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M RS. SUL L I V A N’
S
SE A N CE
A O NE -A CT CO MEDY
LAURA FRA NCES KELLEY
AUTHOR OF
“M 7s. Sullivan
’
s Social Tea,! “Mrs. Sullivan in Politics,
“The Enchanted Garden,
!
etc.
CHICA GO
T. S . DENISON COMPANYPUBL ISHERS
6! b
ATRELR§~
MRS. SULL IV A N’
S SEA NCE
(A PLA Y FO R SI ! WO MEN )
CHA RA CTERS
MRS . MARY A N N SULLIVAN The Hostess
MAGGIE HOOLIGAN . .Her Cousin
MRS . BRIDGET SCANLANMRS. KATIE CL-ANCY
.Her N eighborsMRS . NELLIE MORIARITYMRS. L I ! ! IE RILEY
SCENE—Mrs. Sullivan’
s Parlor.
PLACE—A L arge City.
TIME—The Present.
TIME O F PLAYING—A bout thirty minutes.
COSTUME S .
MRS . SULLIVAN—House dress.
MAGGIE—O ld hood, long skirt and Shawl, all O f which
can be thrown off quickly, with neat street dress underneath.
GUESTS—A ny suitable a fternoon costumes.
COPYR IGHT,1 922. BY LA URA FRA N CE S K E LLE Y .
©01 13 605 8 5
nP323'
22
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 3
THE STORY O F THE PLA Y f
A fewladies are gathered in the parlor Of the Sull ivancottage to do their mending . The mending consists O f Mr.
Sullivan ’
s red undershirt,Danny Scan lan
’
s trousers,Mr.
Moriarity’
s socks, Mrs. Clancy ’s stockings and Mrs. Riley’slace.
The conversation turns to fortune telling . Mrs. Sull ivansuggests taking her cousin
,Magg ie Hooligan , to a seance.
O ne of the guests, asking where Magg ie has gon e, learnsshe is in town shopping . The ladies are -recounting theirex periences with fortune tellers
, and trying to decideWhether or not they will gO to one, when the door bell rin
’
gs.
Mrs. Sull ivan goes to the door. She tells the ladies a ,
poor o ld woman is without,who wants to tel l their fortunes. They ask her in . She plays upon .their credul ity,and embarrasses them by tell ing what each has said about
the other. She finally tells them the spirit of Magg ieHoo ligan is present, and intimates that Maggie has beenkilled while crossing the street.
Mrs. Sull ivan goes into hysterics. The ladies are Sympathetic, Mrs. Scan lan being the on ly onewho keep-s coo-l .
She suggests that, i f Magg ie is real ly there in spirit,the
medium will dance while she sings The Wearin’
o’
the
Green .
!
Mrs. Scanlan hums the tune, pretending to play the viol in .
The medium starts to dance. Her disguise falls, revealingthe real Magg ie Hoo l igan .
The ladies demand their mon ey back. Magg ie laughing lyrefuses to refund the money, and is begg ing them not to be
angry, as the curtain falls.
STA GE DIRECTIONS .
Up stage means away from footl ights down stage, near
footl ights. In the use of right and left, the actor is sup
posed to be facing the audience.
MRS. SULL IV A N’
S SEA NCE
SCENE . The parlor of the Sullivan home. There is a
door right, supposed to lead outside, and another door left,supposed to lead to the kitchen . Six chairs
,including two
rockers, are required. A table,with customary cover
,books
,
etc., aswell as mending baskets and sewing bags, is downstage, left of cen ter. Glaring rugs are on the ! oor, cheapbric-a—brac is scattered here and there, and some cheap pictures adorn thewal lsA s the curtain rises
,MRS. SULLIVAN and her four neigh
bors,MRS. SCANLAN,
MRS. CLANCY,MRS . MORIARITY and
MRS. RILEY, are seated around the room,busywith their
mending .
SULLIVAN (holding up a large red undershirt) .G irls, do you think it’s worth mending !MRS. SCANLAN (g lancing up from herwork) . A nything
that isn ’
t all ho les is worth mending ;and anything that isall holes Isn
’
t anything .
MRS . MORIARITY (waving a sockwhich she is knitting ) .Lands
,Bridget, talk rational . This isn ’
t a con ference of
col lege pro fessors.MRS. RILEY (holding up some lacewhich she is crochet
ing ) . Well, I’m sure I know something, _
ifwe aren’
t c_
0-1
lege pro fessors. I’
d l ike to see any co llege pro fessor thatcould make lace l ike this.
MRS . MORIARITY. You’
re right, L izzie R iley ! Not one
would be guilty of it.
MRS . SCANLAN . Go’long with yourselves, g irls. This is
a gathering of pro fessors—pro fessors of econ O -mics._
MRS. MORIARITY. O h,Mrs. Sull ivan ,
please get the dictionary. Sure, I
’
d l ike to know what she means .
MRS . CLANCY (holding up two stockings, towhich she is
sewing newfeet) . A in ’
t . it the l imit ! These feet,,dO -n
’
t
match. One’
s too long for one stocking, and too short for
4
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 5
the other. Haughtily.) I need no dictionary.. The doctor
is my dictionary. He went to col lege.
MRS. SULLIVAN . Did Dr. Clancy learn all the words inthe dictionary !MRS. CLANCY. I should say he did, and some that aren
’
t
In It.
MRS. MORIARITY. True for you, Mrs. Dr. Clancy. The
doctorwas in the store yesterday. He and Moriarity werediscussing po l itics, congress and the presidential pol icy. The
doctorwas that mad. Sure, some of the words he used
couldn ’
t be found In any dictiownaryMRS. CLANCY (with pride) . He is smart and has ex cel
lent judgment. Why, he can tell what’s going to happenfrom what’s happen ing now.MRS . SULLIVAN . Sure, Dr. Clancy must be as good as a
fortune teller.
MRS. RILEY. Did any O f yez ever go to a fortune tel ler !MRS. SULLIVAN ( .impressively) There IS something queer
about fortune telling . I went to a medium once, and I’m
sure she described M ichael . Itwas too much for me.
MRS . MORIARITY. Well,i f I had gone to one and she
had described Moriarity, it would have been enough for me
and too .much for her, I’m tell ing yez .
MRS . SULLIVAN . Thenwhy did you marry him, Mrs.
Moriarity !MRS . MORIARITY. I don
’
t know to this day ; honest, Idon
’
t. I guess itwas because he belonged to the band
and wore a un i form.
MRS . SCANLAN (holding up a pair of small boy’
s trou
sers) . Lands, more patches. Danny wears out his clothesterrible.MRS . SULLIVAN . Did you ever have your fortune told,
Bridget !MRS. SCANLAN . Sure
,I think the most O f it has been
told already .
MRS. MORIARITY . She means by a honest-to-
goodness
fortune teller, Mrs. Scan lan .
MRS. SCANLAN . Indeed, I -did that. I paid a dollar onct.
6 .MRS.. SULLIVA N’
S SEA NCE
MRS . CLANCY. Did she tell you anyth ing to make you
think of it a fterwards !MRS . SCANLAN. Sure, I O ften thought I wished I
'
had
my dol lar back.
MRS. SULLIVAN (eagerly) . Bridget, dear, what did she
se
SCANLAN . She told me Iwas to marry a tall ,willowy blond, with lots of bushy hair
“
(gestures) standingup round his head. A nd yez all know, g irls, Scan lan is
Short and fat, with a head l ike a peeled potato.
MRS. RILEY. O h,I bel ieve in them. O ne told me “
Iwasto marry a handsome man .
MRS. MORIARITY (getting up and facing MRS . RILEY ) .My lands ! Do you think you did ! (Takes. seat.)MRS. RILEY. R iley is the handsomest man on the avena,
i f it isn ’
t saying much for his beauty, I’
d l ike yez to know,
Mrs. Moriarity !MRS. MORIARITY. I
’
d l ike you to know, Mrs. Riley,thatMoriarity is the prettiest man
‘
in America, in looks as wellas character.
MRS . CLANCY. Barrin ’
the doctor, maybe.
MRS . SULLIVAN . A nd. M ichael .MRS . SCANLAN . GO
’long with yourselves, g irls. Sure,we all have handsome husbands; The movies are crazy to
get them. They have a smile l ike a hero when they comehome tired and supper isn
’
t on the table.
MRS . SULLIVAN (clasping her hands) . G irls ! I have an
idee.
MRS . MORIARITY .. Hivens Mrs. Sull ivan ,what is it !
MRS . SULLIVAN . Wouldn t it be romantic to enterta inMagg ie Hoo l igan by taking her to a seance !
MRS . RILEY (sighing ) . My, I love romance. I read a
great deal O f it.MRS . MORIARITY. I guess that is the. on lyway any one
of us will ever get much romance, is to read O f it.
MRS . CLANCY (holding up one armwith a stocking on
it) . I , guess none of .you ladies read any-more than -I do .
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 7
MRS. SULLIVAN . What are your favorite books, Mrs.
Dr. Clancy !
M'
RS. CLANCY . My, that forgetful, I can’
t rememberthe names;
‘
they’re so hard to pronounce. Besides, I rarelyspeak French to peoplewho don ’
t understand it.
MRS. SULLIVAN . I am so fond of the Dukess. (Rises,clasping her hands.) I love to read romance and imag ineI
_
—I am the hero ine ! (Sits down,picks up shirt from the
floor and shakes it out.)MRS. CLANCY.
'
Great hivens !MRS . MORIARITY . Y ou look l ike a heroine, Mary A nn .
A ndwho could imag ine a hero .wearing‘
a red shirt !MRS . SCANLAN (rocking ) . Ladies, do yez care to hear
about my romance !
MRS. MORIARI TY . Sure,Mrs. Scan lan . But“ I can
’
t promise to pay much attention when I ’m turn ing a heel .MRS . SULLIVAN . I
’
d love to hear it, Bridget.MRS . SCANLAN . Well
,I first met Scan lan at Dooligan
’
s
ball .!
MRS . SULLIVAN . Was it love at first sight, Bridget ! Itwas with me and Michael .MRS. MORIARITY. Sure, I loved Moriarity at first sight.
But if I’
d on ly got me second sight.MRS . SCANLAN . Well
,as Iwas saying ,
I met him .at
Dooligan’
s ball.MRS . SULLIVAN . Just a minute, Bridget. I heard .azno ise
in the kitchen . Maybe it is Magg ie. (E x its, left.)MRS . MORIARITY . Where is Magg ie !MRS . CLANCY . She went to town with Kitty O
’
Dowd tobuy a bandeau.
MRS. MORIARITY. For the love of goodness,what is a
bandeau !
MRS . CLANCY . Bandeau is a French word,mean ingwedding clothes. Didn ’
t you know that !
MRS. MORIARITY. Sure, I knew it all along . I on lywanted to see i f you Speak the same kind O f .Frerich that
I do.
8 MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE
MRS . SULLIVAN enters from the left.
MRS . SULLIVAN . Therewas no one in the kitchen . (Sits.)MRS. RILEY. I s Kitty O ’
Dowd engaged, Mrs. Sul l ivan !MRS . SULLIVAN . N O
,but she belongs to the league O f
preparedness.MRS . RILEY. My lands, I didn
’
t know Shewas a po lltician .
MRS. SULLIVAN . She isn ’
t. She intends to be preparedwhen Tom Roony proposes! He has pretty near
,but not
quite.
MRS . RILEY. Then he probably won’t. The thingsweare prepared for never happen . I t
’
s a lways the thingswedon
’
t ex pect.MRS . SULLIVAN . Well, She ex pects him to propose. He
has pretty near,but not qu ite. He said to her one day.
HOW would you l ike to live in the country She shouldhave said,
“I’
d l ive anywhere with you, Tommy. But she
didn ’
t, and he hasn’
t said any more Since.
MRS . RILEY. O h,well , Tom Roony alwayswas careful .
I f he sa id it again ,she might take him up on it.
MRS . MORIARITY. Does he wear eye bl inders !MRS . SULLIVAN . Don ’
t talk thatway, Nell ie. Kittyloo-ks all right when She gets on herwar pa int.MRS . MORIARITY. True for you, Mr
'
s. Sull ivan . But
sure, there are others.
MRS.SCANLAN . Well
,it’
s n ice of Magg ie to take an
interest in Kitty’
s bandeau.
MRS.MORIARITY. Maggi e will get her reward. For sure,
this is her Tommy day. Tommy did this, and Tommy sa id
that. Sure I don’
t enVy~Maggie.
(A noise like a suppressed laugh is heard of left.)
MRS. SULLIVAN . Did yez a ll hear that no ise in the
kitchen ! I’m go ing to look aga in . (E x its, left.)
MRS. RILEY. We haven’
t heard about your romance,Mrs.
Scan lan .
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 9
MRS . SULLIVAN enters from the left.
MRS . SULLIVAN . There isn ’
t anyone there. I’
ve looked
all around. (Sits.)MRS . MORIARITY. I t
’
s the wind blowing the cabbage
leaves in the back yard,Mrs. Sullivan .
MRS. SCANLAN . Maybe it’s a ghost, Mary A nn . GrannyBrogan used to tell us ghost storieswhenwewas go ing to
bed .
MRS . SULLIVAN . Mercy,Bridget ! Don
’
t suggest such a
thing . Please let us hear your romance.
MRS . SCANLAN . Well, I first met Scan lan at Dooligan’
s
ball , as I have said once.
MRS. MORIARITY. A s you have said o ften .
MRS . SCANLAN . I went to the bal l with a long-haired
gen iuswho played the fiddle. I didn ’
t l ike him, but pa
did. Sure, I couldn ’
t be sitting stil l all even ing . A nd
Scan lan,though fat,was an illegant dancer. Hewas a
plain hod-carrier in those days and,having to step l ively,was very graceful . SOwe danced the program together.
MRS. SULLIVAN (eagerly) . Did he see you home,Bridget !MRS. SCANLAN (nodding ) . He did that. A nd nowhe
says, Bridget, go all you wish,but be sure and see your
sel f home before meal time.
!
MRS . RILEY . What became of the fiddler !MRS. SCANLAN . I don
’
t know . I sawh im onct afterthat
,and h e wouldn ’
t speak to me.
MRS. MORIARITY . Smal l blame to him.
MRS. RILEY . Did you have a hard time getting Mr.
Scan lan !MRS. SCANLAN . I did that, but he had a harder time
getting me.
MRS . CLANCY. NowI ’m interested. I wish the doctorwas here to en joy it. DO tell us all about it, Mrs. Scan lan .
MRS. SCANLAN (confidentially) . Girls, hewas jealous.MRS. SULLIVAN . Why,
I can’
t imag ine Mr. Scan lan being jealous.
10 MRS. SULLIVA N’
S SEA NCE
MRS. SCANLAN (proudly) . Sure, Iwas good- looking inthose days.
'
MRS. SULLIVAN . Bridget, dear, no’
offense.
’
Y ou are even
better-looking now. I mean Mr. Scan lan is so good-natured.
MRS. SCANLAN . I understand what youmean ,Mary A nn .
But for the love of goodn ess don’
t let Scan lan hear you
say it'
. Sure, he’
d knock a man down for saying less thanthat about him. He says when people can
’
t say anythinginteresting about a man they always say,
“A h
, the poor ladwas good-nature'
d
MRS . MORIARITY. Was he jealous of your beauty, Mrs.
Scan lan !MRS. SCANLAN . Glory, no ! Y ou see, itwas thisway. Iwas wild over him,
and young and Si lly enough to show it.
Did Yez ever think, g irls, it i sn’
t w ise to let a man knowhOW wel l yez l ike him !
MRS . MORIARITY. Dowe'
think it ! Say,we knowit.MRS . SULLIVAN . Surewe do . Why, even Michael doesn
’
t
know hown ice he is.
MRS; SCANLAN . Well,Scan lan did. He got mighty big
feel ing . But by mentioning M icky Shea,Patsie Finnegan
and Dennie Carney, I had him‘
wild. Hewas for fightinga duel l ike acount. He says to me, Bridget, I
’l l either fightthe duel or jump in the lake. I says to him,
Scan lan , bu\
a marriage l icense in stead ;it will be cheaper.MRS. CLANCY .
.Wasn’
t it beauti fully romantic ! I wishthe
“
doctorwas here to en joy it.M RS. RILEY (sadly ) I met Riley at a funeral . His
first wife’s.
‘MRS . MORIAR ITY . Did he prOpoIse then !
MRS . RILEY. O h,no
,not right away . He wa ited more
than'
aweek. He sa id Iwas so sympathetic that I reallyfelt worse than he did.
MRS . SULLIVAN . Well,no one need come to my funeral
and sympathizewith M ichael thatway. I '
certa in ly wouldObject.MRS. CLANCY. .Don ’
t g ive them the chance,Mrs. Sul
l ivan . Keep well . The doctor is just around the corner.
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 1 1
MRS ; MORIARITY. Speaking of wakes, g irls, arewe goingto a seance !
(L oud knocking is heard at left. A ll are startled.)MRS . SULLIVAN . My, isn
’
t that terrible ! (Rises and
ex its,
'
left.)MRS. RILEY. My, it certa in ly is spooky . I
’m getting theshlvers. MRS . SULLIVAN enters from left.
MRS . SULLIVAN . No one is there. I have looked in all
the Corners and out of doors. (Sits.)MRS. MORIARITY . O h
,take it easy, M rs. Sul livan . I f
it’
s a ghost, let it walk. I knowa manwho knew a manwhosawa ghost walking up
‘
the window curtains, onct.MRS. SULLIVAN . Mrs. Moriarity
, you make me nervous.
I . feel that creepy I can hardly sew.MRS . RILEY (holding up her lace) . I
’
ve made a mistake.
The pattern is all wrong . This isn ’
t a rose ; it’
s a cabbage.
MRS. CLANCY (holding up a pair of stockings) . Not one
of these feet match ;I’ll never be able to wear them.
g
.,MRS. MORIARITY (waving a sock) . Blessed day ! This
sock is a porous plaster. I’
ve dropped twelve stitches.MRS. SCANLAN (holding trousers
-up) . Glory! I
’
Ve put
a green patch on oue. . leg and a yel low one on the other
Danny will be the laughing stock of the school i f he wearsthem.
MRS . SULLIVAN (holding up red undershi rt) . Horrors !I’
ve sewed Michael ’s shirt together. I hope I won’
t be in
hearing distance when he tries to get into it.
(The ladies fold up their sewing and put it on the table.)(A knock is heard off right.)
MRS . MO RIARITY. O h,Mrs. Sullivan, Someone is knock
ing at your front door.
(MRS. SULLIVAN rises and ex its at'
right.)
MRS . RILEY. I can’t seewe’ve accompl ished much.
MRS . MORIARITY . Sure,we haven ’
t. But don’
t moan
12 MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE
about it,Mrs. Riley . Save your sighs for somethingworth
while.
MRS . SULLIVAN en ters, right.
MRS. SULLIVAN . Girls, the strangest thing has happened.
A poor O ld woman is outside. She says she is a mediumand wants to tell our fortunes.
MRS . SCANLAN . Let her in ,Mary A nn ; let her in . I
want to hear'
about the tal l willowy blond .
1 d
MRS.=
SULLIVAN (opening the door) . Please come in,
a y.
MAGGIE, disguised as the medium, enters at the right.
MRS. SULLIVAN (placing a chair in center of stage) . Sit
down ,please,- lady. Can you go into a trance !
MAGGIE (sitting in chair) . Sure, I can go into anything .
MRS . MORIARITY . What do you charge!
MAGGIE (looking about the r'
oom) . Fifty cents each.
MRS . MORIARITY. That’
s too much.
MAGGIE (rising ) . A s you please. That’
s my price.MRS . SCANLAN; Well
,I lost a dollar onct, so I might as
wel l lose fi fty cents more.
MRS . CLANCY. Sure,I can afford it. Some child will
swallowhis pa ’
s col lar button , and the doctor wil l get morethan one fi fty cents back !
MAGGIE (sitting down ) . I must first have my money.
(The ladies open their pocketbooks, get up and place moneyin her lap. She puts money in her purse. L adies resume
their seats.) Now, ladies, please draw your chairs togetherand form a circle.
(The ladies drawchairs on either side of MAGGIE , forminga semi-circlewhich faces the audience.)
MRS . SCANLAN . Lady, i f you can tell me howo ld I am,
I ’l l surely bel ieve you. When I asked pa he’
d always say,Well, Bridget, I don
’
t know ex actly. Y ou were born in
Ireland when .the sunwas Shin ing, and sure it’
s been shin ingever since.’
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE 13
MAGGIE (passing hand over her eyes) . Y es, yes ; you
were born in Ireland.
MRS . SCANLAN . Sure, I just to ld you Iwas.MAGGIE (dreamily) . Y es
,
'
yes;fifty-five years ag o March
the tenth.
MRS . SCANLAN . You’
re wrong ! Never in my l i fe will Iown up to more than forty years.MAGGIE . Dearie, you don
’
t understand. I mean i f youlive long enough.
MRS . SCANLAN . I f I live to be more than a hundred
years old, I’ll never own up to more than that.
MAGGIE . Y es, I see, dearI-e. I t run s in the family. Dearo ld Granny Brogan is here. Shewas seventy when she
passed out thirty years ago . But says She,“Tell my l ittle
Biddie I am on ly forty now.MRS . SCANLAN (touching her hand to her eyes) . Poor
old Granny. Iwas her l ittle Biddie.
MRS. MORIARITY. Don’
t cry about it,Mrs. Scan lan .
Sure, no one could call you little Biddie ! now!MAGGIE . She says to beware of a blonde woman with a
quarrelsome disposition ,who has been do ing a great deal oftalking about you.
MRS . MORIARITY . Granny Brogan would never talk about
me thatway. I don’
t bel ieve it.MAGGIE . I t IS Granny Brogan talking A n ice old lady
with a brogue as rich as cream.
MRS . SCANLAN . Y ou see it is Granny, Mrs. MorIarIty.
Sure, you must have said something about me, elSe hawwould you know itwas you she meant !
MRS . MORIARITY . Well, I won’
t let anyone run downme character
, dead or alive.
MRS . SULLIVAN . Girls, girls, don’
t quarrel . Remember,we all want our fi fty cents’ worth .
MRS . MORIARITY . We are sure getting it.MAGGIE . A dign ified gentleman with a whitewig is here
to call on you. He says his name is General Washington .
MRS. SULLIVAN (clasping her hands) . O h, General !
14 MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE
General Washington ! I am that proud to have you enter
my humble home.
'
Sure, I always wanted to meet youMRS. SCANLAN (reproving ly) . Keep quiet, .Mary A nn .
The general is cal l ing on me,! not you.
MRS. SULLIVAN . Wel l, hewas call ing at my home, I an Id
Iwas merely being po l ite.
MRS . CLANCY . My, I do love the nobil ity !MAGGIE . Y es, dear friends, the nob il ity is in line. Queen
E lizabeth is here, arm‘
in arm with Mary,Queen of Scots.
They are with Granny Brogan . A nd they all love Bridget.MRS . RILEY . I wish I
’
d worn me green“
si lk. That’
s
always theway. I f you aren’
t dressed up, some one youwant to make an impression on is sure to come.
MRS. SCANLAN . Don ’
t try to impress them,L izzie Ri ley.
I bel ieve what the medium says. Because Granny Broganalways did keep good company.
MRS . MORIARITY (scornfully) . The . idee ! GrannyBrogan in company with Queen L izz 1e and Mary Scott !
A nd Mr. Washington ! I’
ve a l ittle common sense !
MAGGIE . L izzie,L izzie Riley. Your husband’
s first wifeis calling you.
MRS . RILEY (startled) . Blessed A gnes ! Well, IwOn ’
t
come.
MAGGIE . She says her name is E llen .
MRS . RILEY. Well, that’
s true.
MAGGIE . A nd she says,“Tel l Ri ley I love him sti l l.
M RS. RILEY (emphatically) . I will n ot ! Ri ley is .con
ceited enough, without thinking an angel loves him.
MAGGIE ._
She says she wasn ’
t considered an angel'
ou'
earth, but an awful nagger. A nd that Ri ley will be g lad toknow she is in pleasant company .
M'
RS. RILEY. Well, I’m sure Riley is pleasant enough
company for me. But I’m g lad She feels thatway about it.
MAGGIE . Have you a question .to ask !
MRS. R ILEY.
‘
Does R iley love me as much as his first !MAGGIE . Sure, but not hal f so much as
“
he wil l his third.
'MRS . RILEY. There never will be a third i f I can help it !
MRS. SULLIVA N ’S SEA NCE 15
MRS. CLANCY. Y ou can help it, Mrs. Riley. The doctoris just around the corner.
MRS. MORIARITY. Howo ften do you have to remind us
of
MRS.TCLA NCY . Well,it is my duty to boost the doctor.
That is, i f I want any newclothes to wear.MAGGIE . Katie—Katy-did !MRS . CLANCY (eagerly) . O h, I amsure that
’
s UncleM ike. He always cal led me his l ittle Katy-did.
MAGGIE . Y es,a very refined gentleman is ta lk1ng now.
He says (stutters) ,“Katie
,di-di-did you know what people
are saying !!
MRS . CLANCY . My, that is surely Uncle M ike ! Iwastel l ing .
Magg ie Hoo ligan on ly this morn ing howpoor UncleM ike used to stutter.
MAGGIE (shaking her head sadly) . Katie, di-di-did yourealize no one wants you ! They all want your husband.
!
MRS. CLANCY (showing aston ishmen t) . Well“, they can’
t
have him.
MAGGIE . When Mary A nn is sick, she says, Send forDr. Clancy. Just to look at him.makes me well .MRS. SULLIVAN (rising ) . Why—why—Mrs. Clancy
, thisis an outrage ! I meant he IS so insp iring .
MRS. CLANCY (looking haughtily at MRS. SULLIVAN ) . Iguess you sa id it, all right. (To MAGGIE .) But tell me,lady, what did she say about me !MAGGIE . O h,
K atie, you
'
have So many rivals. Who isBridget ! Bridget says
, Dr Clancy is a lovely man , buthonest, I Should think Katie would be jealous of his patients. They .are so good . looking .
!
MRS. SCANLAN (rising ) . O h, M rs. Clancy, please takeno offense. I didn ’
t mean it. Honest to goodness I didn’
t.
(Sits down .)MRS . CLANCY. Y ou needn
’t tel l me what you meant,Mrs.
Scan lan . What you said 1s enough—quite enough.
MAGGIE . Where Is Nell ie ! I get the in itials, N . M.
Nellie M . She says, Honest, i f I wanted to take a Short
cut to the cemetery, I’
d send for Dr. Clancy.’
16 MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE
MRS . MORIARITY (rising ) . I sa id it, Mrs. Clancy. SureI sa id it. But I meant a walk
,Mrs. Clancy . Your husband
is such good company.
MRS . CLANCY (rising and placing her hands on her hips) .I f you want to take a walk to the cemetery
,M rs. Moriarity,
take your own husband with you and leave him there.
Sure,you’
d be g lad to, every one knows ! (They sit down,
glaring at each other.)MAGGIE . L izzie saysMRS. RILEY (interrupting ) . I
’m sure I don’
t know whatshe can say about mesMRS. CLANCY (fo lding her arms) . Well
,what does
L izzie say! I can stand most anything now.
MAGGIE . L izzie says, I f Dr. Clancywas a Widower, andI a widow, I
’
d go to dear Katie’
s funeral a nd cong ratulatehim on his becoming mourn ing .
’
MRS . MORIARITY. Y ou will never have the chance, Mrs.
R iley. A_
doctor and a mourner would starve.MAGGIE . Do you want to ask. a question !
MRS . CLANCY. No thanks. I’
ve heard enough.
MAGGIE . Where is darl ing Nell ie !
MRS . MORIARITY . That must be mysel f . Sure, I alwayslonged to be somebody ’s darling .
MAGGIE . Your dear cousin Lottie comes to me and calls
you“darl ing Nell ie.
!
MRS. MORIARITY. Sure, she used. to call me more thanthat when Shewas here.
MAGGIE . She loves you now, and wants me to say to
you,
“Nell ie, beware !
!
MRS.~ M ORI A RITY (alarmed) . Beware of what, for me-r
'
eysake !
MAGGIE , A blonde woman .
MRS . MORIARITY (eagerly) . Who is she !
MAGGIE . She loves your husband. She sawhim and
talked with him today.MRS . MORIARITY . The deceitful creature !MAGGIE . Y es, and your husband kissed her good-bye.
18 MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEA NCE
pieces. She stooped to pick it up, and dropped the Io'
werplate.MRS . SULLIVAN . My h ivens !
MAGGIE . I t broke into splinters.
MRS. SULLIVAN . O h,Glory ! What will Michael do !
MAGGIE . Your dear husband will have to buy a newseto f teeth. The dentist says he never will be able to fix them.
MRS . SULLIVAN . Michael will be crazy. He has put all
his money in polytics.
MRS. MORIARITY . Cheer.
up, Mrs. Sull ivan . Maybe thedentist needs a newpair of shoes.
MRS. SULLIVAN . Y es, but M ichael may get a different
face with his newteeth. Y ou never can depend on falseteeth.
MAGGIE (sadly) . That is not all !
MRS. SULLIVAN . No ,I suppose the rest is worser.
MAGGIE . I t will be hard on you,Mrs. Sullivan . Your
late cousinwas crossing the street.
MRS . SULLIVAN . Horrors ! ' Has anything happened to
Magg ie !
MAGGIE (impressively) . The crowded streets,with speeding automobiles.MRS . SULLIVAN . M ercy ! Was Magg ie hurt !
MAGGIE . I twas a horrible accident !MRS. RILEY . A in ’
t it awful ! I knew something would
MAGGIE . Magg ie tells me—Magg ie is here now. She
says,“Tel l my dear cousin—Mary A nn Hoo l igan Sull ivan
that is—that I dropped her big bottle of ha ir dye in the
street.!
(The ladies ex change g lances.)MRS . SULLIVAN (reviving ) . Ton ic, you mean .
MAGGIE . Sure, cal l it ton ic, i f it makes you feel better.
MRS . SCANLAN . Never mind what she calls it, lady.What happened !
MAGGIE (dramatically) . A utomobi les were coming.Crowdswere hurrying . The ha ir dye dropped. Bing , bang !Two tires were cut. Trafficwas stopped. Pol icemen gath
MRS. SULLIVA N ’
S SEANCE 19
ered. When they looked for your dear cousin—She hadpassed on ! Her spirit is speaking to you now.MRS. SULLIVAN (getting up and pacing the .! oor) . O h,
never mind the ha ir dye ; never mind the teeth. (Wringshands.) O h, g ive me back my Magg ie ! .Give me backmy dear, sweet cousin ! (Takes hair pins out and pretendsto tear her hair.) O h
, get Michael ! O h,her poor mother !
Her poor sister ! O h, she will have the biggest wake intown ! O h
MRS. CLANCY (goi ng to MRS. SULLIVAN and putting herarm around her) . Don ’
t take on so, darl ing . I ’ll get thedoctor
,and x call up the morgue.
MRS. RILEY (wring ing her hands) . I ’ll '
buy your mourning,
Mrs. Sull ivan . I will en joy doing it.MRS. MORIARITY (patting MRS. SULLIVAN on the back) .
Don ’
t take it so hard,Mary A nn
'
. I’
l l make Moriarity lendMr. Sullivan his company teeth for the funeral .
-MRs. SULLIVAN (wailing ) . O h,oh, Magg ie !
MRS. SCANLAN (pushing the ladies aside) . Keep cool,ladies. Mary A nn
,don
’
t start waking“ Magg ie until you
find out the truth. Make the medium prove Magg ie is here.
I will’
hum “The Wea rin
’
o’
the Green ,
!
and i f the realMagg ie 18 here sure She
’ll start to dance.
(MRS. SCANLAN pretends to play the“
violin. in pan tomime,hummi ng the tune. MAGGIE rises and starts to dance. Her
hood falls back and her long skirt and shawl drop -to the
! oor, revealing MAGGIE in street clothes.)
A LL (in amazemen t) . Magg ie !MAGGIE (laughing ) . Wasn
’
t it rich ! I’m go ing to a
Show.MRS. MORIARITY. Magg ie Hoo l igan , you cheat ! We
want our money'
back.
MAGGIE . Not one cent will yez get ! I worked hard forthat money. (Good naturedly.) Honest, now, don ’
t have
any hard feelin’
s about what yez heard. Y ou knew it ain ’
twhat people say about yez . It’
s theway they say it.
QUICK CURTAIN .
A n Ea rly B irdBy W A L TE R BE N HA RE
Price, 35 Cents
Comedy in 3 acts;. 7 ma les, 7 fema les. T ime, 2% hours.Scenes ! P riva te o ffice of a ra i lroad president! room in a chea pboard ing house a t F lag g
,
Corners. A ct I .—A b ird " in th e tree. A ct
I I . —A b ird in th e bush. A ct I I I . -A b ird in th e ha nd. “Y ou see
tha t door ! O n th e ou tside i t says Pull, but on my s ide i t saysPush ! Get th e idea ! 1 h ad no pu l l to mak e myway, on ly push !A n d i t h as made me a mi ll iona ire. Understa nd ! Push ! ! ThusK i lbuck tells h is son , Tony,wh o h a s been ex pe l led from co l leg e.
W i th un l imi ted nerve an d a l igh t heart, Tony s tarts out to carveh isway to fame an d fortune and towin th e g irl h e loves. O n th eroug h journey h e ~meets on e Barnaby B ird,wh o fig ures strong lyin th e p lay, but h e ou twi ts h im, puts a b ig dea l over on h is fa ther,wins th e g 1ri h e loves a nd a l l ’swel l . Comedy fea tures are introduced by a coq uet t ish stenog raph er, a fresh “
o ffice boy, a coun trybe lle an d h er mo ther, a la nd lady of a F lag g Corners hotel, an d
last but by no means least , D i lly th e h ired g irl .“Th e p la y, ‘
A n E arly B ird,’ g iven by th e Georg etown 0. B“ C
is th e best g iven here y et.—O rmstown (Qua ) Bu lletin .
SYNOPSISA ct I .—Th e priva te o ffice of Cyrus B . K i l buck on a morn ing
in March. Cup id g e ts busy in a ra i lroa d o ffice. Jessamine visi tsth e presiden t of ,
th e. road . “I’
ve g o t i t a l l p la nned out; by th et ime my b oy is 40, he ’ ll b e th e presiden t of th e roa d ! ! BarnabyB ird, from F lag g Corners, awise . o ld T‘h e insul ted officeboy . Bad news from co l leg e.
“Turn on th e l ig hts, ha ng out th eAmerica n ! ag , k i ll th e fa t ted ca lf a nd
“
let th e ba nd p la y—th eprod ig a l h a s re turned ! " “
Iwa s in th e freshma n cla ss four yearsan d Iwas jus t beg inn ing to enjoy th e p lace .
!F a ther an d son .
A stormy in terview. “Get out, earn your own l iv ing—and 'mak e
g ood ! " E x i t Tony.A ct I I .=—Th e si t t ing room in M rs. B eavers ’ board ing ho
'
use , F lag gCorners. A morn ing in Ju ly. A lazy boarder.
“I’
l l“
g et h im upi f I have to throwa buck e t of hot suds throug h th e tra nsom.
R osa Be l la Beavers,th e belle of F lag g Corners.
“I’
ve beenworki n g th is l ife- insurance g ag . for three mon ths n owand I
’
v e earnedjus t M r. and M rs. P erry A l len arrive to mee t JessamineuTony b lossoms out as a reg ular bus iness man . M r. B ird g etsinside informa t ion co ncern ing th e P . D . Q . ex tens ion. Tony buysth e R iver R oad. R uined , ru ined ! Justwhen I thoug ht I ’d coa x edth e b ird in to my hand, '
I find h e’
s farther away than ever. Toug hluck , o ld k id ; toug h luck ! !
A ct,I I I .—Af ter d inner. Th e ex tens ion is to be bui l t over th e
North R oad . I’m a fa i lure ! ! Jessamine shows h er fa i th in Tony.
“I’m g owg to
_
b e a man !! M -r. B ird tak es a drop too much and is
rebuk ed -by D i lly, th e h ired g irl a n d th e correspond ing secretaryo f th e Young Lad ies ’
Co ld Wa ter Socie ty. Jessamine tra ps th eb ird and Tony buys th e North R oad . So ld for ha lf a mi ll ion dol e !
l'ars. “H e’
s a reg u lar bus iness man -at las t ! !
T. S. DEN ISO N COMPA NY , PublishersWabash A ve., CHICAGO
DENISO N’S ACTING PLAYSPartial List o f Succe ss ful and Popular P lays. La rg e Cata lo g ue Free
'
FA RO ES.CO MEDIETA S.Etc.
Prlce 2 5 Cents Each
A l l on a Summer’s Day, 40min . 4_6
Aunt Harriet ’s Night O ut, 35
Aunt Matilda’
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Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min . . 5
Case Against Casey, 40Doc-Funny Family, 1 hr 3 9
Fun in Photo Gallery, 30min . . 6 10Getting Rid of Father,“ 20min .
3Ii)Goose Creek Line , 1 hr
Great Pumpkin Case, 35Hans Von Smash, 30 4 3
Honest Peggy, 25 mIrish Linen Peddler, 40min . 3
Irish‘ Stew, 1 hr. 5
Just Like a Woman, 35 min . 3
M e and Betty, 30m 2
Men N ot Wanted, 30Mother Goose ’
s Goslings, 30m. 7
M rs. Hoops-Hooper and the
Hindu, 35 min .
Mrs. Jenk ins’ Brilliant Idea , 35m.
Mrs. Stubbins’ Book Agent, 30m. 3
N ot a Man in the House, 40m.
Paper Wedding , 30min . 1
Pat’s Matrimon ia l Venture,
wwwww
Rummage .Sale, 50min 4 10
Sewing for the Heathen, 4
Shadows, 35 minSin g '
a Song of Seniors, 30min . 7Taking Father’s P lace, 30min ! 5 3
Teacher,
Kim I Go Home, 35min .
Too Much of a Good Thing , 45mm.
Two Ghosts in White,
'
20min . 8
Two of a Kind, '
40 min 2 3
Uncle Dick’s Mistake,20min . 3 2
Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of !
.Spades. 40minWhole Truth. 40mi nWho ’
s Crazy N ow! 25 min .
Who ’
s the Boss ! 30min . .
Wron g'
Baby, 25 min 8
FA RO ES.CO M EDIETA S.Etc.
Prlce 1 5 Ce nts Each
April Fools, 30minAssessor, The, 1 5 minBefore the Play Beg ins, 1 5
Billy’s Mishaps, 20min .
Country Justice, 15 minFamily Strike, 20 min . 3 3
For Love and Hon or, .
20min . 2 1
Fudge and a Burg lar, 1 5' min . 5
Great Medica l Dispensary, 30m. 6
I n itiatin a Granger, 25 min . . 8
Kansas mmig ran ts, 20 5 1
Pair of,
Lunatics, 20 mm . 1
Pat, the“Apothecary, 35 min . . 6 2
‘u
'i
mmoo
M r.
Second Childhood, 1 5 min 2 . 2
Smith ’s Unlucky Day, 20mm 1'
1That Ra '
scal Pat, 30 min ~ 3 2'
Those Red Envelopes, 25mm. 4 4Troubled by Ghosts, 10min .
T-wo Aunts an d a Photo , 20man ted ! A .Hero , 20min 1Wide Enough for Two,-45 min . 5
‘
VA UDEV ILLE SKETCHESPrice 2 5 Ce nts Each
fimzfieur, 1 5
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Little Miss“
t nemy, 15 min .
L i ttl School House, 20m.
Marriage and After,
"10 min ..
O ne Sweetheart‘ for Two, 20m.
Oyster Stew,Pete Y ansen ’
s Gurl’sModer, 10m.
‘
1_
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,1 5
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Street Faker, 1 5 minSnoh Ignorance, 1 5 miSunny -Son of I talYn I Smin . . 1T ime Table, 20 min .
Tramp and the Actress;20min “
1 1Troubles of Koz inski,‘ 1 5 min 1Two Jay 'Detectives, 1 5Umbrella Mender, 1 5 mVe it a Minute, 20min . 2
BLA O K' FA CE PLA YSPrice 2 5 Cents Each
African Golf Club, 25 min 10 1A lmost an A ctor, 20minAx in ’ Her
' Father, 25 -minBattle of Roaring Bull, 30mm 1 1
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Cash Money,
NH
MAI-l
Colored Honeymoon, 25 2 2
Coon Creek Courtship, 1 5 l 1Coontown Thirteen Club, 25m.14Dark Secret, 30min .
‘
Fu’st A id to Cupid, 20 3 2
Good M orn in’
, Judge, 35 min . . 9 2
Hitting the African Harp,15 min .
Hung ry, 1 5 minKiss Me,
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O h,‘
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"
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Twink ling F ing ers and Swaying F ig ures. For little tots.ot ide E nterta inmen ts.A cho ice Christmas co llection.
