5.1 Self-confidence

Self-confidence, belief in yourself and belief in the products or services that your business will be selling are vital to your business’s success. Most people recognise that. But many people then go on to say that they believe self-confidence is something which some people have and others do not. That it is something that you are born with. But many famous people who you’d think are brimming with self-confidence actually suffer from anxiety and nervousness:

Adele, Johnny Depp and Kate Moss have all spoken about their anxiety before they have to perform

Robbie Williams suffers from self-doubt, worried that one day people are going to find out he is not as good as people think he is.

And there are many, many others who say that they feel confidence some days but not others, or that they feel confident in some circumstances but not others.

People also think that if you don’t have that “gift” of self-confidence then that will never change. If you keep telling yourself that, then it will probably become true, but if you want to build your own self-confidence you can. Here are a few tips.

Self-confidence is about lots of small things

At the end of this worksheet you will find a diagram titled “Equipped 2 Succeed” (E2S) which has been developed by Beverley Burton of the Second Chance Learning Academy. It describes the attitudes, thinking and behaviour that it takes for anyone to succeed. And what is important about this is that there is not one single thing which you can do to become self-confident and successful, but lots of small things, all of which can make a difference. It includes important topics like: developing your technical ability; looking after your own health; setting goals; using positive language and more.

If you go to Beverley’s website http://beverleyburton.com/equipped-2-succeed/ and click onto the “Learning Tools” button, just above the framework diagram, it will take you to a selection of exercises that you can try out to help build your own confidence and ability to succeed. We recommend that you give it a go. And if you think that a short E2S workshop might help with your further development, ask your Doing Good Business enterprise coach if one is available soon.

The Doing Good Business Programme is funded by Big Lottery and the European Social Fund

Keep learning and practicing

One obvious way of improving your confidence in your abilities is to keep improving your skills. The better you get at it, the more confident you will become. It doesn’t matter what your business does, just do everything that you can in any spare time that you have available to practice and improve. Check online to see what advice you can pick up from experts. Find out what you can about other businesses and how they keep their customers happy. Try out your skills on friends and family: ask them for (honest!) feedback and suggestions on how you can improve. Watch what other people do and learn from the things they do well (copy them) and the things they don’t do well (avoid them).

Think about the things that you are lest confident about and discuss with your enterprise coach how you could improve that. If it is the thought of how you sell things to people, ask your coach to do some practice sessions where you can develop your “sales script” and practice it again and again.

Reinforce your strengths

Some people lose their self-confidence by constantly reminding themselves of the limitations or weaknesses that they have. So, don’t do that. Concentrate instead on your strengths.

Write down on a card the main strengths that you have. If you are struggling to come up with a big list, ask your friends and family to tell you what they think they are. Or write down on a sheet of paper your name, with each letter at the start of a new line then think of a word starting with each letter which describes one of your strengths and best features eg:

B right

E nergetic

C lear thinking

K ind

Y ellow – Sunny – Cheerful

Keep your card with your strengths on it with you. Add to it when you think of new strengths. And most importantly, take it out regularly and read through it. Remind yourself of how good you are.

Role model yourself

Think of someone that you admire, whose approach to life you think is great, who appears self-confident and at ease with what they do. Write down the things which they do which you think demonstrate their confidence. Is it their tone of voice, how they stand, what they do with their hands? If it someone well-known, take a look on YouTube and watch a couple of video clips of them and see if there are any other traits that you think make them look and appear at ease.

The Doing Good Business Programme is funded by Big Lottery and the European Social Fund

Now stand up, close your eyes and imagine the person you admire in front of you, facing away from you. Think again about the things that make you admire them. Then when you are ready, take a step forward and imagine yourself in their body, behaving like them, and think how it feels. Does it make you feel good? Do you feel stronger, and more confident? If so, just do this again whenever you need a boost: before you walk into a meeting, or before you make a phone call.

It doesn’t work for everyone but it is worth a try.

Remind yourself of when you were brilliant

This is a bit like the previous exercise but this time you are your own role model!

Think back to a specific time when you felt really good. When you had just done something good. When you had just achieved something. When someone had said something really good to you. Sit down, close your eyes and recreate that moment in your mind:

What sounds were there? Was it cold, or warm? Were you in a bright or dark place? What colours do you remember? Was the air still, or was there a breeze? Could you smell anything?

Take a bit of time to get yourself back in that moment, and feeling as you did then. Then, when you are ready make some sort of physical movement: scratch the back of your right hand; scratch your earlobe; squeeze your thumb and middle finger together – it’s your choice. By doing this your mind can link together that physical gesture with those positive feelings. This is called “anchoring” and, by repeating that physical movement in future it can help to set going again those positive feelings. Repeat the exercise a few more times to reinforce the anchor. Then use it later to see what effect it has.

Again, this works well for some people and less so for others. Give it a try, though.

Use positive language

A simple one this one. Try to get out of the habit of using phrases like “I might ..” or “I’ll try to …” or “I ought to …” when talking about the thinks that you plan to do. By using phrases like that you are sowing in your mind a bit of doubt about whether you will really do it.

Instead use phrases like “I will … “ or “I shall …”. By doing that, you will help to convince yourself that these are things which ARE going to get done.

The way that you use language has a huge effect on the way that you think and act. Talk positively and you will act positively.

The Doing Good Business Programme is funded by Big Lottery and the European Social Fund

Spend time with positive people

We all know people who are positive, upbeat, helpful and supportive. We also know people who are constantly down, grumbling about their problems, having no interest in anyone else and sucking all of the energy out of a room as soon as they walk in.

Try to spend time with positive people, the ones who help you to feel good about yourself and your plans.

OK, you may have friends and family who feel down and need your help and support. Be there for them, but recognise that this will take energy away from you. Make sure that you also find time to recharge your batteries by being with the people who make you feel good.

Look after yourself

It’s hard to feel confident when you are not feeling well yourself. Do what you can to look after your own health. We don’t want to be killjoys, but think about:

What you eat: most people find that a well-balanced, varied diet helps them to feel better than eating only the stuff that they know is not good for them

What you drink: drink plenty of water, try to avoid overdoing the amount of alcohol and caffeine that you drink.

Exercise: You don’t need to join a gym to exercise. A few brisk walks can help clear your head and leave you feeling better.

Rest: Make sure you are getting enough sleep.

If you have some form of long term, limiting illness that is always going to be there think about those times of day that you tend to feel worst, and those when you are at your best. Plan your work around that, and don’t try to do challenging things at times of day when you know you will not be on top form.

… and relax!All of us have times when our thoughts are going in circles, when we can’t think straight and we get stressed and into a bit of a panic. There are many techniques for dealing with this situation and helping us to relax. The easiest is called seven eleven breathing.

Control your breathing by counting to 7 as you breathe in, then count to 11 as you breathe out. Take long, slow breaths while doing that counting. It takes a while to get into the rhythm, but it will slow your breathing down (which helps to reduce stress) and distracts your mind as you concentrate on getting the “7 in” and “11 out” right.

The Doing Good Business Programme is funded by Big Lottery and the European Social Fund

Confident me!My strengths

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A person I admire is ….

The things which they do which make them appear confident and in control are …

A time when I felt absolutely great, confident and on top of things was …

Describe what was going on at the time. Was it: Hot / cold Noisy / quiet Light / dark What smells or sounds were

there Was there a breeze

The Doing Good Business Programme is funded by Big Lottery and the European Social Fund

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3. The Doing Good Business Programme4. is funded by Big Lottery and the 5. European Social Fund