RETURN TO EDEN Genesis 2:18-3:7 October 16, 2011

Twenty one years ago on a beautiful, golden October day in the Chapel of Atlantic Christian College, Marty and I were married. Every year since – at the time of our wedding anniversary – I have preached on the blessings and struggles of Christian marriage and today, as always, I dedicate my thoughts and words on marriage to Marty. In the first part of our scripture this morning we see God’s plan for marriage as God intended it to be from the beginning of creation – woman created from the flesh of man so that forevermore when two join they become one. Little Johnny, in Sunday School, suddenly got a horrified look on his face. “Goodness, Johnny, what is wrong?” his Sunday School teacher asked. “My side hurts”, Johnny answered. “I think I’m about to have a wife.” One of the most beautiful analogies from this text I have ever heard I heard at the wedding of Taylor and Jenna Andrews. “Look carefully at this text and learn,” the minister told the wedding party and all of us. “See that God did not take a bone from Adam’s head, because God did not intend Adam to rule Eve as her boss. God didn’t take a bone from Adams foot, because God did not intent Adam to walk on Eve. No – God took a bone from Adam’s side, because God intended Eve to stand by Adam’s side – next to his heart – as his equal.” But our scripture goes on to tell us that here in this ideal world that God has created for Adam and Eve, the couple rebels. They sin by doing the very thing God told them not to do and the result is their ideal existence is fractured – broken. And they no longer live in God’s perfect Eden – but instead must face a world that contains consequences of sin. John Calvin, one of the primary leaders of the Protestant Reformation, said about this text: “Adam’s sin was not just disobedience but distrust. He disbelieved what God had told him and lent ear to the serpent….leading to pride – ambition – and ingratitude.” In other words, when we stop trusting that God knows what is best for our lives, and start believing that we know better than God – we tumble out of Eden into a world where we reap the consequences of our pride, our ambition, and our ingratitude. Derek Maul, the author of a wonderful book of Christmas meditations I read last Christmas “In My Heart I Carry A Star”, Derek Maul writes that Adam and Eve were seduced by a misplaced desire to be like God – they immediately put themselves front and center, as if creation were all about them. It’s not so much that they weren’t significant as that they so easily forgot the source of their meaning. When Adam and Eve abandoned the reality of a day-to-day relationship to the Eternal, they forgot who they were. You know how it is common to hear someone say these days “It’s not about you” as a reminder that we have all gotten self-centered and self-focused about everything from what we demand of our schools and jobs to our friendships and marriage?

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Maybe the outcome would have been different for Adam and Eve if while the serpent was whispering in one ear “eat it and you’ll be like God”, an angel had been whispering in the other ear “it’s not about you”. Maybe or maybe not. Considering how quick we all are to demand what we need from God -what we need from our marriages – what we need from our children – and how it is our right to get what we need. In other words – arrogance – pride. At the Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate last spring (yes, I was tuned in along with most of the world) the Anglican Bishop of London told the couple and the world in his marriage sermon that “as awareness of God fades in the west, undue expectations are placed on human relationships to fulfill all needs”. In other words, when you take God out of the center of our lives, you have nothing left to build on except each other. And no person or persons is enough to supply what God supplies. Our sense of self-esteem – of self-worth – of meaning – and purpose – all come from God. We automatically turn to our closest relationships to get these things – the things God provides and under that kind of pressure – the pressure of our pride – marriage inevitably breaks down. Marriage was designed by God to be a supportive partnership for two people already firmly grounded in the love of God. It was not designed to take the place of God and cannot stand up under that pressure. So to return to Eden – to return to God’s intention for our marriages – we have to let go of our pride – trust that God has the answers for our marriages – and let God lead the way. Let God Lead the Way. And which way is God leading? Away from the path of “this marriage exists to supply my needs” or ambition, as Calvin says. And into the path of forgiveness – kindness – patience – self-sacrifice – and trust. Trust that God can take any two people and build a strong marriage between them. Marriage counselor and psychologist, Dr. Charles Petty, reminds us that in a world of six billion people, 3 billion men, 3 billion women, none of us had the time or the energy to date all 3 billion of the available options (although I think maybe I know some who tired!) So, let’s be statistically realistic: Somewhere out there is someone who is more compatible with you than the person you married. Someone who would “turn you on” as much or more. But you didn’t marry them. As a matter of fact, your spouse has probably changed enough over the years that they’re not the same person you married either. So it becomes very clear, very fast, that the adventure of marriage is learning to love the person you are married to. My ethics professor, Stanley Havenvas said it over and over: “Everybody – Everybody - marries the wrong person!!” The question of marriage is how are you going to stay married to the person you are married to. You see, if you think the purpose of marriage is to live happily ever after, in eternal bliss, you’ve been listening to the radio too much – at least to pop music stations.

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Christians believe the purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to make us holy. And God was good enough to throw in gifts of laughter and sex and pheromones to keep things interesting, while we learn to be holy wedded people. So we are thankful to God for our long term relationships, precisely because they do challenge us the most over long periods of time. The road back to Eden – back to God’s original purpose for marriage – is the road of humility and thanksgiving - two things we lose when we do not trust God to know more about marriage than we do. Last fall I was doing an activity with the youth called “minefield”. The willing workers room was booby-trapped with aluminum pie pans, acting as land mines. And the youth divided into partners. One partner was completely blindfolded while the other had to stand in the doorway and tell the blindfolded one exactly how to walk to make it through the room without stepping on a pie pan. Take 3 steps to the left and stop. Get on your stomach and crawl because there is a landmine hanging over your head. Now stand up and take 3 steps to the right.. The object of the game was to teach how Christians have to rely on each other – support each other – to get the job done. And the partners who successfully made it through the minefield were the ones who gave clear instructions, followed instructions exactly and trusted each other. A parent came and stood by me while the game was in progress. “Wow, this is great. You know this would be a good activity for adults. We should do this with married couples.” I looked at him. He looked back at me. “Na” we both shook our heads at the same time. “It would never work!” Why not? Because married folk are the worst among Christians at not cooperating with each other! At criticizing our partner, and not trusting what they say. At blaming our partner when we mess up. I would have had fights all over the place if I had put married couples through the minefield:

I told you to go 3 steps to the left. You did not. You said 3 steps to the right. I didn’t! You did.

If you had just done what I told you to do…. But you never give clear instructions! Besides you were telling me the wrong thing anyway!!

We would have won if you had just listened. We would have if you knew what you were doing!!

Why didn’t you trust me? Because so and so was saying so and so!! See what I mean? Be thankful for your spouse. God gave them to you as a gift. Cherish your spouse – listen to what they have to say. Tell them “great job” every now and then. Trust them to have your best interests in their heart. That’s the way back to Eden – back to marriage as God intended it to be. A husband and wife standing side- by- side – solid on the foundation of their trust in God.

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Mark Twain, the great American writer wrote a book on our scripture this morning. It is entitled “The Diaries of Adam and Eve” and he shows their different perspectives throughout meeting and life together. Mark Twain seems to be saying in the book that because of our selfishness we are cast out of Eden. But when we struggle and work and fight and somehow manage to overcome our pride, and truly love one another – that in our love for one another, we return to Eden. At the beginning of the book, Adam thinks Eve is cute but spoiled and stubborn. But across the years, the trials and the grief and the joy marriages changes both of them. And at the end of the book Adam and Eve are old and close to death and Eve prays to God: “Lord, let me die first because he was created first and is stronger” And God answers her prayer. And Adam has written on her Tombstone: “Wherever she was, there was Eden” When we put down our pride and love as God teaches us to love:

faithful to the one we have married cherishing them over the years –

we return to marriage as God intended it to be – an oasis of peace in a rebellious world. We return to Eden. Thanks be to God, Amen