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Copyright©2015byAustinLight.Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformwithoutwrittenpermissionfromthepublisher.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataisavailable.
ISBN:978-1-4521-4956-1(hc)ISBN:978-1-4521-4990-5(epub2)ISBN:978-1-4521-5372-8(epub3)ISBN:978-1-4521-5373-5(mobi)
DesignedbyNeilEganandBenKitherIllustrationsbyAustinLight
ChronicleBooksLLC680SecondStreetSanFrancisco,CA94107www.chroniclebooks.com
Specialquantitydiscountsareavailabletocorporationsandotherorganizations.Contactourpremiumsdepartmentatcorporatesales@chroniclebooks.comorat1-800-759-0190.
TitleKey
6–7:10ThingsIHateAboutYou8–9:30010–11:Babe12–13:Alien14–15:Saw16–17:BeautyandtheBeast18–19:Scarface20–21:CasinoRoyale22–23:CastAway24–25:DawnoftheDead26–27:DirtyDancing28–29:Drive30–31:FightClub32–33:FindingNemo34–35:Goodfellas36–37:HappyFeet38–39:HarryPotterandthePhilosopher’sStone40–41:HomeAlone42–43:Inception44–45:InglouriousBasterds44–47:It’saWonderfulLife48–49:JurassicPark50–51:LadyandtheTramp52–53:X-Men54–55:MyBigFatGreekWedding56–57:Robocop58–59:OhBrother,WhereArtThou?60–61:PrettyWoman62–63:PiratesoftheCaribbean64–65:Apollo1366–67:PrettyinPink68–69:PulpFiction70–71:TrainingDay72–73:RaisingArizona74–75:Brave76–77:IronMan78–79:SnakesonaPlane80–81:StarWars:ANewHope82–83:StarWars:TheEmpireStrikesBack84–85:E.T:TheExtra-Terrestrial86–87:Taken388–89:TheDarkKnight90–91:TheBreakfastClub92–93:TheNeverEndingStory94–95:TheFastandtheFurious96–97:TheHungerGames98–99:TheLordoftheRings100–101:ThePrincessandtheFrog102–103:ThePrincessBride104–105:TheSilenceoftheLambs106–107:Twilight:NewMoon108–109:EvanAlmighty110–111:WaroftheWorlds
ContentsINTRODUCTION7
OTHINGSIHATEABOUTYOU8
3011
ABE12
ALEN14
AW17
BEAUTYANDTHEBEAT18
CARFACE21
CASIOROYALE22
CATAWAY24
DANOFTHEDEAD26
DIRTDANCING28
DIVE30
FIGHTCUB32
FINDINGEMO34
GOOFELLAS37
HAPPYFEE38
HARRYOTTERANDTHEPHILOSOPHER’SSTONE40
HOMEALOE42
INEPTION44
INGLOURIOUSBASTERS46
IT’SAWONDERFULLIE48
JURASSICPAR50
LADYANDTHETRAM53
MEN54
MYBIGFATGEEKWEDDING56
OBOCOP58
OHBOTHER,WHEREARTTHOU?60
PETTYWOMAN62
PIRATEOFTHECARIBBEAN64
POLLO1366
PRETTYININK68
PUPFICTION70
RAININGDAY73
RAISINARIZONA74
RAVE76
RONMAN78
SNAKEONAPLANE80
STARWARS:ANEWHOE82
STARWARS:THEEMPIRETRIKESBACK85
T.:THEEXTRA-TERRESTRIAL87
TAKE388
THEARKKNIGHT90
THEBREAKFASTCUB92
THEEVERENDINGSTORY94
THEFATANDTHEFURIOUS96
THEHUGERGAMES98
THELORDOFTHERIGS100
THEPRINCESSANDTHEFRO102
THEPRINCESSRIDE105
THESILENCEOFTHELABS107
TWILIGHT:NEWMOO108
VANALMIGHTY110
WAROFTHEWORDS112
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS114
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR114
INTRODUCTION
WhenIwasakidIwouldmakecrappymovieswithmybrothersandfriends.Godzillamovieswithtoysandpaperbackgrounds.Over-choreographedlivingroomlightsaberfightsthatneverlookedascoolastheyfelt.Backyardtrampolinewrestlingextravaganzaswithpreposteroussignaturemoves.Weknewtheywerecrappywhenweweremakingthem,butthatdidn’tmatter.
Weprobablyspentmoretimemakingourmoviesthanwedidwatchingthem,whichwasfinebyme—themakingwasthebestpart.Ieventuallystoppedmakingmovies,butneverstoppedmakingthings.Ialwayshavetohaveaproject,somethingfuntoworkon.MakingstuffisinmyDNA.
Thatnever-endingdesiretomakethingsiswhatledmetoInkTober,amonth-longdrawingeventcreatedbyartistJakeParkerthatchallengesartiststomakethirtyoneinkdrawings,oneaday.Itsoundedlikefun,butIneededatopic.
AroundthesametimeacoworkershowedmeaRedditthreadaboutmovietitleswithonelettermissing.Hilariouswhat-ifsandcould-have-beens,theyweremoviesthatwouldhavebeenfuntomakewithmybrotherandfriends.
SoIdidthenextbestthing.Idrewthem.EverydayImadeanewmoviewithasillydrawingandanewplotdescription.ItwastheclosestadultmecouldgettothosepapercraftJurassicParksandramshacklelightsaberfightsofmyyouth.Attheendofthemonth,afriendhelpedmepostagalleryoftheimagestosharewiththeRedditcommunity.AndthentheInternetexploded.
exploded.
Suddenlymysillydrawingswereeverywhere.Theywereviewedmorethanamilliontimesinlessthansixhours.Friendsofmyfriends’friendssharedthemonFacebook.TheywerefeaturedinasegmentontheTVshow@Midnight.RobertDowneyJr.,MollyRingwald,andWesCravenallsharedthemonsocialmedia.Itwasbonkers.ItfeltlikeStevenSpielbergfoundoneofmyoldmoviesandmadeithisnextblockbuster.
Forthisbook,I’vetakenmyfavoritesfromtheinitialbatchandcreatedevenmore,allnewmovies.I’vealsocreatednew,full-colorartworkforallofthem(theoriginalswerejustquicksketches.)It’sbeenalotoffun,andIhopeyouenjoythemasmuchasIenjoyedmakingthem.Andifyoufindyourselfsubtractinglettersfrommovietitles(Ican’tevenhelpitanymore),andyouthinkupagoodone,pleaseletmeknowatwww.MovieTitleTypos.com.
OTHINGSIHATEABOUTYOUKatrealizesthere’snothingshehatesaboutherboyfriend,butawholelotshedoesn’tlike.
30GerardButlerplaysaSpartanwarriorwhorealizeshecan’teatandpartylikeheusedtoifhewantstokeepthoseabs.
ABEFarmerHoggett’spresidentialpigbringshometheblueribbonattheCountyFairoratorycompetition.
ALENThestoryofalonelycashiernamedAlenwhoyearnsforsomethingmore.
Likeeatingastronauts.
AWThemysteriousJigpawtrapsagroupofstrangersinahouseofhorrors.Theonlywayout?Rubhistummy.
BEAUTYANDTHEBEATAfterawitchturnsherbestfriendintoadopeboombox,BelledecidestoenterFrance’s
GotTalent.Shecrushesit.
CARFACEAbumblingtowtruckaccidentally
becomesthenewbossofadrugcartel.
CASIOROYALEWithhiscoolcalculatorwatchintow,superspyJamesBondgoesundercoverasahighschoolmathteachertorootoutateenagecriminalmastermind.
CATAWAYWhenhisownerslockhimoutandleaveforvacation,Chuckgoesfullferalinthebackyard.
DANOFTHEDEADThedocumentaryofhowacclaimedmethodactorDanielDayLewisspentayearinasarcophagusto
prepareforhisroleinTheMummy4.
DIRTDANCINGAmanpioneersafilthynewformofdancing,butcan’tseemtofind
apartnertodancewithhim.
DIVERyanGoslingplaysaperplexingly
appealingscubadivingguidewhogetsmixedupinsomeshadybusiness.Hehasliketwelvelinesthewholemovie.
FIGHTCUBWhendeforestationthreatenshis
home,onefeistybearfightsback.Theoneruleoffightcub:DOtalkabout
fightcub.He’stryingtosavetheforest!
FINDINGEMOAninsufferableteenagefish
runsawayfromhome.Hisfathercontemplatessearchingforhim,but
decidestojustgivehimspace.
GOOFELLASBasedonrealevents,thestory
oftheriseandfallofEastJerseyDaycare’smobbabies.DirectedbyMartinScorsese.
HAPPYFEEAparkingenforcementofficerlearns
thatdancingmakeseverythingbetter,evenissuingcitations.
HARRYOTTERANDTHEPHILOSOPHER’SSTONE
Ayoungboyfindsoutwho,andwhat,heis.Magicensues.
HOMEALOEWhenaccidentallyleftbehindbyhisparentsattheirvacationhomeinFlorida,youngKevin
searchesthehouseforaproducttosoothhissizzlingsunburn.
INEPTIONCobbhasgreatideas,incredible
theories,thoughtsthatcouldchangelivesandchallengebeliefs.Atleast,that’swhathismomalwaystoldhim.
INGLOURIOUSBASTERSInNazi-occupiedFrance,agroupofguerillachefshatchadaringplantokillHitlerbyfeedinghim
deliciouspoisonbratwurst.
IT’SAWONDERFULLIEAboyfindsoutSantaistotallyreal,
butalsothathe’satotaljerk.
JURASSICPARThankstoaloopholeintherules,twodufferdinossnagaspotonthePGAtourandgolftheirwaytothetopofthefoodchain.
LADYANDTHETRAMThestoryofamissedconnection,andlovelost.Ladyridesthetrameveryday,noodleready,hopingtocomeacrossthestreetwiseItaliandeliveryboywhocharmedherthat
gloomySeptembermorning.
MENAretiredprofessorhelpsa
ruggedCanadianworkthroughhisaggressionashestrugglestouncoverhispast.PatrickStewart
andHughJackmanstar.
MYBIGFATGEEKWEDDINGAgeekgirlfallsforanon-geekguy.Sheconvinceshim—bywayofslaveLeia
lingerie—toparticipateinthegeekiestweddinginthehistoryofweddings.
OBOCOPAcyborgpoliceofficermoonlightsasasexyjazzartist.Theroboticimplantsmighthavereplacedhisheart,buthe’sstillgothissoul.
OHBOTHER,WHEREARTTHOU?Aconvictedfelonbreaksoutofjailwiththehelpof
hisprisonmatesandsetsoffonacross-statejourneytofindhismissinghoneypot.
PETTYWOMANWhenJessicawearsthesame
dressasViviantotheprom,shemakessureeveryoneknowsit’sveryclearwho’scopyingwhom.
PIRATEOFTHECARIBBEANAfterfleeinghisowncountryon
treasoncharges,ahackermoveshisoperationstothetropics,hopingtospendhisbitcointreasureinpeace.
POLLO13Aftertwelvefailedattempts,NASA
finallyputsachickenonthemoon.
PRETTYININKTwoguysviefortheattentionofanoffbeatgirl.Shetriesthembothout,decidestostaysingle.
PUPFICTIONWhenrivaldogscomesniffingaroundtheirterritory,twomob
hitmuttsstartdoing“fieldneuters.”OneofthemalsoexplainswhatdogfoodiscalledinFrance.
RAININGDAYOnarainydayin
California,twonarcoticsofficersskipworktoplayboardgamesanddrinkcocoa.
RAISINARIZONATheinspiringstoryofH.I.
McDunnough,apoorgrapewhowalkedfromPhoenixtoHollywoodandmadeitbigasasingingraisin.
RAVEOnered-hairedScottishgirl.One
dancefloor.Oneunforgettablenight.
RONMANHeroicsmall-governmentadvocateandcityemployeeRonSwanson
buildsarobosuittokeepthetownthatheworksforfromgettinganyworkdone.Alsotocookbaconwiththesuit’srepulsorbeam.
SNAKEONAPLANEInaworldwherehispeersneverleavetheground,onesnakedarestotaketotheskies.
STARWARS:ANEWHOELukemeetsanoldmaninthedesertandreceivessomethingthatusedtobelongtohisfather,whoasitturnsout,wasalsoamoisturefarmer.
STARWARS:THEEMPIRETRIKESBACK
Aftercrashinghistiefighteronasuburbanplanet,DarthVadermustgetbacktotheImperialfleetbyanymeansnecessary.
T.:THEEXTRA-TERRESTRIALAboymeetsanaggressiveyetwell-meaning,jewelry-cladalienwhopitiesfools.
TAKE3LiamNeesonstarsinthis
GroundhogDayinspiredmovieaboutanactorcastinaseriesofnearlyidenticalactionmovies.Howmanytakesuntilhe’sfree?
THEARKKNIGHTOnamassiveboatfilledwithtwoofeverycreatureintheworld,onemankeepsthemallinline.
THEBREAKFASTCUBAyounglionlearnsavaluable
lessonfromsomeunlikelyfriendsandeatsanentirefamilyofgazelles
inasinglegruesomemorning.VoicedbyEmilioEstevez.
THEEVERENDINGSTORYAboyseekingescapefromrealityfindsamagicalbookandlockshimselfawaytoreadit,onlytofindoutitneverreallybegins.
THEFATANDTHEFURIOUSAfterabunchofthugsstealhissweetcar,Jerryspiralsintoaviciousrage-eatingdepression.Hegetssuperrippedforthenextsevensequels.
THEHUGERGAMESTeenagebodybuildersfromthetwelvedistrictsgofullbeastmodeasthey
bulkupfortheannualHugerGames.
THELORDOFTHERIGSThestoryofoneman’sunhealthyobsession
withhistruck.
THEPRINCESSANDTHEFROAwaitressgoesnaturaland
rocksafro.Latershebecomesaprincessforsomereason.
THEPRINCESSRIDEAfteryearsapart,twoloversarereunitedonlytodiscoverneitherloveswhattheotherhasbecome.
THESILENCEOFTHELABSAnin-depthdocumentaryprofileofDoctorHannibalLecter,inventorofthe
anti-barkcollar.
TWILIGHT:NEWMOOAyoungmancompeteswitharivalsuitorashetriestowinamoodygirl’sheartwithhishotbovinetransformationskill.
VANALMIGHTYOneman,blessedwithgiftsfromGod,createsthemostmetalvaninallofmetaldom.Anditwasgood.
WAROFTHEWORDSTomCruisestarsinthemost
intensespellingbeeeverimagined.Explosions!Sweatybrows!
EasternEuropeanetymology!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thisbookwouldn’thavehappenedwithoutseveralpeople.MylovelywifeBrooke,thankyouforyourunwaveringsupport,andforputtingupwithmedoodlingatthedinnertable.TheRedditcommunity,thankyoufortheincredibleresponse.EdMendoza,thanksforshowingmetheoriginaltyposthread,Ioweyouone.TaylorGoddard,thankyouforpostingmyoriginalsketches,andyourendlessenthusiasm.MyeditorSteveMockus,thanksforhelpingmeturnmysillydoodlesandgagsintosomethingspecial.ChronicledesignerNeilEgan,thankyouformakingthebooklookfantastic.SarahMarinoandmyOatleyAcademyclassmates,thanksforyouradvice,andboostingmyconfidenceintheprocess.Andfinally,thankstoeveryonewholikedmyart,emailedmemoviesuggestions,andsharedinthefunwhilemygoofydrawingsexplodedtheInternet.Thatwasfun.
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
AustinLightisawriter,illustrator,andmegageekwholivesandworksinCharlotte,NorthCarolina.Thisishisfirstbook.Seemoreofhisworkatwww.austindlight.comandwww.MovieTitleTypos.com