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COMMUNICATE TO INFLUENCE
Eileen Browne - Training Consultant
WelcomePlease feel free to enter your name and organisation in to the chat function as we wait for all participants to arrive
What makes us tick?
… and what’s that got to do with onions?
THE
HUMAN
ONION
The Value of Values
Operating principles that guide an organisation’s internal conduct
as well as its relationship with the external world
The Value of Values
Values are the things we believe are important in the
way we live and work.
They can determine our standards of behaviour
Values
Influenced from early on in our
childhood – by the ‘big’ people.
Values
Influenced from early on in our
childhood – by the ‘big’ people.
Attitudes and Beliefs
Influenced by our values
Values
Influenced from early on in our
childhood – by the ‘big’ people.
Attitudes and Beliefs
Influenced by our values
Feelings
An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs
Values
Influenced from early on in our
childhood – by the ‘big’ people.
Attitudes and Beliefs
Influenced by our values
Feelings
An internal response, related to
our attitudes and beliefs
Behaviour
An external reaction to all
of the above
A thought someone shared with me“Isn’t it funny how
we judge others by their
behaviour, but we judge
ourselves by our motives”
CHOOSE A BABYSITTERCHARACTER A CHARACTER B
•Actively rebellious
•Showed disregard for law and authority
•Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance
•Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity
•Married 3 times
•Consistently absent as a father and husband
•Brought up with a religious education
•Interested in the arts
•Described by many as studious and ambitious
•A willing volunteer and missionary
•Loyal serviceman
•Awarded for bravery
•Respected as an authority in his field
•Actively rebellious
•Showed disregard for law and authority
•Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance
•Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity
•Married 3 times
•Consistently absent as a father and husband
•Brought up with a religious education
•Interested in the arts
•Described by many as studious and ambitious
•A willing volunteer and missionary
•Loyal serviceman
•Awarded for bravery
•Respected as an authority in his field
Choose a babysitterCHARACTER A CHARACTER B
Choose a babysitterCHARACTER A CHARACTER B
AUDIAL
VISUAL
KINAESTHETIC
Communication Style Preferences
FACTS & FIGURES
PEOPLE & FEELINGS
NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences
FACTS & FIGURES
PEOPLE & FEELINGS
Logical Decides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical
NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences
FACTS & FIGURES
PEOPLE & FEELINGS
Logical Decides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical
Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflictWants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive
NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS
Communication Style Preferences
FACTS & FIGURES
PEOPLE & FEELINGS
LogicalDecides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended toMore concerned with ideas and principles than peopleMay be self-critical
NiceCan be slow to changeAvoids confrontation and conflictWants harmonyLikes to know motivationsIntuitive
NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTSFunEnthusiasticOptimisticUnstructuredCan be mischievousForms opinions from feelingsPeople oriented
Communication Style Preferences
FACTS & FIGURES
PEOPLE & FEELINGS
LogicalDecides after evaluationWants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended toMore concerned with ideas and principles than peopleMay be self-critical
NiceCan be slow to changeAvoids confrontation and conflictWants harmonyLikes to know motivationsIntuitive
NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTSFunEnthusiasticOptimisticUnstructuredCan be mischievousForms opinions from feelingsPeople oriented
Results orientedDirectLoves change and challengeDecides quicklyRisk takerSeeks solutionsCan be hasty
GREEN – Facts & Figures• Provide data• Take out or don’t use fluff/waffle – straight facts• Give them incentives. • Set challenges so they have a sense of achievement• Use pictograms/charts to make proposition visual
Other suggestions……• Focus on What, When, Where and How?• Give step by step instructions• Give positive feedback, encouragement and reassurance • Provide evidence• Appeal to their expertise and competence• Allow time for plenty of questions• Have clearly defined deadlines• Provide standards and parameters
BLUE – People & Feelings• Give them data about people’s lives/material situation• Values• Give them time to process info• Give them reassurance that idea wont cause disharmony or conflict • Promote community cohesion
Other suggestions…….• Build rapport and trust – get to know them• Acknowledge how they are feeling• Use the words “ I feel…” “I think…”• Make clear the “WHY”• Teamwork, working in collaboration• Get consensus• Have a gentle, tacit approach• BIG picture – positive impact on multiple people
YELLOW – New ideas & Creativity• Positive people/like positive words• Bright shiny images• Feel inclusive• Give solutions• Beginning and end/less about the middle• Need for interactive workshops• Brainstorming• Team building exercises
Other suggestions…….• Capture their imagination• Give specific directions• Use humour and images• Set/hit mini goals• Series of short meetings for check in and review
RED – Challenge & Results• CEOs – not detailed people• Don’t overload with lots of detail• Focus on solutions and how they impact their decision making• Show benefit and potential rewards of the risks taken• Share what it will mean to them• Present them with direct messages• Not conversational approach/more direct• Ask for a decision. Not open ended – give them planned options from which to
choose
Other suggestions…….• Get to the point /Talk results/Anticipate questions• Frame proposition in terms of problem/solution• Use language such as: Direct, Immediate, Total• Introduce, timescales, milestones
Reflection and ActionThinking about communication stylepreferences ….
• What strengths do I have in my communication style approach?
• Which new approaches could I try to communicate with more influence?
In order to be understood,Seek first to understand
Stephen Covey7 Habits of Highly Effective People
LISTENING….“Next to physical survival, the greatest human need is psychological survival; to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.When you listen with empathy to another person you give that person psychological air.And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.” Steven Covey 1991
ENVIRONMENTEARS
EYES
EXPERIENCE
EMOTIONS EXPECTATION
EGO
E’sy Listening?
What gets in the way of being an effective listener?
Your feedback via Chat• Too busy• Too busy thinking what to say next• Bored• My mind is racing ahead thinking about how they are talking• Judgement• Anger/fear• Attention span• Distractions• Being pre-occupied with something else• Not being prepared• Preconceptions – ideas that are already ingrained in yourself• Jumping to conclusions (without properly listening to a point of view)
7 Ways To Listen More Effectively
• Silence the inner talk• Don’t interrupt• Don’t plan you answer half way• Avoid assuming the end• Sum up and reflect back • Check for understanding• Ask questions
Ask the right questions…….• Ask OPEN questions to encourage
discussion…‘WHAT?’ ‘WHEN?’ ‘HOW?’‘WHO?’ ‘WHERE?’ ‘TELL ME ABOUT’
• Ask CLOSED questions if you want to clarify
• Ask PROBING questions
• Avoid WHY questions (sometimes)????
• Ask questions in informal language – this is a conversation not an interrogation
How to engage more effectively• Using images/text – engage visually• sk if message is being understood – regularly• Don’t wait until the end• Eye contact• Think about impact of using zoom and other virtual platforms• Think about oher persons perdepctive• What can hook hem in• Ensure discussion so people come to the conslusions themselves• Ask for theor feedback to imptove things
7 Ways To Engage More Effectively
• Consider opener to get their attention• Clarify goal – to you and them• Use 3 point frameworks• Show benefits to them• Choose language and jargon• Ask effective questions
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional Intelligence is……
The capacity to be aware of, control and express one's emotions appropriately and clearly in a way that helps you to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously,
empathetically and harmoniously
Useful Influencing Behaviours
I demonstrate listening by giving attention, reflecting data and
feeling and summarising
I express my views and opinions backed by reasons, forcefully
enough to be taken seriously
I focus and build on common ground
I spell out the benefits or consequences
of meeting … or not meeting
my expectations
I disclose personal and work information appropriate to the relevant situation
I state what I want or what action I want
taken
I use questions to increase understanding
of your position
I openly express my feelings about the current situation
Addressing Needs and Concerns
S
Stakeholder
StakeholderStakeholder
Stakeholder
NEEDS
NEEDS
NEEDS
NEEDSCONCERNS
CONCERNS
CONCERNS
CONCERNS
TOPIC
Planning Your CommunicationThink about …
What is in your way and within your influence?What is in your way but outside of your influence?What steps can you take now?
Portraying Confidence
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil.
PS. 23:4
3 Step Approach to Saying “STOP”
Assertiveness is . . .• being able to say what you think or
feel but not at the expense of the other person
• having self respect and respect for the other person
MODES OF BEHAVIOUR• AGGRESSIVE - violates rights of
others
• PASSIVE - violates your rights
• ASSERTIVE - respects the rightsof both parties
Three Step Approach3. Focus on the futureCould we agree that in future if you need to extend a deadline we could talk about it and agree the best way forward
2. Focus on feelings/ fallout/impactBecause I didn’t get x in time, I had to stay late to compile data myself and had to delay my report to/meeting with ….
1. Focus on factsJo, we agreed I’d have x by ‘date/time’ and I didn’t get it from you. I appreciate you have competing priorities and so do I.
We CANNOT change
other people,
but WE can adapt to
Communicate to Influence
Eileen Browne, Training Consultant
07508939668 [email protected]
Directory of Social Change www.dsc.org.uk
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