Newmoon Parody LOL So FUNNY!

8/8/2019 Newmoon Parody LOL So FUNNY!

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Alice: Here Bella open this.

Sunni: Yeah Bella open it...bitch.

Bella: Kay opens it.

Cuts finger

Everyone looks at Jasper.

Jasper: What?

Sunni: You’re supposed to attack her.

Jasper: Why?

Brenda: Because you’re not fully trainedin not eating humans.

Jasper: Yeah, and?



Sunni: And, so eat her!

Jasper: NO! She smells like fish!

Brenda: Damn you Bella! Just use somefucking soap!

Bella: I try but it always burns.

Brenda and Sunni: Wow.

At houseEdward: Take a walk with me.

Bella: Kay.

Brenda: This don’t sit right with me.

Edward: Bella we’re leaving.



Bella: Why?

Edward: What?

Bella: Why? Why is Oprah leaving theshow?

Edward: What?

Bella: Oprah, she’s leaving her show.

Brenda: No she’s going back.

Bella: Oh good.

Edward: Back to the point.

Sunni: Which was?

Edward: I’m leaving.



Sunni: Why?

Edward: The thing that happened withJasper.

Bella: Nothing happened.

Edward: Bella you burned off everyone’seyebrows

Brenda: bitch.

Bella: What happened with their eyebrows was nothing, Edward!

Nothing!

Edward: Bella don’t do anything recklessor stupid. Do you understand what I amsaying?



Sunni: No you were speaking Japanese.

Brenda: This is gay.

Bella: You can’t leave! Who will saveme from my retarded father?!

Edward: Chris Brown. Maybe he canteach you to run it run it .

Sunni: Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Brenda: Who cares?

Edward: Back to the point.

Sunni: I forgot what we were talkingabout.

Brenda: Damn it!!! MY EYEBROWS!



Bella! Close your legs!!

Bella: Sorry.

Edward: Goodbye Bella. Leaves

Bella: ....

Brenda: ....

Sunni: ...

4 hours later Sunni: Hey where’s Edward?

4 months later.

Sunni: Bella! Get your fat lazy ass up!



Bella: He’s gone.

Sunni: Obviously. I’m surprised thewhole town didn’t leave. You burneveryone’s eyebrows.

Later that night

Bella:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

!!!!!!!

Brenda: God damn it!

Sunni: Kicks Bella Get the fuck up!

Bella: Wha-what?

Sunni: Shut the fuck up! You’re so loud.



Bella: Sorry, I had a nightmare of

nothingness.

Brenda: I’ve had worst dreams of Michael Jackson.

At Jake’s house

Brenda: Where are we?

Sunni: Something named La Push.

Bella: We’re at Jake’s house.

Brenda: Who the fuck is Jake?

Sunni: Hey isn’t he a dog?

Bella: No.



Sunni: He wasn’t in the first TwilightParody.

Brenda: Oh yeah.

Jake: Hey Bella.

Brenda: Hey hot stuff.

Jake: ...who the fuck are they?

Bella: I don’t know. I keep seeing them.

Their apart of the story.

Jake: Coolio.

Brenda: So Jake, Bella brought youtrash.

Sunni: Happy Birthday.



Jake: Scrap metal. You shouldn’t have.

Bella: Their bikes, I thought you couldfix them up.

Sunni: Why can’t we just watch TV likenormal kids?

Jake: That’s boring.

In garage

Bella: I feel special.

Brenda: You are special.

Bella: You can’t prove that!

Jake: Shut up hoe!

Bella: I’m not your hoe.



Jake: Really?

Brenda: I’ll be your hoe.

Jake: ...no thanks.

Sunni: Oh burn.

Brenda: Oh well, I still have Carlisle.

Bella: What?

Brenda: nothing.

At school

Brenda: Bitch! Go to the movies with us.

Jess: I’m not a bitch.



Sunni: Well you are a girl

Jess: Yeah about that...

Bella: What?

Jess: Nothing.

At movies

Random guy on Movie screen: Put your gun down or I’m going to shoot your

freaking head off!

Random guy on movie screen 2: No you put your gun down or I’m going to shootyour freaking head off!

Random guy on movie screen 3: Both of you put your guns down or I’m going to

blow both of your freaking heads off!



Brenda: This movie is pointless.

Sunni: I know, right?

Jess: This is so good.

Sunni and Brenda: Wow.

At motorcycle place

Jacob: Where’s your clutch?

Bella: Right here.

Brenda: Why are we here again?

Sunni: Bella’s retarded.

Brenda: Where’s the popcorn?



Sunni: hands popcorn

Brenda: Why do you have a camera?

Sunni: I’m not missing this!

Bella: drives off

Jacob: God she’s hot.

Sunni: She just fell off her bike.

Jake: God that’s hot.

Brenda and Sunni: ...Wow.

Jake runs over to Bella and takes off shirt.

Bella: Thanks, you know your kind of beautiful right?



Jake: Thanks.

Sunni: Put your fucking shirt back on.We all know you have abs but jeez.

Brenda: Nice by the way.

Jake: Thanks.

Bella: Hello? Bleeding here!

Brenda: kicks Bella then shut up and bleed!

Sunni: Bitch

Brenda: I know.

Cliff diving



Sunni: Do it already Bella! Just fucking

jump!

Brenda: C’mon you’re wasting my battery!

Bella: Maybe I should think about this-

Sunni: pushes Bella off cliff

Bella: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Is that

VICTORIA!? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Brenda: Can this day get any better?

Jake saves Bella

Gives mouth to mouth

Brenda: Ew gay.



Jake: How is it gay? She’s a girl .

Bella: Yeah about that ...

Jake: What?

Bella: Nothing.

Jake: Harry Clearwater is dead.

Brenda: Finally.

Jake: And I’m a werewolf. DUN DUNDUUUUNNN!!!!

Sunni: shrugs not...really a shocker.

Brenda: Yeah you always smelled.

Jake: Really?



Bella: Yeah.

Brenda: you can’t talk you eyebrow burner. I had to go to the hospital to getthem surgical reattached.

At house

Brenda: Dylan!

Alice: Brenda?

Bella: Alice!

Alice: Bella!

Bella: Alice!

Sunni: Sunni!



Alice, Brenda, and Bella: ...

Sunni: I felt left out.

Alice: anyways Bella, how are you stillalive? I saw Sunni push you off the cliff.

Nice by the way.

Sunni: I know.

Jake comes in and tried to rape Bella.

Bella: What the FUCK?! Get the FUCK off of me!!!!

Jake: You don’t feel the same way?

Sunni and Brenda: Wow.

Later that night...



Sunni’s phone ringed

Edward: Sunni?

Sunni: What the fuck? It’s 3 in themorning? What do you want Sparkles?

Edward: When is the funeral?

Sunni: Who’s funeral?

Edward: Bella’s.

Sunni: ...........

Edward: Sunni? You still there? Is shealive?

Sunni: Oh no she’s dead. I pushed that bitch off the cliff. I videotaped it too. It’s



on Youtube. Make sure you see it. It gota billion hits.

Edward: ....

Edward hangs up.

Alice: We have to go save Edward!

Sunni: NO!! More sleep.

In Italy

Alice: Run fat girl! RUUNN!!!

Bella: I’m trying.

Edward: Ew. Is that Bella? Gross.

Brenda: What a great thing to say to your girl friend.



Bella: Yeah about that ...

Sunni: What?

Bella: Nothing.

Jane: Come with me.

Sunni: No. What are you like 5?

Jane: Screw you.

Sunni: Sorry but your not really my type.

Alec: Hello.

Sunni: Now THAT’S my type.

Alec: ?



Aro: I’ll give you a condition.

Alice: On?

Aro: On.

Edward: On?

Aro: On...

Brenda: On....?

Aro: On!

Edward: Damn it Aro! Are you going todo something or not?

Aro: It depends.

Edward: On?



Aro: On...

Brenda: Not this again.

Sunni: Just choose something!

Detective Stabler bursts into room.

Detective Stabler: You can’t handle thetruth!

Sunni: What?

Detective Stabler: Oh I thought this wasSVU

Brenda: Wrong channel. This is Direct TV so you would be on channel...242.

Detective Stabler: Thanks. Leaves



Aro: Anyways....you can leave if youchange her into a vampire.

Aro gets in front of Brenda and breatheson deeply.

Brenda: OMG! What is up with you

people and not brushing teeth!?

Edward: No way am I turning Bella intoa vampire! A whole life with her?Shudders

At house

Jake: I’m back!!! MUHAHAHAHA!!!

Brenda: Um...okay.

Bella: Why?



Jake: What?

Bella: Why? Why are you back?

Jake: I don’t know the writer wrote it.

Bella: Leave.

Jake: Kay.

Bella: Oh no! I sent my best friend away.GUILT! GUILT! SHAME! Robert

Pattinson!

Somewhere far away...

Rob: Kristen!!

Kristen: Rob it is just the wind-



Rob: It is NOT THE FUCKING WIND!I will find out myself!

Rob goes to Forks.

Brenda: OMG! You’re RobertPattinson!!!

Rob: No shiz.

Sunni: What is shiz anyway?

Rob: I think it’s a German Sausage.

THE END!!!

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Newmoon Parody LOL So FUNNY!