Om Swami

Saturday, 28 December 2013

You are Not Weak

Even the hard coconut can break in one blow. It doesn't mean it's weak. It's vulnerable. Should you be strong all the time? Is it possible? Be Strong — it's an expression we all have

heard countless times. Since childhood. As a child when you fall down and people don't want to

see you cry, they tell you to be strong. As an adult, anything untoward happens, they don't want

you to cry, they tell you to be strong. A caring person will understand your plight and induce

strength in you with their empathy. A weak person will convince you that you are being a

coward by not being strong, a weak person cannot have empathy, the weak one wants you to

ignore your challenges, they want you to hide your fears and concerns. Why? Because

somewhere they are scared themselves, they are afraid that seeing you like this may make them

weaker, it may expose their own emotional mess.

While I don't deny that a certain degree of strength is needed to survive the blows life can deliver

sometimes, at the same time I believe strength does not come from hiding who we are and what

we are feeling. That will only be an illusion of strength. Real strength comes from being honest

to yourself, it comes from acceptance and understanding.

Let me share with you a real-life story out of Brené Brown's I Thought It Was Just Me:

The author's mother's only sibling was killed in a violent shooting. Her grandmother couldn't

endure the death of her son. Quoting verbatim: "Having been an alcoholic most of her life, my

grandmother didn't have the emotional resources she needed to survive a traumatic loss like this.

For weeks she roamed her neighborhood, randomly asking the same people over and over if they

had heard about his death.

One day, right after my uncle’s memorial service, my mom totally broke down. I had seen her

cry once or twice, but I certainly had never seen her cry uncontrollably. My sisters and I were

afraid and crying mostly because we were so scared to see her like that. I finally told her that we

didn’t know what to do because we had never seen her 'so weak.' She looked at us and said, in a

loving yet forceful voice, 'I’m not weak. I’m stronger than you can imagine. I’m just very

vulnerable right now. If I were weak, I’d be dead.'"

Next time anyone tells you to be strong or when they say you are weak or if you feel within you

are weak, recall the story above. If you are hurt, when you're injured, there's going to be a

wound. You have to take care of the abrasion if you want it to heal quicker. When the wound is

fresh, it's susceptible to infection and deterioration. This is vulnerability. It is a phase, a

temporary state. When you experience trauma, you experience a sort of helplessness, you are not

your normal self, during this period you are vulnerable. It does not mean you are a weak

individual, it simply means you are recovering, it means you are human, it means you are

normal.

Weakness is when you believe you are what others say about you, when you go on a pity party,

when you downgrade yourself, when you start to believe you are unworthy because you are not

fulfilling someone's criteria. Just because there's a misfit, it doesn't mean you are unworthy. Just

because you want the other person and they don't want you as much, it doesn't mean you have to

change yourself so they may want you, it doesn't mean you don't deserve them. It simply means

the fit is not right here. A shoe of size seven is not unworthy of a foot of size six, it's just unfit.

Unfit does not equal unworthiness just like vulnerable is not weak. Never let anyone tag your

worth.

I'm not saying we should not work on self-improvement, I'm not recommending we should

ignore our shortcomings and limitations, I'm simply suggesting that you don't need weigh

yourself on someone else's rigged scale. If you believe you ought to work on an aspect of you, go

ahead, but only if you truly want it. Life is not a battle, you are not in a boxing ring that you have

to keep fighting and show your strength till one of the opponent's knocked out or the time runs

out. Sometimes, most of the times in fact, it's perfectly fine to take a back step, to cry, to be

yourself, to express yourself. To show your emotions does not make you weak; on the contrary it

shows you are genuine. Just because a part of your life is broken doesn't mean you are weak or

unworthy, it doesn't necessarily mean you are at fault. It could just be one of those times when

you went out without an umbrella on a clear day but it rained cats and dogs.

If there's one gift you can give to yourself, if there's one resolution you can make to transform

yourself, it could be: never let anyone ever tell you what your worth is, never let them dictate

how you see yourself. Next time someone neglects your feelings and tells you to be strong

instead, please know that he or she is not the right person to share your feelings with. You'll be

better off speaking to a mirror. Or maybe you'll get more out if you just call the customer care at

your telephone company and insist they hear you out for the next few minutes. You've been a

loyal customer for years, and the least they can do is listen to your grievance for five minutes.

Alright, I'm only joking. Not a bad way to end the year, I reckon. (Image credit: Michael Naples)

Peace.

Swami

Saturday, 21 December 2013

When They don't Love You Back

What can you do when an apple goes off? Matter of the heart is similar, love is something like that.

I wasn't planning to write on this topic today, but numerous readers emailed saying they were

waiting for my next post on what to do when your love is not reciprocated. So, here we go. At

the outset, let me say there's little you can do if you love someone but they don't love you (back).

The other person may change, they may even come around but he or she will not love you the

way you love them. I have met hundreds of couples and have responded to thousands of emails

(literally) and I'm yet to see even one such case. Yes, it's possible that two people continue to

live together amicably out of commitment or care, in fact, it's the common scenario, but, those

warm feelings they once had for each other rarely return. Why do people stop loving each other

and what can you do if you are not loved back? Read on.

There was a girl who was deeply in love with a guy. He was an angry man but he assured her

that he would change after their marriage. She believed him because she loved him and because

she wanted to believe that he would change. So, they got married. The husband became

increasingly abusive soon after their marriage. For the first year, she was still in a state of

disbelief and shock for he was doing everything opposite to what he'd promised. The second

year, she thought the situation would improve. The third year, she tried to change herself

thinking this might make them both happy and he might change too. In the fourth year, she

realized it wasn't happening and a year later, they divorced.

Battered and hurt, she decided she would never marry again. But, a few years later, she was

married to another person. This time, the guy was too sweet, unusually so. He was the other

extreme compared to the first one. Citing some obscure spiritual reasons, he avoided sleeping

with her. They were introduced by members of a religious organization, so she believed him.

Thinking at least he was providing for her and not abusive, she accepted their marriage sans

intimacy. Twenty years later, out of the blue, one day he broke down and said, "I'm sorry, but

soon after I was betrothed to you, I'd got into an affair and it went on forever." She was numb.

Her whole world wiped out.

"How long did you see her?"

"17 years."

"Why are you telling me now?" she said.

"I couldn't keep it in me anymore."

"So, what do you want?"

"I don't want a divorce," he said.

"This is ridiculous! You cheated on me for 17 years," she said. "Why did you leave her?"

"We broke up because she wanted me to leave you and I couldn't. So, she married someone

else."

"But we had nothing to share in the last 20 years."

"Yes, but I cared about you," he said.

"This is crazy. Is that why you never touched me because you loved her? Tell me the truth."

He kept quiet.

"I wish you hadn't done that," she said. "You wrecked my life. All those years, I thought I wasn't

good enough for you. I didn't know you loved someone else. I'll never forgive you for this."

They separated soon after and eventually divorced. This was a real-life story I shared without

distortion or exaggeration. An episode like this is not common but I've cited it to tell you that

when the other person is not invested in you, there's practically nothing you can do to make them

love you. It doesn't mean harmony can't be revived in relationships, but, when the damage is too

great or if the other person is not willing to work on it, there's little hope. What can you do if an

apple goes off? You can't really restore it.

When you've tried everything you can think of, and when you've given it your best shot and you

are still not loved back, at that time, you've three choices:

a. Change yourself If you have no choice, if must you stay with the person due to financial, family or other reasons,

and they don't love you back, well then, stop expecting love so you may live in peace. If you

can't move out, for your own sanity, move on. Mentally. This is not necessarily the easiest but it's

the most practical and feasible choice.

b. Change the other person

In reality, this is not even a choice because you can't change the other person unless they are

willing to change. I've listed it here for a reason though. Quoting Brené Brown, "You cannot

shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors." If you want any change in the other

person, you can't expect it by demeaning them. When they don't give you what you expect from

the relationship, you can't have it by continuously whinging about it.

c. Change the person

Often, a lot of people go for this option only to enter into another unfulfilling relationship. When

you decide the current person is no good and that you must have someone else, be very sure

you've actually and honestly done whatever you could to save the relationship. That said, if you

are in an abusive relationship, please don't blame yourself. There's no justification for abuse in a

relationship. In that case, protect yourself and move out.

"I don't know the solution," a man said to his friend complaining about his wife. "I don't know

what to do with her."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"She has the worst memory in the world."

"So, she forgets everything?"

"I wish," the man sighed. "She remembers everything, man."

Sometimes, it's just about if you are willing to forget, if you are willing to overlook, sometimes,

this is all it takes. Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina: "Happy families are all alike; every

unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Life is mostly about relationships, professional, personal, interpersonal. The first relationship

you have is with yourself. Respect and value it. Don't torture yourself. People with high self-

esteem possess one common trait: they value themselves, they value what they have to offer and

they consider themselves worthy of love. They believe it. Compassion and care is part of their

natural makeup. No doubt there are others too who have no empathy or compassion, they too

claim they are worthy of love. The difference is they do it out of their ego and not self-esteem.

Go on! do something worthwhile with your thoughts, with your time, with your life. Peace of

mind is not a blessing but a commitment, a choice. Choose carefully. If you are committed to

being happy, no one can stop you. (Image credit: Margaret Senior)

Peace.

Swami

17

In: Love, Relationships, Wisdom

Saturday, 14 December 2013

What is Love?

The puzzle of love is made up of four pieces. Which ones? Read on. Continuing from my last post, I share with you the four pillars, four constituents of love. If you

see what I mean, I promise, by the time you finish reading this post, you'll have a new

perspective on love. What is love? Just having feelings for the other person, or wanting someone

real bad is not always love; it may be, but generally it isn't. Think of love as an object for a

moment, an entity that is made up of four elements. You bring them together and love appears

miraculously. In the absence of the primary constituents, what you experience may be strong

attraction, it may be a crush, infatuation, something, anything but love. Let me start with an

anecdote:

A man comes home in the evening to see his children, still in school uniform, playing barefoot in

the street. He enters his home and finds that their school bags, their socks and shoes are lying in

the living room. A further he goes and sees the dining table littered with open bottles of peanut

butter and jam, dirty plates, bread crumbs. On his right side is the sink with a stack of dishes.

The dinner's not ready, and the whole kitchen is one big mess. Shocked and intrigued, he goes to

his bedroom and finds the bed undone, his wet towel from the morning still lying there, and his

wife, still in her night suit, reading a book.

"What happened?" he exclaimed, "the house looks as if a ghost did the rounds today."

"Oh, that," she said casually. "You know how you always say what do I do sitting at home all

day? Well, whatever it is that I do, today, I didn't do it."

In our sense of self-importance, it is easy to underestimate, even overlook, the contribution of the

other person. Your work may be different, it may even be harder but it doesn't mean it's more

important. Love is about seeing the world through the eyes of the other person. This leads me to

spell out the four factors of love. As follows:

Respect When two people are living together, there're going to be trying times, difference of opinions,

disagreements and all. But, at that time, if you choose to be respectful to the other person and not

be sarcastic or contemptuous, your relationship will remain intact. Even if you don't agree, still,

be respectful. It's worth it. Each time you shoot words of anger, every time you belittle the other

person or their contribution, if you mock them, a great blow is delivered on the delicate flower of

love. It's okay to disagree, it's even okay to have arguments sometimes, but it's not okay to shout

and it's not okay to talk down. For your own good, respect each other. When someone's self-

esteem is attacked, they'll quickly, even if temporarily, forget what all good you've done for

them. Why? Because self-esteem, self-respect, or even ego, is linked to the most innate,

fundamental human aspect of self-preservation. Respect is not limited to just respecting the other

person but their values too. They may have different beliefs than yours, a different way of

thinking, of operating. You don't necessarily have to agree, but if you wish to retain love, you've

to, at the least, respect.

Care

The second piece of the love-puzzle is care. It is love in action. You may tell someone twice a

day that you love them but the first moment they need you and you are not there for them, what

good is that love? If he or she's sick and you don't even give them medication, if they are scared

or nervous and you make no attempt to soothe them, if you can't make them feel good about

themselves, if you can't comfort or brace the other person, what good is that love? Care in words

is important but care in actions is far more important. It doesn't just stop at paying the bills, it's

about repaying the other person. Every word, every gesture of care fosters love. What do you do

with the things you love, be it cars, gadgets or accessories? You take care, right? Therefore, what

would you do if you really loved someone? You do the math.

Compassion I once read, "Nobody is perfect. And, I'm Nobody!" This is how many people live. They know

they are not perfect but they believe and behave as if their word is the gospel. Compassion is

about being kind towards the other person and their mistakes and not holding them hostage to

your own self-perceived sense of superiority or perfection. Sometimes, when you don't agree

with them, or when you can't understand their perspective, can you, at least, adopt a

compassionate view and let it go? Forever justifying our thoughts, acts, and emotions, we are

often compassionate towards our own mistakes. But, it is having compassion for the other person

that heals love. I'm hurt but I'll let it go says forgiveness. I'm sorry you had to do this, says

compassion. Forgiveness sympathizes, compassion empathizes. And love? Love synthesizes the

two.

Appreciation The fourth and the final ingredient of love is appreciation. From a five year old to a ninety-five

year old, appreciation makes the other person feel valued, it makes them feel loved, important.

No one wants to be unhappy. Whenever you see good in the other person, express it, appreciate it

and they'll automatically want to do more good. You don't have to do it artificially, you just have

to look at their positive side. Everyone could do with a bit of appreciation. In a relationship, two

people, day-in-day-out do numerous things that could be appreciated but the lack of the first

three elements make them oblivious to the good the other person is doing.

After being married for fourteen years, a man applies for a divorce.

"On what grounds do you seek divorce?" the magistrate said.

"Your Honor, my wife has absolutely no table manners. She's a disgrace at social dinners."

"You've been together for fourteen years, and now, suddenly her table manners is an issue?"

"Yes, Your Honor, because only last month I read a book on manners and etiquette. She has

none of them, I observed after finishing the book."

As we grow and gain new perspectives, as our priorities change, often we want the other person

to change as well. The other person, however, is going through his own set of lessons. Just

because now you know more or know different doesn't make the other person unworthy or unfit

for your love.

Mostly when people say do you love me, what they are really saying is: "Do you want me? Like

really want me, more than anything or anyone else in the world." It is then followed by an

assumption: "So, if you want me, I'm sure you'll do everything possible to keep me happy, to

take care of me. Forever." Often, love is confused for an emotion, for madly wanting someone or

being wanted badly by the other person. It may be a form of love but it's often not sustainable.

The truth is, in real life, this type of love only happens for a short time, and then people enter

into a relationship. Once living, loving and seeing each other becomes part of the routine, they

start to ignore one or all of the four elements above and as that happens, love withers away

before long.

Lasting love is always mutual. You can't love someone out of pity or obligation, it won't last. At

the initial stages, love is a strong feeling and then a strong desire. Thereafter, it is an act, not the

act of making love but the act of loving, it requires some effort from both sides.

Next time you tell someone you love them, ask yourself if you respect them, care about them, if

you are compassionate and appreciative towards them. Yes? Now ask yourself if your actions

show it too. Yes? It is love. And do you want them too? Yes? Big Bonus. Companionship, joy,

togetherness, a sense of peace and security automatically find place in a loving environment.

Love adds up.

And what if they don't love you back still? For another day. (Image credit: Bella Puzzles)

Peace.

Swami

33

In: Life, Love, Relationships

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Love or Attachment

On the tree of life are the cages of desires holding captive the birds of attachments. Love roams freely. "What is unconditional love?" someone asked me the other day. "How do I love someone

unconditionally?" In this post and the next, I'll write a bit about love and how I see it. Although,

in the past I've written on this subject here, here and elsewhere, yet, allow me to further elucidate

this topic. "What does it even mean when we say I love you?" I asked a group of people. "It

means we have feelings for the other person," one answered. But what does having feelings

mean? Before I write about unconditional love or even just love, it would help to distinguish

between love and attachment. Here's a little story for you:

A man, the quiet type, was sitting with his friends in a local inn. After he had a couple of drinks,

he opened up a bit and said to his friends, "Do you love me?"

"Of course, we do," said his friends, "that's why we are here together."

"So, do you know what I need?"

No one answered.

"If you don't know what I need then how can you say you love me?"

This says it all. Love is about understanding what the other person needs and not what you think

they should need. This is the key difference between love and attachment. The former is about

finding yourself in the happiness of the other person, whereas the latter is about feeling happy to

have the other person your way. We can't say we love someone unless we find out what do they

actually need and make an attempt to give them that. Attachment is like buying a golden cage for

the bird you love, feeding it the finest food, it is wanting to keep that bird within your sight, and

love is opening the cage and setting it free. Granted, the problem arises when the bird says I want

to eat your food and I want to rest in your cage but I want to fly free at my leisure and will. Well,

welcome to the world of relationships. Strange but real.

Attachment says you are mine and love says I am yours. Love is not worried about exclusivity, it

is about peace, it is about happiness whereas attachment is just another term for possessiveness,

and not just possessiveness but exclusive possessiveness at that. Attachment says what I have

from you, no one else should have it. I'm not labeling it as right or wrong, nor am I suggesting

that a relationship, notably marriage, cannot have a mutual framework, in fact, it must. I'm

simply stating that attachment is about instructions and rules whereas love is about inspiration

and care.

Of course, I've given you the ideal definition but this is not an ideal world. So, in our world, love

is generally no more than a claim and mostly it has attachment, possessiveness and desire rolled

into one. Love says I don't want to hurt you, attachment says I don't want to lose you. See the

difference.

"I hate pasta. I don't want to see pasta ever again," a husband said to his wife.

"How can I ever understand what you want?" screamed his missus. "On Monday you liked pasta,

on Tuesday you loved it, on Wednesday you ate it, on Thursday you liked it, on Friday you had it

and suddenly on Saturday, you tell me you hate pasta. You're unbelievable."

If you want your love to bloom, keep the freshness alive. Freedom fuels freshness. Love is about

understanding, attachment is about enforcing. One is about setting free and the other holding on.

Falling in love may be an instant act, but seeing it through is a slow, steady, careful and a

delicate process. Falling in love is the easy bit, wanting someone more than anything else in the

world is not something out of the ordinary either. After all, you want them because "you" like

them, and therefore, you want to have them, so you try hard to make yourself wanted by the

other person. When that doesn't happen, you try to hold on to the other person hoping one day

they may start wanting you as intensely as you desire them. This is attachment. Sad though it

may sound, but if they don't want you now, they won't want you later either.

You want to be loved by someone else because you haven't yet learned to love yourself, you

haven't yet ignited the fire in you, you have tried offering yourself to many in the past but it

hasn't worked. It hasn't worked because you are not offering yourself to you, you are not living

your own life, you are not focusing on you, instead, you are living to be a part of someone else's

life, to be the focus of other person. You deserve better.

Why is it so hard to love without attachment? Because you are trying to look upon love as an

independent emotion. The truth is, it is anything but independent. In the next post, I'll write about

the four pillars of love and will also touch upon what to do when you love someone but they

don't love you back. (Image credit: Chrissy Dwyer)

Peace.

Swami

21

In: Life, Love, Wisdom

Saturday, 30 November 2013

Dealing with Stress

Stressful thoughts can be like the giant elephant in a tight space. Too big to ignore. Tether them outside. Our world can be an overwhelming place sometimes. We have made it a little too complicated, a

bit too fast. Everything needs to be done yesterday. As if days, weeks and months were not

enough, we started measuring efficiency in hours, minutes and seconds. Why does it need to be

this way? It has added to our stress directly affecting our physical and emotional well-being.

There's no switch you can flick to suddenly change the world. In fact, there's no button you can

press to bring an instant change in you either. But, you can reflect on your life, your journey,

your priorities and determine your own pace. Pace that you are comfortable with, a pace that

gives you breathing space. It is said that once the chief engineer of Porsche Automobiles

excitedly approached Dr. Ferry Porsche, the CEO of the company, saying he had designed the

world's best car.

"How's that?" said Dr. Porsche.

"Because, it has the fastest acceleration ever known to the world."

"That doesn't make it the best car. Come back to me when your car can stop as fast as it can

accelerate. Going fast is good, stopping faster even better."

It could easily be one's guiding principle: am I going at the right pace? Can I stop when I need

to? I can go faster but do I want to go faster? So long as you are comfortable with your speed, the

world can go at its own pace. It's when we try to match our speed with others do we lose track of

our own. But wouldn't you be out of place if you didn't go along with the world? Not quite, for,

they are trying to match your pace. By slowing down, I don't mean that you let go of the

discipline or ambition, nor do I mean that you take a break and go on a world tour (unless you

want to). No, putting your feet up is not slowing down either. Instead, being aware of what you

are pursuing and why it matters to you is mostly what's required to make sound choices, that's

slowing down, it's living in the present — the antidote to stress.

When you live mindfully, you naturally start to live in the present moment. And living in the

present is the basis of inner peace. It truly is. I am reminded of a story:

In a small village was a happy home. The man of the house wasn't a rich merchant or a landlord

but a simple iron smith who had the same challenges as any other householder. What intrigued

his neighbors the most was never an argument was heard inside his home. He would come home,

pray to a tree outside his home by grabbing one of its branches, and moments later the neighbors

would hear him playing with his children, they would hear them laugh. No matter how stressed

he looked, every time he touched the branch before entering his house, he would light up as if he

was a different man now. Many neighbors even planted the same tree in their homes, imitated

him but their circumstances didn't change. One day, they could resist it no longer.

"How come you are always happy at home?" they said. "We never hear you argue, you don't

even make enough money. You become happy and radiant when you touch that tree. Please tell

us the secret of the tree."

He laughed huskily. "The tree has no secret," he said. "You see, before entering my home, I grab

one of the branches and hang a bag, an imaginary bag of all my daily problems. I never forget

that I was outside the whole day so I could be happy inside my home. I make it a point to not

carry my external problems to my home. So, every evening, I just hang the bag outside and I

walk in light and happy. But, that's not all, every morning I take the bag back to my shop."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, I still have to deal with those issues. But what's interesting is I always find my bag lighter

in the morning. Most of the problems just disappear in the dark of the night."

Why do you go outside and work? So you can have a comfortable, a peaceful living at home,

right? Granted that sometimes life can be complicated at home too, but you can still leave

outside problems outside. This is living in the present. In most cases, aren't human desires of

gaining more, building more, having more are directly influenced by what we observe outside?

Further, those ambitions and desires prohibit you to enjoy your meals, your time, with your loved

ones. When you want to spend quality time with your partner, you end up thinking about work or

what all you could or should have. And, at work, you want to excel so you can be more for

yourself and your family, but when the time comes to be more with your family, thoughts of the

work ruin those beautiful moments.

Can you get away, though? Yes. Write down your priorities and review them regularly. People

will drain you out emotionally, stress at work will remain high, you will continue to hear bad

news on the TV, the deterioration in the world will appear eternal, inflation will not come down,

but, in all this, if you want to be at peace, you will have to pay attention to yourself and your

thoughts. In your living space, in your life space, in your mind, there should be a corner, a place

where you are strict about what and who gains entry. Insulate yourself. It's an art. Stress is not an

emotion but a response. It is what you've chosen to deal with any issue.

Just because we have something doesn't mean we have to carry it around. Learn to know when to

park your baggage. Offload what grieves you. We don't feel stress, we choose it. (Image credit: LG Infinia)

Peace.

Swami

22

In: Self Help, Wisdom

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Do You have Faith?

What is faith? How does a rose bloom? Read the story.

Does faith have any scientific, or even reasonable basis? And if you truly have faith then how

come worries of the future still grip you? Personally, I believe, if you want your faith to be firm

then put aside any logic. And if you want your rational mind to be firm then put aside faith.

When we try to induce reasoning in faith, we end up polluting them both. Faith just is, God just

is, Nature just is, belief just is. "Why" yields no answer when it comes to faith. Surely, we can fit

explanations and theories but they don't solve any purpose beyond a temporary stimulus. Are the

stories in the Torah, Quran, Bible or Bhagavatam true? The question is does it matter to you?

Faith is mostly based on what we have already taken to be true, and rarely on the actual truth

itself.

When faith runs deep in your being, surrender to the Divine comes automatically. Inner peace is

a natural by-product of surrender. A child feels secure in his mother's arms because he knows

that she'll protect him. It's not an intellectual idea but an ingrained belief the child has. And, it is

this subtle differentiation between believing you've faith and actually having it that makes all the

difference to your inner peace.

I'm paraphrasing a beautiful story for you. I tried hard but couldn't locate the source of the poem

cited verbatim in this anecdote.

A man, worried and paranoid, asked his enlightened master if everything would be alright in the

future. "I know I should have faith but I can't get around to let go. I'm still worried. What if

things don't go the way they should? Negative thoughts render me unable to enjoy my life. What

if God doesn't take care of me?" he said to his master.

The master took a rosebud, gave it to the disciple, and said, "Your task is to unfold the bud

keeping all the petals intact."

The disciple carefully began unlayering the rosebud. Soon, however, he realized it was not

possible to unfold it without damaging the petals. "It's not as simple as it looked. I'm sorry but at

least some petals will be damaged," he said to his master.

In reply, the master took the rosebud from him and said:

It is only a tiny rosebud,

A flower of God’s design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

God opens this flower so sweetly,

Then in my hands they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

This flower of God’s design,

Then how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine?

So I’ll trust in God for leading

each moment of my day.

I will look to God for His guidance

each step of the way.

The pathway that lies before me,

Only God knows.

I’ll trust Him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

"How much can you plan, after all? And how much do you want to plan?" the master continued.

"Why do you want to keep everything in your hands? It's tiring. Learn to let go. Who took care

of you when you were in the womb? Who fed you when you didn't even know how to speak?

Who provided for you when you were too young to earn your own living? If you examine, you'll

find there was always someone there, a medium Nature had already chosen for you. Sometimes

letting go is simply reminding yourself that I've done whatever I could and now I must free

myself from the outcome or the worry."

Faith is designed to give you the confidence, the courage to lead your life with grace and

conviction. It doesn't mean we can just confess and be done with our bad karma, rather, we

should have the strength to do the right karma at the first place. I don't think God will manifest to

pay off your mortgage, your loans — karmic or financial, or to help you shed or gain weight. We

must take responsibility of our own lives. We are the result of our desires, choices and pursuits.

Allow me to deviate from conventional wisdom by saying that faith, with all its paraphernalia

and practices, is for inner strength and not to please an external God. I don't want to please a

heavenly being and beg for favors in this life or hereafter, instead, I would give this life my best

shot and let Nature take its own course. After all, if I truly have faith, shouldn't I know that God

or Nature's way is impartial?

Napoleon once said, "When you fight, fight as if everything depends on you. And when you

pray, pray as if everything depends on God." This is faith in a nutshell.

Faith is supposed to complement, and not replace, our actions. Ultimately, we are responsible for

the choices we make. Wake up with faith in yourself and go to sleep with faith in God. (Image credit: Irina Sztukowski)

Peace.

Swami

33

In: Faith, Wisdom

Saturday, 16 November 2013

The Voice of Intuition

When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Read the story. Be it regarding your own endeavors, plans or ideas, there is something inexplicable about the

first impression — it is often the voice of our intuition, our latent intelligence. I am not referring

to forming first impressions about the people you meet. Such impressions are mostly stereotypes

and often they are not even correct. It is mostly in our hands to bring the best or the worst out of

the other person. Yes, there are numerous examples to the contrary too. My focus today is on the

importance of first impressions on everything but people. Let me begin with a little story:

On the outskirts of a village, next to the woods, close to a well of clean water, was a tree laden

with shining, inviting and luscious red berries. The berries were poisonous and dopey though and

anyone who consumed them would go unconscious for hours. From a close proximity to the

majestic tree, a notorious group of bandits kept a constant watch for the unsuspecting travelers.

Most tourists would stop by, eat the berries and lose consciousness giving the plunderers the

perfect opportunity.

One day, a group of young merchants headed by an old and wise leader had to pass through the

village for the first time. They were returning home after a successful business trip across the

seas. They were traveling in two groups, one following the other by a lag of a few hundred

meters. Presently, the first group came close to the tree and at a distance they heard children

playing. The group suggested to take a break and rest for a while. They were only too eager to

pluck the berries and enjoy them. Their old chief, however, forbade them. He advised the place

was not safe to rest either. He asked a young merchant to wait for the second group to convey the

same. He insisted it was best to keep moving.

The second group came to the tree and their first reaction at seeing the berries was just as human.

The appointed merchant, already waiting for them, passed on the message from the old man. The

group deliberated and concluded the chief was being paranoid. They made a stop, eased

themselves and rested there. Ignoring his advice, they vigorously shook the tree and a number of

berries fell down. They began devouring them and before they knew, they were lying there

unconscious. Meanwhile, the first group had found a place in the village and made a pit stop. The

old leader was now worried for the second group had still not caught up with them. Fearing the

worst, they quickly went back to the tree to see their fellow merchants stripped off their

possessions. Their gold chains, rings, their money pouches, their horses, even their turbans and

coats, everything was gone.

A physician was fetched from the village to revive them.

"How did you know," a young merchant said to the chief, "that this was an unsafe spot?"

"There's a well of fresh water. The children could be heard playing from here. A populous

village is close by. It's impossible for a tree to remain fruit-laden in a public place as this. These

signs made it abundantly clear that the berries were not fit for consumption," he said. "You see,

when something seems too good to be true, it generally is. This is what life has taught me."

Instinct has a short and soft voice. When you hear of a deal, proposal, idea, organization,

offering that sounds too good to be true, learn to follow your instinct at that time. This is the

inner voice. This is intuition. If you follow the trail it leaves behind, you are far more likely to

come to an original conclusion. I'm not suggesting you become an eternal skeptic, but at the

same time you must learn to trust your inner voice.

While you cogitate, others will tell you how you are being boring, pedantic, paranoid, overly

cautious, closed and all that. It's human nature that they want you to buy into the same idea they

believe to be true, but that doesn't mean they are right or even well-informed. When something

sounds unreal, it may well be not only unreal but unrealistic too. Any path worth treading

generally doesn't have the luxury of shortcuts. Just like you learn any language or any new skill,

you can learn to listen to your intuition as well. It only speaks once, does so softly and is

spontaneous.

Learn to trust yourself. In fact, you are just about the only one you can trust. You are your

greatest well-wisher, you never have a hidden agenda when you are dealing with yourself. You

may as well capitalize on these traits and unlock yourself. Your intuition is your higher source

within you. (Image credit: Louise Mead)

Peace.

Swami

9

In: Life, Wisdom

Saturday, 9 November 2013

How to Make Someone Happy

Making someone happy is like lighting a candle. You don't lose a thing and the light increases. When we make someone happy, the same part in our brain is activated as it does when we do

something for our own happiness. This is not philosophy but neuroscience. I'm not surprised

though; the joy of giving far exceeds any other I've ever known. Charity begins at home, they

say. A happy environment at home is comparable to heaven on earth. In my occupation, I get to

meet many people from all walks of life. Often though I have observed a rather strange behavior

among many couples. They rejoice in the company of people outside the four walls but are

irritated with the ones at home. I have seen a tenuous frown appear even at the mention of their

partner. They tell me they are tired of trying to please the other person and that they couldn't be

bothered anymore. This feeling — I couldn't be bothered — is a definitive sign of downfall in

most relationships. Earlier, if they made any attempt in bringing joy to the other person, now,

they have thrown the baby out with the bathwater (after drinking most of it).

I admit it can be quite difficult to make certain people happy. There too, I have an observation:

when you just can't make the other person happy no matter what you do or how hard you try,

chances are you are no longer on their play-field. Mentally, they may have given you the red

card. They have decided not to source their happiness from you. If you speak to them asking

what do they really expect from you and they are not being reasonable, you will never be able to

make them happy, not for long anyway. In that case, if you have a choice, move on. And if you

don't have a choice — seek a peaceful refuge within.

A man got married to the woman of his dreams. He was head over heels for her and couldn't

believe his luck when she agreed to marry him. After their engagement and before the actual

wedding, every night he thought about her. He had no doubts that theirs was going to be the most

loving, functional and finest married life ever known to the mankind. His fiancée had a high

opinion of herself. (When you believe you are better or superior than your partner — you can

forget about happy marriage.) They got married with great fanfare. His wife loved eggs for

breakfast. So, when they were away on their honeymoon, the husband made poached eggs for

her in the morning.

"These aren't done right," she said scornfully.

The man felt bad that he couldn't please his wife and made even greater effort the following

morning.

"Oh, I can't eat poached eggs everyday, y'know." She refused to eat them today.

He made scrambled eggs the next morning.

"It's okay but too fatty. Just boiled eggs with salt and pepper would have been better."

The next morning, to give her a choice, he brought out two dishes: a plate of scrambled eggs and

two boiled eggs. He was certain that today she would be happy.

"What's this? You boiled the wrong egg," she screamed.

You know where this marriage is headed. Should I tell you the easiest way to make the other

person happy? No, it's not flowers, things, gifts; they play a part but there is something even

more important. The easiest way to make someone happy is to appreciate them. When you make

the other person feel that you understand they are trying, that, you appreciate what they are doing

for you and for the relationship, this right away boosts their self-esteem and morale. When you

make an effort to appreciate, you directly gain from it as well. How? You actually start to see

their efforts. Let's face it, it is not an easy world out there. When you say, thank you for

everything you are doing, or, you've cooked a tasty meal, or, I know you are working very hard,

or, I can imagine how you must get so tired by the end of the day, and so on, each such utterance

brings you closer, it strengthens the relationship, it fosters love and understanding.

Once, a woman, a master cook, was asked that her husband must love her food and what did he

usually say when he savored the delicacies she cooked on a daily basis?

"He only speaks about food when something's amiss or if he doesn't like it," she said. "So, when

he's quiet, I know he's enjoying it."

"Initially, I would ask him if he liked my cooking but it irked him so I stopped asking," she

added.

Sadly, this is not a joke. I've quoted a real incident. To the waiter we don't know, we say

smilingly how delicious the food is, we tip, we appreciate, but to the one who's closer to you,

every courtesy is withdrawn. See the disparity?

When you make it a point to appreciate, the newness never fades away. And when something

remains new, you never get bored of it. And when you don't get bored, you never take it for

granted. And when you don't take the other person for granted, your relationship can never

wither away. Yes, never. It'll continue to blossom and spread fragrance. Appreciation is gratitude

in action. (Image credit: Alexandoria)

Be grateful.

Note: I'm pleased to announce that after contemplating on it for two years, I've decided to

complete the temple project at the ashram. I welcome you to be a part of this divine initiative.

You can read more about it here.

Peace.

Swami

20

In: Marriage, Relationships

Saturday, 2 November 2013

A Random Act of Kindness

The question of my bread is a material question, my neighbor's bread is a spiritual question. ~Nikolai Berdyaev

Nikolai Berdyaev was a Russian thinker and existentialist. He once said, "The question of my

bread is a material question but the question of my neighbor's bread is a spiritual question." This

is kindness in a nutshell. Compassion may just be limited to a feeling, it is a form of empathy, a

sort of acceptance but kindness is compassion accompanied with a gesture of giving.

An unexpected gift at an unexpected time given to an unexpected (or even unsuspecting) person

with no expectations in return is a random act of kindness, a kind gesture for someone who is not

expecting it from you. You do it because your heart is open. Our heart has a peculiar property: it

can operate in both states — open and closed. Open heart is naturally kind, compassionate and

joyous. Closed heart blocks all positive emotions. It does not mean the person is certain to be

negative or unsuccessful. On the contrary, a person with a closed heart can be quite headstrong,

they may be successful in their careers and positive about their material endeavors. But, their

heart remains closed towards understanding, appreciating and expressing love and pain (of

others).

Until you can understand the pain of the other person, your heart remains closed for any

kindness, it remains blindly focused on your own agenda. The saddest part of a closed heart is

that you only realize it was closed when it opens. Those with closed heart, unable to perform

random or planned acts of kindness, don't even know their heart is closed like the frog in the well

that doesn't know a sea exists outside. It is when the door of your heart opens a bit, even a little

bit, you experience a whole new world of peace and bliss. I once read somewhere, "On the

gateway of my heart I wrote, 'No thoroughfare.' Love came in passing by and said, 'I enter

everywhere.'" And when love comes, it never comes alone — it brings a ton of virtues in tow. It

is impossible to be kind without being loving; you be one and you become the other

automatically.

There was a rich man once who mocked and scoffed the beggars. Anytime any beggar

approached him for alms, he would chastise and cuss them saying that they had fit bodies, they

were well-built, they were young and that they ought to work and not beg. This went on for a

while until one day when God appeared and said, "Listen up, you. If you don't have the heart to

give, that's fine but at least don't condemn what I gave them."

This is another way of being kind, it's not the best, but it's second best, that is, don't be unkind. If

you can't or don't want to give for any reason whatsoever, that may just be fine but at least don't

stop others or pollute your own mind and speech by being negative about it. A random act of

kindness needn't always be a material offering. Even a word of encouragement, a compliment, a

helping-hand could be equally, if not more, profound.

When you regularly do random acts of kindness, one day, something amazing happens — Nature

chooses you as the subject for its random act of kindness. Such kind acts are always happening in

the Universe, at every moment, to millions out there. Even rains, breeze, snowfall, sunshine,

flora and fauna, origination, sustenance — these are Cosmic acts of kindness.

A man used to give a beggar twenty dollars every month. He had been doing it for years. Once

he did not pay the beggar and told him that he was sorry because he had to use the money to buy

a bouquet for his wife.

"What?" the beggar said, "you spent my money on her?"

Just because we have something doesn't mean it's ours. No one is an owner in our universe,

everyone is a medium, a custodian at the most. Whatever you share, it grows — this is the

fundamental law of the universe. You share rage, anger grows in you. You share love, love

grows in you. You share contempt, hatred grows in you. You share knowledge, wisdom grows in

you. You share your time, peace grows in you. You share what you have, and you grow as a

person.

Make random acts a regular affair and Nature will reciprocate in kind. (Image credit: Wetcanvas)

Peace.

Swami

14

In: Life, Wisdom

Saturday, 26 October 2013

The Two Realizations

There's nothing called a free lunch. You've to work towards what you want, you have to earn it.

To survive, thrive and live gracefully in this world, we need a bit of both worldly and spiritual

wisdom. Just having worldly wisdom may help you acquire material wealth and fame, but it

doesn't mean you'll have peace and bliss. And having spiritual wisdom alone may mean you

know right from wrong, moral from immoral, but it doesn't guarantee a materially comfortable

life. With the objective to help you understand my perspective, allow me to classify wisdom into

two categories: spiritual and worldly. In this post, I'll sum up, in one sentence each, the essence

of such wisdom. These are the two ultimate realizations, the finest guiding principles. So, what

are they?

I once read an anecdote in Jewish Wisdom by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin. As follows:

Nobel Prize-winning economist Milton Friedman served as an advisor to the late Israeli Prime

Minister Menachem Begin. He once addressed the Knesset, the unicameral parliament of Israel.

Soon after his speech was over, a Knesset member approached him and said, "In the Talmud,

Hillel summarized Judaism in one sentence: 'What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor:

this is the whole Torah. The rest is commentary.' Could you summarize economics in one

sentence?"

"Yes," replied Friedman. "There is no such thing as a free lunch."

Witty. There is probably not a crisper way to condense the spiritual and worldly wisdom in two

sentences. The essence of all religions, at the core of spirituality, is not the understanding of

rituals or recitation of scriptures but the realization that we have a duty of care towards our

fellow human beings and other living entities. You may believe you are politically, financially,

emotionally or intellectually independent, you remain part of a grand system, a minuscule entity

in Nature's apparatus, a tiny one, a spare part.

Our actions have repercussions on us and those around us. It is not enough, much less fulfilling,

to live just for yourself. It is obscene, in fact. If you believe in God, any god, if you wish to

experience the greatest bliss, if you aim to understand your religion, if self-realization sounds

worthwhile then please know that meditation, devotion, wisdom are merely means, they are

simply tools. The greatest realization is the understanding that by serving His creation, you are

serving Him. And if you don't believe in God, you can rephrase: by serving others you are

serving yourself. Don't do to others what you don't want done to you, or, in other words, do to

others what you want done to you. This is the greatest spiritual principle, the ultimate insight.

The greatest worldly wisdom in one sentence: there's no such thing as a free lunch. There's a

price for everything. Everything has a cost. People, relationships, organizations are held together

by the thread of self-interest. It doesn't mean everyone is selfish, it's just that like biological

necessities, everyone has emotional needs too. Just like you feel good when your desires are

fulfilled or expectations are met, they do too. Any pursuit costs you something. It may be money,

time, energy, health, any of these, all of these. As long as you approach your ambition with that

awareness, so long as you understand the price you are paying and are willing to pay it, you are

good. Price is just another term for consequence. If you are willing to accept the consequences of

the choices you make, you know what you are doing then. Everything comes at a price doesn't

mean everything has a price; some are priceless. Know the difference.

A couple stopped by a scenic lookout point while on a road-trip. It was a high vista overlooking

the rocky beaches. The husband was afraid of heights while the wife was bit more fearless. She

kept going towards the edge while he forbade her.

"If you can't resist going to the edge," he said, "hand me the sandwiches then."

It's funny and it sounds unreal but the truth is more frequently than we realize, many around us

choose sandwiches over their loved ones. Those could be sandwiches of desires, things,

ambition, money and what have you. Once again, it's a matter of choice and every choice we

make is followed by its consequence. There are no free choices, just like there's no free lunch. I

must state that by no free choices, I don't mean there's no free will. One for another time.

Anything you wish to acquire comes at a certain price. Shop carefully. Mindfully. Heedfully. (Image credit: Wilhelm Kuhnert)

Peace.

Swami

15

In: Self realization, Wisdom

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Listening to Nature

On your path, Nature always gives you cues. It pays to pay attention to them. How? Read the story. Everyone is born with some talent. It generally happens to be in the field one is passionate about.

For most though, unfortunately, their talents remain hidden, unused. If you absolutely love to do

something, you automatically excel in it. As you succeed, your motivation to do more and to do

better builds on its own. Whatever effort you put in anything, never goes waste. Skills in one

area can offer you benefit in another, however unrelated those two fields may be.

When you are clear about what you really want from your life and commit to a discipline of

conduct and action towards it, the Providence arranges for "coincidences", it puts you in the right

place at the right time. I am reminded of a little story:

Once upon a time, a traveler got lost in a vast desert. In anticipation of what might happen if he

never found his way, he panicked and frantically tried to find a way out, to reach any township.

A whole day passed, he ran out of provisions. Evening set in and he slept on the sand, under the

open sky. The next morning he resumed his journey with no water or food. As he ranged the

desert with no end in sight, he became increasingly nervous. All sorts of thoughts began buzzing

in his head.

Soon the sun was shining high and bright. His pace slowed down significantly in that extreme

heat and fatigue. He was thirsty, he was hungry, his lips were dry, his mouth parched, and his

body tired. Another day passed. Nearly. He was losing hope, strength and time. Just then, at a

distance, he saw what he thought was a camp. He experienced a surge of energy. His eyes lit up,

though he remained nervous. And a camp indeed it was. A temporary shop. His joy knew no

bounds even though his body was giving up. He asked the owner if he could get water. The man

said he had no water but he was selling kufiya, an Arabian headdress, a sort of cap. He tried to

sell a headdress and even offered a discount. "You'll need it," he said. Our traveler got furious

and yelled at his insolent and insensitive behavior that rather than offering water to the one who

was dying from hunger and thirst, he was forcing him to buy some hat instead.

The seller pointed north and said, "Five miles from here there's a serai." and went about his

business. Somehow, with great difficulty, he managed to walk five miles and exactly as the man

had indicated, there was a lodge. "Do you serve food as well here?" he asked the man guarding

the door.

"Yes."

"Praise the Lord!" the traveler could not contain his joy, "it's not my time to die yet."

But when he tried to enter, he was stopped by the guard.

"What's the matter? I have money!"

"I'm sorry but I can't let you enter without a headdress! Five miles from here there's a seller. You

can buy one from there and come back."

You know where I am going with this? Often on our path, Nature gives us clues, it arranges

things for us but one is often blind-sided by one's own expectations, misconceptions and

misplaced emotions. You know the goal, you may know the path, you may even be aware of the

milestones. This is not the complete picture still. You are going to meet other people on your

way, however unusual your track may be. You may look upon them as your opponents or allies.

They may be selling what you don't want, they may be giving what you don't like, the truth is

they are there for a reason, Nature has placed them strategically.

Nature teaches quietly. It does not speak the same language as us. If you pay attention, the cues

start to make sense. When you are quieter inside, you hear it better. It will amaze you with the

knowledge and insight it has for you. Only if you choose to pause and listen. Listening to nature

starts by listening to yourself. There is a lot of noise inside. If you stop, if you contemplate, the

internal noise starts to filter out, the winds of negativity and pessimism die down. Your true

nature shines in its full glory, you gain insight, inner strength and clarity. You begin to

understand Nature.

Listen to yourself. Be free, be fearless. (Image credit: Ric Nagualero)

Peace.

Swami

20

In: Wisdom

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Do Dreams Mean Anything?

Am I the butterfly dreaming I'm Chuang Tzu or the other way around? Read the story.

Do dreams mean anything? We are a bi-mundial species — we live in two worlds, a real world

and an imaginary world. It may seem that we spend all our time in the real world but this feeling

is an illusion in itself. The time we spend in our thoughts of the past or the future is the time we

spend in the imaginary world. How come? Because there is no direct handle on the reality of

such thoughts; past is dead and future, mostly unknown. Vedic texts divide states of

consciousness into three categories, namely, jagrata, wakeful, svapna, dreaming, and sushupta,

sleeping. There are two more states, turiya and turiyatita, for transcendental and beyond, but

they are outside the scope of this post.

On the surface, the distinction seems clear that you are awake when in the wakeful state, while

sleeping you are in the sleeping state and other times in your sleep you may be dreaming. Upon

closer examination though a deeper truth is revealed — these states, at times, are interchangeable

and simultaneous. You could be in the sleeping state even when wide awake. Most people are in

fact living their lives like clockwork, they are sleeping. Thoughts and actions in the dreaming

state can easily trigger physical response in the real world. People can get wet, sweaty and scared

in their dreams, for example.

Allow me to quote Chuang Tzu from a text also called Chuang Tzu, a classical Taoist treatise.

He was a phenomenal Chinese thinker who graced our planet in the fourth century B.C.E..

Quoting him verbatim from a translated text:

"Those who dream of the banquet may weep the next morning, and those who dream of weeping

may go out to hunt after dawn. When we dream we do not know that we are dreaming. In our

dreams we may even interpret our dreams. Only after we are awake do we know that we have

dreamed. But there comes a great awakening, and then we know that life is a great dream. But

the stupid think they are awake all the time and believe they know it distinctly.

"Once I, Chuang Tzu, dreamed I was a butterfly and was happy as a butterfly. I was conscious

that I was quite pleased with myself, but I did not know that I was Tzu. Suddenly I awoke, and

there was I, visibly Tzu. I do not know whether it was Tzu dreaming that he was a butterfly or

the butterfly dreaming that he was Tzu. Between Tzu and the butterfly there must be some

distinction. This is called the transformation of things."

So, what are dreams? Dreams represent a world no less real than our physical world, a world that

is free of the calculations and interpretations of the conscious mind. It is a world of the

subconscious and the unconscious. The primary difference between our real world and the dream

world is consciousness; the real world is made up of collective consciousness whereas the dream

world is solely created by individual consciousness. In the real world, someone else's actions,

words can bring changes in our world, for example, a terrorist attack, a war, domestic violence

etc., this is what I mean by collective consciousness in the current context, but your dream world

is entirely your own. It is never without you, you can never have a dream with you not in it. You

experience and witness it in absolute terms. Just like our real world is an amalgamation of our

thoughts, emotions, actions, surroundings and so forth, our dream world has all these elements

too. There is a degree of interchangeability in the real and dreaming world. Sometimes what you

dream comes true and other times what you see in the real world is played back to you in your

dreams. In dreams, your ego is lying low, the conscious mind is not calculating, as a result, you

live an un-lived life, you experience a free world, you transcend taboos, you are not afraid to be

yourself. Dreams can heal you. They can also signify something very important. Read on.

When you get a similar type of dream repeatedly, it often means you are repressing something in

real life. All feelings and emotions must either be channelized or expressed. Whatever you

repress will bottle-up in you. The more restless you are, the more disturbing the dreams. The

greater the repression, lesser the quality of your sleep. You repeatedly dream of what you deny.

Let this sink in: you repeatedly dream of what you deny. If you have paranoia in the real life and

you are not working towards your own fulfillment, freedom and fearlessness, you will have more

nightmares than pleasant dreams. Whatever you strongly desire or fear but are unable to express,

acquire or experience in the real life ultimately manifests in the dream.

Just like you can create objects in the real world, you can create your dreams too. You can use

that method to heal yourself and to do much more. It's on my mind to write on lucid dreaming

both from a contemporary and yogic perspective. Cognizant dreaming can be healing,

empowering and liberating. Even more powerful than self-hypnotism, it's a phenomenal way of

training and experiencing the subconscious mind. It's not a promise, but hopefully I shall find the

time to write on it in the foreseeable future.

Do not suppress yourself. Express. Experience. Rather than dreaming about your life, go claim

your life of dreams. Live it. Sleeping is good but living is better. (Image credit: Shasta Eone)

Peace.

Swami

6

In: Wisdom

Saturday, 5 October 2013

A Life of Lies

This world is a stampede. If you don't fit in, you are either pushed or crushed. Realization is stepping aside. Mentally.

Once upon a time there was a king. Full of vanity and pride, he had an obsession for fine clothes

and ornaments. He once announced a reward of one million gold coins to the one who could give

him the most extraordinary piece of clothing. Many weavers, tailors and stylists approached him

and showed all sorts of apparels — some were studded with precious gems and stones, many had

threads of gold, some had extraordinary design but the king was unimpressed. Two swindlers,

presenting themselves as weavers from a distant kingdom, bragged about their unearthly sartorial

talent.

"We can stitch for you the most remarkable and unimaginable suit that no one else in the world

has ever had," they said.

This got king's attention. "What's so special about this suit?"

"Your Majesty, only those who are truthful in their lives and faithful to you will see this dress.

Anyone who is dumb or unfit for their position will not see it."

"Wow! Is that really possible?"

"Yes, Your Excellency, but we have two conditions," they said, "first, we alone will dress you in

private and secondly, we want two million gold coins in return because it's only once in our

lifetime that we can make an outfit like this."

"Granted!" the king said excitedly.

"We'll require three weeks to make it." And they took king's leave.

"Organize a royal parade in three weeks from now," he ordered his courtiers, "I want my subjects

to see the most expensive and extraordinary dress in the world. Announce it in the state so

everyone can be there to see it."

Exact three weeks later, they came back for an audience with the king. They were holding a bag

made from the finest silk. The king took them to his private chamber. He took his clothes off to

wear the new outfit. The two charlatans pretended to take out an invisible cloak from their bag

and portrayed as if they were clothing the king. Half an hour later, they told him they were done.

The king took them back to the royal court where they announced features of the dress and asked

loudly if all could see it. The courtiers sang glories of the king and the wonderful suit he was

wearing. No one wanted to look stupid, unfaithful or unfit, so they agreed with the fake weavers

that the suit indeed was the most impressive they had ever seen.

The king bade the swindlers good-bye with a cartload of gold coins and proceeded with the royal

parade. The subjects, like the courtiers, were aghast to see the king stark naked but they dared

not utter a word. There was a young child in the crowd though, too young to be diplomatic; he

shouted, "Where's the suit? The emperor is naked. He's not wearing anything!"

Others also gained some confidence and started muttering. Before long, everyone was saying out

loud. The king realized the truth but continued with the royal procession for he didn't want to

look foolish by admitting his mistake.

This story by Hans Christian Andersen so beautifully highlights the greatest truth of our world,

that is, the society expects you to lie if you are to fit in. In the name of conforming to norms, you

are expected to be diplomatic. Being diplomatic is not just about being tactful, instead, most of

the time, it is about tactfully, tastefully, coating the truth with the flavor the listener desires. If a

personal acquaintance calls you saying he wants to meet you but you don't feel like, you are

expected to make up some excuse. You are not allowed to say, "I don't want to see you." It is

somewhat obligatory to lie in the name of being polite. You are more likely to say something

like, "Oh, I would love to but I've a commitment elsewhere." and so forth. The funny thing is the

other person knows you are not stating the truth but this is what they are happy to hear as

opposed to the real truth.

Aba rahīma muśkila paṛī, gāṛhē dō'ū kāma, Sān cē sē tō jaga nahīṁ jhūṭhē milē nā rāma. Oh what a dilemma, says the Sufi saint Raheem, with truth I lose the world and by lying I lose

God!

Most people are not living a life but a lie, a blatant lie. While it may not be possible to be

brutally truthful at all times, it is feasible to lead a truthful life. Overall. If you pay attention, you

will find that half the lies are not needed. Each time you lie, you place upon yourself a subtle

burden. I have made it a point in my life to not lie. This has cost me dear as my truths frequently

put off many people but I still believe that a life tweaked by truth is better than the one enlivened

by lies. It's a price I am willing to pay. Does it even matter if thousands, hundreds or none know

me or like or dislike me. No, it doesn't. My life isn't affected by how others perceive me, neither

is yours if you see what I mean. This world is like a stampede. People are going crazy. When you

don't step out, you are either pushed if you accept or crushed if you resist. Quietude is stepping

out of such crowd, it is stepping aside. This is self-realization. It is mostly in pointless

conversations, useless gossips, that people lie automatically. Some people speak lies, many live

lies, some even believe in their own lies; these folks may be materially rich, socially wanted,

intellectually evolved, but they mostly remain insecure and restless. By the way, I hope you are

not confusing truth for morality. Truth is neither moral nor immoral. Truth just is. Morality or

immorality is your interpretation of the truth. Living the truth is simply accepting your actions

and intentions and speaking the truth is stating the way you understand them. If there's no

contradiction in your actions and your statements, you are practicing the truth. And, if your

thoughts, actions and words are in harmony, you are living the truth.

Truth, next to only compassion and love, is the only thing I know that unfailingly gives its

adopter strength and peace. (Image credit: Tom Lea)

Peace.

Swami

32

In: Life, Self realization, Wisdom

Saturday, 28 September 2013

The Most Fundamental Human Desire

Feeling loved is like sitting next to a calm ocean. It's inexplicable. You become an ocean yourself. You feel complete.

What is the most basic human desire, the one that sits at the core of humanism and humanity, the

most fundamental human need, the one that can make or break your world, the one emotion that

makes all the difference between feeling priceless and worthless?

Based on my own observation and interactions with a large number of people over the years, I

have come to understand that underneath all reactions and above all emotions, lies a potent

desire, it's elementary, it's causal, it's atomic, you can't break it down any further — it's the desire

to feel loved. The desire to be loved back, to be adored, appreciated, to be recognized, to be

accepted by someone, the desire to just belong somewhere, to someone is one of the strongest.

People fall out, they grow out, they may even loathe the very people they had once loved, it

happens especially when they don't feel wanted the same way they did at the beginning. Nothing

hurts more than neglect. Neglecting doesn't only mean someone ignores you, this is only one

form of neglect. When you are not accepted for who you are, when you are not appreciated for

your efforts, when you are not loved for what you are, that is neglect too. And that hurts. Let me

share with you a real-life story my lawyer told me thirteen years ago.

It happened in 1985. A seventy year old man from Serbia migrated to Australia. Let's call him

Pavle. His three sons were already living there, they had been there for more than a couple of

decades. They sponsored their father under the family visa category. Pavle was a widower.

Things were not glorious for him in Serbia. He'd lived a hard life, felt lonely and longed to be

with his sons. It was a close-knit family and he had waited over six years to get his permanent

residency.

Upon his arrival in Australia, his three sons received him at the airport. Things were well in the

beginning but soon his sons felt they couldn't be bothered feeding their father or offering him

shelter. He only needed a place in a home, in his sons' hearts, and a square meal, but his sons

now saw him as a burden. They started neglecting him. Over the next two years, he felt more and

more unwanted, rejected, unloved, even hated by his sons. He didn't speak English, so there was

nobody on the streets or in the park he could converse with.

Pavle adopted a rather peculiar behavior; he would stand next to a pedestrian crossing, wait for

the traffic to approach and as soon as the cars came nearer, he would start crossing the road

halting the traffic. Ordinarily, any car would have no issues in stopping because it was a

pedestrian crossing after all. In this case, however, Pavle was doing it every day, all day. He

would get to the other side of the road and then wait for more cars to cross the road again. It

caused great inconvenience. Eventually, the cops issued him a ticket for misconduct and

obstruction of traffic. He simply ignored the ticket. Multiple tickets later, he had to appear in the

court and face the charges.

"It's an unusual case," the judge said. "Your medical history shows nothing is wrong with you

yet you repeatedly exhibited mindless and dangerous behavior on the road. You are pleading

guilty too. I am at my wit's end. What do you've in defence?"

"Human," Pavle responded, "I felt human."

"Human? The court has no time for riddles. Be clear."

With the help of his son who acted as an interpreter Pavle continued: "Your Honour, I felt loved.

It felt great to see that someone finally saw me as a human being. I felt a strange joy to see

someone stop for me. I felt I was not just an obnoxious weed waiting to be pulled out but that I

was part of the crop a farmer couldn't wait to harvest. The dignity and respect I felt when cars

stopped for me made up for all the loss of respect I experienced my whole life. I felt valued. It

was worthwhile. I recognize that I caused much trouble and I regret it. I promise I won't repeat

it."

The judge spoke warmly yet firmly, "Australia is a free nation with utmost respect for every

individual on this young soil. You're asked to be mindful of your future actions so others may

enjoy the same privilege. My court grants you pardon. The case is dismissed."

Pavle's son broke down in the court after hearing his father. They both hugged each other in the

corridor just outside and cried to their heart's content. Pavle began receiving old age pension

soon after he got his Australian citizenship and he remained there till his last breath. Happy

ending.

Not all sons realize though and some do it a little too late, not all Pavles are redeemed, not all

endings are happy. Plus, how does it matter anyway what the ending is like? Who cares whether

one is buried or cremated, whether the world remembers or forgets you after you are gone? It's

the journey that's important. For, it's the nature and quality of your journey that has a direct

impact on you and those around you. This post is not about sons and fathers, it's just about being

human.

To feel loved is not a privilege but a basic human necessity. It is rudimentary. Unfortunately, in

our world today, most are deprived of love. It's often a futile exercise to keep searching for love

or to keep wanting it from someone else. Therefore, if you are not being loved by someone else,

learn to love yourself. It takes a while to get to that state — to be in love with yourself, selflessly.

Until then, give your love to others, to those who want it. And then one day you will find

yourself gazing deep into the soothing light of transformation, you will discover yourself in a

deep ocean of bliss as your heart will overflow with warmth and love washing away all the pain

and hurt life put you through. When you adopt compassion and serve His creation, the

providence arranges for exactly what is lacking in your life. Lacking — not as you may define it

but as in what you may need.

Go on! Express your love. Make someone feel special. For, you won't understand what's feeling

loved like unless you make someone feel loved. (Image credit: Anna Foley)

Peace.

Swami

17

In: Love, Relationships, Wisdom

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Independence

The sky remains independent of the colors and clouds in it. It returns to its natural state — blue. So can you.

Where do you go when you want answers? Answers to such questions as what is right or wrong,

how am I looking, how am I performing, what is good or bad, even what is moral versus

immoral, am I on the right track, will God hate me if I do this or that? What if you could source

answers from within? Must someone else validate our opinions? It is normal to feel comforted

with external affirmations. We feel reassured when others confirm our own beliefs. But it need

not be this way. If you want and if you are willing to work towards it, you can transcend others'

opinions and affirmations. And what does working towards it entail, you may ask? There are two

things that will lead you to that exalted state, first, self-contemplation, and two, inner strength.

Self-Contemplation

Self-contemplation is the art of understanding yourself better, it is knowing why and how you do

whatever you do. We all have motivations behind our actions, most of the time that motivation

lives in the subconscious. Self-contemplation helps you bring it to the forefront. In the words of

Ralph Ellison:

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

Who can know you better than you? You alone know your innermost thoughts, your actions,

your intentions. The more you understand yourself, the closer you get to your primordial source

of strength and divinity. No doubt it requires a certain degree of inner strength and that leads to

the second attribute. Read on.

Inner Strength

The sole purpose of my writings is to help you better understand yourself, transform yourself, be

yourself. It is all about you that I am concerned with. What do you need to do in order to build

that impeccable and undying inner strength? There are pages and pages of my own words I could

write on it, hundreds of verses I could quote from various religious texts, instead, I am choosing

to share with you a poem by the famous British writer and poet, Rudyard Kipling. The poem is

aptly titled If.

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream — and not make dreams your master; If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same:. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word about your loss: If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And — which is more — you'll be a Man, my son!

Living a mindful life, whenever you are gripped by anger, paranoia, insecurity, at that moment, if

you can remind yourself of the promises you made to yourself, if you can focus on the code of

conduct you have set for yourself, you are well on your way to be a superman (or superwoman)

of your inner world. Without having to do hours and hours of meditation, without the support of

some grand theory, without subjugation to any religious authority, you would gain exceptional

freedom of thought. You will become independent. Independent of their opinions, affirmations,

treatment, conduct.

Independent, it means you are only Dependent on what is In you. (Image credit: Wallpapers)

Peace.

Swami

10

In: Mental Transformation, Wisdom

© 2011-2014 Om Swami.