May 2016

As a PACT team, in many of our sessions and projects, we understandably focus on r isky behavior s that can negatively impact the physical, emotional and spir i tual health of our chi ldren. At the suggestion of some parents, in this, our f inal PACT newsletter of the year , we have decided to shi f t our focus. We have decided to explore ways in which we, as parents and teachers, can practice ?Positive Parenting?.

We are approaching Posi tive Parenting in two ways. Fir st, this type of parenting is ?simply guidance that keeps our kids on the right path, offered in a positive way that resists any temptation to be punitive. Studies show that's what helps kids learn consideration and responsibility, and makes for happier kids and parents.? (Dr. Laura Markham in http://w w w.posi tive-parents.org/2011/06/posi tive-parenting-what-why-how _15.html)

The second way that we are approaching this concept in our newsletter is by parenting towards posi tive behavior s. Our PACT team is addressing impor tant posi tive behavior s that we sometimes over look in PACT-type conversations such as r espect, grati tude, ini tiative and constr uctive dialogue. This is our last newsletter of the year and w i l l be my f inal edi tion before leaving SAR. PACT is an incredible endeavor. We have made signi f icant str ides but there is so much more work to be done.

I would l ike to thank Rabbi Harcsztark for his leadership and vision of PACT. I would also l ike to thank the GLCs who work ti r elessly to create a healthy environment for our students. Thank you to Nava Cohen and Gi la Kolb for al l of their work in making PACT and i ts projects happen. The PACT team is an incredible group from whom I have learned so much. I thank them for their energy, w isdom and care. Final ly, you, the parents, are our dai ly par tner s and your suppor t of PACT is cr i tical for the welfare of our chi ldren.

We have had a great year as we worked to create an environment for impor tant dialogue through our grade level parent programs, these newsletter s and our ?Wake up w ith PACT? roundtables. Have a wonder ful summer and as always, we would love to hear from you. Emai l us at pact@sarhighschool.org w ith ideas for upcoming newsletter s or programming suggestions.

- Rabbi Aaron Frank

PACT LEADERSHIP COMMITTEE

A TORAH LENS OF POSITIVE PARENTING

EMAIL ETIQUETTE

HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT POLITICS

THE POWER OF GRATITUDE

HELPING OUR ADOLESCENTS TO TAKE INITIATIVE

THE IMPORTANCE OF TEACHING KINDNESS

STAYING CONNECTED WITH YOUR TEEN DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS

GLC CONTACT INFORMATION

WAKE UP WITH PACT

MESSAGE FROM THE PACT TEAM

IN THIS ISSUE

Shar e your PACT

f eedback wit h us

PACTFeedback@SARHighSchool.org

RABBI TULLY HARCSZTARK

RABBI AARON FRANK

DR. RUSSELL HOFFMAN

DR. MICHELLE HUMI

NURSE RUSSI BOHM

MR. MICHAEL COURTNEY

MS. CARI COHEN

LAYOUT & DESIGN: GILA KOLB

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A TORAH LENS OF POSITIVE PARENTING

(continued on pg. 9)

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By: Rabbi David Einhor n, Judaic Studies Faculty

The basic premise for parenting, education and any type of r elationship where there are exchanges back and for th is a ver y well know n pasuk that was authored by Shlomo Hamelech in Sefer Mishlei . He said:

This should be an i ronclad r ule whenever we speak to anyone, and especial ly when we speak to our chi ldren. Shlomo Hamelech is teaching us a profound lesson in how to r elate to our chi ldren. Many times, i f not always, we are expecting something. We come to a conversation w ith a cer tain agenda and i f that agenda is not met then we feel we have fai led in that engagement. This is because we are simply not thinking about the best interest of our chi ldren. We have to always have them in mind and not only have ourselves in mind. The Baal Shem Tov echoed this message as well . He came onto the scene when scholar s got al l of the attention and the "simple" folk were left feel ing depressed and alone. In the Baal Shem Tov?s inner cir cle were water car r ier s, blacksmiths and sometimes even sinners si tting alongside great Torah sages. He tr ied to share the message that each and ever y Jew is holy and has a tr emendous amount to offer.

Posi tive parenting challenges us to see our chi ldren for the potential for goodness that they possess. I t is about searching for their posi tive elements, f inding pathways to take those areas of str ength and using those areas to develop the midot that w i l l help our chi ldren. I f we do our best in tr ying to help our chi ldren grow and develop in the way that they need, we w i l l see such amazing fr ui ts from them. That is posi tive parenting, that is the way to ensure that our kids w i l l have the proper values in understanding how to choose between r ight and w rong.

By: Russi Bohm , School Nurse

When I r eceived an emai l ear l ier this year from a student w ith an emoji icon and shor thand letter s instead of actual words, I began to wonder where emai l etiquette has gone. I star ted speaking to other faculty members here at SAR High School who felt the same way. The ar t of crafting an emai l w i th a r espectful tone is lost amongst many of our students. The emoji subject l ines, lack of proper greeting, and tone of emai ls feel as i f students are w r i ting to their fr iends r ather than their teachers. I don?t bel ieve this is happening maliciously. However , I do think we need to do a better job of educating our students in how to constr uct r espectful, considerate, and poli te emai ls to teachers, administr ator s, and future employers.

One of the emai ls I r ecently r eceived stated the fol low ing:

Subject l ine ?unexcused absences?. The body of the emai l r ead as fol lows:

?Hi, I thought you said you were signing me out.?

How should we address these types of communications where the l ine between adult and teenager has been disrespected? Here is a br ief l ist of str ategies for managing e-mai l communications w ith students (Association for Psychological Science).

Di r ect Inst r uct i on : We should include formal instr uction on the character istics of a professional e-mai l in our courses. Such instr uction could include show ing students professional and unprofessional examples of the same e-mai l communication. I t could also outl ine r equir ements such as including f i r st and last names in any e-mai l signature.

Model Pr ofessional i sm : Consider teacher -student e-mai l communications an oppor tuni ty for students to learn proper communication techniques and for you to model professional emai l etiquette.

Gent le Cor r ect i ons for Egr egious Em ai l s: Sometimes an emai l may r ise to the point in which a cor rection for the inappropr iate emai l content is in order.

HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT POLITICSBy: Michael Cour tney, Director of College Counseling

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The 2016 presidential election is less than six months away and the battle has been contentious for qui te some time. Whether watching on television, l istening to r adio, or engaging in social media, the talk of the Amer ican presidential r ace is fr equently in the air. The signs and bumper sticker s are making their way and the onslaught of messages is inescapable. Regardless of your par ty aff i l iation, i t is impor tant to speak to your chi ldren about United States poli tics in some capaci ty. Your high school kids are on the verge of voting, w ith near ly al l the cur rent senior s being 18 by November. Whether in 9th grade or the 12th, your sons and daughter s are at the stage where they can form di f ferent pol i tical opinions than their parents or maintain simi lar posi tions. For parents, the aim should be to keep your chi ldren engaged w ith the poli tical process as they enter adulthood. Here are some tips to consider in engaging w ith your chi ldren about pol i tics in the months pr ior to the major election:

1) Avoid sweeping general izations. Statements such as "All Democrats bel ieve in ABC..." or "Al l Republicans believe in XYZ" do not r ef lect the nuances of the par ty system. Some candidates go against their par ty color s and some are more in the center. I t is impor tant to str ess that students conduct r esearch on the candidates, not just for the White House vote but also for governor , senator , and congress in their home state. Poli ticians' r espective websites are comprehensive.2) Accentuate the posi tive (w w w.kidshealth.org). Strong feel ings about contentious issues can igni te arguments and parents should educate their chi ldren on voicing di f ferences of opinion w ith r espect and confidence. When possible, talk about the issues a candidate is for and your kids w i l l get the message. There are negative, smear campaign ads throughout election season, which isn't the type of tone a parent should seek to communicate to their chi ldren. UCLA's Lynn Vavreck, a professor of pol i tical science and communications, says "Poli tics conversations are poli te conversations. That's r ule number 1." (w w w.time.com)3) Parents should feel fr ee to share their opinion but make i t apparent that chi ldren can have their ow n. Of course, a parent can have par ty bias as i t is di f f icult to be completely unbiased when i t comes to poli tical discourse. That being said, parents should encourage their chi ldren to be open minded and cur ious and obser ve how the younger generation processes the distinctions w ithin the poli tical system. I f you and your spouse are strong suppor ter s of one par ty and your high school student endorses another , tr y to understand their r ationale and have meaningful discussions about their bel iefs. 4) Adapt conversations to your chi ld's age. Younger chi ldren do not understand cur rent or wor ld events the same ways adults, or young adults, do. An elementar y school-aged kid w i l l see things di f ferently from a pre-teenager , who w i l l not necessar i ly comprehend the process in the same way as a high school student. I f the chi ld does not seem interested in the least, teach the facts but do not for ce an agenda. When kids hear parents talk about a subject w i th genuine interest, they pick up on the discussions and are cur ious about the fuss. When i t comes to talking to your kids about the election, you may

(continued on pg. 9)

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THE POWER OF GRATITUDE BY: CARI COHEN, ASSISTANT COLLEGE COUNSELOR

"Grati tude rejoices w ith her sister joy and is always r eady to l ight a candle and have a par ty. Grati tude doesn't much l ike the old cronies of boredom, despair and taking l i fe for granted." Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Have you ever woken up feel ing wor r y or dread about the day ahead? The next time this happens, tr y to r eview the past day, and al low yourself to feel grati tude rather than the negativi ty. Scienti f ic evidence has show n that being actively grateful makes you happier.

Consider the Three Blessings exercise, a classic in the f ield of psychology. This amazingly simple technique has been show n to have a power ful, posi tive effect on r educing symptoms of depression and anxiety, whi le simultaneously increasing a sense of joy and well-being. The task is simple enough. As your day comes to a close, think about three things that happened dur ing the day that you are most grateful for. Could i t r eal ly be that something so easy could have such profound results? The unequivocal answer is yes!

Our dai ly prayer is f i l led w ith words of grati tude. But, do we concentrate on these words, or simply r eci te them to fulf i l l our r el igious obligation? Our r abbis teach that our prayers must be intentional, that our expressions of grati tude need to penetrate our hear ts.

Simply by taking the time to think about the things you are grateful for increases your posi tivi ty. Tel l ing the wor ld what

you?re grateful for leads to a shi f t from negative or judgmental atti tudes and increases appreciation and mindfulness about how blessed we are. Scienti f ic r esearch shows that a dai ly grati tude exercise can actually make you happier. The simple yet tr ansformative practice of grati tude helps us r emember how for tunate we are. We also feel a stronger connection to something greater than ourselves, cultivating a sense of wonder and awe of the wor ld around us.

Dr. Mar tin Seligman, aka ?The Father of Posi tive Psychology,? has changed the way psychologists understand and tr eat depression and has altered the way we understand happiness. His highly scienti f ic approach toward understanding proven methods and techniques contain tr emendous potential to increase feel ings of well-being. Studies show that practicing grati tude on a r egular basis improves health, sleep, energy, enthusiasm, posi tive moods, and can help bui ld a greater sense of feel ing connected to other s. Other studies dir ectly looked at grati tude and well-being, concluding that a conscious focus on grati tude has clear emotional, physical, and interpersonal benefi ts, and can even str engthen immune systems. I t?s not about the miracle of being cured from cancer , or getting the big promotion. I t?s about the simple day-to-day awareness that we tend to over look such as having good health, a job, or a loyal fr iend. The aim is to focus on what has happened instead of what might happen. I t appears that once we do this there is a shi f t in both our per ception and our physical well-being.

How can you pr act i ce gr at i t ude?With young chi ldren, begin by ask them what they are thankful for. Keep a r unning l ist to continue adding to their ideas and thoughts. You?re bui lding a habit of posi tivi ty! At bedtime, do a bedtime body scan, focusing their attention from their toes to their head, expressing thanks for al l of the abi l i t ies that each par t of the body contr ibutes. By simply r ecognizing the power of the human body, we help chi ldren focus on feel ings of grati tude. Parents can model displaying grati tude in front of their teenage chi ldren, who are oftentimes burdened w ith hours of homework, the pressures of testing, and a lack of sleep. Whi le i t is in the ver y nature of most teenagers to take things for granted, we can best inf luence them to become altr uistic individuals through our actions.

Spend time each day thinking about the things you are grateful for. We do this ever y time we daven, focusing on expressing our thanks to G-d for the many things we may take for granted on a dai ly basis. When you f ind yourself focusing on negative thoughts, consciously change your focus to think about the things you are grateful for.

START BY STARTING: HELPING OUR ADOLESCENTS TO TAKE INITIATIVE By: Rabbi Aar on Fr ank , Associate Principal

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As parents in 2016, most of us are fami l iar w i th the lesson of the Blessing of the Skinned Knee, Wendy Mogel?s bestsel l ing book which talks about the impor tance of al low ing our chi ldren to fal l or to f lounder in order to gain r esi l ience and character. This approach f l ies dir ectly in the face of the phenomenon of hel icopter parenting, parenting that car r ies along w ith i t the swooping in and saving and protecting our chi ldren from al l challenge and harm.

Yet, over the years, I have seen an increase in the need to focus in another arena. I t is the arena of ini tiative. When our chi ldren are young, we f i l l in ever y form, make ever y appointment and inter vene w ith teachers when we identi fy a need. But as they grow older and move toward adulthood, we expect our kids to step up as we want them to learn to do for themselves and take ini tiative.

In i t i at ive and i t s im por tance: According to the Webster?s defini tion, ini tiative involves the energy and desir e that is needed to do something, the power to do i t, and a plan that is intended to solve a problem (http://w w w.mer r iam-webster.com/dictionar y/ini tiative). Additionally, ini tiative is the ?abi l i ty to propel l i fe for ward in purposeful dir ections?. (w w w.rootsofaction.com)

In order to understand what needs to be done to have our chi ldren and students take this type of ini tiative, I would l ike to focus on a number of main ingredients that lead toward ini tiative and how we can parent or teach toward this impor tant posi tive behavior.

Desi r e: One of my favor i te l ines in the kids book and movie ser ies Diary of a Wimpy Kid is when the teenage brother , Rodr ick, is giving his brother advice on l i fe. He says, ?don?t be good at something you don?t want to do.? There is great w isdom in this tongue and cheek guide to l i fe l ine as i t points to the teen (and many adults) approach to abi l i ty and level of desir e.

Whether i t?s going to a teacher for suppor t on an assignment or taking that f i r st step in f inding a summer job, one of the main obstacles preventing our chi ldren from achieving goals is desir e. We think i t?s impor tant that the student gets a good grade, or we want our chi ld to have a posi tive summer exper ience, but often our chi ldren do not share our burning desir e. When they are young, they do what we want, but as they grow , w ithout desir e, they may not be engaged in the activi ties and acquir e the exper iences we value. I f we say to them, ?don?t you want that scholar ship?? sometimes we must be honest w ith our selves and realize that i t is we who want i t, not always them. Sometimes i t is not ini tiative they lack, i t is lacking desir e to move toward the goal. We want them to be good at something we want them to do.

In order to impar t and have our chi ldren share desir e, there are no shor tcuts. We must tel l our stor ies on how we ar r ived at these pr ior i ties and model for teens their impor tance. At the same time, we must also l isten to how kids feel about these values and l isten well . In our conversations, we must also be prepared for them to have di f ferent views than we do on par ticular values.

Whi le these conversations w i l l not guarantee that they w i l l share our passions, our voice w i l l be insti l led in them and hopeful ly al low them to ow n the issue for themselves. This may fuel their desir e to take ini tiative.

What l i es behind l ack of ener gy and abi l i t y: Even i f our chi ldren have show n desir e, they may lack the energy to make i t happen. This lack of energy may come from lack of r esources or possibly even fear.

Fir st, our chi ldren are unable to take ini tiative and see things through because, as f i lmmaker and author Vicki Abeles w r i tes, ?The way to r eclaim a chi ldhood stuck in overdr ive has a lot to do w ith time.? The hectic schedule of some

(continued on pg. 10)

By: Dr . Russel l Hof fm an , School Psychologist

As a chi ld/adolescent psychologist, I am ver y interested in development. I think a lot about the ways that people grow and change and mature over time. This is cer tainly one of my favor i te lenses through which to r ead and interpret Torah. The nar rative of the Torah can be read as a developmental histor y. I t tel ls the stor y of our development - as a species and as a nation - from bir th/creation through chi ldhood, in which we learn about our wor ld and the r elationships we have to the things and people in i t, through adolescence, in which we str uggle w ith the tr ansi tion from immature dependence on God (our parent) to more mature interdependence w ith God, and into the autonomy and self-determination of adulthood. (I give credi t and thanks to Rabbi Yi tz Greenberg for formulating and shar ing this interpretive theme in a lecture many years ago.) One way that this theme resonates ver y much w ith my understanding of human development comes from parshat Noach. At this juncture in the nar rative, our toddler -esque species is dominating the ear th and making qui te a mess of things. They are exceedingly self-absorbed and hedonistic, and there seems to be, from the descr iption of their behavior and interactions, a distinct lack of kindness in the wor ld. God punishes humanity and, whi le formulating a new approach to steer their development back on tr ack, comes to a r eal ization: people are inherently self-centered from bir th (my loose interpretation of ?ra m?nurav?). They need to be instr ucted and guided i f they are to tr anscend this aspect of their nature and become agents of kindness in the wor ld. From now on, humanity w i l l have more hands-on parenting from God; they w i l l be taught how to be kind.

Kindness is rooted in empathy. Empathy is the combination of one?s capaci ty to appreciate someone else?s perspective and one?s personal investment in the emotional welfare of other s. In other words, i t is not only being able to understand

how someone else thinks and feels, i t is also being emotionally affected by, and invested in, what that per son thinks and feels. I f sympathy is to feel for someone, empathy is to feel with someone. Establishing and nur tur ing our emotional connections w ith other s is a pr imar y goal of human development, and so empathy is a pr imar y developmental achievement. I t is also a fundamental facet of Judaism. The developmental nar rative in the Torah asks us to draw on our ow n emotional exper iences of suffer ing, despair and redemption in order to empathize w ith the disenfranchised and dow ntrodden in our midst. Many years ago, my doctoral disser tation r esearch focused on the connection between empathic parenting (i .e., when parents are r esponsive to the emotional signals/needs of their chi ldren) and chi ldren?s subsequent abi l i ty to exercise empathy in their interactions w ith peers. We found a posi tive cor relation - parents who expressed and modeled empathic behavior in their parenting style tended to have chi ldren who behaved more empathical ly toward others. In other words, when parents model and teach kindness, chi ldren learn to be kind.

I think that kindness is the single most impor tant element in a healthy school culture. I t is challenging for people - and perhaps even more so for adolescents - to step outside of themselves and appreciate the wor ld from other per spectives. To appreciate how other people might exper ience the wor ld in ways that are di f ferent from their ow n. Kindness both emerges from and faci l i tates that per spective-taking process. Whi le I appreciate the national attention on bullying in schools that we have w itnessed over the past several years, I feel that al l too often these discussions are over ly simplistic and negative. They are over ly focused on the behavior we are tr ying to prohibi t (bul lying/unkindness) and are not focused enough on the kinds of behavior and interpersonal interactions that we want to promote. Promoting kindness in a meaningful ly systemic way is a vi tal component of creating a safe and healthy school culture where students can thr ive. To help create that culture, we need to teach our chi ldren how to be kind. Hopeful ly, they have learned at least some of this lesson by the time they have reached high school, but developing and per fecting one?s capaci ty for kindness is r eal ly a l i felong process, and there are speci f ic aspects of i t that are par ticular ly r elevant to teenagers.

One message that we should str ive to r einfor ce w ith our adolescent chi ldren/students is that they are connected to and

responsible for the emotional welfare of other s. This is admittedly a complicated concept. Teenagers are in the

THE

impor tance

of t eaching

kindness

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process of individuating and determining their ow n individual identi ties. They are constantly being r eminded that as they get older they are increasingly r esponsible for themselves. The impor tance of kindness and empathy can sound l ike a confusingly mixed message: how can I be responsible for myself and also be responsible for others? What about their responsibility for themselves? What about their responsibility for me and my feelings?! (Lucki ly, the brain development that occurs throughout adolescence al lows for much more sophisticated abstr act and existential thinking, so they can f ind answers to these seemingly paradoxical questions.) One way that we can help them integrate kindness into their per sonal developmental process is to provide them w ith concrete behavior s that they can do. School-sponsored chesed activi ties are one such example. Making time for a chesed tr ip in the middle of a busy day/week sends the message to students that kindness is impor tant, that we need to stop and exercise that abi l i ty to take other people?s perspective, intui t from that what they need, and respond empathical ly to that awareness. Parents can reinfor ce this message by show ing that they also value these oppor tuni ties for kindness and suppor t SAR?s inclusion of them in the programming.

Another ver y impor tant element of teaching kindness is encouraging our teenage chi ldren/students to actively seek out oppor tuni ties to be kind. This is a deceptively simple idea. Most of us would probably extend kindness to someone who was clear ly in need. But to elevate kindness to the level that can permeate a school culture in a tr ansformative way, we need to go deeper. We need to offer kindness not because i t is clear ly r equir ed, but because i t might be needed or could be helpful. To quote

the pi thy but spot-on bumper sticker , we need to exercise more r andom acts of kindness. For example, consider school activi ties such as the Mac-A-Bee (i .e., Color War ) or a shabbaton - activi ties that provide students w ith enr iching and enter taining oppor tuni ties for learning and social izing. Now imagine how much more enr iching those programs could be i f students saw them not only as oppor tuni ties for per sonal fulf i l lment and enjoyment but also as oppor tuni ties to make sure that other s were f inding that per sonal benefi t as well . The di f ference between these two reali ties is a kindness mindset. To teach and promote that mindset, teachers and parents al ike need to set the r ight expectations and ask the r ight questions. For instance, we need to tel l our chi ldren/students before the shabbaton that we want them to have a wonder ful time and we want them to look for oppor tuni ties to

help others have a wonder ful time. This could mean approaching someone who is alone and asking i f they would r ather have some company or join in an activi ty. I t could mean talking to an adult about someone who might be in need of some kindness so that the adult can look out for that per son. And, after the shabbaton, we need to ask our chi ldren/students not only i f they had a good time or a meaningful exper ience, but also i f they contr ibuted any kindness to help enhance someone else?s exper ience as well . This type of proactive kindness should be integrated into the dai ly school exper ience as well . When kids are making social plans, parents (and teachers) could encourage them to sometimes tr y invi ting someone from outside of their chevre and who might r eal ly need or want to be included. A lot of teenagers might balk at that idea, but they might take a chance i f parents r emind them of how impor tant i t is to exercise kindness and ?share the wealth? when i t comes to having the suppor t and aff i l iation of fr iends. Simi lar ly, in the time leading up to an assessment, teachers (and parents) could encourage students to not only prepare themselves for the test but also to consider asking someone else in the class i f they need any help, would l ike to r eview or share notes, etc. The kindness conveyed by these over tures can be ver y power ful and tr ansformative. (continued on pg. 10)

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GRATITUDE building TOOLS

Sour ces: Carpenter, Derrick, MAPP ?The Science Behind Gratitude (and How It Can Change Your Life)? my.happify.com, Web, 04/05/2016; Cassity, Jessica, ?How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude,? my.happify.com,Web, 04/05/2016; Emmons, Robert A., & McCullough, Michael E., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2003, Web, 05/04/2016; Tomasulo, Daniel, PhD., ?Gratitude, Grace, and Granola,? Psychcentral.com, 26/04/2010, Web, 04/05/2016; Tomasulo, Daniel, PhD., ?Proof Positive - Count Your Blessings,? Psychcentral.com, 01/03/2010, Web, 04/05/2016.

THE POWER OF GRATITUDE (Continued fr om page 4)

Tr y th i s power fu l exer ci se:

Fi r st , spend 5 m inutes each n ight w r i t i ng down the th ings you ar e gr atefu l for .

Each n ight , cont i nue to add to your l i st . Nex t , ex pr ess out l oud why you ar e gr atefu l , and act ively acknowledge those people who have helped you. Our r elat i onships ar e the gr eatest deter m inant of our happiness, so i t m akes sense to th ink of other s as we bui l d gr at i t ude. Final l y, w r i te down how you fel t af ter di r ect l y thank ing the per son r esponsible. Recognizing the good in your l i fe w i l l help you feel m or e gr atefu l and em power your fu tur e.

- Keep a gratitude journal

- Write thank you notes

- Recognize and enjoy life?s small pleasures

- Give back, or pay it forward

assume that your 3rd grader would r ather be playing video games or that your 9th grader would prefer Snapchat but you could be w rong and miss a valuable educational oppor tuni ty.

5) Suggest your chi ld become involved (w w w.kidshealth.org). Being actively engaged in the poli tical process enables a chi ld to feel

empowered. Whether volunteer ing for a campaign or focusing on a par ticular issue of concern, a high school student can take action. For example, i f your student is intr igued by the environment, maybe she can f ind ways to help the family be more eco-fr iendly. Or i f your son is passionate about Israel, encourage him to attend ral l ies to advocate for our Jew ish state. Final ly, your chi ld should know that you voted on Election Day and that i t is something you strongly bel ieve in doing as a ci tizen of the countr y. Let them know that you value the r ight to vote as a pr ivi lege of l iving in the United States.

In these ways, not only w i l l you igni te more involvement w ithin our teens, but you w i l l be modeling civi l discourse for them as well . 9

For example: In r esponse to the fol low ing emai l which a student had w r i tten IMPORTANT ADVISING! in the subject l ine, and had sent the e-mai l w i th highest impor tance, an adviser r esponded as fol lows:

Dear XXXXXXX,

I r eal ize that you are concerned about getting r egistered. I have no intention of holding up this process for you, so I would l ike to get a meeting set up w ith you this week to discuss your schedule.

I would l ike to point out a couple of things to you about emai l. In the work wor ld, we l imit the use of the highest impor tance stamp for only a handful of extr emely cr i tical emai ls. I t is simi lar to dial ing 911 when there is a tr ue emergency. Also, using al l capi tal letter s in an emai l is the equivalent to screaming at someone, so you should not w r i te in al l capi tal letter s in an emai l.

Let me know a date and time that you are avai lable for an advising meeting this week.

Sincerely,XXXXXXX

Email communication w ith students is here to stay. I t is impor tant for us, as adults, to understand that students are new to the wor ld of professional emai l w r i ting and that they are l ikely to send emai ls w ith an unprofessional tone. As the r ecipients of these emai ls, we can minimize negative consequences by modeling professional emai l etiquette and by having a set of str ategies avai lable to help us r espond appropr iately when the inadver tent f l ippant emai l tone comes our way.

How to Speak to your Chi ld about Poli tics (Continued from page 3)

How to Speak to your Chi ld about Poli tics (Continued from page 3)

Email Etiquette (Continued from page 2)

10

START BY STARTING: TEACHING OUR ADOLESCENTS TO TAKE INITIATIVES (continued from pg. 5)

chi ldren does not al low them to be able to proper ly focus on the tasks they are alr eady given, not to mention the ones that we want them to tackle on their ow n. I f we want them to take ini tiative, fr eeing up their intense schedule may help.?

Additionally, we sometimes take for granted that they have the ski l ls of adults. Simply f i l l ing out a form or making a simple phone cal l or emai l to an adult may be intimidating to an adolescent. By si tting and working through a scr ipt w i th a teen on exactly how to tackle a task can make al l of the di f ference in helping them get star ted.

Final ly, what may l ie behind a lack of ini tiative is fear of fai lure. As we al l know from our SAR mission, we want our chi ldren to str etch ?beyond their comfor table l imits?. Moving beyond our comfor t zone is such a valuable concept for grow th for teens, but i t is also ver y scar y. Asking teens to take ini tiative is over whelming and intimidating. Cer tainly fear of fai lure often l ies at the hear t as a deter rent to this str etching. Parents and teachers must be suppor tive of this r eaching by our kids. We must show suppor t, care and love, ensur ing a safe space for chi ldren to take those r isks.

Once again, posi tive parenting toward ini tiative demands that we spend time talking through what is preventing posi tive momentum.

I r eal ize that some may hear this message as somewhat controversial. Promoting kindness in this way does entai l tel l ing our chi ldren/students that their ow n emotional needs are not always the most impor tant needs to consider. We do expect our chi ldren/students to look out for each other , and that means that sometimes they do have to set aside their individual needs in order to consider the needs of other individuals and/or the community. But this is not indiscr iminate self-abnegation. There are times when we need to look after and care for our selves f i r st and foremost, and there are times when we need to assume the role of kindness-provider. I t takes the guidance and w isdom of parents and teachers to help teenagers learn to distinguish between the two. In the fast-paced, competi tive wor ld in which we l ive, i t is impor tant to teach our chi ldren/students that exercising kindness is not self-abnegation. I t is tikkun olam. It is creating a community where we help each other tr anscend our self-centered natures and where kindness is the norm.

I w i l l close w ith one of the formative lessons about kindness from my ow n development. The commencement speaker at my col lege graduation was Ben Cohen, one of the founders of Ben & Jer r y?s ice cream. He spoke about the need for ethics and kindness in the business/professional wor ld that we were about to inhabit. I don?t r emember much of what he said that day, but one thing has stayed w ith me over the years. He relayed the al legor y of a man who was granted a vision of heaven and hell . The man f i r st obser ved hell : a lavish, sumptuous banquet where al l of the people si tting around the table were hungr y and miserable because their utensi ls were extr emely long; no matter how hard they tr ied, they could not maneuver the food-end of their spoons and forks into their mouths. His vision of heaven was almost identical: the same luxur ious banquet w ith the same r idiculously long utensi ls, but the people at this table were al l happy and content - because they were feeding each other.

THE IMPORTANCE OF KINDNESS (continued from pg. 6-7)

Staying connect ed wit h your t een dur ing t he summer mont hs

11

GRADE GRADE LEVEL COORDINATOR

9 Ms. Shoshana Chanales

schanales@sarhighschool.org

10 Ms. Gloria Schneider

gschneider@sarhighschool.org

11 Ms. Lisa Birnbaum

lbirnbaum@sarhighschool.org

Ms. Michel le Hoch

12 Ms. Al icia Germano agermano@sarhighschool.org

Ms. Shul i Taubes staubes@sarhighschool.org

GLC CONTACT INFORMATION

Teenagers often r evel in the fr eedom of summer vacation. Here are some tips for staying connected w ith your teenage chi ld dur ing the less str uctured summer months:

- Share your r ules and expectations w ith your chi ld about cur few , communicating home when going out, and know ing his/her whereabouts, etc.

- Make time to talk about how they (and you) are spending time, and make these talks "technology-fr ee" zones.

- Make sure that your chi ld knows that i f they are ever in an uncomfor table or dangerous si tuation they can cal l on you for help or guidance, including a no-questions r ide home.

- Even dur ing the summer , you can continue to monitor your chi ld?s whereabouts, confi rm their plans in advance , and communicate w ith other parents to ensure safety and super vision.

- Be awake when your teen ar r ives home so that you can connect w ith them (and be aware of signs of r isky behavior , such as intoxication).

- Maintain fami ly r i tuals such as eating breakfast or dinner together. - Help your chi ld f ind novel, creative and safe ways to social ize and have

fun.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS:

PACT NEWSLETTER maY 2016

Wake up wit h pact

May 16 was our f inal meeting of Wake Up w ith PACT. This group read two books together this past spr ing, The Teenage Brain and Beyond Measure. Topics such as the teen time crunch, col lege pressure and psychological challenges of teens and parenting of teens were addressed as parents and staff learned from one another in tr ue PACT par tner ship. We thank those parents who par ticipated and we look for ward to more PACT programming next year.

The PACT team would l ike to express our hakarat hatov and our best w ishes to Rabbi Aaron Frank. Dur ing his time at SAR High School, Rabbi Frank has been a creative contr ibutor to the PACT program and has been a dedicated and decisive leader of the PACT team. We w ish him much success in his new posi tion next year !