Off University - Episode 0103 - Kelsey

8/13/2019 Off University - Episode 0103 - Kelsey

1/23

"Off University" - Episode 0103 - "Kelsey"

By

UF NBS Presents...ChomPics Productions


2/23

EXT. DOCK IN MIDDLE OF FIELD-SUNSET, DREAM SEQUENCE

Kelsey is at the end of the dock. A shirtless man approachesher as she stares off into the sunset. He grabs her; sheturns around.

KELSEY(dramatically)I thought I lost you forever.

RAMONMy heart will always find its wayto you, querida.

KELSEYOh, Ramon!

RAMON(Grabs her close,

dramatically, with a Spanishaccent)

Your skin smells of hickory smokedbacon.

KELSEYWhat?

RAMON(sniffs her neck, heavybreathing)

INT. PRESENT, MESSY BEDROOM-DAY

Kelsey wakes up with a furrowed brow from her odd dream. Sherolls over to the other side only to be met with Groverlaying down next to her, staring directly at her with aplate of breakfast.

GROVER(batting his eyelashes, heavybreathing)

Good morning, gorgeous.

KELSEY(startled, falling out of bedgrabs belongings scattered onthe floor)

AHHH! Uhh...I have...to

GROVER(confused, showing her theplate)

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


3/23

CONTINUED: 2.

GROVER (contd)I made you...are you okay?

KELSEY(flustered)

IM FINE! Just dont...touch me.

GROVER(apologetic)

I...uh, okay.

CAMERA FOCUSES ON BLOUSE ON FLOOR, KELSEY PICKING IT UP ANDLOOKING AT IT. (JUST SO THAT ITS SIGNIFICANCE ISESTABLISHED)

Kelsey storms out. Grover, visibly hurt, takes a bite ofsome bacon as Kelsey leaves. Kelsey stumbles to put herheels on while shoving a wine-stained blouse into her bagoutside of Grovers house. She stares at the stain then

looks at the shirt she is wearing. Its Grovers.

KELSEY(looking at shirt)

Shit.(Bleep out for effect)

Kelsey is walking down the street. She receives a text. Itsfrom the group. Everyone has been asking where she is. Sheslate to the filming of Johnathans bilingual politicalwebseries, "Callate y Aprender con Johnathan"(Shut Up andLearn with Johnathan). She reads her phone then starts tospeed walk/jog.

INT. PRESENT, SET OF JOHNATHANS SHOW

People are setting up cameras, lighting, and the set.Johnathan is completely stressed and having a diva meltdown.

JOHNATHANThis lighting is off. The camerashould be in THAT corner. THIS ismy good side! Sah Kah She Fah RahPah. Kah She Fah Rah Wah Kah. SheFah Rah Baj Kah. Rapido corren loscarros del ferrocarril.

Johnathan does other gibberish sounds, cracks knuckles andinhales deeply. Joahn, his sister, approaches with a cup inhand and interrupts him.

(CONTINUED)


4/23

CONTINUED: 3.

JOAHN(hesitant, gets cut off)

Heres the...

JOHNATHAN(grabs cup, takes a sip then

spits it back into cup)I HATE boba tea!

JOAHNBut you asked for...

JOHNATHANNo, I said you were "una boba."Ugh, nevermind. (thinking) Callabuela for her tres leche recipe.Oh and her flan! Thatd be so goodright now.

JOAHN(thinking, scared)

But why do...

JOHNATHANJesus Joahn! Its not a real showunless theres craft service.Youre supposed to be the one withthe smart genes!

Johnathan rolls his eyes and leaves Joahn standing alone. Hewalks towards Mia and Codi. They are making cue cards.

JOHNATHANYoure still not done with thosecards? Mija, its a 10 minutewebseries where the guests do halfthe talking. We still need to sweepthe set! And my jacket de-linted!GO!

CODIWell, maybe if Kelsey werehere...

MIA(playfully, rolling rs)

Yeah, back from her date conGroverrr.

Kelsey walks in completely flustered. Codi notices herbefore everyone else.

(CONTINUED)


5/23

CONTINUED: 4.

CODIBOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW.

Kelsey gives Codi the death stare to kill all death stares.

MIA

(looking at the shirt,smirking)Oh...my...god. Did I misssomething??

JOHNATHANOkay, ladies, seriously. We stilldont have these cards and hasanyone heard from Lisa? Can weplease make sure she doesnt rollup in here lookin like she wasfarted out of a Ke$ha video?

Girls look at Johnathan dumbfounded.

JOHNATHAN(eyeing Kelseys shirt)

...Did no one call Lisa? DammitKelsey, you had one job! And notthe one you were paid for lastnight. You know I need this LatinoLeaders Scholarship! Thiswebseries is for me and my people!Do you hate hispanics? Are youracist?!

MIA(grabbing Kelsey)

Alright, Alright. Were on it.Vamonos muchacha.

Mia and Kelsey walk away leaving Codi to finish the cards.The cards should be drawings/webdings, not words.

MIASo, whats with the shirt? Are youa woman now?

KELSEYI cant even.

MIA(bumping into Kelseysshoulder, smiling)

Come on girl, its just us.

(CONTINUED)


6/23

CONTINUED: 5.

KELSEY(sighing)

Last night is honestly a blur. Ithink I repressed everything afterthe auction.

MIARetrace your hickey marks, like ahotter Memento.

KELSEY(slowly thinking)

...What? There werent any Mentos.Oh! There was a fort...nowait--baby food...er,powder...(gasp) that dry-glueskined, mole-faced jealous gnome!NIKKI!

MIAWait, what?

KELSEYThe auction. Nikki tried to psychme out before I went up. Sheprobably put a spell on me, thatbitter witch. The whole thing was amess from the start.

INT. FLASHBACK--THE AUCTION

Kelsey is practicing different smiles and gestures offlattery in her compact mirror as she cakes her face withmore makeup. She places the compact down and is met withNikki staring right at her.

(POV of Kelsey looking into compact. so we see herreflection. That way when she puts it down, Nikkis face isright up in the camera)

KELSEY(gasps, feigning fear)

Oh, its just your eyebrows.

NIKKI(sarcastic)

Funny. Maybe Ill get them done atthe same place that did yourhair. Right before my way to myfourth date with Ramon, of course.

(beat)

(CONTINUED)


7/23

CONTINUED: 6.

Tell me, how long did it take youto realize that gray isnt the newblack?

KELSEY(rolling neck)

Exc--

MIC PERSON(interrupting)

Kelsey, youre on.

KELSEY(smiling, to Nikki)

Excuse me, its time for thepresident to embrace her people.Now, run back into whatever holesecretaries hide in and note what areal winner looks like.

NIKKIOR I could just ask Ramon. He hit ahome run with me last night.

Kelsey, visibly upset and taken aback by Nikki and Ramon,storms toward the stage. As Kelsey passes by, she drops hercompact on the floor creating a plume of smoke and gettingmakeup all over Nikkis shoes. She walks onto the stage bythe person with the microphone.

MIC PERSON(with a lisp?)

And our next auctionee is Kelthsey.

She is the prethithent of SigmaEpsilon Chi and was the one whocame up with tonights event, Datesfor Dayna--our thither whodethperathely needths ourdonathionths for denthalreconsturction after lasths weekstragic kayaking retreat.

Crowd applause.

CUT to Dayna shows her bandaged face with cotton balls inher mouth, waving to everyone.

CUT to Codi and Mia.

CODI(to Mia, whispering)

Wait, I thought she was in "WeirdE," "Normal E," "X"?

(CONTINUED)


8/23

CONTINUED: 7.

MIC PERSONLets start the prethithent off at$20, do I hear 25?

MIA25!

MIC PERSON25, 25, do I hear 30?

BRYCE(apathetically)

30.

MIC PERSON30! Do I hear...

CODI(in a coat, sunglasses, with a

deep voice/accent)EIGHTY-FIVE DOLL-HAIRS.

MIC PERSON(looking at Codi and a bitconfused)

Um, do I hear...

GROVER200 and a 1st Edition CharizardHologram Showdowless card!

Mia and Codi look at each other bemused. Johnathan

obnoxiously laughs out loud after looking back at who said200, supporting himself on Bryce. Nikki drools her drink outof her mouth in shock, spilling some on her shoes andruining them again. Dayna squeals in excitement, spittingout the cotton balls in her map. Kelsey looks happy thenterrified after seeing its Grover but tries to hide it witha tense smile.

MIC PERSONOh wow! Dayna can get porthelaindenthures now! 200 going onthce,twithce... sold to the genthlemanin the cat shirt.

CODI(upset she lost the auctionand mirroring what Kelsey isthinking)

NOOOOOOO!!!!


9/23

8.

Kelsey still has her same tense smile as Grover runs to thestage and stands next to her to pose for a photo. The sceneends with a flash from the camera.


A flash from Johnathan messing with the lighting in thedistance blares Kelsey right in the eyes. She shakes herhead in disgust, and shaking off the memory from theauction. She and Mia are still together, doing something forthe show.

MIA(laughing)

Codi is still pissed that she lost.But isnt it nice to know thatyoure worth $200 and a Pokemancard?

KELSEY(morose)

I had this idea in my head of howit would go down...I guess Im morepathetic than I thought.

MIAHey, dont talk like that! Hemustve swept you off your feetsomehow.

KELSEY

(chuckling)Heh, maybe...wait, FEET!

MIA(confused)

Wait, what?

INT. FLASHBACK--GROVERS HOUSE

Grover and Kelsey are walking up to his house. He goes toopen the door for her.

GROVERBoy, do I have something specialplanned for you.

KELSEYDoes it involve a cooler withenough alcohol to drown myself in?

(CONTINUED)


10/23

CONTINUED: 9.

GROVERYou betcha!

KELSEYWell at least theres that.

They enter the house. The room is decorated with romanticflowers, mood lighting, etc. In the middle of the room is atable for two set up. ANGUS is standing next to the table,dressed in black and white, like a waiter. He walks up toKELSEY.

ANGUSGood evening, milady. May I takeyour coat?

Angus takes Kelseys coat then puts a robe on Grover.

KELSEY

(Looks at them both)Are you for real?

GROVERGotta be comfortable for my speciallady friend.

KELSEY(mocking Grover)

Wheres the special drinks?

GROVEROh, Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey. So

young, so naive. You havent beenexposed to the luxury of finedining yet. Garcon! Bring us thefresh wine of the day.

Angus brings in a bottle and pours a glass for Kelsey. Shebarely waits for him to finish and reaches for the glass.

Kelsey chugs the wine.

GROVERGlad youre enjoying the wine. Itsan original from the Chteau deGrrrover.

KELSEY(with a red mustashe)

Mhm.

(CONTINUED)


11/23

CONTINUED: 10.

GROVERYeah, I stomped the grapesmeh-self.

KELSEY(putting the glass down,

gulping)Wait, what?

GROVER(placing his red-stained barefoot on table, loud thump)

Yeah, I mean the secret is reallyto get in there with your toes.They say the rougher your feet are,the more traction you get.

KELSEYWHAT THE FOOT??


MIA(laughing hysterically, inbetween breaths)

I should be shocked but Im not.

KELSEY(holding in laughter)

Its not funny!...It wasnt thatbad actually.

MIA(chuckling)

And with that, lets go grab somelunch. (beat) Maybe you can getsome corn with your wine.

The girls get up from the task they were doing.

The camera follows them and stops as they pass by Codi,Bryce, Johnathan, and Joahn.

JOHNATHAN(yelling to Mia and Kelsey)

Were not even close to being done,ladies!

Mia and Kelsey ignore Johnathan. Johnathan looks back toCodi, Bryce, and Joahn.

(CONTINUED)


12/23

CONTINUED: 11.

JOHNATHANUgh, they dont understand thegravity of their role in this show.Were barely on schedule.

CODI

I dont even know what this isabout.

JOHNATHAN(silent, looks at Codi)

Its about the future. Its aboutmy people and the severe impactthey have on this nation. Itsabout immigration reform and howthose...those...republicansand...and liberals are trying torip apart the spirits ofminorities. BUT WE WILL PREVAIL.

Viva la raza!

JOAHNI always thought it was aboutgiving a voice to the voiceless.

BRYCE(smiling)

I like that.

Everyone nods in agreement with Bryce and Joahn.

CUT quickly to Johnathan.

JOHNATHANDAMMIT JOAHN, did I ask you?!

JOAHNSorry, I just...

JOHNATHAN...you were just going to get thetres leche cake and flan?

Joahn bows her head and quickly walks off.

CODI(aside, to Bryce)

Wait, I thought he was Asian?

BRYCENo, hes from Miami.

(CONTINUED)


13/23

CONTINUED: 12.

CODI(screaming, grabs Johnathan,runs off)

ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOUARE!

Codi runs off. Bryce and Johnathan are left alone.

JOHNATHAN(smiling)

I really appreciate you coming tohelp...you know, for the cause andall.

BRYCEYeah, man, no problem. You guys areout-there but I dig it.

JOHNATHAN

(giggles)I dig you too.

Silence from the both of them.

BRYCEHey, so, whats your sisters name?

JOHNATHANJoahn.

BRYCEYeah, thats what I thought. Joan.

JOHNATHANNo, Joahn.

BRYCEYeah. Joan.

JOHNATHANYoure saying it weird. Its Joahn.

BRYCE(defensive)

I think I know how to say Joan,Jonathan.

JOHNATHAN(defensive)

Johnathan, its Joahn.

(CONTINUED)


14/23


15/23

CONTINUED: 14.

JOHNATHAN(breathing in deeply, eyesclosed)

...Someone hold me back because tevoy a matar y mandar a la (jumpstowards Kelsey) mier...

BRYCE(grabbing Johnathan)

Woah!

MIA(getting in between Kelsey andJohnathan)

Jesus, cool it Chris Brown! We canfigure this out!

KELSEY(frantically, grabbing her

phone)Im sorry, okay! Ill...Ill fixthis, I promise. Just let me callher now.

Bryce lets go of Johnathans shoulders and Mia steps aside.Johnathan puts Bryces hands back on his shoulders.

JOHNATHAN(upset, looks at watch)

Its 5:30. Shes probably deep in acoke-fuled afternoon nap right now.Forget it. Ill just transfer to

the community college back home andwork for the county clerks office.(sigh) DMV here I come.

CODI(hanging up phone)

Chill out, I made a few calls. Igot a guy. Hes a collector of somerare, foreign artifacts. Hespecializes in race relations andbattle. Youre gonna get a ton ofviews, man.

JOHNATHAN(skeptical)

What the hell. Youre my only hope.This better not be weird, Codi.

Joahn walks in with trays of food.

(CONTINUED)


16/23

CONTINUED: 15.

JOAHN(out of breath)

I got the cake, but Abuela said theflan has to sit over ni...

JOHNATHANSooo basically you wasted every

ones time?

JOAHNLook, you dont have to talk to melike tha...

JOHNATHAN(obnoxiously mocking her)

Oh, Im sorry. Is thiskindergarden? Do I have to playnice? Should I grab you a blanketand some cookies? Because youreacting like you CANT HANDLE LIFE

RIGHT NOW, JOAHN!

The camera should zoom in on Joahns face for a long time asa single tear falls from her eye, dramatically.

MIAThis is awkward...

BRYCEJoahn, dont worry about it. Imsure whatever you brought isdelicious. Johnathan is just workedup.

JOHNATHAN(looking at Bryce, trying toact nice to Joahn)

Bryce, youre too sweet. But okay,fine, Im sooooorry, sis.

JOAHNIts okay. I just...

Codi runs up to the group and interrupts.

CODIHell be here any minute!

JOHNATHANPerfect. Lets get in our placeseveryone.

Kelsey and Mia stand behind the camera.

(CONTINUED)


17/23

CONTINUED: 16.

MIAI know Johnathan really needs thisscholarship but the guy needs torespirar. Poor girl is gettingverbally abused.

KELSEY

Yeah, like, hola como estas. Imsurprised she hasnt gone all KillBill on him. Wheres mister miyagiwhen you need him?

MIAYouve seen Kill Bill?...and mistermiyagi is from The Karate Kid....

KELSEYYeah, remember when I was seeingthat guy Trent? He made me watchboth parts with him in one night.

He had, like a blood fetish. Hehigh-fived me for being o-positive.

MIAI think Codi was afraid of him.

The girls laugh. Codi runs past Mia and Kelsey to meet withJohnathan. The girls look up.

CODI(to Johnathan)

Hes here! You owe me some of yourgrandmas flem you were talkin

about earlier.

JOHNATHAN(laughing)

You mean flan?

CODINo.

JOHNATHAN(giving up on Codi, to Kelsey)

At least SOMEONE here can do whattheyre told.

KELSEYJohnathan, shut up. Youre makingme feel terrible. This day cantget any worse.

Grover approaches the group.

(CONTINUED)


18/23

CONTINUED: 17.

GROVERHey, guys. Im ready for thisinterview thingy.

KELSEYWhat the hell are you doing here?

GROVERCodi called me about the show. So Ibrought my Pokemon cards.

KELSEY AND JOHNATHANWhat?!

Kelsey and Johnathan exchange glances.

JOHNATHAN(sighing)

Whatever. Itll have to do. Ill be

over there.

KELSEYGrover, just leave. Stop followingme. Stop looking at me. Stoptalking to my friends. Just stop!Get out of my life!

GROVER(taken aback, nearlywhispering)

But, Kelsey...

KELSEYGO!

Grover walks away (cue in Charlie Brown music) and sits nextto Johnathan. The cameras begin to roll and Grover attemptsto hide his sadness by acting like the typical goofy andawkward Grover. Kelsey, with a stern face and arms crossed,watches Grover and Johnathan laugh and enjoy theirconversation. She stares at Grover and actually begins toloosen up. Her arms fall to her side.


GROVERSo after he told me I had some ofthe best hair hes cut, I find outits Bill Clintons barber. Whoalso trims John Travoltas hairplugs. So my hair is basicallyfamous.

(CONTINUED)


19/23

CONTINUED: 18.

Kelsey, staring at the bottle of footwine, pours herselfanother glass.

GROVERWell, I see the thirst is real.

KELSEY

(gulping)...This footwine is the only thingmaking whatever this is bearable.

GROVERThis can be whatever you want it tobe. Lets go make some dessertupstairs.

KELSEY(taking another sip)

Okay, thats enough. Why are youlike this?

GROVERWhat do you mean?

KELSEYLike a creep. Like I feel like Ishould carry pepper spray and macewhen Im around you.

GROVER(sitting up in his seat)

I thought you liked that...

KELSEYHow would anyone like that? Who doyou think I am?

GROVERI think youre great. I just seethat you go for those guys. Frat-y,muscle-y cool guys.

KELSEYYou dont know me or what I like.

GROVERI just wanted to impress you.

KELSEYImpress me? The guy who just keepstalking and talking about yourfamous hair and gross wine? Yeah,that guy is really gonna impressme.

(CONTINUED)


20/23

CONTINUED: 19.

GROVER...I just wanted to be your guy.

KELSEY(puts glass down and looks atGrover)

That was really...

GROVERYeah, I know, lame. Sorry.

KELSEYNo, that was really sweet.

Grover smiles.

A silence is shared between the two.

GROVER

(chuckling, breaking silence)Im, uh, really sorry about...this.

KELSEY(giggling)

Yeah, its...its kind of a hotmess.

Both giggle and are silent for a few seconds, looking downthen back up at each other.

KELSEYSo, what would the real Grover do

now?


Kelsey is watching the interview still. She squints her eyesa bit and smirks, recalling the night before and theflashback that was just shown. Bryce walks up and standsnext to Kelsey.

BRYCE(chuckling at the interview)

Hes a pretty chill dude.

KELSEY(looking at Grover)

Yeah. I think youre right.


21/23

20.


Montage sequence begins.

Scene 1: Kelsey and Grover are standing on the couch, cupsin their hands. Grover salutes and yells something. Kelsey

jumps, vogues, then drinks from her cup. The two run inopposite directions, out of frame. (Or to actors discretion.Just have fun and make up game)

Scene 2: Both are dancing really weird, on their own.(Actors discretion)

Scene 3: Building a fort, playing around with each other andtossing pillows/sheets/cushions/anything at each other.

Montage ends.

Kelsey and Grover are now sitting in or next to their

make-shift fort. They both have cups in their hands. Theyrewatching a movie.

KELSEY(laughing)

This movie is awesome.

GROVERYeah, I love Breakin 2: ElectricBoogaloo.

KELSEY(laughing, spills wine on

herself)Ah, fiddle sticks!

GROVERNOOOO, Ill be right back!

Grover runs then returns with a new shirt. She puts it on.

KELSEYIts so cozy.

GROVERThanks...er, youre welcome? Ahh, Idont know.

KELSEY(laying down, half asleep)I like the real Grover.

Grover smiles. He sits down next to Kelsey and continueswatching the movie. Not even a few seconds have passed and

(CONTINUED)


22/23

CONTINUED: 21.

Grover looks over to Kelsey and she is asleep. Grover picksher up and lays her in his bed. He takes a pillow and laysdown on the floor next to her. He uses her stained blouse asa blanket.


Kelsey is smiling more than before as she continues watchingGrover during the interview.

JOHNATHANAnd with that, thank you Grover forshowing us this riveting collectionof cards. I actually learnedsomething.

GROVERMy pleasure.

JOHNATHANAnd that wraps up our first episodeof Callate y Aprender conJohnathan! Id like to thank myguest again and my lovely crew.Well be back to discuss LatinAmerican relations, Chavez, and popculture with the ever elusive Lisa(the word Lisa is said withcontempt) next week. And remember,when you listen to me, everythingmakes sense!

Everyone claps and celebrates. Kelsey turns around, awayfrom the commotion.

KELSEY(to herself, taking a deepbreath)

Alright, you can do this, Kelsey.He likes you. Hes nice. Just beyourself.

Kelsey turns around only to find that Grover has left thestage. She looks over to the door and runs. Grover is a fewyards ahead of her, moping down the sidewalk.

KELSEY(running faster to catch up)

Grover! Wait up!

Grover stops. He turns around.

(CONTINUED)


23/23

CONTINUED: 22.

KELSEY(running up to him, out ofbreath)

I remember!

GROVER

What?

KELSEYLast night! Im sorry. Last nightwas really...special.

GROVER(smiling)

Do, uh, you want to get somethingto eat?

KELSEY(smirking)

Just no feet, please.

Kelsey and Grover walk away. Mia, Codi, Bryce, and Johnathanare at a car putting their filming equipment in. All of themjust saw what happened and are smiling.

JOHNATHANDid I miss something?

Documents

Off University - Episode 0103 - Kelsey