NEA.BPD Aust: Barb Mullen July 2015. What is our role here? To learn about bpd? To learn techniques that will help us cope? To support each other? NEA.BPD

NEA.BPD Aust: Barb Mullen July 2015


What is our role here?

• To learn about bpd?

• To learn techniques that will help us cope?

• To support each other?


How will what we do in this class help us improve our relationship with our loved one?


Class practices:

Respect

Co-operate

Accept


Relationship Mindfulness Skills

Research shows: “The more emotionally involved the key relative,

the better the patient fared.”


What is a validating family environment?

• It legitimises family members experiences, especially private ones;

• It validates those experiences even when they do not sit easily with other’s experiences;

• It accepts differences, doesn’t try to change them;• It does not seek to control through manipulation;• It communicates acceptance and caring;• It facilitates problem solving, problem management

and coping;• It de-escalates invalidating behaviour.


Beware the FOG!

Fear

Obligation

Guilt

In a fog, we don’t see clearly


What is relationship mindfulness?

Relationship Mindfulness is being mindful of another person, or your current conversation (or transaction) with that other person. This means paying attention to him or her, not judging, getting and staying balanced in your emotions, keeping in mind your relationship and that anything you do will have an effect on him or her and on your relationship (and in turn, back on you). Relationship Mindfulness is being present in the relationship with awareness, empathy, and no judgments.


Balance in Relationships

Me You My needs/desires Your needs/desiresLogic/Emotion Emotion/LogicMy goals Your goals My values Your values My problems Your problemsMy happiness Your happiness


Non judgemental

The key to Relationship Mindfulness is to be nonjudgmental.

This means to see things just as they are, descriptively. No

blame. No right/wrong or good/bad. Judgments are toxic to our

own well-being and corrosive to our relationships. They get us

more escalated. Don't put an opinion onto the situation, event,

and/or person or assess things as good or bad. No judgments, no

opinions, “Just the facts.”

Fruzzetti (2006)


Reducing JudgementsHealthy Ways to Reduce Judgments

What How

Observe: just notice the other person

Non-judgementally: let go of ‘shoulds’ and right/wrong

Describe: attach words to the experience

One-mindfully: only pay attention to the other person or to the relationship

Participate: Involve yourself in the moment with you relative

Effectively: Reminder: you love this person even if you don’t like what they are doing


Role play..\videos\DBT Micro Lessons_ An Animation About Validation.mp4

Select a person you do not know well to role play with.

Select who will be the person with bpd first, you will have a chance to change roles. If you need to stop and start again, you can.

Chose one from the selection below to role play:

A 16 yr old daughter with BPD wants to go to a party.A 40 yr old daughter has to go to court for outstanding fines.A 40 yr old husband came home very spaced out last night.A 25 yr old daughter wants to move out of home.A 60 yr old mother tells you how horrible your father was.A 40 yr old sister wants you to come and clean her house.A 16 yr old son doesn’t want to go to school.A 40 yr old wife wants to go to a friends party without you.A 25 yr old daughter was came home with a strange man.

Or make up your own….you have 3mins each.



Emotion Management

1. Awareness of rising emotional arousal (using mindfulness)

2. Recognize and label the PRIMARY emotion accurately

(Anger is often not the primary emotion. More typically sadness and fear are the primary ones.)

3. “Treat” the primary emotion:

→ by acceptance of situation, or

→ change of situation

4. Finally (and not before): Either avoid saying anything, go on with other activities, or engage the other person constructively.


Steps in Identifying Emotions1. Events: a) external: environments; b) internal: thoughts, feelings

2. Vulnerability in the moment {If I am tired, sick, hungry, this will amplify my emotional reaction}.

3. Interpretation and perception of the event {You can either make malignant or benign interpretations. Try to give the benefit of the doubt.

4. Prior experiences/history {Is this the first time this has happened?}

5. Brain reactions

6. Facial expressions

7. Body posture {Relaxed and leaning forward shows attentive listening

8. Emotion labelling (accurate or inaccurate)


Primary and Secondary Emotions

▲ Primary emotion: initial response to a particular event; is normative, typically adaptive, effective.

▲ Secondary emotion(s): emotional response to a primary emotion. It is an emotional response to another emotion. This is usually problematic.

▲ Fear Anger ▲ Goal or strategy: identify the primary emotion;

refocus away from secondary emotions.


Secondary emotions happen in two ways 1. Repeated conditioning:

Sadness Anger (feels automatic)

2. Mediated by judgments:

Sadness AngerGuilt and ShameJealousy(secondary emotional reactions)


Decrease Emotional Vulnerability

1. Take care of physical illness 2. Eat healthy/well3. Get enough sleep4. Exercise5. Build a sense of competency, coping, mastery

If you are healthier (physically and emotionally), you will react better. Give yourself the oxygen first.


Decrease Emotional Reactivity

▲ Let go of strong anger in important relationships ▲ Use Relationship Mindfulness to sort out emotions, needs,

wants and to interrupt your negative reactions, anger and toxic responses.

▲ Be mindful of your relationship and your goals ▲ Be mindful of appropriate and effective timing of discussions ▲ When tired, hungry or upset, remember that emotional

reactivity is high for you and your BPD member ▲ Increase mindfulness of pleasant things that your family

member does for you, you do for your family member, or you do together.


States of Mind:

Emotion Mind:

This is where a mental place in which our emotions dominate our thoughts and often times determine our behaviours.


States of Mind:

Rational Mind:

The is the opposite of Emotion Mind.

Everything is very logical and factual, behaviour is planned out and problems are dealt with in amatter of fact, cool manner.



Opposite Action (Linehan)

1. When we feel angry, acting counter to how we feel reduces the anger – for example being kind, or gently avoiding (rather than attacking).2. When we feel afraid of something (that is not a threat to our life or true well-being), if we approach what we fear, we can decrease the fear3. When we feel ashamed about something (that we cannot change, or are not responsible for) we can face it rather than run or hide from it. 4. When we feel sad, we can get active, involved in something.


Relationship MindfulnessSummary

1. Be aware of longer-term relationship goals and desires (e.g., as a parent, partner, child). Try to avoid focusing only on the short term. 2. Experience yourself in the context of this relationship.3. Act from this context effectively: remember this is someone you love, care about and who loves and cares about you (even if it doesn’t seem that way right now).


Practice exercises:

1. List how many characteristics of a validating environment fit your family. 2. Using the Relationship Mindfulness Skills, pick one interaction and use the “How” skills to help to reduce judgments. 3. During the week go through the Steps of Identifying Emotions when you are experiencing something that is emotional. a) Practice observing increasing anger and interrupting it. b) Look for what emotion you were missing when focusing on anger. 4. Come up with the best strategy for you to decrease your emotional reactivity. Cont….


5. What State of Mind do you function in primarily? What particular situations bring you there?

6. Be aware of when you are in Wise Mind. What helps you get there? 7. a) Observe your Relationship Mindfulness with a non family member: observe, describe, and participate - non-judgmentally.

b) Practice Relationship Mindfulness at least once during the week with your family member using observe, describe, participate, nonjudgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively.

In both exercises, notice your own reactions and describe them.

c) Practice noticing when you disagree with another person. d) Note what happens when you let go of judgments and notice your new reaction.


Module 3 summary video

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFPuUa6sStY&list=PLsQK32cdMW_zwg6cyFDycuyUK-f9trW9p&index=3

• Or• http://www.bpdaustralia.com/videos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFPuUa6sStY&list=PLsQK32cdMW_zwg6cyFDycuyUK-f9trW9p&index=3



http://www.bpdaustralia.com/videos

Documents

NEA.BPD Aust: Barb Mullen July 2015. What is our role here? To learn about bpd? To learn techniques that will help us cope? To support each other? NEA.BPD