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Quiz! Are You Married?

It can be tricky to find out if you’re actually married or in a long term relationship that would make it a tad rude for you to be out dating

people. Let Jen and Dana help you find out.

1. Do you remember a legal ceremony where you answered a question with the phrase “I do”?

2. Does your bathroom have matching hand towels labeled his and hers?

3. Is there a person in your cell phone address book labeled wife/husband?

4. Does your bank account have two names on it? 5. Do you wake up beside the same person every morning? 6. Are there children that live in your home that resemble you, or

does one of these children go by the name Junior? 7. Do you have a tacky photo album covered in white satin and

lace that is labeled “Our Wedding”? 8. Do you own a mini- van? 9. When you drive this mini van do you sometimes have to

readjust the seat, as if someone else had been sitting in it? 10. Have you noticed that there are more dishes in the sink than

you could have possibly dirtied? 11. Do you have closets filled with clothes that do not belong to

you? 12. Is there a person that’s not related to you that ends your

conversations with “I love you” or calls you by an endearing term?

If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions, then chances are you might be married. You might try checking at the courthouse or perhaps asking the person living in your house if you are married or otherwise committed to them. Notice we did not offer our congratulations due to the fact that this quiz is not designed to assess the happiness of your union. When you find the person you might be married to, the next step is to openly discuss dating people who are not your partner, and also to discuss your partner with the people you are wanting to date. If you have not done both these things, and yet are dating unsuspecting nerdfoxes, please punch yourself.

Stalking the Wild Nerdfox by Zach C While Nerdfoxes may not have the nutritional value of wild edibles, they offer a unique pleasure all their own, avidly sought by those with refined taste. –Editor Finding large groups—a pride, pack, gaggle, herd—what have you—of nerdfoxes is easy! They have been known to congregate at events like conventions, any competition of home built equipment (e.g. home made rafts or potato guns), political rallies for unique or honest candidates (e.g. Dennis Kucinich, or any random Socialist), teach-ins for concerned people, any sort of demonstration (against war, for people or the earth), religious services that practice meditation till it hurts, celestial events (like comet viewings or meteor showers), nerdrock concerts (put your preferred band here), and even sports events (the nerdfoxes are the people that come up with chants that scare their own team). Small groups of nerdfoxes are a bit more difficult, but you can still bump into them… roaming the trails of the nearest wilderness area, drinking and playing board games in intellectually friendly bars or cooperatively owned coffeehouses, or working with Food Not Bombs, wading in a public fountain with their pants rolled up, in a study room, talking philosophy at 3am in the local 24 hour diner, sledding down a hill on a cafeteria tray after a snow, or lip syncing “Free To Be You and Me” and playing instruments made out of Lincoln Logs in the basement. Discovering an individual nerdfox is like sighting a rare bird or getting a missile shield to work, it takes careful planning and usually some inside information so you can be in the right place at the right time. An expert may find them prowling the streets, camping on the side of a highway, in a city park, or on a cliff, sitting on park benches reading newspapers or knitting scarves in the summer, napping under or in a tree, roaming the art museum, sitting in their car with the radio on listening to NPR with the engine off, in the library digging through the stacks for a rare book, or in a computer lab texting other people in the same computer lab.

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