On The Celebration Of Being Alone

8/14/2019 On The Celebration Of Being Alone

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Just a room. (Suddenly slams icebox door shut, pauses, hand onicebox. Slowly.)

Im not.. supposed.. to have this. (Slowly turns and goes back to table, sits down inother chair, stares at coat, pauses, looks up, stares,looks at window, slowly gets up and goes over to

window, stares out through it, raises it, the

SOUNDS of a city float into the room, he stares out,

slowly turns and looks around the room, turns

quickly around, stares out, pauses, shouts out

window)

Oh, I see you down there! I see you all right! (Pauses)Crummy bastards! (Utters a sound of disgust, a wave of the hand, as he

turns and circles a few steps around the window,comes back to it, stares out of it)

Oh, yeah! (Pauses, stares out)Look at you! Down on the street! Five stories down! Lined up in rows.. in your little tin cars..

waiting for a light on a pole to change color! Change color! (Turns quickly from window, turns quickly back)Biggest goddam change in your entire goddam day! And you down there! You on those

sidewalks! What the hell do you think youre doing? (Stares out)Dont think youre not noticed! - oh, youre noticed all right! - oh yeah, youre noticed!

(Stares out)Thats right, dont bother to look up! Dont bother! Because I can see what youre doing - ohyeah, I can see what youre doing to each other! (Stares out)Do you know what youre doing? Do you have any idea what youre doing to each other? (Stares)Nothing, nothing, you crummy bastards - oh yeah, nothing! (Stares out)If I came down.. if I.. jumped - jumped! - down to you - right now! - five stories down!.. why..

you wouldnt even know me - wouldnt even know me! (Stares out, starts to laugh quietly but hysterically -suddenly catches himself, stares out)

Im a stranger down there! (Stares out, pauses, slowly reaches into his shirtpocket, grabs a handful of some slips of paper,

pauses, stares at them, suddenly flings them out the

window, stares out, bellows)

In the pocket! Did you see the slip? Did you look at the number? Do you ever look at the

number?


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(Stares out, bellows)

46! 46! If its 46, thats me! Me! Im Number 46! I inspected your goddam new shirt for you!

Number 46! I saw your shirt was free from defects, free from fault! Thats what I did today -thats what I do all week! Number 46 does that for you! (Stares out)And so you! - you dont even know me! (Stares out, suddenly cocks head toward door,

freezes, a pause, turns head back to window, stares

out. Again, suddenly cocks head toward door,

freezes, a pause, slowly turns toward door, stares at

it, suddenly shouts out.)

Whos knocking? (Pauses, suddenly turns back to window, bellowsout of it)

Who is it, which one of you is it, which one of you bastards is there? (Stares out, pauses, slowly turns towards door,stares at it, slowly turns back to window, closes it,

turns and slowly walks over to door, staring at it,

pauses in front of it, slowly puts hand on doorknob -

suddenly pulls it open. Empty. He pauses, leans out

door slowly, looks one way, then the other, pauses,

slowly straightens, shuts door, turns, pauses, stares

at window, suddenly cocks head toward icebox,

freezes, slowly turns and goes over to icebox,

staring at it, pauses in front of it - suddenly pulls itopen, pauses, looks at entry door, chuckles, nods

head, slowly reaches into icebox, pulls out a can of

beer, closes icebox, slowly turns and goes over to

table, slowly sits down, pauses, stares,

unconsciously tears tab off beer can and puts it in

shirt pocket, stares, raises beer to lips, hesitates,

suddenly toasts loudly.)

On the celebration of being alone! (Makes as if to drink, pauses)No... I dont feel alone.

(Pauses)I dont feel anything - just tired, hungry.. a little cold. (Makes as if to drink, pauses)But inside? (Pauses, stares)A great hollowness.


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3 (Finally drinks long, pauses, stares, looks over at

window, stares out)

Today was a dark day.

(Stares out)Dark days, dark moods... (Stares out, suddenly shouting)Im awash with moods - I make no effort to control them: can one control the tides? (Pauses, suddenly gets up, leaving beer on table,

goes over to window, stares out, a pause)

Wriggling minnows in a bright pool.. (Stares out).. so carefree.. unknowing.. until.. stork-stab in your sides... (Stares out, raises window, city SOUNDS float into

the room, he stares out - suddenly shouting)

The common man is down there! (Stares out)I despise the common, the ordinary in me! The everyday! I curse it! (Stares out long - suddenly starts)Am I lost in a daydream? (Stares, suddenly laughs hysterically - just as

suddenly catches himself)

A daydream! God knows I have enough of those! (Stares)Daydreams! You live the ought-to-be! Right the wrong! Wrong the wicked! Kiss the pure! (Stares)Love the unlovable. (Stares)My night dreams. Beyond control. Dreams of.. isolation... (Stares long - suddenly starts, slowly goes back to

table and sits down, stares at coat, pauses, slowly

picks up and hold a sleeve, pauses)

Love... (Pauses, lets sleeve drop, stares at it).. made it all bearable.. somehow... (Stares)The girl that I love - loved - its not clear which, anymore - was much younger than I..

(Stares)A dark, mysterious girl! - who smiled and danced and pouted and sang and!.. touched me... (Stares)And yes, she loved me! (Stares)She came out from shelter - my laughing young virgin.. (Gestures at self)Two laughing virgins!


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4 (Pauses, stares at coat - suddenly grabs and holds

the sleeve)

So I thought.. so I believed!

(Pauses, staring at sleeve, at coat - suddenly sweepscoat and beer to floor, stares at coat, pauses)Theres a certain point at which your life just goes beserk... (Stares)And so I, the fool! - thought my world had rotted! - become diseased... (Stares)I with it. (Stares)There was no consolation, no solace... (Stares)No help!

(Stares)And so I suffered - suffered long! - until!.. until I thought Id found a cure... (Stares - suddenly laughs hysterically - just asuddenly catches himself)

A cure! And did I take it? (Pauses, stares)It takes you. (Pauses, stares)I had a dream last night... (Pauses, stares)I was fishing, just standing there fishing..

(Rises slowly).. when suddenly I..(Turns and faces window, stares at it)

.. hooked something...

(Stares at window, slowly moves toward it - finally

almost reaching it during the telling of the dream)

I reeled, reeled, pulling it in, pulling it in, then pulling it out from the water: a fish! It kept

flapping, flapping, its huge eyes bulging horribly, and I!.. I just wanted it off! Off! But I was

afraid to touch - afraid to grab! - that dripping black body - and pull it from the hook! I was

afraid - I was so afraid - Id rip its mouth! I grabbed a big bowie knife.. and tried to.. cut the line!

The blade seemed so sharp.. the line kept fraying, fraying.. but just wouldnt part! I sawed away

with that big knife for what seemed like hours - days! - and that fish! - he kept flopping andgasping and bulging as I cut and cut and sawed like a madman! But I couldnt - I just couldnt

sever the line! I went wild! I grabbed that black fish in my hands! He kept slipping! I pulled on

him.. with all my might! Straightaway! Pulled, pulled, and pulled! Suddenly he came off!

Cleanly! I didnt rip his mouth! He came cleanly! And I held him! In my hands, I held him!

I held him! (Looks down at hands)


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5But he felt himself freed, suddenly leaped out of my hands and dove back.. into the dark, dark

waters! (Freezes, staring at open window, a pause. Slowly.)I flit with.. suicide.. I am drawn to its flame like a blind, crippled moth... (Pauses, starts to circle window slowly)I circle, circle - again, again, returning to the mystery of its light, appearing so sudden in the

darkness - so sudden, and at first so unexpected... (Pauses, stares at window. Slowly.)Questioned.. questioned.. questioned... (Pauses)Finally believed..! (Pauses, circles window, staring at it, voice rising,

moving closer to window - an increasing tempo of

voice and movement)

A staring, circling, staring - I can feel the heat now! - singeing my drabness, antenna to ash! - mycircles grow tighter, hot flame licking brighter..! (Suddenly turns as if blinded, hands to eyes, just in

front of window, his back to it - shouts out)

Tighter and tighter, awaiting the turn..! (Freezes, his body in extreme tension, slowlylowers his hands, stares, a pause - suddenly whirls

to window, grabs the windowsill with both hands

and lunges out the window - suddenly freezes, half

out, body in extreme tension, eyes staring out -

suddenly screams out)

The pain is so constant - so terribly constant! (A pause - he suddenly breaks, staggers back fromthe window, his face in his hands, sobbing

uncontrollably... catches himself, pulls out his shirt,

wipes his eyes on his shirt, slowly turns, stares at

coat, slowly goes over to it, stares down at it,

pauses, slowly reaches down, slowly picks up coat,

tenderly brushes it off, and holding it gently, slowly

goes over to the bed, slowly and heavily sits down

on edge of bed, gently lays coat across his lap,

staring at it, a pause. He slowly speaks, staring at

coat.)Why.. (Looks up and stares out window).. why is it all so very.. frightening? (Stares out window. A pause.) CURTAIN


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On The Celebration Of Being Alone