Narrative Slides - 2018.sofn6.org · Narrative Slides Its interesting. Right now while Im talking to you, you are talking to yourself about three times faster. When youre alone, that

Steven Campbell www.stevenrcampbell.com 707-480-5007 2015 @ Steven Campbell

How We Think and Feel

Presentation by Steven Campbell

707-480-5007 – [email protected]

www.stevenrcampbell.com

Narrative Slides

It’s interesting. Right now while I’m talking to you, you are talking to yourself about three times faster. When you’re alone, that goes up to six times faster. But what is even more interesting is that while you are talking to yourself, YOUR BRAIN IS BELIEVING EVERYTHING YOU TELL IT…WITHOUT QUESTION. No arguments! So when you say to yourself, “This is just too hard for me!” your brain says, “OK!” and then actually makes it hard. That’s the scary part. But here’s the wonderful part. When you say “This is so easy!” your brain simply says, “OK” and then actually makes it easy. Now…is what you are saying true? You know what? Your brain doesn’t even care!

How do we know that? Well, one of the best books that addresses that is Phantoms in the Brain by Dr. V.S. Ramachandron from UCSD. “Phantoms” refer to phantom limbs that have been amputated.

So when a patient walks into a doctor’s office and says that his arm is itching and driving him crazy, the doctor may have to say, “Well, I wish I could help you, but I amputated that arm six months ago.” “I don’t care!” responds the patient. “You didn’t tell my brain that!”

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Now…let’s take this a step deeper! Everything that you can do…is based on what you say to yourself…about yourself…TODAY When this came out in 1965 in a little book titled, “A Guide to Rational Living” written by Dr. Albert Ellis out of Columbia University, it turned psychology on its ear.

“No…No! You’re Wrong! The way we are today is due to our childhood and “unresolved childhood conflicts!” (That was Freudianism.) That was followed by ‘behaviorism” and Dr. B.F. Skinner from Harvard University. “No No! The way we are today is based on “Cause and Effect!”. That was followed by “It’s all in your genes.” That was followed by “environmentalism.” “No! No! The way you are today is because of your environment: your birth order, your culture, your family, etc.

Then Dr. Albert Ellis said, “You’re ALL correct!” Wait a minute!! How could they ALL be correct?



Because when you say it, your brain believes it!

For instance, for the first 42 years of my life, I said to myself that I was ‘stupid in math!” and guess what? I was stupid in math! But then when I was 42, I changed that message. And do you know what my brain said? “OK!” Was it true? “My brain said, “Don’t care!” (In my case, it turned out to be VERY true.)

And I ended up writing two college textbooks that contained a lot of…what do you think…MATH! What happened? Did I suddenly become smart in math? No! It turns out that I had ALWAYS been smart in math. But I kept saying I wasn’t. But at 42 I changed that message. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE….UNLESS YOU SAY IT IS!

Now…if everything you can do is based on what you are saying to yourself…about yourself…today… Guess what! You can change what you are saying to yourself…about yourself….when?



Right now!

And your brain says, “OK!” It is true? DON’T CARE! All I care about is what you tell me. You say it…I believe it! WOW!!!!

Now….before we talk about what we can do with this information, let’s first look at how much your human brain can still learn and grow and change. We’ll use our daughter, Sarah as an example. This is her brain (without the labels).

And this is her brain when she was 2 years old in terms of what she knew about a “city.” Absolutely nothing. (She was raised in Rohnert Park and the closest thing to a city in Rohnert Park is the Raiey’s Shopping Center.) So she started with a blank slate. To teach her about a ‘city,’ I sit down with Sarah and read her a book about a city. When I do, her brain records this reading (because it records everything) as a cluster of neurons, (i.e., a neural cluster). If I read her another book, her brain records that too.

However, in addition to the book, Mary and I introduce her to some city people. We also take her to various city buildings, drive around city streets, take her to parks, show her lights, and drive in among the cars. When she goes to sleep that night, her brain



goes to work. It looks for similarities and creates connections between all the neural clusters. Over time, it develops a ‘pattern’ of a city. So from now on, Sarah will ALWAYS understand what a city is. It is now a part of her long term memory. And how many patterns can Sarah’s brain hold? 100,000,000,000 to the power of 10,000. To write that out in long hand, that is a “1” followed by 6.5 million miles of zeroes.

But to make this real to you, let’s read this together. You CAN read it because your brain has created a pattern for every word you know. (There are also five misspelled misspelled words in the paragraph? Two of them are on the bottom line, Can you find them?)

So…. The primary element….that holds us back…from learning and growing and changing…

Is what we say to ourselves!



Now…even though this is true, your brain takes shortcuts. What does this slide say? (It does NOT say “A bird in the bush.” And yet your brain recorded this as if it DID read “A Bird in the Bush.” WRONG! In fact, your brain is wrong a lot….EXPECIALLY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF. “Oh. I’m so stupid for doing this!” When you say that, what does your brain say?’ Oh…OK.” And when you keep saying “I’m so stupid” my dear friends, YOUR BRAIN’S JOB IS TO MAKE YOU STUPID!



The Story of Cliff Young In 1983 when Cliff was 61 years of age, he entered a Marathon Run that went from Sydney, Australia to Melbourne, a distance of some 875 kilometers. 150 world-class athletes showed up, and they were the “best in the world.” That is why it was surprising to see this character named Cliff Young appear on the day of the race, especially because he was wearing overalls and galoshes over his work boots (called “muck boots). His only trainer was his 81 year old mother. Naturally, reporters crowded around to interview this 61 year old potato farmer with no teeth. When they asked why he was there, he answered by saying “See, I grew up on a farm where we couldn’t afford horses, and the whole time I was growing up– until about four years ago, whenever the storms would roll in, I’d have to go out and round up the sheep. We had 2,000 head, and we have 2,000 acres. Sometimes I would have to run those sheep for two or three days. It took a long time, but I’d catch them. I believe I can run this race; it’s only two more days. Five days. I’ve run sheep for three.” Well….the race began, and you can guess. Not only did Cliff Young win the race, but he beat the rest by a day and a half! How? Well…if you are world-class runner, you know the “truth.” And the truth is that you run for 18 hours and sleep six. But Cliff did not know the “truth.” He did not know that you were supposed to…….sleep. So while the rest of the runners were sleeping, he just kept running. We behave and act not according to the truth, but the truth as we believe it to be.

Here is a second principle that is JUST as important as the first (which is that “The brain believes what you tell it.”) This second principle is that your brain locks onto what YOU deem as important.



Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bicycle without the training wheels? Your father, mother, brother or sister ran alongside while your hands desperately clung to the steering handles, the bike wobbling every which way. When they finally felt you were ready to ride without your help, they pointed out a rock in the middle of the dirt road 50 feet ahead, and warned you, “Now don’t run into that rock!” They gave you a little shave and off you went. And to keep yourself from running into that rock, you kept your eyes fastened to it. You know what happened! BAM! Right into the rock! THAT’S THE WAY YOUR BRAIN WORKS. (By the way, that is the reason that worrying is simply nothing but negative goal setting!)

Susie came to my office after the first day of my math class at USF to inform me that she was a “C student in math.” “What do you mean?” I asked? “I’ve never gotten above a C in math, so I’m a C student in math. So when she received an A on the first examination, she declared to me, “This is a mistake!” “I have never gotten an A on a math test, so this has to be a mistake.” When I told her that this was a genuine “A,” a big smile came to her face and she exclaimed. “Do you know what this means? This means that when I flunk the next test, I can still maintain my C!” “Susie,” I pleaded! “Just get an A on every test!” “Oh I can’t” she said. “Why!!!?” “Because I’m a C student.” And sure enough, she flunked the next test and got a C in the course. So I sat down with her and asked her what she would have done if she had gotten an F on this first test. “Oh” she said immediately, “I’d have to get an A on the next test to maintain my C.” “Susie,” I pleaded again, “just get an A on every test!” “Oh I can’t! I’m a C student!”



My wife was an elementary school principal for 25 years, and she learned that when they must deal with extremely troubled students, you cannot complement them when their behavior significantly approves. The reason? They usually return to the old behavior. Their mind is simply making sure that their behavior lines up with their disruptive self-image. Can you see how much we limit ourselves!

But there’s another whole element that we should talk about…and that is how we feel. For We are not thinking people who feel, we are feeling people who think! Now it turns out…that our feelings do not come from what happens to us, they come our beliefs about what happens to us! Let me illustrate

Let’s imagine that I show up on a Saturday morning at “Tom” house with a shovel. Tom and I have been friends to many years. “Hi Tim,’ I say, “I would like to dig a hole in your backyard.” Tom thinks this is a strange request, but he says, “OK” and accompanies me to his backyard where I start digging. As he watches me, he begins developing some beliefs. “Let’s see. Steve and I have been friends for years. I knows that today is my birthday, and he knows I loves trees. So I bet his digging a hole in by backyard to plant a tree for my birthday. That Steve! What a neat guy! I’ll go order a pizza for us!” And some very warm feelings develop. But here’s another scenario. We hate each other, and I show up at Tom’s house with a shovel. “Hi Tom, I’m going to dig a hole in your backyard,” and I immediately go to Tom’s backyard to start digging. This time Tom’s beliefs are completely different! This time he believes I’m going to bury him in the hole! Now…watch this! Same Tom, same Steve, same shovel, same whole, same Saturday morning, same backyard….completely different beliefs…COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FEELINGS. In other words, our FEELINGS FOLLOW OUR BELIEFS!



This is how psychologists express it. “Activating events (A)” do not lead to “Consequential emotions (C).” There is a “B” in the middle, and the “B” stands for “Beliefs!

When Mary used to say to me, “I feel so unattractive” because I’m heavier,” I would say, “Who said?!” She would then respond, “Well, look at these pictures of me before we had our children. I was so think and pretty!”

You see, we think that events such as being heavier explain how we feel. Rather…

It is our beliefs about being heavier that explain how we feel. And guess what…we can CHANGE THOSE BELIEFS…AND OUR FEELINGS FOLLOW. WOW!!!

When I wrote my book, the original title was “Making Your Mind Your Mentor” but my publisher changed it. I like my title better. Do you know what a mentor is? A mentor is someone who sees more in you then you see in yourself. AND THAT IS WHAT YOUR MIND CAN BECOME! YOUR OWN PERSONAL MENTOR…YOUR VERY BEST FRIEND!



Now...if I stopped here, you would probably say that this is really great stuff. You would then forget about 80% by tomorrow, and 95% by next week. The reason is that It has been recorded on the left side of your brain where all the information is stored and often never used. But the right side contains the real YOU…your feelings, your passions, your intuition, your creativity, your desire to grow…the part that people see when they look into your eyes. So we’ll spend our last few minutes together taking what I have shared, tweak it a bit, and then place it in the RIGHT side of your brain where you can immediately take it to your classrooms, or to your homes, and begin using it. To do that, I’m going to give you “Two New Ways of Thinking.”



The first comes from a study out of Stanford University in the early 70’s, where they discovered that MOST of us….pass over our successes…too quickly and too lightly…for them to EVER become part of our self-image. So when someone says to us, “Good job!” our response is usually…”Thanks…but it could have been better.” or “Not really!” or “That’s just embarrassing.” or “That’s too egotistical! Or…”No, no, no! Not really! Well when we say “No, no, no, not really!,” what does your brain say? “Ok!” and then makes sure that most compliments we are paid never become a part of how we see ourselves. How sad!

So here is your first “New Way of Thinking!” When someone looks at you and says, “Good job!” or “You look so nice today!” respond by exclaiming, “Thanks. I KNOW!!!” Can you hear the laughter around the room? I said the same to a group of 300 physicians two years ago when I was asked to give my all-day seminar to the Kaiser Permanente Group in Orange County down in Huntington Beach, and they nervously laughed the same way. But they loved me so much that on the way back to LAX, when I had stopped for gas, I looked at myself in the passenger mirror and said, “Steve…you are an AMAZING teacher” And my brain not only agreed, it also said , “And….you could be even better.” For it opened the gate for growth. Now…if I had said, “Well…you messed up here and you messed up there,” what would have happened to the gate? It would have slammed shut! And no growth could have taken place.



So I’ll make in manageable to you. When someone says, “Good job!” rather than saying, “Thanks, I know!” simply respond with, “Thanks. That makes me feel really good!” And then when you get home, WALLOW IN YOUR SUCCESS LIKE A PIG IN SLOP!

And finally…throw away “The List.” What’s “The List? “ It is when you make those big bonehead mistakes and you say to yourself, “How could I have been so stupid!” Your brain then responds, “I KNOW!!! DO YOU REMEMBER THAT STUPID THING YOU DID YESTERDAY, AND THE DAY BEFORE, AND A MONTH BEFORE, AND TEN YEARS BEFORE!?? AND DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE THE SLOWEST READER IN THE THIRD GRADE!” And we pull out this mental list of all the dumb things we’ve done. BUT REMEMBER THIS! As you review The List, remembering your mistakes, your brain does not know that those memories happened a day ago, a week ago, or a year ago. It is recording them AGAIN…but this time as if they happened WHEN? RIGHT NOW! AND THEN YOU ARE CARRYING THAT STUFF AROUND WITH YOU ALL DAY LONG!

But here is some wonderful news!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE…STARTING WHEN?

RIGHT NOW!



So what do you say instead? “The Next Time! The next time I’ll do it this way. The next time I’ll do it that way.” And when you say “The Next Time” you are saying three things. 1.) There IS a next time. How many next times do we get? As many as we want! 2.) When you say The Next Time you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. When Thomas Edison was asked how it felt to fail 999 times looking for the filament of a light bulb, he said “I did NOT fail 999 times! I simply found 999 ways that didn’t work!” 3.) Finally, when you say The Next Time, you are saying, “I will NEVER…EVER…give Up. Ever!” And when you say this, what does your brain say? “Oh. OK!” Is it true? “DON’T CARE! All I care about is what YOU….tell me!”

And all of this is a process! Neither Mary nor I will ever forget when Abbey took her first step. She turned to us, with such a look of joy and anticipation in her eyes, took her first step, and fell flat on her face. She then looked up at us, with little tears in her eyes, and said, “Well dad…mom...I guess I was never meant for walking!” Did she say that? Of COURSE she didn’t! She got up...took two steps…and then she fell! Three steps and then she fell! Four steps and then she fell. She’s 39 years old! Is she still falling? YES! Because FALLING IS A PART OF WALKING!



One morning when I was waiting to get on the freeway to go to work, a kid in a brand new, very hot, SUV drove next to me. When he looked down at me and I looked up at him, I knew what he was going to do. Sure enough…as soon the light changed, he went peeling out in front of me…showing me the power of his SUV. And then he raced up the freeway showing everyone else the power of his SUV. And as I watched this whole scenario, I had an epiphany. How many cars are already in front of HIM? Thousands! And how many cars are behind him? Thousands! So maybe it’s not a matter of “How fast you get there.” Maybe it’s a matter of GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. And...sometimes you run out of gas…and sometimes you get a flat tire…and sometimes you even lose you way. But you know…you can BUY some more gas! You can replace the tire. You can get a map!

And the whole time, do you know what your brain is saying? “Oh…OK!” Is it true? “DON’T CARE!” “ALL I CARE ABOUT IS WHAT YOU…TELL ME! YOU SAY IT, I BELIEVE IT. AND THEN WHEN YOU LOCK ONTO IT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT’ I’LL DO? I’LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN…TO MAKE IT TRUE…IN YOUR LIFE!

WOW!



I am concluding my message by sharing what I think are the three most exciting psychological breakthroughs in the history of psychology. 1.) Your brain believes what you tell it. When you say, “I cannot do this!” your brain believes you and then makes sure you cant! HOWEVER, when you say I CAN do this, your brain believes you just as quickly, and then does everything it can to make sure you do. 2.) Your feelings follow your beliefs. Another way to say this is that your feelings don’t come ‘willy nilly’ from somewhere out in the ozone…they are coming from your beliefs. More specifically, they are coming from what you are saying to yourself about yourself…and your life. 3.) You can change the way you think. THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING ONE. You are only a victim of your circumstances if you say you are! However, you can change that thinking…right now. And your brain will say, “Ok!” It what you are saying true? “Don’t care! All I care about is what YOU….TELL ME! WOW!



A Partial Bibliography - In order of Importance 1) A Guide to Rational Living, Albert Ellis, Ph.D. and Robert A. Harper, PhD.

Sets the standard for cognitive psychology; not only do our brains believe what we tell them but that our feelings come from those beliefs

2) Phantoms in the Brain, V.S. Ramachandran, M.D., Ph.D.

Our brains believe what we tell them, whether what we tell them is true or not.

3) Learned Optimism, Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.

How we can change our mind-set to an optimistic one. 4) The Brain that Changes Itself, Norman Doidge, M.D.

Our minds are continually rewiring themselves as we learn and grow 5) Get Out of Your Own Way, Robert Cooper, Ph.D.

Why do we shoot ourselves in the foot? 6) Welcome to Your Brain, Sandra Aamodt, PhD. And Sam Wang, Ph.D.

Why you lose your car keys but never forget how to drive, and other puzzles 7) What To Say When You Talk To Yourself, Shad Helmstetter, PhD,

More than 50% of our self-talk is negative, or working against us. Shad Helmstetter shows the reader how to erase and replace past mental programs with healthy, new programs that can be positively life-changing.

8) Self-Talk, Key to Personal Growth, David Stoop, Ph.D. 9) Brain Rules, John Medina 10) My Stoke of Insight, Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. 11) Brain Sex, Anne Moir, PhD, and David Jessel 12) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey


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Narrative Slides - 2018.sofn6.org · Narrative Slides Its interesting. Right now while Im talking to you, you are talking to yourself about three times faster. When youre alone, that