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Calling
A PUBLICATION OF THE NEW YORK STATE FUNERAL DIRECTORS ASSOCIATION, INC.
October 2015
The
UNCLAIMED Veterans’Cremains
LAW EARN 1 NYS LAW CEU!Webinar
Con
tents
NYSFDA Officers
Douglas R. BrueggemannPresident
East Northport, 631-368-1235
Walter J. KentPresident-Elect
Elmira, 607-734-5368
Wesley A. “Andy” Powell, CFSPSecretary / Treasurer
Amityville, 631-691-0172
Robert C. EnosImmediate Past President
West Seneca, 716-674-3636
Francis “Joe” Martin, Jr.Continuing Past President
West Henrietta, 585-424-3700
Bonnie L. McCullough, CAEExecutive Director
800-291-2629
Randy L. McCullough, CAEDeputy Executive Director
800-291-2629
Bureau of Funeral Directing518-402-0785
New York State Funeral Directors Association, Inc.1 South Family Drive, Albany, New York 12205
PHONE: 800-291-2629 • FAX: 518-452-8667WEB: www.nysfda.org • EMAIL: [email protected]
THE CALLING is published by NYSFDA © 2015. All rights reserved. Please send all photos and story ideas to [email protected]. CLICK HERE
for publication schedule.
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• President’s Message• In Remembrance• NYS Tribute Foundation• Classifieds• Calendar of Events• OSHA Webinar• Convention Photos• Executive Director’s Message• VIDEO CLIP: Technology
Conference• SLIDE SHOW: Meet Your
2015/2016 Officers• Honored for Excellence• NFDA Election Nears• Honoring All Who Served• COVER STORY: Unclaimed
Veterans’ Cremains Law
• For the Angels• Death Certificate Woes• Education News• Donating Your Body• A Mother’s Loss• VIDEO CLIP: Honoring A
Hero• Suicide Loss• VIDEO CLIP: Why Funerals
Matter• Camo Specialty Vehicles• The History of Cremation• Amish Beliefs About Death• Directors Choice• PrePlan• Report to Membership• INTERACTIVE SURVEY
Newly Updated! THE NYSFDA SURVEY OF COUNTY INDIGENT BURIAL RATES AND POLICIES: A COUNTY-BY-COUNTY ANALYSIS NYSFDA’s detailed guide provides valuable information regarding public assistance burials and reimbursement guidelines for every county in New York State. The information includes the latest updated dollar amounts and what services/merchandise are included in those fees. $20 for members / $60 for non-members
CLICK to order
Long Island, where I grew up and live, is beautiful. It seems like one big beach surrounded by villages, commerce and recreational sites. However, there are some things it doesn’t have such as the truly vast spreads of autumn color of upstate New York. The trees upstate are showing off their magnificence right now, signaling that summer is really over. And that, of course, means
that it’s back to hard work and business.
To that end, the NYSFDA Staff, officers and committee members are gearing up for another busy year. Committees will begin to meet again and also, the board will reconvene to take care of issues that have been carried over from the beginning of the year and address new items.
At the end of September we welcomed a new Leadership Academy program, starting with a new class of funeral directors who are interested in learning about the importance of associations in their profession. This program is year-long, during which they will discuss issues facing funeral directors and business professionals. At the end of this program the graduates will be ready to take on a leadership role, not only on a local level, but by serving on an NYSFDA committee or in a board position.
As an Association we need to continue to establish an ongoing interest in leadership and make a commitment to maintaining what matters in funeral service, not only today but for the future.
Dear Colleagues:
President’s Message
As I draft this message, your Board and staff are preparing to attend a leadership conference at West Point. I will be reporting about it in my next message. I will stress the importance to NYSFDA of this leadership and the knowledge that was gained in the conference.
Before I began this message, Martha and I had just come home from Florida to find that our grandson was being born in New York Presbyterian Hospital. If you attended the convention in Poughkeepsie you may remember that I introduced our family at the banquet. Michelle and Eric had a son last night, four weeks early - but all is well. Baby and Mom are doing fine!
New beginnings: for me and for our Association. Let’s make it a good year!
Douglas R. Brueggemann
CLICK to View
THANK YOU! NYSFDA recently reached 2,200 likes on our Facebook page!
New
s
A listing of friends of NYSFDA who have recently passed.
In RemembranceCLICK to view
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
CLICK to view
CLASSIFIED ADS
CLICK to view
THANK YOU to everyone who has donated to the NYS Tribute Foundation during the past year!
CLICK to view our donors
REGISTER NOW: OsHa WeBinar / teLeCOnFerenCe Earn 1 NYS Law CEU!
Each Fall NYSFDA hosts trainings that will satisfy your mandatory federal requirement for yearly OSHA training.
Participants will receive a Training Certificate indicating the information covered in the presentation and how that information satisfies these
training requirements. These certificates should be placed in employees’ personnel files and should be kept for a period of three years. NOTE: You may only claim CE credit once in the biennium. Each registered participant will receive a registration confirmation and teleconference instructions by email. Please make sure to provide a valid email address. NOTE: The call-in number is not toll-free. FEES: Members: $40.00 each; Mortuary Science Students: $20.00 each; and Non-Members: $80.00 each
• NOVEMBER 3 Registration Deadline: October 27• NOVEMBER 4 Registration Deadline: October 28• NOVEMBER 5 Registration Deadline: October 29
YOUR INSTRUCTOR: CURTIS D. ROSTAD, CAE, CFSP, FACFECLICK to view
TIMES or to REGISTER!
CLICK HERE to view
COnVentiOn PHOtOs!We have posted an entire album of pictures taken during NYSFDA’s 2015 Convention in Poughkeepsie, NY. PAULSEN PHOTOGRAPHY has also posted them on their website: www.paulsenphotography.com for purchase. Just CLICK on “Events,” there you will see NYSFDA listed. The password is 081615. Enjoy!
I just read that they’re coming out with a new iPhone. Everyone seems to be revved up to buy it, replacing the ones they just got last year. I guess they’ve got better cameras with more pixels or axels or something.
Me, I’m perfectly content with my iPhone which came out about three versions ago. That’s the way I am about technology. In fact, I just recently gave my original Kindle a decent burial and updated to the newest version. I’d had
it since the very first ones came out in 2007. It was falling apart physically (the back kept falling off) but certainly not functionally. If something isn’t broken, don’t fix it, plus I know how to operate what I’ve got. I usually have the oldest computer in the office, mostly because I don’t complain about its lack of the computing power of the entire Microsoft campus. Windows 10? I just got 7 down thank you very much.
There is a point to all this folderol. The real reason I don’t replace with the latest and greatest is that I don’t need it. There is enough magic in all my current gizmos to get the job done both personally and professionally. Unless you just love technology and the newest machines, you probably have the same attitude. You have what you need.
BUT. . . do you have what you need? There are obviously two ends of the spectrum here . . . those who must have the newest whiz-bang gee-golly stuff and ones that remain in the technology avoidance mode. I’m not just speaking of the gadgets but of how we use them. Both fear and loathing can keep us from where we need to be.
Dear Members:
Executive Director’s Message
Cue in social media. I promise you it is not a waste of time or effort. Here at NYSFDA we have a robust social media program, and the growth in the number of consumers reading our important messages is nothing less than amazing. The readership of our Blog, SYMPATHY NOTES has grown beyond my wildest dreams. Our top rated post had nearly 10,000 readers. All of the metrics we use to measure engagement of consumers and members with our platforms are not any kind of repudiation of what we read about the internet and people going online, but rather a reinforcement of the facts.
If you are reading this interactive newsletter, chances are you’re already dabbling with social media, perhaps even for your business. If you’re ready to forge ahead to advance further in your learning of how it can positively impact your business, plan to attend the NYSFDA Technology Conference. Get Connected . . . Get Social . . . November 4 - 5 here at the NYSFDA offices. Did I mention you’ll earn 7 CEUs? See page 10 for more details.
If you’re not quite ready for that type of conference yet, that’s certainly okay. But perhaps you could spend some time learning more about social media and how it can benefit your business right there in your hometown. Or on the internet. The thing is, we don’t always know what we don’t know.
Hmm . . . maybe I should take a look at that new iPhone.
Sincerely,
Bonnie L. McCullough, CAE
TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCEGet connected. Get social.
Albany :: November 4 – 5, 2015
In today’s increasingly connected landscape, your funeral home must meet the demands of today’s mobile and social families. It’s way beyond having a website. Are you equipped? Join us in Albany to learn how to leverage social media at your funeral home. Speakers during this two-day conference will offer a series of short talks and interactive workshops. This conference has been approved
by the NYS Department of Health, Bureau of Funeral Directing, for 7 CEUs!
Session highlights include cutting edge tactics for:
• Mobile campaigns• Harnessing free web tools• Optimizing your workflow with social media dashboards• Understanding social media pitfalls, and• A hands-on session to start your own funeral home blog.
New York State
CLICK to Register
Notes• This is a working program where we will strengthen your existing social
media plan.• What should you bring? Your laptop, iPad, or tablet, and your smart
device.• The dress is business casual. This is an active, participant-driven training.
We want you to be comfortable and ready to participate.• Conference Tuition: $650 for NYSFDA members / $750 for non members.• We have set-up a block of rooms at THE DESMOND for the night of
November 4.• The room rate is $149 plus tax.• The hotel reservation group number is 12E4PD and attendee code is 9391• The cut-off date for making hotel reservations is October 21, 2015.
CLICK to view video
#nysfdaTECH
MEET NYSFDA’s 2015 / 2016
OFFICERS!
CLICK the THUMBNAIL to read their biography!
2. 3.
4. 5.
1.
6.
Member News
1. Passing the TorchNYSFDA Immediate Past President Robert C. Enos, owner of HOY FUNERAL HOME, INC. in West Seneca, (pictured left) congratulates our new President Douglas R. Brueggemann, owner of BRUEGGEMANN FUNERAL HOME OF EAST NORTHPORT, INC. (right), as past president Beatrice E. Lewanduski, CFSP (center) looks on at the Annual Banquet held in Poughkeepsie on August 18, 2015.
NYSFDA Members HONORED for
ExcellenceThe NATIONAL FUNERAL DIRECTORS ASSOCIATION (NFDA) recently announced that 155 funeral homes have earned the 2015 PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE AWARD nationwide. The list included five NYSFDA member firms.
NFDA Hall of Excellence Inductees -- NFDA-member funeral homes are inducted into the Hall of Excellence upon receiving their 10th Pursuit of Excellence Award. Only nine funeral homes will be inducted into the
NFDA Hall of Excellence in 2015. Congratulations goes to BRANCH FUNERAL HOME in Smithtown!
2015 NFDA Pursuit of Excellence Award Recipients
• BALLARD-DURAND FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICES, White Plains• CROWE’S FUNERAL HOME INC., Jamaica• LAKESIDE MEMORIAL FUNERAL HOME INC., Hamburg• ROBERTACCIO FUNERAL HOME INC., Patchogue
NFDA will honor the 2015 recipients on October 19 during the 2015 NFDA INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION & EXPO in Indianapolis, IN.
Learn More
Member News
Former NYSFDA President SCOTT B. ANTHONY, CFSP, CCO of ANTHONY FUNERAL & CREMATION CHAPELS in Rochester, is engaged
in a campaign to serve as Secretary of the NATIONAL FUNERAL DIRECTORS ASSOCIATION (NFDA).
The election will be held during the House of Delegates meeting at the 2015 NFDA International Convention & Expo in Indianapolis, October 18-21, 2015.
Anthony has served as the 2013-15 at-large representative on the NFDA Executive Board which follows service as a New York representative on NFDA’s Policy Board and membership on its Advocacy and Pursuit of Excellence committees. He’s also served as board member and president of the FUNERAL SERVICE FOUNDATION and he’s held leadership positions at the ROCHESTER-GENESEE FUNERAL DIRECTORS ASSOCIATION in Upstate New York. He’s done so while his family funeral homes served about 500 families each year.
Membership on the NFDA’s Executive Board, Anthony said, has broadened his understanding of the field. This awareness, and staff at NFDA Anthony describes as “first rate,” makes the association an important influence in the livelihood of funeral directors.
Anthony, 63, is also a family man. He and his wife Debbie (pictured) have two adult daughters, Lisa and Sara.
ELECTION Nears
Initiated by NYSFDA, this law allows for the interment of veterans’ unclaimed cremains by removing the barriers that previously existed, while
also providing the flexibility and liability protections necessary for funeral directors and veterans’ organizations alike to carry out this noble endeavor.
This law provides a much needed framework to allow funeral directors to determine whether cremated remains in their possession are those of a veteran, and, at their option, may enlist the assistance of certain veterans’ service organizations (VSOs) in the process of interment. A VSO may also help in identification if requested by a funeral director.
Leaders of the NYS Veteran Recovery Program / Patriot Guard Riders approached NYSFDA in early 2010 to express their strong desire to work with us to craft legislation to allow funeral directors to work with them and other veterans’ groups voluntarily to help locate, identify and inter the unclaimed cremains of American veterans.
This law is the culmination of those collaborative efforts; it serves as a model throughout the nation for similar groups in other states to work in tandem for the betterment of those we serve. NYSFDA also received the support of the Vietnam Veterans of America – New York State Council in proposing this law.
The legislation was sponsored by NYS Assemblyman and Assembly Veterans’ Committee Chairman BILL MAGNARELLI (D-Syracuse) and NYS Senator KEVIN PARKER (D-Brooklyn).
Veterans
Earn 1 NYS LAW CEU!
Understanding the NYS Unclaimed Veterans’ Cremains Law Webinar
Make this law work for you and your families
Thursday, October 15, 2015 • 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m.
Presented by RANDY L. McCULLOUGH, NYSFDA Deputy Executive Director
MARIANNE SCHROM, NYSFDA Assistant Director of Government Affairs
NYSFDA Members - FREE :: Non-Members - $199
CLICK to Register
PROVISIONS OF THE LAW
• Funeral directors who have held cremated remains for at least 120 days fromthe date of cremation are now allowed to provide appropriate personalinformation concerning the deceased to the United States Departmentof Veterans Affairs (VA), local veterans’ service agency, a veterans’ serviceorganization or to a national cemetery to determine whether the person wasa veteran.
• If it is determined that the cremains are those of a veteran, the funeral director may arrange for interment or relinquish possession of the veteran’s remains to a veterans’ service organization to arrange for interment in a national cemetery, a section of a cemetery corporation where veterans are memorialized by a veteran’s marker, if eligible, a veterans’ section of a cemetery corporation or a veterans’ cemetery.
• The funeral director remains in control of the process of the unclaimed remains: he/she may wish to handle an interment themselves, or may choose to work with a veterans’ organization to take part in the burial service. The funeral director may also simply turn the cremains over to a veterans’ organization for interment.
• Interment can take place as long as the authorizing agent has not instructed the funeral director to arrange for interment in another location or manner, such as through instruction on a Customer’s Designation of Intentions.
• The funeral director and/or veterans’ service organization will not be liable for any costs, damages or expenses in any civil action arising from interring the cremated remains in this way, except if there is gross negligence or willful misconduct.
• The authorizing agent will be responsible for reimbursing the funeral director, cemetery, or veterans’ service organization for all reasonable expenses incurred in relation to the disposition of such cremains.
• A funeral director is not required to determine or seek others to determine that an individual’s cremated remains are those of a veteran if the funeral director was informed by the person in control of disposition that such individual was not a veteran. Further, a funeral director is not required to determine veteran status or relinquish possession of these cremated remains in any way if he/she was instructed by the person in control of disposition, or even has a reasonable belief that the decedent did not desire any funeral or burial-related services or ceremonies recognizing their service as a veteran.
Veterans
ABOUT THE PATRIOT GUARD
The main mission of the Patriot Guard Riders of New York, Inc., is to attend the funeral services of fallen American heroes as invited guests of the family. Each mission we undertake has two basic objectives.
1. Show sincere respect for our fallen heroes, their families, and theircommunities.
2. Shield the mourning family and their friends from interruptions created byany protester or group of protesters.
NYS Contacts Request A Mission
FOR THEAngelsParents enduring the anguish of miscarriage and stillbirth are finding support in Upstate New York from an effort to transform used wedding gowns and formal dresses into burial clothing for infants.
New York StateThe nonprofit ANGEL GOWNS OF WNY has received so many wedding gowns since it formed two years ago that the group is asking folks to hold off on sending more – at least for now.
They distributed more than 2,000 Angel Gowns in 2014, their first year, and 1,500 in the first half of 2015 alone – all at no cost to the recipient.
The all-volunteer group creates as many as 20 burial gowns from a single wedding dress donated by the public, the group’s Syracuse area coordinator FRAN HUDSON said.
The gowns are created in a variety of sizes and colors to meet varying needs of families coping with the heart-wrenching loss of an infant child.Hudson said it’s not easy to find a formal dress or other clothing for an infant that only reached 25 weeks, so providing the Angel Gown eliminates an extremely difficult shopping trip.
“Finding something that will fit is difficult. It’s just a very, very sad time and physically and emotionally draining,” said Hudson, a retired Home Economics teacher who volunteered to help after learning about it on FACEBOOK.
In some cases, the Angel Gowns are used as a burial dress. Some families use them for a final photograph, then preserve the little gown after the child has reached his or her final resting place.
In the short time since it was organized, Angel Gowns of WNY established relationships with roughly 50 hospitals. Some neonatal intensive
care units receive several gowns regularly. Hudson said she checks up on them periodically to make sure they have enough.
The group hopes to make sure funeral directors throughout New York State are aware of the effort that can bring a little solace to grieving parents who may only know their child for a brief moment.
In years past, stillbirths and miscarriages were shunned and hidden and people didn’t even talk about it, much less have a chance to grieve.
Recognizing the emotional toll such a loss has on parents, cemeteries today are creating special places to bury and memorialize stillborn and miscarried children .“Women and their husbands deal with this for the rest of their lives, it’s a part of them that’s been taken away,” Hudson said.
Each gown sent to a family is packaged with a card listing the names of the people who donated the gown and the creator of the Angel Gown. They also share a copy of a poem written by Angel Gowns of WNY’s founder, MISSY RAY:
Precious little one,We had you in our lives such a very short time,But we’ll hold you in our hearts forever.It seemed like only a fleeting moment,But it was long enough to see you, touch you, hold you, Love you.It was long enough to know that your life was indeed a giftNo matter how brief, no matter how fragile,Your life was indeed a gift,And we’ll hold you in our hearts forever
People donating dresses are also given the option of doing so in memory of a loved one – that info is also shared on the card packaged with the gown.
Although they’ve suspended wedding gown collections temporarily, the group can always use donations, Hudson said. Funding helps defray the cost of shipping which is also provided free for those in need of Angel Gowns. Donations also help the group buy sewing supplies like needles, lace, ribbon and thread in addition to packaging and shipping materials.
The group created an ORDER REQUEST FORM on their website and Hudson said those in need can be delivered a dress quickly – even overnight, in some cases.
“We would love to provide angel gowns for anyone that feels that they can use them,” Hudson said.
DEATH CERTIFICATE WOES ACROSS U.S.
The recent closure of SEKUWORKS paper company has caused disruption within the market for important documents including birth certificates and death records in twelve states. The other 38 states, including New York, allow alternative security features in place of intaglio printing, according to the
COURTHOUSE NEWS SERVICE. Sekuworks was the sole supplier of secure bank-note paper used by California counties to print certified copies of birth, death and marriage certificates. The sudden closure forced the state to search for another company that could produce this special paper. California law requires birth and death certificates and marriage licenses to be printed on chemically sensitive security paper that features intaglio print, watermarks, fluorescent fibers and numerous other security features. After the July 2015 closure announcement, some government agencies announced restrictions on people obtaining documents while another supplier is found.
Learn More
Education News: Please be advised that NYSFDA hassuccessfully obtained the list of courses
approved by the NYS DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH BUREAU OF FUNERAL DIRECTING for the NATIONAL FUNERAL DIRECTORS ASSOCIATION'S INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION & EXPO to be held in Indianapolis, IN, October 18-21, 2015.
• CLICK HERE to view the approved CEU list by NYS. You will see that the largemajority of the programs have been approved with the exception of thoserelated to cremation, crematory operation, etc.
In the ever-changing funeral profession it's critical that funeral directors are educated on the latest trends, techniques, and business methods. NYSFDA is committed to providing information to funeral professionals about high-quality education and learning forums that will help you stay current and achieve your professional goals. (Pictured above: NYSFDA Deputy Executive Director Randy L. McCullough and Assistant Director of Government Affairs Marianne Schrom presenting at the 2015 NYSFDA Annual Convention held in Poughkeepsie.)
• SEE MORE upcoming events: NYSFDA Calendar
It’s not hard to
find examples of
disrespectful treatment
of people’s bodies, but
it’s most disheartening
when it happens to
people who donate
themselves to science.
DOnating YOur
Body?NEWS LEAVES QUESTIONS ON THE TREATMENT OF DONATED BODIES
a
By Ed Munger
It’s a selfless act that I’m certain helps surgeons learn to sew up a burst appendix or find an artery in order to save a life. I offer my sincere gratitude to all who make this decision.
The medical and scientific communities are quick to extol the virtues of body donations
as they regret what they consider to be a shortage of donors.
But boy do I wish these folks at least tried to make it look like they actually treat these #UNLIVING humans with some respect, as if they were relatives or friends – or fellow human beings.
It was just over a year ago when I learned parts of humans that were donated to science at the University of Texas at Austin wound up being stored in an Animal Resources Center before being tossed in the garbage as part of a facilities renovation project.
I’m not sure which is better, that 2014 Texas case or the treatment of human remains described in an article that ran recently about the University of Tennessee in Knoxville’s collection of human skeletons.
BOXES, STRING AND DUST BUNNIES
Nobody wants to level criticism at the medical community because everybody knows there’s a chance they’ll wind up on an operating table in a chemical-smelling, bright room.
But respect and appreciation for an occupation or field of study doesn’t give that group a “free pass” to do what they want, how they want, just because their work is considered important.
I have relatives and friends who have mentioned they’d find it a wonderful choice to donate what’s left of them if it could help their fellow humans. Well, some said they didn’t care in the least what happened to them after they passed on.
I just hope for their sake they never get treated like the thousand-plus “skeletons” they’ve got sitting around in cardboard boxes in the basement, underneath the football stadium bleachers at the University of Tennessee.
The first sentence of the story that ran on NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO in August of 2015 says a lot to me:
“There’s an open box of skulls on the floor. A table is covered with pelvis bones. Nearby: a pile of ribs, tied up with a piece of string.”
I try not to imagine the thoughtful look on my friends’ faces when they envisioned their post-death donation making a difference in the lives of their fellow humans.
That’s because I’d picture that kind face sitting in a cardboard box on the floor. I bet the bottom edges of the boxes are collecting fuzz and cobwebs. Perhaps they’re turning a little darker due to a bit of moisture hitting the floor which always makes cardboard smell nasty.
Or that pile of ribs tied up – I wonder if they were using the same twine I tie up sticks and brush with before I toss the pile on the curb. Or do they use that white cordage my mom used to tie up a roast beef before she put it in the oven? I hope the process before storage entails a little reverence and
respect. But I doubt it.
These kind body donors are apparently left in a “fenced-in field across campus” for days, weeks or longer so students can watch what happens, according to the article.
They eventually get their final resting place – a cardboard box – once there’s nothing left but skeletal remains.
I don’t know if it’s “easy” or just natural for humans to detach themselves from the humanity in other people’s human remains.
Perhaps it’s a bit of self-preservation aimed at deflecting any guilt that might surface if you stop to picture one of your loved ones sitting in that box. Or better yet lying in a field being gawked at by wide-eyed students eager to dig into their first dissection.
“Pelvises, skulls, vertebrae! Its [sic] all so cool,” the NPR reporter writes. Yeah. It’s real cool.
SUPPLY AND DEMAND
A 2014 paper studying the demographics of people who make whole-body donations estimated there are 18,000 cadaver donations each year in the U.S. – and that’s apparently not enough, they need more.
The study, exploring ways to boost donations, suggests broadening its targeting beyond the typical donors – the “elderly, educated and married white males.”
I’m not sure how many angry scientists and erudite college thinkers I’ll get this blog post in front of. But if it’s even one, I hope I can get a tiny suggestion to sink deep into their mind when they look up and wonder how to get more bodies for their fenced-in fields and basements beneath stadiums.
How about placing these human remains somewhere other than in the basement beneath the bleachers that I’m hoping don’t rain down popcorn and spilled soda.
How about creating some ritual that expresses respect and appreciation for all these #Unliving humans who gave themselves to science.
I witnessed a funeral for more than 300 people who donated themselves to a medical education program last year. It was respectful and staff and students appeared truly grateful for the gift they’d received by strangers who sacrificed their bodies to help them learn.
I can only hope these individuals were treated with the same respect while they were stored and studied.
I think colleges and other institutions should require all those in the presence of these remains to express gratitude and respect for what’s left of these fellow humans sitting in boxes on the floor with the dust bunnies.
EDITOR’S NOTE: To read more stories like this one, visit: www.SympathyNotes.org!
SympathyNotesA candid discussion about end-of-life issues
A Mother’s Loss OFFERS COMFORT
ROBERT L. MURATORE has been a licensed Pennsylvania funeral director for 30 years, offering comfort to families who have experienced loss. But a year ago when Robert lost his brother to a terrible accident he could not find a way to comfort his mother.
JOEY MURATORE was 57 years old. A disabled Marine, living in an assisted living facility, Joey choked on a slice of pizza, which ironically was his favorite food. At 81, their mother had survived breast cancer and open heart surgery, but daily coping with the loss of her “baby” was taking a toll on the faith and strength she had left.
“My mother’s struggles and her pain increased as each day passed. Being a funeral director you would think I could offer her all of this up-to-date information on coping with the loss of a loved one. I am far from a poet but one night I started to write some words down on a piece of paper. I gave her this poem not as a gift, but as a thought of remembrance,” Robert stated.
Consumer InformationHe presented “A Mother’s Loss” to her on Mother’s Day. Although the poem made her quite emotional it has actually become a source of comfort to her on difficult days.
A 1977 graduate of the MERCER COUNTY MORTUARY PROGRAM, Robert served his internship at the ROBERT L. D’ANJOLELL MEMORIAL HOME where he continued to work for 20 years. He is currently employed at the DONAHUE FUNERAL HOME. Robert can be contacted at [email protected].
Robert shares his poem in the hopes that it may find its way to comfort others experiencing the loss of a child:
A MOTHER’S LOSS
The loss of a son grieves deeply in the mother’s heartShe is the one who remembers the day she gave lifeNow those wonderful times and joyful momentsare just a sad memoryShe looks for answers, but only finds questionsShe sees her days getting darker and darkerNow someone has told her he is now happyAll that pain he carried has gone awayHe now sees the sun shining so brightSo why is she still losing this fightHe had told her you will find all your answersJust have patience and believe in meFor I am the one he truly needed to see
~ Robert L. Muratore
HOnOring
New Yorkers extend patriotic welcome to WWII Pilot MIA for decades
Veterans, funeral directors and the PATRIOT GUARD RIDERS OF NY (PGRNY) welcomed one of New York’s long-lost heroes back home in
July 2015, ending a decades-long wait with salutes and patriotic gratitude.
Army Air Force Lt. EDWARD F. BARKER, a WWII pilot, was only 20 years old in 1944 when his plane crashed into a mountainside in Papua New Guinea. He was listed as missing in action and his plane was eventually spotted by a U.S. Military team on the island north of Australia in 1962,
according to the U.S. Dept. of Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency.
Military Honor Guard, members of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, police and the PGRNY stood at attention as Barker’s remains were carefully carried from a Delta airline into the care of the FENNER FUNERAL HOME of Herkimer.
Barker’s name is among 36,285 American military member names
HerOa
CLICK to view video
New York State
etched onto the “TABLETS OF THE MISSING” at the Manila American Cemetery and Memorial in the Philippines. The cemetery serves as the final burial site of 17,201 Americans who died during WWII, mostly in the Philippines and New Guinea.
Barker’s ultimate identification hinged on help from his nephew, MARK E. SHOEMAKER – himself a pilot during the Vietnam War. Shoemaker, whose DNA confirmed his uncle’s identity, was flanked by members of the FORT DRUM HONOR GUARD as he spoke with the media while waiting for his uncle’s remains to arrive.
The lengthy ordeal and ultimate hero’s welcome “says something about this country,” said RONALD HESS SR. of the FENNER FUNERAL HOME.
“It’s really our honor to have them select us as the funeral home to take care of him,” he said.
The Funeral Home in Barker’s hometown scheduled two sessions of calling hours for later in the week that would be followed, a day later, with a graveside funeral service with full military honors – something all American military deserve, said RONALD HESS JR., also a funeral director.
“I’m glad they got him back home. They’ve got to get all our soldiers back, regardless of what war,” he said.
HELPING FAMILIES AFTER
suiCiDe LOssThe AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION launches resource to help survivors of suicide loss.
RITA SCHULTE of Fairfax, Virginia, lost her husband, MIKE SCHULTE, to suicide in November 2013. He was a dentist who had recently traveled to Haiti, where he had done free dental work, as well as to Nicaragua to help build a house for an orphanage there. His death shocked Rita and left her confused and reeling. Even though she joined a weekly bereavement support group through her church, she still felt very alone in her grief, as the group was mostly made up of people who had lost family members to cancer. It wasn't until she received a visit from MARY ANNE BURKE, a
Consumer Informationlocal volunteer with the SURVIVOR OUTREACH PROGRAM, who had also lost a family member to suicide that Rita felt connected to a community of loss survivors and finally began to heal.
Run by the AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION (AFSP), the Survivor Outreach Program is a national network of volunteers who have experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide and who receive training to visit others who have experienced a similar loss. These visits are free and available to the public. The program, first developed in 2007 and initially serving only loss survivors in regions of the country where AFSP had local chapters, has now been expanded to include the whole country.
"Losing Mike made my whole life seem surreal," said Rita Schulte. "When someone you love dies by suicide, it's not like a regular death. It's a long, painful journey. You can't go that journey alone. You really need people to walk alongside you. With the Survivor Outreach Program, I was able to talk to someone who had walked the same path I was starting. Mary Anne was able to help guide me on my healing journey."
The Survivor Outreach Program currently has 375 trained volunteers who are available on request for home, phone, video chat or email visits. Visits last from an hour to two hours, depending on the person's need and the volunteer's availability. Generally, visits are requested by the newly bereaved within about two months of their suicide loss and sometimes around the anniversary of a death.
"The impact of losing a loved one to suicide is different than other types of loss and is profoundly traumatic for most. The sooner people get support after a suicide, the better," said DR. CHRISTINE MOUTIER, AFSP chief medical officer. (Source: Memorial Business Journal)
To learn more or request a visit from the SURVIVOR OUTREACH PROGRAM, visit www.afsp.org/outreachprogram.
Why funerals matter
CLICK to watch video
Every culture throughout history has used ceremony and ritual to recognize weddings, birthdays, and funerals.
This video describes Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s Hierarchy of the Purpose of Funerals.
WHY WE’VE HAD FUNERALS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME
VIDEO TITLE PRODUCED BY NYSFDA:
Regardless of the kind of service, it helps for families to understand the parts of a meaningful funeral. Each element serves a unique
purpose and plays an important role.
Business Tips
FLOriDa Firm INTRODUCES
CamO MERRITT FUNERAL HOME in Spring Hill and Brooksville, FL, strives
to serve their local population by offering unique services at their facilities.
After purchasing a new hearse and limo to serve as a third fleet, they had one of their current fleets camouflage wrapped, to meet the needs of a large outdoorsmen population in their area.
“We found that the large population, of hunters, farmers, fisherman and outdoorsmen were interested in camouflage urns and caskets as well as other memorial keepsakes and with a local company who does commercial quality vehicle wraps we
decided to get one of our fleets wrapped. The interest in our cars has been great,” Joe Merritt told the FUNERAL AND CEMETERY NEWS.
Merritt Funeral Home has been family owned and operated since 1982, with two locations approximately 30 miles north of Tampa Bay. Operated by the Merritt Family with David, Lynn and Joe Merritt in charge of day to day operations, the Merritts serve about 400 at-need families a year.
Photos by ILLUSIONSGFX CUSTOM GRAPHICS
HISTORY Cremation The CREMATION ASSOCIATION OF NORTH AMERICA (CANA) and the NATIONAL MUSEUM OF FUNERAL HISTORY have partnerned to create a special exhibit entitled “The History of Cremation.”
THE
OF
Documenting the birth and growth of cremation in North America and promoting enduring themes of memorialization, this unique
exhibit will feature artifacts donated by CANA members and items from the Museum’s collection. Videos and interactive components will engage visitors in learning about cremation through the ages and how the individuals would like to be memorialized.
The idea for a cremation exhibit, which has been in the works for several years, stems from numerous inquiries from museum visitors and industry professionals asking about when the Museum would host or create an exhibit on the subject of cremation.
“Today, we know cremation is the most popular form of disposition across the country,” said ROBERT M. BOETTICHER, JR., CANA Past President, “so an exhibit about cremation could not come at a more ideal time.”
CANA has convened a task force of cremation experts to conceptualize the exhibit which will document the adoption of cremation through four eras of development including:
• ERA ONE: Early Cremation in theUnited States (1876 and earlier-1925)
• ERA TWO: A Focus on Memorialization(1925-1975)
• ERA THREE: Movement Awayfrom Memorialization and TowardSimplification (1975-2005)
• ERA FOUR: Present Day Cremation(2005-present) The Sky is the Limit
Organizers are encouragig funeral service professionals to SUBMIT ARTIFACTS from these eras. Items sought include examples of cremation documents, literature, urns, tools and photographs and additional unique items that will further the understanding of the history of cremation and its impact today.
A New Exhibit at the National Museum of Funeral History
AMISHBELIEFS ABOUT
DEATHFuneral rituals and customs vary greatly by religion and culture. The following information is from NYSFDA’s publication, RELIGIOUS FUNERAL ETIQUETTE: A GUIDE FOR CONSUMERS available in our newly-updated PUBLICATION CATALOG.
VisitationThere are three viewings of the body in an Amish funeral. A viewing is held at the home at least a day before the funeral. At the viewing, family members typically gather in the living or dining rooms and, as visitors arrive, they are escorted to the bedroom where the partially open casket is on display. Following the funeral, a second viewing is held. A final viewing is held at the cemetery.
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Consumer Information
Amish funeral practicesOnce a body is embalmed, it is taken home and dressed by family members. The Amish do not have church buildings, but Christian faith pervades their culture.
Their funerals, conducted entirely in a dialect of German, focus on God and not on commemorating the dead. There is very little, if any, eulogizing.
According to an Associated Press story, “Amish funeral held in private homes, focus on God,” the Amish feel that you shouldn’t praise people, that your praise should be to God.”
The funeral is in two parts - first, a small morning service at the home and then, later in the morning, a larger service in a home or a barn officiated by two or three ministers. There is no singing, only reading of hymns and passages from the Bible and an Amish prayer book.
Mourning ritualsAmish tradition does not provide opportunities for relatives and friends to mourn a death.
Now offered in New York . . . the LUCKY SAVERS PROGRAM!
What is Lucky Savers? It’s a special savings account at your credit union that helps you build your savings while also giving you chances to win $5,000 quarterly prizes, plus
monthly cash prizes!
Every time you save $25 in a Lucky Savers certificate, you get another chance to win –up to 10 chances every month. Plus, all the money you deposit into the Lucky Savers account is still yours, plus interest. It’s savings – with benefits!
Directors Choice will be participating in the exciting program, offering a 1 year share certificate rate of 0.65% APY. You can open your Lucky Savers Certificate for $25 or more, and can have the additional deposits be made through automatic payroll deposits or ACH transfers. And the sooner you enter, the better your chances to win! So call DCCU for details today!
Business Services
Refer . . . YOURSELF!While mortgages are getting most of the refinancing attention, don’t overlook your car loan. In many cases, it can be smart to refinance a car loan too. And now, by referring yourself and refinancing a car loan of at least $5000 with DCCU, you will be eligible for a $25 gift certificate.
Why might this be an option? You may have had to finance a car when your credit score was not as good as you would have liked. If your score has improved by even 50 points, you should explore refinancing.
Or if rates are lower now than when you borrowed for your car, boat or camper, refinancing can make sense as long as you’re not too far into the loan term.
And finally; with the money you can save by refinancing, you might be able to pay down other debt or stash some away in an emergency savings fund.
Call DIRECTORS CHOICE at 800-593-5920 and see how we can help you!
Savings with Benefits and up to $5,000 in Quarterly Prizes!
WHAT DO THE HEADLINES SAY ABOUT YOUR TRUST?Recent headlines in West Virginia publicized allegations of racketeering by a funeral home dealing with HOMESTEADERS LIFE CO. The funeral home has been accused of cashing in more than $900,000 in preneed funeral arrangements for consumers that were still alive at the time the funeral home submitted the claims.
The shocking news is that this alleged fraud spanned over three years! This is not the first headline we’ve encountered (and likely will not be the last) in which there’s irreparable harm to the name of a funeral
home and the company holding the preneed funds.
Allegations such as those in West Virginia serve as an important reminder for employing safety measures to protect all consumers’ preneed funds.
Your PrePlan Trust takes security very seriously. PrePlan is committed to operating at a higher standard than other preneed trusts throughout NYS and across the country. Our FDSS Board, PrePlan Trustees and management are constantly evaluating our policies to ensure the safety and security of your consumers’ funds. We are proud to protect the legal and financial interests of our 600 active participating funeral homes and the 93,000 consumer accounts. We do not take the weight of this responsibility lightly and rely on our members to follow procedures put in place by the FDSS Board, PrePlan Trustees and PrePlan management.
Our sound management principles reflect our commitment to safeguard
Business Services
RATE WATCHCURRENT NET CONSUMER YIELD
1.20%ANNUAL CONSUMER NET YIELD
1.19%
these funds, protect your consumers, and keep our member funeral firms in compliance with preneed laws and regulations.
Below are just a few of the safeguards PrePlan has in place:
• A Certified Death Certificate is required to close a consumer account• All Refund Requests must be notarized• 256-bit SSL encryption of our www.preplan.org website• PCI Compliance• Social Security Numbers are removed from all mailings
Events such as those in West Virginia can cause consumers to reevaluate their decision to prepay their funeral costs. Funeral homes who use PrePlan as their trust provider can assure their consumers that their funds are 100% safe and secure. PrePlan. A service you can trust.
Welcome new members!• Hawkins & Davis Funeral Home, Smithtown • Lucey-VanVoorhis Funeral Home, Inc., Victor
Final Thoughts
What Do You Think?Take a moment to fill out our interactive survey.
Once you submit your opinion, you can view what your peers think too!
Does your funeral home have a FACEBOOK page? Tell us about it! CLICK HERE.
Report to Membership We ’re pleased to present the 2014/2015 NYSFDA REPORT TO MEMBERSHIP that was distributed at the ANNUAL MEETING held on August 17, 2015 in Poughkeepsie, NY. We are proud to share our accomplishments and financial stewardship of YOUR Association.
CLICK HERE to view
