Mothers Death Research

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Personal Focus Paper

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Gregory Moody

Arizona State University

April 11, 1997

Running head : PERSONAL FOCUS PAPER


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Understanding My Mothers Death Anxiety

Introduction

The purpose of this paper is to review and interpret a personal experience I have had. For me it is

easy to select a topic - my Mothers death anxiety. This was an ongoing topic at home and I have struggled

to understand it. In the following pages I will examine her anxiety and discuss how I interpret the anxiety.

Then I will present research which pertains to the issue, and look at how the research relates to my

experiences.

Death in the Moody Household - ...since I wont be here next holiday...

Though I dont recall the first time my Mom talked about her death, I dont recall any time she

hasnt. Its not that she is always discussing death, its just that every holiday, when the family gets together,

she will review her latest burial plans, what my brothers (Joe) and my responsibilities are, and tell us that

...since she wont be here next holiday anyway... (where you can fill in any beginning, ending, and holiday

you want). She also would let us know that Dad would probably die soon by saying an indirect comment

about if something happens to your Dad.... When I was young, I assumed these thoughts were just due to

her increasing age, but my Dad let me know she had been that way for as long as he had known her (since

she was 20).

Repercussions of her death anxiety comes about in many ways. Lots of will preparation and re-

preparation. Buying that expensive airplane crash life insurance whenever she flew. Planning the flower

arrangement for her funeral. Sometimes, however, it would just be a very bad unexplained mood. I

wouldnt find out the cause for this until much later. When Mom neared 57, this happened more and more. I


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found out much later that both of her sisters had died when they were 57. She also has become

increasingly more religious during her life. I dont see her as understanding all of the religious aspects of

being Catholic, but it is clear that she wants to be a good Catholic and that she feels that going to church

a lot is a ticket to life after death.

As they have approached their senior years, it is understandable that this worry has increased in

my family. Dad now regularly goes over the latest doomsday plan for when he dies and Joe and I will

have to look over Mom. She is buying nursing home insurance. Joe talks about having quality time with

Dad. I too worry about the inevitable death of each of them, but I guess I have also heard so much of it my

whole life that I find myself not putting too much emotional energy into it. Its not a pleasant thought that I

am used to my parents death.

Discussion of the Experience

This experience has effected me in many ways and I have many opinions as to the cause of my

Moms behavior but first we must look at her family history, then my personal experience has context to

apply to the discussion.

Family History

My Moms family history has had a lot of death in it. Mom was the youngest of three daughters. Her

mother died when she was 13. I dont know if she ever really got to know her mother that well - I havent

heard much from her about my Grandmother. Certainly, her mothers death has had a major effect on her

attitude towards death. She became a nurse, and worked in the operating room at quite a few hospitals.

She must have seen a lot of pain and death in that environment. Though successful as a nurse, she

changed careers to teaching around the time when I was born. Right before I was born (2 months before),

my Grandfather died. In addition to having to deal with his death, Mom was very disappointed that he didnt


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get to see me. She always reminds me of the anniversary of his death. When her oldest sister turned 57,

she died. My Mom doesnt talk a lot about this, but it must have been really hard for her (her lack of

response in an indication that it is hard to think about). I knew my other aunt, Mary, but when I was 10, and

when she also was 57, she died. Having two sisters die at the same age was bad enough, but her death

anxiety was very apparent as she approached this age.

The birth timing and age of the family members is important to understand for this discussion. I was

born very late in my parents lives - my Mom was 40 and my Dad was 44. They had tried to have kids quite

a few times but had many miscarriages and a stillborn birth. I think everybody was suprised that I made it

out alive. My brother Joe was born when they were 23 and 27 respectively, so we are 17 years apart in

age. Through this circumstance, my parents are easily old enough to be my grandparents and my brother is

old enough to be my father. Now my parents are 71 and 75, and living in a retirement community.

Discussion

Since this personal experience was not an event, but a long list of family happenings, we needed

to know the appropriate background information before examination of these adventures. As far as my

reaction to the death discussions, I tired of it very quickly and both my brother and I now ignore Mom when

she talks about it. I never really understood why she was that way, I didnt think it was my place to ask. I

guess I assumed that she was born that way, or had chosen to be that way.

Now that this paper has forced me to examine the situation, it appears that I am able to remember

many events and times that might have been a cause for her to develop such feelings. This is a minor

revelation to me. I didnt want to think about it before, and now I can see how it may have happened. The

death of her family members might cause her to be worried she may be next (especially after your parent


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dies). This, I could guess, would be fairly natural. I think even the stillborn birth and miscarriage problem

would add to her anxiety and worry.

The death of her family members must have made her think about death a lot. I think at 13 I would

have had a lot to get over if she had died, so I shouldnt be suprised at her worry after her mom died. Her

sisters died at a relatively young age and at the same age. This must have contributed to her overall

attitude, and been exacerbated when she approached this age.

Based on all of this, I would assert that the primary causes of Moms death anxiety were the early

deaths of her family members. This is helpful for me in understanding my lifelong experience of dealing with

her death anxiety.

Pertinent Research

Though there are many aspects of my Mothers attitude shaped by her 70 years of personal

experiences that cannot be included here, I believe that the events listed above were the major contributing

factors in her present attitude. I have gathered some research regarding events and death anxiety and

some regarding behavior. Each article adds a component to our analysis and therefore, I will address each

one individually and summarize the specific details about the research that may be applicable.

Effects of Early Parental Death

Early parental death has been shown to have a significant effect of death anxiety. As illustrated in

figure 1, in a study by Denes-Raj and Erlichman (1991) cognitive life expectancy (their logical guess at

when they would die) was 7 years lower for a person who had one parent die than for a person with both

parents alive. More strikingly, peoples guess of life expectancy based on personal feelings (affective) was

15 years less than those who had living parents. There was very little difference between the groups


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regarding life expectancy for others, but the early parental death group both logically guessed (cognitive

life expectancy) and felt that they would die sooner than others.

Cog nit i ve Aff ect iv e Ot hers60

65

70

75

80

85

Cog nit i ve Aff ect iv e Ot hers

Figure 1: Projected Life Expectancy

Parents

Deceased

Parents

Alive

These subjects also reported worse health behavior such as heavy cigarette smoking, and unsatisfactory

diet patterns. Their fatalistic attitude toward life may create a self fulfilling prophecy and actually result in an

early death(Denes-Raj & Erlichman, 1991).

Effects of Still Born Children on a Family

Stillborn children bring up significant issues in a family. Shock, blame, guilt all add to the grief that

family members feel when losing a child. Irrational thoughts, feelings of momentary craziness, and

increased alcohol consumption are all common after a stillbirth. An autopsy and a funeral add to the list of

new experiences that a family may have to endure (though these can help family members recover). It

takes an average of about three years for a family to recover from this traumatic event that can be just as


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traumatic as loss of a child that wasnt stillborn. The family and individual will never be the same (De Frain,

Martens, Stork & Stork).

Death Education and Death Anxiety

Contrary to what one might believe, death education often increases death anxiety. In another

study, subjects that completed death education interventions reported higher levels of death anxiety than

those in a control group. This study looked at 62 outcome research investigations on death education and

used meta-analytic procedures to combine the results. This suggests that death education needs to be re-

evaluated and improved if it is desired to reduce (or at least not increase) anxiety surrounding death(Maglio

& Robinson, 1994).

Defense Mechanisms and Factors Involved in Death Anxiety

When an individual has a good deal of anxiety regarding death, they develop mechanisms to fight

against this anxiety. People accommodate to this through the withdrawal of energy and emotional

investment in life-affirming activities and avoidance of close relationships. Level of death anxiety is related

to the degree of self actualization and individuation. When a person is further developed in this way,

however, they may actually feel more pain regarding death because their life has become more meaningful

(Firestone, 1993).

Religiosity, Spirituality and Death Anxiety

One study asserts religion relates strongly to death anxiety in that the stronger the certainty about

life after death, the lower the anxiety about death. In addition this spiritual belief (as opposed to dogmatic

religious practice or religiosity) also results in greater level of satisfaction with life, and greater feelings of

purpose in life. This was the result of a comparison between the Templer Death Anxiety Scale (TDAS) and

the Spiritual Well Being Scale (SWBS) administered to 134 female and 74 male undergraduate college


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students. It is important to note that this study as well as others, found no significant relationship between

religiosity and death anxiety. The authors suggest that inconsistencies between research findings

attempting to relate religiosity and death anxiety may be explained by using the variable of spirituality (as

distinguished from religiosity). The study also found higher levels of death anxiety with females

(Rasmussen & Johnson, 1994).

Discussion and Application of Research to Personal Experience

These articles relate to my experience in many ways. The first two help explain death anxiety

related to two of the events that have shaped my Moms life. The next ones support different aspects of the

manifestation of the problem.

Two significant events that have happened to my Mom are her mothers death, and having a

stillborn child. The first article presented clearly describes an possible effect my Grandmothers death had

on my Mom. In addition to an early parental death causing one to feel that they will die early, it also

described poor health behaviors that my Mom exhibits (smoking and eating too much). This surely affected

my Mom in a similar fashion.

Until examining some of the research about stillbirth, I had never considered the effect it may have

had on my family. The research doesnt examine death anxiety change after stillbirth of a child, but it does

suggest significant trauma as a result. Many people consider suicide, think many irrational thoughts and

have a long process (sometimes never-ending) of recovery(De Frain, Martens, Stork & Stork). I would

assert that this traumatic event might have had an effect on how my mom looked at death - both others

death around her and her own. This event added one more death to the list of unexpected deaths she had

to deal with and the research (as well as my own experience with her) suggests that it was very important

and may contribute to her feelings today.


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I included the article on death education because I thought that maybe if Mom was educated more

about death it might help her. The research points out quite the contrary. In fact this makes perfect sense

now that she lives in a retirement community, she sees death all the time (as well as a lot of instant re-

marriage - but thats for another paper). I think it is both educational and worrisome. In fact I think I ponder

death more myself due to hearing about all of the funerals they go to. I think it would be a good idea to

improve death education (as it suggests in the article), however, so the people in these communities may

benefit and live their later years as fully as possible.

Both of the last two articles deal with a persons developmental level and personal stage of

development. In the Firestone (1993) article, it indicates that greater level of self actualization decreases

death anxiety, while in the Rasmussen and Johnson (1994) research, we find that belief in life after death

decreases anxiety. These two factors - self actualization and belief in life after death - are very pertinent in

Moms life. She has, from an early age, been taken care of by a lot of people (due to her losing her mother).

Ironically, I think this has served to curb her own personal development and independence. She has always

been very dependent on my Dad even though she is very capable in many areas. Therefore, I would say

that her level of death anxiety is contributed to by this low relative level of self actualization. As far as

religion goes, as I noted before, I think she goes to be a good catholic, but doesnt understand the spiritual

side. Based on the information, the way in which she is religious may not contribute to reduction of her

death anxiety(i.e. religion doesnt support her here). While I feel that she would like it to reduce her anxiety,

I dont know if she has developed a firm enough belief in the religious ideas for it to help.

Conclusion

There are numerous research articles that support the idea that my Moms life before I was born

had circumstances that supply ample reasons for her to develop a degree of death anxiety. Her mothers


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death, the stillbirth, her family life and environment all are factors here. While I have been frustrated hearing

about her death my whole life, much of the findings uncovered results that suprised me. I didnt realize the

effects of a still birth, nor did I imagine that early parental death may correlate to poor health behaviors

(which fit my Mom perfectly). Therefore in addition to some fairly intuitive and expected findings regarding

death anxiety, we have a lot of other information about it that helps me have a better understanding of my

Mother. This is personally valuable to me because prior to doing this research, I had no idea that there

might be reasons for her to feel the way she does, I thought she was just born that way - worried about

death from the time of conception. It is good to know this may not be true.


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References

Firestone, R.W., (1993). Individual Defenses Against Death Anxiety. Death Studies, 17, 497-515.

Maglio, C.J. & Robinson, S.E. (1994). The Effects of Death Education on Death Anxiety: A Meta

Analysis. Omega, 29(4), 319-335.

Rasmussen, C.H. & Johnson, M.E., (1994) Spirituality and Religiosity: Relative Relationships to

Death Anxiety . Omega, 29(4), 313-318.

Denes-Raj, V. & Ehrlichman, H., (1991) Effects of Premature Parental Death on Subjective Life

Expectancy, Death Anxiety, and Health Behavior. Omega, 23(4), 309-321.

De Frain, J., Martens, L., Stork, J. & Stork, W., (1990) The Psychological Effects of a Stillbirth on

Surviving Family Members. Omega, 22(2), 81-106.

Documents

Mothers Death Research