OBUUC Sermon - When Logic Fails

8/14/2019 OBUUC Sermon - When Logic Fails

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Good morning.

Im pleased to be herewith you today to share

my thoughts andexperiences about the

values and pitfalls of

logic.

and lots of other

things.

As you have heard, I

am by profession a

psychotherapist, coach,psychodramatist andeducator.

I design and facilitate safe experiencesfor people want to solve problems,

heal, learn, make decisions or change.

I am here to talk about the immensevalue of experience in our lives and

how it fits with logic and intellect.

Typically, when we speak of problem, itis suggested that we think and talk

about the problem and apply logic tosolve it.

Here are the usual kinds of advice that

people give when someone isstruggling with a dilemma, decision or

problem:

Think before you speak.

Think it through.

Think out of the box.

Now, thinking is a good thing. We can

remember times when we have usedour brains. We made lists of pros and

cons about a certain decision and

followed a plan ofaction that sounded

really good in ourheads.

There was one

problem when the

logical solution wasapplied to real life, it

just didnt work very

well.

We have an idea

about how

wonderful it wouldbe to go on thisvacation or have

that girlfriend orpurchase this great new outfit.

Thats the logical mind speaking. We

can have lots of reasons to back up therightness of our desires.

In my own life, Ive had the

opportunity to learn and relearn thisconcept many times, most recently

with the purchase of lovely oldVictorian house that I now use for my

holistic health center.

I had lots of really good reasons forthis purchase:

A good real estate investment.

A contribution to the growth andrevitalization of the citys business

sector.

Remodeling appreciating a lovelyold building.

And on and on.

But the experience of owning abusiness building was quite different

than the reasoning.

When logic fails the gift of experience


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What I discovered was that owning a

business building while practicing my

occupation was like having two careers much too much for middle-aged ladywho also enjoys volunteering for her

church and spending time with friendsand wanting to simplify her life and aspouse who wants to see her now andthen.

So, that lovely old building is for sale.

That brings me to another old piece ofadvice:

Be careful what you pray for.

It seems that many times when we getwhat weve been wanting, theexperience we receive is quite

different.

A loyalty to logic presumes that wehave control over our world. It

further presumes that we canpredict everything that w ill

happen:

Such as: 2 + 2 = 4.

However, the life is not logical.

For instance:

How is it that a woman claims to bea loving and caring mother buys

heroin with her son, teaches himhow to use the heroin and uses the

drug with him.

How is it that a man says he wantsto be healthy but eats a double

cheese pizza every day followed

with a chaser of three doughnuts, abag of cheese curds and a glass ofbeer?

How is it that a woman is terribly

abused but does not leave her

spouse even when financial help

and refuge is offered?

When we ponder these questions, we

see that there are limits to logic, justlike there are limits to our control overthe word.

For some people, the logic of thesolution follow me on this lays in

other kinds of advice:

Follow your heart.

Listen to your gut.

Go with the flow.

But this advice is bare of real content

and direction during the decision-making process, especially one that will

have repercussions for a long time tocome.

So

What does it mean to follow your

heart?

And how do we separate what wewant from what is really right for us

if there is anything that is really right

for us.

Does it mean that we follow the

anthem of the 1960s -- if it feels

good, do it?

Well, we might know a teenagerwho just got pregnant because sex

felt good but who will have to deal

with the very real consequences of

tending to an actual needy andnoisy infant.

Or an alcoholic or drug addict who

said that first drink or drug felt good


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but now the eighth drink and ninth

drug spiraled to compulsive and

out-of-control behavior.

Or on and onmaybe you have astory like this.

As I see it, the truth is:

We need to actively value both feelings

AND thoughts.

One of the reasons that I was originally

drawn to the denomination of theUnitarian Universalist church d is thestatement that follows the U.U.

principles. It notes the many sources of

our beliefs, including the value of

experience as a source of faith.

I quote:

Direct experience of that transcending

mystery and wonder, affirmed in allcultures, which moves us to a renewal

of the spirit and an openness to theforces which create and uphold life.

We need both and we are meant to use

both.

The truth is:

Logic is important and good. It is a

gift.

But experience is necessary. It is a

gift.

A short lesson in brain science:

We have a complicated brain with anumber of parts that have specific

jobs. And our brain has two

hemispheres, the right brain and theleft brain.

The left brain is the logical side of the

self.

Logic examines general forms that

arguments may take, which forms are

valid, and which are fallacies. It is onekind of critical thinking. It is the part ofthe brain that puts words together,

allowing me to speak and you to listenand make sense of what I am saying.

The right brain is focused on emotions,

intuition and sensory experience.

Your right brain loves colors and

textures and pink, purple and red with sparkles and fringe, even if itdoesnt match! And together! Your

right brain loves the candles flickering

on this altar and the basket of flowers,

too. It is the storehouse of feelings,and feelings are not logical they justare.

And if you think that you can explain

your feelings through logic, then youmight be rationalizing and denying or

just making stuff up!

The logic and intuition of our brains ismeant to swing back and forth so that

we are able to constantly switchbetween these two valuable ways ofbeing in the world.

Heres another interesting tidbit:

We also know that experiences changeour brain.

In trauma studies, for instance,scientists have actually been able to

monitor how there are cellular changeswithin the brain when the person

experiences a trauma such as abuse,combat or another horrifying event.

How ever, theres other good news:

People who are survivors of trauma can

heal when their brains change. This


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means that extremely painful or scary

experiences can change the brain for

the worse and that positive experiencescan change the brain for the better.

This is called healing.

Long before I was a psychotherapist, Idecided it was never too late to have a

happy childhood.

A personal experience:

I never attended my high school prom.I was too nerdy, too shy and too

lacking in social skills to enjoy this

highlight milestone of high school.

Later, when I was in my 30s, I had thegood luck to be a newspaper reporter

and editor. I wanted to give myself thismissed experience and decided to

assign myself to attend a local highschool prom and write about it.

I had girlfriends who went prom

dress shopping with me, giggling andwaiting patiently as I finally picked a

filmy gown with a peach colored sashand pearl buttons.

I found an adventurous male friend

who agreed to be my date.

I had friends who lent their house forthe big date and clapped as I

descended down the staircase and

YES! took pictures of me and mydate posing in front of the fireplace

before we left for our big date.

It was a wonderful evening and I loveand treasure my wonderful memories

that I hold within me today, more than20 years later.

Another truth is that I can give you a

lot of information about a lot of things

thats the left brain speakingbut it

is the experience that you create that

deepens the learning and growth.

For instance, I can talk for an hour

about the challenges of change and wemight admit that change is oftendifficult and scary -- althoughsometimes exhilarating and necessary.

But we will have an experience in amoment that will allow you to

experience change that will lead tounderstanding yourself and an idea

much more deeply than I can everexplain.

So, lets have a simple experiencerelating to change.

First, lets give attention to our handson our laps. Without looking, interlace

the fingers on your right hand with thefingers on your left hand.

Good. Now take a moment to glance at

your hands and notice how your handslook, how your fingers are laced and

where your thumbs are placed.

Notice if your right thumb is placedover your left thumb or vice versa.

Its OK whatever way your thumbshave intersected is just fine. We justwant to notice what happens and we

want to notice how this feels.

Now, slowly and with awareness, lift

the thumb thats on the top.

Move your other thumb to allow the topthumb to go underneath and then put

the remaining thumb on top.

Now, lets take a moment to noticewhat your experience is like.

Odd?


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Strange?

Different?

Uncomfortable?

Awkward?

Or something else?

This is an experience admittedly avery simple experience aboutchange. Notice that one way is not

right and the other way is not wrong.They are just different.

And in just a few minutes you have anexperience about change that goesmuch more deeply into your being than

I could ever explain, even if I talked

about change for the next twelve days.

Now, we also want to notice whatyou DO with the experience.

Do you decide, without thinking very

hard, that the second way is much toodifficult and that you want to quickly

return to the old comfortable way?

Do you notice that you are intrigued bythe difference of the two experiences

and start overlapping your thumbs invarious configurations to learn moreabout how this feels?

Are you able to consider that change

involves some level of discomfort andare you willing to figure out how totolerate the discomfort while you are

approaching or in the midst of change?

Notice that the experience comes first.

Once we have the experience, we canbegin to find the context about how theexperience fits in our lives.

Now, there is a little bit of cautionhere. Sometimes we interpret anexperience that is not to our benefit. In

other words, the story that we made

An example:

I know a woman who lived in a small

town and decided to leave the town

and her family to move across fivestates to find a good job in a big city.

Her family was important to her. Shetried to stay in touch with her familywho lived more than 500 miles away,but it wasnt easy to make that long

drive on a regular basis. She always

was the one to visit and very fewmembers of her family traveled to visit

her.

She came to the conclusion that theydidnt care about her and that their

lives and families were more important

than her and her family. Many yearspassed, and her contact with themdiminished to the bare minimum

exchanging holiday card at Christmaswith just a brief signature at the

bottom of the card.

But I saw a different conclusion, adifferent story.

She was the adventurous one the

one who bravely left home and hearthfor a new life in a strange town. Theones who were left behind were hardlyadventurous at all. They preferred to

play it safe and stay in their

hometown, even though opportunitieswere very limited.

The truth is the woman loved her

family members and missed them.Rather than experiencing the sadness

and the yearning to connect more withher family, she quickly made up a story

that they were self-centered and toointerested in their own lives to pay

attention to her.

Now thats just MY story.The notion that experience is important

bodes well at any time of year, but I


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believe that it is especially important

during the holiday season.

(I hope you made that logical leap withme!)

This is the time of year when we oftenfeel overwhelmed with all the demandsof the holiday. It happens that manypeople face the holidays with dread,

disgust, fear or worse or acombination of the above.

Yes, we need to think about this. Butwe also need to marry our thoughtsand plans with the context, feelings

and gifts of experience.

The logical question that I havelearned to ask myself is:

What kind of meaningful experiencescan I create at this time of year for

myself and those I love?

If I want to experience joy, I strive togive myself opportunities to put myself

in situations where I will find joy taking part in activities that are

fulfilling and enjoyable and spendingtime with people that are healthy,warm and positive.

Although not every experience during

the season can fit that assignment, myintention is that most of my decisionswill lead to good experiences.

The experience lives within me.

I carry those good experienceswherever I go, just like I hold the

memory of my prom date.

Furthermore, I can revisit thoseexperiences within myself that arewarm and comforting no matter what

time of year they took place.

So today, I wish you good experiences:

Experiences that will build warmfeelings and good memories.

I also wish that we can value the giftswe contain within ourselves:

The brain which thinks and

reasons is a gift.

And the body which senses

and holds much unconsciousmaterial is also a gift.

Perhaps you are remembering a good

moment, a moment of joy that you

treasure that makes you smile.

Or a moment of logic that failed and

gave you a great and importantlearning.

Or your own discovery how your brain

and emotions have successfully workedtogether.

Thats good.

Thanks for listening. Thanks forthinking, and thanks for feeling.

Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP,

was invited to give this sermon tothe Olympia BrownUnitarian

Universalist Church,

Racine, Wis., onDec. 5, 2009.

For more about thechurch, see

www.obuuc.org. For

more about Karen,see her Web site atwww.lakehousecenter.com.

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OBUUC Sermon - When Logic Fails