Welcome to the f i r st PACT Newsletter of the 2015-2016 school year. For those of you who are new to the SAR High School community, PACT stands for ?Parents Ask Call Talk.?  PACT represents our ini tiative to bui ld a culture of communication and col laboration among parents, chi ldren and the school.

We have exci ting PACT programming for the upcoming year that includes student discussions, parent evenings and a brand new parent forum that

w i l l begin in the spr ing, to discuss cur rent l i terature r elating to PACT issues.  Some of the topics that we w i l l be cover ing this year include sexuali ty, drug and alcohol abuse, teen safety, and mental health as well as other r elevant topics to today?s adolescents.  For detai ls on this year?s parent evenings, please refer to the gr id on page 8.

The theme for our f i r st newsletter of the year is mindfulness. We hope that the information contained in this newsletter helps you to prepare for the new year w ith a mindful per spective on parenting teens and improving the l ines of communication between parents, students and school.

As always, we would love your feedback. Feel fr ee to emai l us at pact@sarhighschool.org w ith any comments, questions or suggestions.

Shana tova! -- The PACT Team

September 2015

MESSAGE FROM PACT

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?

HISTORY OF MINDFULNESS

FAST PACED LIVES AND GROWING ANXIETY

HOW PARENTS CAN MODEL MINDFULNESS

EMPOWERING YOUR CHILD'S ACADEMIC SUCCESS

MINDFULNESS & PRAYER

LONG-TERM BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESSS

MESSAGE FROM THE PACT TEAM

IN THIS ISSUE

Shar e your PACT

f eedback wit h us

PACTFeedback@SARHighSchool.org

PACT LEADERSHIP COMMITTEE RABBI TULLY HARCSZTARK

RABBI AARON FRANK

DR. RUSSELL HOFFMAN

DR. MICHELLE HUMI

NURSE RUSSI BOHM

MR. MICHAEL COURTNEY

MS. CARI COHEN

LAYOUT & DESIGN: GILA KOLB

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?

By: Dr. Russell Hoffman, School Psychologist

A lot of attention has been focused in r ecent years on the potential benefi ts of ?mindfulness.? There have been numerous research ar ticles published explor ing the role of mindfulness in a var iety of areas such as managing str ess, coping w ith tr auma, enhancing communication and relationships, and optimizing classroom per formance, to name just a few.  Indeed,

mindfulness is emerging as both a promising area of study and a source of easi ly integrated exercises for counselor s and educator s to use w ith students.  So - what exactly is mindfulness?  Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction system and a r enow ned practi tioner and spokesperson for mindfulness, descr ibes i t as purposeful and sustained

(continued on pg. 5)

THE HISTORY

OF

MINDFULNESS

RESOURCES WITH TIPS FOR PRACTICING MINDFULNESS:

- CLICK HERE to take the 21 day mindfulness chal lenge! Join others around the globe for a 21-Day Mindfulness Chal lenge beginning on September 2nd. Through this chal lenge, you'l l receive a daily email with inspirat ion and ideas on how to cul t ivate your own daily mindfulness pract ice. way. (ht tp:/ /www.kindspring.org/chal lenge/ join/672/ )

- Mindful Parent ing: Simple and powerful solut ions for raising creat ive, engaged, happy kids in today?s hect ic world by Kristen Race

- For a great exercise to begin mindfulness both for yoursel f and family, watch the fol lowing ?Three Good Things Mindfulness Exercise.? (ht tps:/ /www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikjT3829sZ0)

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By: Mr. Michael Cour tney, Dir ector of College Counseling

The or igins of mindfulness techniques can be tr aced to Buddhist meditation practices of approximately 2500 years ago. I t was used to r each a state of inner peace, to str engthen concentration, and as a way of tapping human potential.  Over the centur ies, mindfulness has been employed by Hindus, Muslims, Chr istians and Jews as well .  Within Buddhism, i t has been taught that mindfulness r equir es intense practice and devotion and one may only teach i t after many years of practice under the watchful eyes of a Buddhist instr uctor.  Research has show n that mindfulness can successful ly r educe both psychological symptoms as well as improve physical health.

Facebook used to be the social media of choice for teens. Now, Facebook is passé, too slow to compete w ith Snapchat, Tw itter, and YikYak. I f ind myself r eminding students to check their emai l because that, too, has become too slow. Speed may contr ibute to students? anxiety and str ess, and one antidote may be to help students l ive in the moment and slow dow n. Many students feel over whelmed by their constant str eam of thoughts and never -ending to-do l ist. As we al l know, the enormous changes brought on by technological innovations have changed our l ives in both posi tive and negative ways.

Mindfulness techniques can help students develop tools to manage their str ess. By taking the time to focus on what?s tr uly impor tant, students can slow dow n their thoughts so that they can stop multi -tasking and focus on the present moment. By practicing mindfulness, and learning breathing and relaxation techniques, one can learn to stay ful ly present. Anxiety is wor r ying about the past or the future; mindfulness deals w ith the present moment, so by defini tion i t cannot include wor r y. When a wor r ying thought ar ises, i t can be noted and then let go, w ith the focus r edir ected to the present. By practicing mindfulness exercises, students can learn the tools to manage anxious feel ings. Once that happens, gaining a new management technique helps to empower the student to manage future str essful moments. Being mindful, in essence, means to accept whatever may come, and to bui ld the confidence and abi l i ty to successful ly manage l i fe?s inevi table challenges.

FASt Paced Lives and Gr owing Anxiet yBy: Ms. Car i Cohen, Assi stant Di r ector of Col l ege Counsel i ng

(continued on pa. 5)

HOW PARENTS CAN MODEL MINDFULNESSBy: Rabbi Aaron Frank, Associate Pr incipal

?What?s the secret to parenting?...Be the person you want your kids to become.?

- Dr. Kr isten Race,

3(continued on pg. 5)

As parents, we have many goals for our individual chi ldren and for our broader fami ly uni t. We aim to act as posi tive role models, r ef lecting the many pr ior i ties and values we hold dear. When i t comes to parenting towards mindfulness, one of the central elements is the impor tance of modell ing in the hopes that our chi ldren imitate and emulate our practice of a contemplative approach to the challenges of l i fe.

Spending time ref lecting upon practices of mindfulness and implementing them as parents w i l l not only lead to an increased quali ty of l i fe for us parents, but i t w i l l set a posi tive tone for our fami l ies as i t w i l l model practices that our chi ldren can imitate.

In Chapter 9 of her book, Dr. Race, shares a fr amework for creating a ?Mindful Family.? With a grounding in brain science and step by step r ecommendations for each of the fol low ing points, she challenges us, as parents to:

1- ?Cr eate space for m indfu lness? by noticing how we physical ly breathe and by al low ing us to act r ef lectively w ith ?forethought instead of f i r st thought.? (p. 171) We can achieve this by taking mindful breaths before we embark on tasks that may cause str ess such as answer ing a potential ly str essful phone cal l or si tting in tr aff ic.

She also suggests to simply tr y to slow dow n when we approach tasks that we often do quickly such as dr iving or typing.

2- L ive m or e i n the pr esent by increasing awareness of the moment. We can achieve this by simply talking to our teens about things we notice that are new or unusual around us, ei ther when we are dr iving or walking. Also, she suggests being more mindful of our speech. Even tr acking together how often we use ?f i l ler? words such as the words l ike or l i teral ly w i l l al low us to be more mindful.

3- Cul t ivate em pathy and com passion by decreasing negativi ty in discourse and increasing posi tive interaction w ith one another. We can achieve this by taking moments dur ing str uctured family time such as before kiddush on Shabbat evening to express something posi tive about each family member.  Subscr ibe to dai ly good news emai ls such as w w w.dai lygood.com and talk about them w ith the family. Also, r emember that your teen is never too old to be r eminded to say please and thank you.  We can model that behavior as well .

4-- Develop pat i ence and per si stence in the face of adver si t y by r ecognizing mistakes and developing our muscle of patience. We can achieve this not only through mindful breathing previously outl ined, but by ar ticulating the mistakes we make w ith our teens.  A once per week go-around at the table that asks, ?what mistake did you learn from today?? can show a commitment to this value. Also, do not hesi tate to model to your chi ldren by apologizing to them when you make a mistake.

5- Do not over schedule your ch i l d- In our Modern Or thodox yeshiva culture, just our chi ldren's school hours are f i l led from sunup to sundow n. Additionally, we want our chi ldren to take par t in extr acur r icular s and spor ts in order to have var ied exper iences and, let?s be honest, to improve their col lege prof i le.  Race recommends that in order to l ive mindful, healthy l ives, we cannot overprogram our chi ldren.   She w r i tes, ?Teenagers can handle

extr acur r icular activi ties three to f ive days a week.?  Before star ting the school year, discuss this

r ecommendation w ith your chi ld.  Remember, the decision of the weight of your schedule and your chi ld?s is up

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EMPOWERING YOUR CHILD'S ACADEMIC SUCCESS:

Mindful Techniques in the Parent-Child Dialogue

Achieving and maintaining academic success in high school is less about intel lectual abi l i ty and more about master ing perseverance. Without developing a ?stick w ith i t approach,? even the br ightest student fal ls prey to a ser ies of incomplete or missed assignments, lower test grades, and overal l loss of motivation. Whi le natural, a parent?s wor r ied r esponse to this scenar io can fuel tensions that undermine the parent?s desir e to help.

What is a parent to do?

Parenting an adolescent is no easy job. By design teenagers are in a tug of war w ith dependence ver sus independence. As such, they are l ikely to avoid seeking parental advice, especial ly around school-r elated issues. Asking the perennial question, ?How was school today?? may now be seen as an invasion of pr ivacy. The response to which would be intended to keep a parent in the dark.

Feeling helpless, the parent may compensate by nagging or making threats to l imit activi ties the chi ld tr uly enjoys. Frustr ation and anger tend to become emotional byproducts for both parent and chi ld. A more effective approach for dealing w ith this sensi tive issue could involve using pr inciples of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the cultivation of being present and paying attention to dai ly acts of l iving that br ings about heightened awareness. This awareness al lows for a more honest and thoughtful level of understanding and communication. Having an open mind and hear t r ather than holding on to assumptions, wor r ies, and judgments dr ive the interaction. The parent who applies mindfulness techniques when speaking w ith a son or daughter about improving academic per formance can cultivate cooperation over r esistance. In such an atmosphere both parent and chi ld join for ces to come up w ith solutions for r echarging motivation. When appropr iate, the parent can act as a study par tner.

Below are suggestions for engaging in a mindfulness dialogue w ith your chi ld.

Prepar ing for the conversation:

- Reflect on the fear s you have about your chi ld?s academic progress. Are you wor r ied he/she w i l l not get into the r ight col lege? Are you wor r ied about his/her self-esteem? Are you wor r ied he/she may have a learning disabi l i ty?

- Accept the fear. Once you can do that, the fear loses i ts power and al lows you to deal w i th the present issue ? helping your chi ld f ind ways to get his/her work done.

Introducing the need for a conversation:

- Be honest, not angr y.- Invi te your son or daughter into the conversation. Set a time that is convenient for both of you and stick to i t.

?I?ve noticed you haven?t been spending much time on school work lately. When would be a good time to talk about this??

Dur ing the conversation:

- Listen w ithout inter r upting to make your point. The conversation should not be a competi tion.- Show compassion. Tr y to see school through your son/daughter?s eyes and acknow ledge his/her per spective.

Acknow ledgement does not mean you must agree. Rather i t honors your chi ld?s personhood. Respecting your chi ld for who he/she is increases oppor tuni ties for cooperation. I t w i l l become easier to str ategize about setting pr ior i ties and time-management.

- Ask how else you can be helpful and be avai lable both physical ly and mental ly. Be attentive and have a

posi tive atti tude. (continued on pg. 5)

By: Dr. Gail Gumora, Coordinator SLC Resource Program

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EMPOWERING YOUR CHILD'S ACADEMIC SUCCESS (continued from pg. 4)

to you and them. How w i l l you al l cr eate a schedule that is, at once, challenging and stimulating and also one that has enough breathing space to create a healthy balance in your teen?s l i fe and the l i fe of your fami ly?

Whi le each of these dir ectives may seem intui tively simple, they are easier said than done. Only by conscious, del iberate and thoughtful planning can we succeed in internalizing these behavior s.  Through practicing these techniques we w i l l be able to be models of mindfulness for our teens, who, even though some may deny i t or may not want to admit i t, look to us as one of the central, i f not the central, role models in their l ives.

HOW PARENTS CAN MODEL MINDFULNESS (continued from pg 3)

The parent as a study par tner :

Some students have a di f f icult time studying alone. They need to bounce ideas off of a w i l l ing l istener. Offer to be a l istener. Have your chi ld r eci te information he/she has been studying. Reci ting information helps students r einfor ce and clar i fy what they know. You do not need to be the exper t, just l isten for connections between the main idea and the detai ls. I f you think detai ls are missing, you can say: ?Can you tel l me more, I?m not sure I understand.? Be careful not to cr i ticize.

Final ly, do not underestimate your chi ld. He/she may f ind i t di f f icult to share feel ings about missing assignments and lower test grades to avoid disappointing you. But the feel ings are present and more than l ikely coincide w ith what you are feel ing. He/she is also wor r ied and wants to succeed.

When my daughter was in tenth grade she lost some academic momentum. I walked into her room one evening and snapped at her about not doing homework. She looked at me and said, ?Mom don?t you think I am as wor r ied as you. What I need is a hug instead of your cr i ticism.?

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS? (continued from pg 1)

attention to cultivate one?s undistor ted, non-judgmental awareness of the moment.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing one?s conscious awareness on the moment. I t involves actively and purposeful ly focusing the mind on the task at hand, whether i t is a thinking task, such as deciding on a thesis for an essay or thinking about an interaction w ith another per son and deciding how you feel about i t, or an activi ty, such as eating, r eading or engaging in conversation.  Mindfulness is the opposi te of mindlessness - i t is the opposi te of doing something whi le operating on ?automatic pi lot.?  In a sense, i t is the act of devoting one?s awareness and engagement meaningful ly and completely to one thing at a time.  In today?s wor ld of multi -tasking and juggling multiple agendas/ expectations, mindfulness might seem l ike a daunting endeavor or a threat to productivi ty.  However, much of the r esearch shows that practicing mindfulness can have substantial benefi ts for productivi ty as well as one?s psychological and physical well-being.  And, perhaps even more impor tantly, mindfulness exercises are not di f f icult to learn or use.

One way that we have found to help explain and teach mindfulness to students is by focusing attention on just one sensor y exper ience for a shor t per iod of time. For example, we might have students si t quietly, w i th eyes closed, and focus their attention on their tacti le sensor y input: the feel of the cool air from the air conditioner vent blow ing across their skin, the feel of the desk under their hands, the weight of their shir t

fabr ic pressing dow n on their shoulders, etc.  Alternatively, we might ask students to focus their visual attention on a f l icker ing candle f lame or a tr ee outside the w indow, noticing and appreciating the r ange of visual detai ls that they usually over look, whi le also tuning out the background ?noise? of their other senses.  Each of these mindfulness exercises lasts about 3 minutes.  Using these br ief exercises, we give students an exper iential lesson in what i t feels l ike to be more ful ly present and aware in the moment, so that they have a r eference point for using these techniques on their ow n.  With practice, this can al low students to develop more control over their attention r egulation and other cognitive processes, which is cer tainly a useful asset for learning.

BY: RABBI TULLY HARCSZTARK, PRINCIPAL

MINDFULNESs and PRAYER in an AGE of DISTRACTION

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In his book, Focus, Daniel Goleman, the psychologist and journalist cal ls the times in which we l ive, ?The Age of Distr action?. Al l around us, for ces are competing for our attention. The prevalence of technology and media have raised this to an unprecedented level in our society. He w r i tes, ?The real message is: because attention is under siege more than i t has ever been in human histor y, we have more distr actions than ever before, we have to be more focused on cultivating the ski l ls of attention.? Focus and mindfulness are crucial ingredients, not only for per sonal achievement, but for inner peace, rootedness, a sense of tr anscendence and an appreciation for what we have.

Achieving this level of mindfulness takes practice; in our media-saturated environment, even more so. Jew ish l i fe contains w ithin i t a power ful mechanism through which to cultivate mindfulness and a deep inner spir i t: i t is the power of dai ly prayer.

Professor Michael Fishbane explicates the way that tef i l la and brachot expressly ser ve the purpose of cultivating a spir i tual mindfulness, focused attention and an appreciation of the basic exper iences of ever yday l i fe. His book is aptly ti tled Sacred Attunement, r ef lecting the idea

that developing such mindfulness and spir i tual awareness r equir es practice. I t r equir es developing a disposi tion and cultivating an attunement to the beauty and sacredness of ever yday being-in-the-wor ld.

?Dai ly l i fe is f i l led w ith events that largely escape routine attention. I t is halakha that tr ies to focus the mind so that one may acknow ledge the many occasions of l i fe as they happen. At the nexus of wor ld-being and personhood, the language of blessings is a power ful agent of tr ansformation. The ear ly morning r eci tations and blessings for food or unexpected occur rences (of sight and sound) are exemplar y (p. 121)?. The brachot that we reci te each morning are r emarkable in the intensi ty of their focus. Although we commonly r eci te these berachot in shul, they were designed to be r eci ted as we exper ience each moment of the morning routine. Consider i ts power : a blessing when we open our eyes and see; when we cover our selves w ith clothing; when we are able to str etch out and move our body; when we place our feet on the ground; when we stand up.

Our prayer charges us to slow dow n and take notice of ever y moment of the morning routine, to take nothing for granted, to focus deeply on the ever yday.

Professor Fishbane continues: Nothing is taken for granted; ever ything is r eceived as a gi f t? The subjective self dir ects mindfulness to this inf lux of God?s creative for ce into one?s dai ly l i fe, which is now not a mindless routine of mere naturalness, but seen w ith a focused spir i tual attention. Dai ly sustenance is exper ienced as a divine gi f t and normal habitude is r uptured (p. 122).?

Dai ly prayer provides us w ith a power ful oppor tuni ty to begin our day by cultivating a sense of spir i t and inner peace; to take a break from the intense f low of classes and activi ties to slow dow n, r ef lect and appreciate; and to end our day in a mindful and spir i tual ly attuned way. In the ?Age of Distr action?, prayer is a gi f t in which we should invest our energies. The sacred attunement and mindfulness that are the fr ui ts of prayer can enr ich our l ives in the most meaningful way.

LONG TERM BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS

Recent ly, ther e has been a l ot of concer n about the pr essur e and st r ess that h igh school and col l ege students face and the r am i f i cat i ons of that pr essur e and st r ess on thei r m ental heal th . Fr ank Br uni , a r ecent SAR speaker , i n h i s Ju ly 29, 2015 ar t i cl e i n the New Yor k Tim es ent i t l ed ?Today?s Ex hausted Super k ids? h igh l i ghts som e of the ef fects of st r ess on students and how to al l ev iate som e of that st r ess. Aside f r om Br uni?s suggest ion of possibly r edef in ing what i t m eans to ach ieve, Jef f r ey Kluger w r ote an ar t i cl e i n Tim e, ent i t l ed ?In Pr ai se of the Or dinar y Chi l d? (Ju ly 23, 2015) which stated that ?som ewher e between the sel f -esteem bui l ding of going for the gold and the sel f -esteem cr ushing of the Ivy-or -die ethos, ther e has to be a place wher e k ids can br eathe.?

Mindfu lness i s a pr ocess designed to r educe i r r elevant thoughts i n or der to i nter nal i ze at tent i on. Resear ch has shown that m indfu lness pr act i ces can decr ease st r ess, im pr ove r elaxat i on, enhance em ot ional stabi l i t y, i ncr ease concent r at i on, and im pr ove physi cal heal th . Fur ther m or e, m indfu lness has been shown to have sign i f i cant posi t ive im pact on m ental heal th di sor der s i ncluding anx iety, depr ession, af fect ive di sor der s, and at tent i on def i ci t s.

M indfu lness m ay al so have long-last i ng neur ologi cal ef fects. Rich ie Davidson, a psychologist at The Center for Invest i gat i ng Heal thy Minds at the Univer si t y of Wisconsin- Madison ex plains, (Mindfu l , Aug 2014) ?We can intent i onal l y shape the di r ect i on of plast i ci t y changes in our br ain . By focusing on wholesom e thoughts? we can potent i al l y i n f l uence the plast i ci t y of our br ains and shape them in ways that can be benef i cial .?

Mor e speci f i cal l y, the amygdala, our br ain?s ?f i ght or f l i ght? center and the seat of fear fu l and anx ious em ot ions, has been shown to decr ease in cel l volum e af ter m indfu lness pr act i ce. Not on ly has i t been shown that the amygdala shr inks post m indfu lness pr act i ce, but the connect ions between the amygdala and pr ef r ontal cor tex (ar ea r esponsible for execut ive funct i on ing such as planning pr oblem solv ing, and em ot ion r egulat i on) ar e weakened. Th i s al l ows for l ess r eact iv i t y and m ay cause for m or e connect ions between h igher or der br ain funct i on such as at tent i on and concent r at i on. The long-ter m ef fect of m indfu lness on our br ain com es f r om pr act i ce and r out i ne. I t com es f r om teaching students to slow down, take a step back and becom e m or e awar e of the si tuat i on; gauging thei r st r ess l evel ; and becom ing m or e accept ing, l ess judgm ental , and less r eact ive.

Whi le students? st r ess l evel s and lack of sleep ar e m ul t i f aceted i ssues, m indfu lness i s one tool that we as educator s and par ents can help m odel and im plem ent w i th our students and ch i l dr en. Doing so m ay not on ly com bat h igh school st r ess but al so l ong-ter m st r ess they m ay face i n col l ege and beyond.

By: Dr. Michelle Humi, School Psychologist

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PACT NEWSLETTER sept ember 2015

GRADE BY GRADE RESOURCES

8

In addition to the suppor t of our school psychologists, our Grade Level Coordinator s monitor and help shape the grade?s culture. GLCs oversee the grade?s advisor y program and ser ve as the point-people for monitor ing the academic and social progress of individual students.

Along w ith Grade Level Coordinator s and our PACT team, programs are created to fur ther the PACT goal of increasing education and str engthening communication.

GRADE GRADE LEVEL COORDINATOR PARENT PACT PROGRAMS FOR THE COMING YEAR

9 Ms. Shoshana Chanales

schanales@sarhighschool.org

9th Grade Parent PACT Night - November 4, 2015

PACT staff facilitate discussion using real life HS scenarios to open lines of communication between parents, their children and the school about parenting and decision making.

10 Ms. Gloria Schneider

gschneider@sarhighschool.org

10th Grade Parent PACT Night - January 20, 2016

Interactive evening with parents sharing what students are learning about in their health and beit midrash classes regarding sexuality, wellness and good decision making.

11 Ms. Lisa Birnbaum

Ms. Michel le Hoch

lbirnbaum@sarhighschool.org

mhoch@sarhighschool.org

11th Grade Parent PACT Night - FOR PARENTS AND STUDENTS January 25, 2016

Evening for students and parents, hearing real life stories from Riverdale community members about adolescent substance abuse experiences.

12 Ms. Al icia Germano

Ms. Shul i Taubes

agermano@sarhighschool.org

staubes@sarhighschool.org

12th Grade Parent PACT Night -December 14, 2015

"Parenting When Your Child Has One Foot out the Door" The program features a panel by parents of SAR alum.  It focuses on the challenges and issues regarding parental responsibilities in a year where we need to foster independence and encourage wise decision making.