AStudy

in

Co);Itemplation

GETS NEW POST—Dr . W. A .Carrothers, U. B. C . economicsprofessor, who has been chosenby the government of San Sal -vador to investigate the unem -ployment situation there . Sal -ary agreed upon is said to be$50 a day, with a private planeat the disopsal of the investi -

gator .

FATHER AGAIN — Birth oftwins (boys) to Alan Morley,former Ubyssey Campus Crab,was announced Thursday . Mor-ley, interviewed in the Georgi aHotel, stated that he has defin-itely decided to contest Bin gCrosby 's record in siring mal echildren . Morley now has three .

NAZIS TAK EPOSSESSIO NOF ISLAND SIN SUPRIS EATTACK A SFUN IS HA DBY COLONELS

VICTORIA, March 25 (CUP)—Bruce McKelvie's Stormtroops last night took posses-sion of the Constituency ofthe Islands. Hundreds of re-tired Colonels in rowboatscrossed the stretch of waterbeween, and landed .

The populace greeted the mwithout notable enthusi-asm, and the Colonels head-ed for the home of Capt .Macgregor Macintosh, whowas placed under arrest .

All along the route, theflag of the Islands (threeguan obirds rampant on asullied ground) was pulleddown, and the flag of Fueh-rer McKelvie's new state ofVancouver Island (GretaGarbo saying "Ay vent tobe alone" on a willedground) was hurriedly putup.It is understood that Mc-

Kelvie will make his triumph-al entry tomorrow, when h ewill be received by a crowd ofthe three hundred inhabitantsof the Islands.

Alarm felt by the nativesof Prince Rupert was allaye dby McKelvie, who said, "Wehave had enough of the main-land. We will never attemptto take any of their territory .But we will defend the Island sto the last round and the las tColonel ."

VARSITY WILLBROADCAST

Does a microphone give you th e

willies ?

Do you cringe In fear when aske d

to speak over the air?

Don't we all ?

BUT, here's your :thanes to ge t

over that frightened feeling .

Thursday, March 31, U .B.C. stud-

ents will be taking part In a na-

tion wide broadcast over the CD C

network—originating In the uni-

versity auditorium .

Students In the audience, and

It Is hoped there will be many o f

them, (Totem $2.50) will be aske d

to sing varsity songs and take

part In the broadcast.

A student cast will participate in

the hour-long show, to start at ex-

actly 12 noon . Lectures will be can-

celled at 11 .46, in order that the

"studio audience" may assemble i ntime .

Get over your mike-fright. Join

in U.B.C.'e own coast-to-coast hook-up next Thursday. Watch notic eboards for further details .

CSHH K0 N I 0 0LATN NDPSG G

HONG KONG, March 25 (A., B.

& U. R. R.)—In one of the most

phenomenal days in years, Hong

Kong woke up this morning to fin d

that it was frozen. The western tri-

butaries of the Wing Ho were soli d

at an early hour, while the easter n

tributaries of the Ho Wing were

solid at an early hour .

Asked to comment on the weath-er, Hi Quong Leo, prominent au-

thority, said : (Totem $2.50) "Ny

duck me long time ." Translators

vary on their interpretations of

this, one school insisting that i t

means (Totem $2 .50) "I was asleepat the time," while the other sideclaims that he meant : "It's greatweather—for ducks . "

But nobody really knows .

In a surprise announcement late

last night the Senate announce d

that no candidatures for the 193 9

Rhodes Scholarship would be con-

sidered . The recipient of the Schol-

arship will be Prof . James A. Gib-

son, the announcement stated.

"After having Prof . Gibson on

the staff for a year, we have de-

aided to send him back to Ox-

ford," stated President Kllnok I n

a not very exoluslve Interview ,

since there were reporters ther e

from papers all over the *contin-

ent. "We feel—eh, If you onlyknew how we feel! "

Prof. Gibson when approached by

reporters was seen dusting off hi s

copy of the rules of order for the

Oxford Union . "Ah, you chaps," be

greeted us. "Can't give you more

than a minute, you know. Meanto-

say, busy and all that . Happy? Ab-

solutely. Full of beans. Cheerio."

NEW CAMPU SSITE PICKE DBY PREMIE RConstruction To

Start NowThe wheels of state growled

sullenly today as the super -human pilot at the helm ofthe Governmental ship let ou tthe clutch, and roared awayin high . The Premier an-nounced that a new Univer -sity would be built on th epeak of Grouse Mountain .

This sits has been picked, th emaster (Totem $2 .50) mindstated, because of the unrivalle dview, and because of the fact thatany road leading to the summitwould costa sum equal at leastto Britain's National Debt. Any-thing cheaper would not have alarge enough attractive fore* fo rtourists, he declared .

The construction of the newhome for the university will com-mence Immediatelyupon the return ofan architect who canstand the rarefied at-stand the rarefie datmosphere wasenough to direct thework. Labor will beprovided by student sand prospective stu-dents . A month's work is equiva-lent to three years' tuition fees .

It is important to note, declare dthe Idealist prime minister, thatour institution will now be the mostexpensive in the world, and will belimited to fifty students . Of coursethe buildings will be sufficient toaccommodate at least 2000 persons ,sang the politician, and then we wil lkill off at least 1500 undergrads I nconstruction work .

The major faculty at the ne wschool wil be one giving a degreeof LL.D. to people who are self-made men, the second faculty on egiving training in Law with a newdegree of K .C. as a reward to hon-est labor, and the third faculty, onegiving training in the dissipation ofmoney in as expeditious a mannerpossible, with a bank roll insteadof a degree as a species of practi-cal diploma .

Sports will be prohibited o n(Totem $2 .60) the Campus, fo rthere will be no playing field,gymnasium, stadium or any othe rtype of recreation equipment un-til the fifty students have them-selves contributed $200,000 to aGovernment Fund for the unem-ployed. The Government thenwill consider putting up a back -yard outhouse for the students togo and play marbles In, said th ePremier .

Ed. Disher HonoredBy Publicity Group :Will Address Wome n

Ed. Disher, president of Inter -fraternity council, was chose nThursday by the publicity cam-paign committee to carry the uni-versity's message to groups affi-liated with the B . C. Council ofWomen's Clubs .

During the course of the nextmonth, Dlsher will appear before38 women's clubs, speaking o nthe "Co-ed's Place In Universit yLife." Dlsher, who was amon gthe ten applying fbr the task, wa schosen rather than Clare Brown ,on the basis that he has a moreembracing knowledge of the sub-Ject .

Exception will be the addressto be given before the Youn gMother's Association, to be de -livered by president-elect Carso nMcGuire .

Drivers Beware !Your Day Has Come

Beginning next week a rigi dcheck-up of drivers' licenses will b emade by the provincial police. Al lstudent motorists are warned t oplace their registration slips in aconspicuous place In their cars .

DOO M

MILITARISM RAMPANT — Startlingly portrayed in the aboveillustration is the position of the C .O.T .C . on the U .B .C. campus .Will the student body, not knowing the terror that lurks aroun dthe corner, let the C.O.T.C . become more firmly established o nthis peaceful Point Grey site? Students arise—hound the killer s

out !

Present Score OfU,B .C. Symphony

Thursday noon Allard de Bidde rpresented to the University of Brit-ish Columbia the score of his Over-ture in D which he composed an ddedicated to the University .

The presentation was made i nthe Board Room in the presence of

the Acting President, the Deans an da few other members of the Facult ywho are interested in music . DeanBuchanan, Acting President, accept -ed the score on behalf of the Uni-versity .

The Overture was first played b ythe Vancouver Symphony Orches-tra at the opening concert of the193637 season . It was played agai nin February of this year .

BACK T OOXFOR D

•445noyl s! 4! 'wJey ou op ll!M leJaq!1 e aeueaeadde a94 4nq (OS'Z$ walol )'aa>leads eAi4eAaasuoD e sndweo a44 o) 6uuq o4 qnp ay) ao; wJal s!4 aw!4 eq sou iiIM a.tayl.D'a'd ay; ;o uo!uldo sndweo as!eJ o4 sdals 6u!)e4 sae ,,' ; ;oted e 6ulule3ulew 4a)peJ e 4snf si so! a-!!od„ ;ey; Aepuow !PunoD ,s4uapn4s aJo;aq pa! ;!4sa4 salAs red .eaoouyoa4 (Ja en paipoys 'qnp

;o siagwayAi •qn!D uo!ssnes!q !e~llyod aya Aq paJosuods 6u!laaw uado ue 4e 's !!ady awa yheads ll!M oyM ')!aM W E .u0H—3113H ONI133W SS3IIGGY Ol NOI1VOf103 AO 113 .LSINIW

r.T

-. _ —

Published Twice Weekly by the Publications Board of the University of British Columbi a

Vol . XX

VANCOUVER, B . C ., F RIDAY, MARCH 25, 1938

No. 40

Two

THE UBYSSEY

Friday, March 25, 1938

Issued twice weekly by the Students' Publications Board of the Alma Mater Societyof the University of British Columbia .

Office: 206 Auditorium Building

-

-

Phone Point Grey 206Campus Subscriptions, $1 .50

Mall Subscriptions, $2 .00

Advertising OfficePacific Publishers, Limited, 303-A Pander Street West, Vancouver, B . C .

Telephones : Trinity 194 5All advertising handled exclusively by Pacific Publishers, Limited

TOTEM $2 .50One of the most significant aspects of the Revolution of

1848 was the escape of Gambetta from Paris in a balloon .The ramifications of this move must be considered in ful lwhen we apply the principle of diminishing returns to th epropose draise in fees on the campus next year .

Was it not Horace who said, "Persico odi, puer appara-tus" In that message, we should derive comfort and strengthfor the problems of the future . After all, life is a transitor ything, so live to the full while it's hot and as Dr . Clem Daviesso subtly remarks, "Armageddon, where ? "

In resisting to the full enroachments against individualliberties and the freedom of; the press, we must always kee pin mind that the press stands in need of reform in its stand-ards of interpretation and selection . "Europe Totters OnBrink of Hell," the News-Herald remarks wearily whenthere's nothing very exciting for headlines .

Salve, atque Vale .Bless you all, goodbye again, and Peace . It's Wonderful !

THE UBYSSEY

se a .

The Chamber of Nine was still ,lit only by the guttering candles i nthe old skulls. Farey sprawleddrunkenly, happy at the end of hisyear . Vyle Line tossed off anothe rcup of coffee, and swallowed anolive. Bindleson was engaged i nshuttling a huge mass of requisi-tions,

"Eeny Meeny Money Moe .Yep! The Radio Club gets Art s100, and the Music Lecture goes inthe Book Exchange ."

Suddenly thi peace of the Ninewas abruptly shattered . Seventeenwing-fines whistled through the air ,and planted themselves in the table .And there at the door stood six-teen sinister Orientals, and at thei rhead was the insidious Chang Suey !

"Migod! Macgregor Macintos hwas right!" said Vyle Line, as henervously fingered the Pass Sys-tem .

"You need not look for the ne wNine," said Suey in a voice thatdripped honey. "Look!" And h eopened a trapdoor in the floor.

The Nine hurried to the hole i nthe floor. There they saw thei rcomrades, trying vainly to keeptheir heads above the water tha twas rapidly rising in the pit. DackJavis was scrambling frantically u pthe wall, which had been carefull ygreased six feet above the wate rlevel . Guire McCarson stood care -

Ion the head of Peggy Blom-

son, and muttered that it was tim ethey took a hand In that game. Andall the time the walls were slowl yclosing In, and the water was ris-ing.

There was a fiendish laugh, andthe Nine felt themselves seized b ystrong hands . In a trice (small re-ward for anyone who will show usa trice) they were pitching head -long down the steep shaft. Andover all rang the fiendish laughterof Chang Suey !

(WILL THE NINE GET OUT ?DOES ANYONE CARE? REA DOUR NEXT INSTALLMENT NEX TSEPTEMBER AND FIND OUT!)

SO SO

"How would you like to try the Big Apple? ""I'd rather have a Sweet Cap I "

TWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES"The purest /orm in which tobacco can be smoked ."

JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIaII lIIIIIIIIIII1HllIIIIIIIIIIHI lIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII e

"LET ME SERVE YOUR CAR, AND YOUR CAR WILL SERVE YOU""FRANK" FICHE

24-Hour Emergency Service — Complete Repair Facilitie sUTH ND OF McGILL ROAD

PT . GREY 53

U.B.O. SERVICE STATIO N

THE BEST CHOCOLATE MAD E

.11111111 1

a treatto eat

try it today/e . silt

.,i f iIIIIIIII11(11IIIIIIplllfr, _

\tam— \

Fox Calls Me n"Lot o ' Bums"

"You're a bunch of bums. "That's all W.U .S . proxy Peggy

Fox could say Monday night af-ter she saw men on Students 'Council veto the women's propo-sal that $10,000 of the Unio nBuilding funds—originally raise dby W.U.S.—be drawn out andearmarked for building furnish-ings .With every male member excep t

John Bird rising to his feet in pro-test over the W.U.S .proposal, and objec-tions to the matterflying thick and fast ,Miss Fox and hertwo supporters, Blackand Meredith, werehopelessly outnrtmb-Bred. (Totem $2 .50 . )

Bird, whom Peggy described as"mumbling over a piece of paper, "was asked to support the women'scase .

"What case?" he asked .Money given to the fund by W .

U.S. can no longer be considere dthe property of the donor, it wa spointed out in the argument.

Russia Confers HonorOn U .B.C. Economist

MOSCOW, March 24 (CUP) —Joseph Stalin, ruler of thousandsof Communists, today announcedthat the Red Gold Medal of Honorwould be conferred upon Prof . H.F. Angus of the University of Brit-ish Columbia, in recognition of hi swork on the Rowell Commission . Itis understood in informed quarter sthat the award will be made som etime early in May ,

"Prof . Angus," said the mous-tached dictator, "has done invalu-able work for the cause, and it isonly fitting that we should makesome recognition of this . If he willcome to Russia, we will be glad toentertain him . "

, .aor 5100)'. . iw

SUM Iv:3d MI3!nitLYcII-M.03

RESIGNS—Kemp Edmonds, for -mer Ubyssey editor, who Wed -nesday resigned in protest asStudents' Council berated hi mfor publishing articles "detri -mental to the good name of th e

university."

Orientation Cours ePromises to B e

Quite Interesting !Definite announcement concernin g

the orientation courses called fo rby the recent student questionnaire ,in which 2000 students indicate dtheir approval of general educa-tional courses for freshmen, wasmade Wednesday night followingthe regular meeting of FacultyCommittee on Student affairs .

Sex-education, pre-marital rela-tions, promiscuity among colleg estudents, etiquette, religious ad-justment, gardening, art appreci-ation, are some of the feature sthat will (Totem $2 .50) enter th efreshman curriculum next fall . Lec-tures will be given at noon-hour sand Thursday nights, and freshmenwill be expected to make reports ona certain amount of field-work dur-ing the session, for Universitycredit ,

Appointment of Miss Mae Wes tas Special Lecturer in Psycho -physical Adjustment was announce dThursday by the dean, who has re-turned from Los Angeles after per-sonally contacting Miss West fo rthe post .

ASSUMES OFFICE — DorwinBaird, editor-elect of the Ubys -sey . Baird has served as News-Manager and Senior Editor, an dis well known in broadcastingcircles as head announcer ofVarsity Time, and prominentmike-man on local radio sta -tions. Baird 's regime as Editor -in-Chief will climax five yearswork on the Ubyssey . (Totem

$2.50 . )

ViewingThe News

With

Totem $2 .5 0By the Ex-exchange Editor

o M

MONTREAL, Today, Flash (C UP) (Cursed Unctious Precision) --John H. McDonald, erstwhile Edit-or-in-Chief of the McGill Daily andPresident of the C .U.P., retired yes -terday from his high position in thejournalistic world to take up th ecommunistic banner in Quebe cagainst Premier Duplessls .

John H. follows in the footstepsof his distinguished predecessor,the founder of the McGill Daily, W .E. Gladstone Murray, more popu •larly known as Major "Bill" Mur-ray, notorious throughout Canad ain connection with ether, etherwaves and Night Shift . Courtesy ,Totem, $2 .50.

LONDON, Immediatement (BSM )my the same moans)—Ethel Barry -more, the renowned American ac-rese who has received so much pub-licity from her big brothers, Joh nand Lionel, expressed her attitudethat she did not require any moregood publicity when she refused t ogive an interview to representative sof C.U.P. and the U. of W. O. Ga-zette. Gazette describes Miss Bar-rymore as a piece of soap, sayin gthat trying to get an interview withher to be like trying to strike aniatch on soap. We hope it's life -buoy, anyway.

Miss Barrymore even refused toanswer yes or no to several writte nquestions, such as the value of col-lege dramatics, the attitude of theprofessional stage toward them an dtheir value as training for the pro-fessional stage ,

Perhaps Ethel was just being dip-lomatic .

The Gazette says, "'Temparment'impresses only boobies and yokels . "Apparently it did .

Bye-bye .

DePoe Back FromCasual Jaunt to

Southern Point sNorman DePoe, former pub-

stet, returned to the campus Mon -day after a short visit to th eUnited States. DePoe describe dconditions In the U . S. as being(Totem $2.50) "in a state whereone does not feel like stayin glong."

DePoe made, during his sta yacross the line, an extensivestudy of penal conditions, spend -ing six hours Investigating th eSeattle City Jail .

He was welcomed back by adelegation of fifteen creditors .

THE HOTEL VANCOUVE Rfeaturin g

Mart Kenney's Musi cAND HIS TWELVE WESTERN

GENTLEMEN

VARSITYSERVICE STATION

"AT THE GATES""Our Service Means Happy Motoring"

LIVE IN FRENCH FOR 6 WEEKSIN FRENCH CANADA

Elementary, Intermediate, Advancedcourses, Coeducational . Certificatesand college credit. Residence innewly opened Douglas Hall: 30thJune—10th August . Inclusive fee$180. Write for booklet to secretary:RESIDENTIAL Preach SUMMER SCHOOL

M,L'lll 11NIVIMSI(r , MONINIAl,CANAD 4

UNIVERSITY BROADCAS TThe University Broadcast overCBC will take place on Thurs -day, March 31, from 12 noon to1 p .m. In order that all mayassemble in the Auditorium ,where the broadcast will be giv -en, promptly before 12 o'clock ,the last lectures and laboratorie sin the forenoon of that day wil lclone at 11,45 . All 12 o'clocklectures for that day will b ecancelled . D. BUCHANAN ,Dean.

STUD YFRENC HTHIS SUMME R

1

KING AWASH . . . This is not King John caught by the tide i nthe Wash . This is King John making sure the lily blooms wil lbloom in the moat . He is wearing plus fours because it is nearly

3.30 and he is leaving for golf .

ANNUAL A. M. S. MEE TWednesday Noon

41

-

'

it

Annual ReportsNew Council Takes Over

Union BuildingPublicity Campaign

"Frelativity Jewellery a Specialty"

FIRBANK &LANCE Seymour atDunsntuirSEY. 2088

PERSONAL JEWELLERS TO EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY

BANKING BY MAIL

for the STUDENT AT WORKWhen you get your first pay this summer, don't keep i tin your pocket or "under your pillow" where it mighteasily get lost or stolen .Before you go away call and ask the manager for a copyof our folder,, "How to Bank by Mail ."

SetabIl .h .d 1917WEST POINT GREY BRANC H

A. B. MOORE, Mgr.

Saamat and Tenth Avenue Wes t

OUR STORE is well stocked with goods you will not see i nany other stationery store. Come in and have a lookaround .

PRINTING of the best . Let us print your Dance Programs ,Fraternity and Sorority Stationery .

TH E

CLARKE & STUARTCompany Limite d

STATIONERS AND PRINTER S550 Seymour Street

Phone Trinity 1341

Vancouver, B . C .

"WE ARE YOUR DELIVERY SERVIC EB, C. DISTRICT TEL. and DELIVERY CO. LTD.REAR: 518 WEST HASTINGS ST .

BEYMOUR 918 5AFTER . P .M ., ALSO SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS, SHY. 8104 KHEAD OFFICE: MARINE BUILDIN G

TRUCKS, MOTORCYCLES AND DIKS MESSENGER SAVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES

BANK OF MONTREAL

Friday, March 25, 1938

THE UBYSSEY

Three

PERSONALITY PARADE

$30 Monthly BuysA New Ford V-8

You'll Do Better At

BALD E R STO N' SGeorgia at Bute

Sey . 522 4

$JIOPPIO 6Spring's the time for walking! And Rae-Son's Budget Shop on th e

mezzanine floor at 644 Granville Street can give you the best shoes fo rwalking . Lovely buck oxfords with not-too-high, not-too-low heels come inblack, brown, grey and blue .

With the dying words of Mary Ann we say go to Rae-Son's Budget Sho pfor footwear fall, winter, this coming spring and all of the summer vacation .644 Granville Street, and the mezzanine floor is just down the street fro mGeorgia on the east side ,

Gloves to match your stockings . . . can you Imagine . Well, Wilson' sGlove and Hosiery Shop have just that . Their roseberry gloves are the sam eshade as the popular red clay stockings and Paris and gloves match exactl yrust stockings, particularly copper blush .

#

..RThere's plenty of German Teachers at Varsity but they ' re awfully busy.

So if you don't seem to be getting along very well make arrangements wit hBaron von Wittgenstein, Bay . 1182X, for personal tutoring . The Baron wil lget you through your exams .

.

4sWhat a party—what a tim eStep right up and get in lineAll Varsity is Commodore-boundFor fun on the Theta Merry-go-round .

Celebrate after exams at the Theta Cabaret, April 29, at the Commodore .. #

A certain little Theta can't do any studying, worrying about whether th eadmired Phi Delt will come through on April 29 .

#It happened quite a while ago but a new Player's Club lady is stil l

wondering how the liquor license belonging to one of the leading men i n"The Playboy" got into her bed .

.

-

.01One Zete lost a number of a brother Zete's friends for him when he sen t

an anonymous note to Mary Ann . But it was all because people think othe rpeople want publicity .

# -1l 4cBrown Bros . cater for graduation corsages so that all the trouble you

have to go to is to first of all graduate and then phone Brown Bros ., Sey. 1484 .# - #

wait s!y4 Waisrts pdeM epa•oo a

6u!ssed u! iIJOM Ja ydo} paJOUOy seM ueaf ./Je!l!xn es,uawoM sJaau!6ua AeMI!e dUOl4B! osse ayl .tuap!sadd /Je d-ouoy 6u!4De pa4u!odde Alwap-a~'44!pa-IaW ueaf—diaONOH

V.C.U. HEAD — James Bever -idge, campus intellect, who wa schosen this week to head th eVarsity Christian Union next

year .

S.C.M . DANCETonight is the S .C.M. banque t

and dance to be held at theDeutschland Cafe, 615 Seymour St . ,starting at 7.15 p.m. Admission i s75c per person and (Totem $2 .50 )tickets may be obtained from th eS.C.M. Room, 312 Auditorium build-ing. Carson McGuire will' be theguest speaker and anyone on thecampus is invited to attend .

LAW CLUBWith a meeting scheduled for

the week after examinations, thenewly-formed Law Society is plan-ning to carry on activities duringthe summer. All members are ad-vised to hand their names, ad -dresses and phone numbers t oBernard Reed or Don McTaggart.(Totem $2.50) .

TRANSLATION SWe * .0 supply any Eaell .h Trem lUw

published—FOR ALL LANOUAOISOrder or writ* for prices ea your Verde

The Book Exchange Reg'daperiell .b lu New *od Used TewlbooA.390 BLOOM W . TORONTO, ONT .

####################### #*POINT GREY FLOWER SHOP*

Flowers for Every Occasio n

* Cortege, Bouquet ., etc ., made to orde r

*** 4429 W. TENTH Ave . Pt .Orey ego *************************

FIRST SERMON—Gordon Neil ,Musical Society matinee idol ,who preached his first sermon i nthe Little Church Around th eCorner . Hundreds of wome njammed into the building, whil ethousands of others were turned

away .

SMa!A xopoy{doun,, s!y do} pad! }'puowwnua ' ;ad aoelda.l ll!MJea9wy ' ag .n 4e SD!wouooa JoJossa}oJd atepOSSe se >laaM Slyipatu!odde ' . d . W , . V g , W r .D .)I'Jaaeo I '9 'S — G31NIOddV

BURSARY CONCER TMrs . George B . McClellan pre-

sents Florence Berry, A.T .C .M., andLouie Stirrk, soprano, at the hotelVancouver Oak Room, April 5 . Pro-ceeds from a silver collection willgo to the University of TorontoAlumnae Bursary Fund for U.B.C .

SHORT WAVE CLU BThe short wave club is being re-

arranged for the next term into anately with G. M . Schuthe or .1. B.are asked to get in touch immedi -

Any licensed amateurs intereste d'ilua

Give name, telephone number, an dThwaltes via Arts Letter Rack .traffic .pose of handling inter-universit yactive operator's club for the pur-

The Dolphin Tea House wish to thank all the students of the universityfor their patronage during the Dolphin's first academic year, and hope tha tthey will have an enjoyable summer.' When you return in the fall the Dolphin will be here ready to serv elunches and tea to students . And by the way, if you are in town during thesummer or attending summer school the Dolphin is a lovely outdoor tea house .

Annual A.M .S. MeetSlated for Wed . Noon

—Puleeze Be There"Totem, $2.50 ."This magic phrase, used in recent

Totem ads, has brought an unpre-cedented advance order for th e1938 year book .

Orders are taken at the Ubysse yoffice, and no cash is required .

Totem will be published whenEditor Crawley deems it fitting, andthen the $2 .50 will be collected . Inthe meantime, order yours now.

B'NAI B'RITH SCHOLARSHIPSFrom the sum of $250 made

available by District Grand Lodge,No. 4, B'nai B'rith, through SamuelLodge, Vancouver, B . C., two schol-arships of the value of $125 each There is none Setter than the "lest"have been established In the Ses-sion 1987.98. These scholarshipswill be awarded to outstandin ggraduate students in any of th ethree Faculties—Arts and Science ,Agriculture and Applied Science .

014t4t4t#######4t4414141##40s4s# .0tH . Jessie How, B .A.

PUBLIC STENOGRAPHERPopular Library

*4451 W. 10th AVENU E

************************

ANNOUNCEMEN Tb y

CANADIAN RAILWAY Sof

SPECIAL EASTE RFARES

For STUDENTS and TEACHERSSingle Fan and One Quarte r

FOR ROUND TRI PFirst Class and Coach Fares .

Minimum fare 25c .Coach Class tickets good in touris tsleepers, where operated, on paymen tof berth charge ,

TICKETS ON SAL EMAR . 31 to APRIL 19

Good returning leave destination up t oand including APRIL 26

Certificate entitling you to thes efares may be obtained from th eprincipal or Registrar .

For further information, as kRailway Ticket Agent .

VANCOUVE RMOTORS LTD .

The Ford Corner

901 SEYMOUR

SEV. 7700

„'eP!V„aq ijgego.d II!M ep!t{M 'uo! ;onp-odd 6E61 ay.l ul oueddos peal se,tiapos leo!snW ay ; Aq papa l-as 'InoyideMs sApejo—SONIS

ARRESTED—For grand larceny ,Morris Belkin, who has been ac -cused of absconding with $369of Parliamentary Forum funds .The money was allegdly take nby Belkin over the course of th e

past three years .

— TYPINGTHESES, ESSAYS, AT FIVE CENTSPER PAGE. ESTHER SISSON, 9A.M.-6 P .M. SEY. 972 . AFTE R6 P .M . FAIR . 4855-R .

Totem Orders Stil lCan Be Made—Hurry!

We have received notice fromStudents' Council that them wil lbe an annual A.M.S. meeting (To-tem $2.60) In the auditorium Wed-nesday at 12.16.

Do come.Numerous Important things

will likely be discussed n nd youREALLY should be then.

Olaf: "Do you know what malt -Ede told me last night? "

Gus : "No . "Olaf: "Aw, heck, she told you . "

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Gosh This Is Snazzy Spot For Streamer - " HELLO! "ARE WE NUTS? ?

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IN ONLY A MONTH

SCOO P

NOV SCHMOZ KA POP I S

ALL WE LIKE SHEE P

Four

THE UBYSSEY

Frida March 25, 1938

W00-PITCHING NOW A SUPER"MAJOR SPOR TCoin Tossing Relegated

Up With Crap ShootingHave You Ever Seen a Burlesquy, Or Have Yo uEver . . . Well Have You? Here's Your Chance ,Men.

CAMPUS SOCCERMEN MEETLODGE IN C R U C IA TILL T

By O. M. I . BEER(SPECIAL TO UBYSSEY—B .U.R.P.)

Announcing the biggest Athletic shakeup In years onthe campus, President Vyali Line told ye faithful scribe i nan exclusive interview that the status of sports is being en-tirely revised by a hand-picked council of Caf hounds an dforemost among the new changes comes the long-awaitednews . that Woo-pitching is henceforth to be in its rightful.position of a Super-Major Sport .

All first team members of this thrilling, pastime(1) willbe rewarded well with blubber diapers and a free ticket to aBurlesquey .

Sport Snapsby

FRANK TURNE R

Before swinging out In a MO"rhythm of keys, we're going tog ive our faithful readers, nownearing the bog-eyed stage, abreak, and firmly, emphatically .Inform you that this oolumnleti eeffort Is definitely not the hoku myou'll find In abundance else-where—'tis the truth '

And before we cease this Idl e*looking, we "just gotta" say ourlast pleas on campus sport .

• r eBOUQUET TO "PRINO"

Starting out in the approved rid-dle manner, our first is a basketbal lstar, and one of the finest fellowsever to walk the campus byways.You guessed it—Georg* Pringle . Asyou've probably beard, good-nature d"Joe" is going the way of all grad-uates this year, and will not beback to swish 'em for Alma Maternext season. After five phenomena lyears of Senior A hooping, duringwhich time "Prins" has won hisway into the hearts of team-mates ,professors and students by his un-canny ability of the maple court ,and more especially by his gran dpersonality, the idol of the studen tbody enters the life of the "wideopen spaces." 'And we're joinin gthe chorus In wishing good luck toGeorge—a fine sportsman, and atrue gentleman .,VAN VLIET

As our second parting shot, w ewent to chuck a well-earned bou-quet to the Men's Athletic Associa-tion, and Maury Van Vliet, espec-ially the latter, for the step for-ward in creating a Men's AthleticCouncil on the campus to guide al lmale sport matters. Van Vliet, agoing concern since his appoint-ment as Athletic Director threeyears ago, is mainly responsibl efor this much-needed advancement ,and he deserves more than theslipshod praise he's been getting .FAIR PLAY—OR FOUL ?

As an example of the fallacy I nthe present system, we'd like tocite the present Awards commit-tee, composed of team captain*and the president of M .A .A., andwith no coaches on It . A spool•flo ease Is given here to Illustrat evividly the Inadequacy, the Ineffi•olenoy, or maybe just the plai n"politics" of such a committee .If rumor Is true, Norm Stewart,Tommy Robson, and Rani! Matt uwere left off the lit of those elig-ible for awards, despite the fac te veryone of the trio had playe dthe required number of games.And Dame Rumor also hat It thatthe reason given was that "theywould appreciate It more whe nthey won It next year." Now Iask you, is that cricket, a ' right-

eous decision one way or the othe rshould be handed down. At leastthat's what we were taught a sfair play .

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And so we say au revolr, pleas -ant dreams, as we lay down th egauntlet, but will we watch th eIncoming Pilgrim, Hugh Shirreff,and his progress next year? Be-Ileve me I'll say !

MEMI IBBIBBIMIMMIUMMIMI IMMIM RBBRB6111B R

A MAN IS AS

SMARTAS HIS . . .

SHOESFine leathers, authentic styling,,and skilled craftmanship are thefeatures of

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MMNIBgiIRIIlIIIIIIIIBI1BIIlIIIIBIMMItIIIBIIMII

THE PANTY-WAST ETEARER

My oh my oh my "Lewk" vot i s"Lehring" at you from out of desput page .

Peoples say dotpeoples is de crazziest people sin these worlds but by gool yhoots on Gimmel vot is it whatcalls itself an athloutique . Per-haps mebbee it is leading lightin new major sput, coin tossing,who could tell and who cares .Mebbee ve air joost noots o rmebbe you air because you ai r

reeding these nonsense .What ever WILL become of th e

Dragon Lady ,anyhow?

Meet Vancouve rdOd V)i

ZOWHOS AONSaturday's race will mark finis h

to the university club's competitionfor this season and the secondsgive every indication of ending i twith another success .

Men who will be out to drive th eThunderbird entry across the lin efirst are : Hugh Lytleton (Cox) ;Doug Patrick (Stroke) ; Dennet tBryson (7) ; C. Bennett (0) ; Lloy dWilson (5) ; Jack McIntosh (4) ;Bob McIntyre (3) ; George Wals h(2 and crew-captain) ; Frank Crof-ton (Bow) .

NOV SCHMOZKA PO P

MONTREAL, March 24 (SLUP,BUP and CUP)—Canadian Amateu rBasketball for 1938-39 and follow-ing seasons has undergone severalradical changes in rules, the mos timportant of which are the elimin-ation of centre tip-offs, passing ,shooting, and players . Fouls arealso to go by the board .

Contests In the future will b econfined entirely to team coach -es, whose activity will consis tsolely of creating tactical man -oeuvres to be executed by th eusual dummy players on a smal lboard, thus obviating the neces-sity for strenuous training, or fo rrent, light and heat In gymnasi-ums across the length of Canada .

CHINNY TIPPY CHINLeading with his chin as usual ,

Vyall also stated that a newgroup of major sports come tothe front. Coin-teasing, rolling-the-bones, the bruising, battering,bumping, bashing, beootlful gameof knitting, hop•sootoh and lastand of course least, Chess, all arenow In the upper bracket of th esports on the campus and all th eleaders In these will be awarde dwith a Letter, postage oelleot.

SOCCER IS SO A PU NSetting up a new category for al l

the useless games of the students,Line whispered slyly that Football,Soccer (no pun), Ruggah and Bas -ketball will now be known as Neg-ligible Sports and all those not play -ing for these teams will be awarde dwith three units of credit in Bab yBouncing 1 and/or Hitch-Hiking 8 .

Badminton gets the bird and I snot even mentioned, while Row-ing with lots of pull, slips Intothe special bracket known a sMinus Sport . Ice hockey Is moreslippery and Is classified as stic-ky, along with Its cousin, gras shockey, to be played with or with -out mules.

ARK YOU NUTS? ?Awards in all these sports are to

be a big block as before was no tgiven to any but the most inelig-ible, the only consideration in thefuture will be the Imbecility an dinefficiency . It Is rumorer thatmembers of the Students' Counci lwill all be granted five Blockseach. These will be merely a letter"D" on a sky-blue-pink background ,and any wearer of the "D" will b eforbidden to engage in any sportunless they can produce proof posi-tive that they have nothing betterto do .

THE LITTER'PAGEDown by the gy mWhen the evening hush has fel lThe schoolboy's calls rise softl y"Missed again, oh Hell !

O RO'er by the stadium's velvet swar dWith seconds for a win or lossThe voice of a player sounds

sweetly"I ' ll bet you a dime on this toss ."

NOV SCHMOZKA PO P

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POM EOh to be in England ,Nov Schinoz Ka Pop ,How I'd love to be in England,Nov Schmoz Ka Pop ,And when I am in England ,Nov Schmoz Ka Pop,I know I'll be in England ,Nov Schmoz Ka Pop.Ed.'s Note : We hope this draws n o

"Ira" down on our heads .

NOTICESThe events are as tolows : men's

singles, handicap and open ; wo-men's singles, open and handicap ;men's doubles, open and handicap ;women's doubles, open and hand! .cap; mixed doubles, open and han-dicap.

Entries are 26o per, payable a tthe tourney,

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LEAD OF STORY BY US :The University of British Colum-

bia Basketball Team last night wona basketball game with a score of87.22. . .

Voice of Sports Editor: Oh,migawdl You can't say it likethat !

Us: Why not? That's whathappened .

Ed : It ain't got punch, that'swhy! Here . Write it like this . "U .B . C. melon-tossers cycloned theirway to a whirlwind 37-22 finish

NOV SCHMOZover a weary an doutclassed West -ern team, with Ran Ratthiso nsparking the final burst that sent

KA PO Pthe boys over the top in one of th efestest games the pop-eyed fan sever went crazy over . . . . "

Us: But that isn't good English.And besides, you used a preposi-tion to end a sentence. What doesit mean ?

Ed : It means tha the U .B.C. ca-saba heavers flashed to a 87.22win, outeped the careful stonewal-ling of the other team, and ralliedin a last quarter spurt, leaving th efans googly-eyed .

Us: Oh, very well .Ed. Note—"Us" is a Genera l

Staff punk.

NOTICE !FIRST YEAR STUDENT SUSE SHURPASS NOTES

"Shuman Students Excel "DICK BLDG. Broadway 6' Granviille

SK I

AT BAKE R

EVERY SUNDAY

Return Fare includingDinner at Lodge,

$2.25

Information

. . .

Seymour 897

COLLEGIATE BARN DANC EFriday, March 25th, 9 till 1 . Ad. 50c

CASH PRIZES FOR COSTUME SADDED ATTRACTIO N

4 HOT SHOTSWorld's Greatest nonce Entertainers, now ontheir way to Hollywood, to be featured I nRudy Vallee's new picture, "Gold Diggers o fPane," recently featured in "Vogues of 1988 . "

i fef4ti*lt

The Parliamentary Forum wil lhold 'its annual elections in Arts100 at noon today . All student swho have been associated with th eForum are urged to turn out an dvote .

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BAtHA,LBU MVWdVH O

The executive which will be elect-ed today will have a very intensiveprogram to carry out next term .Arrangements are already com-pleted for the formation of a city-wide debating league to includeprominent downtown organizations .A change of constitution to restric tmembership In also being instituted .

NOV SCHMOZ

KA POP

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