problem isn't choosing exactly the right word to express an idea—it's being "wordy," or using words that your reader may regard as "extra" or inefficient. Take a look at the following list for some examples. On the left are some phrases that use three, four, or more words where fewer will do; on the right are some shorter substitutes:

I came to the realization that I realized that

She is of the opinion that She thinks that

Concerning the matter of About

During the course of During

In the event that If

In the process of During, while

Regardless of the fact that Although

Due to the fact that Because

In all cases Always

At that point in time Then

Prior to Before

Keep an eye out for wordy constructions in your writing and see if you can replace them with more concise words or phrases.

Assignment for Wordiness:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Are there any wordy constructions that you can reduce? Use the Paramedic method to determine what you can cut (if anything). Do this directly on your essay.

Clichés

In academic writing, it's a good idea to limit your use of clichés. Clichés are catchy little phrases so frequently used that they have become trite, corny, or annoying. They are problematic because their overuse has diminished their impact and because they require several words where just one would do.

The main way to avoid clichés is first to recognize them and then to create shorter, fresher equivalents. Ask yourself if there is one word that means the same thing as the cliché. If there isn’t, can you use two or three words to state the idea your own way? Below you will see five common clichés, with some alternatives to their right. As a challenge, see how many alternatives you can create for the final two examples.

Agree to disagree Disagree

Dead as a doornail Dead

Last but not least Last

Pushing the envelope Approaching the limit

Up in the air Unknown/undecided

Try these yourself:

Play it by ear _____?_____

Let the cat out of the bag _____?_____

Assignment for Clichés:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Are there any clichés? Get rid of them! Rewrite on your paper.

Paramedic Method: A Lesson in Writing ConciselyUse the Paramedic Method (originally developed by Richard Lanham in Revising Prose) to edit any kind of professional writing. Editing your professional writing using the Paramedic Method will make your prose easier to read. Sentences that are easy to read are more persuasive and more user-centered.

Professional writers understand the need for clear, concise prose. An industry standard for helping workplace writers achieve user-centered, persuasive, and clear prose is the Paramedic Method. When you use the Paramedic Method, you will reduce your word count by eliminating unnecessary words. The Paramedic Method also helps you activate your sentences by eliminating passive voice and redundancies. The Paramedic Method is an easy to learn, systematic way to make your sentences more persuasive and more user-centered.

Follow the seven steps below to improve the readability of your sentences.

The Paramedic Method

1. Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)2. Draw a box around the "is" verb forms3. Ask, "Where's the action?"4. Change the "action" into a simple verb5. Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom)6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups7. Eliminate any redundancies.

Paramedic Method Example

Use the Paramedic Method in the sentences below to practice.

Use the Paramedic Method in the sentences below to practice making your sentences more concise. After you use the Paramedic Method on these sentences, check your results against the sentences at the bottom of this handout.

1. The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.

2. It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

3. After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

Example Concise Solutions:

1. Employees at this company need a better money manager. (Original word count: 26. New word count: 10).

2. In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have participated in the Search and Rescue operations. (Original word count: 24. New word count: 16).

3. After reviewing the results of your research, and within the context of the study, we find evidence supporting significant changes in our operating procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word count: 25).

This handout adapted from a larger piece by Richard Johnson-Sheehan.

1. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences

Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose. Take the following example: "It is imperative that we find a solution." The same meaning could be expressed with this more succinct wording: "We must find a solution." But using the expletive construction allows the writer to emphasize the urgency of the situation by placing the word imperative near the beginning of the sentence, so the version with the expletive may be preferable.

Still, you should generally avoid excessive or unnecessary use of expletives. The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. In most cases, concise sentences can be created by eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun.

Wordy: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. (9 words)Concise: The governor signs or vetoes bills. (6 words)Wordy: There are four rules that should be observed: ... (8 words)Concise: Four rules should be observed:... (5 words)Wordy: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (15 words)Concise: A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (12 words)

2. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs (gerunds)

Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as nominalizations. Sentences with many nominalizations usually have forms of be as the main verbs. Using the action verbs disguised in nominalizations as the main verbs--instead of forms of be--can help to create engaging rather than dull prose.

Wordy: The function of this department is the collection of accounts. (10 words)Concise: This department collects accounts. (4 words)Wordy: The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention. (10 words)Concise: The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention. (8 words)

3. Avoid unnecessary infinitive phrases

Some infinitive phrases can be converted into finite verbs or brief noun phrases. Making such changes also often results in the replacement of a be-verb with an action verb.

Wordy: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it. (15 words)Concise: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail. (8 words)Wordy: A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service. (23 words)Concise: A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction. (18 words)

4. Avoid circumlocutions in favor of direct expressions

Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more succinctly. We often overlook them because many such expressions are habitual figures of speech. In writing, though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without extra meaning. Of course, occasionally you may for rhetorical effect decide to use, say, an expletive construction instead of a more succinct expression. These guidelines should be taken as general recommendations, not absolute rules.

Wordy: At this/that point in time... (2/4 words)Concise: Now/then... (1 word)

 Wordy: In accordance with your request... (5 words)Concise: As you requested... (3 words)

Below are some other words which may simplify lengthier circumlocutions.

"Because," "Since," "Why" = 

o the reason foro for the reason

thato owing/due to the

fact thato in light of the fact

thato considering the

fact thato on the grounds

thato this is why

"When" =o on the occasion

ofo in a situation in

which

o under circumstances in which

"about" =

o as regardso in reference too with regard too concerning the

matter ofo where ________ is

concerned "Must," "Should" =

o it is crucial thato it is necessary

thato there is a

need/necessity for

o it is important that

o cannot be avoided

"Can" =

o is able too has the

opportunity too has the capacity

foro has the ability to

"May," "Might," "Could" =

o it is possible thato there is a chance

thato it could happen

thato the possibility

exists for

Wordy: It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations. (10 words)Concise: Nothing may come of these preparations. (6 words)Wordy: She has the ability to influence the outcome. (8 words)Concise: She can influence the outcome. (5 words)Wordy: It is necessary that we take a stand on this pressing issue. (12 words)Concise: We must take a stand on this pressing issue. (9 words)

Writing for an academic audienceWhen you choose words to express your ideas, you have to think not only about what makes sense and sounds best to you, but what will make sense and sound best to your readers. Thinking about your audience and their expectations will help you make decisions about word choice.Some writers think that academic audiences expect them to "sound smart" by using big or technical words. But the most important goal of academic writing is not to sound smart—it is to communicate an argument or information clearly and convincingly. It is true that academic writing has a certain style of its own and that you, as a student, are beginning to learn to read and write in that style. You may find yourself using words and grammatical constructions that you didn't use in your high school writing. The danger is that if you consciously set out to "sound smart" and use words or structures that are very unfamiliar to you, you may produce sentences that your readers can't understand.When writing for your professors, think simplicity. Using simple words does not indicate simple thoughts. In an academic argument paper, what makes the thesis and arguments sophisticated are the connections presented in simple, clear language. Keep in mind, though, that simple and clear doesn't necessarily mean casual. Most instructors will not be pleased if your paper looks like an instant message or an email to a friend. It's usually best to avoid slang and colloquialisms. Take a look at this example and ask yourself how a professor would probably respond to it if it were the thesis statement of a paper: "Moulin Rouge really bit because the singing sucked and the costume colors were nasty, KWIM?"When writing academic papers, it is often helpful to find key terms and use them within your paper as well as in your thesis. This section comments on the crucial difference between repetition and redundancy of terms and works through an example of using key terms in a thesis statement.

Repetition vs. redundancy

These two phenomena are not necessarily the same. Repetition can be a good thing. Sometimes we have to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences. Sometimes there is simply no substitute for the key terms, and selecting a weaker term as a synonym can do more harm than good. Repeating key terms emphasizes important points and signals to the reader that the argument is still being supported. This kind of repetition can give your paper cohesion and is done by conscious choice. In contrast, if you find yourself frustrated, tiredly repeating the same nouns, verbs, or adjectives, or making the same point over and over, you are probably being redundant. In this case, you are swimming aimlessly around the same points because you have not decided what your argument really is or because you are truly fatigued and clarity escapes you. Refer to the "Strategies" section below for ideas on revising for redundancy.

Assignment for Academic Writing:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Are there any sentences written to “sound smart” that end up confusing the reader? Rewrite on your paper.

Appropriate LanguageWhen writing, it is very important to use language that fits your audience and matches purpose. Inappropriate language uses can damage your credibility, undermine your argument, or alienate your audience. This handout will cover some of the major issues with appropriate language use: levels of language formality, deceitful language and Euphemisms, slang and idiomatic expressions; using group-specific jargon; and biased/stereotypical language.

The following is a short overview of the different aspects of using appropriate language. Review the other sections of this handout for a more complete discussion.

1. Levels of Formality: Write in a style that your audience expects and that fits your purpose is key to successful writing.

2. In-Group Jargon: Jargon refers to specialized language used by groups of like-minded individuals. Only use in-group jargon when you are writing for members of that group. You should never use jargon for a general audience without first explaining it.

3. Slang and idiomatic expressions: Avoid using slang or idiomatic expressions in general academic writing.

4. Deceitful language and Euphemisms: Avoid using euphemisms (words that veil the truth, such as "collateral damage" for the unintended destruction of civilians and their property) and other deceitful language.

5. Biased language: Avoid using any biased language including language with a racial, ethnic, group, or gender bias or language that is stereotypical.

Levels of FormalityThe level of formality you write with should be determined by the expectations of your audience and your purpose. For example, if you are writing a cover letter for a job application or a college academic essay, you would write in a formal style. If you are writing a letter to a friend, writing something personal, or even writing something for a humorous or special interest magazine when informal writing is expected, you would use a more informal style. Formality exists on a scale—in the example below, a letter of application to a known colleague can result in a semi-formal style.

Here is an example:

Formal (Written to an unknown audience): I am applying for the receptionist position advertised in the local paper. I am an excellent candidate for the job because of my significant secretarial experience, good language skills, and sense of organization.

Semi-formal (Written to a well-known individual): I am applying for the receptionist position that is currently open in the company. As you are aware, I have worked as a temporary employee with your company in this position before. As such, I not only have experience and knowledge of this position, but also already understand the company's needs and requirements for this job.

Informal (Incorrect): Hi! I read in the paper that ya'll were looking for a receptionist. I think that I am good for that job because I've done stuff like it in the past, am good with words, and am incredibly well organized.

Deceitful Language and Euphemisms

You should avoid using any language whose purpose is deceitful. Euphemisms are terms that attempt to cover up that which is wrong, unethical, taboo, or harsh.

Here are some examples from the military:

Pacification = The act of forcefully exerting outside government over a previously autonomous people

Friendly Fire = Being shot at (unintentionally) by your own allies

Collateral Damage = Destruction of property and killing of innocent civilians during war efforts

Sunshine Units = A term for a power plant that is leaking radiation into the surrounding areas

Complex or Confusing Language

Language can also be deceitful if it is overly complex or confusing. Confusing language is deliberately created complex and is used to downplay the truth or to evade responsibility. Here is an example:

The acquisition of pollution permits by individuals and corporations that produce toxins has now been allowed by the recently amended Clean Air Act of 1990. Institution of permits simplifies and clarifies obligations for business and industry, making environmental protections more accessible for these constituents. The government and the Environmental Protection Agency will be greatly assisted in their endeavors by monitoring the release of all substances and having the substances listed on one individual permit.

Although this paragraph makes it seem like this facet of the Clean Air act is helping the environment, the EPA, and the federal government, in reality all it is doing is explaining the new permit system that allows permit holders to release pollutants into the environment.

Group Terminology

Depending on your purpose, however, some terms that may be considered euphemisms may be appropriate or even sanctioned by groups they affect. For example, it is more correct to say "persons with disabilities" or "differently-abled persons" than to call someone "handicapped" "crippled" or even "disabled." In these cases, it is important to use what is considered correct by the group in question.

Assignment for Appropriate language:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Look for slang, jargon, informal words, deceitful and biased language. Highlight the problem and then rewrite the sentence/paragraph on your paper.

Appropriate Pronoun UsageFirst, each pronoun that you use MUST have a antecedent – in other words, it must be absolutely clear what you are referencing with each pronoun.

Using a pronoun when readers can't tell whom/what it refers to. Example: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though he didn’t like him very much. Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though Jake doesn't like Trey very much.

Because English has no generic singular—or common-sex—pronoun, we have used HE, HIS, and HIM in such expressions as "the student needs HIS pencil." When we constantly personify "the judge," "the critic," "the executive," "the author," and so forth, as male by using the pronoun HE, we are subtly conditioning ourselves against the idea of a female judge, critic, executive, or author. There are several alternative approaches for ending the exclusion of women that results from the pervasive use of masculine pronouns.

Recast into the plural Original: Give each student his paper as soon as he is finished. Alternative: Give students their papers as soon as they are finished.

Reword to eliminate gender problems. Original: The average student is worried about his grade. Alternative: The average student is worried about grades.

Replace the masculine pronoun with ONE, YOU, or (sparingly) HE OR SHE, as appropriate. Original: If the student was satisfied with his performance on the pretest, he took the post-

test.. Alternative: A student who was satisfied with her or his performance on the pretest took the

post-test.Alternate male and female examples and expressions. (Be careful not to confuse the reader.)

Original: Let each student participate. Has he had a chance to talk? Could he feel left out? Alternative: Let each student participate. Has she had a chance to talk? Could he feel left

out?

Indefinite PronounsUsing the masculine pronouns to refer to an indefinite pronoun (everybody, everyone, anybody, anyone) also has the effect of excluding women. In all but strictly formal uses, plural pronouns have become acceptable substitutes for the masculine singular.

Original: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring his money tomorrow. Alternative: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring their money tomorrow.

An alternative to this is merely changing the sentence. English is very flexible, so there is little reason to "write yourself into a corner:"

Original: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring his money. Alternative: People who want to go to the game should bring their money.

Assignment for Appropriate Pronoun Use:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Look for problems with pronouns. Highlight the problem and then rewrite the sentence/paragraph on your paper.

Using Active Versus Passive Voice In a sentence using active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action expressed

in the verb.

The arrow points from the subject performing the action (the dog) to the individual being acted

upon (the boy). This is an example of a sentence using the active voice. Sample active voice sentence with the subject performing the action described by the verb.

The active voice sentence subject (watching a framed, mobile world) performs the action of

reminding the speaker of something. Each example above includes a sentence subject performing the action expressed by the verb. View examples of these verb tenses in the active voice. 

Building clear thesis statements

Writing clear sentences is important throughout your writing. For the purposes of this handout, let’s focus on the thesis statement—one of the most important sentences in academic argument papers. You can apply these ideas to other sentences in your papers.

A common problem with writing good thesis statements is finding the words that best capture both the important elements and the significance of the essay’s argument. It is not always easy to condense several paragraphs or several pages into concise key terms that, when combined in one sentence, can effectively describe the argument.

However, taking the time to find the right words offers writers a significant edge. Concise and appropriate terms will help both the writer and the reader keep track of what the essay will show and how it will show it. Graders, in particular, like to see clearly stated thesis statements. (For more on thesis statements in general, please refer to our handout.)

Example: You’ve been assigned to write an essay that contrasts the river and shore scenes in Mark Twain’sHuckleberry Finn. You work on it for several days, producing three versions of your thesis:

o Version 1: There are many important river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn.

o Version 2: The contrasting river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature.

o Version 3: Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain's Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave "civilized" society and go back to nature.

Let’s consider the word choice issues in these statements. In Version 1, the word "important"—like "interesting"—is both overused and vague; it suggests that the author has an opinion but gives very little indication about the framework of that opinion. As a result, your reader knows only that you’re going to talk about river and shore scenes, but not what you’re going to say. Version 2 is an improvement: the words "return to nature" give your reader a better idea where the paper is headed. On the other hand, she still does not know how this return to nature is crucial to your understanding of the novel.

Finally, you come up with Version 3, which is a stronger thesis because it offers a sophisticated argument and the key terms used to make this argument are clear. At least three key terms or concepts are evident: the contrast between river and shore scenes, a return to nature, and American democratic ideals.

By itself, a key term is merely a topic—an element of the argument but not the argument itself. The argument, then, becomes clear to the reader through the way in which you combine key terms.

The thesis statement or main claim must be debatable

An argumentative or persuasive piece of writing must begin with a debatable thesis or claim. In other words, the thesis must be something that people could reasonably have differing opinions on. If your thesis is something that is generally agreed upon or accepted as fact then there is no reason to try to persuade people.

Example of a non-debatable thesis statement: Pollution is bad for the environment.

This thesis statement is not debatable. First, the word pollution means that something is bad or negative in some way. Further, all studies agree that pollution is a problem, they simply disagree on the impact it will have or the scope of the problem. No one could reasonably argue that pollution is good.

Example of a debatable thesis statement:

At least twenty-five percent of the federal budget should be spent on limiting pollution.

This is an example of a debatable thesis because reasonable people could disagree with it. Some people might think that this is how we should spend the nation's money. Others might feel that we should be spending more money on education. Still others could argue that corporations, not the government, should be paying to limit pollution.

Another example of a debatable thesis statement: America's anti-pollution efforts should focus on privately owned cars.

In this example there is also room for disagreement between rational individuals. Some citizens might think focusing on recycling programs rather than private automobiles is the most effective strategy.

The thesis needs to be narrowAlthough the scope of your paper might seem overwhelming at the start, generally the narrower the thesis the more effective your argument will be. Your thesis or claim must be supported by evidence. The broader your claim is, the more evidence you will need to convince readers that your position is right.

Example of a thesis that is too broad: Drug use is detrimental to society.There are several reasons this statement is too broad to argue. First, what is included in the category "drugs"? Is the author talking about illegal drug use, recreational drug use (which might include alcohol and cigarettes), or all uses of medication in general? Second, in what ways are drugs detrimental? Is drug use causing deaths (and is the author equating deaths from overdoses and deaths from drug related violence)? Is drug use changing the moral climate or causing the economy to decline? Finally, what does the author mean by "society"? Is the author referring only to America or to the global population? Does the author make any distinction between the effects on children and adults? There are just too many questions that the claim leaves open. The author could not cover all of the topics listed above, yet the generality of the claim leaves all of these possibilities open to debate.

Example of a narrow or focused thesis: Illegal drug use is detrimental because it encourages gang violence.In this example the the topic of drugs has been narrowed down to illegal drugs and the detriment has been narrowed down to gang violence. This is a much more manageable topic.We could narrow each debatable thesis from the previous examples in the following way:

Narrowed debatable thesis 1: At least twenty-five percent of the federal budget should be spent on helping upgrade business

to clean technologies, researching renewable energy sources, and planting more trees in order to control or eliminate pollution.

This thesis narrows the scope of the argument by specifying not just the amount of money used but also how the money could actually help to control pollution.

Narrowed debatable thesis 2: America's anti-pollution efforts should focus on privately owned cars because it would allow

most citizens to contribute to national efforts and care about the outcome.This thesis narrows the scope of the argument by specifying not just what the focus of a national anti-pollution campaign should be but also why this is the appropriate focus. Qualifiers such as "typically," "generally," "usually," or "on average" also help to limit the scope of your claim by allowing for the almost inevitable exception to the rule.

Assignment for Thesis:

Review the first page of your graded/commented Essay 2: Review your thesis. Is it clear? Is it debatable? Is it narrow enough?

Types of Claims Claims typically fall into one of four categories. Thinking about how you want to approach your

topic, in other words what type of claim you want to make, is one way to focus your thesis on one particular aspect of you broader topic.

Claims of fact or definition: These claims argue about what the definition of something is or whether something is a settled fact. Example: What some people refer to as global warming is actually nothing more than normal, long-term

cycles of climate change.

Claims of cause and effect: These claims argue that one person, thing, or event caused another thing or event to occur. Example: The popularity of SUV's in America has caused pollution to increase.Claims about value: These are claims made about what something is worth, whether we value it or not, how we would rate or categorize something. Example: Global warming is the most pressing challenge facing the world today.Claims about solutions or policies: These are claims that argue for or against a certain solution or policy approach to a problem. Example: Instead of drilling for oil in Alaska we should be focusing on ways to reduce oil consumption,

such as researching renewable energy sources.

Which type of claim is right for your argument? Which type of thesis or claim you use for your argument will depend on your position and knowledge on the topic, your audience, and the context of your paper. You might want to think about where you imagine your audience to be on this topic and pinpoint where you think the biggest difference in viewpoints might be. Even if you start with one type of claim you probably will be using several within the paper. Regardless of the type of claim you choose to utilize it is key to identify the controversy or debate you are addressing and to define your position early on in the paper!

Strategies for successful word choice

1. Be careful when using words you are unfamiliar with. Look at how they are used in context and check their dictionary definitions.

2. Be careful when using the thesaurus. Each word listed as a synonym for the word you're looking up may have its own unique connotations or shades of meaning. Use a dictionary to be sure the synonym you are considering really fits what you are trying to say.

3. Don’t try to impress your reader or sound unduly authoritative. For example, which sentence is clearer to you: "a" or "b"?

a. Under the present conditions of our society, marriage practices generally demonstrate a high degree of homogeneity.

b. In our culture, people tend to marry others who are like themselves. (Longman, p. 452)

4. Before you revise for accurate and strong adjectives, make sure you are first using accurate and strong nouns and verbs. For example, if you were revising the sentence "This is a good book that tells about the Civil War," think about whether "book" and "tells" are as strong as they could be before you worry about "good." (A stronger sentence might read "The novel describes the experiences of a Confederate soldier during the Civil War." "Novel" tells us what kind of book it is, and "describes" tells us more about how the book communicates information.)

5. Try the slash/option technique, which is like brainstorming as you write. When you get stuck, write out two or more choices for a questionable word or a confusing sentence, e.g., "questionable/inaccurate/vague/inappropriate." Pick the word that best indicates your meaning or combine different terms to say what you mean.

6. Look for repetition. When you find it, decide if it is "good" repetition (using key terms that are crucial and helpful to meaning) or "bad" repetition (redundancy or laziness in reusing words).

7. Write your thesis in five different ways. Make five different versions of your thesis sentence. Compose five sentences that express your argument. Try to come up with four alternatives to the thesis sentence you’ve already written. Find five possible ways to communicate your argument in one sentence to your reader. (We've just used this technique—which of the last five sentences do you prefer?)

Whenever we write a sentence we make choices. Some are less obvious than others, so that it can often feel like we’ve written the sentence the only way we know how. By writing out five different versions of your thesis, you can begin to see your range of choices. The final version may be a combination of phrasings and words from all five versions, or the one version that says it best. By literally spelling out some possibilities for yourself, you will be able to make better decisions.

8. Read your paper out loud and at… a… slow… pace. You can do this alone or with a friend, roommate, TA, etc. When read out loud, your written words should make sense to both you and other listeners. If a sentence seems confusing, rewrite it to make the meaning clear.

9. Instead of reading the paper itself, put it down and just talk through your argument as concisely as you can. If your listener quickly and easily comprehends your essay’s main point and significance, you should then make sure that your written words are as clear as your oral presentation was. If, on the other hand, your listener keeps asking for clarification, you will need to work on finding the right terms for your essay. If you do this in exchange with a friend or classmate, rest assured that whether you are the talker or the listener, your articulation skills will develop.

10. Have someone not familiar with the issue read the paper and point out words or sentences he/she finds confusing. Do not brush off this reader's confusion by assuming he or she simply doesn't know enough about the topic. Instead, rewrite the sentences so that your "outsider" reader can follow along at all times.

Questions to ask yourself

Am I sure what each word I use really means? Am I positive, or should I look it up? Have I found the best word or just settled for the most obvious, or the easiest, one? Am I trying too hard to impress my reader? What’s the easiest way to write this sentence? (Sometimes it helps to answer this

question by trying it out loud. How would you say it to someone?) What are the key terms of my argument? Can I outline out my argument using only these key terms? What others do I need?

Which do I not need? Have I created my own terms, or have I simply borrowed what looked like key ones

from the assignment? If I’ve borrowed the terms, can I find better ones in my own vocabulary, the texts, my notes, the dictionary, or the thesaurus to make myself clearer?

Are my key terms too specific? (Do they cover the entire range of my argument?) Can I think of specific examples from my sources that fall under the key term?

Are my key terms too vague? (Do they cover more than the range of my argument?)