New Adders News Free in the Bar

Priceless

where sold The re-launch edition August 2014 Issue 1

Back in the mid 90s, before most of our players even knew what a silly mid off was, there lived a club magazine which had to be shut down after the office was raided by the Old Bill and the writers threatened with countless lawsuits, and so Adders News was much loved, often hated, but sadly short lived. But you cannot hide for ever and so it is back, New Adders News promises to be more irreverent, more cutting, just more moreness than before but this time we have a lawsuit budget so be warned. New Adders News - don't let the truth get in the way of a good story.

For Sale One Adelaide playing shirt, has a slight rip at the front but otherwise hardly used.

£7.28 ono. Contact Joe Morris at itwasplum@sacc.com

Top Tips

Increase club spirt by coming in screaming

“The Adders” towards the first eleven

captain on a Saturday night after another

heavy defeat. A Fitzpatrick, N11

Save money by putting only a quarter of

the recommended dilution for orange

squash in the first eleven jugs.

F & D Ellwood, Edmonton

First eleven batsmen. Hitting the ball in the

middle of the bat and not using the edges

makes your Saturday afternoons far more

enjoyable. J Morris, New Southgate

Showering once a month and wearing the

same clothes is a great way to save a few

quid. D Worth, The Scorebox

When using a groundsmans roller try and

keep your hands away from the heavy

back wheel. B Cohen, Crouch End

When joining a new cricket club why not

venture there every day for the first two

months to ingratiate yourself with the club

members? If there aren't any of your club

members around feel free to butt in on

conversations of the neighbouring Squash

club members. S Sheikh, Park Bench

AUSSIE WATCH

Here at the Adelaide we have enjoyed the

company of some interesting Antipodeans

over the years, so in recognition of all they

have brought to the club (including shenani-

gans) we shall share some of their stories

and see where these stars of the past are

today. With each NAN press release we will

cover a different overseas.

Tom Stillman

This flame red stallion graced us with his

presence over the 2002/2003 seasons as an

opening bowler. Stillers, as he was lovingly

known, was an integral part of a strong 1st X1

during this time. Tom didn’t shirk

responsibilities whilst travelling, as it was

indeed Stillers who revamped the Adelaide

fielding technique as he coached the colts the

“Stillman Bridge”.

Tom had a stint as assistant Groundsman

during his stay, although, sadly had to retire

within a few months due to an acute hand

injury!! (Why do you think they were called

stinging nettles Tommy?)

He enjoyed a drink in the bar, and supported

the bar profits in true Australian style,

although Tom can often be seen offering

advice to potential future overseas

candidates. With his wisdom starting with,

“did you realise a flamin Sambuca was ….

flamin!!??”

Upon moving back home, Tom, fell on his

feet and extended his life expectancy by

meeting and marrying a lovely lady by the

name of Justine who happened to be a

paramedic.

Tom is now a Dad, but let’s hope little Harry

has Justine’s genes.

Tom Stillman you are a true Adelaide

Legend and are welcome any time!!

Tom cheering on England in the Ashes

Next time we shall look at the adventures

of Matty Duff and his trip to Brighton.

GOD SAVE OUR QUEEN!!!!!

MISSING

Name: Matthew Fitzpatrick

Height: 5’11”

Weight: 9 stone

Last seen throwing a bail left handed at

Joe Hurst in Hoddesdon after calling him

a sh*&%y w@$k.

If found please return to SACC, N14 7JZ

With the injury list at the Adelaide increasing by the week, NAN this month looks at warm ups and asks, are they overrated?

It's not just at club level warm ups are causing problems. Even the pros are injuring themselves warming up. We have all heard the story about Glen McGrath rolling his ankle after stepping on a cricket ball, whilst warming

up playing a game of touch rugby, in the 2005 ashes. How about Sami Khedira during the warm up for the World Cup final, who injured a calf muscle!

So how have warm ups changed in recent years? Is there really a need to warm up? I remember as a 15 year old turning up to play for then club captain Daniel Whiting. There was none of this stretching, catching, or chasing after balls! The warm up was a much more relaxed affair with a beer and a fag! Danny selected his team by first choosing smokers, then a few that could drive the rest of the side to the game! Can you imagine the likes of Martin Flack warming up! Even the energetic 25 year old, 8 stone version warmed up with a beer and a fag!

In recent weeks The Adders have had 2 injuries in 2 weeks, both caused by warming up. The first at Barrowell Green saw Gary "na na na" (ask Brendan for the rest) Flack throw a ball at Kieron "the bear" Cromwell. Gary had just been told by captain Alex Flett that he was not keeping, and instead had chosen 12 year old Billy Amas. He wasn't too pleased with the decision Alex had made. Gary thought he could get himself a bowl instead, so in the warm up, threw the ball at the opening bowler whilst he was looking in the opposite direction. Mr Flack hit the bear on the top of the nose, knocking him to the floor unconscious! A few seconds later the bear got to his feet not knowing what had just happened. The team then took the field, with the bear given the new ball. After 3 deliveries and 3 very wide balls, he couldn't continue, and left the field. Gary's eyes lit up, but to his disappointment the ball was given to Dave Rhodes. The second incident was a week later again in the 2nd XI. This time Greg Mackett. Greg had done all the necessary pre warm up requirements. The tape measure was out as was the cones, stumps and not forgetting the paint! All looked good for Greg’s return to bowling. Then the big test, the warm up! The first few balls made it to the other end. I cannot comment on how close these practice balls were to the stump! After practice ball 5, Greg ended up in a heap on the floor holding his side. It didn’t look good for Greg and it wasn’t. Tests later revealed a ‘side strain’ keeping him out for 6 weeks! The dreaded warm up had struck again!

There is better news though, Martyn Chandler is making a recovery from his knee injury.. He is soon to give birth, which will ease the pressure on his knee a little more. Rumours that it is a baby chicken consummated during his many visits to KFC have proved unfounded. I hear that the knee injury Neil Watts (who is 59 according to one of our colts), picks up every season, is also improving. He may be back to full fitness within weeks. This can only be a good thing for the 1st team. The sooner he stops umpiring, the sooner the 1st XI will get some better decisions and have a chance of winning a game! Club captain Craig Lyte has asked if someone could stop the stair lift working at Neil's home address on a Saturday morning to keep him away from umpiring! So do we really need to warm up? They seems to have caused more harm than good in recent weeks! I'm off to make sure that Joe Collard is wrapped up in cotton wool. He has now played 4 games injury free, it can only be a matter of time before he is on the physio table! STOP PRESS - After a visit to Eileen Drewery, Greg has made a full recovery and back to fitness, playing again after only 2 weeks out!

Are warm ups overrated?

By

You have probably heard that our 3rd XI skip has been delving into the archives and coming up with some Adelaide performance records, leading to much discussion and argument in the bar. He has now probably produce a new listing to be brought to the club next week but NAN has a sneak preview.

Really Real Adelaide Records 1870 - 2014 Most club members from one family = Fitzpatricks with 83 Fastest 50 = Phil Todd, 5 balls Fastest 31 = Phil Todd, 6 balls Fastest 17 = Phil Todd, 1 ball Most catches by a wicketkeeper wearing Slazenger gloves, playing in the 3rd XI, on a Saturday in July against Ware Town, who has an occasional drink in the Arnos Con Club = Mark Spoons with 5. Most BBQs = Andy and Liz Fitz Most sons who have been pictured with A Cook = Andy and Liz Fitz with 1 Player who would have been 1st XI captain except he stopped playing = Jake Hennessy Person with most points to bring up at committee under AOB = Andy Fitz Only member that has been a policeman = Matt Fitz Best footballer = Danny Fitz Highest partnership for any wicket = Andy and Danny Fitz with 631 for 5th wicket First Adelaide member to start up a whatsapp group = Andy Fitz

These records are in the process of being verified so may well have been beaten at some stage but will stand until evidence has been found. Any evidence has to be signed as witnessed by my mate A Cook. So there.

For Sale

Four jars of home made mayonnaise, er wait, clotted cream, no it must be mayo surely.

It goes with chips. Doesn't it? Wifey? £8.00 ono. Contact Pete at

wewoneurovisiononce@sacc.com

Wanted Weaker strength orange juice for less than 20p per bottle as the

Kia ora is just way too strong for those namby pamby first teamers. Some different flavours for even less money a bonus.

Contact Paul at chuckhalfabarrell@sacc.com

AUNT ADEL’S AGONY ADVICE We Guarantee to compound your problems

In the first of an occasional series, we publish some members letters asking for some help.

Dear Aunt Adel I have had two Adelaide careers now and both times left owing match fees, subs and bar tab and massively under perform each time even though I am clearly brilliant and used to play football for Swansea when I was 6 days old. Do you think they will have me back again, I did play for Swansea don't you know? Ian Benna

Dear Ian Quite frankly, you are lucky we even let you play now on a Sunday for a Z grade team. I think we have probably had enough of your one trick pony even if it is fairly sizeable, so I wouldn't darken our door again if I were you, unless you bring a wad of cash. Your own cash. And then you still can't come in. Aunt Adel

Dear Aunt Adel I am a batsman of some repute, but for a couple of years now I just cannot seem to score any runs, can you help me? A Batsman

Dear A Batsman Holy cow, just which one of the first team are you?? Aunt Adel

Dear Aunt Adel You have to help my phone addiction. I cannot take thefield without it being stuck to my ear and I think it then makes me wander about the field and shout at everyone who drops a catch and we drop a lot of catches! Sadly I then dropped one as well and everyone laughed at me. What can I do. New Daddy

Dear New Daddy This is simple. It is well known that mobile give off dangerous radiation and it is this radiation that causes lack of concentration, pent up anger and crocodile hands. Leave the phone in the vallies bag, sorted. Aunt Adel

Dear Aunt Adel My team don't understand my captaincy methods what I learned at Oxford Uni from an Alistair Cook teaching day. On the Thursday, I select the batting order, which overs are bowled by who, where everyone is fielding and the order that they eat their tea. I then send it to the oppo and they play according to my plan. We are towards the top of the table so what is wrong with that. Axel Leftt

Dear Axel You got this from A Cook?? Explains everything. Cook out, Moores out, Downton out, Clarke out, bring back KP etc etc etc Aunt Adel

Have a problem? Tell Aunt Adel. As you can see, we will keep the letters anonymous to protect your identity. Don't suffer in silence, let Auntie help you.

An Interview with Ex Chairman Sir Daniel Charles Whiting. By Nathaniel Wickerbasket

In the first of an occa-sional series, we have met up with one of the old club legends, Sir Daniel Charles Whiting III, or as of course we used to know him, Dan Whiting. I have been granted an audience in his office overlooking Regents Park, and granted an audience it really is, as it is surely easier to see Pope Shane even with all the security around now in this world in 2025!Walking into his office, sitting behind his large mahogany desk with three secretaries and an agent noting down his every word, he at first didn't recognise me, clearly he is not used to meeting people these days in shorts, but once he saw the Adelaide polo shirt, a smile spread across his face and he greeted me with a "Wickers you colt" as he hadn't seen me since I was an un-der 15, and I thought that salutation was very quick of him. But sadly time is precious for him and straight down to the interview as his agent reminded him he had a lunch with JK

Rowling in an hour.

NW - so Sir Daniel Whiting, can I call you

Danny?

DW - yes, you can call

me Sir Daniel

NW - oh, thanks. A lot has happened in the 10 years since you left the club in 2015, care to fill

us in?

DW - yes it has, my first book went bonkers once it landed in India and suddenly all sorts of doors opened up and gave me an opportunity to give up work and dedicate myself to my first love, writing. The second book was an instant success, no doubt helped because I wrote it on my own and gave me my first Book-er. The Middle Stump grew at the same time and once Leonardo decided he wanted to turn it into a film, my fate was sealed and I became Adelaide's second global super-star. Since then, five more books have se-cured my place as the UK's top writer and the autobiography is a best

seller around the world.

NW - ah yes, the auto-biography. You were Adelaide for 30 years and yet your time at Adelaide was reduced to three paragraphs,

why was that?

DW - well I needed to get the facts that my adoring public wanted and so had to mention that I got two promo-tions in three years, and then about how I left the club after being chairman for four years as the premier club in

Middlesex.

NW - but the first team were in division 10? You put division 1 in the

book.

DW - is it? Oh dear, must have been a typo. No need to mention

that though is there.

NW - no of course. Wasn't it true that you were once escorted off the pitch by the police

though?

DW - no it isn't, er that was someone else

called Daniel.

NW - I also heard that there was a story of you handing an umpire a 'package' to look after, and then going into a mass panic when you discovered that he was

a policeman.

DW - What? No I did-n't, I wasn't even play-ing in that game. Be-sides, it was doc leaves

for an insect bite.

NW - Sorry that must be my informant's mis-take, never trust a grass eh? What about your father of the year trophies for being totally legless in the bar with your four kids in the corner, the youngest was no older than 6 and it was always well past midnite? Then there was your renditions of bawdy

songs?

DW - look I don't know where you get these ideas from but you publish these and I'll get the Barnet mafia to sort you out,

you understand?

NW - is that a threat

Dan?

DW - SIR DANIEL!! I think that's your taxi waiting outside. This interview has not taken place and will

never see the light of

day, comprenez vous?

NW - I came on my bike. I will go though, I will pass on your best wishes to the club shall

I?

With that, he twisted round the huge chair and stared out of the window. I felt two hands on my shoulders and was 'helped' through the door. As it shut behind me, I glanced back in time to see the great man wipe a tear from his eye. Maybe the hard exterior that he has become to survive in the dog eat dog literary world, is just that. Maybe is still the same Danny. I will publish and find out, tell my missus the policies

are under the stairs.

Editors

Richard Ellwood

Neil Watts

Contributors

Richard Ellwood

Neil Watts

Dan Whiting

Martyn Chandler

Any articles warmly

accepted from

anybody. Please get in

touch with one of the

editors. You could win

one of our great prizes

for your story.

5th July

1st XI v Eversholt

SACC 169-10 N.Iqbal 39

ECC 170-3

2nd XI v Potter Bar III

PBCC 155-10 P.Moran 3-21

SACC 145-10 A.Flett 69*

3rd XI v Knebworth Park V

KPCC 170-8

SACC 171-3 L.Gilbert 58*

A.Wilkinson 36*

12th July

1st XI v Chipperfield Clarendon

SACC 226-10 D.Fitzpatrick 53

CCCC 174-8 J.Collard 4-46

2nd XI v Ware

WCC 128-10 P.Moran 5-27

SACC 129-6 D.Whiting 40

3rd XI v Broxbourne IV

BCC 157-10 E.Heath 5-63

SACC 128 –10 M.Jones 32

26th July

1st XI v Bushey

SACC 65-10

BCC 66-7 J Peacock 5-22

2nd XI v Great Gaddesden

SACC 192-10

GGCC 90-10

3rd XI v Northampton Exiles III

NECC 76-10

SACC 81-1

19th July

1st XI v Luton Town & Indians II

SACC 95-10

LTCC 100-1

2nd XI v Old Owens II

OOCC 140-10

SACC 68-10 K Cromwell 3-16

D. Rhodes 3-20

3rd XI v Preston IV

SACC 215 –10 D. Wilkinson 45

PCC 144 –8 E. Heath 3-37

Results

Note:- Sunday games have not been included in this issue, due to the size of the oppositions scores the cost of printing was outside our budget!

Presidents Day

Sunday 24th August

Six a side get your teams in NOW!

Let Andy Fitz or Flacky know if you

want to play, team sheets up in the

clubroom.

See noticeboard for more details

July 100 Club Results

1st Harry Cox (we will hold his winning until his 18th birthday)

2nd Paul Ellwood

3rd Andy Fitzpatrick

4th Richard Thorp

5th Neil Watts

Thank you to all of you that enter the draw each month. If your not in the

100 CLUB why not! We have number still available, at £1 per number per

month there is no reason anyone shouldn't be in it.

Speak to Neil Watts to enter, he may name and shame those not involved

in the next issue! You have been warned

The colts season is now coming to an end. So how did we do?

Our under 10 made it through to finals day of the Gubby Allen Cup for the 2nd season running. The under 11s only won 2 games

but with a side made up of mostly under 10s, it looks good for next season. It was good news for the under 13s, winning their

league, they now have a knockout match to play. We will keep you posted in the next issue. Our under 15s finished runners up in

their league. Well done to all those involved and thanks to all the managers, coaches and helpers for their time this season.

Under 10s Under 11s Under 13s Under 15s

Batsmen of the year Henry Thomas Manolo Kemble-Diaz Billy Amas Alex Wilkinson

Bowler of the year Ollie Linke Gavin Gunawardena Dhruv Petal Connor Johnson

Player of the year Eddie Cox Keelan Sethi-socratous Oliver Heath

Most Improved Maya Bruck Alfie Smith Lewis Croft Santy Baines

Football Competition

See Insert with New Adders News for football

competition. Easy to play and only a fiver!