Once again, the game goes into…

Extra Innings

1) Top 10 Newsletters 2) Okay. That’s actually as far as we got with our Top 10 list of Top 10 lists, so we’re going to need your help. We plan to run a top 10 list of your favorites in various areas in each future issue. Each list will conclude with the subject for the next issue’s list and an invitation for you to submit your choices. (You don’t have to list 10.) But first we need to know what areas you’d like to explore through the lens of a “Top 10” ranking. Email your nominations for good top 10 list topics to Coach: marshall.cook@wisc.edu

On the insideAngela’s Little Italian MotherSuzanne Beecher’s Dear ReaderWorld’s worst predictionsWorld’s best predictionsand the proverbial bunches more

A few possibilities for useful and fun Top 10 lists: TV shows movies board games computer games sounds smells singers/musicians/songs athletic events to watch childhood memories things to do outdoors places you’ve been places you’d like to go famous people you’d like to meet writers books newsletters magazines newspapers

from beautiful Gilmore Field home of the Hollywood Stars

Top 10 list of Top 10 lists

Head and shoulders above the rest Number 115 Madison, WI Summer, 2020

So much for the “experts” World’s worst predictions A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere. —New York Times, 1936 When the Paris Exhibition [of 1878] closes, electric light will close with it and no more will be heard of it. —Oxford professor Erasmus Wilson And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam. —Newsweek, predicting popular holidays spots to visit for the late 1960s It’ll be gone by June. —Variety Magazine on Rock n’ Roll in 1955 The world potential market for copying machines is 5,000 at most. —IBM to the eventual founders of Xerox, telling them that the photocopier didn’t have a market large enough to justify production, 1959. I must confess that my imagination refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but suffocating its crew and floundering at sea. H.G. Wells, British novelist, 1901 The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches [tanks] is absurd. It is little short of treasonous.” —Aide-de-camp to Field Marshal Douglas Haig at a tank demonstration, 1916. How, sir, would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bonfire under her deck? I pray you, excuse me. I have not the time to listen to such nonsense. —Napoleon Bonaparte when told of Robert Fulton’s steamboat, 1800s. The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to no one in particular? —Associates of David Sarnoff responding to the latter’s call for investment in the radio in 1921. No, it will make war impossible. —Hiram Maxim, inventor of the machine gun, in response to the question “Will this gun make war more terrible? from Havelock Ellis, in 1893. If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one. —W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954

___________________________EI page 2 There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. —Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC) in a talk given to a 1977 Future Society meeting in Boston. No one will pay money to get from Berlin to Potsdam in one hour when he can ride his horse there in one day for free. —Ken William I of Prussia, on trains, 1864 Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night. —Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 20th Century Fox, 1946 The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty— a fad. —The president of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford’s lawyer not to invest in the Ford Motor Company, 1903. X-rays will prove to be a hoax. —Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, 1883 I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. —Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia. —Dr. Dionysius Lardner, 1830 The ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. —Western Union internal memo, 1876 And the winner is… We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. —Decca Recording Company executive, on declining to sign the Beatles to a record contract, 1962 —Oopsie.

and now, to be fair and balanced

World’s best predictions 1) The iPad, Arthur C. Clarke (1968) Clarke described “newspads” in his 1968 novel, which became the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. Neither Clarke nor the film’s director, Stanley Kubrick, lived to see the iPad debut in 2010. 2) Cellphones, Nikola Tesla (1909) Tesla suggested in 1909 that someday people would walk around with phones in their pockets. 3) President “Obomi” (1969) Stand on Zanzibar, a 1969 sci fi novel set in 2010, was just two letters off in predicted an African-American president named “Obomi.” The book’s author, John Brunner, also envisioned DVRs, satellite news, terror threats, and illegal marijuana. 4) Credit cards (1888) A college-dropout sci fi author named Edward Bellamy introduced the idea of credit cards in his 1888 novel, Looking Backward. He was clearly looking forward, all the way to 1950, when the Diner’s Club, Inc. issued the first universal credit card. American Express followed in 1958. 5) The Moon Landing (1865!) Took a long time for reality to catch up with author Jules Verne who, when not taking us 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea took us to the Moon in his 1865 novel From Earth to the Moon, and he was pretty close to right on a lot of the details, including weightlessness. 6) The Sinking of the Titanic (1898) Oh, it was sad when the good ship went down, killing 1,517 people. The Titanic had been billed as “unsinkable.” But Morgan Robertson might not have been so surprised, having published a novel called Futility, Or the Wreck of the Titan 14 years before. Like the Titanic, the Titan sank after hitting an iceberg. Robertson was an experienced seaman who wrote frequently about maritime matters. 7) Organ transplants (1660!) You read that right: more than 300 years before the first such operation, chemist Robert Boyle created his “wish list” for the future. Almost all of his predictions, or wishes, came true. One such prediction was that we would learn to cure all diseases (by transplantation). Here’s hoping that one comes true, too.

___________________________E.1. page 3 8) The Internet (1898) Nope. Al Gore didn’t really invent it. But the first person who imagined it was none other than Mark Twain, in his 1898 short story “From the London Times of 1904” with his telelectroscope, a worldwide network for sharing information. 9) The Atomic Bomb (1914) The U.S. dropped one on Hiroshima, Japan on August 6, 1945 and followed that with one for Nagasaki a few days later. But H.G. Wells dropped the first fictional bomb in his 1914 novel The World Set Free. He described the horrors of such a bomb in great detail. 10) Movie Streaming (1987) In an interview for Omni magazine, film critic Roger Ebert envisioned high-def, wide-screen television sets with a push-button dialing system to order whatever movie you wanted when you wanted it. Thumbs up for Mr. Ebert. 11) Greenhouse Effect (1917) This is the real horror of Global Warming— We knew! As early as 1917 Alexander Graham Bell warned that the unchecked burning of fossil fuels would “have a sort of greenhouse effect,” turning the Earth into “a sort of hot-house.” One hundred years later, we started sort of listening. 12) James Dean’s Death (1955) This one isn’t as earth shattering, but it sure shook up a lot of folks when actor James Dean died in a bloody car wreck at age 23. But Alec Guinness, Obi Wan Kenobi in the Star Wars saga, told Dean “Please do not get into that car, because if you do… by 10 o’clock at night next Thursday you’ll be dead.” He was right about the death and the exact date, September 30, 1955. 13) Mark Twain’s Death (1909) Twain was born two weeks after Halley’s comet showed itself to Earth in 1835. Twain told his biographer, who published his book in 1909, the Comet “is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappoint-ment of my life if I don’t go out with Halley’s comet.” He died on April 21, 1910, one day after the comet returned. —more visionaries on next page

Father / Son portrait

Other spot-on predictions include: Smart Homes (1999); the revelation that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s daddy (1978); Blogging (1835!); The Chicago Cubs winning the World Series (1993), long after most folks gave up thinking it would ever happen; GPS (1993); Online Shopping (1967); Waterbeds (1961); Ronald Reagan and the fall of the Berlin Wall (1969), and perhaps most startling: 14) World War II! When French general and military theorist Ferdinand Foch learned that the Peace Treaty of Versailles had been signed, leaving Germany largely intact, he told Winston Churchill, “This is not peace. It is an armistice for 20 years.” He didn’t miss by much. Twenty years and 68 days later, WW II broke out. Foch died in March of 1929, so he never got to see how right he was.

Mission Viejo High School senior Michael Lee didn’t know what to write under his yearbook picture in 1993, so he predicted that the Cubs would win the 2016 World Series. He was right.

___________________________E.I. page 4 E.I. MEMORIAL DAY MINI PORTRAIT

Marv’s Uncle Al "Uncle Freddie did go bye-bye on the train and I did wave goodbye to he." Over the years, I've been told by my parents and other Borgman relatives that this was my response when asked how I spent the afternoon that day. I believe I was around two years old at the time. That day my uncle Alfred left northwest Iowa for nearly four years service in the US Army. Uncle Alfred served with the OSS and was one of a small contingent of paratroopers who parachuted behind enemy lines near Normandy about a week before D-Day. Their mission was to create confusion and destroy targets of opportunity. Later he was posted to the Asian theater and was dropped in to work with insurgent forces including Gurkhas, doing much the same work for nearly a year on the Asian mainland. Uncle Al never talked much about those days but did finally make a recording containing his recollections regarding his army experiences shortly before passing away five or six years back at age 90. I’ve recently acquired a copy. I'm looking forward to hearing his voice again and see what he had to say. Marv Borgman

U.S. troops of the 4th Infantry Division land at Utah Beach, Normandy, D-Day, June 6, 1944.

Suzanne Beecher’s DEAR READER Hit me with your best shot After reading this headline in today's newspaper, here in Sarasota [FL]— "New forecast says brace for major hurricanes to strike the US in 2020”— instead of mentally piling-on this new anxiety-ridden information, adding it to the COVID-19 virus, my husband tripping and injuring his leg, my occipital neuralgia flaring (a bang-your-head-against-the-wall pain), and one of our cats being sick--I've decided this is almost getting laughable, so I'm announcing, "bring it on," and I'm borrowing Pat Benatar's taunt in her song, "Hit me with your best shot!" I'm ready. Instead of worrying, I've decided to give my full attention and concentrate on what I can do in the moment—writing, doing the dishes, gardening, calling a friend, turning on the bubble machine I run in front of my house. These things bring some "normal" into my day, and they are where I can find peace. Baking is another way for me to let down and relax. So when I saw a simple recipe for Pantry Peach Cobbler in the newspaper I decided to try something new. This recipe is really so good, it's unbelievable. dingbat dingbat dingbat dingbat Behind the scenes at the offices of Extra Innings

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Pantry Peach Cobbler Recipe by Southern Kitchen serves 6 to 8 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter 1 29 ounce canned peaches, in juice (I only had peaches in heavy syrup so I didn't add as much sugar) 1 cup sugar, plus more if you want to sprinkle after baking 3/4 all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup milk Heat oven to 350 degrees. Place butter in an 8-inch square baking dish. Place in oven to melt while the oven is heating. Meanwhile, drain the peaches through a strainer set over a medium bowl. Discard half of the juice from the can, reserving the peaches and the remaining juice. In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugar, flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk in the milk to form a smooth batter. Carefully remove the hot baking dish from the oven. Pour the batter into the butter in the dish, allowing the butter to lop over the sides of the batter. Pour the peaches and their remaining juices evenly over the batter; do not stir. Bake until deeply golden brown, 30 to 35 minutes. Transfer the baking dish to a wire rack and sprinkle a little sugar over the top of the cobbler (if you desire). Let cool for at least 10 minutes and serve. Let me know how the COVID-19 virus has changed your daily life. Email: Suzanne@DearReader.com My blog: http://dearreader.typepad.com/

MY LITTLE ITALIAN MOTHER ANGELA M. ROSATI The iceman cometh — but not the shrink They never visited a psychiatrist. They had no time to be nuts. They were overworked with more children than God allows, cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking. They shopped daily because all food had to be fresh. There were no refrigerators. There was the iceman, who left the truck at the curbside and brought a large chunk of ice to a customer. While he was upstairs delivering, the kids, especially in summer, used to climb into his unattained truck and steal bits of ice, sometimes sharing with their thirsty friends. When the iceman returned, he and his rosary of Italian and American curses, he yelled in broken English. This made the kids laugh at him more and the iceman even angrier. He gave us the Italian salute— an open palm in the fold of his elbow. This made the kids run really, really fast. My mother had a busy routine. Besides four kids, she had eight male canaries because only the males sang— just like the human males sing to the girls. Female canaries just look beautiful and lay eggs. Mama also had so many pots of plants that the windows looked as though a jungle were growing there. She had no time to be crazy. She would wrap my auburn, curly hair with wires and rags on a Saturday morning and comb them out into long curls. The following day, Sunday, we were ready for Mass. The wires were used for lamps and kept their shape when bent. She would send me outside to wait for her, telling me not to let the little girls touch my curls.

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No sooner did I appear outdoors than I had several unlucky girls with straight hair touching and pulling my curls. I hoped they’d disappear before mama appeared. She was fierce. I don’t know how she did it all. I only remember the pain when she pulled my hair. Nobody knows how I suffered to be beautiful. But ya know, with my freckles, I needed a big miracle. Sidebar “When we traveled to Brooklyn by subway, we would see signs that stated,

“DO NOT EXPECTORATE.” So we didn’t expectorate. We didn’t know what it meant, but we were sure we didn’t do it. Then one day we found out it meant “DO NOT SPIT.” That would have been a better sign. dingbat dingbat dingbat dingbat 2020 Mascot nominee Coach’s vote for mascot for 2020, the Year of the Pandemic, washes his hands carefully before eating and always wears a mask. Rearrange the letters of his name and it spells CORONA. Answer at the end of the BRIEFS, p. 10 Words of Wisdom Dept: “Never order barbecue in a place that also sells quiche. — Lewis McDonald Grizzard, I Haven't Understood Anything Since 1962 and Other Nekkid Truths (1992)

COACH’S BULLPEN BRIEFS Young’s book makes Graywolf Press short-list Black Diamonds, Blue Flames: A Childhood Colored by Coal, a memoir by Catherine Young, is one of 20 nonfiction books named to the 2020 Graywolf Press Nonfiction Prize short list. I usually don’t get too excited about awards, let alone short lists for awards, but this is a prestigious award from a solid source. It would be a big boost for a great book. I’ve had the pleasure of reading much of the book in manuscript form and look forward to reading the finished book. Congratulations, Catherine. Much deserved! Quarantine revisited Lockdown can only go one of 4-ways. You’ll come out a monk, a hunk, a chunk, or a drunk. Choose widely. —Thanks to Ann Gilbert Last issue’s media quiz revealed “In what film did a character known as “Chip Chip Chippermonkey” appear? What was the character’s real name? Who played the character? After checking the prize budget, I allowed as how I could only offer the following prize: The first person in with the right answer would get to continue your free lifetime (mine or yours, whichever ends first) subscription to our newsletter AND get your name in the next issue. Nobody, but nobody, sent in an answer. I figure there are three possible reasons: 1) Nobody knew the answer, and you didn’t want to guess or cheat and look it up. 2) The prize wasn’t good enough. 3) Nobody even read the challenge (or the rest of the newsletter?) I’m hoping it wasn’t that third one. Anyways, if anybody cares, even remotely, the answers are: Film: A Thousand Clowns, starring Jason Robards, Jr. Character’s real name: Leo Herman. Actor playing the role: Gene Saks. Check out the movie. It’s great.

___________________________E.I. page 7 New phrases for the Age of Corona “hunker down”: stay home. “shelter in place”: (if you have a place), stay there. “social distance”: six feet away. “containment”: the number of new cases has plateaued. “who was that masked man?”: might not be the Lone Ranger after all, just somebody who doesn’t want to catch the virus. Little Free Library update As of late April, over 44 million books have been shared in Little Library boxes in more than 100 countries. The Little Free Library of Felton Place is very proud to have been one of the early adopters, LFL #55. He said it: “I do love New Yorkers’ willingness to say what’s on their minds. A woman at church once told me during coffee hour that she never liked my radio show and we became instant friends on that basis. She said it in a friendly way, and frankly I’m not a huge fan of myself either, so right away we have something in common. On the other hand, a New York guy told me Saturday on the phone, ‘I love you. You know that.’ A Minnesotan wouldn’t have said it if you’d put a gun to his head.” — Garrison Keillor Must see TV? Teams of hotel workers in Las Vegas compete in an annual Housekeeping Olympics. Events include bed-making contests, confetti vacuum races, and of course a toilet paper roll toss. The most famous Van Buren sisters? Had to be twin sisters “Dear Abby Van Buren” and “Ann Landers” (Eppie Lederer and Pauline Esther Phillips), right? Nope. Adeline and Augusta Van Buren, were the first women to travel across the United States on two solo motorcycles. They did it in 1916. They were stopped several times for wearing pants— which was illegal for women then. Mythbusters Dept: According to “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” (now created by John Graziano; Ripley is no more), wolves do not howl at the moon. FYI, LeRoy Robert Ripley was born in Santa Rosa, CA in 1890.

Next you’ll tell me Burt Bacharach doesn’t know the way to San Jose You may not recognize the title, but I’ll bet you’ve heard “Appalachian Spring (1944), a classic work composed by Aaron Copland— who never set foot in Appalachia. What’s for dinner? Can’t eat pork— swine flu Can’t eat chicken— bird flu Can’t eat beef— mad cow Can’t eat eggs— Salmonella Can’t eat fish— heavy metal poisons in the waters Can’t eat fruits and veggies— insecticides and herbicides Guess that leaves chocolate candy and ice cream. Remember, “Stressed” spelled backwards is “Desserts” —Thanks to our pal Pedro. Factoid Netflix was responsible for 15% of global internet traffic in 2018. Who really signed all those pictures with Flipper’s nose print? Franz Liszt received so many requests for locks of his long hair that it’s said he cut off patches of his dog’s fur to send instead. G.O.A.T.? Michael Jordan. LeBron James. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Who is the single Greatest (professional basketball player) Of All Time (GOAT)? Kobe Bryant? Magic (you don’t even need the last name if you’re a fan, but for the record, it’s Johnson)? Shaquille O’Neal, maybe? Wilt Chamberlain (a dominant physical presence)? Larry Bird? Bill Russell (best rim-protector in history, who won piles of championships with the Celtics)? Tim Duncan, Hakeem Olajuwon, “Mr. Clutch” Jerry West (my personal hero), “The Big O” Oscar Robertson. “Dr. J.” Julius Erving, Karl “The Mailman” Malone (who always delivers)? What about the man who seemed to be able to hang in the air, Elgin Baylor? Elvin “The Big E” Hayes? Ball-handling magician Bob Cousy, John “Have a Shot” Havlicek, Rick Barry, “Pistol” Pete Maravich, Russell Westbrook, maybe? Knicks’ fans will want Walt Frazier and Willis Reed in the mix.

___________________________E.I. page 8 Why do we have to pick one? Celebrate them all. If you saw any of them play, you were lucky. Wanna try to name a G.O.A.T. in baseball? Football? Good luck to you. You’d have your list; I’d have mine. How about we do 10 Best Television Shows of All-Time for next issue? Words to live by Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres Love never fails. — 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Words to live in

Scientists live in a world of correct answers. Writers live in a forest of wild surmise. — Garrison Keillor in his weekly email column of 5/13/20 They knew how to sling an insult Reynolds's Newspaper 21 Sept. 1879 called someone a “feeble-minded, self-opinionated, coxcombic* mixture of imbecility, assurance and inordinate self-esteem.” * To save you the trouble: “coxcombic” means

“arrogant, conceited.” What are the odds? Ivan Rebollar Cortez of California shares a leap year birthday with his baby daughter Camila. The odds of that happening are 1 in 2,100.000. A Rose by any other name… Elton Musk and singer Grimes recently announced the birth of their son X Æ A-12— but that may not be legal. There are laws concerning baby names, meant to protect children from controversial or embarrassing names— but the laws vary from state to state. Since the passage of Proposition 63 in 1986 establishing English as California’s official language, you can’t use accent marks or

diacritical marks in names. No way José. But in New Jersey a couple named their son Adolph Hitler Campbell, and that was deemed okay. Obscenity, numerals, or symbols are taboo, but a mass murderer?— no problem. In 2013 a Tennessee judge shot down the name Messiah, but his ruling was overturned. And in Georgia, a couple won a legal battle to name their child Allah. Arkansas bans Test, Unk, Void, Baby Boy, and Infant. Magician Penn Jillette named his child Moxie CrimeFighter, and Nicolas Cage hung Kal-El (Superman’s birth name on the planet Krypton) Coppola on his kid. Perfectly legal. No laws protect against stinky nicknames. The whinny, er winner, hands down The phrase “winning hands down” comes from horse racing. When cruising to an easy win, a jockey might loosen the tight reins and drop his hands to win, literally, hands down. Ain’t etymology fascinatin’?

“Look, ma. No hands!” Punishment Dept Frank (I think it’s Frank, but I don’t think even they know which is which): “My doctor recommended exercise to lose weight and orange juice for vitamins.” Ernest (or maybe Frank): “Ah. He’s taking a weight and C approach.” —from Frank and Ernest, by Thames Who first said it? 1) “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” 2) “A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.” 3) “A work of art that contains theories is like an object on which the price tag has been left.” Answers: Alexander Pope coined all three.

__________________________E.I. page 9 Does the winner get the Grand Scallop Award? Every year Barnewville, MN hosts its POTATO DAYS FESTIVAL. This year’s festivities kick off Friday, August 28 with the Kiddie Parade, from the library to Old Depot, and the fun includes a quilt show, a street fair, a KVLY Meet & Greet, the Suz Dance, the Shimmy Sisters, a Lefse Cookoff, a Whist Tournament, Historic Wagon rides, mashed potato wrestling! (thank heavens they didn’t use baked), Miss Tator Tot, a French Fry Feed, Potato Car Races, Barrel Rides… and that’s just Friday! You’ll want to come back the next day for the Potato Peeling Contest, the Mashed Potato Eating Contest, the Mashed Potato Sculpture, and so much more.

The action’s in the mashed potato pool! Your moment of irony In 1995, the Durham Bulls and the Winston-Salem Warthogs gave the fans who had thought they’d turned out to see a Carolina League baseball game an extra show, a brawl that lasted more than half an hour. Baseball brawls aren’t unheard of, of course, but they’re usually tame affairs with a couple of powder-puff punches “thrown.” Not this one. When the dust settled and the smoke cleared, 10 players were tossed out of the game, and W-S pitcher Glen Cullop was knocked out. The league leveled $6,000 in fines and 124 games worth of suspensions to participants in the extra-curricular scrum. The main event took place before a full house, the crowd having been drawn to the park by the night’s special promotion— are you ready for this?— “Strike Out Domestic Violence Night.”

Creative repurposing Kelsey J. of Pasadena, CA took an old mailbox and turned it into a cool Little Free Library.

__________________________E.I. page 10 Answer to the Modest Mascot Proposal Our choice for Official Mascot for 2020 is a…

raccoon!

It is to laugh

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Youth Is BecomingThomas Dunne To Marshall Cook

Youth is handsomer than Age. Youth is swifter than Age. Youth is stronger than Age

Youth runs fast; Age awaits its arrival

Youth taunts, "catch me if you can"; Age doesYouth looks forward; Age looks backward

Youth has no memories; Age doles them outYouth screams, "I want, I need"; Age says, "I am"

Youth is drunk; Age is sober

Youth argues; Age smilesYouth is virile; Age smilesYouth is witty; Age is wise

Youth is impulsive; Age is methodicalYouth is violent; Age is tender.

Youth is loud; Age is quietYouth is restless; Age is collected

Youth acquires; Age forfeitsYouth defies; Age complies

Youth screams with passion; Age yawns with satisfactionYouth is bright light; Age is gold 'n gray

Youth knows all the answers; Age wrote the questions

Youth is a Chickadee; Age is a Mourning Dove

Youth is a flash of lightening; Age is the earthYouth is a rocket hurtling to the stars; Age is spaceYouth is the shoot of a new rose; Age is the earth

Youth sees not the beauty on earth; Age is the earth

Youth is a rock; Age is waterYouth is a rock cliff at the edge of the sea; Age is the sea

Youth is a castle; Age is the windYouth is sunrise; Age is sunset

Youth is me; Age is we

Youth is timeless; Age is time

Youth is becoming; Age is arrived

Youth is Age unrealizedYouth is becoming: Age

Ed note: Thank you, Thomas! Nobody’s ever given me a poem before. I’ll treasure this one.

Song of the Wily One Marshall Cook Run me over with a steamroller til I’m flat as an onion skin. I’ll pop back up just a-smilin’ and a-grinn’ holer then before. Throw me off a cliff watch me fall til I hit the ground with a little “poof” of dust. I’ll climb back up that hill and give you a kiss. Run out on me when I need you most and I’ll be waitin’ when you return. Cut out my heart slash it to pieces and watch it pull itself together again beating just as strong as any conga ever did. Stave me with your words Pound me like a tumbadora and I’ll make music that’ll make you laugh and sing and dance. Break me like an egg and I’ll make you an omelet. Shoot me fulla holes and watch the sun shine through while I laugh and dance for you. Hand me a bomb and light the fuse and I won’t blow it out. After that bomb explodes, and the smoke clears, and the dust settles— I’ll be standing there my face blackened, my hair blown clean off my head

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and I’ll smile and hug you even closer.

Give me a desert to walk through and I’ll walk it an ocean to swim and I’ll swim it a mountain to climb and I’ll fly to the top a crisis to face and I’ll embrace it. Kill me and watch my die and I’ll live again.

I’m no cartoon character, no superhero. I yam what I yam and that’s all what I yam, a child of God born of the love and lust of a woman and a man with some of my father’s grit and my mother’s faith my father’s nose and my mother’s laugh.

The Miller sang it: “a man and a woman a woman and a man, some can and some can’t and some can’t.” The Miller wrote it and called it “Husbands and Wives.”

We weren’t born to die. We were born to live.

E.I. EXPOSE MYTH BUSTERS: Daniel Boone never wore a coonskin cap! Those multi-colored Fruit Loops? All the same flavor. COVID-19 does not spread through horseflies. It’s generally transmitted person to person through talking, sneezing, and coughing. Drinking bleach or another disinfectant does NOT protect you from COVID-19 and is generally not a good idea anyway (regardless of what the president might say). Most Yeti spotting are actually brown bears. Despite a claim made by U.S. Representative Joe Barton to a 2009 Congressional subcommittee wind power is not a finite resource. “Aspartame causes cancer”— classic Internet hoax. Sex before athletic competition does not inhibit performance. Now they tell us, huh. The phases of the moon have no effect on earthquakes. So says the journal Seismological Research Letters. It pounces on unsuspecting deer from the treetops and rips them apart with their razor-sharp teeth. It’s the vampire squirrel of Borneo. But there’s never been a credible sighting of this beast. Your family’s name didn’t get changed at Ellis Island. Inspectors didn’t even take names. The immigrants often altered their surnames in order to fit in better in their new culture.

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🎡 Rats do not outnumber humans in New York City. There’s one for every four people. 🎡 One human year does not equal seven dog years. That misinformation might have originated as long ago as the 13th century at Westminster Abbey. If it were true, humans would be able to reproduce at seven and live to be 150. 🎡 A Journal of Neuroscience study indicated that brain structures of casual pot smokers’ brains are shaped and structured differently. What the study didn’t and couldn’t show was which came first, the pot smoking or the difference in the brain. 🎡 Gloria Steinem put “Wonder Woman” on the cover of the first newsstand issue of Ms. Magazine in 1972 under the heading “Wonder Woman for President.” But the historical existence of super Amazon women, or any matriarchal society, is still a matter of intense debate in the academic world. 🎡 Will eating that chicken wing really be as bad for your health as smoking a cigarette? A scientific study tracking humans for nearly two decades seemed too prove that eating a diet rich in animal proteins during middle age make you four times more likely to die of cancer, a mortality risk factor compared to smoking. But the study on humans, not rats, asked people what the ate on one day and then assumed they ate that way for the past 18 years. The studies didn’t take into account other lifestyle choices. So is meat bad for you? The jury’s still out. One thing’s true for sure: smoking cigarettes is bad for lab rats. That’s why you’ll never see a rat smoking outside the laboratory.

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How to speak Midwestern Puppy Chow In other areas of the country, only dogs eat Puppy Chow. In the midwest, folk eat a dessert made of cereal, powdered sugar, chocolate, and peanut butter and call it “puppy chow.” In other places it’s called “muddy buddies” or “monkey munch.” Squares Most places a smoker might try to bum a cigarette off you. In St. Louis, some of the natives might ask you in you can spare a square. “On my mama” This phrase is also popular in parts of St. Louis. If you say it, you’re swearing to the accuracy of something you just said. Scoooch I’ve actually heard this as far away is California, It means “move over,” as in “Let me scoooch by you Vocabulary quiz (Those of you who used to listen to A Prairie Home Companion should do well on this.) 1) Bubbler 2) Ope 3) Isch 4) Hotdish* 5) Uffda 6) Spendy 7) Trixie 8) Pop 9) Padiddle 10) Schnockered 11) Jeez 12) Brewski 13) Tennis shoes 14) Jeet

_________________________E,I. page 14 Answers: 1) Drinking fountain. 2) Like “oops” or maybe “darnit.” 3) Same as “gross” or “ew.” 4) Casserole— usually topped with those Durkee french fried onions or tater tots.* 5) An expression of astonishment, relief, or dismay. As in: “Uffda1 I got so schnockered* at the bar last night, I couldn’t even walk home. 6) Too expensive. 7) Used in Chicago to refer to a “freshly graduated sorority sister from a Big 10 university who probably dates a “Chad”— her male equivalent. She likely drives a Jetta and wears an Ann Taylor blouse. 8) Soda, Coke (used generically). You might have a pop with your hotdish. 9) This one had already made it out to California when I lived there. It’s a simple car game where you earn a point by being the first to spot a vehicle with one headlight out and shout “Padiddle.” Some folks play “strip padiddle.” I don’t recommend it. It’s hard to drive while trying to take your pants off. (I do not speak from experience.) 10) Drunk in public. Also blasted, wasted, slammed. In the Midwest, you often get schnockered on brewskis. 11) Like “gee whiz.” 12) Beer, brew, Bud 13) Sneakers, running shoes, athletic shoes, gym shoes, or just shoes. You need not actually play tennis to wear them. We called ‘em “tennis shoes” in California, too. 14) Did you eat? Have you eaten? Have you et yet?”

Tater tot casserole aka “Cowboy casserole”— Known in the Midwest as “Hot Dish”