Mr. Campbell’s class discusses our nine core empathy ......Part 4 of the ‘Stress Management, Empathy, & Anger Control’ series ... Dr. Fiore is a Licensed Psychologist & Author

Mr. Campbell’s class discusses our nine core empathy skills

Part 4 of the ‘Stress Management, Empathy, & Anger Control’ series © 2010-2013 by Debbie Dunn

Several of the Anger management concepts originate with the Anger Coach, Dr. Tony Fiore, and are used with his permission.

Dr. Fiore is a Licensed Psychologist & Author of course called “Martial Arts Educator Certification.”

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NNaarrrraattoorr : There are pivotal events that happen in this country that impacts us all. The

Connecticut school shooting that happened on the 14th of December, 2012, is

one of those events.

NNaarrrraattoorr : In an effort to bring comfort, understanding, and a way to help us deal with our

feelings of stress, empathy, and anger, this series has been created.

NNaarrrraattoorr : This is an excerpt of a role-play about anti-bullying. Just the part about learning

about nine core empathy skills is included. Mr. Campbell said:

MR. CAMPBELL: We are going to learn more about empathy today. Dr. Fiore lists nine

core empathy skills that it is important for people to acquire. So I am going

to call on Doug, Cathy, and Fred to help me demonstrate these nine skills.

NNaarrrraattoorr : All three students walked to the front of the room with wondering faces. Mr.

Campbell said:

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, let’s go back to our story about the tall man, the short man,

and the Wild Boar. Fred, I would like you to play the part of the Wild Boar.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Fred grunted like he imagined a Wild Boar would sound saying yes. The class

laughed. (http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Wild_Boar_sounds.aspx)

DOUG: Can I play the part of the short man?

MR. CAMPBELL: Absolutely!

CATHY: So, I suppose I will play the part of the tall woman.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Cathy emphasized the word woman to indicate that she was changing the gender

of that particular character.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Surprising himself by volunteering again, Judd suddenly spoke up.

JUDD: Hey, Mr. Campbell?

MR. CAMPBELL: Yes, Judd?

JUDD: I’ll play the part of the Tiger.

MR. CAMPBELL: All right. Thanks, Judd. Come on up.

http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Wild_Boar_sounds.aspx





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NNaarrrraattoorr : Judd went to one side of the room to where the hole in the ground would be

simulated and sat on a chair.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Fred went to the other side of the room to simulate where the Wild Boar would

start rummaging through the forest.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Doug and Cathy stood in the center of the room. Doug ducked down a bit so he

could pretend to be shorter than Cathy.

MR. CAMPBELL: Since the first empathy skill is to understand the other person’s

point-of-view, we need one more volunteer to play the part of Oprah or

Montel Williams. Who would like to be the talk show host or hostess?

BONNIE: I would like to be the talk show hostess.

MR. CAMPBELL: Great! Come on down!

FRED: To “The Price is Right!”

NNaarrrraattoorr : Once again, everybody laughed. He certainly added a lot of comic relief to the

discussion.

MR. CAMPBELL: I’ll narrate the story. At various points, I will call out FREEZE

ACTION. At that point, Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, you will take turns

approaching all four characters and interviewing them. Dr. Fiore teaches

that part of having empathy for others is you should try to supply the

answers for yourself to the following three questions:

(1) I wonder what he or she is

feeling right now.

(2) I wonder what is really

important to him or her right

now.

(3) I wonder how he or she is

viewing this situation.

MR. CAMPBELL: By the way, just because you feel empathy for somebody does not

mean that you have to agree with his or her point-of-view. It simply means

you are striving to understand where he or she is coming from.

Here is a poster to help you remember the three key questions. So, during

the FREEZE ACTION, Talk Show Hostess Bonnie will interview each





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MR. CAMPBELL: character and have them try to guess what is going on with their

counterpart. For example, what does the Tiger character think the short

man is thinking? What does the short man think the Tiger is thinking? And

so on.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Judd started to regret that he had volunteered. On the other hand, the other

students felt very pleased about the parts they were going to be playing.

MR. CAMPBELL: Let’s begin. There was once a tall man and a short man walking

through the forest.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Tall Cathy and short Doug pretended to be walking through the forest.

MR. CAMPBELL: All of a sudden, a Wild Boar came running up, ready to charge those

two men.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Fred came running up and pretended to charge tall Cathy and short Doug.





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MR. CAMPBELL: The tall man climbed up into a tree. The short man could not reach the

lowest branch.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Cathy carefully climbed onto a chair that was set up by the white board to help

her keep her balance. Doug ran around looking for a safe place to hide. Fred

pawed the ground, looking menacingly at Doug.

MR. CAMPBELL: FREEZE ACTION.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Talk Show Hostess Bonnie interviewed Cathy first. She asked:

BONNIE: Okay, Tall-Woman Cathy, how do you think Short-Man Doug is feeling

right now?

CATHY: Well, I suppose he is frustrated that he was too short to climb a tree. He

probably is scared of the Wild Boar. He is hoping to find a safe place to

hide.

BONNIE: What do you think is most important to Short-Man Doug right now?

CATHY: I suppose being safe and saving his life and limb is most important to Short-

Man Doug right now.

BONNIE: How do you think Short-Man Doug is viewing the situation?

CATHY: He may be a little mad at me for climbing a tree and leaving him on the

ground to deal with that Wild Boar. He may think that was unfair of me to

do that. If I was some kind of a trapeze artist, maybe I could swing down

and grab him, but I am not. I hope he’s not mad at me.

MR. CAMPBELL: Nicely done, Tall-Woman Cathy and Talk Show Hostess Bonnie.

Now, please interview Short-Man Doug.

BONNIE: Hello, Short-Man Doug. How do you think Tall-Woman Cathy is feeling

right now?

DOUG: Well, I suppose she is feeling kind of guilty for climbing a tree and leaving

me down here on the ground. And she SHOULD be feeling guilty. It’s not

fair that I have to be the only one to deal with the Wild Boar.

BONNIE: What do you think is most important to Tall-Woman Cathy right now?

DOUG: Well, I suppose she is determined to not fall out of that tree so she can stay

safe. That is probably her top priority. Perhaps her secondary priority,

since we are best friends, is that I stay safe as well. Or at least, I hope my

best friend would feel that way.

BONNIE: How do you suppose Tall-Woman Cathy is viewing this situation right now?





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DOUG: I suppose she is rooting for me to find a safe place to hide from the Wild

Boar. She is rooting for me to be successful.

MR. CAMPBELL: Great, you two. Bonnie, we will have you interview the Wild Boar a

little later in the story. Have a seat for now as the story continues.

Fortunately, the short man found a large hole in the ground and dived down

into it. The Wild Boar snuffled around, tearing up the ground. He couldn’t

reach the tall man. He couldn’t find the short man.

NNaarrrraattoorr : As Wild Boar Fred continued stalking Doug, Short-Man Doug found a hole in

the ground. In other words, he dived down behind a couple of chairs that were

set up about three feet from where Judd sat. Wild Boar Fred tried to reach up to

grab Cathy, but he was not tall enough. Wild Boar Fred tried to find Doug, but

he was nowhere to be seen. Wild Boar Fred looked around in confusion.

MR. CAMPBELL: FREEZE ACTION. This time, Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, please

interview Wild Boar Fred regarding Short-Man Doug’s feelings.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Talk Show Hostess Bonnie turned to Wild Boar Fried and asked:

BONNIE: Okay, Wild Boar Fred, how do you think Short-Man Doug is feeling right

now?

FRED: Well, I suppose he is relieved that he found a way to get away from me just

like the tall woman did.


FRED: He probably is most concerned with staying safe and staying alive.


FRED: He is happy that he will not have to deal with me anymore since he found a

safe haven.





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MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, let’s continue the story. The Wild Boar was just about to wander

off when … the short man popped out of the hole. Needless to say, the Wild

Boar charged after that short man. Just in the nick of time, the short man

dived back down into the hole.

FREEZE ACTION. Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, please continue your

interview with Wild Boar Fred.

BONNIE: Wild Boar Fred, how do you think Short-Man Doug is feeling right now?

FRED: I’m puzzled. I was sure he was feeling relieved to be away from me, but

then he pops out of the hole. I guess he wants me to come after him.


FRED: I thought he was most concerned with staying safe and alive, but now I am

wondering if he is looking for an adrenaline rush high instead.

BONNIE: What do you mean by adrenaline rush high?

FRED: Well, perhaps he wants to be like Evel Knievel doing daredevil stunts like

“Let’s provoke the anger of the Wild Boar and see if I can live to tell the

tale.” You know, do things like that.

BONNIE: How do you think Short-Man Doug is viewing the situation now?

FRED: I think he is viewing the situation like this is an opportunity to anger me

and show off for Tall-Woman Cathy.

MR. CAMPBELL: You all are doing a great job. Okay, the story continues.





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MR. CAMPBELL: Once again, the Wild Boar snuffled around, tearing up the ground. He

couldn’t reach the tall man. He couldn’t find the short man. He was just about

to wander off when … the short man popped out of that hole again. This, of

course, reactivated the Wild Boar’s interest. The boar charged. Just in the

nick of time, the short man once again dived back down into the hole.

FREEZE ACTION. This time, Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, please interview

Tall-Woman Cathy regarding her view of what Short-Man Doug must be

thinking.

BONNIE: Okay, Tall-Woman Cathy, how do you think Short-Man Doug is feeling

right now?

CATHY: Well, I thought he was feeling scared, but now he has me really

bamboozled. I cannot understand why he doesn’t just stay in that hole until

the Wild Boar leaves. Maybe he is just crazy in the head.


CATHY: Well, I thought safety would be most important to him, but now I wonder

whether he is just wants to be able to show off instead.


CATHY: I think Short-Man Doug is wishing I would have a camera phone with me so

I can put this on YouTube or America’s Funniest Videos. He’s either gone

crazy, or he really lacks intelligence.

MR. CAMPBELL: Good job! Now it’s time to discover what is going on with Short-Man

Doug and Judd the Tiger. Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, please interview

Short-Man Doug regarding what is going on in the Tiger’s mind. Then

interview Judd the Tiger regarding what is going on in Short-Man Doug’s

mind.





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BONNIE: Short-Man Doug, as you appear and disappear from the hole, what do think

the Tiger is feeling?

DOUG: Well, he probably is pretty hungry. He probably is happy dinner has

arrived and frustrated when dinner keeps disappearing.

BONNIE: What do you think is most important to the Tiger right now?

DOUG: I would say getting a good meal would be the Tiger’s highest priority.

BONNIE: How do you think the Tiger is viewing the situation right now?

DOUG: Well, I would say he would appreciate it if I would stay in the hole long

enough so that he can get an easy dinner without having to go hunting.

BONNIE: Thank you, Short-Man Doug. Now Judd the Tiger, what do you think the

short man is feeling?

JUDD: Well, he probably is pretty scared that I am going to manage to hurt or kill

him when he is down in the hole.

BONNIE: What do you think is most important to the short man right now?

JUDD: I suppose he just wants to be safe from being hurt or killed.

BONNIE: How do you think the short man is viewing the situation right now?

NNaarrrraattoorr : Judd thought for a while. Then he said:

JUDD: Well, he is just trying to find the best way to survive the whole situation.

MR. CAMPBELL: Great job, you three! Let’s continue with the story.

The short man popped out of that hole again and again. Each time, the Wild

Boar would turn and charge. Finally, the Wild Boar got disgusted with the

whole useless effort and ran off.

The tall man climbed down out of the tree, stomped over to the short man, and

snapped, “You fool! Why did you keep popping out of that hole the way you

did over and over and over again?”

The short man said, “Well, …, you see, …, there was a …, Tiger in the hole.”

FREEZE ACTION. Okay, Talk Show Hostess Bonnie, it is time to interview

Tall-Woman Cathy for the last time.

BONNIE: Tall-Woman Cathy, this was a very unusual day. In light of what you

learned, what do you think the short man is feeling?





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CATHY: Well, I imagine that Short-Man Doug is feeling relieved that he managed to

survive two predators. The poor thing had to manage to not get attacked

by either the Wild Boar above ground or the Tiger below ground. No

wonder he acted so crazy!


CATHY: Well, I now know he was not after getting publicity. He just wanted me to

understand that he was not crazy or stupid. Instead, he was dealing with

two very difficult situations. So probably, he most wants some

understanding and support from me.

BONNIE: How do you think he is viewing the whole situation?

CATHY: He probably is feeling very grateful and relieved that he not only survived

but that I have learned that I shouldn’t judge him ever again without

getting all the facts first.

MR. CAMPBELL: Bravo to all five of you. You did an excellent job!

NNaarrrraattoorr : Next, Mr. Campbell placed a poster describing Empathy Skill #2 on the white

board.

MR. CAMPBELL: Do I have a volunteer to read Empathy Skill #2?

JARED: I will. Empathy Skill#2 - Listen without your answer running in your head.

Actively listen to the other person’s story without interruption. Instead of

thinking how you have a similar story, ask him or her more questions to

elicit more details.

MR. CAMPBELL: Good job, Jared! Okay, class, we are going to demonstrate exactly

what that poster means. I need a volunteer to play another Tiger.





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BLAKE: I’ll do it.

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Blake. You and Judd the Tiger sit in the front of the room. In a

moment, Judd, tell Blake your story of what happened with the short man.

Blake, the first time he tells his story, let’s have you fail miserably at being

an empathetic listener. Instead of trying to hear all of Judd’s story,

interrupt early on to tell about a time you had your own encounter with a

human.

JUDD: Hey, Tiger Blake. You wouldn’t believe what happened to me. I was

minding my own business down in that hole. That’s my hide-out, you know.

All of a sudden, this human dived down into it. I was just about to decide

whether he would make a good dinner when … .

BLAKE: Oh, I had my own encounter with a human. I was hanging out in the forest.

All of a sudden, I saw these two humans walking by. I was getting ready to

go after them when that pesky Wild Boar came running up. You know how

scared I am of Wild Boars, so I ran the other way instead.

NNaarrrraattoorr : The class laughed. Fred said:

FRED: Good one, Blake!

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, this time, Blake, you are going to be an empathetic listener.

Keep asking Judd questions until you feel like you have managed to get

every detail about his story clear in your head.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Blake turned to Judd and said:

BLAKE: Judd the Tiger, you look upset. What happened?

JUDD: Hey, Tiger Blake. You wouldn’t believe what happened to me. I was

minding my own business down in that hole. That’s my hide-out, you

know. All of a sudden, this human dived down into it. I was just about to

decide whether he would make a good dinner when he jumped out.

BLAKE: Then what happened?

JUDD: Well, I was disappointed that I missed my chance at getting a free dinner.

Then, all of a sudden, he jumped back down in the hole again.

BLAKE: He did? What did you do then?

JUDD: Well, I was trying to figure out the best way to attack him when he climbed

out of the hole again.

BLAKE: That sounds frustrating! What happened next?





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JUDD: Well, this happened over and over again. I was getting madder and madder.

I had finally figured out how to get him for good when he climbed back out

and never came back again. I sure was disappointed!

BLAKE: How did you feel?

JUDD: Hungry!

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, class. How well did Blake demonstrate empathy?

MONICA: He really listened to Judd. He never interrupted. And he managed to get

every little detail about Judd’s story.

MR. CAMPBELL: Judd the Tiger, how did you feel the first time that you tried to tell

Tiger Blake your story?

JUDD: I felt pretty annoyed that he cut me off and didn’t let me finish my tale.

MR. CAMPBELL: How did you feel the second time around?

JUDD: It felt pretty good. I felt like he really listened to what I had to say. He

seemed more like a good friend rather than a competitor.

MR. CAMPBELL: Excellent! Any questions about Empathy Skill #2?

NNaarrrraattoorr : Nobody responded. So Mr. Campbell put up the poster for Empathy Skill #3.


TRIXIE: I will. Empathy Skill #3 - Turn off mental filters. When someone else talks

about a topic you feel strongly about, are you truly listening to them or are

you listening through your own particular mental filters?

MR. CAMPBELL: Can anybody give an example of what that means?

TRIXIE: I think I know. I was trying to tell my Mom about why I didn’t get a very

good grade on my math test. She was so upset that I got a bad grade that

she never really heard my whole story. That was really frustrating.





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MR. CAMPBELL: Good example. Trixie, how about you play the part of Tall-Woman

Cathy’s over protective mother who has told her repeatedly not to climb

trees. Let’s see how you react when she tries to tell you her story. Tall-

Woman Cathy, go home and tell your mother what just happened to you.

CATHY: Mom, you will never believe what happened!

TRIXIE: What happened, Daughter Cathy?

CATHY: Short-Man Doug and I were walking through a forest when a Wild Boar

charged us. I managed to climb a tree to escape it.

TRIXIE: Cathy, I’ve have told you repeatedly to not climb trees. That was very

inappropriate of you!

CATHY: But, Mom!

TRIXIE: Don’t you ‘but Mom’ me. You could have fallen out of that tree and broken

your arm or leg. That is so dangerous! Now go to your room!

NNaarrrraattoorr : The class erupted in laughter. Fred said:

FRED: That sounds about like my mother, too. I guess she is not a very empathetic

listener either.

MR. CAMPBELL: Cathy, how did that feel to you?

CATHY: It felt awful. My pretend mother didn’t even acknowledge that I had been

clever enough to find a way to stay safe and alive. Instead, she punished me.

MR. CAMPBELL: Mother Trixie, please replay this and show empathy this time?

TRIXIE: Okay. Daughter Cathy, you look rather excited. What happened to you?

CATHY: Mom! You won’t believe it! Short-Man Doug and I were walking through

the forest. A Wild Boar came along and charged us.

TRIXIE: What did you do to stay safe?

CATHY: Well, Mom, I know you never like it when I climb trees but that seemed the

only way to escape. So I did!

TRIXIE: Well, in this case, it does seem like the best choice. What happened next?

CATHY: Well, sadly, Short-Man Doug couldn’t reach the lowest branch. But he

found a hole to dive into.

TRIXIE: Oh, that’s good. So, what happened then?





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CATHY: Well, every time the Wild Boar got bored and got ready to walk away,

Short-Man Doug kept popping out of the hole. I thought he had gone crazy

or something. But finally, after several times of this, the Wild Boar ran

away for good. So I climbed down out of the tree. Short-Man Doug popped

out of that hole for the umpteenth time. I questioned him why he kept

popping out of that hole over and over and over again.

TRIXIE: What did he say?

CATHY: He said that there was a Tiger in the hole. I didn’t believe him until I went

and looked. Sure enough, there really was a Tiger in the hole. Then, I

understood he wasn’t crazy or dumb. He was just trying to stay safe and

alive from two different predators.

TRIXIE: That is an amazing story! I would prefer that you not go in that forest

anymore with predators like Wild Boars and Tigers wandering around.

CATHY: Yeah, Mom, I think you are right. We are both lucky to be alive.

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, both of you. I feel you both were empathetic listeners.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Next, Mr. Campbell posted Empathy Skill #4.


NICK: I’ll read it. Empathy Skill #4 - Be more aware of body language. Facial

expression. Mean touch versus Kind touch. Voice Tone & Volume. Stance

(i.e., hands on hips). Proximity (i.e., Getting in your face versus Standing

close due to feeling affectionate).

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, Nick! Would you be willing to play another Wild Boar

who is friends with Wild Boar Fred?

NICK: Sure!

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Wild Boar Fred. Tell Wild Boar Nick your story. The first time





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MR. CAMPBELL: around, Nick, use your body language to show that you are not

feeling any empathy for Fred and his story. Have negative facial

expressions, mean touches, body stances that show displeasure, loud

volume, a negative tone of voice, and also, get in his face.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Nick thought to himself:

NICK: I’m good at all that. This is going to be easy.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Nick said aloud:

NICK: Okay.

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Wild Boar Fred. Tell Wild Boar Nick your story.

FRED: Hi, Wild Boar Nick. You’ll never believe what just happened to me!

NNaarrrraattoorr : Wild Boar Nick said sharply:

NICK: What?!!

FRED: Uh, well, I found these two humans walking through the forest. I tried to

get both of them. Unfortunately, one of them climbed a tree. The other one

dived into a hole.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Wild Boar Nick yelled:

NICK: So, you failed!

NNaarrrraattoorr : He got in Fred’s face and growled:

NICK: You are such a LOSER!

NNaarrrraattoorr : Then he gave him a somewhat gentle push.

MR. CAMPBELL: So, Fred, did you feel like Nick empathized with you?

FRED: Nope! I felt attacked instead.

MR. CAMPBELL: This time, Wild Boar Nick, use your body language to show Wild

Boar Fred lots of empathy and caring.

NICK: Okay. I’ll try.

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Wild Boar Fred, please tell him your story again.

FRED: Hi, Wild Boar Nick. You’ll never believe what just happened to me!

NNaarrrraattoorr : Wild Boar Nick said in an interested tone:

NICK: What happened?





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FRED: Well, I found these two humans walking through the forest. I tried to get

both of them. Unfortunately, one of them climbed a tree. The other one

dived into a hole.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Wild Boar Nick kindly said:

NICK: That’s a bummer! What happened next?

FRED: Well, I couldn’t reach the human in the tree. I couldn’t find the human in

the hole. But then, you’ll never believe it, that human who had dived into

the hole kept popping out of the hole over and over again.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Wild Boar Nick patted him gently on the arm and said:

NICK: That must have been frustrating!

FRED: It sure was! I kept turning around and trying to get him. But every time I

got close, he disappeared into that hole again. Finally, I just got fed up and

left for good. I don’t know what happened to them after that.

NICK: Too bad I wasn’t there to help you. With two of us working together, we

probably could have gotten him with no problem.

FRED: Yeah! That’s a great idea. I’ll call you on my ‘Wild Boar Cell Phone’ next

time that happens.

NNaarrrraattoorr : The class laughed in appreciation of the humor and the skit.

MR. CAMPBELL: Wild Boar Fred, did you feel empathized with this time?

FRED: I sure did!

NNaarrrraattoorr : He patted Nick gently on the back like you would a dog and said:

FRED: Good empathy, Wild Boar Nick. Good job empathizing!

NNaarrrraattoorr : Nick found himself smiling in amusement. He said:

NICK: Uh, thanks, Wild Boar Fred.

NNaarrrraattoorr : The class erupted in applause. Next, Mr. Campbell posted Empathy Skill #5.





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BILL: I will. Empathy Skill #5 - Be a more patient listener. Why Listening

frustration happens? * Get to the point versus Let’s explore all aspects of

the issue. * Fast and quick thinker versus Slow but maybe deep thinker. *

Talk with someone who is hard of hearing or taking cold medicine that

slows their thinking.

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, Bill. Let’s have you discuss what happened with Short-

Man Doug. Who wants to play the slow talker, and who wants to play the

fast talker?

BILL: I’ll be the fast talker and thinker.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Doug said very slowly:

DOUG: I’ll … be … the … slow … talker.

MR. CAMPBELL: Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, perhaps not that slow as we still have four more

skills to cover before the bell rings. Nevertheless, let’s begin.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Doug said somewhat slowly:

DOUG: I almost got killed today by two predators.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Bill quickly said:

BILL: What happened? Tell me quick. I don’t have much time.


DOUG: Tall-Woman Cathy and I were walking through the forest.

BILL: Get to the point, Man! Get to the point!


DOUG: Okay, a Wild Boar charged us. Tall-Woman Cathy climbed a tree. I

couldn’t reach the lowest branch.






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BILL: I don’t need to hear all the grisly details. Just tell me who the two predators

were.


DOUG: A Wild Boar above ground and a Tiger below ground.


BILL: Well, you obviously survived, because here you are in one piece. Bye!

MR. CAMPBELL: So Doug, how did the conversation feel to you?

DOUG: It was frustrating because he didn’t let me tell my story.

BILL: I found it frustrating as well because he wanted to include too many details.

I just wanted him to get to the point so I could get on with my day.

MR. CAMPBELL: So, Class, that is something to be aware of that each of us has our

own talking style. It takes effort and patience to talk with people sometimes

if that person has a vastly different talking and thinking style from you.

Well done, Doug and Bill!



MONICA: I will. Empathy Skill #6 - Give communication feedback to others. Respond

with phrases like this: * I hear what you are saying. * That must have been

very stressful to go through. * I am sorry I disrespected you; it won’t

happen again. * I bet you felt good about yourself after you managed to do

that.

MR. CAMPBELL: Good job, Monica. How about you play the big sister of Tall-Woman

Cathy? You are going to listen with empathy to her story and use an

empathy communication phrase similar to the ones you see on that poster.





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MONICA: Okay. Hey, Little Sister Cathy, you look upset. What happened?

CATHY: Well, Short-Man Doug and I were walking through the forest. A Wild Boar

charged after us. Even though Mom doesn’t like me to climb trees, that is

what I did. Sadly, Doug is not very good at climbing trees. I felt so guilty

leaving him on the ground when I was safe up in a tree.

MONICA: Yes, I can see why you would have found that upsetting. What happened

next, Little Sis?

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, both of you. Cathy, how did you feel as you told that part

of your story?

CATHY: I felt like my big sister really cared about me. It felt good.

MR. CAMPBELL: Monica, was it hard to show empathy in that way?

MONICA: It didn’t feel hard to do that with somebody I cared about. It might be a lot

harder if I didn’t really care what happened to that person. But I can see

why you are teaching us these skills. It makes sense.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Mr. Campbell looked pleased. He didn’t realize what a big thing it really was as

Monica had been doing some recent soul-searching about all the bullying she

had been doing in the past.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Perhaps she will be one of the future success stories at KMS (Kennedy Middle

School) – a bully who has made the commitment to no longer be a bully. We

will have to wait and see to be sure.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Daphne looked extra hopeful that this might mean her days of being bullied by

Monica were over. She thought:

DAPHNE: At least, I hope that is what that means!






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DAPHNE: I will. Empathy Skill #7 - Listen with less judgment. Being less judgmental

and more tolerant of other people is an empathetic skill that leads to more

acceptance in the world, fewer conflicts and arguments, and much less

personal anger.

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, Daphne. What do you think that poster means?

DAPHNE: I think it is just like the Wild Boar story. Tall-Woman Cathy had to listen

and think about Short-Man Doug with more tolerance. Once she

understood his back story, she realized that he was a person to be

respected after all.

MR. CAMPBELL: Who can add to Daphne’s explanation?

BILL: I will. We just have to realize that since everybody has a back story,

whether we know what it is or not, everybody has the right to be respected

and treated with empathy and tolerance.

MR. CAMPBELL: Good job, Daphne and Bill!

BILL: I just wish those kids who bullied my cousin had to take a class like this. I

think it might really have helped them.



RANDY: I will. Empathy Skill #8 - Avoid roadblocks to communication. Words to

avoid saying: * You must … . * You have to … . * Let me tell you why you

are wrong. * What I would do … (when advice wasn’t sought). Words that

are good to say: * I would prefer it if you … . * I would appreciate it if … . *

Perhaps you could try it this way. * Others have found it helpful to

approach the problem this way.





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MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, Randy. Let’s say that you are Short-Man Doug’s big

brother. He is going to confide in you his frustrations about not being able

to climb a tree to safety. First, let’s have you be the know-it-all bossy big

brother who listens with no empathy. Afterward, you will be the empathetic

big brother. Please begin, Doug.

DOUG: Big Brother, I had a really frustrating day.

RANDY: What happened, Little Brother?

DOUG: Tall-Woman Cathy and I were walking through the forest. All of a sudden,

a Wild Boar charged both of us. She climbed a tree. I couldn’t reach the

lowest branch. She was safe, and I was still in danger.

RANDY: Little Brother, you should have run through the forest until you found a

tree you could climb. Or you should have hid behind a tree.

DOUG: There wasn’t time. Fortunately, I did find a hole in the ground. So, I dived

down into it. There was a problem though. There was a Tiger in the hole.

RANDY: You should have looked before you leaped.

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Doug, how did that conversation feel?

DOUG: It felt really frustrating. He kept interrupting me; plus, he really made me

feel put-down and criticized.

MR. CAMPBELL: Now, this time, Randy, listen to his story with empathy.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Randy nodded. He said:

RANDY: Little Brother, you look upset. What happened?

DOUG: Well, Tall-Woman Cathy and I were walking through the forest. All of a

sudden, a Wild Boar charged both of us. She climbed a tree. I couldn’t

reach the lowest branch. She was safe, and I was still in danger.

RANDY: What did you do? I bet you figured out something really clever to do.

DOUG: Well, yeah. I did find a hole that I could dive into. The only problem was,

once I was down there, I heard all this growling behind me. I turned

around and looked. There was a Tiger down in that hole.

RANDY: Oh, no! That’s awful! What did you do then?

DOUG: Well, I felt like I had no choice. I would climb out of the hole and stand my

ground until the Wild Boar got too close. Then, I would dive back down in

the hole and stand my ground until the Tiger got too close. I did this over

and over again hoping that one of them would get tired and run away for





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DOUG: good. Fortunately, the Wild Boar got disgusted and finally ran away for

good. Then, I could climb out of that hole for good and leave that hungry

and angry Tiger behind.

RANDY: That sounded like a pretty good plan. What’s the problem?

DOUG: Well, I don’t know what I could have done if there hadn’t been that hole in

the ground. It is really frustrating to be too short to climb a tree.

RANDY: Hmmmm! Well, I can see why you would find this frustrating. Perhaps you

could either carry a walking stick with you that you could use like a weapon

or one of those tree-climbing instruments like the telephone pole people

sometimes carry. Do you think that might work?

DOUG: Yeah! That might work. Thanks, Big Brother.

MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, you two. Doug, which conversation felt better to you?

DOUG: I definitely liked it better when he just made suggestions rather than telling

me what to do.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Lastly, Mr. Campbell posted Empathy Skill #9.

MR. CAMPBELL: Okay, Class, we just have a little more time before the bell rings. Do I

have a volunteer to read Empathy Skill #9?

BARBARA: I will. Empathy Skill #9 - Increase social awareness. * Persons with high

social awareness are always monitoring themselves as to how others might

be perceiving them. One trick that helps develop this skill is to imagine a

video cam in the corner of the room. Ask yourself how you would look on

that camera if you could see yourself now. Remember: That is how others

are seeing you!





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MR. CAMPBELL: Well done, Barbara. What do you think that poster means?

BARBARA: Well, I guess it is saying that how we act and what other people see when we

act might be two different things.

MR. CAMPBELL: Good. Anybody else?

MARTHA: Mr. Campbell? Aren’t their cameras set up in this building?

MR. CAMPBELL: Yes, there are. There are not any cameras in the bathroom or locker

room where your privacy could be trespassed upon. But there are cameras

at many places in the building so that the principal and assistant principal

can have proof of somebody acting inappropriately.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Judd, Nick, Blake, Barbara, and Monica kind of felt nervous when they heard

that piece of news. They hadn’t realized there were cameras that could record

their acts of bullying. Judd and Nick both registered that both the bathrooms and

locker rooms were still safe from prying eyes.

NNaarrrraattoorr : Jared found himself thinking that he better always have a friend to watch his

back when he entered the bathroom or locker room since there were no cameras

set up there.

MR. CAMPBELL: How many of you feel like you understand a lot better how to listen

to others with empathy?

NNaarrrraattoorr : Everybody raised their hand. Fred said:

FRED: It was a lot of fun today. It was not at all BORING even though I was a Wild

Boar.

NNaarrrraattoorr : The students both laughed and groaned at Fred’s little quip. Just then, the

dismissal bell rang.

MR. CAMPBELL: Have a great day, Everybody! Class dismissed.

Documents

Mr. Campbell’s class discusses our nine core empathy ......Part 4 of the ‘Stress Management, Empathy, & Anger Control’ series ... Dr. Fiore is a Licensed Psychologist & Author