OSA Yeast-Related 4th Draft

7/28/2019 OSA Yeast-Related 4th Draft

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Outer Space

Astronauts

"Yeast-Related"

Written byRussell Barrett

4th Draft4/25/2011


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SEGMENT ONE

EXT. SPACE

Tense MUSIC kicks in. The OSS Oklahoma is motionless. Some ofthe lights flicker as smoke pours from one of the engines.

PINTO (O.S.)Reversing the process hascompletely fried the whole system!

AMOS (O.S.)How are the relays?

INT. BRIDGE - QUICK, DISORIENTING GLIMPSES

COMMANDER AMOS speaks via the viewscreen to CHIEF MECHANICPINTO in the engine room, engulfed in sparks and smoke.

PINTOIm sorry, it sounded like you justasked how the relays are! Thosethings EXPLODING behind me!

AMOSChief Mechanic, I need a report onthe situation! Now!

PINTOIn a nutshell: Everything isscrewed up, its getting WORSE, andits ALL YOUR FAULT, Commander!

COMPUTER VOICERichard Amos, you have beenrelieved of your duty. You mustvacate the bridge immediately.

AMOSI dont take orders fromdisembodied voices! Only thecaptain can dismiss me.

LT. SUNNY HUNKLE approaches Amos, crying. She grabs his arm.

SUNNYDickie, why have you gone so crazy?

AMOSGet me the captain!

SUNNYI cant. No one can!

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INT. OPERATING THEATER

CAPTAIN RIPLEY, unconscious, very pale and about a hundredpounds lighter, is being operated on by the robotic DOCTOR.Ripleys heart readout starts to FLATLINE. Uh oh. INTERN PECKlooks down from a nearby window. A single tear rolls down hischeek, adding to the gravity of the situation.

INT. BRIDGE

KYLE 14 pushes Amos towards the door. Sunny gets pushed, too.

KYLE 14The lady in the ceiling says I needto, you know, make you leave.

PINTOGet him out of there!

AMOSWhere IS everybody?! Whats wrongwith you?! Its mutiny!

KYLE 14I think thats why Im gonna pickyou up and throw you now.

Kyle picks up Amos with his mighty robot strength, and-

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BRIDGE

-throws Amos through the doorway and pushes Sunny out, too.

KYLE 14Uh, thanks.

Kyle steps back in, and a BLAST DOOR seals the doorway. Sunnylooks down at befuddled Amos, trying to find the words.

SUNNY...Good meeting?

SHIP WIPE TO:

OPENING CREDITS

END OF SEGMENT ONE

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SEGMENT TWO

EXT. SPACE

The OSS OKLAHOMA flies along, in perfect working condition.TITLE: Twelve Hours Earlier

INT. HALLWAY, CONTINUOUS

Ripley walks down the hall with Peck.

PECKHows your diet going, Captain? Areyou still fat?

RIPLEYDiets fine. Im well on my way tolosing enough L-Bs to recertify my

captainosity. Gimme a "Hungry-Time"bar, Jimmy.

PECKWell, but you said "Only gimme oneof these Super-Snacks a day-" Youhad it already.

RIPLEYNo, you're thinking of yesterday.Remember? I was all "Hey wow,yesterday is awesome, and I hadthe Hungry Time bar and now it'stoday, so I can have another one.

PECK(handing him the bar)

Okay, I remember, sorry.

RIPLEY(sniffs the air, interrupting)

Something smells really good. Likebutter... molasses... and a

mother's love.

Ripley tosses the hungry-time bar and runs out of frame.Ripley re-enters frame, grabs the bar, runs off again.

INT. CAFETERIA - CONTINUOUS

There's a long line of people at the entrance of thecafeteria. Ripley and Peck approach PILOT JOHNNY BOOTHE, whois near the front of the line.

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BOOTHEThere's a new baker in the kitchen.Its like all the donuts died andnow theyre serving the angeldonuts that just left the donutscorporeal bodies.

RIPLEYThats beautiful.

BOOTHEThere's some sort of bureaucraticholdup this morning.

RIPLEYEnter Richard Amos...

Amos enters, carrying orientation forms.

RIPLEY (CONTD)

(really over the top)AMY! What the HELL! PEOPLE AREHUNGRY HERE!

AMOS(surprised)

Captain?

RIPLEY(holding up his hands)

Overdid it. Sorry. I'mhangry.

AMOSHangry?

RIPLEYIm coining a phrase. Hungry +angry. Hangry. Credit me if youuse it. Whats the deal here?

AMOSWe have a new crew-person in thecafeteria. Theres orientationforms, I have to make sure he hasthe OSA handbook-

VOICE-Actually, Ive completed theforms...

Someone walks in from the kitchen. Its FORMER COMMANDERDENNIS CAKE!

CAKE...and Im very familiar with thehandbook.

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Amos stares, shocked. Peck cocks his head to one side.

PECKHey, that's-

Ripley, unaware of whats going on, steps in front of Peck,interrupting him.

RIPLEY-Two cinnamon rolls, a lemon tartand all the donut holes youve got.

(on their look)What? Oh, my diet? Jeez, I was justkidding. All of you skinny bastardscan GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!

WIPE TO:

EXT. SPACE

The OSS Oklahoma floats along through star-filled space.

RIPLEY (O.S.)Ugh, there it is again. You hearthat, right?

AMOS (O.S.)What am I supposed to be hearing?

INT. BRIDGE

Ripley sulks in his comfy captains chair while Amosdutifully stands in front of him.

RIPLEYMy stomach! Its making a noise!Listen!

AMOSIts just growling, sir.

RIPLEY(panicked)

Whats that?

AMOSIts a sound the stomach makes whenits not entirely full. Sir, wehave to talk about Commander,formerCommander Cake-

RIPLEYArrgh! Ive never heard anything sohorrible! Sunny, string cheese me!

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Sunny tosses a stick of string cheese over her shoulder.Ripley deftly catches it.

WEAPONS OFFICER CHAD BRIMLEY enters the bridge carrying abox. He clears his throat trying to be more conspicuous.Everyone looks up from their consoles.

BRIMLEYOh... dont mind me. Im just goingto take my... boxed item here...

(he shakes it a bit)-that rattles rather interestingly,into the break room. Please keepdoing whatever it is youre doing.

He enters the break room, throwing them a coy look.

One by one, Boothe, LT. DONNA KENNEDY, SECURITY CHIEF ANDYMATHESON, Sunny, and Pinto all get up from their stations and

walk into the break room. Amos, seeing his bridge crew

disappearing, calls after them.AMOS

Hey, wait everybody. You cant allgo on break at the same time.Theres loads of work to be done.

RIPLEYIs that true?

AMOS(shrugging)

No.

There is an audible DING from behind the captains bar.

RIPLEYI know what THAT means.

Peck pops up behind the bar, holding a small tray.

PECKBreakfast!

RIPLEY(bleeped)

Breakfahh... ah, $#!+!.

Ripley looks disheartened.

RIPLEY (CONTD)So, what is this tiny,insignificant substance?

PECKAn egg-white garden-vegetableomelette.

Disgusted, Ripley starts eating.

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AMOSI want Cake off this ship, sir.Its too risky-

RIPLEYDo you wanna go back to the lastbaker we had? Clearly youve

forgotten the sticky-bun debaclethat led to her very publicdismissal.

AMOSClearly youve forgotten the twenty-four acts of mutiny Cakeperpetrated when he was Commander-

RIPLEYWho can remember anything in thisstarvation haze Im in? Ivealready forgotten what weretalking about.

Ripley looks down at his tray. Hes already finished the tinyomelette. Ripley angrily tosses the tray.

RIPLEY (CONTD)(very angry)

Dammit Amy! Look what you did! Ifinished my breakfast. A whole

meal, completely blown! From nowon, NOBODY talks to me while Imeating my food. Peck! Gimme thatjar of salsa and a spoon. Salsason the free list.

INT. BREAK ROOM

Brimley proudly stands over his box while Matheson, Kennedy,Boothe, Sunny and Pinto hover around him, curious.

BRIMLEYOkay, so, you wanna see?

Brimley shakes the box.

SUNNY(visibly excited)

Oh! I think I heard a meow. Did Ihear a meow come from that box?!

Brimley opens the box and takes out A JIGSAW PUZZLE.

SUNNY (CONTD)(visibly very disappointed)

Son of a bitch.

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She kicks a chair over... and is immediately embarrassed.

SUNNY (CONTD)(recovering)

Sorry. A jigsaw puzzle! How nice.

BOOTHEHow lame. Im going back to pretendto work.

As everyone but Sunny starts to leave-

BRIMLEYThe manufacturer says its the mostdifficult jigsaw puzzle ever made.You know that computer that went toOxford? It blew up trying to solvethe puzzle.

PINTO

I thought it blew up causesomebody spilled soda on it.

BRIMLEYThat was a cover-up. The truth wastoo scary. Point is, whoever canput this puzzle together in 10hours... wins a glamorous prize.

BOOTHEOkay, this might be better thanpretending to work.

BRIMLEY

I have a game plan. Each of you menwill play an important role.

KENNEDYAnd what will I be doing? AndSunny?

Brimley looks them up and down.

BRIMLEYYou will be our... support crew.Beverages, comfort items, rubdowns.Its quite possibly the mostimportant job of all. Nah, actuallyours is way more important.

KENNEDYI dont know if youre aware ofthis, but jigsaw puzzles are nolonger the old boys club theyused to be!

Kennedy storms out of the room, pulling Sunny with her.

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BRIMLEYThat leaves The Grand Brotherhoodof the Jigsaw.

BOOTHELets go over the plan.

PINTOTheres still going to be beveragesand rubdowns, right?

INT. PECKS APARTMENT

Ripley looks nervously at Peck in his kitchenette.

RIPLEYI dunno, my man, it looks iffy.

Peck holds a disgusting looking milkshake. The kitchenette

is covered in splatters from when he made it. Theres also asmall kitchen fire that nobody seems to notice.

PECKThink about it. How many times haveyou heard people saying Dietsomething la la la, have a shake,eat what you want.

RIPLEYYes, that does sound familiar.

PECKThats exactly what Ive done with

stuff I found in my room.

RIPLEYSo I drink that shake?

PECKYes.

RIPLEYThen I get to eat whatever I want.

PECKYes.

RIPLEYHowever much I want.

PECKYes.

RIPLEYThis just makes sense, doesnt it?

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PECKThats what makes it work! Drinkthis, and youll lose all the hairyou want!

RIPLEYYou mean weight.

PECKSure!

RIPLEYGive it to me.

Ripley grabs the disgusting shake and chugs it. He looksdazed and nauseated immediately.

RIPLEY (CONTD)My tongue is numb. And Imcramping. Im going to be sick.

Disturbing GURGLES start to emit from Ripleys stomach.

PECKSee, its working already.

RIPLEY...Crampings done. Lets go.

INT. CAFETERIA

Ripley, sweating now, approaches Cake at the bakery counter.

RIPLEYHi Cakey. Im glad youre doingTHIS now, instead of that thing youdid before with all the yelling.

CAKEYes, sir. Im sure youre pretty

miffed with me, especially forleaving you in the care of acertain new Commander, who hasntthe slightest-

RIPLEY

(interrupting)What can you recommend to someonewhos coming off one long,terrifying bitch of a diet?

CAKEI can see youre serious. I wouldrecommend one of my many proudachievements: I call it TheStupefryer.

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RIPLEY(intrigued)

Im intrigued.

CAKEThe stupefryer is an artisan-grade

mountain-grown vanilla bean (picked

by Betsilieo clerics) dulce deleche donut glazed in a farm-raisedpork bacon-fat Vermont reserve

maple glaze and topped with crispyfarm-raised rasher-style bacon.

Ripley is dazed, almost hypnotized by what hes hearing. Hestarts to speak, but Cake holds up one finger.

CAKE (CONTD)Then, its dipped in mygrandmothers secret Pte chouxfunnel cake batter, fried in thefinest refined Spanhoma peanut oiluntil golden brown, covered in athick dark Caribbean Criollochocolate ganache and dustedlightly with three kinds ofimported phosphate-free powderedsugars.

RIPLEY(looks possessed)

Ill have six, and a large glass ofmilk. And hurry.

Cake steps into the kitchen to fill Ripleys order.

INT. BREAK ROOM

All of the guys are in place, ready to open the jigsaw puzzleto start the countdown.

BOOTHEI just want to say how inspiring itis to be here with you gentlemen.

MATHESONJust open the box! Im tired oftalking! Lets just do this!

BRIMLEYI like that enthusiasm. Dont wasteit, this is a marathon, not a-

Kennedy and Sunny swiftly enter with Kaak and Kyle 14.

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KENNEDYHold it! We might as well start atthe same time.

PINTOThank god. The beverages.

Sunny holds up another copy of the jigsaw puzzle.

SUNNYWere going to do the puzzle, too.And were going to do it faster.Because earlier you were mean.

KENNEDY-Because were the best, youre the

worst, and were going to stomp allover you.

SUNNY

Well now were being mean, too.

BRIMLEYThis is just what we needed forextra motivation. Competition.

MATHESONTrue. But you cant have Kyle 14 onyour team. Hes not a girl.

KYLE 14Im not a boy, either.

BRIMLEY

No computer-smart robots allowed.

SUNNYWe need a fourth team member, and

we dont like the other girls onthe ship. Theyre too catty.

KENNEDYAnd ugly.

PINTOIf I set Kyle 14s intelligencecircuits to low, itll even the

playing field. Then hell be asdumb as all of them.

BRIMLEYSounds okay to me. Agreed?

KYLE 14What if I dont want to-

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SUNNYAgreed.

KENNEDYAgreed.

KAAKGabreed.

Pinto fiddles with Kyle 14s head. A few audible CLICKS, anda LOWERING HUM indicates his intelligence level dropping.

KYLE 14Uh, did someone put my head-thinkerin the... cups laundry?

MATHESONThe dishwasher?

KYLE 14Yes!

BOOTHE

Hes good. Lets do this.

Brimley and Kennedy both hold up their jigsaw puzzle boxes.Pintos tablet computer BEEPS. He checks it.

PINTOSomethings wrong with the engines.Damn! You guys start without me.

BRIMLEYOkay. 3,2,1...

They open the boxes and a big, red digital clock powers up oneach box, counting down from 10 hours.

KYLE 14Blast off! So, what is a jigsawpuzzle?

KAAKYes, and what is it is?

Kennedy rolls her eyes, annoyed.

INT. CAFETERIA

Cake looks up and stands at attention as Amos enters.

CAKECommander Amos. No important

matters on the bridge? Have atomato-basil roll.

AMOSOf all the places you could be,

what are you doing on this ship?

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CAKEThats funny, I was just wondering

what youre doing on this ship.

AMOSYou got kicked out of OSA forhaving Deep Space Psychosis, what

are you doing back in deep space?

CAKEIn therapy-prison, I learned tochannel all of my frustrations andanxiety into my baked goods.

Amos takes a bite of the tomato-basil roll.

AMOSBut doesnt it- Oh my god.

His eyes roll back a little as tastes the delicious roll.

CAKESee? If my father had helped mebuild that soapbox racer when I wasseven, that roll might not be sosucculent.

AMOSYour father wouldnt help you builda soapbox racer?

CAKEHe thought he had a better chanceat winning on his own.

(suppressing emotions)And he was right. Anyhow, Im justhere to use my many gifts as a

master-baker to prove Im more thanthe mistakes I made as theCommander of this ship.

AMOSWell, goodie for you, but if I seethe slightest hint of mutiny or

malfeasance, youre gone.

CAKEDont worry, sir. Ive traded

malfeasance for macaroons.(indicates a plate in front of him)

I have no sinister plan other thanserving delicious baked goods.

Amos pops a macaroon in his mouth without much thought.

AMOSRegardless, Ive got my eye... Man!

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The macaroon Amos ate is apparently delicious, too.

CAKE(nods, smiles)

Bed-wetter til I was nineteen.

Amoss communicator BEEPS. He picks it up and hits a button.

PINTO (O.S.)Commander, its Chief MechanicPinto.

AMOS AND CAKE(simultaneously)

Go ahead.

CAKESorry. Habit.

PINTO (O.S.)

Im getting a strange reading fromthe engines. Could be a problem.

AMOSIm on my way.

Amos grabs a couple more macaroons to take with him.

CAKE(slightly sinister)

Uh oh, a problem? Good luck,Commander.

INT. WEIGHT LOSS CLINIC

Ripley sits in a chair, looking depressed, in a cheeryoffice. Encouraging weight-loss posters adorn the wall.

RIPLEYI had a glorious moment of

weakness. I cant do this!

We reveal Ripley is talking to a screen dangling from theceiling, behind a cheery desk. It displays a cartoonish face,like Salon Gal in "One Year Ago", this one's DIET GAL.

DIET GALInstead of giving yourself reasonswhy you cant, why not giveyourselves reasons why you CAN.

RIPLEYOh SHUT UP! What does that evenMEAN?.. Why the hell are you behinda desk, anyway?

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DIET GALInstead of taking the elevator,take the stairs!

RIPLEYI hate it when we fight. Lets getthis weigh-in over with.

Ripley steps onto the scale, not even looking.

DIET GALTerrific.

RIPLEYYeah, terrific.

DIET GALYouve lost ten pounds.

RIPLEY

(astonished)What? Peck! Get in here!

Peck runs into the room, almost tripping on something.

PECKIm in here!

RIPLEYI lost ten pounds! You know whatthis means?

PECKYes, I do!

Peck doesnt know what it means.

RIPLEYTen pounds! Your diet shake worked!I drank it, I ate what I wanted,and I got the results!

PECK(still excited)

What are the results?

RIPLEY

(grits teeth, repeating)I lost ten pounds! Lets celebrateby eating what I want again.

Ripley and Peck head out the door.

EXT. SPACE

The OSS Oklahomas engines sputter, it drifts to a stop.

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INT. BRIDGE

Amos, alone on the bridge, looks at the various consoles athis station, trying to figure out what is happening.

COMPUTER VOICEEmergency thrusters. Full stop.

AMOSNo, no. What now?

Pinto appears via viewscreen, from the ENGINE ROOM.

PINTOEngine room. You may have noticedthe engines have stalled.

AMOSYep. Sure did.

PINTO(reading from a printout)The diagnostic computer found the

problem: organic matter present inthe engines biochemical relays.

AMOSYes... Go on.

PINTOSo, Ill be in the break room ifyou need me.

AMOS

That cant be all of the report.

Pinto turns the paper over and reads the info on the back.

PINTO(reading)

Disruptive bubbles in the relays.The diagnosis is simply yeast-related. The computer is going toassign the most-qualifiedspecialist to look into this. Itlltake a while, so Ill be in the-

Amos looks down at his computer console.AMOS

Actually, its done. Its onlyfound one person whos qualified.

PINTOI know. Me. I recommend we let theengines rest for 12 hours or so.

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AMOSNo, its not you, its...

Amos stares at the console. He doesnt like what he sees.Cake enters the bridge, still dressed in his bakers smock.

CAKECivilian Specialist of Yeasts andother Eukaryotic Micro-OrganismsDennis Cake reporting for duty.

Amos stares at Cake, furious.

AMOSNo! Absolutely not!

CAKECalm yourself, Commander! Youre

making a scene in front of-(looks around)

Where is everyone?

AMOSGet off my bridge. If I have tolive with you on the ship, in thekitchen, FINE, but you get off mybridge, MISTER Cake.

CAKEI got an urgent alert to report tothe bridge as a specialist in myfield. The computer selected me.Apparently its under theimpression youre in over your

head.

AMOSWe've got an engine problem thats"Yeast-Related" and it just sohappens YOU'RE the specialist to beput in charge?

CAKEI took advanced courses in micro-biotic organisms at the prisonbaking school. I got the highestscore ever recorded on the final.Saccharomyces cerivisiae!

AMOSWhat?

CAKEMy thesis in Saccharomycescerivisiae was the foundation to myDerber's-Award-winning Challahrecipe!

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Amos doesn't know what to make of this. After a long beat...

AMOSYeast.

CAKEYeast.

AMOSLieutenant Hunkle? LIEUTENANTHUNKLE!

Sunny immediately pops out of the break room door, trying tolook casual.

SUNNYYes sir. What can... I do for you?

AMOSSet Civilian Baking Supervisor Cake

up with a level-10-clearanceterminal to analyze our engineissue.

CAKEId like to double-check CommanderAmoss last round of engine

maintenance data. Something fellthrough the cracks. It happens, Isuppose.

SUNNY(distracted)

Engine issue?

AMOSThe one that has us dead in the

water at the moment.

Sunny has no idea what Amos is talking about.

SUNNYOh, of course! Yes.

AMOS(flying off the handle)

Now, Sunny! Weve got to get

moving! We're going to have somestaff changes next time we dock!

CAKEYou know, Commander, if you everneed to talk about the stress ofthe job or maybe wanted sometherapeutic reflexology--

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AMOSJust!.. Just...

Sunny turns away to set up the terminal. Amos punches hisconsole in frustration. Cake reacts in an exaggerated way.

Sunny looks up, shocked that Amos would act out like that.

CAKEEasy, Commander! We dont hit. Infact, in therapy prison, whenever Ihad a violent urge, I would have to

make an emergency entry in my GoodVibes Journal.

AMOS(disdainfully)

I dont have a Good Vibes Journal.

CAKE

That explains a lot.

Cake and Sunny share a concerned look. Amos angrily inhales,frustrated and confused.

INT. HALLWAY

Peck and an even-skinnier Ripley, eating an enormoussandwich, walk down the hallway together. Peck carries a half-eaten birthday cake from which Ripley takes random bites.

RIPLEYYou know the best part of your diet

shake?

PECKThe smell?

RIPLEYNO!

Ripley starts to slow down, looking faint.

PECKYou okay?

RIPLEYWhoo. I figure, with our newscientific method, I must beburning thousands of calories doingall this chewing.

PECKYou smell like a hot litter box.

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RIPLEY(looking a little dazed)

We need to write down your exactrecipe for the patents andtrademarks and manufacturing.

PECK

I'll try. Do I have to be specificabout what part of the garbage-

Ripley stops walking.

RIPLEYI'm dizzy. I'm burning way too manycalories. I should stop talking.Let's just sit here for a second.

Ripley sits down, hard, dropping out of frame. There is aDISGUSTING GURGLING SOUND, like Ripleys guts are eatingthemselves.

RIPLEY (CONTD)You hear that? Thats the sound ofthe healthy new me.

PECKIts...

RIPLEYYeah, its gross.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Kennedy, Pinto, Boothe, Ka'ak, Brimley and Matheson are allseated around the long table in the conference room. They alllook weary and distracted, practically zombies from workingon the jigsaw puzzle for hours on end.

KENNEDYHow long is this meeting supposedto take?

Matheson repeatedly closes his eyes.

MATHESONWhen I close my eyes I can see

little purple puzzle shapes.BRIMLEY

(fake wincing)Yeah, I think I'm getting a

migraine. I'm going to go... liedown for a bit.

SUNNYSit right down, mister. Be fair.

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BOOTHEBut one team member on your side isstill down there.

INT. BREAK ROOM

Kyle 14 stands in the middle of the room, staring at hisfeet. He apparently stepped in a small garbage can, and hisfoot is stuck in it. He tries to shake it off.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUED

KENNEDYI think we can agree that's notgoing to help anybody.

Cake authoritatively walks in carrying a large tablet.

CAKELet's get this meeting started.

Amos rushes in, as if he was trying to beat Cake but failed.

CAKE (CONTD)(gloating)

I hope you dont mind, Commander,weve started the meeting in yourabsence.

AMOSWell, lets get this meetingstarted FOR REAL, then.

(nothing to add, gestures to Cake)Civilian Baking Supervisor Cake...

Cake starts a powerpoint presentation on the wall behind himthat backs up what he says with charts and images.

CAKEThank you. As you know, we'restalled and drifting in open space.

Brimley and Matheson share a look - 'What?'

CAKE (CONTD)

By drifting in this area weresubjecting ourselves to the nucleiof atoms such as hydrogen, helium,iron and others, which travelthrough space at hundreds ofthousands of kilometers per second.

KENNEDYHoly crap.

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AMOSYoure describing cosmic rays,

which are present everywhere inouter space, and they pose nodanger-

CAKE

-Maybe you feel okay playingchicken with those cosmic rays,but I have the lives of this shipscrew weighing on my mind.

MATHESONThank you, sir.

The other murmur Yeah, thank you, Cake. Amos frowns.

CAKEThe ship's engines are seized dueto a yeast-like substance in the

biochemical relays, metabolizingthe pentose sugars, creating carbondioxide and ethanol.

Blank stares from everyone at the table.

CAKE (CONTD)This is pretty much as close as

we're going to get to the shipturning into BEER.

Cakes presentation shows an ice-cold beer being poured. Itsactually entertaining. Eyebrows are raised around the table.

BRIMLEYWow.

CAKE(smiling, like a great science teacher)

Yeah, wow! Tell me this isn't aninspiring day to go to work!

They all laugh like entertained students. Amos frowns.

CAKE (CONTD)I have a plan to 'pasteurize' therelays one at a time until theyeast has been killed off. And NO,Commander Amos, we cannot drink therelay fluid!

Amos looks taken by surprise. Cake makes a drink pouringgesture that hints that Amos is a lush.

AMOSI don't... I didn't-

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Everyone laughs.

CAKEDont worry, its almost HappyHour. I've posted assignments.Guys, we've GOT this. There'snothing we can't handle. Can I get

a "Go Team"?

EVERYONEGO TEAM!

CAKE(surprised)

Normally the custom is to say "Ican't hear you", but that wasplenty loud. Good meeting guys!

EVERYONEGOOD MEETING!

They all file out of the conference room, looking energized.

BOOTHE(to Kennedy, as they leave)

Dammnnn. Good meeting.

Cake folds up his tablet computer and faces Amos.

CAKE(staring down Amos)

Good meeting, Commander.

AMOS

(bitter)Good meeting.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF SEGMENT TWO

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SEGMENT THREE

INT. BREAK ROOM

Everyone files into the break room with the same gumptionfrom when they left the conference room. They immediatelytake their place at the tables.

KENNEDYOh god, only four hours left.

MATHESONAnyone know what that meeting wasabout?

BOOTHESomething about beer and milk, anddrunky Amos not giving a crap if welive or die.

Kyle 14 stomps around, now with a trash can on each foot.

INT. MEDIC STATION

Ripley lies on a hospital examination table looking like he'swasting away. The robot doctor stands next to his bed withPeck, (who, as we know, hates the doctor office).

PECKJust keep those shots away from me.

DOCJimmy, there's no reason for you tobe afraid. ,The captain, on theother hand has many valid reasonsto be concerned.

Peck sighs, relieved.

RIPLEY(slurring)

Doc, we need a testimonial for ournew diet shake. The medicalcommunity at large should be realinterested in it.

DOC(to Peck)

He's malnourished and dehydrated.Has anything out of the ordinaryhappened in the last two days?

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PECKWell, I found some Canadian moneyand it had a DUCK on it, or was ita lady? Anyway, it was strange.

RIPLEY(nearly passing out)

I've been using million-dollarscience to burn away extra pounds.I'm probably the healthiest personyouve ever examined.

The disgusting, wet RUMBLING emits from Ripley's abdomen.

DOCWe need to do a full body scan.

RIPLEYI consent, in the interest of

medical breakthroughs and stuff.

Ripley passes out.

INT. BRIDGE

Cake and Amos stand at the first officer's post, drinkingcoffee and talking via the viewscreen to Pinto.

PINTOIt looks like the pasteurization

process is working. Each section ofrelay comes back clear after we runthe process.


Great.

PINTOIt's going to take some time, butwe should be able to clear enoughof it out to get the enginesrunning again.


Keep me up to date on yourprogress.

Annoyed, Amos pushes closer to the console. Cake lurchesforward as if he was bumped, spilling coffee on himself. HeYELPS dramatically, causing Sunny to turn around.

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AMOS(to Pinto)

Give me regular progress reports,Go straight to ME if you run into aproblem.

PINTO

Whatever.

Pinto shuts off the call. Cake looks down at his smock, whichhas a large coffee stain on it.

CAKEReally, Commander, that wasinappropriate.

AMOSYou mean just now when you pouredcoffee all over yourself?

CAKEI dont know what game youreplaying, sir.

AMOSWhat game IM playing?!

Sunny stands up.

SUNNYDennis, go see if you can get achange of clothes from thedispensary.

AMOS(as Cake exits)

I'll allow it...

SUNNYDickie, whats getting into you?

AMOSIm not doing anything! Hesplaying games!

SUNNYYoure lashing out, irritable, you

look dog-tired.AMOS

Well, its exhausting having HIM onthe bridge. I feel like any secondhe's going to flip out and...

SUNNYDickie, that was the old Cake. Youcan't assume the worst in people.

27

(MORE)


29/50

He's changed. You must seesomething good in him.

AMOSHe does run a good meeting.

SUNNYThere ya go.

AMOSAnd those macaroons...

(orgasmic shiver)Okay. You're right. I guess even hedeserves a second chance.

The door to the bridge opens and Cake walks back in, lookingapologetic. He's wearing the uniform of a Commander.

CAKEI'm so sorry. Please don't read

anything into this, there was aglitch at the dispensary. I thinkthey have old info in my file. It'sokay, though, look.

Cake tapes a big handwritten sign over his chest, "CIVILIAN".

CAKE (CONTD)Lest anyone confuse me with a REALCommander.

AMOS(gritted teeth)

That's... fine.

INT. MEDIC STATION

The Doc shows Ripley and Peck a readout displaying the fullbody scan he just performed.

DOCWere prepping the operating room.It's imperative that we remove thisPARASITE immediately. It couldeasily take the captain's life atany moment.

PECKWe're gonna be rich!

RIPLEYDoc, please, you have to keep it inthere. For a little longer. Atleast until I make my goal weight.

28

SUNNY (CONT'D)


30/50

DOCI'm going to have to consult thefirst officer, sir.

INT. BRIDGE

Amos finishes up the call with the medical robot.

AMOSYes, please do whatever you can.Keep me updated on his condition.

Amos terminates the call. He turns to Cake and PUNCHES HIMOUT. Sunny rushes to hold Amos back.

SUNNYCommander!

CAKE

Hey! You hit me with your fist!

AMOSThe captain is in criticalcondition. He got a dangerousparasite FROM SOMETHING HE ATE.

CAKENow just wait a minute!

AMOSThis, on top of planting theMYSTERIOUS YEAST in the relaysthat's poisoned the ship!

CAKE(feigning innocence)

I've done nothing of the sort! Andfrankly, as a master-baker, I'moffended by what you'reinsinuating.

Amos pulls out his communicator.

AMOSMatheson and Brimley to the bridge.I'm charging Cake with mutiny.

INT. BREAK ROOM

Matheson and Brimley look up from the puzzle.

MATHESONIt can wait.

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BRIMLEYYeah.

They go back to working on the puzzle.

INT. BRIDGE - CONTINUED

Amos points at Cake, going a little overboard in his moment,due to the stress and fatigue he's experiencing.

AMOSI knew it! I knew it! You've hadthis plan all along!

SUNNYJust calm down. The captain drank asuspect diet shake that Peck

made. It could have come from that.

AMOSYeah, sure!

SUNNYAnd I don't know what you'retalking about with this yeast.

AMOSWe had a good meeting about it!

CAKE(playing to Sunny)

I think you're becoming unraveled,Commander. Believe me, I've been

there. Have you been evaluated forDeep Space Psychosis, by chance?

This REALLY sets off Amos, who blubbers for a few seconds. Hecalls up Pinto on the viewscreen.

PINTOEngine Room.

AMOSPinto, reverse the process in therelays. Were undoing Cakes plan.Cake is somehow using the process

to serve his mutiny!CAKE

What?! Thats an outrageousaccusation!

PINTOSo, just reverse the process Ivebeen working on for the lastseveral hours? Okay.

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CAKEChief, belay that order! Theexecutive officer isnt in hisright mind!

Kyle 14 is pushed out the break room door, trash cans stillattached to his feet.

KYLE 14Brimley and Matheson said I shouldcome in here and do the stuff you

want them to do.

AMOS(ignoring Kyle, to Cake)

You. YOU went crazy before, andyou're crazy now!

Amos throws his communicator at him, it hits him in the face.

CAKEOw! That hit me in the FACE!

KYLE 14Are you guys fighting?

AMOSPinto! Reverse the process! That isan order!

PINTOOkay, fine!

Pinto pulls some levers. The machines reverse direction.

Cake approaches Sunny, who is distraught.

CAKEHes become unraveled, you can seethat, right?

SUNNYYes.

CAKEYou wanna help him get better,right? And stop him putting the

ship in danger?SUNNY

I dont know.

Suddenly, there is a huge RUMBLE, and the emergency lightskick on. Sparks begin to fly, lights blink, and smoke fillsthe room (just like in the first scene).

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PINTOReversing the process hascompletely fried the whole system!

AMOSHow are the relays?

Cake pulls Sunny closer.

CAKEHes making bad decisions. Heshould be suspended andpsychologically evaluated, to getthe help he needs, yes?

A small microphone lowers from the ceiling.

PINTOEverything is screwed up, itsgetting WORSE, and its ALL YOUR

FAULT, Commander!

SUNNY(caught up in it)

Probably.

CAKEI need you to say yes.

SUNNYYes.

DING! The microphone retracts back up into the ceiling.

CAKEThen go to him, be a good friend.Heal him with hugs.

INT. OPERATING THEATER

Ripley, as we saw before, starts to flatline on the operatingtable as Peck watches from the window.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BRIDGE - QUICK CUT

Amos gets thrown through the doorway, like in the firstscene, and Sunny gets pushed out with him.

INT. BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS

Cake approaches the executive officer station.

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CAKEComputer- Commander Amos has beenexpelled from the bridge. Lock itdown.

An ALARM sounds. The blast doors drop, sealing the bridge.Cake hits the intercom button.

CAKE (CONTD)Attention crew of the OSS Oklahoma.By my rights as special projectleader, I hereby take command ofthis vessel. This is COMMANDERCAKE!

He tears off his homemade "CIVILIAN" sign from his chest.Scary MUSIC swells...

FADE TO BLACKEND OF SEGMENT THREE

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SEGMENT FOUR


SLOW TRACK IN on Amos, standing next to the now-blocked doorto the bridge, looking shocked and frazzled as Cake'sannouncement plays on the intercom.

CAKE (O.S.)I am happy to report that themutinous actions of the suspendedformer Commander Amos have beenthwarted. The process is backonline and well soon have use ofthe engines, thanks to some quickthinking by our Chief Mechanic andyours truly.

Amos gives a weary glance to Sunny.

AMOSI can't believe it. He did itagain, and I let it happen.

SUNNYI think I let it happen, too. Isaid yes into a microphone.

AMOSRegarding what? Oh no.

Amos runs to a computer console, types a few things.

AMOS (CONTD)Hes found some way to suspend myauthority pending psychiatricevaluation. With the captainincapacitated, hes managed to gaincontrol of the entire ship!

SUNNYYou were being really mean.

AMOSSunny its been his plan all along!I've got to check on the captain.

Grab a communicator and get onencrypted channel three. We'regetting our ship back.

SUNNYOkie dokie.

They run off in separate ways.

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INT. OPERATING ROOM, MEDIC STATION

Ripley lies on the operating table as the robot Doc tends tohim. Amos runs up to the window and stands next to Peck.

PECKHe died.

Amos almost collapses with the news.

AMOSOh my god. No.

PECKHis heart just... stopped.

AMOSI cant believe it. I just...

PECK

And then it started again. Like,really quick. Now hes mad theyshaved his belly hair withoutasking.

RIPLEY(alive, but in a stupor)

Iss never gonna grow BACK RIGHT!

AMOSJeez, Peck! Hes alive?

DOCHes groggy from the anesthesia,

but hell make a full recovery.

AMOS(relieved, to Doc)

Let me know as soon as hes able toretake command. Can you officiallypronounce me mentally fit for duty?

DOCOf course.

AMOSGreat.

DOCIll need to observe you for threedays and then administer thestandard psych competency tests.

AMOSNever mind.

Amos rushes out of the O.R. Theater.

35


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INT. BREAK ROOM

The two teams huddle over the tables. The countdown shows onehour is left. Kennedy stares at the break room door. Theblast door has sealed them off the bridge.

BOOTHEHow long has the bridge been sealedoff? What if we have to go to thebathroom?

MATHESONSee? That's why I just went righthere in the-

BRIMLEYLet's not relive it.

Ka'ak stands up, her mood brightening.

KA'AKAaaaah! Is for a picture, for thathas breaking pieces all over. Weare for fixing the picture!

BOOTHERight, Ka'ak. Right.

KENNEDYDon't even... Ugh.

INT. BRIDGE

Cake stands maniacally at Amoss console with Kyle 14.

CAKEKyle 14. I need a communicationsofficer to help me get theseprogress reports organized and sentin to OSA central. Have a seat.

KYLE 14Okay.

Kyle 14 sits down, dropping out of frame.

CAKEHave a seat at the communicationsconsole.

KYLE 14Okay.

Kyle 14 rushes and sits down at Sunny's console. He lookseverything up and down.

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KYLE 14 (CONTD)Is this channel the only one we getover here? It's really boring.

CAKEI guess Ill add fix robot to thetask list.

Cake bangs on his desk. He then hits some buttons and Pintocomes up on the main screen, in the engine room.

CAKE (CONTD)Chief mechanic, why aren't myengines starting up yet?

PINTOThat meltdown Amos started set usback a bit. This last relays abitch.

CAKEThis should be done by now, giventhe resources we've put to this andthe rate of expiration of thestrain of yeast I planted.

PINTOThe yeast you planted?

CAKEPinpointed. The yeast I pinpointed.

PINTOWhatever. But I'm still confused

about your new system of flexiblehours.

CAKEYes, what?

PINTOJust how flexible are these hours?

CAKEWell, you see, under the newsystem, people can choose whentheir shifts begin and end-

PINTOAh, okay, so... Could I, say, makeit so I only have to work an hour aday under this new system?

CAKEFix those relays and I'll make sometime to go over everything withyou, okay? Get it done.

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PINTOYeah okay. Go team.

INT. ENGINE ROOM

As Cake's call shuts off on the monitor, Amos steps out frombehind a piece of hardware.

AMOSGood. Keep stalling him. I'mputting together a team to takeback the bridge.

PINTOYou tried to mutiny, and blow up myengines. The computer says yourebonkers.

AMOS

Hes the one thats bonkers. ItsHIS mutiny.

PINTOThere was a bulletin that suggestedif I run into you I should speak incalm, positive tones and alert the-

AMOS(interrupting)

I'm in charge! Get back to doingnothing.

Amos leaves.

PINTO(to himself)

Okay, one says work harder, theother says stop working. Im going

with wacko #2.

INT. WEIGHT LOSS CLINIC

The Doc and Peck prop up Ripley on the scale while the DietGal watches.

PECKLet's hurry this up. His breathsmells like bad breath.

DIET GALLet's see. Well, you've surpassedyour goal weight. You've lost atotal of one hundred and eight

pounds.

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RIPLEY(weakly)

Congratulations.

DOCOkay, now back to the medic stationfor IV fluids, thats the deal.

They pick him up again and drag him out of the office.

DIET GALThis is very unusual. However didyou achieve this?

Ripley stops in the doorway and turns around.

RIPLEY(croaking, dry voice)

I believe in myself!

They carry him away.


Amos types away at a computer console.

SUNNY(over communicator)

Comman-, uh, suspended, uh-

AMOSCommanders fine, Sunny.

SUNNYIve checked all entries into thebridge, its sealed off completely.

AMOSWho can pronounce me sane again soI can get my computer access back?

SUNNYOne moment, Im sending you a listof qualified personnel.

Amoss communicator BEEPS. He looks at the list, shocked.

AMOSOh youre kidding.

INT. BREAK ROOM - MOMENTS LATER, INTERCUT

Amos speaks to Brimley via videophone. He sits at the puzzletable, his arms crossed defiantly.

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BRIMLEYAs far as you know, thosecredentials are completely legit.It allows for writing prescriptionsand access to certain, specializedequipment.

AMOSI dont care how you got certified,Brimley. I need you to pronounce me

mentally capable for active duty.

BRIMLEY(relishing the moment)

How would you describe your mood,this very moment?

AMOS(gritted teeth)

Anxious.

BRIMLEYOh. Oh boy. When you look in the

mirror, do you feel a) Very Angry,b) Somewhat Angry-

AMOS(in Brimleys face)

The ship is in danger, Brimley.

BRIMLEYWhoa, whoa. Fine. One sec.

Brimley presses a few buttons on his communicator.

BRIMLEY (CONTD)Congratulations. Youre sane. Ish.

AMOSThank you. I need you and Mathesonto help me retake the bridge. Weveonly got a few more minutes beforethose engines kick back on.

BRIMLEYWe've only got eighteen minutes andchange left on the jigsaw clock.Damn right were doing this fast.

Brimley places a small device on the far wall and presses abutton. He steps to the side and BOOM, a hole is blown intothe wall, leading to the hallway. Brimley, and Matheson runthrough the hole.

40


42/50


They approach the computer console. This time, his accesscodes work. Amos is back in business.

AMOSKyle 14... Kyle 14, come in.

(to Brimley and Matheson)I've patched into Kyle 14'sinternal frequency, but I thinkCake's blocking the signal.

INT. BRIDGE - SMASH CUT

Kyle is still, but his eyes search the room.

AMOS(inside Kyle 14's head)

Kyle 14, come in! Do you read me?

Not knowing where the voice is coming from, Kyle leans overand bangs his head on the desk a couple of times.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BRIDGE - CONTINUED

Amos gives up. Brimley and Matheson look eager.

MATHESONWe could set off an explosive that

would take him out very quickly. Itwould only destroy forty, maybefifty percent of the bridge in theprocess.

BRIMLEYHey, that's pretty good!

AMOSNo, I've already got something inplace. Now that I have access, Ijust need some backup and adiversion.

Brimley checks his watch nervously.

MATHESONWell, WHAT'S THE HOLDUP!?

AMOSBrimley, go find another console.Matheson, you're with me.

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INT. BRIDGE

Cake seems preoccupied with watching Kyle 14 repeatedly banghis head with his hand.

CAKEI'm telling you, I don't hearanything.

A CHIRP indicates a call coming in to the bridge. Cake putsthe call up on the big screen. It's Brimley, in the hall.

BRIMLEY(rushing)

Hi, uh, I have a report-deal thatyou might find interesting, sir.

CAKEYes, slow down Brimley, what is it?

BRIMLEY(rushing)No, I don't think I will slow down.It's more efficient to talk faster,and efficiency is actually thesubject of my report, sir, I knowit's a subject that interests you.

CAKE(talking fast like Brimley)

Yes I see your point, it is moreefficient to talk faster, what isthis report of which you speak?

BRIMLEY(rushing)

Well you see sir, there's alreadyan uptick in efficiency numbers,which is evident in a report I justfiled. I took the liberty ofsetting up your new log system and

password if you wanted to send thefile to OSA Central to take credit.

CAKE(rushing)

Yes I would be interested in doingthat, thank you very much for

taking the initiative. What's mynew login and password?

BRIMLEY(rushing)

Your login and password, which aretemporary, of course, are thefollowing: Login- "Cake". Password-"Cake".

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CAKE(rushing)

I commend you on your efficiency inthis matter. Thank you, Brimley.

BRIMLEY(rushing)

You're very welcome sir!

Brimley hangs up the call. Cake looks pleased.

INT. EMPTY CAFETERIA

Peck walks in with Ripley, who looks slightly better,probably due to the IV that he's wheeling alongside him.

PECKAre you sure this is a good idea? Itold Doc that Id take you to your

quarters to rest.

RIPLEYI cheated death today, Jimmy. Ivebeen to the spiritual realm andback again, and I have a message.

PECKWhats the message?

Stopping at the kitchen door, Ripley gives him a dramaticlook.

RIPLEY

In my ministry, we call it... bighonking chow time.

Ripley enters the kitchen.

INT. BRIDGE

Cake engages his keyboard, types in his new login.

CAKESign in... Cake, and Cake.

ZAP! Suddenly, a zillion volts of electricity shoot out ofthe console. Cake stiffens and keels over, stunned.


Matheson uses his near-superhuman strength to lift up theblast door high enough for Amos to crawl through.

43


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INT. BRIDGE

Amos rushes to the first officer's console. He presses a fewbuttons and manages to undo all of Cake's defenses. The blastdoors lift away from all of the exits.

Sunny, Brimley and Matheson rush onto the bridge.

AMOSGood. Secure the perimeter and I'll

make sure all of his lockouts aretaken care of.

They continue their run, without breaking their stride, rightinto the break room. Amos is too busy to notice.

CAKE(wincing)

Oh god, I can't move!

AMOSThat's the idea.

CAKESomething zapped me. Please stopstanding on me and look intogetting that console fixed.

We pull back to reveal Amos is hunched over the console,standing on Cake's chest.

AMOSWhen we last removed you from theship I had some anti-Cake measures

added to this hardware.

CAKEPerhaps you should spend more timeconcentrating on your leadershipskills than booby-trapping your ownconsole.

AMOSPerhaps I should spend more timejumping up and down.

Amos starts to jump up and down on Cake's chest. Cake yelps

with each jump.Some excited yelling can be heard coming from the break room.

BOOTHE (O.S.)Come on! Come on!

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INT. BREAK ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Kennedy is near tears, with mere seconds left on the counter,there's still a big hole in hers. Brimley hovers over thelast three pieces of his puzzle.

MATHESONSTEP ASIDE!

Matheson pushes Brimley aside, with four seconds left. Hehovers his hands over the puzzle for a moment.

BOOTHEOh my god, three seconds! Go Andy!

With amazing manual dexterity, Matheson swishes the piecesacross the puzzle, and all three of them drop into place.

The counter stops at one second left, and bright lights startshining out of the box. Computerized CELEBRATORY MUSIC starts

to play as the box's computer registers a win.

Meanwhile, Kennedy's puzzle box flashes zero, and a "bwaabwaa" sad sound plays.

BRIMLEYAndy, you puzzle solving son of abitch!

INT. EMPTY CAFETERIA

Ripley exits the kitchen, with various food items from gravyto raspberry jam covering his face and chest. His body shapeis now back to it's previous, portly state.

He looks very calm and zen. Peck walks with him, lookingshocked by what he just witnessed.

PECKI have so much to learn from you!

RIPLEYNow we honor the metaphysicaluniverse by the donning of sweatpants and napping in front of theTV.

INT. BREAK ROOM

Kennedy and Sunny glare at the other team as they wearilycelebrate finishing the puzzle in time. Ka'ak smiles.

KA'AKDid for we won the puzzling game?

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SUNNYNo, Ka'ak. We didn't win.

A piece of paper prints out of the puzzle box on Brimley'stable. He rips it out and reads it.

BRIMLEY"Congratulations, you've done theimpossible and won the grand prize.Pack your bags, you're going on avacation."

MATHESONYeah!

BOOTHEOh, finally, a vacation!

BRIMLEY"You've won a three day, two night

cruise on an actual spaceship inthe Outer Space Astronauts' fleet.The OSS Oklahoma...

Kennedy starts to laugh.

KENNEDYOh, so sorry guys. Hey, congrats on

winning the big glamorous prize!

Matheson kicks a vending machine and Boothe gets up and walksout the huge hole in the wall. Brimley looks upset at first,then his expression changes to amused.

WIPE TO:

INT. BRIDGE - A WEEK LATER

Everyone but Kennedy and Brimley are at their posts on thebridge. Ripley looks like his old self.

PECKSo when do you think youll be done

writing your book about your near-death experience?

RIPLEYEat $#!+ And Die? Ah hell, I gaveup on that. Turns out writing abook is, like, ten times harderthan reading one. I dont reallyremember what happened anyway. I DOknow that its time for a sensiblelunch.

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PECKI thought lunchtime happened aboutan hour ago.

RIPLEYNo, you're remembering that timeyesterday when I said "Hey it's

lunchtime, and it's yesterday." Andwe ate pizza.

A wider view of Peck shows that he has some tomato saucestains on his shirt, and a slice of pepperoni on hisshoulder. Clearly they ate pizza an hour ago.

PECKOh right. I remember that. What doyou want? For some reason I'm nothungry at all.

Kennedy and Brimley enter the bridge. Brimley is dressed in

civilian vacation clothing. He holds a camera, and snapspictures every once in a while. Kennedy looks miserable.

KENNEDYAnd here we have the main controlroom of the ship, which we call'the bridge'.

Brimley points to the cartography console, where Kyle 14 isstanding.

BRIMLEYWow! What's that do?

KYLE 14This. This is, uh, a table. A warmtable, with lights.

BOOTHEWe gotta set him back to smart,this isn't hardly funny any more.

Brimley gestures to a brochure hes holding.

BRIMLEY(to Kennedy)

Ooh, a demonstration ofweightlessness. Whens that?

Sunny looks up from her console.

SUNNYCommander? We're getting that callfrom the security ship you're

waiting for.

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AMOSThank you Lieutenant. Put it on myscreen.

A screen pops up on his console, and an image of Cakeappears. He's in a cell, with straight-jacket restraints on.

CAKEThis is Commander Cake. Pleasebegin your report.

AMOSI just wanted to make sure you werecomfortable.

CAKEI order you to stand down, Amos.I'm taking over as first officer.

AMOS

Yeah. There was some data I washoping to get from you before you,you know, go away forever.

CAKEI wouldnt expect you to understandmy new dynamic efficiency plan!

AMOSActually I was referring to your

macaroon recipe.

CAKEYou think I care about cookies even

a tiny bit? Becoming a master-bakerwas a MEANS to an END.

AMOSWhy waste time planting yeast inrelays, and slipping peopleparasites?

KENNEDY(butting in)

And planting overly-difficultjigsaw puzzles.

CAKEThat wasnt me. That was just youguys being distracted dumb-asses.

AMOSYou have a gift. Your food isamazing. You could be verysuccessful.

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CAKEOh yeah, Commander Dennis Cake, theworlds BIGGEST master-baker! Illjust spend ALL DAY master-bakinguntil I pass out! What a joke! Whywould I spend my time master-bakingwhen I could be THERE, on the

bridge, where I belong?

AMOSHey, Cake.

CAKEWhy can't I move my ARMS?!

AMOSCaaaake... Good meeting.

Amos hangs up the call. He looks around at everyone on thebridge, who have all been listening to his call with Cake.

AMOS (CONTD)So, it looks like Cake is giving up

master-baking for good.

Everyone snorts out contained laughter. Amos rolls his eyesand nods, but after a second, allows himself to chuckle, too.

FREEZE FRAME, END CREDITS

END OF EPISODE

49

Documents

OSA Yeast-Related 4th Draft