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St. John’s Cathedral Counselling Service Caring for the community since 1977

NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

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Page 1: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

St. John’s Cathedral Counselling ServiceCaring for the community since 1977

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Page 2: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Don’t ever stopdating your wifeand don’t ever stopflirting with yourhusband.

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Page 3: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Marriage and Love:A Little Bit of HistoryUntil the 18th century, marriagewas primarily seen as an"arranged" relationship for oftentimes political, economic and/orsocietal benefits. Some evenargued marriage was seen asan exchange of property first andforemost (the dowry system inIndia or Japan for example), withthe securing of a lineage asprobably the second motivatingforce behind marriages (thearranged marriages of certainroyal families across Europe forexample). However, not allarranged marriages before the18th century were without aspectsof love, romance and weddingceremony traditions that we stillsee today.

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Page 4: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

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Marriage and Love:A Little Bit of History con’tFor example, did you know that "tyingthe knot" came about during the greatRoman Empire period where husbandshad fun untying the knot from the girdleof their wife?Gifts at bridal showers started in 17thcentury Japan with the bride opening hergifts above her head in a traditionalJapanese parasol whereby the gifts wereshowered down upon her.The white wedding dress was madepopular by Anne of Brittany in 1499,stag parties initiated by Spartan soldiersin the 6th century B.C., and the Italiansduring the medieval times believed that adiamond in the engagement ring wasmade from the flames of love.Egyptians as early as the 12the centuryexchanged shoes after weddingceremonies to wish farewell to themarried couple long before the moremodern tradition of tying shoes andother objects on the back of the marriedcouple's honeymoon car.

Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.Gene Perret

Page 5: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

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Marriage and Love:A Little Bit of History con’tThe emotion of "love" has always been auniversal human factor for marriagesince the beginning of humankind, but itwasn't until the mid to late 18th centurywhere it finally became a key reason forwanting to spend a lifetime with another.For example, Duke William IX ofAquitaine (first of the troubadours)started the social practice of courtly love,a love that showed passion and romancethrough song and poems to win theheart of a woman for marriage.

The French in 1696 wrote of dutylove in The Bachelor's Directory, directingthe husband "If she (the wife) loves you,you cannot without ingratitude forbear tolove her," and the Puritan divineBenjamin Wadsworth around the sameperiod proclaimed that "The Great Godcommands thee to love her ... How vilethen are those who don't love their wives."Subsequently, as societies became morecivilized, modern and open to sexualityand expressing emotions, we have nowdiscovered other forms of love thatsometimes lead to marriage: agape love,phileo love, unconditional love, physical

love, emotional love, unselfish love,puppy love, friendship love, enduringlove, romantic love and others.At St. John’s Cathedral CounsellingService would like to propose anotherlove, a love we believe can strengthen andsustain a partnership for a lifetime; akind love. Kindness in almost allrelationships has been seen as one of thekey factors in lifelong relationships. Weinvite couples to come and spend timewith us in our pre-marital counselling tolearn more about a kind love to ensurean ever lasting love.

Page 6: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

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Love is bornthrough the

giving ofkindness.

Inderjeet Singh Rajpal

Page 7: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Pre-Marital Program OverviewOur Pre-Marital Program has two key themes:

i) Prevention and ii) Resilience;which when combinedformulates our marital well-being model we teach all ourcouples.

The Prevention part of the program focuses on helpingcouples improve upon communication, conflictresolution, work - life - marriage integration, maritalstage changes, relationship stress, and "healthy maritalrecipes."

Resilience, the second part of the program, providescouples with a wonderful, enriching and easy-to-understand model on how couples can sustain theromance and enhance their longevity factors. Coupleswill learn how to persevere through the various life -marital stages in life so their overall marriage, familyand individual well-being is preserved.

Page 8: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Part A: Prevention Track1. Communication skills: how we listen, how we talk, vocabulary choices,positive interruptions and healthy nags;Goal: to reduce the chances of a conflict (resolving things peacefully)becoming an argument (delaying resolution due to anger and fighting)2. Conflict resolution: difference between a conflict and an argument,types of conflicts, ways to interact in a conflict, post conflict healing;Goal: to ensure couples see conflict as a means to learn and remain close3. Marital (life) stages: exploring the challenges and opportunities in thesix marital stages, understanding physical and psychological changeswith the stage changes;Goal: to increase the sense of certainty and self-control over life duringchange4. Relationship stress: defining two areas of relationship stress, stressmanagement strategies, accommodating instead of compromising, lossversus change;Goal: to find ways to heal and nurture the self and others in times ofstrain5. Healthy marital recipes: exciting topics in areas of brain science andhow we can employ brain and body recipes for well-being, exploring thepositive psychology model for well-beingGoal: to enhance mindfulness for overall well-being

Page 9: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Part B: Resilience Track1. Relationship models: define the 6 types of marriages, learn about effectiveparenting, balancing friends, family and others, describe the happy anddesire elements of marriage;Goal: to develop realistic expectations and decrease conflict2. Intimacy: explore the five key intimacy areas of marriage, understandingthe difference and similarities of sexuality versus sensuality, intimate loveversus activity love, intimacy changes with aging and children;Goal: to better understand how to sustain intimacy over a lifetime3. Identity: keeping the I as you become a We, understanding the scarf's wewear (status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, fairness), career brain(achievement) versus family brain (attachment);Goal: to learn how to validate each other and strengthen the “we”4. Well-being: happy life versus the good life, being positive (thankfulness) ina marriage and being optimistic (perseverance) in marriage, materialism(meeting basic needs) and materialistic (satisfying transitional wants);Goal: to develop a healthy lifestyle that nurtures love and kindness5. Values and Expectations: defining values that guide relationshipenrichment, clarifying expectations (with the self and others), integratingvalues within cross-cultural relationships, highlighting 5 basic life skills forwell-being.Goal: to ensure the marriage has a clear sense of purpose and meaning thatsupports other areas of life

Page 10: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

A forever love isrealized through:

Know yourselfBe yourself

Trust yourselfLove yourself.

Page 11: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Enrollment DetailsOur Caring FacilitatorsSt. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program who has over30 years of experience counselling couples from various cultures and backgrounds in family and marriage. Our pre-marital counsellors are qualified with master's degree achievements in relationship, family and marriage and many yearsof experience. The program is mixed with humor, learning, sharing, reaffirmation of the value family and marriage bringsto happiness, and numerous handouts for future reference.

Medium of Instruction/MaterialsEnglish, Spanish, French, Japanese, Cantonese and Mandarin.

Certificate of CompletionUpon completion of the Pre-Marital Program, all participants receive a beautiful Certificate of Completion and asupporting letter from our Executive Director that is recognized by most religions and faiths. Couples should contact theirwedding minister to ensure the program at St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service is accepted.

EnrolleeThe Pre-Marital Program is conducted on a couple only basis, it is not done in a small group format as seen in the comedyfilm License to Wed starring Robin Williams. Our Pre-Marital Program is open for persons, of all faiths and religionsand/or for those who are not religious or have a faith.

Page 12: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Enrollment DetailsTailor madeOur pre-marital program can also be designed to meet the requirements of your church and clergy in most instances.

Appointment TimesSessions can be conducted daytime, evenings and week-ends. Special arrangements can be made for Sunday sessions.

VenueSt. John's Cathedral Counselling Service - On Hing Building - Central Hong Kong

RegistrationEmail your request for more information and/or to enroll in the Pre-Marital Program at [email protected] or call us on2525 7207.

PaymentWe accept cash, cheque, EPS and/or credit card (VISA, MasterCard, American Express).

Pre-Marital Program FeesFees are based on a sliding fee scale. Standard number of sessions for Pre-Marital program are ten (10) but actual numberof sessions required for completion depend on various factors, to be discussed at initial session.

Page 13: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

We would like to take this moment to wish you both a lifetime of kindness, intimacy, good health,laughter and growth in your upcoming marriage.

Dr Mark and all the counsellors and staff at St. John’s Cathedral Counselling Service

Page 14: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

LORD, let our vows remainsafely in our heart.

The love that we knownlet it not depart.

Teach us to stand togetherto face the world’s demands . . .Remind us that marriage takes

two pair of loving hands.Amen

Page 15: NOTE - St. John's Counselling Service Marital Counselling May 2014.pdf · St. John's Cathedral Counselling Service Executive Director developed and oversees the Pre-Marital Program

Contact Details for Fun and Learningwith our

Pre-Marital Program

Suite 7/DOn Hing Building

1 – 7 On Hing TerraceCentral

Hong Kong

Telephone:2525 7207

Email:[email protected]

Web:www.sjcshk.com