Once a motherRelinquishment and adoption from the perspective of unmarried mothersin Tamil Nadu, India.

Pien Bos

PhD 2008 (with distinction)

Supervisors:Dr. Fenneke ReysooProf. Dr. Joke Schrijvers

Funding: NWO-Wotro & WODC

Background of the research & the researcher

•University of Utrecht: MA Pedagogic & Cultural Antropology (1995)

•World-children (NGO) Adoption agency (1995-2000)

• Radboud University Nijmegen PhD. (2008) ‘Once a mother’

2011• Birthmothers in the Nederlands (2009 – 2011)•Unicef: supply-side of adoption in Vietnam (2011-2012)

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Adoption Triangle

AdoptionAgencies

Relinquished child

Birthmother/parents Adoptive parent(s)

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Background of the ResearchBased upon experiences while I was working for Wereldkinderen Adoption Agency (1995-2000):

Reasons for relinquishment:

• Financial constraints– politically incorrect

• Deprivation of parental rights (NL: ‘Ontzet uit de ouderlijke macht’) (Colombia)

– ± politically (in)correct

• Social stigma – ‘Unmarried Mothers’ (India)– politically correct

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Tamil Nadu

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Research Objective

To gain insight into the decision-making processes of unmarried mothers with regard to raising their children or relinquishing them for adoption.

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Etnography: approach & noun

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Access Methods Sources

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Unmarried mothers?

Negotiating marriage

‘The tāli makes the difference,’ my assistant Florina explains to me. ‘If a tāli is tied by the man, the woman will consider herself married to that particular man’. ‘Not like that,’ Meenaksi nuances later. ‘Any man can tie a tāli in any place. A man may tie his concubine a tāli to make her feel more comfortable and to reduce her shame but that does not make them married.’ Quote: Once a mother Chapter 1 10

Photo:Tying the yellow rope (tāli): the ultimate wedding act.

52 ‘Unmarried Mothers’: women without husband

36 ‘Unmarried Mothers’ relinquished for adoption

- 7 retrospective

- 29 During decision-making process- 6 (expecting) mothers were married

- 16 (expecting) mothers were unmarried- 7 (expecting) mothers had a negotiable marital status

16 ‘Unmarried Mothers’ did not relinquishAll retrospective

- 9 unmarried- 7 once married (single parents: seperated/divorced)

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Relinquishment: The cultural meaning of motherhood

Selvi, twenty years after signing the surrender-deed:

‘It is the same blood running in the two of us. I am sure that he still has the scent of Madras on him.’Quote: Once a mother Chapter 2

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- Relinquishing the care for her child, since motherhood is not transferable

- The legal reality does not match with the personal experiences of mothers (a ‘paperwork-construction’)

Decisive factors- Guilt & Loyalty towards family.

Unmarried mother about her father:

‘[He said] “I gave you all the freedom and now you have put me in shame (talaikuṉivu = ‘I lost my face’). How can I answer the questions? I can not face anybody. I did not expect you to do like this. I educated you..” He said this to me and started crying.(..)’

- Reciprocity: Baby as a gift.

- Role of institutions:- Dominant middel-class discourses in institutions.- Financial incentives- Double role - Inadequate and directive counseling

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