8/6/2019 More Right Wing Tales by Right Wing News

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More Right Wing Tales by RightWingNews

Are you sick and tired of those "conservative" fairy tales? Are you an American liberal or someone from Europe who

thinks those fairy tales teach values that no longer need to be promoted in today's world? Well, RWN is coming to

your rescue with our "Politically Correct Fairy Tales!"

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Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel were lost in the woods when they came upon a house made of candy and cake. An old witch

invited them in and then captured both of them intending to eat them. Gretel had a chance save both of them by

pushing the old woman in an oven but she decided that it would be wrong not to respect the witch's cultural traditions.

So Gretel and her brother allowed themselves to be cooked and eaten. The witch was so happy with the children'sactions that she invited all of her witch friends to the area. Soon thereafter, they ate every child in a hundred mile

radius. Soon the whole area was filled with nothing but child eating witches and all the witches were very happy!

The Moral of the Story: You must respect the culture of others, even at your own expense!

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Fisherman and the Fish

An old man finds a fish. The fish says "Let me go, old man. I will reward you for my freedom by giving you anything

you desire". The old man at the behest of his wife makes wish after wish. Finally, the fish decides the old man and his

wife are being too greedy and takes everything he gave them away. Then the man and his wife hire Johnny Cochran

and sue the federal government for not having federal regulations in place to prevent wishing fish from unfairly taking

away previously given magical spoils. The judge ruled in their favor and they were both given 500 million dollars

worth of taxpayer funds with which they lived happily ever after.

The Moral of the Story: It's the federal government's responsibility to fix every bad thing that happens in the

world.

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The Three Billy-Goats Gruff

The first and second billy goat gruffs were stopped from going across a bridge to get food by a troll. Then the biggest

and baddest billy goat gruff showed up. He told the troll he was going to kick his @ ss. That greatly upset the first and

second of the billy goats gruff who accused the third billy goat gruff of "hegemony" and "imperialism" and said that

negotiation was the way to go. So the third billy goat gruff went away. Unfortunately, the troll refused to negotiate and

first two billy goats gruff starved to death.

8/6/2019 More Right Wing Tales by Right Wing News

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The Moral of the Story:It's better to starve to death than to fight!

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The Three Little Pigs

There were once three little pigs. The first little pig built his house out of straw. But the big bad wolf easily knocked it

down. Then he ran to the 2nd pig's house which was made out of sticks. But the wolf came there and knocked it

down too. Then both pigs ran to the American pig's house which was made out brick. When the wolf came there, the

American pig pulled out a gun and blew his stinking head off. Afterwards, both little pigs who lost their houses started

building their houses out of straw again. When the American pig asked them why they accused the American of being

an "arrogant jerk" and of "acting unilaterally". But they secretly knew the American would always save them, just like

he did in WW1 and WW2 so they could afford not to be prepared.

The Moral of the Story: Even though Americans are helpful, they're real creeps!

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The Ants and the Grasshopper

All summer long the ants worked and prepared for the winter while the grasshopper went to Rage Against the

Machine concerts and played Everquest. The grasshopper laughed and laughed at the ants for working so hard.

Then winter came. The ants had plenty of food and shelter while the grasshopper had none. So the government took

the ants tax money and built the grasshopper a house, gave him welfare cheese to eat, and paid for courses at the

local university that the grasshopper didn't bother to go to. When the ants complained everyone agreed that they

were greedy rich jerks for having more than the grasshopper.

The Moral of the Story: Taking money from people who work hard and giving it to the lazy is compassionate!

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