YOUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE

BOB COOKE

An Introduction to Transactional Analysis.

For Klein, such a person is found in the stereotype preacher – all parents – whom metaphorically never leaves work, even at home, never takes his dog collar off.

1. The infantile person

This us the person who will act all his life spontaneously without thinking the consequences of his actions of his actions of his actions through, without checking on his

adult if the reality is so and acting in CONTENTS

1. THE THEORY OF THE PERSONALITY a. The Ego States:Parent,Adult,Childb. Contamination’s and Exclusionsc. Identifying the different ego statesd. Egograms

2. TRANSACTIONS BETWEEN PEOPLE a. Complementary Transactionsb. Crossed Transactionsc. Ulterior Transactions

3. STROKES AND THE STROKE ECONOMY

4. THE STRUCTURING OF TIME BETWEEN BIRTH AND DEATH a. Withdrawal b. Rituals c. Pastimes

d. Activitiese. Gamesf. Intimacy

5. GAMES AND HOW WE SUBCONSCIOUSLY PLAY THEM OUT IN LIFE a. The different gamesb. Game analysis

c. The Karpman Triangled. The game formulae. How to end games

6. SCRIPTS – YOUR LIFE PLAN a. The four life positionsb. Types of scriptsc. Scripts apparatusd. Injunctionse. Counter Injunctionsf. A script matrixg. A script questionnaireh. Ways to identify your particular script

7. THE USE OF TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS FOR POSITIVE CHANGE AND PROBLEM SOLVING IN YOUR LIFE

8. STYLES OF TA THERAPIST9. Conclusion10. My favourite TA story11. Exercises

INTRODUCTION

In writing this book, I have attempted to answer the question what is Transactional Analysis and how it can be used for either problem solving or therapeutic change.

The book is primarily aimed at anyone who is interested in them selves or, in understanding human personality and behaviour. Its appeal is based on the simple language, in which its concepts are described and the ease with which it can be applied in many situations. However, it will be of particular interest to students of Transactional Analysis and Psychology in genera. This book covers most of the basic principles of Transactional Analysis, as I understand them, though of course they were created by the founder of Transactional Analysis, Dr Eric Berne in the early fifties and sixties.

THE HISTORY OF TA

The founder of Transactional Analysis, as said above was Eric Berne (1910 – 1970). His first ideas on ego states, which he formulated in the early 1950s, became the fundamental basis on which the whole structure of Transactional Analysis was formed. Eric Berne graduated in Medicine from McGill University in 1935, and from 1935 – 1938 he served his psychiatric residency at Yale University School of Medicine. In 1943, he joined the army as a psychiatrist and it was here that he first began practising therapy. However, it

was not until the early 1950s that he began to develop his comprehensive system, which was to become known as Transactional Analysis.

His ideas on ego states came to fruition when he observed that/people behaved and operated from three different states within the same personality. These he called the parent, Adult and child ego states. It seemed to Berne that there were several people within the one individual and, at times, one or the other of these inner different people seemed to control the thoughts, actions and behaviours of the person.

It was from this then that the transactional model was created and built on. From these beginnings came Transactional Analysis proper: game, strokes and scripts, which made up the whole system of TA for Berne. However, during the late 1960s and especially after his death in 1970, many new innovations in Transactional Analysis were formed and discussed in greater detail. Certainly, many of Berne’s disciples and foremost psychologists of the time were to carry on his work and to popularise TA beyond his wildest dreams. Some of the more recent innovations in TA, which were to enrich the structure were in Claude Steiner’s work on Strokes and the Stroke Economy in the early 1970s, the Schiffs work on Discounting the Passivity, Erskine and Zacl, AM’s work on Rackets, Karpman’s creation of the Drama Triangle and Dusay’s conception of the Egogram.

Since Berne wrote such important works on TA such as “An Introduction to TA in Psychotherapy”, “Games People Play” and ‘what do you say after you say “ halloo”, many important books have been written about TA, of which the most well known are perhaps “I’m OK “– by Harris and ‘Scripts People Live’ by Steiner, though there have been a host of books by many influential writers which have enhanced the status and popularity of TA as an important psychotherapeutic model. Indeed, since Berne’s death in 1970, Transactional Analysis has grown dramatically and is used by therapists in may forms in their practices in Europe and in the USA. Certainly Transactional Analysis is becoming more popular in Britain and hopefully the writing of this book will help this development in some small way.

WHAT IS TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS?

Transactional Analysis is first and foremost a therapeutic tool for positive change and growth. It can be used either in therapy for the individual concerned or on a more surface level for problem solving in everyday life.

TA is basically the study of how people take on certain behaviors, either by accident or from their early caretakers or authority figures and then continue to play them out in their adult lives. It is a model for people to use to work towards ‘autonomy’, a place from where they can choose to live the way they want to and not to be still acting as if they are controlled by past events or messages.

Transactional Analysis then is a modern psychotherapy model, which has; it’s own particular language and theory of personality. It states that the person transacts with a person in certain ways, structures their time between life and death in a particular way, plays their own particular games and lives out their own unique script.

An understanding of Transactional Analysis can give hope for the person in that they can change their script and choose the way they want to re-write their own life plan, without hanging on to inappropriate behaviors of the past.

CHAPTER 1

The theory of the Personality

The personality for Transactional Analysis is based on the recognition of three quite different ego states, called specifically the Parent, Adult and Child.

An ego state for Berne is:

‘a system of feelings accompanied by related set of behaviour patterns.’

For example, spontaneous feelings, compliance and rebellion are all features of the child ego state and may be activated by the individual at any time throughout his life.

Berne recognised that three such ego states must be in everyone and that together they make up the unique individual. For Berne the ego states are not roles but are phenomenological realities. Each ego state is concerned with what actually happened in the past for that person and how they acted will determine how they act in the here and now. The decisions that they made then will determine the decisions and behaviours they now make in the present.

The Parent Ego State

Case Study One

Bob was the leader of his group of friends and it was he who always set the time that they should meet, where they should go and what they ‘should do’. He often shook his finger at his friends reprovingly. People in his circle of friends eventually got fed up of him and many left the group.

Case Study Two

Mary and Joan were good friends and they went everywhere together. When Joan’s mother died it was Mary who looked after her and often put her arm around Joan saying such words as ‘Don’t worry about things. I will help you with all your work; I love you a lot you know’.The above are examples of a controlling parent behaviour and a nurturing parent behaviour.

The Parent Ego State

The parent ego state contains the attitudes and behaviours that are observed and copied from the individual’s caretakers and figures. In other words the spoken and unspoken rules. The “shoulds’ and the ‘oughts” of life. The individual’s early parent is formed in the child from birth to approx five years and in Transactional Analysis terms is called the parent in the child or the P1. The complete parent ego state or the P2 is formed between the ages of five years to approx twenty years as a result of even more external stimuli from their authority of caretaker figures.When the P2 is activated in later life, the person will be acting in the ways that their authority figures will have acted, indeed this is the model that the individual will have incorporated into his own parent, though it must be noted that each individual will have a different parent ego state and will act in their own unique way. (see fig.1.1)

The Adult Ego State

Case Study Two

James decided to go and see his aunt who lived in the next town – as he had never left his town before, he had to get his map out to work out how he would get there – this he did successfully and he got to his aunt’s house at the time he said he would.Thus we can see that James used his adult ego state to work out logically, given the facts, how to solve a given problem.

The Adult Ego State

The adult which emerges around six months in the child is concerned primarily with appraising facts, reasoning, thinking, evaluating and responding to available data.

It is described by many Transactional Analysis writers like a computer, concerned only with rationality and logic. However, I think this position is some what misleading and I prefer Berne’s commentary, which describes that adult as coming from an integrated stance which does not mean that when the person activates their adult ego state he is coming from just a rational position, but that he also has access to feelings, thinking and attitudes. Indeed the person will be part of the ‘here and now’ and experiencing and coming from an integrated adult stance. (see fig. 1.1)

The Child Ego State

Case Study One

When john’s mother died when he was three years old, he was too young to really understand what had happened, he just felt hurt that his mother had gone away.When he was fifteen years of age, John had a hard time trusting women – he often complained that women left him and let him down a lot when he most needed them.Other people felt that women were really good to him and helped him a lot.

Case Study Two

Fiona when a small girl could get her father to do anything she really wanted. Indeed as she grew up she was very good at managing to get men to do what she wanted. Later, she was fired from several jobs by her bosses who said they felt she was manipulating them.

Case Study Three

As a child, Freda’s parents argued a lot and her major method of defense was to withdraw and spend a lot of time alone going for long walks. At eighteen she got sacked from many jobs for daydreaming and fantasizing. In her personal life, she would withdraw mentally if her friends argued with her. They got fed up with her and left.

People who spend a lot of time operating from a child ego state usually are acting as they did when they were a child. For example, Freda lost a lot of jobs because she daydreamed when she should have been concentrating on her work. Fiona attempted to manipulate men in her life with the expectation that she would get what she wanted as she had from her father when a child.

Being in your child ego state does not mean that you are being childish. It simply means that you are acting out as you did when you were a child.

The child ego state

The child ego state is primarily concerned with feelings though that does not mean that when in the ‘here and now’ experience the person does not have access to attitudes and thinking, but it simply means that when activated feelings are usually the executive energy force.

The child ego state is the part of the personality, which is preserved from actual childhood; it also contains all the impulses a person was born with. The child ego state is, as said above, primarily about spontaneous feelings, needs and wants of the child. It is also important to note that the child ego state contains ‘recordings’ of childhood memories and experiences. Therefore, when the person feels and acts as they did when they were very young, they are experiencing their child ego state. (see fig. 1.2)

The personality can be subdivided further into the Nurturing and Controlling parent and the Free and Adapted child. An example of the nurturing side of the parent ego state would be the person who lovingly takes care of the dog who go injured whilst crossing the road. An example of the controlling parent being activated would be in the person who might say ‘all dogs should be kept on leads and not allowed to roam free’ and do nothing to look after the injured dog. From this particular example we can see how the same ego state can act in different ways according to person’s past messages.

An example of the difference between the free and adapted child ego state would be for example, the person who complies to almost anything and perhaps may automatically say ‘thank you’ whilst repressing other feelings as opposed to the free child stance of free and spontaneous feelings, according to the situation. The free child is naturally inquisitive, curious and often does act without thinking of the consequences.

Another stance of the adapted child position is one of pseudo-rebellion. In other words, an aware adaptation to a particular situation is the flip child of the compliant child stance.

Again I think it is important to mention here that different people will respond differently to situations and thus different ego states will be activated according to their past messages in life. But, almost certainly, most people will have access to all parts of their personality if they wish, though according to their particular pathology, certain ego states may well dominate their personality in may situations of their lives.

Fig 1.1 EGO STATE DIAGRAM

ArchaicParent

IntegratedAdult

HistoricalChild

Structural Analysis

Fig 1.2 EGO STATE DIAGRAM

Nurturing Controlling parent parent

Free/natural Adapted childchild

Functional Analysis

CONTAMINATIONS

Contamination’s between the different parts of the personality or ego states simply means that two ego states overlap or distort so that the person often feels he cannot keep the different ego states separate from each other. He will often describe a ‘stuck’ feeling within his personality. A lot of work in Transactional Analysis is around alleviating this ‘stuck’ sensation or de-contamination, as it is known. An example of a child/adult contamination from a child stance would be a person stating,

‘If I believe my mother is not dead for long enough, she will not be’

Or

‘If I wear my lucky medallion, I am bound to pass my exams without even revising.’

In other words, in these statements, there is obviously a distortion of adult reality from the child’s perspective. It is then necessary to cathart the adult. Contamination can also occur between parent and adult and often does; you may even diagnose double contamination between parent and adult and the child and adult ego states.

Contamination whether from a dominant parent or a dominant child ego state will lead to a dysfunctional ego structure and the person will stay in the unreal position for him or her. This may provide a certain degree of security for the person as it will be familiar to

them, but it will also inhibit the real potential for positive change in their life. What the person needs to be able to do is to have access to all ego states and also be able to redistribute his energy evenly in all of them.

An example of a parent/child contamination would be when a person uses such statements as ‘coloured people are inferior to white people’ and ‘boys are cleverer than girls’.

These examples are obviously prejudiced and occur when the person acts or behaves as though something he believes in is the absolute truth and valid for all time. It often comes directly from their own authority figures and is not necessarily true, thus the person, instead of moving to check out the belief by using his adult ego state instead takes it straight on board into his own parent.

EXCLUSIONS

Exclusion of one or two egos within the ego structure is very detrimental to any healthy organism, as Muriel James describes in her popular book ‘Born to Win’.

‘It is as though a thick wall holds the psychic energy bound up in one Ego State, excluding the other two’.

Fig 2.1

Child/adult contamination

Fig 2.2

Parent/adult contamination

Fig 2.3

Double contamination Parent to adult and Child to adult

This phenomenon is known by Transactional Analysis as Exclusion. Mavis Klein in her book on Transactional Analysis ‘Lives People Live’ states that there are six different possible forms of exclusion: three exclusions of one ego state and three exclusions of two ego states. She gives six examples of this type of person.

2. The uncaring person

Here the parent is excluded without the necessary generalised messages to behave responsibly or in a nurturing way to themselves or others.

3. The joyless person

For Klein, the joyless child lacks happiness, joy, insight or spontaneity.

4. The turbulent person

Klein describes the turbulent person with an excluded adult, which results in a chronic condition of emotional turbulence.

5. The cold person

Klein uses the stereotype of the utterly boring scientist here to typify the cold person who insists on using his adult exclusively to deal with all of life in order to avoid dealing with his unresolved parent-child conflict.

6. The harsh or smothering person

an appropriate manner.

All the above cases will lead to a serious dysfunction for the person and for emotional well being, work on de-contamination and in allowing access for the person to all ego states is of prime importance in any therapeutic work.

Identifying the different ego states

So far, I have described the structure and function of the different units of the personality and how you might be aware of which part you may be operating from in you life experiences. To enable you to identify even more specifically which ego state you are coming from in a specific situation, there are certain clues, which will help you. There are many ‘behaviours ‘which are typical of each ego state.

Your child ego state

When coming from a child ego state, your tone may be one of laughing, screaming, angry, rebellious, whining, helpless, stubborn or playful. Your words may be ‘wow! I love you. Brill. I hate you. Ace. Amazing. Incredible, I never do it right. Sorry!

Your critical parent

Your tone of voice may be harsh, strong, self-righteous, critical, ordering, dogmatic, uncompromising, overbearing. The posture here will likely be upright, hands on hips, wagging finger, head upright, invasive, erect. The words could be – lots of “woulds, Shoulds” disappointed in you, upset by your behaviour, eat all your food, children should be seen and not heard, don’t be late, stupid, when are you going to do…….., why have you not……….

Your adult ego state

The tone of voice may be measured, clear, precise, crisp, rational, logical. Words may well be very factual. ‘I see you are well, how long is it to London, what time is it, it is a fact it is cold today!

All the above words and behaviours, will then give you some clue as to what ego state that person is operating from and thus what you can do to change the situation for yourself. However, it must be remembered that these are only some of the clues for exact ego analysis, you will need more evidence or information for a positive and accurate diagnosis. You may need to ask more historical questions and certainly, you will need to see the person in the ‘here and now’ to be certain of you analysis.

The Egogram

To talk about the ego structure and not to mention the innovation of the Egogram by Jack Dusay in the early 1970s would be a disservice in my opinion to Transactional Analysis. An egogram is simply defined as:

‘a bar graph showing the relationship of the parts of the personality to each other and the amount of psychological energy emanating outward.’

The Egogram is a bar graph showing the amount of energy within the ego structure of the person and how he will re-distribute his energy within the different egos at one given time. Thus the most important aspect for the use of the egogram in modern psychotherapy is that, it gives an evaluation of the distribution of energy in the personality, and it can be used by the individual to show how much energy is needed to be re-distributed to other parts of the personality to make positive change. It is simple to construct and use, for example, firstly, draw a horizontal line on a piece of paper. Underneath, label the five ego states – adapted child, free child, adult, controlling parent and nurturing parent.

Think of yourself at this particular time or at a specific moment in the past, draw whatever you feel is the most energised part of your personality, and draw it with a vertical line. (This will be your highest column.)

Now, using your intuition, draw the lowest energised part of your personality as it is in comparison with the other. (This will be the lowest column.)

Then fill in the other states as you see them in comparison with the above.

Having done the exercise, you should have now an egogram of the distribution of your energy within your personality at a given time. This will help you see where you might need at certain times to re-distribute your energy to help solve problems in life or therapy.

At this point it is important to mention the constancy hypothesis. As John Dusay suggests in his book on egograms, when the energy in one ego state increases, the energy in another ego state decreases, which means that one can successfully distribute one’s energy from one ego state to another. Indeed, having used egograms successfully in my own self-evaluation whilst in therapy, and with my own clients within my practice, I have come to the conclusion’ that the creation of the egogram by Dusay has been invaluable to modern psychotherapy and especially Transactional Analysis. Certainly, it shows graphically, the kind of person you are and will show you the way you can positively change to be the person that you want to be in your life.

The Egogram

Fig. 3.1.

John’s egogram before therapy

Fig.3.2

John’s egogram after therapy

Chapter 2

TRANSACTIONS BETWEEN PEOPLE, HOW WE TRANSACT IN LIFE BETWEEN EACH OTHER

Eric Berne described a transaction as:‘the unit of social intercourse is called a transaction. If two or more people encounter each other in a social aggregation, sooner or later one of them will speak, or give some indication of acknowledging the presence of others. This is called the transactional stimulus. Another person will then say or do something which is in some way related to the stimulus, and this is called the transactional response.’

In transactional analysis, there are major types of transactions:

1. Complementary transactions

2. Crossed transactions

3. Ulterior transactions

Complementary transactions

A complementary transaction occurs when a message sent from one ego state, gets the expected response from a specific ego state in the other person.(See Fig. 4.1)

A : Do you know what time it is?

B : Yes, it is three o’clock.

A complementary transaction is when the communication channels between the ego states are open, usually parallel. When this is the case, communication can continue indefinitely between the people involved. Indeed, when you express yourself from one of your ego states and get the response you expected, then you are most likely to be in a complementary transaction with the other person.

There are many types of complementary transaction and they can be from any one of your ego states.For example, there can be child to child complementary transactions – Fig 4.2

A : I feel like playing

B : sure, I do, let’s play.

Also there can be adult to adult complementary transactions – Fig 4.3

A : What is the way to your home?

B : Turn left, first on right.

Finally, there can be parent complementary transactions – Fig 4.4

A : You shouldn’t cry like that

B : I will cry like that if I want to as it is good for me to do so, so shut up.

It is also important to note here again that a complementary transaction can be from any of the ego states to any other of the ego states as long as the channels of communication stay open. It is also important to say that if a verbal message is to be completely understood, both the sender and the receiver must realise the non-verbal messages as well as the verbal one – i.e. tone of voice, posture, gestures, expression, all contribute to the meaning of your transaction.

Crossed transactions

This is the second most common transaction and is perhaps the one that causes the most social difficulties in our lives. Crossed transactions are a frequent source of confusion, and frustration between people. A crossed transaction occurs when the ego state from which a person responds is not the ego state response that was expected by the person who sent that stimulus. The lines between the ego states cross and the conversation usually breaks down or is switched to another topic. If you feel not understood, confused, or there is a misunderstanding, you will probably be participating in a crossed transaction.(See Fig 4.5 and 4.6)

Fig. 4.5

A. Could you tell me where Whetherfield is?

B. You stupid person, why do you not buy a map?

Fig. 4.6

A. Have you seen my watch today?

B. I am tired as well you know. I can’t be bothered to look for your watch, anyway why Did you not wash the dishes up this morning?

With crossed transactions, as above, the conversation usually stops or the subject is changed. Indeed, the problem of too many crossed transactions in a relationship is that someone in the relationship feels puzzled or put down and this will lead to even more resentment.

Ulterior transactions

The third major transaction between people is the ulterior transaction. Ulterior transactions are more complex than complementary or crossed transactions because they involve more than two ego states at the same time. Ulterior transactions have a covert or secret message as well as an overt message. The ulterior message is usually more important to the sender and the receiver than the overt message. Usually, when an ulterior message is sent, it is disguised under a socially acceptable level. The ulterior or hidden part of the message can be sent non-verbally as well as by other means such as body posture, facial expressions.

The ulterior transactionFig. 4.7

A (overt) Come up and see my etchings

B (overt) Let’s go to bed.

Fig. 4.8

A (overt) Yes, it is beautiful sir, but perhaps you would like to buy one not so old- Fashioned A (overt) Buy this one if you want it to look more up to date.B O.K., I’ll have this one.

In summary, by looking and analysing your various transactions in your life you may choose how you want to operate with others and you will have then more possibilities for changes in your conversations, for you can then determine whether your transaction is said in a healthy straight forward manner or said in an ulterior or confused manner.

Chapter 3

Strokes and the stoke economy

In Transactional Analysis a stroke is a ‘unit of recognition’, from the ‘I love you’ to a simple nod of recognition from an acquaintance. Strokes can be verbal or non-verbal and can be given and received by any ego state.

People fundamentally need strokes to survive. Infants will not grow normally without touch from others. Indeed, many psychological studies show that infants who are neglected or ignored and do not receive enough physical touch will suffer mental and physical deterioration. In Transactional Analysis this early contact is called stroking.As the person grows up, he seeks after strokes either verbally or non verbally or non verbally or physically. As Berne says

“If the infant is not stroked his spinal cord shrivels up”

thus it is , of course, essential for our existence that we seek out strokes. There are two basic types of strokes in TA language and people as they evolve will seek them out as best they can in their lives. They are positive and negative strokes. They could be sub-divided again if you wanted to be more specific into positive conditional and negative conditional strokes as well.

Positive strokes are the most important of the two in terms of positive emotional well being and it is important for one’s good being that we receive them in our own lives. Positive strokes leave you feeling warm all over and can range from a simple nod of recognition to close intimacy. Positive strokes leave the person with a feeling of OK. Claude Steiner in his popular book ‘Scripts people live’ calls them warm fuzzies which I think is a nice description for positive strokes. Remembering to give positive strokes to someone is to give him what he basically needs and wants even though he may at times find them hard to allow into his system.

Negative strokes are a negative form of recognition though they are better than none at all. For example, being spanked is a negative form of recognition, and in may cases, negative strokes may be all that is on offer/at that particular moment in the individual’s life. Therefore, the individual will survive on a diet of negative strokes, which as I said above, is better than one at all. Indeed, in may cases the individual will seek out negative strokes which then become his survival mechanism as no positive strokes are around for him to receive. This then becomes what is known in TA as his stroking pattern in his life. The object in much of TA therapy is to change such an individual’s stroking pattern into a more positive one which is much more emotionally healthy for him and will allow him to develop in a positive way.

Berne believed in this connection that children at birth were born either ‘Princes or Princesses’ and that it was society or their ‘Frog’ authority figure that would turn them into frogs by mainly feeding them a diet of negative strokes in their lives.

The Stroke Economy

Claude Steiner in his book ‘Scripts People Live’ described what he called the stroke economy in life. For him, the stroke economy is taught to children in our society and constitutes their basic training for loveliness.

The negative messages that the stroke economy are based on are as follows:

1. Don’t give strokes if you have them to give. This simply means that people are Enjoined against freely giving of their loving feelings.

2. Don’t ask for strokes, when you need them.

3. Don’t accept strokes, if you want them.

This negative message is not as common as the other two. When present, it prevents people from accepting the strokes that are given to them even when they are wanted.

4. Don’t reject strokes, when you don’t want them.

Steiner states that quite often people are given strokes which, for one reason or another, they do not want or don’t feel good about. He gives an example in his book of women who are ‘media’ beauties, mainly those who by chance match the imaginary standard which is promoted by ‘Playboy etc. They experience being constantly stroked for their beauty. He states that it is common for such women, especially after years of receiving the strokes to begin to resent them. He says that women who have these feelings, rarely, if ever, have permission to reject the strokes.

5. Don’t give yourself strokes. Self-stroking or what is called in Transactional Analysis ‘bragging’ is enjoined against. For example, children are taught that ‘modesty is a virtue’ and that self-praise and self-love are wrong and shameful in some way.

These negative messages, Steineer argues are the enforcers of the ‘stroke economy’ which most people carry around in their heads and which will mean most people will be undernourished of positive strokes in their lives. The aim of TA in a large defree of therapeutic work is to change the negative stroke economy of the client to a more positive stroking pattern.

Chapter 4

THE STRUCTURING OF TIME

INTIMACY GAMES

ACTIVITIES

PASTIMES

RITUALS WITHDRAWAL

Chapter 4

THE STRUCTURING OF TIME BETWEEN BIRTH AND DEATH

Having unstructured time on their hands makes people feel uneasy. Being bored for a long period of time is destructive to emotional well being thus people look for a way to structure the time in their lives. They will do it in different ways, however they do so in relation to the strokes they want to obtain in their lives and the risks they are prepared to take for this end.

There are six distinct ways that a person can structure the time in their lives. Sometimes, they withdraw from other people, sometimes, they engage in rituals, pastimes, activities, games and even intimacy.

1. WITHDRAWAL

This method of time structuring, where there is no interaction with another person has the advantage that it has no risk of rejection, but the strong disadvantage is that no strokes are received. There are many reasons for withdrawal but most of them are to do with not wanting to be in the ‘here and now’ situation.

RITUALS

Another way that people structure their time is with rituals. Rituals are ‘parent programmed’ which means that there is a strong element of ‘should’ or ‘ought’. In rituals, for example, such as funerals, baptisms and weddings, there is a strong element of how we should be and act.

People also ritualise their lives, for example, they work out their working day down to every minute they order their day almost in a military fashion. Perhaps, rituals are best summed up Eric Berne who defined a ritual as

‘a socially programmed use of time where everyone agrees to do the same thing’

In summary, rituals are to be found in everyday life from a mere “Hello’ how are you” which is a short ritualised transaction to such complex rituals such as weddings and funerals.

ACTIVITIES

Activities are adult programmed which means that they are a series of transactions used in one’s life to make something or solve problems. An activity is described by Berne as a

‘Common, convenient, comfortable and utilitarian method of structuring time by a project designed to deal with the material of external reality.’

PASTIMES

Like rituals, pastimes have a certain, predictable, repetitive quality about the nature of the transaction involved, but are more open ended that rituals. Pastime transactions are those in which people pass time with one another by talking about general, superficial subject areas in their lives, such as how they performed in a cricket match, the weather etc. The general exchange usually takes place with people who do not know each other very well. For example, people can pastime at a party, between one meeting and another, over lunch or between speeches.

One can also pastime by watching television, playing scrabble, cards, manopoly or even just discussing the news etc. Although pastimes are a useful, often pleasurable way of structuring time, strokes are very limited and not usually on offer, though it is also trust that risk of rejection is limited as well.

GAMES

Another way of structuring time in your life is games. Games for Berne are defined in his popular book ‘ Games People Play’ as the following:

‘A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well defined, predictable outcome.’

Games then go on all the time usually in people’s lives, they operate outside the person’s awareness and are played usually for excitement or more strokes from the person involved.(See next chapter for Games in more detail)

INTIMACY

The final way a person can choose to structure his time is intimacy. It is the most favourable for emotional well-being and achieving the highest premium of strokes. It is also the most risky in terms of rejection.Intimacy is based on the I’m OK – You’re OK basic position and it is game free and there are no ulterior transactions involved. In summary, an example of how people may choose to structure their time in any of the above ways may be paralleled by the people on a committee who may structure their time in the following ways.

1. A person in a committee meeting may choose to withdraw mentally from the meeting And may fantasise about his last business success. In other words, he may be at the meeting physically, but he is not participating in any other way.

2. A person at a meeting may use a programmed ritual, say for example, “Hello, how are You?” “Very well and you?” to structure time with another without being close.

3. The members of the committee may choose to have lunch together and thus structuretheir time in an activity mode.

4. The committee members may take coffee breaks together between negotiations, and talk about cars or just gossip.

5. A game often played in meetings by someone to structure their time is the ‘Yes but’ game.

For example:A : How can I get my budget estimates in on Thursday

B : Ask Smith to help

A : Yes, but he does not really have the experience

B : Ask the boss for more time

A : Yes, but he already said that it has to be in by Friday.

Here the committee members give solutions and they are all fended off indefinitely until the others give the game up and the game is won,

6. A member on the committee may choose to be intimate. For example, he may be really caring to his colleague when his project has been rejected by the chairman of the committee.

Chapter 5

GAMES – HOW WE PLAY THEM OUT IN LIFE

This chapter goes into detail about the games people play in their lives. It occupies a chapter to itself because of the importance of the subject matter and the part it plays in all out lives.

‘Games are a set of ulterior transactions, repetitive in nature with a well defined and specific for each of its players.’

They also involve each of the players in being party to a covert situation built on deceit and deception, as well as a distortion of the facts. Berne in his book ‘Games People Play’ says that games are clearly differentiated from activities, rituals, pastimes, by two chief characteristics.

A. Their ulterior quality

B. The pay off

Activities may be successful, rituals effective, and pastimes profitable but all of them by definition may involve content but not conflict and the ending may be sensational but it is not dramatic. Every game on the other hand is basically dishonest, and the outcome has a dramatic as distinct from exciting quality.

One must say at this point that games, of course, are played out of one’s awareness and that it takes more than one player to play the game. Once it is in a person’s awareness and it is still played out from that awareness it becomes manipulation. The games are played for excitement and to provide strokes from each person, whether they are negative or positive in nature, and they do of course provide many more strokes than rituals, pastimes, activities or withdrawal.

Games are basically destructive to emotional well being and therefor are in essence a block to intimacy. The following are a selection of the games we all play in our lives and that we learned originally in our childhood to get our own way and what we wanted to get our needs met.

1. Yes but2. Now I have got you, you son of a bitch3. Kick me4. Harried5. Look how hard I have tried6. Ain’t it awful7. RAPO8. Schmiel9. Uproar10. Wooden leg11. Stupid

These games above are all described in Berne’s book ‘Games People Play’, I have picked out only three common ones to describe in more detail here, the others are described more full in Berne’s book.

1. Yes but2. Harried3. Wooden leg

1. YES BUT

This game is a very common game that most of us have played at some time or other in our lives. Have you ever been in a situation where a person has asked you for advice with a problem, but whatever advice you give he then rejects, and usually responds with yes, but. If so, you have probably been involved with a person who has engaged you in the ‘Yes but’ game.

The ‘Yes but’ game can be played by any number of people and the people trying to give solutions to the problem will eventually give up and fall silent. The person who plays the ‘Yes bur’ game does so to maintain a certain position such as ‘nobody’s going to tell me what to do’ or ‘people are stupid’. It was in childhood that this person would have learnt to play this game to prove the position that his authority figures or parents ‘can’t tell me anything’ or ‘his parents are essentially stupid’. It is very much an I’m OK – You’re not OK position.

2. HARRIED

‘Harried’ is another very common game that is played out to justify eventual collapse or depression. A worker who plays out this particular game a lot will tend to say ‘yes’to everything and volunteer to work very late at work and will overwork continually even at weekends. Thus mixing work with pleasure to an excessive degree eventually, as he is not Superman, or James Bond, he will work himself into a harried state. His physical and mental health will go downhill so eventually he will have a breakdown or have weeks off work to recover.

3. WOODEN LEG

People who play this particular game a lot use some real or imaginary physical excuse for not achieving their potential in their lives.

Analysis of games

As said above people learn games in their childhood and play them to reinforce old childhood decisions and to play out their scripts. The person playing the game does so out of awareness and will achieve negative pay off at the end of the game. Games produce a high degree of strokes for the person although they may well be negative in nature. The game also structures time for that person and reinforces his life plan. The important thing to note here is that as you can restructure the time in your life to be the way you want it to be. You can change your games, give them up at least for a less dangerous game.

One of the major ways to understand your games is to use the Karpman Triangle which is a major innovation in Transactional Analysis and is a very good tool for understanding the games you participate in, in your lives.

THE KARPMAN TRIANGLE

Karpman said that all players will fall somewhere on this triangle, either into victims, rescuer or persecutor and that the game really begins when one person on the triangle switches to another position to play his game.

Rescuers are people who whilst trying to be helpful, will keep others dependent on them, do not really help them and in fact may not really like helping them in the first place.

Persecutors are people who enforce rules, put people down and make others suffer.

Victims are people who are continually put down and feel they are powerless to change their situation and life.

The players in the game will start off in their favourite position on the Karpman Triangle and will switch eventually to play the game. You are not in a game until a switch occurs. For example, the so called victim in the ‘Yes but’ game will eventually prove to himself that no one can give him an answer and thus they are not ok so he will then switch and persecute them for not helping him solve his problems.

The game formula

The use of the game formula is another way to analyse the games you play outside your awareness. The actual formula is as follows:

C + G + R – S – X - PAYOFF

C = the con, the ulterior message one person sends to another

G = the gimmick, the soft part in the second part, such as greed or self-righteousness.

R = the response, that the second player makes if hooked by the first player.

S = the switch, the first person then switches, and is followed by a moment of Confusion or cross up.

X = the confusion moment, it is when the second player is caught off balance by Sudden switch by the first player.

P = payoff that each player gets (usually familiar old feelings)

Whatever fits this formula is a game, if it does not fit it is not a game. For example, mere fact of repetition is not necessarily a game as there is no ulterior motive in repetition. In Berne’s book ‘What do you say after you say hello’, the following example illustrates the above beautifully. The clients asks “Do you think I’ll get better?” (the con)The sentimental therapist (the soft spot, the gimmick) replied “Of course, you will”. At this point the patient revealed his ulterior motive in asking the question, instead of saying “Thank you”, as in a straight transaction, she pulled the switch (the role switch) with “What makes you think you know everything?”.The doctor was thrown off balance by the patient’s response, (the cross up) and they both collected feelings (the pay off). The therapist was frustrated and the patient was elated at having conned the therapist. This game followed formula G pattern, and when both players receive the bad feelings, the game ends.

GIVING UP GAMES

Giving up his game is a major change for any individual, though it can be achieved. The first step is for the person to be aware of the games that he plays, then the person needs to analyse the roles that he or she plays in the game, then either interrupt them or avoid them and finally give them up altogether.Muriel James and D. Jongward in their book ‘Winning with people’ identify eight major ways to stop playing his or her game. A person may:1. give an unexpected response

2. stop exaggerating their own weakness or strength

3. stop exaggerating the weaknesses and strengths of others

4. give and receive positive strokes instead of negative strokes

5. structure more of their time with activities, intimacy and fun

6. stop playing rescuer – helping those who do not need it

7. stop playing persecutor – criticising those who do not need it

8. stop playing victim – acting helpless or dependent when really able to stand on own two feet.

The above are a number of useful ways to stop playing your games. The therapist who sees a game played in his group by the members, has various alternatives in this context.

1. Ignore it

2. Identify it and explain it in an adult way

3. Change it or

4. Play the game

In conclusion, all people play games and play them to different degrees of intensity, from first degree games to third degree games, with third degree games ending up usually with some irrevocable loss or damage either physical or material.

People play games to reinforce their old childhood decisions and to act out their psychological life plan. The major advantage for people in game playing is excitement and more importantly to gain strokes, though it also is a major way of structuring his time in life as well.

It is important to remember when talking about games that, like negative script decisions games can be given up, more positive strokes can be sought and your script can be changed or rewritten.

Chapter 6

SCRIPTS – YOUR LIFE PLAN

In the previous chapter, I have illustrated how people may choose to spend their time between birth and death. Each person however in addition has a preconscious life plan, or script as we know it in Transactional Analysis. This script, it is suggested was devised by the person within the first six years of their life.

The decisions which make up the scripts are usually made in response to messages which he feels coming from his authority or caretaker figures. These messages usually have the effect of inhibiting the child in some way. The script is based on the early decision one makes about how their life should be played out for them.

Eric Berne compares scripts to a life plan or play which unfolds as you live your life out. For him you choose the script of your play and what part you will play in it and how it will probably end. Therefore for him, the roles within the script are learned and rehearsed in childhood. They are learnt and rehearsed and acted out for that particular person. The person may be unaware of the life drama, at a conscious level but he will be propelled to live by it to the bitter end. For instance a person who was constantly being told he was stupid and not important when he was a child may make early decisions that he is worthless and then reinforces this decision by choosing friends in his life that do not really respect him ,and also to back this up may also choose a worthless career for himself.

In contrast to this, a child who is always appreciated by all around him may well decide for himself ‘I’m important, my family and friends care for me’ and ‘I like myself’. Both the above will play out their lives to prove to themselves that the early existential position they chose for themselves is really the right one not the wrong one.

THE FOUR LIFE POSITIONS

In Transactional Analysis, the child, within his first six years, will chose an existential position for himself and stick to that come what may in life. Berne states in his book that for him a person is born OK in life and that everyone is born a ‘prince or princess’, and that it is the society that may or may not turn him into a grog by the inhibiting messages that it passes down to that person.

T.Harris, author of the gook, ‘I’m OK – you’re OK’ contradicts Berne because he postulates that a child is not born OK because he is born helpless at birth and therefore depends on others for his life. Both positions have arguments for and against, my own position follows Berne very closely here in that for me people are born OK and that it is the frog authority figures which may turn the prince or princess into a frog.

1. The first and potentially healthy stance – I’m OK – You’re OK

This position is a mentally healthy position. If realised, a person with this position about himself and others can solve problems constructively. He accepts the significance of people and has a sense of emotional well being.

2. The second or projective position – I’m OK – You’re OK

People who take on this stance as an existential life position are usually people who feel victimised or persecuted. They blame others for their miseries. Delinquents or criminals often have this position, and take on paranoid behaviour, which in extreme cases leads to homicide.

3. The third or introjective position – I’m OK – You ‘re OK

People who take on this existential stance often feel powerless when they compare themselves to others. This position leads to withdrawal and in some cases suicide.

5. The fourth or futility position – I’m not OK – You’re not OK

People who take on this existential position often lose interest in living. They often exhibit schizoid behaviour patterns – extreme cases can commit suicide or homicide.

Scripts are like fairy tales

Many people live out their script as if it were a fairy tale that resembles the stories found in folklore, and mythology, for example:

1. Cinderella, who learns to accept suffering, while doing menial chores as she looks for a man who will rescue her from drudging.

2. Sisyphus, or there I go again

This is the person who like Sisyphus works very hard and gets to the edge of success, and at this very point gives up, stops working and loses everything he had sought after in his life.

3. Little Red Riding Hood

This is the woman who learns to entice men and then rebuff them as she goes on her way through woods and parks or lonely avenues in life.

Do the above remind you of people who may have followed that fairy tale in life as part of their script?

Eric Berne in his book ‘What do you say after you say hello?’ talks in length about people’s scripts which often seem to parallel fairy stories learnt in childhood. He identifies six major types of individual scripting based on six Greek mythological characters.

1. Never - Tantalus2. Always - Arachne3. Until/Before - Jason/Hercules4. After - Danocles5. Almost - Sisyphus6. Open ended - Baucis

For Berne, the Never script describes the person who never quite gets what they want – often denoted by many words such as ‘if only’. They go through life being tantalised but never being put out of their agony. Usually they have not received parental permissions to get what they need. Tantalus was the Greek mythical figure who through all eternity was to suffer from hunger and thirst in sight of food and water, but never to eat or drink again.

The Always script

This type of person who has adopted an ‘always’ script will, according to Berne follow the Greek mythological story of Arachne who dared to challenge the Goddess Minerva in needlework and as a punishment was turned into a spider and condemned to spend all her time spinning webs.

These sort of scripts say Berne come from spiteful parents whose prime message to the children is “If that’s what you want, then you can spend the rest of your life doing it.”

Until/before scripts

A person who adopts this particular type of script says Berne will follow the story of Jason who was told that he could not become a king before he had performed certain tasks. In due time, he got his reward and lived for ten years of happiness.

After scripts

People who take on ‘after scripts’ says Berne follow the story of Damocles, Damocles was allowed to enjoy the happiness of being a king until he noticed a sword hanging above his head suspended by a single horse hair. The motto of after scripts is ‘you can enjoy yourself for a while, after that your problems will really begin’

Almost scripts

The people who follow an ‘almost script’ follow the story of Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll a heavy stone up a hill and just as he was about to get the stone to the top of the hill, it rolled down again and he had to begin again. This is the classical ‘almost’ script. ‘Almost mad it’, ‘if only’ etc.

The open-ended script

Lastly people who adopt and open-ended script, Berne suggests will be in a ‘no winner’ script – or ‘pie in the sky’ script – in other words, the scenario follows the Greek story of Philomene and Rayeus who were turned into laurel trees as a reward for their good deeds. In other words, old people, who have carried out their parental intentions to the letter, do not know what to do next after it is all over, and spend the rest of their days like vegetables or gossiping like leaves, rustling in the wind. This can be the fate of many a mother whose children have grown up and left home, and also of retired men who, after forty years with the same company, which they have served loyally, do not know what to do with their lives.

Dru Scott and D.Jongward in their book ‘Women as winners’ tell of a real life Cinderella story like this.

‘When I was a little girl, I really felt happy, but my mom and dad did not get along and finally got divorced. Mom had to struggle because she did not have any way to earn money, and struggled to come through with the child support. Dad remarried when I was around twelve. His new wife had a family of her own. He could not support me and his new family so since my mother’s health was failing, it was easy to talk her into letting me go live with him. Everyone agreed it was a lot easier, but I never felt accepted by them, no matter what I did I was not good enough. I got all the hand-me-downs and it seemed like all the dirty jobs around the home were given to me. I got so I just wanted to be left alone.

Then I started to spend a lot of time with my mother’s sister, Aunt Rosie. She kept in close touch with Dad and was about the only relative, I could turn to.I don’t know what I would have done without Aunt Rosie. She made me clothes and seemed like the only source of comfort in what seemed like a miserable time. I really had a strong feeling that there was something better for me some place, if I could just find it. How I wanted to get out of that house. One night at a party I met Peter, we hit it off right away. He was considered a real catch and I had admired him from afar for quite a long time, but I couldn’t believe that I would ever meet him or that he would be interested in me. Six months later, we married. Was my stepmother surprised! I worked at the store whilst Peter finished college. After several years, I am beginning to think he is never going to finish…He starts one subject, and then drops out and takes up a whole new area of study. I do not like my job much, but I guess I will have to put up with it until Peter finds his niche and gets settled for a career.

Many Cinderella’s have a job and often do quite well, but never really aspire to higher positions even if they have the potential. Instead, they feel that they do other peoples dirty work. A Cinderella feels victimised a lot. This type of person often clings to a dream of hers that one day she will be whisked away by her prince in shining armour until then she will mark time here waiting for him to appear in her life.

Dru Scott and D.Jongward suggest nine things a person with a Cinderella life script can do to change their life plan.

1. Stop living in the future

2. Stop looking for a rescuer

3. Stop living through others

4. Stop marking time

5. Stop waiting until

6. Start living now

7. Start developing their own potential

8. Start setting realistic goals for their own accomplishments

9. Start going where men who like themselves and who like women are likely to be.

The above then are examples of how Berne, Dru Scott and D. Jongward all parallel life scripts to fairy stories and mythological figures. Berne however has a further classification of individual life planning. This splits into just three categories.

1. Winners

2. Losers

3. Non winners

The winners script for Berne is for people who are perhaps winners at work, have high life status etc., but lose out in other areas and in these particular areas, do not get their needs met. For example, the director of a company, who spends 90% of his time at work and only 10% of his time with his family may be missing out on intimacy in his life with his family and thus be depriving himself of some important strokes. This, says Berne, is not very good for his well being in emotional terms in his life. In the life drama, the audience may cheer here to a certain extent.

The second category, the losers have usually hermetic or tragic life plans. Losers in this section may go crazy or end up in an institution. For a loser’s script there is usually some third degree pay off with some irrevocable loss, i.e. Divorce settlements court action, physical harm. Berne says quite often these persons are loners or have withdrawn personality. The audience watching the drama would get their handkerchiefs out and weep at this point.

The last category, the non-winners or banal section is the very boring or drab script, says Berne. The people who follow such a script may well feel they are missing out on life in some way. The audience watching such a drama here, says Berne, would probably doze off, walk out, find it hard to keep awake or just be fed up.

Steiner’s classification of scripts

The final types of scripts which, I believe are important to note in this chapter are Clayde Steiner’s suggested types. Steiner who worked with Berne and is an important therapist and writer in his own right suggested the following categories of scripts, which people inevitably follow in their lives.

1. A joyless script

2. A mindless script

3. A loveless script

THE JOYLESS SCRIPT

This script, for Steiner, will include people who have very little free child, no spontaneity and not a very joyful child. The joyless script is best characterised by people out of touch with their feelings and ignoring bodily sensations and emotional responses. The therapy for this is for the person to do centring body work. For example, the work should be based on systematic re-establishment of contact with one’s bodily functions. Steiner believes this process can be facilitated by correct breathing patters.

THE MINDLESS SCRIPT

People who follow a mindless script, according to Steiner, will be people who have not had permission when young to think. He or she will have a small adult and may depend on people to ‘do it for me’. Indeed, people with this type of life plan will usually have very little control over their lives and will probably ultimately fear that they will go crazy.

THE LOVELESS SCRIPT

Finally the people who adopt this type of script will not have a good capacity for loving relationships. When younger they will not have had the permission to nurture themselves or others. This person, when young, may well have made a decision that she/he is unlovable and may well feel depressed a lot in their life.

Script apparatus

1. INJUNCTIONS

Injunctions are perhaps the most important and the most influential part of the script apparatus. They are negative messages that come from the person’s authority or caretaker figures. In this context, Bob and Mary Goulding’s work on script injunctions is invaluable. Both of them worked with Eric Berne in the late 1950’s and 1960’s and, after his death in 1970, they won the Berne memorial award for their work on script injunctions. They defined an injunction as:

‘Injunctions are messages from the child ego state of the parents, given out of circumstances of the parents’ own frustration and secret desires.’

These messages are all don’t messages and thus play a negative and inhibiting part on the true development of the person.

There are first, second and first degree injunctions are usually socially acceptable and mild injunctions. Second degree injunctions are devious and tough, usually enforced by crooked directives, threatening frown and maybe emotional blackmail. Third degree injunctions are very harsh and unreasonable. Words become screams and violence or physical threats are very likely. All injunctions then, vary in intensity and the intensity will depend on what physical reinforcements there may be with the negative message. The Gouldings in their work of 1975 on Script injunctions compiled a list of injunctions, which may be useful to note here. They are as follows:

1. DON’T BE YOU

A person, who has had this injunction passed to him repeatedly, will feel that he has no permissions to be himself, and will probably have felt that to get the strokes he needed, he had to respond to parental expectations rather than develop what he actually wanted. Usually, this leads to extreme overadaption to situations in life.

2. DON’T EXIST

This injunction is perhaps the most lethal injunction of all that a parent could pass down, because if a person feels that they have no right to exist, then their central right to live has been questioned. For example, an unwanted child who is abused and neglected from birth, will probably have a ‘don’t exist’ injunction, and will inevitably grow up to feel that their life was worthless and that maybe they should not be existing. In extreme cases, this leads to suicide.

3. DON’T FEEL

A child who is discouraged from expressing his feelings spontaneously or who is only allowed to express a narrow range of feelings, regardless of their appropriateness to situations, is likely to have received a ‘don’t feel’ injunction in childhood. Such people may grow up with a tendency towards addiction. When they get a feeling, they do not like; they suppress it with alcohol, drugs, and food.

4. DON’T GROW UP

A person, who is very dependent on their family – who have not had permissions to be independent when young or to experiment away from the family, may have received a ‘don’t grow up’ injunction. Indeed, often parents hate to see their youngest child leave childhood, home or enter into the threatening age of adolescence. ‘You’ll always be Mummy’s or Daddy’s girl.’ For some children, baby talk will be encouraged, even in adulthood.

5. DO NOT THINK

A person, whose thinking capacity is ignored, undermined, discounted, criticised or put down may receive a ‘do not think’ injunction from their authority figures. It may be verbal or not.

Other injunctions, the Gouldings mentioned include do not be close, do not belong and do not succeed. These above are the ‘do not’ messages and these commands are felt by the child to be imperatives. They will be very hard for the person to break or challenge because, in a sense, the person is being a ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’ for following their parent’s messages.

Counter injunctions or drivers

Another part of script apparatus, according to Berne, is the counter injunction or driver. This comes from the parent of the parent to the child ego state. They are the ‘DO’ messages, the permissions to ‘do’ something from the parent to get their permission or approval in life. For example, such messages might include:

a. ‘Work hard and make lots of money’

b. ‘Be perfect and you will get the love you deserve from us’

c. ‘Hurry up’

d. ‘Try hard and you get what you want’

e. ‘Make friends etc’

f. ‘Be strong and don’t show your feelings’

These counter injunctions are powerful authority messages and indicate to the child what he/she needs to do to get accepted in the family and to get the strokes they need to survive. ‘DO’ messages are in awareness, whilst most injunctions are out of awareness. By following the messages the child feels that they will be OK in life.

The above counter injunctions as well as the injunctions are what makes up the person’s life plan and the decisions that the person has made about themselves and life. A transactional therapist will be looking out for any sign of these ‘do’ and ‘do not’ messages and may construct a script matrix of the person to get some idea of how the person sees the world for themselves. This is important so that the therapist can then, with the client, make a treatment plan for change.

A SCRIPT MATRIX

A script matrix charts the way the structuring of our personalities were filled in during our childhood. For example, many script diagrams may be as follows:

P P

A P A

C A C

C

The arrows in the script matrix represent the vectors of communication between the authority figure and the child.

P – P represents drivers

A – A transmits the ‘here and now’ messages

C – C transmits usually the covert injunctions (negative)

Short script questionnaire

1. What kind of person was your father?

2. What kind of person was your mother?

3. If things keep going the way they are doing in your life, how will you End up?……….and if they get really bad?

4. What were you not allowed to do or feel in your parent’s home?

5. What did your father do when there were problems to be faced in your family?

6. What did your mother do?

7. What did you have to do to make your Dad smile or be happy?

8. What did you have to do to make your Mother smile or be happy?

9. What did they do when you were ill, had an accident, made a mistake?

10. What would a child have to decide about herself in order to survive in this family and get most of her needs met?

11. Describe the unpleasant feeling you have most often in your life. When You have this feeling, what do you believe about other people and the Quality of life?

12. Describe your earliest memory

13. Finally, what would you put on your tombstone?

The above script questionnaire shows how a person may see his life. It shows the injunctions and counter injunctions for the person. It also will help the therapist realise what rackets he has and what suppressed feelings he may have and what feelings he escalates. This will then help determine the diagnosis and treatment plan for the person involved.

Ways to start identifying your particular type of script.

Answering the following questions can help you start to learn more about what your script is.

Exercise 1

1. Which Greek mythological figure or fairy story do you identify with most and why?

2. What favourite role do you play in your story – rescuer, victim, Persecutor, other?

3. What parts do your supporting cast play?

4. Are these roles, themes really what you want to do with your life?

5. If not, what do you want to change?

Exercise 2

I found this exercise particularly useful to identify my script. It comes from M. James and D. Jongward’s book ‘Winning with people’, which I highly recommend.

Find a quiet place where you can sit down and will not be disturbed in any way. (This is very important.) Close your eyes. Project your life drama on an imaginary screen in front of you. Watch it from it’s beginning up to the present moment. Take your time. After your experience, consider:

1. Is it a comedy, a farce, a soap opera, a melodrama, a tragedy or what?

2. Does your play have a script theme? If so, is it success oriented or failure oriented? Constructive, destructive, or non-productive?

3. Imagine the audience watching the play of your life. Do they applaud, Cry, boo, laugh, go to sleep, want their money back or what?

4. Now ask yourself ‘Was I ever told how it would end up?’

5. If so, are you living up to this expectation?

6. How do you think people like you actually end up?

7. When you die what will others write on your tombstone?

8. Finally, is your current self-appraisal related in any way to your parent’s opinion of you as a child?.

In conclusion, then, a person is drawn to carry out his life plan according to early decisions he made about himself and life. Indeed, he will seek to reinforce these decisions.

Exponents of Transactional Analysis call on the clear plot lines of Greek mythology or fairy stores to clarify script types. Scripts can be destructive, creative, negative or perhaps constructive. It is important to remember that aware people can determine their own scripts and rewrite them the way they want, to enhance their lives. In Transactional Analysis, the therapist will facilitate the changes that you want to make, and the new decisions that you wish to construct so that you will be operating from a truly autonomous position, instead of being like a puppet on a string, which is being controlled by the negative and destructive messages of the past.

Chapter 7

The use of Transactional Analysis for positive change and problem solving in your life.

Having discussed the principles of Transactional Analysis in some depth, the next area that I want to look at is the application of Transactional Analysis in your life and the changes you may want to make.

Contracts and Transactional Analysis in therapy

The application of TA in your life will be about positive change for you and the aim of therapy is to achieve this. In Transactional Analysis the first stage in therapy is to make a contract. The contract is an arrangement for positive change between the therapist and individual concerned and is specifically concerned with the goal that the individual wants to achieve in his/her life.

Examples of contracts may range from a contract to lose weight, to make more friends, or to be close to someone. All these changes should be observable, so people around the person or the therapist himself will be able to see what changes the client is making for herself in her life. It is a commitment for change for the client.

Types of contracts

1. Contracts involving behavioural change.

2. Contracts involving health.

3. Contracts involving attitudinal change.

Once the contract has been established, the therapist and the individual can work towards the particular goal being achieved. The client will work either individually with the therapist or in a group, depending on their pathology. A Transactional Analysis group usually meets for two-three hours, one evening a week, and will consist of around eight to twelve people. The person may stay in the group anything from one month to several years, depending on whether their particular contract has been achieved.

Styles of TA Therapists.

The individual styles of TA therapists may well differ. However, most experienced transactional therapist, will have received a good training in psychotherapy, and also will have access to therapy themselves, if necessary. TA therapists will be aware of what is called the three ‘P’s in Transactional Analysis. These are as follows:

a. Permissions

b. protection

c. Potency

a. Permissions

This refers to the capacity of the therapist in permission giving from the therapist’s parent to the client.

b. Protection

Protection is an important part of Transactional Analysis therapy and it is vital that the client is protected by the therapists parent. When working, the client may well feel vulnerable and certainly, without this safety or protection, positive change for the client is unlikely.

Whether you go into therapy or simply use TA principles for yourself in life to look at certain problems, you will hopefully be working towards taking charge of your own life and doing what you want for you. Indeed, by understanding how you became the way you are in your life, and why we still live out our lives in so many ways according to our own subconscious life plan, by being aware and thus hopefully experiencing autonomy in our lives, which is after all, the major goal of Transactional Analysis or indeed most therapeutic models around today.

c. Potency

Potency refers to the power of the therapist to facilitate the client to achieve his contract.

Conclusion

In reaching, the end of this work, I feel a large degree of satisfaction and hope that you will have found the text of some use. Certainly, if in some way, you are more aware of the decisions you may have made, which make up your script and the games, you could be playing, I will feel it has all been worthwhile. The rest is up to you. If you feel you need to change your script or stop your negative games etc., the ball is in your court. It takes courage to change and to go into places within you, which may be familiar or unfamiliar to you, that may leave you feeling vulnerable, sore and very hurt. In the long run though, I can assure you it is worth it because to live your life how you want to is surely the greatest prize of all. You may decide the risk is far too great for you at the present moment; that is your choice and your right, as only you will know, when it is right for you to take the first step. For some people, the price may always be too high. As Berne says at the end of his popular book ‘Games people play’.

‘The sombre practice…(of our script) in which human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little chance, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait, is a common place, but not the final answer.

For certain fortunate people, there is something which transcends all classifications of behaviour and that is awareness; something which rises above the programming or the past and that is spontaneity; and something more rewarding than games is intimacy.

But all three of these may be frightening and even perilous to the unprepared. Perhaps they are better off, seeking their solutions in popular techniques of social action, such as ‘togetherness’. This may mean that there is no hope for the human race, but there is hope for individual members of it.’

My favourite TA tale

This is my favourite TA story. It is call a ‘Fuzzy Tale’ and it can be found in Claude Steiner’s book ‘Scripts people live’ published in 1974. Claude Steiner, who worked with Berne before his death was primarily involved in the innovation of the Stroke Economy in Transactional Analysis and was one of the most brilliant writers of all the TA theorists. This then is his tale. “Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived two very happy people called Tim and Maggie with two children called Tom and Lucy. To understand how happy they were, you have to understand how things were in those days. You see, in those days, everyone was given at birth a small, soft fuzzy bag. Anytime a person reached into his bag, he was able to pull out a Warm Fuzzy. Warm Fuzzy they felt warm and fuzzy all over. People who did not get Warm Fuzzies were in danger of developing a sickness in their back, which caused their spine to shrivel up and die.

In those days, it was easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up to you and say ‘I’d like to have a Warm Fuzzy’. You would then reach into your bag and give them a Warm Fuzzy, which would make them feel good all over. People were always asking each other for Warm Fuzzies. There was never any problem as there were lots to go around and as a consequence, everyone felt very happy, warm and fuzzy, most of the time.

One day a bad witch became angry, because everyone was so happy and no one was buying her potions. The witch was very clever and devised a very wicked plan. One day the witch crept up to Tim while Maggie was playing with their daughter and whispered in his ear ‘See here Tim. Look at all the Warm Fuzzies Maggie is giving Lucy. You know if she keeps this up then there will be none left for you.!’ Tim was astonished and asked the witch ‘Do you mean there is not a Warm Fuzzy in our bag every time we reach into our bag for one.’ ‘No said the witch ‘Once you run out, then that’s it. You don’t have any more.’

Tim took this to heart and began to notice every time Maggie gave a Warm Fuzzy to someone else. Eventually he got worried and upset because he liked Warm Fuzzies very much and did not want to give them up. He started to complain to Maggie every time she gave up Warm Fuzzies. As she liked him, she stopped giving Warm Fuzzies to other people as after and reserved them for him.

The children watched this and soon began to get the idea that it was wrong to give up Warm Fuzzies any time you were asked or felt like it. They too became very careful. They began to be worried if they gave away too many Warm Fuzzies even though they found a Warm Fuzzy every time they looked inside their bag, they reached in less and less and became more and more stingy. Soon people began to notice the lack of Warm Fuzzies and they began to feel less warm and less fuzzy. They began to shrivel up and occasionally people went to the witch to buy potions even though they did not seem to work.

The situation was getting serious, more and more people were dying, but as dead people could not buy his potions, he quickly devised a new plan. Everyone was given a bag that was similar to the Warm Fuzzy bag except this one was cold. Inside the bag were Cold Pricklies. These Cold Pricklies did not make anyone feel warm and fuzzy, but mad them feel cold and prickly instead. But they did prevent people’s spines from shrivelling up. So from then on, every time someone said ‘I want a Warm Fuzzy’ people who were worried about depleting their supply, gave out a Cold Prickly instead. Few people were dying, a lot of people were feeling cold and prickly.

The situation became more and more complicated, because since the coming of the witch, there were a lot less Warm Fuzzies around: so Warm Fuzzies which used to be free as air became very valuable. This caused people to do anything to achieve them. Before the coming of the witch, people used to gather in groups of three, four or five, never caring who was giving Warm Fuzzies to whom. But after the coming of the witch people began to pair off, and to reserve all their Warm Fuzzies for each other exclusively. People who forgot and gave a Warm Fuzzy away immediately felt guilty about it because the knew that their partner would resent this.

Another thing that happened was that some people would take Cold Prickles - which were limitless and freely available – coat them White and fluffy and pass them on as Warm Fuzzies. These were called Plastic Fuzzies and there could be additional difficulties, as these Plastic Fuzzies mad them feel bad when they thought they would make them feel warm. People got very confused about this. Thus things got very dismal and it had all started with the coming of the bad witch, who made people believe that some day, when they least expected, one might reach into their bag and find no more Warm Fuzzies there.

Not long ago, a young woman with big hips born under the sign of Aquarius came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard of the bad witch and was not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely and when not asked. They called her the Hip Woman and disapproved of her because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about running out of Warm Fuzzies. The children liked her a lot because they felt good when they were around her and they began to give out Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it.

The grown ups became concerned and decided to pas a law to protect the children from depleting their supplies of Warm Fuzzies. The Law made it a criminal offence to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless way, without a licence. Many children, however, did not seem to care and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it and always asked. Because there were many, many children, almost as many as the adults, it began to look like they would have their own way.

As, of now, it is hard to say what will happen. Will the grown up force of law and order stop the recklessness of the children? Are the grown ups going to join with the Hip Woman and the children in taking a chance that there will always be as many Warm Fuzzies as needed? Will they remember the days their children are trying to bring back when Warm Fuzzies were abundant because people gave them freely?

Grounding exercise

This exercise is specifically for people who are in their child ego state and indeed may escalate feelings a lot often when it is more appropriate to be in an adult ego state.

1. Make sure you are in contact with the ground in some way i.e. if you Sitting or standing up, make sure that your feet are placed firmly on theground.

2. If you are sitting down, make sure that you are aware of the contact of your bottom with the chair.

3. Look around your environment and check out what you observe – for Example, if you are in your room, observe what pieces of furniture you have in the room and what is on the wall etc.

4. When you have done that and grounded yourself in reality, take a few deep breaths and realise that you are in contact with reality and that you also can think and feel at the same time.

Exercise for problem solving.

This exercise needs another person, either your partner or a friend.

1. Talk to your partner about the problem – they just listen. 10 minutes.

2. Your friend then spends 5 minutes responding.

3. You talk about your fears, concerning the problem – your partner just listens 5 minutes.

4. Your friend responds – 5 minutes.

5. You talk with your friend about your sadness or anger concerning the Problem – 5 minutes.

6. They respond – 5 minutes.

7. You talk about what solution you want however unreasonable. 5 minutes.

8. Your friend responds – 5 minutes.

9. You discuss with your friend about:

a. how you may sabotage yourself achieving your solutionb. how your life will change if you get what you want – 10 minutes

10. Finally you make a contract with your friend about what you are going to do – that might even be nothing – I suggest that it is a contract, for change though and most importantly that it is a contract, that you can achieve as you do not want to set yourself up to fail. – 10 minutes.

One hour in length. The time can be shorter according to your own wants and needs . i.e. half if necessary.

Visualisations.

I suggest that you do this either with a friend or in a group, so you can feedback your feelings to them.

Visualisations as well as being a way of looking at what you might want are also a technique for re-decision and with this particular visualisation, the re-decision is all important. This visualisation should be practised at least once a day for say a week and then perhaps twice a week for a month in order to re-enforce the positive picture that you have made for yourself. Remember that we all visualise anyway whether negatively or positively. Here we are concentrating on the positive, as positive change is what I am concerned with.

First Visualisation.

1. Relax - take some deep breaths and check out how you are feeling, whether tense or relaxed. If any part of your body feels tense – I inviteyou to tense it up for five seconds and then let it relax.

2. Imagine you are nine years of age approx.

3. Picture yourself somewhere you feel happy, safe, and warm – maybe your favourite place, whether it be your bedroom, your garden, etc.Imagine what you are doing – how happy you are. You decide to go for a walk – leave your place – as you walk along you are very happy. Suddenly, you see a big white building which surprised you because you had not realised it had been built there. You are curious to see inside – so you open the door and look inside – Inside is a big room.In the middle of the room is a big white screen – to the side are television camera’s – you realise that it is to be a film of your life.

So, put yourself on that screen – the camera’s start rolling through the years of your life ‘til you are seventeen years of age. You are in your favourite place – you are happy – relaxed. Imagine your surroundings and feelings. The camera starts to roll up to your present age – you are in your favourite place and you are happy and contented – you have made the changes in your life that you wanted, you are now the person that you wanted to be – just take that in – feel what it is like being the way you want, having changed to be like you want.

Now brighten up your surroundings. If you are in a room, brighten it up. Paint it bright colours. If you are outside, make sure the sun is shinning and the sky is blue. You feel so great that you decide to take a picture of yourself – you have a camera with a self-timer – you take three or four picture for yourself: you put one on the wall, one in your pocket, and one in a safe place so that you can always look at it if you wish.

4. Now spend a few minutes, just allowing yourself to be and to allow in how you are now feeling, being the way you want to be.

After this come back to your present reality and when ready, discuss what you got out of the experience for you.

Second Visualisation.

What you want.

You are lying in a green meadow beside a stream. It is a hot day – no cloud in the sky – you are very happy – the sun is beating down on you and you feel warm all over. You drag your hand casually through the water, feeling the coolness of the water in your hands.

You decide to go for a walk in the meadow – you see in the distance a hill – you run to the top and when you get to the top you look over the other side.To your right is a still calm lake and to your left is a small wood – you see beyond the wood is a golden temple glistening in the sun – you are curious and decide to explore the temple – when you get to the temple, you open the vast doors and there in the big room inside there is nothing except a table with a big casket on it – you notice subscribed on the casket in bold gold letter you name!

So cautiously, but with excitement, you go to the casket and look inside and inside, is what you always wanted, what you had always dreamt of for yourself. You gently but softly lift your present our – you carefully walk out of the temple and make your way back to the meadow, where you had started from and look at your present once again.

Take some minutes to feel what it is like to have what you had always wanted just for you.

When you want to come back to reality and discuss your experience with your friend.

The following TA text books are recommended:

Eric Berne Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy (New York:Grove Press 1972)

Games People Play (Penguin 1970)

Laymans’s Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis(New York:Simon and Schuster 1957)

Principles of Group Treatment (New York – Oxford University Press 1964)

Sex in Human Loving (Penguin 1970)

The Structure and Dynamics of Organisations and Groups (Philadelphia: J.B.Lippincott 1963)

What do you say after you say hallo?(Corgi1975)

Claude Steiner Scripts People Live (Bantam 1974)

The Other Side of Power (Grove Press 1981)

Thomas Harris I’m OK – You’re OK (Pan 1986)

Amy & Thomas Harris Staying OK (Pan 1986)

M.James & D.Jongward Born to Win (Signet 1971-Addison Wesley)

J.M.Dusay Egograms. How I see you and you see me(Harper and Row 1977)

M.L. and N.R.Hammonwitz Suffering is Optional

Mavis Klien Lives People Live (J.Wiley & Sons)

(Not basically TA) The following suggested books are books I found useful not only in writing this short book, but also in my personal growth.

M.James It’s Never Too Late to be Happy (Addison Wesley 1985)

Janette Rainwater You’re in Charge (Turnstone Press 1981)

S.Ernest & L.Goodison In your own hands (The Women’s Press 1982)

M.Schiffman Gestalt Self-Help (Self Therapy Press 1981)

W.R.Passions Gesalt Approaches in Counselling(Holt-Rinehart & Winston 1975)

E.and M.Polster Gestalt Therapy Integrated(Vintage 1973)

Alexander Lowen The Betrayal of the Body (Collier 1969)

Carl Rogers Encounter Groups (Penguin 1970)

Dr.Dan Kiles The Peter Pan Syndrome (Corgi 1983)The Monday Dilemma (Arran 1985)

Robin Norwood Women who love too much (Arran 1985)

J.Lee Schiff All my Children (Evans and Co. 1985)

Footnotes and references

1. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)2. Mavis Klein- Lives people live (J.Wiley & Sons 1980)3. John M.Dussay – Egograms – how I see you and how you see me

(Harper and Rowe 1977)4. Eric Berne – Games people play (Penguin 1970)5. Claude Steiner – Scripts people live (Bantam 1974)6. Harris – I’m OK – You’re OK (Pan 1970)7. Claud Steiner – Scripts people live (Bantam 1974)8. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)9. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)10. Eric Berne – Games people play (Penguin 1970)11. M.James & D.Jongward – Winning with people (Addison -

Wesley1980) 12. T.Harris – I’m Ok – You’re Ok (Pan 1970)13. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)14. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)15. Eric Berne – What do you say after you say hello? (Corgi 1985)16. Dru Scott & D.Jongward – Women as winners17. Claude Steiner – Scripts people live (Bantam 1974)18. M.and B.Goulding –The Eric Berne Memorial Award 197519. Eric Berne - Games people play (Penguin 1970)20. Claude Steiner – Scripts people live (Bantam 1974)21. Eric Berne – Games