NEWS WRITING II

NEWS WRITING II

Back to Basics25 October 2010

Back to basics…Assignment feedback

In general, this assignment was very poorly done Highest mark – 70% (plus three people in

the 60s) Lowest mark – 42% Average – 52%

Way forward We’re going to go through the common

mistakes that we’re being made We already looked at intros and angles last week,

but there some very silly mistakes that were made. It was obvious you didn’t take this assignment seriously…


Who is this?

What is he famous for?

He is the inspiration for today’s lesson…


Mokaba’s statement was so effective because it was simple There was no need to it to be explained There was no ambiguity It conveyed thought in the best possible way

Your assignments were, in most cases, the exact opposite Tried to be unnecessarily clever and complicated – as if you were

trying to impress someone… In a lot of cases, the wrong words were used

Why use a “big” word? You clearly didn’t understand it, so why assume your reader will?

Over-complicated your sentences, trying to put too much information into them.

What’s wrong with just using a full stop and then starting a new sentence?

Paragraph structure was atrocious. KISS

Keep It Simple, Stupid

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – let’s start at the beginning

Intro and angle Discussed at length last week and you all knew what made a

good intro – so why did I get such few good intros? They were too long. Too boring. Written in the passive tense.

Contained none of the important information. In general, they were shocking.

There were some good ones, though. Here’s the best one: A suspected feud between two families in Mphophomeni informal

settlement outside Howick in the KwaZulu-natal Midlands has left atleast two men shot dead and five people severely injured.

Most of the intros were more than one sentence Intros are NEVER more than one sentence in a basic news story. EVER.

The angles were missing completely Why did NO ONE start with the grieving mother? Surely the mother

crying on the scene of her sons’ murders was the most important thing here?

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – let’s start at the beginning

Suggested intro: Ntombi Makhanya wept on the steps of her

home in the Mphophomeni township outside Howick on Sunday morning, just hours after her two sons were killed in an apparent gang attack.

Brothers Nathi and Agiza Makhanya were apparently at the two-bedroom house late on Saturday night when a group of unknown men stormed in. Police said that guns, pangas and possibly other weapons were used in the attack, which left the two men dead and five other family members seriously injured.

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – structure

Story structure is so important - and something most of you got wrong

Here’s the structure most of you chose: Wicks Vince Mom

Somebody tell me why… Decide what information is important and put that

higher up If you don’t interest your readers, they’ll just move on Sometimes the last person you speak to will be the one

who gives you the best information Don’t be closed-minded; consider all your information

before making a decision Should have gone

Mom (emotion) Vince (what happened) Wicks (injuries) Mom (how she was affected) Vince (police to investigate)


Going on from that, let’s look at paragraph and sentence structure

And here we use Mr Mokaba’s theory again Paragraphs

Have you ever read a news story with only one paragraph? NO! Then why did so many people decide to give me virtually no paragraphs?

Paragraphs are fundamentally important to your story structure Move smoothly through the story Break up thoughts and allow for transitions

Mokaba said “One Settler, One Bullet” We change this slightly: “One paragraph, one thought”

Sentence structure Same as paragraphs, sentence structure is vital

Needs to be strong thought-flow – you are all guilty of over-loading your sentences

One thought, one sentence. If you believe you need to use more information in that sentence, you can use a comma and put a second thought in – BUT THAT IS ALL!


Sentence structure…continued How do you know that you’ve over-written your sentence?

There’s a dead giveaway – there are more than two commas. If “but” and “and” are repeated If you read it out loud and it doesn’t make sense (like this

example) Order your sentence properly

English is not an easy language, but the one thing that is easy is the structure

SUBJECT ACTION OBJECT Matthew ate toast Please write in this active tense as much as you possibly can

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – which punctuation goes where?

Punctuation probs are symptoms of poor sentences

The longer the sentence, the more punctuation you have to use, the more likely you are to get it wrong

So – AGAIN – keep it simple Quotes – where do the marks go?

SAPF spokesman Lieutenant Colonel Vincent Mdunge said the man was shot execution-style in the back of the head.

In a complete quote: SAPF spokesman Lieutenant Colonel Vincent Mdunge said: “The man was shot execution-style in the back of the head.”

In a part-quote: SAPF spokesman Lieutenant Colonel Vincent Mdunge said the man was shot “execution-style in the back of the head”.

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – which punctuation goes where?

Commas Are only used for a few reasons:

(1) List items in a sentence – Mdunge said the gang used pangas, sticks, hand-held pistols and other home-made weapons to inflict injuries on the family members.

(2) For explanation purposes – The attack, which took place late on Saturday night, left two people dead and five injured. (in this case you can also use the hyphen [or dash])

(3) To link two thoughts together that can’t be separated - Ntombi Makhanya wept on the steps of her home in the Mphophomeni township outside Howick on Sunday morning, just hours after her two sons were killed in an apparent gang attack. (without the info after the comma we wouldn’t know why she was weeping – so it must be there)

Back to basics…Assignment feedback – Accuracy & attribution

One error in a story makes the ENTIRE story unbelievable - agree/disagree?


Basic premise is this: If you can’t get things like names right, how

can you be trusted with the technicalities? Here are the things you guys got most wrong:

Netcare / Netcare 911 Name of our province Our police service – and the ranks that go with them Case / cases / docket

There are absolutely basic – how could so many of you have gotten them wrong?


Attribution is so important Here’s the assumption: if you haven’t attributed it to

anyone, then you have said it yourself You can get away with it in the intro and – maybe – in the

second paragraph, but you must attribute the information to someone

You’ll see a lot of “who said?” in your assignments. This is where you should have attributed.

Attribute to the right people Paramedics can only comment on certain things – such as? Police are the ones who talk about the crime, what

happened, what is going to happen, etc. That’s there job. Don’t allow speculation or assumption to creep into your

story. Attribute all information to the right people


Editorialising Someone define what you understand

by this…


Editorialising is when you put in your own opinion/interpretation without it being backed up by any of the sources in your story

For e.g. in our assignment loads of you described the attack as brutal, horrific, terrible, etc. But none of the sources said this.

You have to let the words you choose to tell the story Explain the scene, describe the emotions of those

involved, but don’t use words that your sources didn’t And don’t be obvious, either

Saying the mom was sad is stupid – of course she was! But you can say she sat stunned, crying into her dead son’s T-shirt

Let your words and descriptions direct your readers

Documents

NEWS WRITING II