NOBODY'S PERFECT by Rick McCormick - SimplyScripts · NOBODY'S PERFECT by Rick McCormick 2322 Aralia Street Newport Beach, CA 92660 714.292.8688 ... head to toe. The two figures sneak

NOBODY'S PERFECT

by

Rick McCormick

2322 Aralia StreetNewport Beach, CA [email protected]

Copyright 2013 Rick McCormick

FADE IN:

EXT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Moonlight splashes onto TWO FIGURES dressed in black fromhead to toe. The two figures sneak up the driveway.

The figures enter through a side yard gate. One SLAMS theirleg into a meter box. The figure writhes in pain while theother uses a hand to cover the injured partner's mouth.

They slip in through a side garage door which makes a LOUDCREAK. They freeze, then continue on.

GARAGE

The moonlight in the doorway frames the two figures as theycreep toward a door connected to the home.

One of the figures trips over a fallen bike. The figuregrabs his leg and hops up and down. The other figure coversthe injured partner's mouth.

INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT

The two figures slither upstairs. One signals to the otherto go to the master bedroom, then creeps to the end of thehallway toward a door.

The figure turns the doorknob and slowly opens the door.

BRENDA'S BEDROOM

The walls are covered with action posters of Olympicgymnasts Nadia Comaneci, Olga Korbut, and Mary Lou Retton.

Moonlight shines on BRENDA JOHNSON (10), athletic,despondent, who sleeps soundly with half her face on herpillow.

The figure creeps toward Brenda, leans down, and kissesBrenda on the cheek. Brenda turns her head exposing alarge, red birthmark which covers nearly half of her face.The figure stares at Brenda, then exits quietly.

MASTER BEDROOM

The figure enters and disrobes. It's Brenda's mother,BARBARA JOHNSON (37), statuesque, lots of moles. Herhusband NORM JOHNSON, (40), short, tends to his bloody leg.

2.

MASTER BATHROOM

The medicine cabinet is loaded with prescription bottles.

BARBARAHow many times have I told you tooil that door?

Barbara pops a pill into her mouth and takes a sip of water.

NORM (O.S.)Yes, dear. How's Brenda?

BARBARASound asleep.

MASTER BEDROOM

Barbara slips into a nightgown and hops into bed. She clapsher hands and the lights go off.

NORMNight, hon.

BRENDA'S ROOM

The L.E.D. numbers on her bedside alarm clock read "5:29."The number changes to "5:30." Pop music PLAYS. Brendapresses a button on the the alarm clock. The music stops.

She grabs a corner of the covers, slides out of bed, andsets the corner back down like the bed had never been sleptin.

A Bride magazine and Ken doll are on the night stand. Shekisses the Ken doll.

Brenda looks up at a bride and groom wedding cake topper onher dresser. Painted on the bride is a red birthmarksimilar to Brenda's. Under the wedding cake topper is asign in Brenda's print which reads: KEN & BRENDA.

Brenda blows a kiss at the groom.

KITCHEN

A small hand removes a sharp knife from a drawer overflowingwith different makes and designs of silverware. Brenda cutsa lemon in half.

3.

BATHROOM

The SOUND of someone brushing their teeth. The sound stops.GARGLE. SWISH. SPIT.

Taped to the mirror is a To Do list which reads: Push ups,Sit-ups, Jump Rope, Run, Roof Obstacle Course.

A small hand places the toothbrush in its holder. Brendastares at her huge, red birthmark in the mirror.

Brenda rubs a lemon half on her birthmark. She rinses andpat dries her face with a towel. She examines her birthmarkin the mirror. Her eyes well with tears.

EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GYM - DAY

The school is a ghost town. Brenda hops off her bike andlocks it to a bike rack.

Brenda uses a key to unlock the gym door.

INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL GYM - DAY

The gymnasium contains every line of gymnastics equipmentincluding a balance beam, pommel horse, uneven bars, andparallel bars. Brenda stretches against the balance beam.

Her coach, TATYANA, (50), athletic, large nose, enters.

TATYANAGood morning, Brenda.

BRENDAGood morning, Tatyana.

Brenda hops up onto the balance beam. She moves gracefully.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

Brenda walks alone with her schoolbooks in hand. Studentssnicker as she walks by. STUDENT (6), red hair, freckles,sees Brenda.

STUDENTDid you spill grape juice on yourface?

Other kids laugh. Brenda runs off crying.

4.

INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE - DAY

Brenda ties her running shoes. She blows a kiss at thebridegroom cake topper.

EXT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE - DAY

Jenny exits her bedroom window and steps out onto the rooflike a hundred times before. She runs between roof ventsand vent pipes like an obstacle course.

NEIGHBOR (70), concerned, obese, sees Brenda as he waddlesalong the sidewalk.

NEIGHBORDo your parents know you do this?

BRENDAThey want me up here.

NEIGHBORWhy?

BRENDAThey want me used to high placesfor gymnastics.

The baffled neighbor continues on.

CLANGING SOUND. Brenda smiles when she sees a small cardragging cans. "JUST MARRIED" is on the rear window.


BRENDA'S ROOM

Posters of Olympic gymnasts Shawn Johnson, Nastia Liukin,and male gymnasts, including U.S. gymnast Paul Hamm,decorate the walls.

There are several "BRIDE" magazines on the nightstand. Thebedside alarm clock reads "3:55." The clock changes to"3:56." Rock music PLAYS. Without looking, Brenda (18),slaps a button on the clock and the music stops.

In one motion, Brenda grabs a corner of the covers, slidesout of bed, and sets the corner back down. Her tone figureglides toward the dresser.

5.

The bride on the wedding cake topper no longer has a largebirthmark. The sign under the cake topper, in Brenda'shandwriting, reads: RYAN & BRENDA.

Like a thousand times before, Brenda blows a kiss at thecake topper.

BATHROOM

Brenda rinses and pat dries her face. She looks in themirror. She turns off the light and leaves.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Brenda hides cover up compacts under the mats near thebalance beam, the pommel horse, and the parallel bars. AnOlympic flag is on a wall behind her.

Brenda stretches against the pommel horse. Tatyana enters.

TATYANAOne day closer to Brazil.

Tatyana SINGS the Olympic tune.

TATYANADun, dun, da dun dun dun dun...

Brenda laughs.

LATER

The gym clock reads "7:45." BANGING on the gym door.Tatyana watches Brenda spring off the balance beam and runfor a towel.

TATYANAWhen are you going to becomfortable in your own skin?

Brenda pat dries her face. She grabs a compact from under amat.

Tatyana strolls to the door and waits for Brenda to applymakeup to her birthmark. More POUNDING.

TATYANAEveryone has flaws.

BRENDANot like mine.

6.

Brenda finishes applying the makeup and signals Tatyana whoopens the gym door. Several boys, including RYAN BARKER(18), athletic, emo hairstyle concealing an eye, pour intothe gym dribbling basketballs.

Ryan hustles toward Brenda.

BRENDAHi, Ryan.

RYANHow was practice?

BRENDAGreat.

They walk toward an exit.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM - DAY

Brenda sees students hug and kiss. She walks past in herratty sweats with her duffel bag over her shoulder.

Brenda hears cars HONKING. She looks across the street at achurch. Well-wishers shower a bride and groom with rice.

Brenda smiles warmly as the bride and groom get into alimousine.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM - DAY

Coach Tatyana enters with COACH JIM BENSON (40), effeminatewalk. Coach Jim wears white slacks and a white sweater with"U.S.A" embroidered across the chest.

Coach Jim and Coach Tatyana observe Brenda doing herworkout.

TATYANAHow someone looks shouldn'tmatter.

COACH JIMDon't tell me. Tell the scorers.

TATYANAShe'll hide it with makeup.

COACH JIMWhat if it wears off?

7.

TATYANAShe's given her life to this.

COACH JIMI'm sorry, Tatyana. We wanted tosend her, but the competition fromChina won't allow us.

Coach Jim heads for the exit. The clock reads: 7:45 a.m.

Coach Jim pushes the door open. Brenda watches in horror asRyan and other boys burst inside before she can react.Brenda falls awkwardly off the uneven bars.

She holds her ankle as she writhes in pain on the floor.Tatyana and Ryan run to Brenda.

TATYANABrenda!

Brenda stretches for her bag, but can't reach it.

Tatyana reaches Brenda before Ryan. She yanks a towel fromBrenda's duffel bag and tosses it to Brenda. Brenda hidesher birthmark with the towel just before Ryan arrives.

RYANAre you alright?

BRENDANo.

Brenda cries into her towel.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

The blackboard reads: OFFICER HARRIER - WHY POLICE? OFFICERHARRIER (50), strong as a grizzly, walks with a limp.

OFFICER HARRIERThanks to the O.C. Burglar,break-ins are through the roof. SoI've added something new thissemester.

Brenda wears concealer makeup and sits morosely in the backrow with a knee-high cast. There are crutches next to her.Ryan sits next to Brenda staring goo goo eyed at her.

OFFICER HARRIERI'm going to see if your homes areburglar-proof. I'll be stoppingby your homes unannounced and see

8.

OFFICER HARRIERif I can get in.

The stunned students look at each other.

OFFICER HARRIERIf I can't get in, you'll get anextra police car ride along. If Ican get in, you'll be taken awayin handcuffs to do communityservice.

Officer Harrier passes out a paper to the students. A bellRINGS.

OFFICER HARRIERI need your parents to fill outthese permission slips, so I don'tget sued or shot for breaking andentering.

The students SKID the legs of their chairs. Ryan tries tohelp Brenda with her crutches.

BRENDAI can do it.

RYANSorry about your ankle, Brenda.

Ryan sees her moist eyes. He comforts her.

BRENDAWhat am I going to do now?

RYANYou'll find something.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

The backyard is a carnival atmosphere with cake, balloons,and games. Kids laugh and run around. A morose Brenda,dressed in a bright clown outfit, makes balloon animals.

Brenda sees a two by four on the ground. She attempts towalk across it like it were a balance beam. She loses herbalance and falls off. She tries again, but falls off.

9.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Norm and Barbara, dressed completely in black, cruise aresidential street.

BARBARAOkay, slow down. Park in front ofthat house.

The car pulls to the curb.

NORMHow'd you find this one?

BARBARAIt's the Anderson's.

NORMYour best friend, Barbara?

BARBARAWho cares? They won't be back tillSunday.

NORMOkay.

A neighbor walks a dog on the sidewalk.

NORMWhat about their dog?

BARBARABullwinkle? Nobody leaves a dogalone for a week.

EXT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Norm and Barbara put on their gloves and masks as theyslither toward a side fence.

Paul tries unsuccessfully to pull himself onto the fence.

BARBARAHere you go, Spiderman.

Barbara interlocks her fingers and gives Norm a boost.

NORMWhy couldn't we have regular jobswith 401Ks?

10.

Norm manages to get onto the fence. He crawls up the roof.

Norm slips on a loose shingle and slides down the roof. Hisshoes hit the rain gutter which keeps him from falling off.

Norm crawls back up the roof. He slides a window open. Hesteps on the window sill, loses his balance, and falls in.CRASH.

INT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Bullwinkle, a giant Rottweiler, sleeps surrounded by severalgiant weekend feeders and water canisters. Bullwinkle wakesup.

Norm picks himself up off the floor.

Norm walks down the stairs. He stops on a dime. BullwinkleSNARLS at Norm from the bottom of the stairs. His teethsparkle in the moonlight. Norm races up the stairs withBullwinkle in hot pursuit.

BEDROOM

Norm races in and tries to slam the door, but Bullwinklegets his head and shoulders in the room.

Norm leans in to the door with all his might as BullwinkleBARKS and GNASHES his teeth.

Norm dashes for the open window.

EXT. ANDERSON RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Barbara HEARS all the NOISE and looks up at the window.

Norm dives through the window. He slides headfirst down theroof and dives off into bushes. A livid Bullwinkle BARKSout the window.

NORMWhen are we going to bring Brendaon board?

Neighbors' houselights come on. Barbara helps Norm up.

NORMI hate my job.

The two leave quickly.

11.

EXT. PRISON - DAY

A tall fence topped with ample barbed wire surrounds theconcrete structure. JENNY (45), weightlifter body, isreleased out a prison gate.


Non-matching furniture overflows throughout. Brenda,Barbara, and Norm enjoy breakfast.

BARBARAAunt Jenny is going to stay withus awhile.

BRENDAI haven't seen her in a long time.Where's she been?

Norm and Barbara exchange nervous looks.

BARBARAOh, out east.

NORMIn a gated community.

BRENDAWow! She must be rich. What's shebeen up to?

BARBARAAbsolutely nothing.

NORMShe doesn't get out much.

BARBARAShe's been kind of stuck in oneplace.

BRENDADoes she have a boyfriend?

NORM(and Barbara at the same time)

No.

BRENDAThat's too bad.

12.

The doorbell CHIMES.

BARBARAThere she is.

Brenda runs to the door. She checks her face in the fronthall mirror. She opens the door.

BRENDAHi, Aunt Jenny!

JENNYBrenda!

Jenny hops through the threshold holding only a claspenvelope. She puts a bear hug on Brenda. Brenda's makeupsmears on Jenny's shoulder exposing her birthmark.

JENNYLook how big you are!

BARBARACome on in.

Brenda looks around the front doorstep.

BRENDAWhere's your luggage?

Jenny holds up the clasp envelope.

JENNYThis is all I had when they--

Barbara shakes her head at Jenny.

BARBARABrenda, get something for AuntJenny to drink.

Brenda heads to the kitchen.

JENNYYou didn't tell her?

BARBARANo, we didn't tell her her auntwas a jailbird.

JENNYI'm taking the master bedroom.

13.

BARBARANo, you're not.

JENNYOh, yes I am. Who took the fallfor you so Brenda wouldn't end upin a foster home?

BARBARABut--

JENNYYou're the ones that set off thealarm and drove off without me.

Brenda returns with a drink. Barbara, Norm, and Jenny tryto act normal.


Brenda eats cereal in the dark. Moonlight reflects off thekitchen countertop and appliances.

Brenda HEARS a SOUND. She sees a figure dressed in black atthe front door. Brenda slides a large knife out of a knifeblock. She crouches nervously in the shadows.

The figure enters carrying a skinny, black bag. The figurecreeps towards Brenda. The figure passes inches by Brendawho raises her knife.

The figure opens the dishwasher and turns the black bagupside down. Two forks DROP into the dishwasher.

Jenny takes off her ski mask. She turns on the lights.Jenny sees Brenda holding a knife and SCREAMS. BrendaSCREAMS and drops the knife.

Stickler bushes protrude from Jenny's clothes.

BRENDAWhat are you doing?

JENNYI'm doing the dishes.

BRENDAAt this hour?

14.

COMPUTER ROOM

It's cramped and doubles as a storage room. Norm andBarbara sleep on a worn, lumpy hide-a-bed. They wake up.

BRENDA (O.S.)The dishwasher isn't even full.

NORMUh-oh.

Norm and Barbara struggle to hurry off the uneven bed.

JENNY (O.S.)What are you doing?

BRENDA (O.S.)Eating cereal. Couldn't you hearthe snap, crackle, and pop?

HALLWAY

Norm and Barbara hustle downstairs in their pajamas.

JENNYIt's nothing. Brenda thought I wasa burglar.

Brenda gawks at Jenny dressed in black from head to toe andholding her black loot bag.

BRENDAOh, my gosh! You are a burglar!

NORMWatch it, young lady. That's youraunt you're talking to.

BRENDALook how she's dressed!

BARBARAAunt Jenny, are you a burglar?

Jenny shakes her head.

BARBARASee? Let's all go back to bed.

Barbara tries to hustle Brenda upstairs. Brenda's not buyingit.

15.

BRENDAYou are a burglar.

NORMAunt Jenny, is this true?

Jenny nods.

BARBARAWell, we always knew she was alittle off. We'll get her sometherapy in the morning.

NORMWhat a cool job! Maybe Brendawould like to be a burglar.

Brenda gazes into each of their guilty eyes.

BRENDAOh, my gosh! You're all burglars!

BARBARADon't be ridiculous.

NORMShe knows, Barbara. Now we canfinally retire.

JENNYWe're not just any burglars; we'recat burglars.

NORMMeow.

BRENDAWhy?

BARBARAIt's in our blood.

NORMWe agreed, if you ever found out,we'd, we'd--

BRENDAGet honest jobs?

JENNYNo, see if you'd like to join us.

16.

BRENDAYou've gotta be kidding! I can'tgo into other people's houses!

Brenda strides off. The three follow.

BARBARAIt's easy. You go in, stuff yourbags, and leave.

NORM(To Barbara)

Easy for you. You're the lookout.

JENNYIt's like a shopping spree.

BARBARAWe can't do it anymore because...

BRENDABecause?

NORMBecause we've been arrested.

BARBARASeveral times.

BRENDAOh, my gosh!

BARBARAIf we get arrested again, we'll beput away for a long time!

NORMThey keep threatening us, Barbara,but they never do anything.

BARBARAThe judge sounded pretty seriouslast time. He threw your AuntJenny in the slammer.

BRENDAYou've been to prison?

JENNYThe last three years.

BRENDAWhy didn't you tell me?

17.

BARBARAWe had to gain your trust.

NORMIf I go to prison, who'll give youaway at your wedding?

BRENDAIf I get arrested, you won't haveto worry about giving me away.

Barbara leans in to Norm.

BARBARANo one's gonna marry her.

NORMGood. We'll save on the weddingexpense.

BARBARAWhy do you think we put youthrough gymnastics?

NORMTo prepare you for burglaries.

BARBARAThat was smart of us to bethinking ahead, wasn't it?

BRENDAI can't believe this!

BARBARAYou'll be wearing a mask, so noone will see your birthmark.

JENNYYou'll save a ton on makeup.

NORMDon't let this opportunity of alifetime pass you by.

BRENDAI can't do it!

BARBARASure you can.

18.

NORMWe'll put you through the JohnsonSchool of Burglary.

BARBARAYou'll have it down in no time.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY

Brenda stands in the checkout line dressed from head to toein a black burqa. She holds a drink with a straw. She triesto sip her drink, but the burqa has no opening for hermouth. She pushes the straw down one of the eye openings.

Brenda sees Ryan enter. She hurriedly pays the cashier andmakes her way to the exit. She knocks over a display. Sheexits.

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY

Brenda pumps gas while she keeps an eye on the front doors.

Brenda sees Ryan exit. She ducks behind the pumpingstation. Ryan heads her way.

Ryan pumps gas on the other side of the pumping station. Henotices Brenda's car.

RYANBrenda? It's Ryan Barker.

BRENDAOh, hi Ryan. How've you been?

RYANGreat!

Brenda has trouble putting the nozzle back as she can't seethrough the burqa. Ryan helps her put the nozzle back.

BRENDAI've been wondering what you'vebeen up to.

RYANNot a lot. You seeing anyone?

BRENDAActually, no. You?

19.

RYANNo. Let's catch up sometime?

BRENDAI'd like that. I'm at the sameplace.


Brenda is dressed in a jogging outfit.

Brenda is drawn to several fashion magazines on the coffeetable. She picks up a magazine and stares at the beautifulfashion model on the cover. She SLAMS the magazine down onits cover. She turns over all the magazines.

Brenda pulls her sweatshirt hood over her head. She turnsoff the front porch light. She pokes her head out the frontdoor and leaves.

INT. WHITE HONDA - DAY

ROB ROBINSON (37), long, deep scar on cheek, wears gloves ashe wipes down the steering wheel and interior with a cloth.

Rob pulls a ski mask down over his face and grabs a handgunoff the front passenger seat. He exits.

INT. BANK - DAY

Rob storms in brandishing the handgun.

ROBThis is a robbery!

People SCREAM. Rob hustles to a teller's window and tossesa canvas bag over the counter.

ROBAll the money! Let's go! Now!

The frightened teller loads the bag with bills. She slidesthe bag to Rob who scrambles for the exit.

EXT. BANK - DAY

Rob dashes from the bank, hops in the Honda, and BURNSRUBBER.

20.

INT. WHITE HONDA - DAY

Rob races down a residential street.

Rob SKIDS to a stop behind a black Nissan. He wipes downthe steering wheel. He springs from the car with the lootbag and a brown bag.

INT. BLACK NISSAN - DAY

Rob hops in and drives off. He checks his mirrors.

EXT. MISS JOPLIN'S HOUSE - DAY

Rob quietly exits his car with the loot bags and sneaks hisway toward the side of the house. MISS JOPLIN, (80),petite, frail, waters flowers with her back to Rob.

MISS JOPLINHow was work, Rob?

Rob jumps.

ROBOkay.

MISS JOPLINAlready fixed up and sold theHonda?

ROBFlipping's the only way to make aprofit.

MISS JOPLINThen you have the rent.

ROBUh...yeah...sure.

Rob opens a loot bag and hands her some bills. He hurriesoff.

MISS JOPLINAnd last month's.

A dour Rob strolls back and hands her more bills.

Rob moves slowly along the side of the house and up exteriorstairs to his second story room. Pots of dead plants andflowers line the stairs.

21.

On the other side of the house, a jovial Ryan skips down hisstairs. Beautiful plants and flowers adorn his stairs.

Ryan strides over to Miss Joplin.

RYANGood morning, Miss Joplin. Here'sthe rent.

He hands her a check.

MISS JOPLINThank you, Ryan.

RYANThe garden looks beautiful!

Ryan jumps into his car and drives off.

INT. RYAN'S CAR - DAY

Ryan slows as he nears Brenda's house. The garage door isopen. He sees BOY ON A BICYCLE (8), thick eyeglasses, onthe driveway. Ryan pulls to the curb across the street.

INT. JOHNSON GARAGE - DAY

Brenda looks in a mirror as she puts concealer over herbirthmark. She is oblivious to Boy On A Bicycle who watchesher.

Brenda is surprised when she sees Boy On A Bicycle. Shequickly hides her makeup.

BRENDAHow long have you been there?

BOY ON A BICYCLEAbout a minute.

BRENDAIf you don't ever tell anyone,I'll let you keep the change.

Brenda holds out a bill.

BOY ON A BICYCLEDeal!

Boy On A Bicycle snatches the bill and rides off.

22.

Ryan springs from his car.

RYANBrenda!

BRENDAShoot.

Ryan runs across the street.

BRENDAJust a sec, Ryan!

She zips into her house. Ryan waits on the driveway.


Brenda hustles into a bathroom. She quickly finishescovering up her birthmark.


Brenda and Ryan shoot baskets on the driveway.

Boy On The Bicycle returns with a plastic bag over hishandlebars. He's surprised by Brenda's new face.

BOY ON A BICYCLEHey! You don't have--

Brenda covers Boy On A Bicycle's mouth and yanks the plasticbag from him.

BRENDAThanks for coming!

She hurries the boy off.

BRENDAReady to hit the beach?

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Brenda waits for Ryan to lay out his towel. She walksaround to the other side of Ryan so that her birthmark sidefaces away from Ryan. She lays out her towel and lies down.

23.

LATER

Brenda checks her face in a mirror. She sees Ryan approachfrom the ocean dripping wet. She quickly puts her mirroraway.

RYANYou going in?

BRENDANo.

Ryan lies down on his towel. Brenda scans the crowd ofbeachgoers.

BRENDAHave you ever wondered how manypeople are criminals?

Ryan looks at her funny.

BRENDAI mean real criminals likemurderers, robbers, and thieves?They'd never tell us to our face,but they're out there, right?

RYANSometimes, like when I'm at aconcert or Angel game, and there'slots of people around. You okay?

BRENDAYeah.


Brenda, Jenny, Norm, and Barbara exit. Brenda checks herface in a compact mirror.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

They pass their unkempt, next-door neighbor's house, whichtrips a motion sensor and lights the driveway.

BARBARAWe know the Clarks don't haveanything worth taking.

24.

NORM(To Brenda)

You don't want any motion sensorlights or Beware of Dog signs.

The next house has a "Beware of Dog" sign on the front gate.A light comes on as the four stroll past the house. A lawnsign reads: PROTECTED BY RJM, INC. A large dog zips up tothe gate and lets out deep, frightening BARKS.

The next house has dog bowls.

JENNYMost really do have dogs, but somedon't.

Jenny places a dog biscuit inconspicuously just inside thefront gate.

JENNYWe'll see if it's there tomorrow.

BARBARAIt's a game the homeowners playwith us.

NORMIf you see any bowls or bones,keep moving.

JENNYIf you see a protected by sign--

BRENDAKeep moving.

A taxi idles in front of the next house. Old newspapersblanket the driveway. Thick shrubbery conceals windows.Marilyn Monroe statues guard the front door.

DAVE (40), NFL offensive lineman body, wears a tired suit ashe exits the front gate.

DAVEHi, Johnsons!

NORMWhere are you off to this time,Dave?

DAVEParis.

25.

NORMWhen will you be back?

DAVESaturday.

BARBARAWhat time?

DAVEAbout four.

BARBARAWe'll watch it for you.

DAVEThanks, but there's really nothingleft to watch.

BARBARA(Norm and Jenny together)

We know.

Dave hops into the taxi. The taxi leaves.

Norm looks at all the old newspapers on the driveway.

NORMI've told him a million times.

BRENDAMaybe that's why he's had so manyburglaries.

Barbara, Norm, and Jenny try to keep from laughing.

BRENDAYou guys?

BARBARAWe've tried to warn him.

JENNYSome people never learn.

Brenda can't believe what she's hearing.

BRENDAYour own neighbor?

26.

BARBARAHis money's as green as the nextguy's.

JENNYGet used to it.

NORMYour mom will have you burgle yourbest friend's house in no time.

BRENDABurgle?

NORMThat's the correct terminology.

They scan Dave's house.

NORMIt screams come and get me.

BARBARAIt's known as a laydown in theindustry.

NORMNow it's a skeleton.

JENNYMeans it's empty on the inside.Same Marilyn Monroe combo on thesafe?

NORMThirty-six, twenty-three,thirty-six.

BARBARASometimes, when our cupboards getbare, we come over and pick up afew things.

NORMSaves us time from driving to thestore.

BARBARAThat's what we call Dave's...thestore.

27.

NORMBe right back, hon. Just going toDave's Market.

BARBARAAlright, pick me up some icecream.

Norm, Barbara, and Jenny laugh.

BARBARAWe're out of milk and eggs.

NORMAlright, I'll go to Dave's.

He takes a couple steps toward Dave's house.

NORMI think I'll grab some beer.

BRENDANo!

BARBARAThen you do it.

BRENDAI can't.

They throw a guilt trip on Brenda.

BARBARAThen I guess your dad, aunt, and Iwill have to hit some homes andhope we don't get caught.

NORMThrown in jail with all those badcriminals.

BARBARAJust do it. You got almost a weekbefore Dave gets back.

BRENDAI don't have any gloves.

Norm whips out a pair of gloves from his back pocket.

NORMNever leave home without 'em.

28.

Norm points at a window.

NORMPush in the center of that windowand slide it open.

Brenda stares at the gloves.

BARBARAPick up some ice cream for yourAunt Jenny and me.

JENNYChocolate.

BARBARAButter pecan.

BRENDADo you want paper or plastic?

Brenda takes the gloves from Norm and tiptoes toward thehouse.

BARBARASlowest burglary on record.

NORM(To Brenda)

You can't frighten the house.

JENNYThink she'll finish before he getsback?

Brenda pushes the window in and slides it open. She climbsup onto the window sill and looks back. She loses herbalance, and falls in. CRASH!

Dave's taxi pulls to the curb. Dave hustles out of the taxipast Norm, Barbara, and Jenny.

DAVEI knew it!

Dave unlocks the front door and disappears inside. Norm,Barbara, and Jenny stare at Dave's front door in horror.

DAVE (O.S.)There you are!

Dave reappears, locks the front door, and races past Norm,Barbara, and Jenny.

29.

DAVEForgot my passport! You're thebest house watchers.

Dave hops into his taxi. The taxi leaves.

Brenda hops out the window and slides the window shut. Shehustles to the others, doubles over, and GASPS for air.

NORMSo, what'd you think?

Brenda gives Norm an "Are you kidding?" look. She hands himtwo beers, and Barbara and Jenny each a pint of ice creamand a plastic spoon.

BRENDAHe didn't have any silverware.

BARBARAIt's at our house.

NORMTold you, it's a skeleton.

Barbara sees Jenny's ice cream flavor. She quickly switchespints with Jenny.

They stroll along drinking beer and eating ice cream. Normeyes a house with a large TV box protruding from a trashcan.

NORMJacksons got some new inventory.

BRENDAAnother neighbor!

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Ryan slides a tray of food through a slot to PRISONER ONE(30), missing teeth.

PRISONER ONEThanks, Ryan.

RYANMy pleasure.

Ryan moves a cart to the next cell and hands PRISONER TWO(30), short, gentle, fresh sheets and a blanket through thecell bars.

30.

PRISONER TWOCan I have an extra blanket, Ryan?

RYANSure.

Ryan hands Prisoner Two a blanket between the bars.

PRISONER TWOThanks, Ryan.

RYANYou're welcome.

Officer Harrier sits at a desk where a name plate reads:DETECTIVE HARRIER. He scours a file labeled: O.C. BANKROBBER. Ryan approaches.

RYANAnything new on the O.C. BankRobber or O.C. Burglar?

OFFICER HARRIERNope. You still wanna be adetective?

RYANYes, sir!

Ryan eagerly accepts the file from Detective Harrier. Hethumbs through the file.


Brenda is surrounded by boxes of black pants, black shirts,black shoes, and black gloves. She tries on black sneakersas Norm, Barbara, and Jenny look on.

JENNYNo one will hear you in those.

Barbara hands a black ski mask to Brenda.

BARBARAThis was Grandma Johnson's. She'dwant you to have it.

BRENDAGrandma was a burglar?

31.

BARBARAFifty-seven years and never gotcaught.

NORMAt the end, she could only burgleplaces that were wheelchairaccessible.

BRENDAIf I get caught, I won't be ableto get married and have kids.

Barbara puts her arm around Brenda.

BARBARADon't sweat the little stuff.

NORMIf you start thinking about yourfuture, it'll mess up your work.

BARBARAAunt Jenny wants to tell yousomething she learned in prison.

Jenny paces.

JENNYYou've got to think when you're insomeone else's house. Askyourself, where would they hidethe good stuff?

NORMWhich direction does the moonlightcome from?

BARBARAWhich entrance and exit is best?

NORMYou know how you're coming out oryou don't go in. Understand?

BRENDAYeah.

JENNYYou're gonna do fine.

32.

BARBARAAunt Jenny has something else shewants to say, right Aunt Jenny?

Jenny squirms.

JENNYYou can't have a boyfriend.

BRENDAWhat?

BARBARANot an honest one.

BRENDAWhy not?

JENNYIf you break up, he might go tothe cops.

BRENDAI can't go out with Ryan?

BARBARAOnly if he's a crook.

JENNYThat way, you have dirt on him.

NORMHas he committed a felony in thelast year?

BRENDARyan? No way. He's the kindest,most considerate person you'llever meet.

JENNYDump him.

BARBARAYou wouldn't want to ruin a niceboy like that anyway. Go out withone who's already ruined.

JENNYThere's plenty of them.

BRENDAYou mean losers.

33.

BARBARAHow do you think I got stuck withDad?

DINING ROOM

The place settings are mismatched china and silverware.Barbara sets a steaming cheese casserole on the table. Shesees Norm and Jenny staring morosely at the casserole.

NORMWe have to get her trained so wedon't have to eat this anymore.

BARBARAOh, hush. We're on stage.

Norm and Jenny scatter.

BARBARAReady?

Jenny hides under the table.

JENNYReady.

Norm pops his head out from behind a curtain.

NORMReady.

BARBARABrenda! Dinner!

Barbara hides behind the other curtain.

Brenda enters. She SKIDS the legs of her chair along thefloor which makes a LOUD SCRATCHING SOUND.

BARBARAAre you kidding me?

Barbara, Norm, and Jenny pop out of their hiding places.

JENNYYou have to be quiet and aware ofyour surroundings at all times!

BRENDAWe're just having dinner.

34.

BARBARAI don't care! You're a cat burglarnow.

The three surround Brenda.

JENNYYou gotta use all your senses.

NORMSomeone could be sleeping on acouch ten feet from you.

JENNYDo you hear their breathing?

BARBARADo you smell their perfume?

JENNYThere's millions of hiding placesright out in the open.

Norm turns off the lights. Norm, Barbara, and Aunt Jennyare silhouetted by the moonlight.

NORMYou have to blend in.

They disappear into shadows.

Brenda looks around.

The lights come on. All three are standing behind Brenda.

The four sit down at the table and eat.

BRENDAHas anyone ever seen you?

BARBARADad had a little girl walk rightby him to use the bathroom.

JENNYShe never saw the Grinch.

They all laugh but Brenda.

35.

NORMIt was right out of How The GrinchStole Christmas, when The Grinchstole Little Cindy Lou Who's lastcan of plum pudding.

BARBARAWho hash.

NORMWhatever. The trick is don'tmove.

JENNYPeople notice movement, so if yousee someone, freeze.

BARBARALet's try it. Ready? Freeze.

The four come to a stop like wax figures. Brenda holds aplate of rolls without the slightest movement. No oneblinks an eye.

NORMGood.

The doorbell RINGS. They see Ryan through the front doorstaring at them.

BARBARAIt's the good guy! Kill thelights!

Norm springs from his chair and hits a light switch. Thereare still some lights on.

JENNYKitchen lights!

Norm does a somersault tumble and turns off the kitchenlights. Brenda sees an astounded look on Ryan's face.

BRENDAHe sees us.

Brenda POUNDS her fist on the table. The Clapper lightscome on. Ryan watches Norm, Barbara, and Jenny race to turnoff more lights.

BRENDAHe sees us!

36.

She SLAMS her fist on the table. The Clapper lights go off.

BRENDAWhat am I going to tell him?

BARBARATell him the lights were shortingout.

Brenda CLAPS her hands and the lights come on.

Barbara, Norm, and Jenny CLAP their hands. Lights go off.

Barbara and Jenny hold back Brenda's arms and cover hermouth. Complete darkness.

They watch Ryan leave.

Brenda tries to break lose, but Barbara and Jenny hold on.

NORMTell him we were having dinner andcouldn't be disturbed.

BARBARAAnd we were signaling him with thelights.

BRENDAYou couldn't be disturbed becauseyou already are disturbed. He'snot a freak like us.

Brenda leaves the table.

BARBARANo, but he knows we're freaks.

Norm, Barbara, and Jenny eat the casserole while pluggingtheir noses.

INT. BRENDA'S CAR - DAY

Brenda parks in a supermarket parking lot. The windows havedark limo tint. Brenda looks at her exposed birthmark inher vanity mirror.

She reaches in the back where she has a variety of wigs,veils, hats, and sunglasses. She picks out a veil. Sheholds the veil over her face and looks in the mirror. Shethrows the veil in the back.

37.

Brenda takes a makeup kit from the glove box. She notices aBOY collecting shopping carts. She runs the window down aninch.

BRENDAJeremy!

EXT. SUPERMARKET PARKING LOT - DAY

Jeremy saunters over.

Ryan exits the store and notices Brenda's car. He seesJeremy take bills through the window opening. Ryan walksover. He speaks through the tiny opening.

RYANAlright, what's going on, Brenda?

BRENDAWhat?

RYANAll your costumes, the strobelight show at your house, and nowa drug deal with the box boy.

BRENDAI'm not dressed so I'm having himpick me up some things.

RYANDon't people usually get dressedand then go shopping?

Ryan walks off.

INT. BRENDA'S ROOM - DAY

In the Internet search box is typed: HOW TO DATE A CRIMINAL.Photos of sketchy men are on the monitor.

Brenda types on the computer keyboard. KNOCKING. Barbaraenters.

BARBARARyan came by. I had to shoo himaway.

Brenda angrily pushes her chair back from her desk.

38.

BRENDAIf I get busted, I won't be ableto see him for a long time.

BARBARAOnly date criminals! Your fatherand I wouldn't last one day in theslammer.

Barbara looks at the computer monitor. On the screen, is amap of the area and mug shots of sketchy characters. Theweb address reads: SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY.COM.

BRENDAIf I'm gonna steal, it'll only befrom child molesters.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Brenda and MAN (30), roller coaster nose, sit at a boothtable.

BRENDAHave you ever been arrested?

MANNever.

Brenda immediately gets up and leaves.

MONTAGE - MEN TELL BRENDA THEY'VE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED

-- Obese man "Never."

-- Short cowboy in a stetson "Never."

-- Drooling man with thick eyeglasses "Never."

Brenda gets up, snatches her coat, and leaves.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

The smoke-filled room is dim and distressing. Brenda sitson a barstool next to HOMELY MAN (40), scruffy beard.

HOMELY MANI rob people.

Brenda perks up.

39.

HOMELY MANI'm a lawyer.

Brenda leaves.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

MONTAGE - BRENDA SCOURS SEEDY AREAS TO FIND A BOYFRIEND

-- She talks to scraggly guys in wife beater shirts onstreet corners.

-- She visits run down motels.

-- She waits outside a prison gate. Prisoners get released.They wave her off.

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT

A tired car pulls to the curb. The headlights go out.

INT. NORM'S CAR - NIGHT

Brenda, Norm, Barbara, and Jenny case a house with barelandscape.

JENNYLet's hope the inside isn't asempty as the outside.

BRENDADave's house was empty, except foran old recliner.

NORMHe finally gave up replacing hisstolen furniture.

BARBARAThe recliner would've been gone,if your father hadn't refused tosteal it.

NORMBarbara, some things you justdon't take from a man's castle.

BRENDAYou steal his beer, but you won'ttake his La-Z-Boy?

40.

Norm ponders this.

NORMYou're right. He can sit on thefloor.

JENNYWatch your shadows.

BARBARAFreeze if you see anyone.

NORMIf you see a nice set of golfclubs, grab 'em.

JENNYDo molesters golf?

BARBARAIf you see some nice earrings--

BRENDAAm I stealing or shopping?

Barbara opens the door and shoves Brenda out. Brenda fallson her butt.

EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Brenda pulls the ski mask down around her head.

JENNY (O.S.)That's the best she's ever looked.

BARBARA (O.S.)No.

A black bag hits Brenda's face and stays on her head.

BARBARA (O.S.)That is.

Brenda sneaks up on the house. A motion sensor light blastsher. Brenda scampers back to the car. Barbara and Jennyget out of the car and tackle Brenda.

BRENDAI can't do this.

She takes off the ski mask.

41.

JENNYYes, you can.

BARBARAIt's just a motion light.

BRENDAYou said don't go to houses withmotion sensor lights.

NORMWe're making an exception.

The three women see OLD FEMALE PASSERBY (70), hunchback,approach walking her tiny dog. They try to act natural.

BARBARAShe's afraid of her boyfriend.

OLD FEMALE PASSERBYThat creep! I'll burn his housedown! Let's get 'em Wilbur!

Old Female Passerby and her dog storm towards the house.

JENNYIt's okay.

BARBARAWe'll handle it.

OLD FEMALE PASSERBYCome out or we'll burn you out!

Brenda, Barbara, and Jenny escort Old Female Passerby away.

BARBARAThanks for coming.

Barbara and Jenny push Brenda toward the house.

Brenda runs for the side of the house. She hides in ashadow. She slithers to the back of the house.

Brenda pushes a window in at the center of the pane andslides it open. She lifts herself onto the window sill.

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Brenda lowers herself until she feels something. She findsherself standing on a bed next to a sleeping, fat, bald MANin a wife beater shirt.

42.

The man turns and wraps his arms around Brenda's legs.Brenda freezes in horror.

Brenda sees a feather protruding from his pillow. Shecarefully bends down and pulls the feather from the pillow.

She gently runs the feather across the man's exposedbuttocks. The man scratches his butt with one hand while hekeeps his other arm around Brenda's legs.

Brenda uses the feather to tickle the man's mouth. The manuses the butt-scratching hand to scratch his mouth.

Brenda is horrified to see saliva coming from his mouth. Shecan't move. He drools on her leg.

Brenda sees another feather protruding from the pillow. Sheremoves the feather and uses both feathers to tickle the manall over. The sleeping man releases her and scratcheshimself. Brenda jumps out the window.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Norm, Barbara, and Jenny watch Brenda race toward them withthe empty black bag.

NORMNot exactly a jackpot.

JENNYDoberman? Rottweiler?

BARBARAWith Brenda, it could've been aspider.

A gasping Brenda hops in. They speed off.

BRENDAThat's my last burglary!

Norm pulls out gloves and ski masks from the glove box. Hehands them out to Barbara and Jenny. Brenda watches them putthe masks and gloves on.

BRENDAOkay, okay.

EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

MONTAGE - BRENDA BURGLARIZES SEVERAL HOMES

43.

-- Brenda, all in black, exits a second story window andslithers down a rain gutter.

-- She jumps down off a fence and acrobatically rolls over.

-- She exits a garage with her large, black bag.

-- She scrambles over a fence just before a German Shepherdcan get her.

Rob walks along the sidewalk. Brenda slips out a secondstory window and down a roof. She trips over an air ductcover, slides off the roof, and lands in a bush just as Robpasses.

Brenda pulls herself out of the bush.

ROBYou okay?

She rips off her ski mask and shoves it into the loot bag.Her birthmark is visible.

BRENDAYeah...

She fumbles around her pockets. She desperately looksaround.

Rob gets a closer look. Brenda lunges for a mud puddle, butit's just out of her reach.

Brenda pops to her feet. The bag CLANGS of silverware.

BRENDAOw!

She drops to the ground and grabs her ankle. Rob marches upthe walkway. Brenda hides her birthmark with her hand.

ROBI'm a doctor.

BRENDA(mutters)

That's too bad.

He examines her ankle.

A porch light comes on.

BRENDAShoot.

44.

ROBWhat?

BRENDAI'm moving and I didn't want towake my family.

A SIREN gets LOUDER.

BRENDAGet me out of here.

Rob carries her fireman-style down the sidewalk. The lootbag CLANGS with every step Rob takes. Porch lights come onand dogs BARK with every house they pass.

Flashing police lights reflect off houses. A patrol carSCREECHES around a turn and SKIDS to a halt in front of thehouse Brenda burgled.

From a distance, Brenda watches officers exit their carswith guns drawn.

INT. ROB'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Rob enters with Brenda still in his arms. He flips on thelight.

ROBBeing a lawyer must keep you busy.

Brenda panics when she sees her birthmark in the hallwaymirror. She flips the lights back off.

BRENDAI'm sensitive to light.

Rob almost trips in the dark. He carries Brenda over to thesofa and lays her down.

Brenda sees a bowl of guacamole next to a bag of tortillachips on the coffee table. She grabs a handful of guacamoleand smears it over her birthmark just before Rob can see.Rob sees her face. He is surprised.

BRENDAAvocado makes an excellent facemask.

Rob takes an end pillow off the sofa exposing bundled billsand a ski mask. Brenda sees him quickly push the mask andbills down between the cushion and armrest.

45.

Rob places the pillow on the coffee table and elevatesBrenda's injured ankle.

Rob heads over to the kitchen. Brenda looks under the otherend pillow and sees a gun and ski mask.

BRENDAWhat kind of doctor are you?

ROBCardiologist.

Rob sees Brenda eyeing the cramped, dirty apartment.

ROBI'm paying off student loans.

Rob places frozen vegetable bags on Brenda's ankle. Heheads to the bathroom.

Brenda lifts a seat cushion. She finds a mask and gloves.

BRENDAThose student loans can be a painin the butane.

Rob comes out of the bathroom with an Ace bandage.

INT. ROB'S CAR - NIGHT

Brenda and Rob get in. They drive off.

Brenda sees a bag on the floor. She pulls an adult blow updoll out of the bag. She gives Rob a funny look.

ROBFor when I'm alone.

BRENDAFor when you're alone?

ROBI heard others were doing it, so Ithought I'd give it a try.

BRENDASo because others were doing it,you thought you'd do it?

Brenda can't believe what she's hearing.

46.

ROBWhat's the big deal? They save mea lot of time and money.

BRENDAThey?

ROBGot one for each day of the week.Wanna see 'em?

He reaches into the back seat.

BRENDANo! That's disgusting! I betit's quite a variety...bustybrunettes, long-legged blonds.

ROBThe bottom half doesn't matter.

BRENDAGeez!

ROBI got one that's superrealistic...a tall, dark man withbulging muscles--

BRENDAYou've got a male doll?

ROBYou gotta mix it up every now andthen. You telling me you've nevertried it?

BRENDANever.

He reaches for a blown up doll in the back.

ROBI'll show you how I like toposition them.

BRENDAThat's okay. I can imagine.

Rob puts his ear to the doll.

47.

ROBThis one's got a leak. I finallywore her out.

BRENDAYou wouldn't have that problemwith a mannequin.

ROBMannequins aren't real enough.They don't move around.

BRENDADon't these move too much?

ROBNot if you strap 'em in right.They'll keep the position you wantfor the entire ride.

BRENDAOh, my gosh.

ROBWhat? I've never been caught.It's worth it to be able to usethe carpool.


Ryan picks up a small rock and tosses it at Brenda's window.He picks up another rock. A car's headlights beam around acorner. Ryan takes cover behind a hedge bush. The car parksnearby.

Rob gets out and carries Brenda to the front door. He setsher down.

BRENDAThanks for everything, Dr.Roberts.

Ryan mouths the word "Doctor."

ROBCall me Rob.

Rob is inches from Brenda. Brenda backs up against thedoor. Rob stays on her. Brenda hurriedly turns and uses akey to unlock the door.

48.

BRENDAMaybe we can do lunch sometime.

Rob is practically drooling on her.

ROBI'm hungry right now.

BRENDAI gotta ice my ankle.

ROBI'll ice it for you.

BRENDAMaybe I'll just go to bed.

ROBI'll tuck you in.

Ryan has heard enough and is about to spring from the hedgebush.

BRENDAI'll manage.

Brenda scrambles inside and SLAMS the door.

Rob shuffles down the front steps.

Rob sees Brenda's second story bedroom light come on. Hehides on the opposite side of the hedge bush from Ryan. Ryansees Rob smiling up at Brenda's room.

Rob watches Brenda peel off her clothes. Ryan turns his backto Brenda's window.

Rob leaves in his car. Ryan sees the house next door has aFOR SALE sign.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

INTERCUT - OFFICE AND RYAN'S CAR

Ryan's mother, DOROTHY TIPTON, 47, albino, fur coat, andfather, HOWARD TIPTON, 50, worn catcher mitt face, suit,share a cell phone on the other end.

HOWARDYou won't make any money being apoliceman.

49.

DOROTHYAnd you won't get shot!

HOWARDWe'll buy the house if you promiseto take over the family business.

RYANI'm sorry, Dad. I don't want totake over the family business.

EXT. RYAN'S CAR - DAY

Ryan squirms and perspires parked across the street fromBrenda's house. There are binoculars, empty coffee cups,and potato chip bags on the passenger seat.

KNOCKING on the passenger window. It's Brenda and Rob. Ryanrolls down the window. Rob sees the binoculars on the seat.

ROBYou're spying on her?

RYANNo. My parents are thinking ofbuying that house.

ROBWhat kind of lowlife would spy onwomen?

Rob grabs a chunk of Ryan's shirt. He yanks Ryan out of thecar.

RYANI'm pretty sure they're gonna buythat house!

Rob sees the FOR SALE sign on the lawn. He releases Ryan'sshirt.

INT. BRENDA'S CAR - DAY

Brenda parks her car across the street from Rob's place.

Rob takes a car cover off a white pickup truck. He hopsinto the truck and leaves. Brenda follows from a distance.

The white pickup enters a bank parking lot. It pulls to thered curb at the bank's entrance.

50.

Brenda parks. She uses binoculars to observe Rob. Shewitnesses him wipe down the interior with a cloth. Shesmiles when she sees him put on a black ski mask and gloves.

Rob conceals a gun as he dashes into the bank.

INT. BANK - DAY

Rob waves the gun as he races to the teller windows.

ROBThis is a robbery! Give me allyour money and no heros!

EXT. BANK PARKING LOT - DAY

A passing police officer spots the white pickup in the red.He pulls behind the truck.

OFFICER ONE, 30, Hispanic, pock-marked face, exits hispatrol car with a citation book.

Brenda dashes toward the officer.

BRENDAI was just leaving!

She jumps into the truck.

OFFICER ONEYou can't park in front of a bankwith the engine running. It lookssuspicious.

BRENDAYes, sir, officer sir.

Behind Officer One, she sees Rob inside the bank wieldinghis gun, and bank customers with their hands in the air.

OFFICER ONEIf you were in my shoes, and saw acar in front of a bank with theengine running, wouldn't you thinka robbery was going on in there?

Brenda sees the bank customers lying on the floor. She seestellers nervously putting money into bags.

51.

BRENDAYes, sir, officer sir. It won'thappen again.

Officer One watches Brenda park the truck in a parkingspace.

Brenda and Officer One stare at each other. Officer Onefinally leaves.

Brenda gets out of the truck and runs off.

Rob flings open the bank door. He searches hysterically forthe truck.

ROBDamn it!

He hastily takes off down the street with his bags of money.Sirens grow LOUDER. Red dye packs EXPLODE coating Rob.

ROBDamn it!

EXT. BUS STOP - DAY

Sirens WAIL. Rob, covered in red dye, sits on the bus benchstaring stoically out in space. PEOPLE shoot funny looks athim. Police cars ZOOM by.

A LITTLE BOY looks closely at Rob's facial scar.

Rob SNARLS at the boy who jumps back.


Brenda hands Boy On A Bicycle some money. The boy ridesoff.

Brenda spots a U-Haul truck next door. She watches Ryancarry a box from the truck into the garage. She jogstowards him, while looking nervously back at her house.

BRENDAYour parents bought the house!

RYANYup. I don't fully move in tillthe first of the month.

52.

BRENDAGreat! I gotta get back. Let'sdo something.

RYANI'll stop by--

BRENDANo! Uh, I'll stop by later.

Ryan watches her run back to her house.

INT. RYAN'S HOUSE - DAY

Several moving boxes marked: KITCHEN, RYAN'S BEDROOM, MASTERBEDROOM, BATHROOM, etc., are scattered about.

Ryan uses a box cutter to open a box marked: SKI STUFF. Hepulls out a black ski mask and black gloves. He plugs hisnose as he carries them toward the backyard.


Brenda basks in the sun on a chaise lounge. She HEARSRyan's sliding glass door open.

Ryan opens the gloves to air them out. Brenda creeps up tothe fence. She's surprised to see Ryan with the gloves andski mask.

Brenda glances back at her house. She attempts to getRyan's attention by waving her hands. He takes off his shirtand dives into the pool.

Ryan swims. Brenda throws a tennis ball over the fence atRyan to draw his attention. It barely misses him. Shethrows a Nerf football at him. She throws a giant exerciseball that smacks him in the head. Ryan stops swimming.

BRENDAHi, neighbor.

RYANHi.

He picks up the exercise ball and heads toward Brenda.

BRENDAAnd the tennis ball.

53.

She points at the tennis ball. Ryan retrieves the tennisball.

BRENDAHow's the new place?

RYANGreat. Just unpacking boxes.

BRENDAAnd the Nerf football.

She points at the football floating in the pool.

Ryan retrieves the football.

She scans his wet, chiseled body.

RYANWhat are you doing for work?

He hands the balls over the fence.

BRENDANothing much. How 'bout you?

RYANNothing my parents are proud of.

BRENDAGreat! I mean, it's probablysomething you want to do, right?

RYANYeah. I just thought of somethingfunny.

BRENDAWhat?

RYANI moved from the same house asyour boyfriend and now I'm goingto live right next to you.

BRENDAHe's not really my boyfriend.

RYANHe's not?

BRENDANo.

54.

Brenda stirs around.

BRENDAYou never made fun of his scar,did you?

RYANOf course not.

BRENDAIt's just that most people wouldsay something mean about--

RYANEveryone has a handicap. It'swhat's inside that matters.

A warm smiles comes over Brenda. She glances at her house.

BRENDAI gotta go.

RYANHey, you wanna have dinner at myplace?

BRENDASure!

RYANI don't know which box has thesilverware.

BRENDAI think we can spare some.

RYANSeven okay?

BRENDASeven's fine.


Brenda exits her house with a bag and walks next door. Shenotices a TV light flicker on Ryan's second floor. Shebites down on the bag handles. She climbs effortlessly ontoRyan's side yard gate and onto the roof.

55.

INT. RYAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

RYAN'S BEDROOM

Ryan watches TV with his back to the window. Brenda usesthe palm of her hand to push in the window pane whilequietly sliding the window open.

Brenda slides in and creeps up behind Ryan.

Brenda covers Ryan's eyes with her hands. Ryan jumps.

RYANShoot! Officer Harrier?

Ryan feels the two arms around him. He massages Brenda'sarms. He reaches up and massages her shoulders. Brendaenjoys this.

RYANThis better not be my mom.

Brenda bursts out LAUGHING. Ryan sees it's Brenda.

RYANHow'd you learn to sneak in likethat?

BRENDASomething passed down from thefamily.

KITCHEN

Brenda rinses dishes. Ryan sneaks up behind her. Brendasees his reflection in the kitchen window. She lets himcover her eyes with his hands. She massages his arms andshoulders.

BRENDAOfficer Harrier? Mom?

They LAUGH.

BRENDAYou're arrested so much you knowthe police by name?

RYANNot even close.

Ryan puts his arms around Brenda's waist. She staresdazedly into his eyes. They tap kiss a couple times before

56.

passionately locking lips. Hands slide up and down eachother's sides.

FRONT HALLWAY

RYANI'll get the silverware back toyou.

BRENDAKeep it. We got tons.


Rob hides behind the hedge. A light comes on in Brenda'sbedroom.

Rob sees Brenda through her bedroom window. He checks hiswatch which reads: 2:00 a.m.

Rob watches Brenda undress and put on her black, burglaroutfit. Her light goes out.

The front door opens.

Brenda gets into her car and drives off. Rob races acrossthe street and jumps into his car.

INT. ROB'S CAR - NIGHT

Rob keeps a safe distance behind Brenda's car.

Brenda's car pulls to the curb in a residentialneighborhood. Her headlights go out. Rob turns off hislights and pulls to the curb.

Rob curiously watches Brenda move to the side of a house andput on her ski mask.

Rob watches with mouth agape as Brenda effortlessly climbs agate and hops onto the roof. He sees her slide open awindow and disappear into the dark home.

LATER

Rob watches Brenda sneak down the roof with her loot bag.She hops off the gate. She drives off.

57.


Doorbell RINGS. Barbara opens the door to find Rob.

ROBIs Brenda around?

BARBARAThat depends.

Norm and Jenny close in. Norm peeks outside through thecurtains.

JENNYYou with anyone?

ROBNo.

Jenny yanks Rob inside. Barbara SLAMS the door.

NORMWhy do you want Brenda?

ROBJust seeing if she wanted to graba bite to eat.

Norm, Barbara, and Jenny frisk Rob.

NORMNo gun?

ROBNo.

BARBARADamn it.

They interrogate him like police detectives.

NORMHave you ever done drugs?

Rob is taken aback.

ROBNo.

BARBARAShoot.

58.

JENNYEver been to jail?

Rob hesitates.

ROBNo.

JENNYWrong answer.

Disappointment flashes across Norm's, Barbara's, and Jenny'sfaces.

NORMWhat do you do for a living?

ROBI'm a doctor.

BARBARAThat tears it!

They drag him to the front door.

BARBARAShe won't be seeing you.

Barbara opens the door as Norm and Jenny are about to throwRob out.

BRENDAWait!

Brenda dashes down the stairs.

BRENDARob's the one who helped me when Ifell off that roof. I'll see youat your place at seven.

She lets him out and closes the door. Norm, Barbara, andJenny run for the front window. They observe Rob trying tofigure out what just happened.

BARBARAYou can't go out with a doctor!

NORMYou have strict orders, younglady!

59.

JENNYHow do you know he's not a cop?

BARBARAOr with the F.B.I.?

NORMOr C.I.A.?

BRENDAHe's the O.C. Bank Robber.

JENNYWhat?

NORMHe is?

BARBARAHow do you know?

BRENDAI saw him rob the Bank America onPacific Coast Highway.

JENNYHe's perfect!

BARBARAAbsolutely dashing!

NORMCongratulations, Pumpkin!

BRENDA'S ROOM

Brenda stares at the wedding topper name sign on herdresser. She slowly crosses out the name "RYAN." Shewrites "ROB" in its place.


Rob and Brenda twirl spaghetti noodles around their forks.

Rob sits at an angle so his facial scar is hidden fromBrenda.

Brenda notices open cupboards stocked with canned goods.

ROBYour parents and aunt areinteresting.

60.

BRENDAThey're just looking out for me.Did you save any dying peopletoday?

ROBA couple. Did you nail anycriminals today?

BRENDAA couple.

ROBAnkle feel'n better?

BRENDAYup.

ROBI guess they still haven't caughtthe O.C. Burglar.

Brenda stirs in her chair.

BRENDAThey still haven't caught the O.C.Bank Robber.

Rob fidgets.

ROBMaybe the O.C. Burglar left town.Or maybe she's hurt.

BRENDAWhat makes you think she's a she?

ROBJust a guess.

BRENDAMaybe the O.C. Bank Robber liveshere...

Rob is stunned.

BRENDA...I mean, in this area, 'causethis is where all the robberiesare.

61.

ROBMaybe the O.C. Burglar lives withher parents...

Brenda is stunned.

ROBI mean, she seems kind ofyoung...climbing roofs and all.

BRENDAMaybe the O.C. Bank Robbercouldn't find his white, getawaypickup truck!

Rob is surprised.

ROBMaybe the O.C. Burglar fell off aroof, hurt her ankle, and had tobe carried off!

Brenda springs from her chair and races to the sofa.

BRENDAMaybe the O.C. Bank Robber keepshis guns, money, and ski masksunder his sofa cushions!

She yanks the cushions off and is stunned to find it empty.

BRENDAYou're the O.C. Bank Robber.

ROBYou're the O.C. Burglar.

BRENDANeither one of us can go to thecops.

ROBDeal.

They shake hands, sit down, and eat.

ROBIf you're gonna be my girl, yougotta be nice, smart,good-looking, and have nopsychological problems.

Brenda is taken aback.

62.

ROBThat's not asking much. Benice...don't be a witch. Besmart...crack a book once in awhile. Good-looking...that's whatmakeup's for.

Brenda angrily wraps spaghetti around her fork.

BRENDAAnd the psychological problems?

ROBAll women are nuts, so don't worryabout it. Let's just hope you'renot too far detached.

Brenda chomps hard on her garlic bread.

LATER

Brenda shows Rob how to walk stealthily.

ROBWhy do I need to know how you doyour burglaries?

BRENDAIn case I'm arrested, you can do aburglary just the way I do.They'll think they got the wrongguy and let me go.

ROBThat'll work?

BRENDAThey can't keep someone locked upwhile similar crimes are beingdone.

ROBAnd I'm going to teach you how torob banks?

Brenda is less than enthused.

BRENDAYeah.

63.

INT. RYAN'S APARTMENT - DAY

Ryan relaxes in his recliner watching TV. The walls arebare. There are moving boxes on the floor. He HEARS a cardoor shut.

Ryan peers out his window. He breaks into a grin when hesees Brenda striding up the walkway. His smile disappearswhen Brenda strolls over to Rob's apartment.

INT. ROB'S APARTMENT - DAY

Brenda watches Rob draw a bank interior on a whiteboard. Acamcorder on a tripod records the lesson. KNOCKING.

EXT. ROB'S APARTMENT - DAY

Ryan KNOCKS on the door. Rob opens the door slightly.

ROBWhat do you want?

Ryan tries to see into the room, but Rob closes the doorjust wide enough to see out with one eye.

RYAN(shouting)

I'm making hot, fresh, delicious,home-made chocolate chip cookiesand I was hoping you could lend mean egg!

Brenda tries to get a glimpse of Ryan. Rob closes the door.

The door opens the width of an egg. Fingers drop an eggthrough the gap. Ryan makes a shoestring catch. The doorSLAMS shut.

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Brenda and Ryan lie on towels eating chocolate chip cookies.

BRENDAThey're delicious.

RYANThanks. I borrowed an egg fromRob to make them.

Brenda checks her face in a mirror.

64.

BRENDAI was there when you borrowed it.

RYANYou know he's not a good guy.

BRENDAYeah.

RYANSo why be around him?

Ryan leans over and kisses Brenda.


Rob nervously watches Brenda step out of her second storybedroom window. She walks on the roof with ease like asure-footed big horn sheep.

BRENDACome on.

ROBNo!

Brenda yanks Rob onto the roof.

Rob HYPERVENTILATES as he bear hugs Brenda.

ROBYou better not get busted!

Ryan strolls along the sidewalk. He slows down to watch.

RYANBe careful!

BRENDAJust putting up Christmas lights.

RYANIn July?

Brenda helps Rob walk on the roof.

Rob slips on a loose shingle. He slides off the roof into athorny rose bush.

65.

INT. ROB'S CAR - DAY

Rob drives as Brenda rides shotgun. Rob has numerousscratch marks. The brown bag with the blow up doll is onthe floor.

ROBIt sometimes takes a week or moreto stake out a bank. You gottaknow where all the cameras are.You gotta know if it has lockingdoors that could trap you.

They pull into a red zone in front of a bank.

BRENDAYou're not gonna--

ROBNo. This is an honestwithdrawal...to get me through tothe next robbery.

Rob exits. He enters the bank.

Brenda's eyes get big when she sees a patrol car turn up thestreet. It stops behind a car parked in the red. AnOFFICER gets out with a citation book.

INT. BANK - DAY

Rob is at a teller's window. Brenda flings open the door.

BRENDARob! The cops are here!

Customers and bank employees freeze with frightened eyes onRob. The teller trembles as she slides some bills to Rob.

ROBThank you.

Rob calmly exits with Brenda.

ROBYou're gonna make a terrific bankrobber.

EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

MONTAGE - BRENDA BURGLES SEVERAL HOUSES

66.

-- She enters through a sliding glass door and exits with afull loot bag.

-- Brenda steals an expensive watch from a man in bed whoSNORES like a jet engine.

-- She exits a second story roof and descends with her bag.

INT. BRENDA'S ROOM - DAY

Brenda sleeps. Jewelry and money are spread out on Brenda'sdesk. Norm and Barbara help themselves to most of the money.Norm helps Barbara put on a necklace.

BARBARAIt's beautiful.

Brenda wakes up.

NORMJust checking out last night'sfind.

BARBARAGood job.

NORMYou're becoming a real pro.

BRENDAThere was more money than that.

NORMWe took out your rent and food.

BARBARAFor the past several months.

BRENDAI can't keep doing this.

BARBARASure, you can.

NORMYou don't want your dad sharing acell with a guy named Bubba.

BARBARAOr your mom sharing with a Bertha.

67.

EXT. RYAN'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Ryan sees Brenda exit her house all in black and carryingher black bag. Ryan jogs over to Brenda.

RYANWhere are you going at this hour?

BRENDAWork.

RYANYou're not a nightclub dancer, areyou?

BRENDANo.

RYANGood. An escort?

BRENDANo.

RYANHooker?

Brenda SLAPS Ryan's face. He feels his face. She gentlyrubs his face.

BRENDAIt's not something I'm proud of.

RYANThen what?

BRENDAI can't tell you, Ryan.

RYANIf you're not proud of it, don'tdo it.

BRENDAIf I could, I would, but I can't,so I won't.

RYANThis is your life, Brenda. No onecan make you do something youdon't want to do.

Ryan heads to his house.

68.

INT. BRENDA'S CAR - NIGHT

Brenda turns off the stereo and headlights. She pulls tothe curb in front of a large house.

Brenda stares morosely at the house. She opens the glovebox and stares at her black gloves and ski mask. She slowlyputs on the gloves and ski mask.

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Brenda creeps down a hallway. A baby's cry startles her.

A moved Brenda sees the baby and a passed out woman on acouch. Drug paraphernalia is on a coffee table.

Brenda cuddles the baby.

Brenda heats a baby bottle on the stove.

MONTAGE - BRENDA HELPS PEOPLE INSTEAD OF STEALING FROM THEM

-- A woman exits her bedroom. She looks straight at Brenda,who freezes. The woman approaches Brenda. She sleep walksinches past Brenda. Brenda gently turns the woman around.Brenda tucks the woman in to bed.

-- Brenda leaves money on the counter of a needy family.

A vacuum ROARS. Brenda vacuums with her back to the frontdoor. HOMEOWNER (50), Michelin tire man, enters.

HOMEOWNERWhen did you start coming onMondays?

The man cups his hands to act as a megaphone.

HOMEOWNERWhen did you--

Brenda jumps.

She shuts off the vacuum.

HOMEOWNERI didn't mean to scare you. Youmust be a substitute maid.

BRENDAYeah. Just finishing up.

69.

She hastily throws the vacuum into a closet.

BRENDADon't go in the kitchen. Thefloor's not dry.

HOMEOWNEROkay.

Brenda scurries out the front door.

EXT. BANK - DAY

MONTAGE - ROB FLEES SEVERAL BANKS WEARING A MASK

-- Rob flees a bank with his gun and loot bag.

-- Rob flees a bank and almost knocks down pedestrians.

-- Rob flees a bank and jumps into a getaway car.


Brenda and Rob watch TV on the couch. Rob keeps his facialscar angled away from Brenda. A microwave oven DINGS. Robgets up and heads to the kitchen. Brenda changes places onthe couch.

Rob returns with a bowl of popcorn.

ROBScoot over.

He practically sits on Brenda to force her to move back toher place. She moves over. His scar faces away from her.Rob throws an arm around Brenda.

BRENDAYou don't need to worry about howyou look.

ROBDon't worry about it.

BRENDAWhy not get an honest job?

ROBLook who's talking.

70.

BRENDAThere's all kinds of Internet andcustomer service jobs where no onewill see you and--

ROBNobody's gonna hire me. I was bornto rob banks.

Utter disgust swarms Brenda's face.

BRENDADoesn't it bother you to stick agun in some eighteen-year-oldteller's face?

ROBDon't you think you scare peoplewhen they find out someone was intheir home while they slept?

Brenda unwraps Rob's arm from her neck.

BRENDAYou use violence to steal!

ROBI steal green paper from banks!You're stealing people'shard-earned money and propertythat can't be replaced!

BRENDASomeone could die in one of yourrobberies!

ROBYour victims worry you're going tocome back!

EXT. BANK - DAY

Rob races out of a bank with loot bags. He jumps into a carand BURNS RUBBER.

INT. CAR - DAY

Rob flies down a street. Sirens WAIL. A police carfishtails around a corner right behind Rob.

71.

ROBShoot!

Rob punches numbers into his cell phone.

INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION ROB/BRENDA


Brenda answers her cell phone.

BRENDAHello.

ROBBrenda listen! The cops arechasing me! I need you to go tomy place and get rid of all theguns, money, any evidence!

BRENDARob, you gotta stop!

ROB (V.O.)Do it now, Brenda, or I'll tellthe cops what you do!

BRENDAOkay, okay.


Brenda finds guns and bundles of bills under the sofacushions. She stares at the items. She slams them into abox.

She replaces the cushions and uses a cloth to wipefingerprints off the coffee table. She dashes out.


Brenda DIGS a hole in the far corner of the backyard.

INT. RYAN'S BEDROOM - DAY

Ryan hears the digging. He peeks out his window.

Ryan sees Brenda place the box into the hole and cover itwith a piece of plywood. She shovels dirt on top.

72.

INT. THRIFT STORE - DAY

Brenda claws through a table piled high with costumejewelry.


Brenda walks to her car. Barbara stands at the front door.

BARBARAGet a nice haul!

Brenda unzips her jacket. Under her jacket is a uniformshirt with a BRENDA name tag.

INT. GAS STATION STORE - NIGHT

Brenda reads a romance novel at the cash register. GASSTATION CUSTOMER (30), bald, slides bills under a Plexiglaswindow.

GAS STATION CUSTOMERFifty on one.

Brenda pushes buttons on the cash register.


Brenda parks her car. She opens the trunk which is full ofcostume jewelry. She stuffs costume jewelry into her lootbag.


Brenda sleeps. Barbara thumbs through a pile of jewelry.She sees a price sticker on a necklace which reads: MADE INCHINA $1.00.

Barbara shakes Brenda's shoulder. Brenda wakes up. Barbarashows Brenda the price tag.

BARBARADid you burgle a dollhouse?

BRENDAIt was dark. I couldn't see.

73.

BARBARAUse a flashlight. How come wenever see Rob?

BRENDAI don't really like Rob.

BARBARAWell, we'd like to have him overfor dinner. Don't let a catchlike him get away.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Rob's car cuts through the corner gas station where Brendaworks. Brenda and Rob wave to each other as he speeds by.

The police car stays right on Rob's bumper. The two carsfly down a long straightaway.

Rob's car SWERVES and BRAKES hard. The patrol car shoots by.Rob's car pursues the patrol car.

Rob's car RAMS the patrol car's rear bumper several times.Rob's car STRIKES a corner of the bumper. The patrol carspins like a top. Rob's car continues on.

Rob's car SCREECHES around a corner.

Rob sees HOMELESS MAN, 40, filthy. The car SKIDS to a stop.Rob jumps out with the loot bags and ski mask. He tears offhis shirt and pants.

ROBYou must be cold. Put these on.

Homeless Man slowly peels off his tattered clothes. A SIRENWAILS in the distance.

Rob yanks Homeless Man's pants down. He has trouble pullingthe pants off over the shoes. Rob finally tears offHomeless Man's shoes and rips the pants off.

Homeless Man leans on Rob's shoulder as Rob helps him intohis pants.

The sirens get LOUDER. Rob keeps an eye out for the police.

ROBPut your hands up!

74.

Homeless Man immediately raises his hands. Rob slides hisshirt over him. The sirens get LOUDER.

Rob hastily plunks his ski mask on sideways on Homeless Man.

Homeless Man drops his arms.

ROBKeep 'em up.

Homeless Man raises his arms.

Rob smells Homeless Man's clothes, makes a disgusting face,and tosses them away. He dashes off in only his underwear.

The patrol car SCREECHES around a corner and SKIDS to a stopnear Homeless Man. The police officer exits with his gunpointed at Homeless Man.

INT. RYAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Ryan packs the few remaining boxes. Tires SQUEAL.

Ryan looks out his window. He sees Rob quickly park a blackpickup in the carport. He watches Rob quickly cover thetruck.

EXT. RYAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Ryan furtively ties a yellow ribbon around the blackpickup's tow ball. He sneaks away.

EXT. BANK - DAY

Rob hastily exits with loot bags. He jumps into the blackpickup truck and LAYS A SCRATCH out of the parking lot. Apatrol car gives chase.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Both cars fly down a boulevard with the patrol car inchesoff Rob's car. The cars approach an intersection.

At the last moment in the intersection, the pickup truckswerves onto the opposite side of the road. The patrol carcontinues on the right side of the road.

The pickup narrowly dodges oncoming traffic.

75.

The pickup and several patrol cars race down the boulevardseparated by the concrete median.

A police helicopter joins the chase.

The pickup narrowly misses a head-on with a semi truck byswerving at the last second.

The pickup skids a U-turn around several cars and fishtailsdown the street.

The police helicopter banks a hard U-turn. The patrol carsslow down, bounce over the median, and rejoin the chase.

The pickup approaches a freeway overpass. The policehelicopter catches up.

INT. POLICE HELICOPTER - DAY

The pickup ducks under the freeway overpass.

The helicopter hovers over the freeway overpass and waitsfor the pickup truck to come out the other end.

HELICOPTER POLICE (V.O.)He never came out! Suspect isstill under the freeway!

Police cars SKID to stops at both ends of the overpass.

INT. PATROL CAR - DAY

The pickup is stopped under the freeway. A black Lexuscomes out from under the freeway.

EXT. STREET - DAY

The officers, including Officer Two, exit their patrol carswith guns drawn at a figure inside the car.

OFFICER TWODriver, come out with your handsin the air!

The officers move cautiously toward the pickup.

OFFICER TWODriver, come out with your handsin the air!

76.

Officers use billy clubs to smash out the pickup's windows.

The officers discover the inflated blow up doll. It'spowered by an air compressor plugged into the cigarettelighter.

INT. BLACK LEXUS - DAY

Rob rides shotgun. He points his gun at a frightened FEMALEMOTORIST.

ROBPull over.

Female Motorist pulls to the curb.

Rob takes her phone.

ROBThanks for the lift.

Rob gets out and throws her phone with all his might. TheLexus SPEEDS off.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Officers dust the black pickup for fingerprints. Ryan showsOfficer Harrier the yellow ribbon he placed on the tow ball.


Rob watches TV in a wife beater shirt drinking beer. LOUDKNOCKING.

OFFICER HARRIERPolice! Open up!

Rob springs from the couch and looks out the window. Hesees several police cars.

LATER

Detectives search the apartment. Police lead a handcuffedRob out the door.


Officers escort Rob in handcuffs.

77.

ROBYou've got the wrong guy! I'mgonna sue you!

Officer Harrier strides over to Ryan.

OFFICER HARRIERYou better be right about thisguy.

VISITING AREA

An officer keeps an eye on Brenda and Rob who are separatedby a Plexiglas partition. Rob and Brenda use telephones tocommunicate.

ROBIf you can't hear yourself talk,it means they're listening in, sochange the subject.

BRENDAOkay.

ROBGet me out of here.

BRENDADo you promise to give up robbingbanks?

ROBBrenda, if you don't get me--

BRENDADo you?

ROBIf you don't rob a bank like Itaught you--

BRENDADo you?

ROBYes!

Guards look over at Rob.

78.

INT. BRENDA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Brenda paces. She stares morosely at Rob's black gloves,ski mask, and gun.


Brenda watches a police car turn up her street. The policecar parks between Brenda's house and Ryan's house.

INT. OFFICER HARRIER'S CAR - DAY

Officer Harrier kills the engine and turns to an OFFICER.

OFFICER HARRIERKid wants to be a cop. Let's showhim how we dance.


Brenda watches the officers creep through Ryan's side yard.

LATER

Brenda grins when she observes the officers escort Ryan outin handcuffs, and place him in the back of the patrol car.She races to her house.


Brenda darts into the kitchen where her mother cuts anunappetizing casserole. She plugs her nose.

BRENDARyan got arrested!

BARBARAWhat?

Brenda unplugs her nose. Norm and Jenny enter.

BRENDARyan got arrested!

JENNYHe did?

BRENDAI can go out with him now!

79.

Brenda plugs her nose.

INT. BANK - DAY

Brenda, dressed in black and wearing a ski mask, struts inwith her hips swaying side to side. She waves a gun overher head as she heads for a teller's window.

BRENDA(deep voice)

This is a robbery!

People SCREAM. Brenda SCREAMS and drops her gun. She picksup the gun and passes a note to the TELLER (20), tattoos,body piercings.

BRENDAThis is a robbery.

TELLERObviously.

The teller calmly stuffs bills into a bag and slides the bagto Brenda.

BRENDAThere better not be any explodingdye.

The teller slides the bag back, removes a small device, andslides the bag back to Brenda.

BRENDAThanks.

Brenda zips out the door into a waiting car by the frontentrance. The car PEELS OUT.


Rob uses a phone to speak to Brenda through the Plexiglaspartition.

ROBThey're not letting me out, so youdid something wrong.

BRENDALike what? I used a deep voice.

80.

Brenda and Rob watch an officer put on headphones. Theofficer flips a toggle switch.

BRENDAI made Coq Au Vin last night. Itwas delicious.

ROBI'll have to get the recipe.

Rob sees the bored officer take off his headphones. Robscans Brenda's body.

ROBYou didn't hide your rack!

BRENDAWhat?

ROBYou gotta hide cantaloupes thatbig or they'll know you're not me!

BRENDABut--

ROBHide your jugs, Brenda.

Brenda hangs up and strides toward the door. Rob watchesher butt move from side to side. He springs from his seatand POUNDS on the glass partition.

Brenda turns to find Rob agitated. She comes back and picksup the phone.

ROBYou gotta ding dong butt!

BRENDAWhat?

ROBYou got a fashion model bell butt.

He demonstrates by turning around and flinging his hips fromside to side.

ROBDing! Dong! Ding! Dong! You'dknock holes in hallway walls!

81.

BRENDAThat's how I walk.

ROBBut I don't.

BRENDAI don't know if I can do this.

ROBYou promised if I got caught--

BRENDAI know, but I'm kind of seeingthis guy.

Ryan looks through a door window, sees Brenda, and ducksdown.

ROBBut is he a criminal like me?

BRENDAYeah. He's got everything myparents want in a man.

ROBHow do you know?

BRENDAI saw him getting arrested.

ROBIf you don't get me out of here,I'll tell the cops you're the O.C.Burglar.

Brenda is trapped. They see the officer put on hisheadphones and flip the toggle switch.

ROBAnd just the dashiest dash ofground black pepper.

They see the uninterested officer flip the toggle switch andtake off his headphones.

ROBRob a bank in Newport. Cops thereare clueless.

BRENDAAre you sure?

82.

ROBA promotion for them is mallsecurity.


Rob's gun and an opened adult diaper package are on thecoffee table.

Brenda wears the diaper with foam bursting out the sides.Norm cuts a foam mattress topper. Barbara and Jenny ducttape foam around Brenda's torso.

Brenda cautiously picks up Rob's gun.

BRENDAI don't want to hurt anyone.

Norm takes the gun from Brenda, takes out the bullets, andmoves a lever on the gun.

NORMThe gun's empty and the safety'son.

Barbara examines the gun.

BARBARAThis could be a new line of workfor us.

NORMNo more roof climbing.

JENNYNo more dog bites.

BRENDAWhen this job is done, our life ofcrime is over.

Brenda walks like a sore marathoner.

BARBARADing dong butt's gone.

BRENDAI look like I did a triathlon.

83.

INT. BANK - DAY

Brenda moves stiffly.

BRENDA(deep voice)

This is a robbery!

She stumbles, falls, and lands on her back. The gun slidesacross the polished floor.

Brenda flails her arms and legs like an upside down turtle.Stunned onlookers watch Brenda rock her body from side toside until she lands on her stomach. She gets up, grabs thegun, and hobbles out.

BRENDASorry.

INT. CAR - DAY

Brenda hops in the car occupied by Norm, Barbara, and Jenny.The car SCREECHES away.

NORMAdd bank robbery to our resumes!

BRENDAIt's only attempted bank robbery.

JENNYWhat!

BARBARACan't you do anything right?


Ryan peeks through a window in the door. He sees Brenda andRob at the glass partition.

ROBYou gotta give 'em the "This is arobbery" note in my writing.

BRENDAWhere is it?

ROBIn with the instructional DVD.Who's the guy you're seeing?

84.

BRENDARyan.

ROBYou can't go out with him! He's acop!

BRENDANo, he's not.

ROBI saw him in here!

Ryan ducks out of sight.

BRENDAProbably when he was gettingarrested.

ROBNot unless prisoners hand out foodand blankets to other prisoners.Try it again, and act like a man.

INT. BANK - DAY

Brenda enters. She tugs at her crotch and spits on thefloor as she strides stiffly toward a teller's window.

Brenda points the gun at the teller. She hands the tellerthe note.

BRENDA(deep voice)

This is a bank robbery! Give meall your money and no heroes!

The teller stuffs bills into bags. Brenda grabs the bagsand dashes for the exit.

INT. CAR - DAY

Brenda hops in the car occupied by Norm, Barbara, and Jenny.The car ROCKETS from the bank.

JENNYAny chance you got the money?

BRENDAGot it.

85.

BARBARAWelcome to the world of armed bankrobbery!

BRENDAI'm done.

Barbara opens the glove box. She reaches for ski masks andgloves. Brenda grabs her arm. Brenda and Barbara lock eyes.

BRENDAIf you want to rob banks and go toprison, go ahead.

Barbara closes the glove box.

EXT. JOHNSON BACKYARD - DAY

Norm, Barbara, and Jenny watch as Brenda uses a shovel todig up Rob's box of cash. Brenda pulls the box from thehole.

EXT. RYAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Brenda sneaks over carrying the box. She sees the TV lightflicker in Ryan's bedroom. She places the box on the frontporch and RINGS the doorbell. She races to her house. Herskirt tears off on a bush exposing her underwear.

Car headlights beam around a turn and shine on half-nakedBrenda. She runs to her house. Ryan answers the door.


Ryan watches as Officer Harrier looks inside the box.

OFFICER HARRIERHoly moly!

Officer Harrier pulls out bundles of bills. He reads anenclosed letter.

OFFICER HARRIERI've given up bank robberyforever. Signed, The O.C. BankRobber.

JAIL CELL

Officer Harrier releases Rob from his cell.

86.

OFFICER HARRIERThe serial numbers on the billsmatch those stolen by The O.C.Bank Robber.

ROBYou're gonna pay for this.

Rob marches out.


Rob looks up at Brenda's second story bedroom window where aTV light flickers. He holds a cell phone to his ear.

ROBWhy'd you give 'em all my money?

INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION ROB/BRENDA

INT. BRENDA'S ROOM - NIGHT

BRENDAI had to convinced them they hadthe wrong guy.

ROBThat's all the money I had, MissMakeup! Get my money, or I'lltell Ryan about your birthmark.

BRENDAIt's over, Rob! Stop robbingbanks, and accept yourself as youare!

Brenda closes her cell phone.

Rob sees the TV light go out in Brenda's room.

Brenda exits and heads next door to Ryan's house.

Rob watches Ryan give Brenda a long kiss. Brenda entersRyan's house. Veins bulge from Rob's forehead.

Rob marches up to Brenda's house. He sneaks in through thefront door.

A light goes on in Brenda's bedroom.

87.

LATER

Rob sneaks out the front door carrying black gloves.

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Rob, dressed in black, shoves silverware into a bag. Heopens a bag containing Brenda's black gloves. He places aglove on the floor, and exits.


Officer Harrier escorts Brenda out in handcuffs. Brendalunges for a makeup kit. Officer Harrier pulls her away.


Several patrol cars are parked out front. Neighbors,including Ryan, watch police lead Brenda out in handcuffs.

Ryan watches officers place Brenda into a patrol car.


Ryan unlocks a cell door. He walks in and hands freshsheets and a blanket to Brenda. Her makeup wears thin overher birthmark.

BRENDAWhy didn't you tell me you were acop?

RYANI'm not a cop. I'm a custodyofficer.

BRENDAWhatever. You deceived me!

RYANHow?

BRENDAYou made me think you were acriminal!

RYANWhat?

88.

BRENDAI saw you get arrested outsideyour home.

RYANThat's from high school, remember?Officer Harrier tries to see if hecan break into our house.

BRENDAOh.

Brenda is red-faced.

VISITING AREA

Brenda faces Rob through the Plexiglas partition.

Rob sees a guard put on headphones. The guard flips atoggle switch.

ROBOne cup of flour, sift well...

Rob sees the bored guard take off his headphones.

ROBDrop the cop and come back to me,or rot here forever.

JAIL CELL

Brenda sees in the reflection of the door window that herbirthmark is visible. A steel door CLANGS. She panics, anddives onto her cot. She faces away from the door.

RYANTime to eat, Brenda.

Brenda pulls a blanket over her face. Ryan sets a plate offood on the cell door sill.

Ryan slides clean sheets between the cell bars.

RYANYou've gotta eat something.

Ryan opens the cell door, picks up the plate of food, andapproaches Brenda.


89.

She holds her blanket tightly.

BRENDALeave me alone.

He uses a spoon to scoop up applesauce.

RYANTry some applesauce.

BRENDANo!

RYANCome on.

He pulls the blanket off Brenda, exposing her birthmark.Ryan is stunned. He drops the spoon and leaves. Brendaweeps.


Ryan looks morosely over the fence at Brenda's darkenedbedroom. He stares at her empty chaise lounge chair.


Ryan delivers a tray of food and fresh sheets to Brenda.

RYANI smuggled you an extra muffin.

BRENDAThanks.

RYANWhy didn't you tell me?

BRENDAI didn't want to lose you.

RYANI'd find out sooner or later.How'd your gloves get there?

BRENDARob must've set me up.

90.

RYANThere's no future with someonelike Rob...eventually they getcaught.

BRENDAI don't want to go to prison.

RYANYou should've thought of thatahead of time. Maybe if you comeclean, you'll get a lightersentence.

BRENDAWhat happened to it only matterswhat's on the inside?

Ryan exits.


Something catches Ryan's eye in the front yard. He strollsover to the hedge and pulls off Brenda's torn skirt. Hestares up at Brenda's dark bedroom.

INT. RYAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Ryan punches keys on his computer.

ON THE COMPUTER

O.C. BURGLED HOMES

A news article with a goofy photo of Dave pops up. Theheadline reads: O.C. BURGLAR HITS HOME 23 TIMES.

EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

A burglar, dressed all in black, struggles to lift Dave'soversized La-Z-Boy chair into the trunk of a car.

The burglar finally gets the chair partially in. The carspeeds off.


Ryan opens Brenda's cell door.

91.

BRENDANo breakfast?

RYANThe O.C. Burglar struck again.

BRENDAHe did?

RYANYou're free to go.


A morose Brenda sits on the couch next to Rob. Some of herbirthmark is exposed.

ROBCover that thing up.

Brenda opens a compact and puts makeup over her birthmark.

ROBYou're gonna help me get all mymoney back.

BRENDAI suppose I owe you for getting meout?

ROBWhat are you talking about? Ididn't get you out.

BRENDAYou didn't do a burglary to get meout?

ROBNo.


Brenda, Norm, Barbara, and Jenny are seated at the diningroom table plugging their noses in front of plates ofcasserole.

BRENDAWhose house did you burgle to getme out?

92.

NORMWe didn't burgle anyone.

Brenda is confused.

JENNYYou got us scared about prison.

BRENDA'S ROOM

Brenda is at her computer. She reads a news article withthe headline: HEIRLOOM TAKEN IN O.C. BURGLARY. Next to thearticle is a picture of a crying elderly lady and a photo ofa wedding ring.

Brenda opens a hidden compartment in the back of a speaker.She removes a pouch. She turns the pouch over and jewelrypours onto her desk. She compares an identical ring to thenews photo ring.

Brenda looks up at the wedding topper and "ROB" name sign.


Brenda and Ryan sit on the edge of the swimming pool.

BRENDAGod's biggest joke is life itself.

Ryan looks at Brenda funny.

BRENDANo one asked for their life.

RYANBrenda.

BRENDAWe spend so much of our livespretending to be someone we'renot.

RYANIt's that perspective that makesyou who you are.

He picks up a towel.

RYANYou're smart. You have yourhealth.

93.

BRENDASo?

RYANSo you have everything.

Ryan uses a corner of the towel to gingerly wipe the coverup off Brenda's birthmark. She pulls away.


Brenda yanks the towel from Ryan. She reaches for hercompact. Ryan gently intercepts her hand. They lock eyes.

RYANI've already seen it. And if morepeople see it, it won't be a bigdeal to them.

Brenda lets Ryan have the towel. Ryan gingerly wipes offthe cover up as tears run down Brenda's cheeks.

RYANWhat is it with women and alltheir makeup?

BRENDAIt hides flaws.

RYANAll they need is a red, bulbousnose and over-sized floppy shoes,and they could join the circus.

Brenda laughs.

RYANThey think they have to look goodor nobody will like them.

He dips a corner of the towel into the pool.

RYANPersonality is what's important.

He hands the towel to Brenda.

RYANJust be yourself.

Brenda stares at the towel. She wipes off the rest of thecover up. Her entire birthmark is visible.

94.

RYANThe end to a caterpillar is abrand new life for the butterfly.

Ryan gives Brenda a tight hug. He kisses her birthmark.

RYANNobody's perfect.

BRENDAYou don't have a handicap.

RYANEveryone has a handicap. Some moreobvious than others, but we allhave 'em. It's how we live withthem that matters.

BRENDASo, what's yours?

Ryan disappears into his house.

He reappears with a small case.

Ryan opens the case. Brenda watches as he uses his fingersto gently prod around the eye that's always covered by hisemo hairstyle. He pulls out a glass eye from his eyesocket. Brenda is surprised.

RYANDon't tell the police, or I can'tbe a cop.

BRENDAI won't.

Ryan squirts liquid onto the glass eye and carefully uses acloth to clean it.

Brenda sees Ryan's hands shaking. She slides closer andputs her arms around him.

BRENDAI've always loved your eyes.

RYANI'm thankful I still have sight tosee all the beautiful things, likeyou, Brenda.

Brenda kisses Ryan.

95.

Ryan fakes dropping his glass eye into the pool.

RYANOh, no!

Brenda panics.

RYANJust kidding.

He carefully places the glass eye back into his eye socket.He winks his eyelid a few times.

RYANIt's made me a better person. Idon't take anything for granted.

BRENDAHow did it happen?

RYANMy brothers and I were playingwith bows and arrows. My brotheraccidentally shot me.

BRENDAHe must've felt terrible.

RYANAt first, I was angry, but then Itold him not to worry aboutit...that it was an accident.

BRENDALately, my life's been anaccident. I wish I could startover.

RYANYou can always start over.

Brenda slides into the pool and dunks her head underwater.


Brenda and Ryan use their hands to remove dirt from thehole. Brenda removes the wood cover and bags from the hole.

96.

INT. RYAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ryan snaps pictures of the loot bags. Brenda turns the bagsupside down. Stacks of bills pour out. Ryan's eyes bugout. He takes more pictures.

Brenda turns another bag upside down. A DVD, black skimask, and gloves tumble out.


The kitchen cupboards and drawers are open and mostly empty.Barbara and Jenny pack silverware into boxes.

LIVING ROOM

The living room is covered with open boxes. Brenda, Ryan,Barbara, Norm, and Jenny pack jewelry, china, silverware,and other items into boxes.

BRENDA'S ROOM

Ryan looks at Brenda as he packs stolen items into boxes.Brenda speaks into her phone.

BRENDAPeople will accept you as you are.

ROB (V.O.)No, they won't.

BRENDAYou don't have to keep robbingbanks. Hello? Hello?

Brenda closes her cell phone.

BRENDAHe going to rob the Newport BeachWells Fargo tomorrow.

On the dresser, a new name sign under the wedding topperreads "RYAN" in thick, black marker. The bride has a redbirthmark similar to Brenda's.


MONTAGE - BRENDA THROWS OUT ALL HER MIRRORS

97.

-- She throws out her makeup mirrors.

-- She throws out her car visor mirror.

Ryan helps Brenda carry her dresser mirror down the stairs.Norm, Barbara, and Jenny use dollies to wheel furniture outthe garage door.

NORMThis reverse burglary thing iskind of fun.

Brenda kisses her father on the cheek.

BRENDAYou really are The Grinch.

EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Brenda creeps up the front stairs with an envelope and asmall box. She places the box and envelope on the door mat.Brenda RINGS the doorbell and ducks behind bushes. The porchlight comes on.

The elderly lady, whose wedding ring was stolen, answers thedoor. She opens the small box which holds her ring. Sheecstatically rushes into the house. Brenda smiles.

INT. BRENDA'S CAR - NIGHT

Brenda and Ryan stake out Rob's place. A covered car sitsin the carport.

BRENDAWhatever car is under that coveris what he'll use to rob the bank.

Brenda reaches into the back seat. She gathers up her wigsand disguises.

RYANGood luck.

Brenda gets out. She tosses the disguises into a trash can.

Brenda dashes over and peeks under the car cover. She tiesa yellow ribbon to the tow ball, and sprints back.

98.


Officer Harrier strides over to Ryan carrying a box.

OFFICER HARRIERThe O.C. Burglar is calling itquits!

RYANHe is?

Ryan looks in the box and pulls out jewelry and other items.

OFFICER HARRIERThere's a lot more at my desk.

Officer Harrier reads a letter.

OFFICER HARRIERI've decided to give up burglaryonce and for all. Please forgiveme. Sincerely, The O.C. Burglar.

EXT. BANK - DAY

Ryan and Brenda hide behind a hedge. They watch an SUV pullto the front entrance.

Rob uses a cloth to wipe fingerprints off the SUV interior.He pulls a ski mask down over his head.

Rob conceals a gun as he dashes into the bank.

BRENDABe careful.

Ryan kisses Brenda. He races to the SUV.

INT. SUV - DAY

Ryan jumps in and removes the keys from the ignition. Hepushes the rear view mirror to the side. He hops into theback seat.

He punches numbers on his cell phone.

RYANSend police to the Newport WellsFargo! Bank robbery in progress!

Rob hustles out of the bank and jumps into the SUV.

99.

Rob tosses the bag and his gun onto the passenger seat. Hetries to move the gearshift. Rob sees the key is missingfrom the ignition. He searches frantically for the keys.

ROBDamn it! I don't need this!

RYANYes, you do.

A gun presses up against the back of Rob's head.

RYANHands behind your head.

Rob puts his hands behind his head. Ryan handcuffs Rob. Hetakes Rob's gun off the passenger seat.

EXT. BANK - DAY

Sirens BLARE. Ryan pulls Rob out of the SUV.

Police cars SKID to stops around the SUV.

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Brenda and Ryan watch passersby from a boardwalk bench.Brenda's entire birthmark is exposed.

RYANC'mon! It's huge.

BRENDAI guess she does have a big butt.

RYANAnd fat thighs. But who are we tojudge?

Brenda sees a bald man.

BRENDAHe's bald.

RYANHe's lucky. He doesn't have tospend money on shampoo andhaircuts.

Brenda sees an old man.

100.

BRENDAHe's old.

RYANWe'd be fortunate to live to sucha ripe old age.

They laugh and hug.

RYANI talked my parents into buyingthe home next to yours, so I couldbe close to you.

BRENDAI kind of figured that.

They kiss.

EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE - DAY

Dave exits a taxi. Furniture flows out the front door andcovers the front yard. Like a kid on Christmas morning,Dave runs from one piece of furniture to the next.

DAVEMy old dresser! My La-Z-Boy!

The hedges are trimmed back from the doors and windows.Brenda, Norm, Barbara, Jenny, and Ryan pass by.

BRENDAYou finally took his La-Z-Boy.

NORMI didn't take it.

Ryan whispers to Brenda, Norm, Barbara, and Jenny. Theysnicker.

Dave sees a new box.

DAVEA new burglar system!

The Johnsons smile and move on.

BRENDANo one's getting into his housenow.

101.

NORMSounds like a challenge.

BARBARAYou know, Ryan, you've got afuture as a burglar.

NORMAnd no one will suspect youbecause you're a cop!

BRENDADon't even think about it. I'llhave him arrest you.

RYANI might be the only son-in-law whoholds the cards over his in-laws.

They all laugh.

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Colorful sunrays blast through stained glass windows. Ryanand Brenda stand at the altar in bride/groom attire with aPRIEST, (50), thick eyeglasses. Norm, Barbara, and Jennyare in the front pew.

PRIESTYou may kiss the bride.

Ryan kisses Brenda on her completely exposed birthmark. Thetwo head down the center aisle to LOUD APPLAUSE.

RYANTwo o'clock, purple dress has along face.

Brenda sees a lady in a purple dress.

BRENDALike a horse.

RYANOne o'clock, peach dress, has abirthmark.

Brenda spots a girl in a peach dress.

BRENDAHers is nice, but mine's better.

102.

Brenda and Ryan smile down the aisle.

FADE OUT.

Documents

NOBODY'S PERFECT by Rick McCormick - SimplyScripts · NOBODY'S PERFECT by Rick McCormick 2322 Aralia Street Newport Beach, CA 92660 714.292.8688 ... head to toe. The two figures sneak