My Code for Lifeby Twinkle Mistry

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TIME SUBMITTED 11-FEB-2015 12:43PM

SUBMISSION ID 504300178

WORD COUNT 1515

CHARACTER COUNT 6869

WRITING_10_ESSAY_1_SPRING_2015.DOCX (31.52K)

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FINAL GRADE

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My Code for LifeGRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

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Comment 1no need f or capital here, though it 's a bit of a grey area

Comment 2not quite sure what it means to construct a computer f rom scratch... explain?

ReviseCould use a bit of revision....

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Comment 3sp

Comment 4no need to put this in quotes

Comment 5use a colon or an em-dash here

Em-DashI of ten use a double dash in moments like these-- it can solve a lot of problems. You must use adouble dash, not a single dash (which would be a hyphen). It 's called an "em-dash" as it is thewidth of the letter 'm'.

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/dashes.asp

Comment 6You could compress the opening a bit to make it more ef f icient at communicating your purpose.I like the use of stories, but could be streamlined

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Comment 7use semi-colons when making lists like this that have internal punctuation, such as:

Today I will go to Merced, Ca; San Francisco, CA; and Reno, NV.

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Comment 8you might do a litt le research into what it takes to get this internship or similar ones.

Comment 9you might do a litt le research into what it takes to get this internship or similar ones.

Comment 10you might consider UCM's PHone App Challenge

ReviseCould use a bit of revision....

Comment 11connect these two sentences

Comment 12YOu might consider adding some detail to this section, but you do a good job

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Comment 13you could look into internships at these companies as well

Consider Opportunities in EntrepreneurshipThe Entrepreneurial Society of UCM (TESUM) and/or the Business Society are great clubs tojoin. TESUM helps us organize the Entrepreneurial Seminar and Pitchf est, which you cancompete at in spring. It 's open to all students and it 's just about explaining an idea ef f ectively.Prizes available. There is also the Entrepreneur in Training program in the Leadership Seminar inthe f all, which of f ers a couple small scholarships. Management Dept has a coupleentrepreneurship f ocused courses, and the School of Engineering has several programs thatorganize hackathons and the Phone App Challenge. The capstone project f or engineering hasrelation to entrepreneurship. Lots of opportunit ies on campus, and much to consider of fcampus as well.

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Comment 14Give this another revision to f inalize the document, streamline the opening, and add a bit moreresearch/detail to the near term section. Good work on this overall, and should be an interesting

career!

RUBRIC: WRITING 10 GENERIC RUBRIC

CLARITY (20%)

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CLARITY: The paper addresses the prompt squarely. The writ ing is clear and detailed, allowing f or easyreading. Concepts are suf f iciently explained with detailed examples and illustrations to convey message.

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Organization: The paper achieves a logical, thoughtf ul, and easy-to-f ollow structure. There is a clearlyoutlined thematic thread/rhetorical schema progressing cohesively through the paper, utilizing ef f ectivetopic sentences and transit ions to improve organizational f low.

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Development: The body paragraphs provide: 1) adequate (quantity and quality) evidence; 2) thoroughdevelopment of key ideas; and 3) advancement of the argument. The writ ing has suf f icient detail to conveymeaningf ul development of the essay arguments.

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STYLE/FLOW: The author uses selection of words, construction of sentences, arrangement of ideas, andvaried usage of rhetorical strategies to create engaging writ ing that is appropriate f or the intendedaudience.

MECHANICS (20%)

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MECHANICS: The paper observes standard English conventions in spelling, grammar, punctuation, anddocumentation.