OMG, Which voice in my head

should I listen to?A guide to gain control of your inner voice

By Glenise Anderson

Negative Self Talk

By Glenise Anderson

(c) 2013

All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any

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About Glenise Anderson There is no doubt that Glenise is a Self Confident Woman. In her lifelong quest of personal improvement, she noticed the more she learned and implemented, the more confident she became. Being committed to ‘walking her talk’ and understanding that everyone struggles at times, including herself, she has created a self-development program just for women. She wanted something accessible to every woman who wanted to develop themselves a little more - but found it a little overwhelming just trying to work out where to start! She was thinking specifically about the type of woman her knowledge and skill could assist. You know the type, the woman who is trying to do her best every single day - juggling family, relationships and jobs and then trying to squeeze in time for herself as well. Glenise felt she could package together a program, where all the hard work in researching the relevant material had already been done, it would make a busy woman’s life that much easier. As well as research, Glenise has included information from her own experiences. Glenise’s ultimate goal is to see an Empowered Woman willing to take steps, even baby ones, to improve their own lives and those of others. Glenise understands Self Confident Women come in all different shapes and sizes, live in all sorts of places and come from various backgrounds. But all have similar traits – they take responsibility for their own lives and empower others.

Welcome to the Self Confident Women eBook, OMG, Which voice in my head should I listen to?, where you will learn to gain control of your inner voice. I’m going to start off with a quote from a great little book called “Now Is the Time” by Patrick Lindsay and follow this with another quote by Siimon Reynolds. I thought it would be a nice way to ease into the topic. Now is the time to …. Control Your Little Voice Seek self-control Our real power comes from within. To develop that power to full capacity, we must have calm command of ourselves. Learn what threatens your self-control. Address it and conquer it. This is a quote by Siimon Reynolds from his book called “Why People Fail”. “There’s a killer in your home tonight. Not a killer of people, but a killer of dreams, achievement and all manner of success. This killer is invisible, yet it’s deadly work can be seen everywhere: in careers, in relationships, in people’s health and certainly in their mind. That killer is destructive thinking. Long term, I do not believe there is a single factor more detrimental to a successful life than the habit of thinking destructively. It has an incredibly adverse effect on virtually every aspect of your life. What makes it even more potent is that in our society today few people respect its monumental power. Most of us simply don’t treat how we think seriously.” Have you ever heard that little voice in your head, you know the one that criticises you or belittles your ability. It is the one that tells you ‘YOU CAN’T DO THAT’, ‘YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ or even ‘YOU’LL NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING’. But it is also the voice that you can train to say ‘I CAN DO THAT’, ‘I AM GOOD ENOUGH’ AND ‘I CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO’.

This ebook is about taking control of your negative self-talk. There is a saying that goes: Tell me and I will forget Show me & I might remember Involve me and I will understand You should ensure you practice everything you learn everyday, so that as each day blends into next, you are extremely comfortable using your new tools and not only you but everyone around you will benefit. Now my main aim for this eBook is that at the end you will be able to say “I get it, I think I can do it, and I’m willing to try it! Remember Self Confident Women are here for your success! Quote of the EBook “If you think can or you think you can’t, you’re right” - Henry Ford Recommended Reading “Little Voice Mastery – How to Win the War Between Your Ears in 30 Seconds or Less – and Have an Extraordinary Life!” by Blair Singer This paragraph is quoted from the book . . . “I’m willing to say to anybody that the only thing that stands between me and what I want, is between my right ear and my left ear. At some point, I realized the money I had made and lost, the relationships that had worked and died, and all of the success and nonsense that had happened in my life, all had one thing in common. You know what it was? Me! I know you’re thinking, “No kidding, you idiot!” But at the same time, when I came to that conclusion, it was a major revelation.

I had known it intellectually, but until I truly got it physically and emotionally, I was not in control. Then I got it. When I relate this to others, they think it’s funny and they laugh, but in fact, most people know what I mean. They’ve been through similar revelations themselves. Even so, what stops them from succeeding is their own inability to step outside of a situation and see it objectively. They’re both admiring and sympathetic to anyone else who can admit that they’ve screwed up, yet they’re scared to admit it openly about themselves. And by the way, when I say ‘screwed up’, I mean it in the best way possible. By admitting to your own shortcomings, you can recognise we all have problems…. some more ugly than others, but most of them pretty normal. The minute you can identify it and admit it, you are free to do or be what you want. At that point, you are now conscious - you are at cause, not at the effect. You are no longer victimized by your own brain.” This book is dedicated to providing you with strategies to master the little voice within your head. So what is the little voice? It is sometimes known as the internal dialogue we have with ourselves - whether negative or positive. For most people the negative self-talk controls or dominates their internal conversation. It is this negative self-talk that we have to control and we have to direct it towards positive self talk, and in turn switch on SELF-BELIEF. You may have seen a cartoon where the character has two voices that talk to them – one is characterised by an angel and the other is characterised by a little devil. This image represents the good and bad thoughts we have. But which one do we allow to dominate our thoughts? The little voice that controls our thoughts can be the most destructive thing for us because when we listen to what it says, we believe it. So we have to be very aware of what we are saying and whether what’s being said is good or bad. Our most dangerous voice is between our two ears … not necessarily the one that comes from our voice box. The only thing that stands between success and us is that little voice. I guess you can think of the little voice as the Winner or Loser inside us.

Here is a little example of the little voice’s destructive nature. Erin, a small girl of about 7 decided she wanted with all her heart to play netball. She wasn’t terribly good at catching a ball and she was quite clumsy, due to her height and lankiness. But she convinced her mum that she really wanted to play, so her mum enrolled her in the local netball team. Erin undertook the training and gave it all she had every week, but sadly she lacked the skills of a good netball player. Her coach and her team all made comments about her lack of coordination and her inability to catch the ball. Try as she might, she just wasn’t good enough in their eyes. During a match Erin was available to catch the ball and was unmarked. One of her team mates saw the she was free but threw the ball to someone else, even though they knew that person had no chance to catch it. Erin started to believe what everyone else was saying. Her little voice kept saying ‘Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not good enough’. ‘I’ve tried hard, but I just can’t do it’. She resigned herself to the fact that she would never be a star netball player like her idol, Liz Ellis. That night her younger sister asked what was wrong, and Erin started to cry. She explained that she was no good at netball and that she didn’t think she could continue to play as no one would throw her the ball. It was like she wasn’t even on the court! ‘I’m no good, and I never will be’ Erin said. Her younger sister said these words of encouragement to her ‘You can do whatever you think you can do. If you think you can’t do it, then you can’t. But I think you can and that’s why I come and watch you every weekend’. Those small words of encouragement from her sister were enough to stop her negative self-talk. She started practicing every day and built her coordination. Her sister helped with teaching her to catch the ball and her skill started to build. Before long she was ‘promoted’ to the role of Goal Shooter and she started to score some important goals. Previously she had been a fringe player, only being allowed to play Wing Defence or at best Wing Attack.

Imagine if she had given up. She would never have felt the satisfaction of achieving her goal. Will Erin ever be a player like Liz Ellis? Maybe or maybe not, but she now knows she can be the best she can be. If she wants it, perhaps she just can achieve it. Erin has taken control of her inner voice. If a girl of 7 can take control of her little voice and turn it around to claim ultimate success, so can you! I bet you can relate to that story… maybe not the netball part, but the fact that you have told yourself you can’t do it and you’ve given up. The truth is, the only person that holds you back from achieving all that you want to achieve is YOU, or rather and the little voice in your head that tells you that you can’t. The little voice can be over-powering, it can literally stop you dead in your tracks. You need to learn to control it and to teach it not to control you, unless it is going to say something positive and uplifting of course. I’m reminded of a cartoon movie that I used to love to watch as a child – it was called the Little Engine That Could. Although I didn’t know it at the time, my guess is, this was my first experience with the little voice. The Little Engine That Could was about a little steam engine that was called upon to pull a heavy train up a steep mountain after several other engines had tried and failed. Through the power of positive suggestion, it was able to get to the top, despite what everyone else was saying. It kept repeating the mantra ‘I think I can, I think I can’, over and over…. and in the end, it did. Now I want you to imagine, if that little train said “I think I can’t, I think I can’t” over and over again. What do you think might have happened? I think it never would have got to the top! Whatever we allow the little voice to say to us, with conviction and repeatedly, we then allow for that to happen. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The following are lyrics from Christina Aguilera’s song ‘The Voice Within” When there’s no one else, look inside yourself Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way

You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within Life is a journey It can take you anywhere you choose to go As long as you’re learning you’ll find all you’ll ever need to know (be strong) You’ll break it (hold on) You’ll make it (be strong) Just don’t forsake it Because no one can tell you what you can’t do No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you” Each of us possesses an inner voice that we hear every day; it either speaks positive or negative messages. Sometimes it feels as though our little voice is predominately negative, and strangely for most people it is mostly negative. It tells us things that make us doubt ourselves, depresses us and causes us to stop believing what we can do. At times it feels like there is no way to make that little voice be quiet. Unfortunately, for most of us it’s easy to fall into the habit of repeating the same negative thoughts over and over. Our little voice often tells us we are useless, a failure, we do not deserve the success we seek or even deserve to be happy. Our little voice is usually our harshest critic. The more we listen to the negativity of the little voice; the more it becomes a reality. We should be trying to train our little voice to say the positive things. We are good enough, we do deserve success and happiness and most of all WE CAN DO IT. I want you to stop reading right now and think – who controls my thoughts? Do I let the negative little voice rule my world or do I let the positive me shine? If you start your day looking in the mirror and telling yourself you look fat or awful, then this negative feeling will simply grow and cause more negative thoughts throughout the day. Before long all you hear is your negative inner voice and boy, can it make a racket!

Like it or not, the truth is, you are responsible for your inner voice, regardless of what it says. People around you might be negative or say things to you are that discouraging but they do not have the power to control your thoughts. No one can do that – the only person who can control your thoughts is YOU. You might be saying to yourself right now (yes, that little voice), what about when someone else criticises me or tells me I’m not good enough? When this happens, you might hear your little voice even louder than usual – AGREEING with what has been said but even in this example you are still fully in control of what you think. You have complete control over your negative inner voice and can learn to silence it! You can train that little voice to start saying enriching, kind and generous messages instead. Having a more positive mindset will enable you to grow as a person simply because you will see more possibilities and joy in your life. You’ll be amazed at how different life looks when it’s viewed through positive eyes. Your health will improve too. You are less likely to pick up every bout of colds and flu doing the rounds. You'll have more energy and will simply enjoy your life more. When you change your mental attitude, you change your reality. So why not start now? - write down 3 positive affirmations that you are going to use to train your little voice. It can be as simple as “I LIKE MYSELF”, or even “I AM GOOD ENOUGH” or “I CAN DO XYZ”. You are going to repeat these affirmations daily for 30 days to teach your little voice, better known as your unconscious mind, that these things are TRUE and best of all that you BELIEVE them to be TRUE. The first step in taking control of your little voice is to recognise the negative messages it is sending. Be aware of what it is saying to you and then start replacing the negative messages with positive ones. As soon as you hear the little voice start to say something negative, firmly tell it to ‘be quiet’ and then say something positive like one of your affirmations.

Let’s look at an example – Say you’re going to a job interview and your negative inner voice starts to say that you will not be successful. Stop it fast in its tracks and then state "I will get this job". Although you don’t have any control over the outcome of the job interview, you need to go into it feeling positive and willing to give it your best shot! Answer every negative statement with a positive one until your negative inner voice is successfully silenced. It can take a little time to do this at first because habits are hard to break, they say it takes 21 days to form a habit but of course it takes much longer to break or replace one. If you persevere, you will soon realise its worth the effort. According to Blair Singer, “The more conscious you become of your thoughts, the more inclined you will be to choose for your inner voice to say positive, uplifting messages for the simple reason that it makes you feel so much better.” He goes on to say “Be committed to silencing your negative inner voice and begin living a positive life. It will give you a wonderful sense of personal power and you will know without a doubt that the moment a negative thought enters your head you can successfully silence it and not allow it to control you ever again.” 3 Success Tips for Controlling Your Inner Voice 1. As soon as you hear a negative thought coming to mind - stop it. 2. Replace the negative thought with a positive one 3. Train your inner voice daily by saying positive affirmations. For example, public speaking doesn’t come naturally for me. Every time I have to get up and chat to people, I’m always a little anxious. As you could imagine my little voice thinks this is an opportunity to run wild! However, whenever it carries on about how scary it is, I just over-ride the conversation with “that little feeling in my tummy is actually excitement” because if you think about it, the feelings are pretty similar aren’t they? Anyway, that’s what works for me. Perhaps you could try it next time you have to speak in public.

According to Napoleon Hill “A positive mind finds a way it can be done. A negative mind looks for all the ways it can’t be done. Someone once said ‘There are no truths, there are only perceptions of truth’. Whether or not you accept this statement, whatever you believe to be true, will become your reality. Your unconscious mind will believe anything you tell it if you repeat the words often enough and with conviction. When you are faced with a daunting task that you’ve never attempted before, focus on the potential for success, not on the possibilities of failure. Break the job down into smaller elements and tackle each one separately. “The only difference between success and failure in any job is your attitude toward it.” I often hear people say “I should’ve, I would’ve or I could’ve” and I cringe at the sound! This kind of thinking is so negative. It keeps us focused on the past, instead of the present where we should be. When you think about it, all of these statements are statements of regret about what could have been. They can continue to bother us years after they have occurred. You might relate to this example. You’ve seen a house for sale that you love and would love to purchase. You go and look at it and decide it’s the house for you. You make an offer on it and the owner knocks it back and sells it to a higher bidder. After you realise the fact that your dream house has been sold to someone else, you say “I should’ve offered more”. Years later you might even mention to someone how you didn’t offer enough and start adding to your negative statement something along the lines of “It would’ve been worth a fortune now!” To control this kind of ‘little voice’ speech, think about what you can do NOW to change things. Don’t waste your valuable time dwelling on the past. There is a saying that goes: ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present’.

We can’t change what happened yesterday, we can only learn from it today and not make the same mistake again. Learn to banish the words ‘Should’ve, Could’ve and Would’ve’ from your vocabulary, you will thank yourself for it later. Blair Singer in his book, Little Voice Mastery, provides 21 techniques for gaining control of your inner voice. I’ve selected the ones I think are most relevant for us today. My top 7 techniques are:

1. Learn to accept success - give yourself a pat on the back when you achieve something, no matter how small that achievement may be. Be happy to be successful.

2. Learn to react in the face of fear – when you are confronting something

you fear do the following. Take a deep breath, create a fist with your hand, pump your fist and say to yourself ‘Yes!’. Mentally trick yourself into believing you’ve already achieved success, you’ll be amazed at how this works! And make sure you do it afterwards as well. We see sports people do this all the time.

3. Debrief and learn from any situation – good or bad! Ask yourself the

following questions: a. What happened? What worked? What didn’t work? b. Why? c. What did I learn? d. What did I learn about me?

4. Celebrate EVERY win - no matter how small the victory, celebrate it as if it

was your greatest triumph. The feeling you get from winning can propel you forward to even greater levels of success.

5. Learn to shift your mood quickly - when your mood starts to deteriorate,

immediately think of something that will make you happy, even something as small as a smile can drastically change your mood instantly.

6. Banish ‘Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve’ thinking. There is no point in

saying any of these statements. What you should, would or could have

done is in the past. Look to the future - what can I do NOW to make a difference?

7. Overcome the mindset ‘I can’t do it’ – because guess what YES YOU

CAN. Think of the Little Engine That Could… you can do and be anything you set your mind to. Remember the word ‘can’t’ usually doesn’t mean ‘unable to’. What it usually means is “won’t” or “don’t know how to”. Turn it into a positive. Say what can I do? instead.

Let’s undertake a little activity. I want you to think, but only very briefly, about something your negative little voice has said to you today, write that thought down. I want you to think of 2 positive things you can get your little voice to say. For the rest of today, I want you to repeat those positive thoughts, whenever some negative thought enters your head. In Summary Remember, YOU have the power to control your little voice. No one has the ability to control that for you. Once you learn to take control of it, you can make all your thoughts positive. Master the 3 Tips for Controlling Your Inner Voice

1. As soon as you hear a negative thought coming to mind – stop it. 2. Replace the negative thought with a positive one 3. Train your inner voice daily by saying positive affirmations.

Napoleon Hill said “Take possession of your own mind, and you may soon make life pay off on your own terms. Your mind is unquestionably your most valuable possession. You may lose every material thing you own, but knowledge can never be taken from you. With it, you can earn a new fortune, build a new home, and buy anything you truly desire. No one else can control your thoughts; even the cruelest tyrant cannot force you to think about something you refuse to accept.

When you make a deliberate decision to take control of your mind, and feed it positive, constructive thoughts, you are on your way to controlling your life. The thoughts you allow to dominate your mind will determine what you get from life.” What a great way to explain what controlling your little voice can do! The goal for today’s session is for you take the first step towards controlling the negative self-talk that might control you. Set yourself a goal to repeat the two positive affirmations you developed for yourself during this session. The second thing you need to do is learn and put into practice the 7 techniques for controlling your little voice:

1. Learn to accept success. 2. Learn to respond in the face of fear. 3. Debrief and learn from any situation. 4. Celebrate EVERY win. 5. Learn to shift your mood quickly. 6. Banish ‘Should’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve’ thinking. 7. Overcome the mindset ‘I can’t do it’.

Feel free to send me any questions or comments. If you haven’t already - sign up for my regular updates or follow me on Facebook and Twitter and make sure you keep an eye on Self Confident Women.com.au to see interesting and up to date articles. I’d like to leave you with one last thing to think about – “If you know your own mind, you know enough to always keep it positive.” Are YOU going to focus on the positives and talk your mind into the success you deserve to be? If you start feeding your mind with positive thoughts, then there is no doubt you will notice a huge change in your life. Because as you make the effort to say positive affirmations daily and encourage your mind to focus on what you want, you’ll find it easier to take the action required. Remember you get what you focus on.

The difference you will see immediately, in three months time and in 12 months time will be incredible. You will notice how as you accept success in your life, more and more wonderful things start happening to you. Everyone, everywhere will respond positively as you embark on your new journey into the future. Always remember – “Your life is in great hands … Your Own”