Moving with Kids: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Keeping the Kids Sane and Occupied © 2015 by Carrie Daws

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Title Page

Copyright Information

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Meltdown

Chapter 2: Advice From Those Who Have Been There

Further Reading by Carrie Daws

About the Author

Contact Information

CHAPTER 1

The Meltdown

If you’ve read The Warrior’s Bride, you may remember that I’ve moved a lot in my life. Of course some moves were easier than others. Sometimes more things got broken, and other times getting settled was harder than the actual work of moving. But the move that sticks out most in my mind for overall difficulty is the one from Montana to North Carolina.

My husband had filed a request to retrain out of Security Forces, so once the change of MOS was approved we knew orders would be coming. We also knew that Tech School would be at Keesler AFB, Mississippi, but we couldn’t go with him. So we’d decided that if his follow on orders were west of the Mississippi River, the kids and I would stay put in Montana; otherwise we’d head to my parents’ home in Kentucky.

Whether it was a paperwork mix-up, a delay on a busy person’s desk, or a lazy Airman not doing his job, we don’t know. What I do know is that orders to North Carolina didn’t drop until five days before he was scheduled to drive out. Five days.

Thankfully, God had been impressing upon me to prepare, so even though friends around me scoffed, I began to clean out closets, keep less stock in the kitchen, and mentally separate what I would need to take with me. Planning was difficult because we were leaving Montana in early April where temperatures were still hovering in the 40s and low 50s. We’d be spending three months in Kentucky where the temperatures could easily soar into the 80s.

And prior to the orders dropping, I had no idea where we would be going from there. Alabama? Maybe. Massachusetts? Possibly. You see, my husband was retraining into computers. His health problems had removed his worldwide qualifications, so we knew it would be stateside. But other than that, it could be anywhere.

When the orders read North Carolina, a part of me cheered. I could dump most of the kids’ winter gear because none of it would fit them after we left North Carolina. And I only needed to worry about taking a small selection of spring/fall clothes and a good selection of summer clothes. Much smaller pile than I’d originally feared. We could do this.

While my husband argued with the transportation office about the short timeline, I moved furniture out of a corner of the living room and started my travel pile. And while the packer worked on filling boxes, I stayed ahead of her and filled suitcases.

Things were going so well. My kids were excited about seeing their grandparents, and I knew our German shepherd would love running all the open land my Dad owned. The move was quick, but everything was coming together beautifully. Until the Meltdown

Yes, until the meltdown. The moments leading up to it are a bit foggy in my mind now, but I clearly remember hearing my daughter’s scream. I rushed into her room to see her in full panic, pulling her beloved stuffed animals out of the box where the packer, a grandmotherly woman, had just piled them. The woman was almost as distressed as my seven-year old baby girl.

When I appeared, the packer quietly put down the bear still in her hands. “I’ll just work in another room for now,” she said as she patted my arm and moved down the hall.

I knelt down beside my girl as she frantically gathered as many of her animals as her young arms could hold. “She can’t take them. She can’t.”

My heart broke. It’s not that we hadn’t prepared her. She, her five-year old brother, and I had been

preparing for weeks, talking about the move and the places we might go. She understood she’d be saying goodbye to her friends and favorite places, and we’d be off on a new adventure for a new church and new playgrounds.

This wasn’t even her first move. In her seven years, she’d lived in four different states and five different homes. She’d experienced two temporary housing units and more hotels than I care to count.

But her heart and mind were beginning to understand what moving really meant. She knew that her best friend would no longer be just down the street, and recognized that she might never see her again. It was an easy leap for her to go from mourning her friendship to wanting to protect the other things she loved.

I’ve seen it over and over in the homes of friends who go through deployments. Somewhere between the ages of seven and ten, kids understand things like deployment and moving with a deepness unlike they’ve ever known before. Some of the realities of military life hit them with a freshness that catches many parents unaware. Other Difficulties

But that doesn’t mean those are the only challenging years to move with kids. How about:

• When you’re nauseous from pregnancy, or later on when you’re exhausted and feel like you weigh two-tons

• When you have infants and need to keep a good supply of diapers, wipes, and formula

• When you have toddlers who don’t understand that you can’t stop driving for six more hours

• When you have a preschooler who can only sleep in their bed with their special night light

• When you have a child in the middle of a school year, or preparing to enter their last year in that particular school (elementary, junior high, or high school)

• When your child doesn’t make friends easily • When your child is heavily involved in a sport that isn’t available in your

new town I’m sure other difficulties came to your mind based on your or your friends’s

experiences. The point of this book is not to depress you with all the possibilities but to help you think proactively and creatively on behalf of your child(ren). Sometimes our kids will simply have to adjust to the new home, but often you can do something to make the transition easier on the entire family.

CHAPTER 2

Advice from Those Who Have Been There

Instead of trying to come up with scores of advice from my years of travel, I reached out to a few friends who have also spent many years traveling. Some of these ladies are still active duty while others are retired. They span four of the five branches of service, and more moves altogether than any of us wanted to count.

Some of the advice you will read is more appropriate for little ones, while other advice pertains to older kids. Some of this will work for your kids, and some will not, but much of it can be adapted to your situation.

The key is to ask God for wisdom and courageously think outside the box. You can do this next military move! And so can your kids. Jessie

When we moved to Ft. Bragg, only our 11-year old son & I came. Our soldier had to stay back at Ft. Campbell. We were going to be in North Carolina the whole summer by ourselves. I looked online ahead of time for churches, parks, museums, activities, trails, etc., and then Logan & I checked those things out. We alternated, doing a few things that he wanted and a few things I wanted to do. Not only did going places keep him busy but so did checking out info online and researching the various places.

From Carrie: I love this advice! It is a practice I have adopted, even when we’ve

moved to high activity areas like Washington, D.C. If you have a lot of options, I recommend you keep them somewhat prioritized by both cost and what you most want to do so you don’t PCS with your favorites still on your list to go see. If your new home doesn’t offer many activities nearby, then stretch your search distance to whatever distance is comfortable for your family—including attractions two or three-hours away and maybe a few two-day trips for beautiful weekends.

Amy

Definitely check things out before moving. Join the military pages for that area on Facebook, ask people about schools, housing on/off base, and good churches. It makes a huge difference and can help avoid pitfalls ones you arrive.

As far as kids and transition, be honest. Let them know it is ok to hate it, love it, or

anything in between. Tell them it is a lot of work but you guys can get through it together. Talk about the new area and plan to do something fun to set a good impression for you and them. If you are stuck in temporary housing, focus on getting out as often as possible, even if it’s just Chick-fil-A for a soda and playground!

From Carrie: Allowing yourself and your children to be honest is good! It’s okay to hate your new home—but also encourage everyone (especially yourself) to formulate opinions for each aspect of your new home. Don’t just label the entire place awful. What about your new church? Your new neighbors? The playground down the street? My daughter and I still talk about the thrift store at one of our locations because it was that good, particularly when compared to where we are now!

Karen When mine were really little and we were driving across country, I wrapped them a bunch of cheap toys and they got to open a present every so often. It kept them from getting too bored in the car.

From Carrie: With the plethora of discount stores, this option is more affordable than ever! Remember, every present doesn’t need to be $5 (or more). Most little kids love ALL gifts, so challenge yourself and see how thrifty you can be!

Christi When we were driving, we bought a new DVD movie for our son to watch, as well as some old favorites. It just helped him to pass the time. He had a LeapFrog game player and loved playing it or letting it read to him.

When he wasn't watching a movie or reading with his LeapFrog, we would play car games—counting motorcycles, or Hummers, or Volkswagon bugs. I always had a coloring book and colored pencils (less messy), a couple of picture books, and a small tub of Legos or a new Bionicle because they were his favorite toys. When he was older, we bought him a new DS game to play and that would keep him busy for hours.

He always had his pillow, special blanket, and a soft fuzzy stuffed animal to sleep with—familiar comfort is always good at a hotel or new house. And once we got to the new house we always set Sam's room up first or before his bed time, so he could go to sleep with no boxes. Most of his toys were in colorful bins & tubs that stacked for organization anyway, so it was quick work to organize his room & closet.

I always took our bedding with us in the car so as soon as the beds were set up I could put it on. Being really organized was one thing that helped the unpacking go more quickly and smoothly.

Finally, I made sure we always had plenty of snacks and water. We always had some healthy snacks, but also a couple of fun things that weren’t part of our usual purchases made the trip more special and fun.

From Carrie: Clearly this is from a veteran mover. Anything new from your child’s favorite toys or books that you can purchase will make the boring time in a car or airplane more tolerable. So definitely consider that option. My children and I play all kinds of games in the car, even sometimes when we’re just having a long day of running errands. We call out all the yellow cars, or oddly colored cars (non-typical car colors), or license plates that don’t match the state we are currently in. Volkswagen bugs or PT Cruisers look different enough from most cars that even younger kids can point them out. Or just find the letters of the alphabet in order (A, then B, then C, etc.). Being prepared to set up your child(ren)’s room first, perhaps even before they go to sleep, is a psychological technique that will dramatically help them acclimate to their new home. The more a child depends on routine, the more important this is. You don’t have to have every item in its place, but getting the bed set up and putting their favorite sheets on it can help calm a child who’s remembering everything they’ve lost in the move (friends, church, favorite places).

Christina We moved 3,000 miles one summer. Our sailor had to leave first, so I traveled with five kids and my aunt. We made a fun trip of it, stopped in Colorado to visit family for two days and to Alabama to see church friends. I also purposed to stop each day at one place of interest.

I made travel Lego cases for the kids so they would have something to do. My daughter had cards, paper, and envelopes to write and mail letters to her friends. We also had a good supply of DVDs and handheld electronics to play with.

We usually stayed in places where they served breakfast, and then had a cooler with lunch stuff and snacks. Stopping to eat dinner also helped to break up the long driving days.

All the kids had their comfy pillows and blankets to travel with. Although it took us ten days to drive all the way across country, a little longer than I would have liked to be in the car, it went well. Our belongings had arrived before us, allowing my husband time to set up the beds and get some things put away. That helped it feel a little more like home.

From Carrie: The longer the drive you face, the more tempting it is to just get it over with. But some of the places you drive by are worth stopping to see, and you may never get the chance to see them with your children again. If stopping every day is too much, then pick a place every two, or even three, days. And build the excitement about visiting them with your kids, even if the only excitement they can muster is the chance to get out of the car for a couple of hours.

Hopefully these moms got ideas flowing for you. I know your To Do list is long before a move, but taking a little time to prepare for the transition and the days on the road will help make the experience easier and more pleasant for everyone.

FURTHER READING BY CARRIE DAWS

The Warrior’s Bride: Biblical Strategies to Help the Military Spouse Thrive By: Kathy Barnett and Carrie Daws Print ISBN: 978-1-62020-287-6 eISBN: 978-1-62020-390-3 Print List Price: $15.99 Digital List Price: $9.99

The call came down from Command, and your warrior husband is out the door, leaving you behind to handle whatever he has left undone. Whether it’s the day-to-day monotony, the inevitable appliance that breaks, or the months without his presence beside you, being a military spouse brings challenges few appreciate. Yet God sees you and longs for you to boldly step into His plan. He purposely chose you for this moment—for your man. He wants to give you abundantly more than what you have right now and desires you to thrive as your warrior’s bride.

Your Extended Family: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Surviving Within and Without Your Family eISBN: 978-1-62020-439-9 Digital List Price: $0.99

Family. They can be one of our biggest blessings and one of our biggest stressors. Family members that don’t understand the military system can complicate your life, and sometimes the best-intentioned relative can undercut everything you are trying to build with your husband.

Living far away can also be hard if you have a medical emergency. Deployments and high ops tempos give loneliness and depression the opportunity can take over. Are there really any practical answers? What does the Bible say about dealing with and living apart from family.

Reintegration: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Surviving After the Homecoming By: Kathy Barnett and Carrie Daws eISBN: 978-1-62020-440-5 Digital List Price: $0.99

Deployments are inevitable in military life. Short or long, relatively safe or extremely dangerous, time away from our men is standard issue. How can the family left behind best deal with the transition before and after deployment? And what should we do if he comes home different? Those who deal with long separations due to a career know that the first weeks back can be trickier than when you first began living together as a couple, particularly if the mission was stressful or life-threatening. While the Bible doesn’t specifically mention reintegration, God still gives us great advice on preparing our hearts and minds so that our marriage can thrive even through Reintegration.

Moving: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Surviving a PCS eISBN: 978-1-62020-441-2 Digital List Price: $0.99

We’ve got orders! As many military spouses know, these simple words change your life. Whether you are moving just a couple of states over or around the world, a flurry of activity is about to consume your calendar. Where do you start? How do you begin to process all your emotions or prepare your children to say goodbye to their friends? How do you know if you need to host a yard sale or even what your weight limit is? Take a deep breath and know that help is available. This book and the free moving checklist will get you started in the right direction.

Finances: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Personal Finance eISBN: 978-1-62020-442-9 Digital List Price: $0.99

Money. It's one of the biggest stressors in marriages. Many live paycheck-to-paycheck, struggling to both cover all the bills and save for retirement. Often husband and wife disagree over petty expenses, forgetting that they are on the same team.

But money doesn't have to be a constant battle. Not only does the Bible give a lot of guidance, but God also provided examples of people getting it right. With a shift in focus and a little disciplined effort, you can gain control over your finances instead of your finances controlling you.

Other Military Spouses: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Finding Great Friends eISBN: 978-1-62020-443-6 Digital List Price: $0.99

Other military spouses can be one of the biggest stressors in a wife’s life. From gossipers to back-biters to spouse shamers, the problem is reaching epidemic proportions, and many don’t know what to do about it. What if you could find a better way? Instead of attacking the problem-women head on or avoiding all women entirely, what if you could find women worth knowing and cherishing?

No matter where you are, God placed around you women of great value, women who strive to love Him first, and women who want to love and encourage you. Instead of resigning yourself to a life of loneliness, let me show you who to avoid and what characteristics to look for in quality friends.

Retirement: A Military Spouse’s Biblical Guide to Life Beyond the Military eISBN: 978-1-62020-444-3 Digital List Price: $0.99

The years have been hard, filled with deployments, trainings, moves, forced flexibility, and uncertainty. Retirement finally looms, yet a fresh uncertainty takes hold. Gone are the days of someone telling you where to live and providing a house for you. No longer will someone tell your man where to go and what to take with him. Now all those choices are yours and his. Where do you start?

Among the plethora of options open to you, pieces of the military will likely always follow you. As your ETS (Expiration Term of Service) nears, learn from retired military spouses Kathy Barnett and Carrie Daws, who have already walked the road you face. Make the journey forward a little easier by arming yourself with what they’ve discovered in retirement.

CARRIE DAWS

Over the years, God rewrote Carrie’s dreams to include being a stay-at-home mom

and a writer. She started by simply writing weekly devotionals online, before a mentor at the Christian Writer’s Guild encouraged her to try writing fiction. However, even in her fiction books, Carrie’s stories are based on the struggles of real people and convey the hope that God never abandons His people.

After almost ten years in the US Air Force, Carrie’s husband medically retired;

they now live in Virginia with their three children. Besides writing, she stays busy homeschooling and volunteering within military ministries.

More than anything, Carrie strives to write clean fiction and encouraging non-

fiction that demonstrate practical Christianity. She says, “I didn’t want to be embarrassed for my daughter to pick up any of my books. But I also wanted to do some exploration. Imagine what your life would look like if you stood up to your greatest fear. Or someone close to you deeply believed you were made for more! I want my readers to find the courage for those things, and that’s what compels me to write.”

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