Nomadic Magazine No.1

8/14/2019 Nomadic Magazine No.1

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I’ ve known Vince Shaw for over ten years now. He has been living inTurkey nearly a decade now. He has worked as an English teacher herebut he never had the proper paperwork, meaning working permission. hesays it is was next to impossible for him to get legal working permission.This is not as uncommon a situation as you might imagine. More thanhalf of all foreign English teachers in Turkey have, at one time or another,

worked illegally.

The Turkish bureaucracy takes so long processing paperwork that many teachers are well into the sixth month of their year contract before they receive any reply to their working permit application. The general rule is:Don’t make waves, don’t make enemies and keep a low profile and it should be ok. But sometimes it isn't.

Vince agreed to tell me about his experience only if I did not use his real name.

So, last year wasn’t your best year, I take it.

Yeah, you can say that.

Can you describe for our readers how you got into this mess?

The mess that was last year? Well, through a friend I met this doctor and his wife. Let’s

call him Penguin and Cat woman. They operated a small CRO business with about 10employees. They wanted to offer me a job with their company.

CRO?

Clinical Research Organization. What they do is help arrange clinical drug trials withdoctors. The doctors find patients and then they test the drugs and submit the results foranalysis. The CRO is there to make sure the doctors are following the proper protocol.

Got it. So how much experience had you had with Clinical research?

About 0%. Still, what they wanted .. at least.. initially, was somebody to help their staff

with their English, for writing emails and speaking on the phones and face to faceinterviews with the clients. I was on board with that. No problem.

I see. But you said “initially"?

About a month into it, the owner, this doctor, Penguin, I mean, decided that he liked mypresentation skills so much that he wanted me to train his staff on Clinical research aswell.

So let me get this straight. You were asked to give training about a subject you knew nothing about to experienced staff? What did you say?

I said, hmmm.. ok. You have to understand Turkey. Anything is possible. Everything islearning by on the job training. I was no more unqualified than anybody else there.None of the employees had a background in medicine, at that time. But this company is

not at all unique in this way.Actually, I told them-repeatedly- that I could not do it. But I told them that I couldprepare a program for them and supervise the re-training. I wanted the owner or themanager or the supervisor to do the actual training. I was fine with that.

But that didn’t happen?

No. That didn’t happen. The Penguin was so encouraging. Also, the person who should

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Interview with Vincent ShawTurkish Annus Horriblis



have been responsible fortraining was the supervisor.I think they called her a linechief or something like that.The supervisor-who was abully, by the way, loved to

shout orders at people butwas secretly very self-conscious that she might notbe doing her job accordingto the rules. She was likethis Gorgon who behavedlike some kind of topexecutive, coming an goingwhenever she liked. Also,she was very worried that,if the employees learnedthe rules they would seehow she was doing things

incorrectly.Even when she trained newemployees she would givethem meaningless or pettytasks or give them taskswithout explaining to themhow it fit into some kind ofoverall structure. This was,in fact, her idea of training.

And I would imagine that

following the rules is pretty important to this line of work?

Exactly. They have this thingcalled SOPs which meansStandard OperatingProcedures. And everysingle detail is laid out onhow to do this and how todo that and what to do ifthis happens.

But then, shouldn’t this be pretty easy in terms of training?

Well, the owners didn’twant the employees to seethe SOPs. I never could

figure that out but I think ithad something to do withwhere they came from. Ithink the set of SOPs werestolen from her previousemployer and she wasafraid of the legalramifications if they everfound out. So she kept theonly copy of the SOPslocked in a cabinet in the

hallway.

Hmmm.. ok. So whatdid Penguin expectyou to do exactly?

Training. He wantedme to train the staffand train newemployees as well.Never mind that Iwasn’t qualified. Itold him over andover that I was anEnglish teacher. Buthe kept saying he

knew this but he wassure I could do agreat job.

Why didn’t you simply decline the offer?

First of all, I suppose Iwas sick of teaching. Ithink I needed a break. Iwas looking for somedifferent kind ofchallenge. Secondly, it

looked interesting. It hada future and also, heoffered me a lot ofmoney to start. Money isNOT a problem in CROs.Last of all, I reallyhonestly believed I coulddo it.

Our main – our onlyclient, actually- also had apublishing company forClinical Research. So my

first step was to ordertraining books throughthis company and studythe materials intensively.

What about working permission? Was that going to be a problem?

Penguin told me that, Ithink, this was the firstthing he said, that hiscompany would hire meas a English

teacher/advisor as apermanent position in thecompany. The lawyersaid that this sort of thingwas done all the time. Itwas just a formality.

Did you believe them?

Sure. Why not? I had noreason not to believethem. After all, I assumedthat they needed me nomore or less than I

needed them. So whatwould have been point oflying?

If rules were not so important to them, I imagine you saw a lot of dubious things going on.

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Interview with Vincent Shaw

Turkish Annus Horriblis





the test, Penguin walkedthrough the room andsnickered and left.Afterwards, he asked me ifI had seen “The Joker”cheating on the test. He

thought it was veryamusing.

But you didn't?

No. I didn’t. I mean, thisguy was like 30 years oldand he was acting like akid in junior high. After all,following the rules andNOT cheating is probablythe most important point ofthe training anyway. Moreimportantly, the owner’s

attitude was, like, isn’t thatcute?

So what did you do?

I told them that they wouldhave to speak to him andwarn him. It was not fair tothe others who had studiedthe books.

Did they?

They said they would butthey didn’t. It was like theywere afraid to make thisguy angry. They wereintimidated by their ownemployees, especiallypopular ones. I waited forsome kind of action. Imean, if they hadn’twanted to make it a largerproblem then they couldhave told the supervisor tospeak to him. But instead,they simply laughed about

it.And what did you do?

I told them I was not thereto teach children andsuspended the trainingprogram. I waited andwaited but nothing

happened.

During that time, so manyother things werehappening. In fact, Penguinhated one of the keyprinciples of companyorganization and structure.Job Descriptions. He hatedthem. He thought theywere unnecessary andrestricting. He wanted allof the employees doingwhatever he asked them todo. Including me.

So when were you given the job of Human Resources in a Turkish company?

Well, I can’t say. Everyother week my positionwould change. It dependedon her moods [Cat woman,the owner] and his brightideas [Penguin, the owner]..or what he had promisedsomebody else. I think Iwas Business Developmentofficer at the same time as Iwas Human Resources.

I get the impression that you didn’t think much of the owner’s business

practices. Am I correct?

It was like some kind ofMBA study of how NOT torun a company. I supposethe biggest.. or should Isay, over-riding problem-was that the husband andthe wife , the owners anddirectors-used the companyas a battle ground for their

crappy marriage. They gotto a point where theydidn’t want to even bethere at the same time. Hewould make this bigannouncement – his latest“ great idea”- and then she

would come in and telleverybody to ignore it. Thiskind of thing kepthappening.

Example?

I remember one timereminding them that,according to Turkish LaborLaws, the employees wereentitled to some kind ofvacation time. A few hadbeen there something liketwo years without havingany real time off. She was,like, annoyed. He told meto make the arrangements.

So, I checked back to

starting dates of each ofthe employees anddetermined if they hadworked a year.

To see if they qualified for a paid vacation.

Right. She came to me andsaid. “No. No. This isn’tright. You will give all theemployees a vacationbefore the end of thisyear.” I tried to tell her that

some of the employeeswould not have completeda full year before thecalendar year would end.But you could see the lightin her eyes kind of fade.She said, I mean, reallysharply, “This is HOWmajor companies in Europedo things!”

And what happened?

Well, I gave everybody a

calendar and asked themto arrange their holidays tobe used before the end ofthe year. Which they did,even though some of them

had started like 6 monthsbefore. And this was in

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October or so. Anyway,they had not completed ayear.

So after the vacation dateswere coordinated, CatWoman comes in, takesone look at it and says, “Ididn’t approve of this. Noway. You will have to tellthem this will not beacceptable.”

You mean, after you told them they could have vacations.. you had to go back and tell them they couldn’t have one?

Exactly. She denied that

she had insisted on it andtried to blame me for it.But, as I said, this is just asmall example. She wasalways doing things likethis. But her dishonestywas much worse. Also shehad this very destructivelove for gossip with theemployees.

What about “ThePenguin”?

First of all, it was an opensecret that he was cheatingon his wife. I mean,everybody knew about itbecause he liked to bragabout it all the time. Thatmade things prettyuncomfortable, of course.

Also, he liked to underminecompany rules. One time,we had an employee thatlike press the limits of

office dress. You know,very low tops without abra, very high skirts. Nowthis is a very touchy subjectfor a lot of women and adress code is like anightmare for a HumanResource office. Anyway,

sometimes it was her hair.Sometimes it was her top.Sometimes it was her skirt.One day, Cat woman, whohad been noticing this,came and said, “Well,

bingo. Today ‘s all three atthe same time.” I have tosay, it was a bitembarrassing.

What did you say?

I asked her to go homeand change into somethingmore suitable for an office.I have to say, we werehaving guests that day. soit was pretty important togive a good impression.

She handled it ok and leftand came back looking abit better. Problem solved?

No. She immediately wentto Penguin and complainedabout the dress code. Hetold her to ignore it andthat I must have been in abad mood or something.

One thing I don’t understand. Obviously the conditions were bad. Why did you stay there?

Good question. First of all,every day was not anightmare. Some dayswere pretty rewarding.And I suppose I haveworked in some prettycrappy jobs in the past.Penguin kept telling methat I was doing a goodjob and he appreciated myinput. I always felt like I

was making slow progress.But, by Christmas time, Iwas about finished.

What happened then?

We had had a audit fromthe client which was, like, a

super big deal. We hadbeen informed about itabout 3 months in advance.I had drawn up a scheduleso that by the time of theaudit, we could have

checked and doublechecked everything. Itgave us plenty of time tomake sure every last detailwas correct.

So..?

Cat woman ignored it.Forget about Penguin. Hegenerally refused to takeany active part in officeoperations, despite beingthe director of operations.

So weeks passed and I dideverything I could to gether interested. At least sothat I could have my owndepartment ready.

In the end, she waited untilthe very last day. Shemade bad fakes of trainingsessions that had neverhappened and bogus jobdescriptions and slippedthem into my files on the

morning of the auditors’visit. I had no idea until wehad to bring the files to theauditors.

When the auditors sawthis, they immediatelycalled me in for aninterview. They askedquestions about thetraining and I told them thetruth. I told him that I hadno idea where those

documents had come fromand they, as he could see, Ihad signed none of them.He asked me,”You don’thave any background inHuman Resources orBusiness Administration, doyou? What makes you

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think you are qualified todo this particular job?”Talk about degrading .

What did you say?

I said, “Hell if I know.”

Seriously, I told him that ithad never been mydecision in the first place.But that was when Idecided that, unless theypay for some serioustraining in HumanResources, I would have totake my final bow andleave.

But you never got a chance to resign did you?

No. Well, not as I hadplanned anyway.

I’d like to go back a bit.Now you had had

problems with obtaining working permission, is that correct?

When I first started at thiscompany, I kept asking theowners and the companylawyer whether they weresure it could be arranged. Itold them that from myunderstanding, it is notexactly easy for aforeigner to get workingpermission unless underspecial circumstances.

The lawyer was a realclown. A round man withfat face that was alwayssweaty. When he did theTurkish kiss thing, it waslike somebody pressing a

cold slab of meat on yourface. Let’s call him, Blimpo.He kept assuring me thatthis was a minor problem. Iwasn’t a lawyer so whatcould I say, but I rememberhaving my doubts. I even

asked him, how sure hewas.. out of a hundredpercent.

And he said?

99%In the end?

It never happened. Blimpocame back and said itcouldn’t be done. Therewere new labor laws- a lie-and this made everythingharder.

So that was when I made acounter offer. I asked thelawyer if I were a partner,say 2% share, would that

make any difference. Tomy surprise, the ownersthought this was a goodidea too. So this is the wayit went.

And when was this?

This was much earlier. Ithink it was in that firstsummer. I was only therefor a year. Started inJanuary of 2007. The time Iam speaking about isaround July of 2007.

Got it. So you became a partner in the company?

No. Not exactly. I guess Catwoman, Penguin’s wife,objected to it. Penguincame to me the nextmorning and suggestedthat we could start a newcompany. The strangestthing. I never had to put

any money into at all.Penguin arranged the startup money.

So you were now a partner in a company.

Well, only 10 percent. He

had told me that thecompany was a real one..meaning, a profit makingenterprise. But whenever Isuggested ways of tryingto make profit, he would

change the subject oragree and nothing wouldhappen.

So, like, what was the point? Besides giving you the right to work.

I think he used thecompany as a kind of taxdodge. Something slightlyshady, I guess. Or maybehe was billing the client tohis main company for

services we were supposedto be giving his maincompany. I do know theone time I was able to seethe books, I found a lot ofthings he would havetrouble explaining to thetax man. Curtains andhome furnishings. Ofcourse, he kept the booksunder lock and key most ofthe time. I kept asking for acopy of my contract and anitemized list ofexpenditures and profits.But he would always makeup some excuse. You haveto remember he and hiswife, Cat Woman, werenever there. Or she wouldbe there and he would begone or the other wayaround.

But then, how did the company function?

It didn't. The employeeswere generally allowed todo whatever they wanted.I did my best but it was likeplaying chess with about 7people at the same time. Itwas crazy. The worst

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employees were alwaysgiven special treatment.

For example?

Example, this was a smallto middle-sized company

and yet he had companycars for four of theemployees. He had boughtthem and they wereallowed to drive them aspersonal cars. Taking themhome every night and heeven paid for gas. I askedhim if it wouldn't be betterto lease a car or maybetwo and have them sharethe car when needed. Hesaid, no. This is normal for

a company. It makes theemployees happy. He wasalways interested inmaking people happy. Itwas like our companymission. One time he evenmade a bar on the roof ofthe building. It was reallysurreal.

Indeed. But how did he afford it?

Credit. Everything was puton credit. He had this stackof maybe 50 credit cardsthat he would flip throughevery time he boughtanything. It made youdizzy to watch.

So let me get the time line straight. You started giving classes. Then you became the Human Resources Officer but as a partner in

a completely different company. How did that work?

I was called a consultant.So the main company hiredme as a Human ResourceConsultant. But even that

didn't make much sense.He had printed outbusiness cards with themain companies name. Iwas also BusinessDevelopment Officer too. I

liked that a lot. But then hewould lie to everypotential client and badly.

What was his problem, do you think?

Well, he couldn't tell thetruth. He would lie to hiswife, he would lie toemployees, to his girlfriend,to his client. Many times, itwasn't even necessary. He

just liked to lie. It was somekind of ego thing, I guess.

Weren't you ever suspicious?I mean, if he is telling lies all the time-

I was. Of course, I was. Butthen he told me about allhis lies to other people sofor some stupid reason, Ithought he was not lying tome. Also, he and his wife

took so little interest in thecompany, I supposed that Ihad some kind ofimportance at thecompany. I worked my tailoff in the company. By theend of that year, what withthe stupidity ofmanagement position, thesliminess of his businesspractices and his hostilewife, I was definitely readyto give my notice. I was fed

up and stressed out. Notsleeping at night andwaking up angry everymorning. I just wanted towalk out.

But..?

But then the tax man came.

What.. was this a regularinspection or..?

I doubt it. All I know is this

guy suddenly appears andeverybody goes nuts.Some old guy like BorisKarloff. Cheap polyestersuit. Brown. With stripes.gray mustache and smelledlike the cheapest brand ofcigarettes.

Scary image.

Actually I wasn't all thatscared. I didn't think I

personally had anything toworry about. Everything Ihad signed was legit as faras I could tell.

What exactly was he looking for?

It didn't matter. KnowingPenguin and his wife, hewas bound to findsomething. Anyway, thoseguys can always find

something. It's their job.Penguin just made it realeasy.

The first thing the Tax mansaid was that I shouldn't bein the office. I was aforeigner and I wasn'tallowed to work.

But.. you were a partner in the company, right?

Yep.

You were not allowed to work at a company you were a partner in?

Shocking isn't it? As amatter of fact, his reportdidn't actually say I was

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working. I was merely inthe office and suspected ofworking. But if you hadasked me, I would havesaid that I was working. Ithought.. I mean, I was told

that it was all perfectlylegal. Why would I lieabout it?

Let me see if I got this right.You were allowed to be a

partner. You are allowed to invest your own money in a company. But you are not allowed to come to the office?

According to what he said.

But that's the funny thingabout Turkey. There are nolaws. Nothing is fixed. Itchanges depending onwho you speak to. Today itis like THIS. Tomorrow youlearn it was not like THIS..who told you that? It isreally like THAT.

So what did you do about the tax man?

According to what he said,

I would have to pay a fine.I mean two fines. One forme personally. And one forthe company. Since thecompany had hired meillegally.

Your company you mean? Right. I was plenty upset.Penguin and his wife wereupset. In the end, Penguinpaid the fines. After all, itwas his mistake. Or thelawyer's, I mean. I was toldover and over that I waslegit. I wasn't a lawyer, Iwasn't an expert in Turkishlaw. How could I know?

If Penguin paid the fines,then what was the

problem? Was that the end of it?

Not quite. a month later,the foreigner's office called me. The police, I mean.They said I was to report to them the next morning.Very business-like and official.

Why?

They didn't say. Theywouldn't tell me. But Iasked Penguin.

And he said..?

Well I asked him if heknew why they might becalling. And his answerwas, "No, not really." I justlooked at him. Not really?Either you know or youdon't.

So you think he must have known?

Of course. Also he kept making excuses why he

couldn't pay my full monthly salary. He could only manage half. So I guess he knew something was about to happen. For me, it came out of the blue.And that was when my

problems REALLY began.

The conclusion of the interview will be posted in the next edition of the magazine, due out in the next month.

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A Balcony View of Entropy

One morning several years ago I was sitting on mybalcony, having my coffee in my sweat pants and T-shirt like some kind of Chaplin aristocrat. It was myday off and I had made no plan but to be as lazy asa house cat all that day. The birdies were a twittering and

the coolness in the air was just beginning to fade into what wassure to be another smothering late summer day. Just out of reach

was a lemon tree with a few surviving fruit. Life, it seemed at that

rare but rapturous moment, could hardly be much improved upon.

However, that morning was not as glorious for others I noticed. On one side of the parkinglot, I saw a man attempting to restart his car. The fading circular grumbling sound told me

that his battery was dead. Coincidentally not too far away, I spotted another neighbor similarly distressed. During the night, his right front tire had gone flat. Added to that,

apparently his spare tire was also flat. (My father would have torn him to shreds for allowing

such negligence.)

I watched them both grow increasingly angry and frustrated until each one called a mechanic

for help. Their mornings clearly were off to a bad beginning. Eventually, of course, they

managed to solve their individual problems and arrived to their prospective offices a fewhours late.

Later, after some idle deliberation about what I had seen, I realized something. At no timedid either of the two men look past their own difficulties and make commiseration. Howhard it would have been to make some kind of neighborly greeting, if nothing else, to share

the aggravation? I have seen it often enough in Midwest. If one man

had a car problem,a committee of husbands would be formed andsome makeshift solution would be arranged. It struck me as a bit

odd that it hadn't happen in this case, as well. After all, nobody can

fault Turks for not being social.

And if either of these men had made the least little attempt at

sharing and empathizing, they might have quickly solved their own

problems. The man with the flat tire could have used his car as a jump for the other man, and the first man could have, in exchange, driven the second man to

the gas station to air up his spare tire.

Pain shared is pain lessened; joy shared is joy increased. Thus do

we refute entropy. Spider Robinson

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http://www.gaia.com/quotes/Spider_Robinson






Encountering Politics-Turkish Style

In most tourist cities in Turkey, (or well, anywhere in the Mediterranean really)you will find something called "bar street" and as the

name would suggest, it is there you can find anynumber of establishments for dancing, drinking andplaying the dating game.

Due to their close proximity, each bar isobviously in direct competition with eachother and, if the truth be known, there ishardly much difference between any of them.The same menu, the tired and dazed facesbehind the bar could be interchangeable, the

same service and inflated prices (and yes,that is not an accident) and the vulgar decoris hopelessly predictable- dizzy, spinninglights and dark nooks. There is, in fact, noreal variety between them and one bar is nobetter and no worse than the other. In theend, it all works out because, as there is littlereal variety, the clientèle- which is, in fact,the only variable here- tends to shift easilyfrom place to place.

A stroll down a bar street can be a fairlynerve-frazzling experience. A young manwith an open shirt and a goatee/piercing/tattoo or silly hat, generally a very VERYextroverted type with great English and hipto the point of being on the other side ofdodgy, attempts to lure the unsuspecting andgullible into the bar. The music is set onLETHAL-(The Greatest Hits of Eurovision,

for example) and your chest vibrates like thetop of a drum.

Campaigning in Turkey is a lot like a walkdown any bar street. Unlucky you if youshould be caught on the sidewalk as a

campaign bus( speakers onwheels,actually) comesdriving upbeside you. It is

like being hitwith intense X-rays for a fewshuddersomeseconds. An over modulated yet somehowscreechy woman's voice screams deliriouslyabout the [insert your own three letters here]Party which hits you like a ton ofincomprehensible bricks. On the sides ofthese "noise-mobiles" are the grossly-

enlarged faces of the smartly dressedpolitician with smiles and that dreamy glintof optimism in their whale-like eyes. And,then, as if God has heard your prayer, thevan passes by and you are surrounded byothers pedestrians with benumbed scowlsand disgusted sour expressions. It must behow a vampire feels when caught in a beamof sunlight.

When a politician comes to a city to rally hissupporters, he or she will inevitably hang anenormous- (and I mean, building sized)poster on the side of a tall structure ofhimself next to Attaturk, looking gallant anddignified as ever. There is a lot of mindless

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flag waving and, a week later, anotherpolitician comes and makes his noise, flieshis banners and makes his promises. And

somehow, poor Attaturk's face appears next

THIS pole's face as well. Can they ALL havethe same political ideology as the founder ofthe Republic? Is that possible?

The local elections are to be held on March29th and local issues seem to be taking abackseat- I mean, how else can you explain

nobody talking about city arsenicpoisoning (AND shortages) in the city

water supplies of the largest cities inTurkey? Instead, this election appears tobe more of a referendum about theruling AKP party. There is here inTurkey a deep-seated cynicism andgeneral indifference to the outcome ofany election. I still haven't figured outwhether it is a realistic view or whetherit is merely a self-fulfilling, self-defeatingway of seeing politics. I will let you

know.. but on the other hand, who can blamethe voters for not having much faith in asystem based on a bar street mentality?

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This magazine is a trialrun. Please forgive mefor any mistakes- I amsure there are plenty!I

am sure it will improveas I learn more aboutlayouts and how to domore things with theprogram. I hope you willtake a couple of minutesand drop me a note onmy blog to tell me whatyou thought. Thanks forreading.

http://nomadicjoe.blogsSMILE!!!

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Nomadic Magazine No.1