Monsieur, Madame, and Bebe — Volume 03 by Droz, Gustave, 1832-1895

8/14/2019 Monsieur, Madame, and Bebe Volume 03 by Droz, Gustave, 1832-1895

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MONSIEUR,MADAMEANDBEBE

ByGUSTAVEDROZ

BOOK3.

CHAPTERXX

THEHOT-WATERBOTTLE

Whenmidnightstrikes,whentheembersdieawayintoashes,whenthelampburnsmorefeeblyandyoureyescloseinspiteofyourself,thebestthingtodo,dearMadame,istogotobed.

Getupfromyourarmchair,takeoffyourbracelets,lightyourrosecoloredtaper,andproceedslowly,tothesoftaccompanimentofyourtrailingskirt,rustlingacrossthecarpet,toyourdressing-room,thatperfumedsanctuaryinwhichyourbeauty,knowingitselftobealone,raisesitsveils,indulgesinself-examination,revelsinitselfandreckonsupitstreasuresasamiserdoeshiswealth.

Beforethemuslin-framedmirror,whichrevealsallthatitseessowell,youpausecarelesslyandwithasmilegiveonelongsatisfiedlook,thenwithtwofingersyouwithdrawthepinthatkeptupyourhair,anditslong,fairtressesunrollandfallinwaves,veilingyourbareshoulders.Withacoquettishhand,thelittlefingerofwhichisturnedup,youcaress,asyougatherthemtogether,thegoldenfloodofyourabundantlocks,whilewiththeotheryoupassthroughthemthetortoiseshellcombthatburiesitselfinthedepthsofthisfairforestandbendswiththeeffort.


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Yourtressesaresoabundantthatyourlittlehandcanscarcelygraspthem.Theyaresolongthatyouroutstretchedarmscarcelyreachestheirextremity.Henceitisnotwithoutdifficultythatyoumanagetotwistthemupandimprisontheminyourembroiderednight-cap.

Thisfirstdutyaccomplished,youturnthesilvertap,andthepureandlimpidwaterpoursintoalargebowlofenamelledporcelain.Youthrowinafewdropsofthatfluidwhichperfumesandsoftenstheskin,andlikeanymphinthedepthsofaquietwoodpreparingforthetoilet,youremovethedraperythatmightencumberyou.

Butwhat,Madame,youfrown?HaveIsaidtoomuchornotenough?Isitnotwellknownthatyoulovecoldwater;anddoyouthinkitisnotguessedthatatthecontactofthedrippingspongeyouquiverfromheadtofoot?

Butwhatmattersit,yourtoiletteforthenightiscompleted,youarefresh,restored,andwhiteasanuninyourembroidereddressing-gown,youdartyourbarefeetintosatinslippersandreenteryourbedroom,shiveringslightly.Toseeyouwalkingthuswithhurriedsteps,wrappedtightlyinyourdressing-gown,andwithyourprettyheadhiddeninitsnightcap,youmightbetakenforalittlegirlleavingtheconfessionalafterconfessingsometerriblesin.

Gainingthebedside,Madamelaysasideherslippers,andlightlyandwithouteffort,boundsintothedepthsofthealcove.

However,Monsieur,whowasalreadyasleepwithhisnoseontheMoniteur,suddenlywakesupatthemovementimpartedtothebed.

"Ithoughtthatyouwereinbedalready,dear,"hemurmurs,fallingofftosleepagain."Good-night."

"IfIhadbeeninbedyouwouldhavenoticedit."Madamestretchesoutherfeetandmovesthemabout;sheseemstobeinquestofsomething."Iamnotinsuchahurrytogotosleepasyouare,thankgoodness."

Monsieur,suddenlyandevidentlyannoyed,says:"Butwhatisthematter,mydear?Youfidgetandfidget--Iwanttosleep."Heturnsoverashespeaks.

"Ifidget!Iamsimplyfeelingformyhot-waterbottle;youareirritating."

"Yourhot-waterbottle?"isMonsieur'sreply,withagrunt.

"Certainly,myhot-waterbottle,myfeetarefrozen."Shegoesonfeelingforit."Youarereallyveryamiablethisevening;youbeganbydozingoverthe'RevuedesDeuxMondes',andIfindyousnoringoverthe'Moniteur'.InyourplaceIshouldvarymyliterature.Iamsureyou

havetakenmyhot-waterbottle."

"Ihavebeendoingwrong.Iwillsubscribetothe'Tintamarre'infuture.Come,good-night,mydear."Heturnsover."Hello,yourhot-waterbottleisrightatthebottomofthebed;Icanfeelitwiththetipsofmytoes."

"Well,pushitup;doyouthinkthatIcandivedownthereafterit?"

"ShallIringforyourmaidtohelpyou?"Hemakesamovementofill-


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temper,pullstheclothesuptohischin,andburieshisheadinthepillow."Goodnight,mydear."

Madame,somewhatvexed,says:"Good-night,goodnight."

TherespirationofMonsieurgrowssmooth,andevenhisbrowsrelax,hisforeheadbecomescalm,heisonthepointoflosingallconsciousnessoftherealitiesofthislife.

Madametapslightlyonherhusband'sshoulder.

"Hum,"growlsMonsieur.

Madametapsagain.

"Well,whatisit?"

Madame,inanangelictoneofvoice,"Mydear,wouldyouputoutthecandle?"

Monsieur,withoutopeninghiseyes,"Thehot-waterbottle,thecandle,thecandle,thehot-waterbottle."

"Goodheavens!howirritableyouare,Oscar.Iwillputitoutmyself.

Don'ttroubleyourself.Youreallyhaveaverybadtemper,mydear;youareangry,andifyouweregoadedalittle,youwould,infiveminutes,becapableofanything."

Monsieur,hisvoicesmotheredinthepillow,"No,notatall;Iamsleepy,dear,thatisall.Good-night,mydear."

Madame,briskly,"Youforgetthatindomesticlifegoodfeelinghasforitsbasisreciprocalconsideration."

"Iwaswrong--come,good-night."Heraiseshimselfupalittle."Wouldyoulikemetokissyou?"

"Idon'twantyouto,butIpermit."Sheputsherfacetowardthatofherhusband,whokissesherontheforehead."Youarereallytoogood,youhavekissedmynightcap."

Monsieur,smiling,"Yourhairsmellsverynice...YouseeIamsosleepy.Ah!youhaveitinlittleplaits,youaregoingtowaveitto-morrow."

"Towaveit.Youwerethefirsttofindthatthatwayofdressingitbecameme,besides,itisthefashion,andtomorrowismyreceptionday.Come,youirritableman,embracemeonceforallandsnoreatyourease,youaredyingtodoso."

Sheholdshernecktowardherhusband.

Monsieur,laughing,"Inthefirstplace,Ineversnore.Ineverjoke."Hekisseshiswife'sneck,andrestshisheadonhershoulder.

"Well,whatareyoudoingthere?"isherremark.

"Iamdigestingmykiss."

Madameaffectsthelackadaisical,andlookssidewiseatherhusbandwith


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aneyehalfdisarmed.Monsieursniffsthelovedperfumewithopennostrils.

Afteraperiodofsilencehewhispersinhiswife'sear,"Iamnotatallsleepynow,dear.Areyourfeetstillcold?Iwillfindthehot-waterbottle."

"Oh,thanks,putoutthelightandletusgotosleep;Iamquitetiredout."

Sheturnsroundbyrestingherarmonhisface.

"No,no,Iwon'thaveyougotosleepwithyourfeetchilled;thereisnothingworse.There,thereisthehot-waterbottle,warmyourpoorlittlefeet...there...likethat."

"Thanks,Iamverycomfortable.Good-night,dear,letusgotosleep."

"Good-night,mydear."

AfteralongsilenceMonsieurturnsfirstononesideandthenontheother,andendsbytappinglightlyonhiswife'sshoulder.

Madame,startled,"Whatisthematter?Goodheavens!howyoustartled

me!"

Monsieur,smiling,"Wouldyoubekindenoughtoputoutthecandle?"

"What!isitforthatyouwakemeupinthemiddleofmysleep?Ishallnotbeabletodozeagain.Youareunbearable."

"Youfindmeunbearable?"Hecomesquiteclosetohiswife;"Come,letmeexplainmyideatoyou."

Madameturnsround--hereyemeetstheeye...fullofsoftness..ofherhusband."Dearme,"shesays,"youareaperfecttiger."

Then,puttinghermouthtohisear,shemurmurswithasmile,"Come,explainyouridea,forthesakeofpeaceandquiet."

Madame,afteraverylongsilence,andhalfasleep,"Oscar!"

Monsieur,hiseyesclosed,inafaintvoice,"Mydear."

"Howaboutthecandle?itisstillalight."

"Ah!thecandle.Iwillputitout.Ifyouwereveryniceyouwouldgivemeashareofyourhot-waterbottle;oneofmyfeetisfrozen.Good-night."

"Good-night."

Theyclasphandsandfallasleep.

CHAPTERXXI

ALONGING


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MONSIEURandMADAMEarequietlysittingtogether--Theclockhasjuststruckten--MONSIEURisinhisdressing-gownandslippers,isleaningbackinanarmchairandreadingthenewspaper--MADAMEiscarelesslyworkingsquaresoflaces.

Madame--Suchthingshavetakenplace,havetheynot,dear?

Monsieur--(withoutraisinghiseyes)--Yes,mydear.

Madame--There,wellIshouldneverhavebelievedit.Buttheyaremonstrous,aretheynot?

Monsieur--(withoutraisinghiseyes)--Yes,mydear.

Madame--Well,andyet,seehowstrangeitis,Louiseacknowledgedittomelastmonth,youknow;theeveningshecalledformetogototheperpetualAdoration,andourhourofadoration,asitturnedout,bytheway,wasfromsixtoseven;impossible,too,tochangeourturn;noneoftheladiescaringtoadoreduringdinner-time,asisnaturalenough.Goodheavens,whataragewewerein!HowgoodGodmustbetohaveforgivenyou.Doyouremember?

Monsieur--(continuingtoread)--Yes,dear.

Madame--Ah!yourememberthatyousaid,'Idon'tcarea...'Oh!butIwon'trepeatwhatyousaid,itistoonaughty.Howangryyouwere!'Iwillgoanddineattherestaurant,confoundit!'Butyoudidnotsayconfound,ha!ha!ha!Well,Ilovedyoujustthesameatthatmoment;itvexedmetoseeyouinarageonGod'saccount,butformyownpartIwaspleased;Iliketoseeyouinafury;yournostrilsexpand,andthenyourmoustachebristles,youputmeinmindofalion,andIhavealwayslikedlions.WhenIwasquiteachildattheZoologicalGardenstheycouldnotgetmeawayfromthem;Ithrewallmysousintotheircageforthemtobuygingerbreadwith;itwasquiteapassion.Well,tocontinuemystory.(Shelookstowardherhusbandwhoisstillreading,andafterapause,)Isitinteresting-thatwhichyouarereading?

Monsieur--(likeamanwakingup)--Whatisit,mydearchild?WhatIamreading?Oh,itwouldscarcelyinterestyou.(Withagrimace.)ThereareLatinphrases,youknow,and,besides,Iamhoarse.ButIamlistening,go,on.(Heresumeshisnewspaper.)

Madame--Well,toreturntotheperpetualAdoration,Louiseconfidedtome,underthepledgeofsecrecy,thatshewaslikeme.

Monsieur--Likeyou?Whatdoyoumean?

Madame--Likeme;thatisplainenough.

Monsieur--Youaretalkingnonsense,mylittleangel,folliesasgreatasyourchignon.Youwomenwillendbyputtingpillowsintoyourchignons.

Madame--(restingherelbowsonherhusband'sknees)--But,afterall,theinstincts,theresemblanceswehave,mustcertainlybeattributedtosomething.Cananyoneimagine,forinstance,thatGodmadeyourcousinasstupidasheis,andwithaheadlikeapear?

Monsieur--Mycousin!mycousin!Ferdinandisonlyacousinbymarriage.Igrant,however,thatheisnotverybright.


12/54

Madame--Well,Iamsurethathismothermusthavehadalonging,orsomething.

Monsieur--WhatcanIdotohelpit,myangel?

Madame--Nothingatall;butitclearlyshowsthatsuchthingsarenottobelaughedat;andifIweretotellyouthatIhadalonging--

Monsieur--(lettingfallhisnewspaper)--Thedevil!alongingforwhat?

Madame--Ah!thereyournostrilsaredilating;youaregoingtoresemblealionagain,andInevershalldaretotellyou.Itissoextraordinary,andyetmymotherhadexactlythesamelonging.

Monsieur--Come,tellitme,youseethatIampatient.Ifitispossibletogratifyit,youknowthatIloveyou,my...Don'tkissmeontheneck;youwillmakemejumpuptotheceiling,mydarling.

Madame--Repeatthosetwolittlewords.Iamyourdarling,then?

Monsieur--Ha!ha!ha!Shehaslittlefingerswhich--ha!ha!--gointoyourneck--ha!ha!--youwillmakemebreaksomething,nervousasIam.

Madame--Well,breaksomething.Ifonemaynottouchone'shusband,onemayaswellgointoaconventatonce.(SheputsherlipstoMONSIEUR'Searandcoquettishlypullstheendofhismoustache.)IshallnotbehappytillIhavewhatIamlongingfor,andthenitwouldbesokindofyoutodoit.

Monsieur--Kindtodowhat?Come,dear,explainyourself.

Madame--Youmustfirstofalltakeoffthatgreat,uglydressing-gown,pullonyourboots,putonyourhatandgo.Oh,don'tmakeanyfaces;ifyougrumbleintheleastallthemeritofyourdevotednesswilldisappear...andgotothegrocer'satthecornerofthestreet,

averyrespectableshop.

Monsieur--Tothegrocer'satteno'clockatnight!Areyoumad?IwillringforJohn;itishisbusiness.

Madame(stayinghishand)Youindiscreetman.Theseareourownprivateaffairs;wemustnottakeanyoneintoourconfidence.Iwillgointoyourdressing-roomtogetyourthings,andyouwillputyourbootsonbeforethefirecomfortably...topleaseme,Alfred,mylove,mylife.Iwouldgivemylittlefingertohave...

Monsieur--Tohavewhat,hangitall,what,what,what?

Madame--(herfacealightandfixinghereyesonhim)--Iwantasou'sworthofpaste.Hadnotyouguessedit?

Monsieur--Butitismadness,delirium,fol--

Madame--Isaidpaste,dearest;onlyasou'sworth,wrappedinstrongpaper.

Monsieur--No,no.Iamkind-hearted,butIshouldreproachmyself--


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Madame--(closinghismouthwithherlittlehands)--Oh,notaword;youaregoingtouttersomethingnaughty.ButwhenItellyouthatIhaveamadlongingforit,thatIloveyouasIhaveneverlovedyouyet,thatmymotherhadthesamedesire--Oh!mypoormother(sheweepsinherhands),ifshecouldonlyknow,ifshewerenotattheotherendofFrance.Youhavenevercaredformyparents;Isawthatverywellonourwedding-day,and(shesobs)itwillbethesorrowofmywholelife.

Monsieur--(freeinghimselfandsuddenlyrising)--Givememyboots.

Madame--(witheffusion)--Oh,thanks,Alfred,mylove,youaregood,yes,youaregood.Willyouhaveyourwalking-stick,dear?

Monsieur--Idon'tcare.Howmuchdoyouwantofthatabomination--afranc'sworth,thirtysous'worth,alouis'worth?

Madame--YouknowverywellthatIwouldnotmakeanabuseofit-onlyasou'sworth.Ihavesomesousformass;here,takeone.Adieu,Alfred;bequick;bequick!

(ExitMONSIEUR.)

Leftalone,MadamewaftsakissinhermosttenderfashiontowardthedoorMonsieurhasjustclosedbehindhim,thengoestowardtheglassand

smilesatherselfwithpleasure.Thenshelightsthewaxcandleinalittlecandlestick,andquietlymakesherwaytothekitchen,noiselesslyopensapress,takesoutthreelittledessertplates,borderedwithgoldandornamentedwithherinitials,nexttakesfromaboxlinedwithwhiteleather,twosilverspoons,and,somewhatembarrassedbyallthisluggage,returnstoherbedroom.

Thenshepokesthefire,drawsalittlebuhltablecloseuptothehearth,spreadsawhitecloth,setsouttheplates,putsthespoonsbythem,andenchanted,impatient,withflushedcomplexion,leansbackinanarmchair.Herlittlefootrapidlytapsthefloor,shesmiles,pouts--sheiswaiting.

Atlast,afteranintervalofsomeminutes,theouterdoorisheardtoclose,rapidstepscrossthedrawingroom,MadameclapsherhandsandMonsieurcomesin.Hedoesnotlookverypleased,asheadvancesholdingawkwardlyinhislefthandaflattenedparcel,thecontentsofwhichmaybeguessed.

Madame--(touchingagold-borderedplateandholdingitouttoherhusband)--Relieveyourselfofit,dear.Couldyounothavebeenquicker?

Monsieur--Quicker?

Madame--Oh!Iamnotangrywithyou,thatisnotmeantforareproach,youareanangel;butitseemstomeacenturysinceyoustarted.

Monsieur--Themanwasjustgoingtoshuthisshopup.Myglovesarecoveredwithit...it'ssticky...it'shorrid,pah!theabomination!AtlastIshallhavepeaceandquietness.

Madame--Oh!noharshwords,theyhurtmeso.Butlookatthisprettylittletable,doyourememberhowwesuppedbythefireside?Ah!youhaveforgottenit,aman'shearthasnomemory.

Monsieur--AreyousomadastoimaginethatIamgoingtotouchit?Oh!


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indeed!thatiscarrying--

Madame--(sadly)--SeewhatastateyougetinoveralittlefavorIaskofyou.Ifinordertopleasemeyouweretoovercomeaslightrepugnance,ifyouwerejusttotouchthisnice,whitejellywithyoulips,wherewouldbetheharm?

Monsieur--Theharm!theharm!itwouldberidiculous.Never.

Madame--Thatisthereason?"Itwouldbeabsurd."Itisnotfromdisgust,forthereisnothingdisgustingthere,itisflourandwater,nothingmore.Itisnotthenfromadislike,butoutofpridethatyourefuse?

Monsieur--(shrugginghisshoulders)--Whatyousayischildish,puerile,silly.Idonotcaretoanswerit.

Madame--Andwhatyousayisneithergenerousnorworthyofyou,sinceyouabuseyoursuperiority.Youseemeatyourfeetpleadingforaninsignificantthing,puerile,childish,foolish,perhaps,butonewhichwouldgivemepleasure,andyouthinkitheroicnottoyield.Doyouwantmetospeakout,well?then,youmenareunfeeling.

Monsieur--Never.

Madame--Why,youadmittedittomeyourselfonenight,onthePontdesArts,aswewerewalkinghomefromthetheatre.

Monsieur--Afterall,thereisnogreatharminthat.

Madame--(sadly)--Iamnotangrywithyou,thissternnessispartofyournature,youarearodofiron.

Monsieur--Ihavesomeenergywhenitisneeded,Igrantyou,butIhavenottheabsurdprideyouimagine,andthere(hedipshisfingerinthepasteandcarriesittohislips),istheproof,youspoiltchild.Areyousatisfied?Ithasnotaste,itisinsipid.

Madame--Youwerepretending.

Monsieur--Isweartoyou...

Madame(takingalittlesoon,fillingitwithherpreciouspasteandholdingittoherhusband'slips)--Iwanttoseethefaceyouwillmake,love.

Monsieur--(Putsouthislips,burieshistwofrontteeth,withmarkeddisgust,inthepaste,makesahorriblefaceandspitsintothefireplace)--Eugh.

Madame--(stillholdingthespoonandwithmuchinterest)Well?

Monsieur--Well!itisawful!oh!awful!tasteit.

Madame--(dreamilystirringthepastewiththespoon,herlittlefingerintheair)--Ishouldneverhavebelievedthatitwassonasty.

Monsieur--Youwillsoonseeforyourself,tasteit,tasteit.

Madame--Iaminnohurry,Ihaveplentyoftime.


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Monsieur--Toseewhatitislike.Tastealittle,come.

Madame--(pushingawaytheplatewithalookofhorror)--Oh!howyouworryme.Bequiet,do;foratrifleIcouldhateyou.Itisdisgusting,thispasteofyours!

CHAPTERXXII

FAMILYLIFE

Itwastheeveningofthe15thofFebruary.Itwasdreadfullycold.Thesnowdroveagainstthewindowsandthewindwhistledfuriouslyunderthedoors.Mytwoaunts,seatedatatableinonecornerofthedrawing-room,gaveventfromtimetotimetodeepsighs,and,wrigglingintheirarmchairs,keptcastinguneasyglancestowardthebedroomdoor.Oneofthemhadtakenfromalittleleatherbagplacedonthetableherblessedrosaryandwasrepeatingherprayers,whilehersisterwasreadingavolumeofVoltaire'scorrespondencewhichsheheldatadistancefromhereyes,herlipsmovingassheperusedit.

Formyownpart,Iwasstridingupanddowntheroom,gnawingmymoustache,abadhabitIhaveneverbeenabletogetridof,andhaltingfromtimetotimeinfrontofDr.C.,anoldfriendofmine,whowasquietlyreadingthepaperinthemostcomfortableofthearmchairs.Idarednotdisturbhim,soabsorbeddidheseeminwhathewasreading,butinmyheartIwasfurioustoseehimsoquietwhenImyselfwassoagitated.

Suddenlyhetossedthepaperontothecouchand,passinghishandacrosshisbaldandshininghead,said:

"Ah!ifIwereaminister,itwouldnottakelong,no,itwouldnotbeverylong....YouhavereadthatarticleonAlgeriancotton.One

oftwothings,eitherirrigation....Butyouarenotlisteningtome,andyetitisamoreseriousmatterthanyouthink."

Herose,andwithhishandsinhispocket,walkedacrosstheroomhumminganoldmedicalstudent'ssong.Ifollowedhimclosely.

"Jacques,"saidI,asheturnedround,"tellmefrankly,areyousatisfied?"

"Yes,yes,Iamsatisfied...observemyuntroubledlook,"andhebrokeintohisheartyandsomewhatnoisylaugh.

"Youarenothidinganythingfromme,mydearfellow?"

"Whatadonkeyyouare,oldfellow.Itellyouthateverythingisgoingonwell."

Andheresumedhissong,jinglingthemoneyinhispockets.

"Allisgoingonwell,butitwilltakesometime,"hewenton."Letmehaveoneofyourdressing-gowns.Ishallbemorecomfortableforthenight,andtheseladieswillexcuseme,willtheynot?"


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"Excuseyou,Ishouldthinkso,you,thedoctor,andmyfriend!"Ifeltdevotedlyattachedtohimthatevening.

"Well,then,iftheywillexcuseme,youcanverywellletmehaveapairofslippers."

Atthismomentacrycamefromthenextroomandwedistinctlyheardthesewordsinastifledvoice:

"Doctor...oh!monDieu!...doctor!"

"Itisfrightful,"murmuredmyaunts.

"Mydearfriend,"Iexclaimed,seizingthedoctor'sarm,"youarequitesureyouarenotconcealinganythingfromme?"

"Ifyouhaveaveryloosepairtheywillsuitmebest;Ihavenotthefootofayounggirl....Iamnotconcealinganything,Iamnotconcealinganything....WhatdoyouthinkIshouldhidefromyou?Itisallgoingonverywell,onlyasIsaiditwilltaketime--Bytheway,tellJosephtogetmeoneofyoursmokingcaps;onceindressing-gownandslippersasmokingcapisnotoutoftheway,andIamgettingbald,mydearCaptain.Howinfernallycolditishere!Thesewindowsfacethenorth,andtherearenosand-bags.MademoiselledeV.,"headded,

turningtomyaunt,"youwillcatchcold."

Thenasothersoundswereheard,hesaid:"Letusgoandseethelittlelady."

"Comehere,"saidmywife,whohadcaughtsightofme,inalowvoice,"comehereandshakehandswithme."Thenshedrewmetowardherandwhisperedinmyear:"Youwillbepleasedtokissthelittledarling,won'tyou?"Hervoicewassofaintandsotenderasshesaidthis,andsheadded:"Donottakeyourhandaway,itgivesmecourage."

Iremainedbesideher,therefore,whilethedoctor,whohadputonmydressing-gown,vainlystrovetobuttonit.

Fromtimetotimemypoorlittlewifesqueezedmyhandviolently,closinghereyes,butnotutteringacry.Thefiresparkledonthehearth.Thependulumoftheclockwentonwithitsmonotonousticking,butitseemedtomethatallthiscalmwasonlyapparent,thateverythingaboutmemustbeinastateofexpectationlikemyselfandsharingmyemotion.Inthebedroombeyond,thedoorofwhichwasajar,Icouldseetheendofthecradleandtheshadowofthenursewhowasdozingwhileshewaited.

WhatIfeltwassomethingstrange.Ifeltanewsentimentspringingupinmyheart,Iseemedtohavesomeforeignbodywithinmybreast,andthissweetsensationwassonewtomethatIwas,asitwere,alarmedatit.Ifeltthelittlecreature,whowastherewithoutyetbeingthere,

clingingtome;hiswholelifeunrolleditselfbeforeme.Isawhimatthesametimeachildandagrown-upman;itseemedtomethatmyownlifewasabouttoberenewedinhisandIfeltfromtimetotimeanirresistibleneedofgivinghimsomethingofmyself.

Towardhalf-pasteleven,thedoctor,likeacaptainconsultinghiscompass,pulledouthiswatch,mutteredsomethinganddrewnearthebed.

"Come,mydearlady,"saidhetomywife,"courage,weareallroundyouandallisgoingwell;withinfiveminutesyouwillhearhimcryout."


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Mymother-in-law,almostbesideherself,wasbitingherlipsandeachpangofthesuffererwasreflecteduponherface.Hercaphadgotdisarrangedinsuchasingularfashionthat,underanyothercircumstances,Ishouldhaveburstoutlaughing.AtthatmomentIheardthedrawing-roomdooropenandsawtheheadsofmyaunts,oneabovetheother,andbehindthemthatofmyfather,whowastwistinghisheavywhitemoustachewithagrimacethatwascustomarytohim.

"Shutthedoor,"criedthedoctor,angrily,"don'tbotherme."

Andwiththegreatestcoolnessintheworldheturnedtomymother-in-lawandadded,"Iaskathousandpardons."

Butjustthentherewassomethingelsetothinkofthanmyoldfriend'sbluntness.

"Iseverythingreadytoreceivehim?"hecontinued,growling.

"Yes,mydeardoctor,"repliedmymother-in-law.

Atlength,thedoctorliftedintotheairalittleobjectwhichalmostimmediatelyutteredacryaspiercingasaneedle.Ishallneverforgettheimpressionproducedonmebythispoorlittlething,makingits

appearancethus,allofasudden,inthemiddleofthefamily.Wehadthoughtanddreamedofit;Ihadseenhiminmymind'seye,mydarlingchild,playingwithahoop,pullingmymoustache,tryingtowalk,orgorginghimselfwithmilkinhisnurse'sarmslikeagluttonouslittlekitten;butIhadneverpicturedhimtomyself,inanimate,almostlifeless,quitetiny,wrinkled,hairless,grinning,andyet,charming,adorable,andbelovedinspiteofall-poor,ugly,littlething.Itwasastrangeimpression,andsosingularthatitisimpossibletounderstandit,withouthavingexperiencedit.

"Whatluckyouhave!"saidthedoctor,holdingthechildtowardme;"itisaboy."

"Aboy!"

"Andafineone."

"Really,aboy!"

Thatwasamatterofindifferencetomenow.Whatwascausingmeindescribableemotionwasthelivingproofofpaternity,thislittlebeingwhowasmyown.Ifeltstupefiedinpresenceofthegreatmysteryofchildbirth.Mywifewasthere,fainting,overcame,andthelittlelivingcreature,myownflesh,myownblood,wassquallingandgesticulatinginthehandsofJacques.Iwasoverwhelmed,likeaworkmanwhohadunconsciouslyproducedamasterpiece.Ifeltmyselfquitesmall

inpresenceofthisquiveringpieceofmyownhandiwork,and,frankly,alittlebitashamedofhavingmadeitsowellalmostwithouttroublingaboutit.Icannotundertaketoexplainallthis,Imerelyrelatemyimpressions.

Mymother-in-lawheldoutherapronandthedoctorplacedthechildonhisgrandmother'sknees,saying:"Come,littlesavage,trynottobeanyworsethanyourrascalofafather.Nowforfiveminutesofemotion.Come,Captain,embraceme."


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Wedidsoheartily.Thedoctor'slittleblackeyestwinkledmorebrightlythanusual;Isawverywellthathewasmoved.

"Diditmakeyoufeelqueer,Captain?Imeanthecry?Ah!Iknowit,itislikeaneedlethroughtheheart....Whereisthenurse?Ah!heresheis.Nomatter,heisafineboy,yourlittlelancer.Openthedoorfortheprisonersinthedrawing-room."

Iopenedthedoor.Everyonewaslisteningontheothersideofit.Myfather,mytwoaunts,stillholdingintheirhands,oneherrosaryandtheotherherVoltaire,myownnurse,pooroldwoman,whohadcomeinacab.

"Well,"theyexclaimedanxiously,"well?"

"Itisallover,itisaboy;goin,heisthere."

YoucannotimaginehowhappyIwastoseeonalltheirfacesthereflectionofmyownemotion.Theyembracedmeandshookhandswithme,andIrespondedtoallthesemarksofaffectionwithoutexactlyknowingwheretheycamefrom.

"Damnitall!"mutteredmyfather,inmyear,holdingmeinhisarms,withhisstickstillinhishandandhishatonhishead,"Damnitall!"

Buthecouldnotfinish,howeverbravehemightwishtoappear;abigtearwasglitteringatthetipofhisnose.Hemuttered"Hum!"underhismoustacheandfinallyburstintotearsonmyshoulder,saying:"Icannothelpit."

AndIdidlikewise--Icouldnothelpiteither.

However,everybodywasflockingroundthegrandmamma,wholiftedupacornerofherapronandsaid:

"Howprettyheis,thedarling,howpretty!Nurse,warmthelinen,givemethecaps."

"Smileatyouraunty,"saidmyaunt,janglingherrosaryabovethebaby'shead,"smileataunty."

"Askhimatthesametimetoreciteafable,"saidthedoctor.

Meanwhilemywifewascomingtoherself;shehalfopenedhereyesandseemedtobelookingforsomething.

"Whereishe?"shemurmuredinafaintvoice.

Theyshowedherhermother'sapron.

"Aboy,isitnot?"

Takingmyhand,shedrewmedowntowardherandsaidinawhisper,"Areyousatisfiedwithme?Ididmybest,dear."

"Come,noemotion,"exclaimedthedoctor,"youshallkisseachothertomorrow.Colonel,"hesaidtomyfather,whostillretainedhishatandstick,"keepthemfromkissing.Noemotion,andeveryoneoutside.Iamgoingtodressthelittlelancer.Givemethelittleman,grandmamma.Comehere,littlesavage.YoushallseewhetherIdon'tknowhowto


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fastenpinsin."

Hetookthebabyinhistwolargehandsandsatdownonastoolbeforethefire.

IwatchedmyboywhomJacqueswasturningaboutlikeadoll,butwithgreatskill.Heexaminedhimallover,touchingandfeelinghim,andateachtestsaidwithasmile:

"Heisafineone,heisafineone."

Thenherolledhimupinhisclothes,putatriplecaponhislittlebaldhead,tiedafoldedribbonunderhischintopreventhisheadfallingbackward,andthen,satisfiedwithhiswork,said:

"YousawhowIdidit,nurse?Well,youmustdressthislancereverymorninginthesameway.Nothingbutalittlesugarandwatertillto-morrow.Themotherhasnofever.Come,allisgoingonwell.

LuckyCaptain!Iamsohungry.Doyouknowthatitisoneinthemorning?Youhaven'tgotcoldpartridgeorabitofpiethatyoudon'tknowwhattodowith,haveyou?Itwouldsuitmedowntotheground,withabottleofsomething."

Wewentbothintothedining-roomandlaidtheclothwithoutanymoreceremony.

Ineverinmylifeateanddranksomuchasonthatoccasion.

"Come,getofftobed,"saidthedoctor,puttingonhiscoat."To-morrowmorningyoushallhavethewet-nurse.No,bytheway,I'llcallforyou,andwewillgoandchoosehertogether;itiscurious.Beunderarmsathalf-pasteight."

CHAPTERXXIII

NEWYEAR'SDAY

Itisbarelyseveno'clock.Apalerayofdaylightisstealingthroughthedoublecurtains,andalreadysomeoneistappingatthedoor.IcanhearinthenextroomfromthestifledlaughterandthesilverytonesofBaby,whoisquiveringwithimpatience,andaskingleavetocomein.

"Papa,"hecries,"itisBaby,itisBabycomefortheNewYear."

"Comein,mydarling;comequick,andkissus."

Thedooropensandmyboy,hiseyesaglow,andhisarmsraised,rushestowardthebed.Hiscurls,escapingfromthenightcapcoveringhishead,floatonhisforehead.Hislong,loosenight-shirt,catchinghislittlefeet,increaseshisimpatience,andcauseshimtostumbleateverystep.

Atlengthhecrossestheroom,and,holdingouthistwohandstomine:"BabywishesyouaHappyNewYear,"hesays,inanearnestvoice.

"Poorlittlelove,withhisbarefeet!Come,darling,andwarmyourselfunderthecounterpane."


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Ilifthimtowardme,butatthismomentmywife,whoisasleep,suddenlywakes.

"Whoisthere?"sheexclaims,feelingforthebell."Thieves!"

"Itiswetwo,dear."

"Who?Goodheavens!howyoufrightenedme!Iwasdreamingthehousewasonfire,andthatIheardyourvoiceamidtheragingflames.Youwereveryindiscreetinshoutinglikethat!"

"Shouting!butyouforget,mamma,thatitisNewYear'sDay,thedayofsmilesandkisses?Babywaswaitingforyoutowakeup,aswellasmyself."

However,Iwrapthelittlefellowupintheeiderdownquiltandwarmhiscoldfeetinmyhands.

"Mamma,itisNewYear'sDay,"heexclaims.Withhisarmshedrawsourtwoheadstogether,putsforwardhisownandkissesusathaphazardwithhismoistlips.Ifeelhisdimpledfistsdiggingintomyneck,hislittlefingersentangledinmybeard.

Mymoustacheticklesthetipofhisnose,andheburstsintoafitofjoyouslaughterashethrowshisheadback.

Hismother,whohasrecoveredfromherfright,takeshiminherarmsandringsthebell.

"Theyearisbeginningwell,dear,"shesays,"butwemusthavealittledaylight."

"Mamma,naughtychildrendon'thaveanynewtoysonNewYear'sDay,dothey?"

Andashesaysthistheslyfelloweyesapileofparcelsandpackages

heapedupinonecorner,visibledespitethesemidarkness.

Soonthecurtainsaredrawnaside,andtheshuttersopened;daylightfloodstheroom;thefirecracklesmerrilyonthehearth,andtwolargeparcels,carefullytiedup,areplacedonthebed.Oneisformywife,andtheotherformyboy.

"Whatisit?Whatisit?"Ihavemultipliedtheknotsandtripledthewrappings,andIgleefullyfollowtheirimpatientfingersentangledamongthestrings.

Mywifegetsimpatient,smiles,pouts,kissesme,andasksforthescissors.

Babyonhissidetugswithallhismight,bitinghislipsashedoesso,andendsbyaskingmyhelp.Hislookstrivestopenetratethewrappers.Allthesignsofdesireandexpectationarestampedonhisface.Hishand,hiddenunderthecoverlet,causesthesilktorustlewithhisconvulsivemovements,andhislipsquiverasattheapproachofsomedainty.

Atlengththelastpaperfallsaside.Thelidislifted,andjoybreaksforth.


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"Afurtippet!"

"ANoah'sark!"

"Tomatchmymuff,dear,kindhusband."

"WithaNoahonwheels,dearpapa.Idoloveyouso."

Theythrowthemselvesonmyneck,fourarmsareclaspedroundmeatonce.Emotiongetsthebetterofme,andatearstealsintomyeye.Therearetwointhoseofmywife,andBaby,losinghishead,sobsashekissesmyhand.

Itisabsurd.

Absurd,Idon'tknow;butdelightful,Icananswerforit.

Doesnotgrief,afterall,callforthenoughtearsforustoforgivejoythesolitaryonesheperchancecausesustoshed!

Lifeisnotsosweetforustoriskourselvesinitsinglehanded,andwhentheheartisemptythewayseemsverylong.

Itissopleasanttofeelone'sselfloved,tohearbesideonethecadencedstepsofone'sfellow-travellers,andtosay,"Theyarehere,ourthreeheartsbeatinunison."Sopleasantonceayear,whenthegreatclockstrikesthefirstofJanuary,tositdownbesidethepath,withhandslockedtogether,andeyesfixedontheunknowndustyroadlosingitselfinthehorizon,andtosay,whileembracingoneanother,"Westillloveoneanother,mydearchildren;yourelyonme,andIrelyonyou.Letushaveconfidence,andwalksteadfastly."

ThisishowIexplainthatonemayweepalittlewhileexamininganewfurtippetandopeningaNoah'sark.

Butbreakfasttimedrawsnear.Ihavecutmyselftwicewhileshaving;

Ihavesteppedonmyson'swildbeastsinturninground,andIhavetheprospectofadozendutycalls,asmywifetermsthem,beforeme;yetIamdelighted.

Wesitdowntothebreakfasttable,whichhasamorethanusuallyfestiveaspect.Afaintaromaoftrufflesperfumestheair,everyoneissmiling,andthroughtheglassIsee,startlingsight!thedoorkeeper,withhisownhands,wipingthehandrailofthestaircase.Itisagloriousday.

Babyhasrangedhiselephants,lions,andgiraffesroundhisplate,andhismother,underpretextofadraught,breakfastsinhertippet.

"Haveyouorderedthecarriage,dear,forourvisits?"Iask.

"ThatcushionforAuntUrsulawilltakeupsuchadealofroom.Itmightbeputbesidethecoachman."

"Pooraunt."

"Papa,don'tletusgotoAuntUrsula,"saidBaby;"sheprickssowhenshekissesyou."


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"Naughtyboy....Thinkofallwehavetogetintothecarriage.Leon'srocking-horse,Louise'smuff,yourfather'sslippers,Ernestine'squilt,thebonbons,thework-box.Ideclare,aunt'scushionmustgounderthecoachman'sfeet."

"Papa,whydoesn'tthegiraffeeatcutlets?"

"Ireallydon'tknow,dear."

"NeitherdoI,papa."

AnhourlaterweareascendingthestaircaseleadingtoAuntUrsula's.Mywifecountsthestepsasshepullsherselfupbythehand-rail,andIcarrythefamouscushion,thebonbons,andmyson,whohasinsistedonbringinghisgiraffewithhim.

AuntUrsula,whoproducesthesameeffectonhimasthesightofarodwould,iswaitingusinhericylittledrawing-room.Foursquarearmchairs,hiddenbeneathyellowcovers,standvacantbehindfourlittlemats.Aclockintheshapeofapyramid,surmountedonasphere,ticksunderaglasscase.

Aportraitonthewall,coveredwithfly-spots,showsanymphwithalyre,standingbesideawaterfall.ThisnymphwasAuntUrsula.Howshe

hasaltered!

"Mydearaunt,wehavecometowishyouaHappyNewYear."

"Toexpressourhopesthat--"

"Thankyou,nephew,thankyou,niece,"andshepointstotwochairs."Iamsensibleofthissteponyourpart;itprovestomethatyouhavenotaltogetherforgottenthedutiesimposeduponyoubyfamilyties."

"Youarereckoning,mydearaunt,withouttheaffectionwefeelforyou,andwhichofitselfisenough...Baby,goandkissyouraunt."

Babywhispersinmyear,"But,papa,Itellyoushedoesprick."

Iplacethebonbonsonaside-table.

"Youcan,nephew,dispensewithofferingmethatlittlegift;youknowthatsweetmeatsdisagreewithme,and,ifIwerenotawareofyourindifferenceastothestateofmyhealth,Ishouldseeinyourofferingaveiledsarcasm.Butletthatpass.Doesyourfatherstillbearupagainsthisinfirmitiescourageously?"

"Thankyou,yes."

"Ithoughttopleaseyou,dearaunt,"observesmywife,"byembroidering

foryouthiscushion,whichIbegyoutoaccept."

"Ithankyou,child,butIcanstillholdmyselfsufficientlyupright,thankGod,nottohaveanyneedofacushion.Theembroideryischarming,itisanOrientaldesign.Youmighthavemadeabetterchoice,knowingthatIlikethingsmuchmoresimple.Itischarming,however,althoughthisrednexttothegreenheresetsone'steethonedge.Tasteincolorsis,however,notgiventoeveryone.Ihave,inreturn,toofferyoumyphotograph,whichthatdearAbbeMironinsistedonmyhavingtaken."


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"Howkindyouare,andhowlikeyouitis!Doyourecognizeyouraunt,Baby?"

"Donotthinkyourselfobligedtospeakcontrarytoyouropinion.Thisphotographdoesnotinanywayresembleme,myeyesaremuchbrighter.Ihavealsoapacketofjujubesforyourchild.Heseemstohavegrown."

"Baby,goandkissyouraunt."

"Andthenweshallgo,mamma?"

"Youareveryrude,mydear."

"Lethimspeakout;atanyrate,heisfrank.ButIseethatyourhusbandisgettingimpatient,youhaveother...errandstofulfil;Iwillnotkeepyou.Besides,Iamgoingtochurchtoprayforthosewhodonotprayforthemselves."

Fromtwelvedutycalls,subtractonedutycall,andelevenremain.Hum!"Coachman,RueSt.LouisauMarais."

"Papa,hasAuntUrsulaneedlesinherchin?"

Letuspassovertheelevendutycalls,theyarenomoreagreeabletowriteofthantomake.

Towardseveno'clock,heavenbepraised,thehorsesstopbeforemyfather's,wheredinnerawaitsus.Babyclapshishands,andsmilesatoldJeannette,who,atthesoundofthewheels,hasrushedtothedoor."Heretheyare,"sheexclaims,andshecarriesoffBabytothekitchen,wheremymother,withhersleevesturnedup,isgivingthefinishingtouchtohertraditionalplumcake.

Myfather,onhiswaytothecellar,lanterninhand,andescortedbyhisoldservant,Jean,whoiscarryingthebasket,halts."Why,children,howlateyouare!Cometomyarms,mydears;thisisthedayonwhich

onekissesingoodearnest.Jean,holdmylanternaminute."Andasmyoldfatherclaspsmetohisbreast,hishandseeksoutmineandgraspsit,withalongclasp.Baby,whoglidesinbetweenourlegs,pullsourcoat-tailsandholdsuphislittlemouthforakisstoo.

"ButIamkeepingyouhereintheanteroomandyouarefrozen;gointothedrawing-room,thereareagoodfireandgoodfriendsthere."

Theyhaveheardus,thedooropens,andanumberofarmsareheldouttous.Amidhandshakings,embracings,goodwishes,andkisses,boxesareopened,bonbonsareshoweredforth,parcelsareundone,mirthbecomesdeafening,andgoodhumortumultuous.Babystandingamidhispresentsresemblesadrunkenmansurroundedbyatreasure,andfromtimetotime

givesacryofjoyondiscoveringsomefreshtoy.

"Thelittleman'sfable,"exclaimsmyfather,swinginghislanternwhichhehastakenagainfromJean.

Adeepsilenceensues,andthepoorchild,whosedebutintheelocutionaryartitis,suddenlylosescountenance.Hecastsdownhiseyes,blushesandtakesrefugeinthearmsofhismother,who,stoopingdown,whispers,"Come,darling,'Alambwasquenching';youknowthewolfandthelamb."


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"Yes,mamma,Iknowthelittlelambthatwantedtodrink."Andinacontritevoice,hisheadbentdownonhisbreast,herepeatswithadeepsigh,"'Alittlelambwasquenchinghisthirstinaclearstream."'

Weall,withearsonthealertandasmileonourlips,followhisdelightfullittlejargon.

UncleBertrand,whoisratherdeaf,hasmadeaneartrumpetofhishandanddrawnhischairup."Ah!Icanfollowit,"hesays."Itisthefoxandthegrapes."Andasthereisamurmurof"Hush,"atthisinterruption,headds:"Yes,yes,hereciteswithintelligence,greatintelligence."

Successrestoresconfidencetomydarling,whofinisheshisfablewithaburstoflaughter.Joyiscommunicative,andwetakeourplacesattableamidtheliveliestmirth.

"Bytheway,"saysmyfather,"wherethedeuceismylantern.Ihaveforgottenallaboutthecellar.Jean,takeyourbasketandletusgoandrummagebehindthefagots."

Thesoupissmoking,andmymother,afterhavingglancedsmilinglyroundthetable,plungesherladleintothetureen.Givemethefamilydinner

tableatwhichthoseweloveareseated,atwhichwemayriskrestingourelbowsatdessert,andatwhichatthirtyweoncemoretastethewineofferedatourbaptism.

CHAPTERXXIV

LETTERSOFAYOUNGMOTHERTOHERFRIEND.

ThelittlecapsaretheonesIwant,Marie.Begoodenoughtosendmethepatternofthebraces,thoseofyourowninvention,youknow.Thanks

foryourcoverlet,itissoft,flexible,warm,andcharming,andBaby,amiditswhitewool,lookslikearosebudhiddeninthesnow.Iambecomingpoetical,amInot?Butwhatwouldyouhave?Mypoorheartisoverflowingwithjoy.Myson,doyouunderstandthat,dear,myownson?WhenIheardthesharpcryofthelittlebeingwhommymothershowedmelyinginherapron,itseemedtomethataburningthrillofloveshotthroughmyveins.Myolddoctor'sbaldheadwasclosetome,Icaughtholdofitandkissedhimthrice.

"Calmyourself,mydearchild,"saidhe.

"Doctor,bequiet,orIwillkissyouagain.Givememybaby,mylove.Areyouquitesureitisaboy?"

Andintheadjoiningdrawing-room,wherethewholefamilywerewaiting,Icouldhearamidthesoundofkisses,thedelightfulwords,"Itisaboy,afineboy."

Mypoorhusband,whofortwelvehourshadnotleftme,overcomewithfatigueandemotion,wascryingandlaughinginonecorneroftheroom.

"Come,nurse,swaddlehim,quicknow.Nopins,confounditall,strings,Iwillhavestrings.What?Givemethechild,youdon'tunderstand


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anythingaboutit."

Andthegooddoctorinthetwinklingofaneyehaddressedmychild.

"HelooksaColonel,yourboy.Puthimintothecradlewith...nowbecalm,mydearpatient...withahot-waterbottletohisfeet.Nottoomuchfire,especiallyintheColonel'sroom.Now,nomorenoise,repose,andeveryoneoutoftheway."

Andasthroughtheopeningofthedoorwhichwasjustajar,AuntUrsulawhispered,"Doctor,letmecomein;justtopressherhand,doctor."

"Confoundit!everyonemustbeoff;silenceandquietareabsolutelynecessary."Theyallleft.

"Octave,"continuedthedoctor,"comeandkissyourwifenow,andmakeanendofit.Goodlittlewoman,shehasbeenverybrave....Octave,comeandkissyourwife,andbequickaboutitifyoudon'twantmetokisshermyself.IwilldowhatIsay,"headded,threateningtomakegoodhiswords.

Octave,buriedinhischild'scradle,didnothear.

"Good,nowheisgoingtosuffocatemyColonelforme."

Myhusbandcameatlength.Heheldouthishandwhichwasquiveringwithemotion,andIgraspeditwithallmymight.Ifmyheartatthatmomentdidnotbreakfromexcessoffeeling,itwasbecauseGodnodoubtknewthatIshouldstillhaveneedofit.

Youknow,dearMarie,thatbeforeachildcomesweloveeachotherashusbandandwife,butweloveeachotheronourownaccount,whileafterwardweloveeachotheronhis,thedearlove,whowithhistinyhandhasrivettedthechainforever.God,therefore,allowsthehearttogrowandswell.Minewasfull;nevertheless,mybabycameandtookhisplaceinit.Yetnothingoverflowed,andIstillfeelthatthereisroomformotherandyourself.Youtoldme,andtruly,thatthiswouldbea

newlife,alifeofdeeploveanddelightfuldevotion.Allmypastexistenceseemstrivialandcolorlesstome,andIperceivethatIambeginningtolive.Iamasproudasasoldierwhohasbeeninbattle.Wifeandmother,thosewordsareourepaulettes.Grandmotheristhefield-marshal'sbaton.

HowsweetIshallrendertheexistenceofmytwolovedones!

HowIshallcherishthem!Iamwild,Iweep,Ishouldliketokissyou.IamafraidIamtoohappy.

Myhusbandisreallygood.Heholdsthechildwithsuchpleasingawkwardness,itcostshimsucheffortstoliftthisslightburden.When

hebringsittome,wrappedinblankets,hewalkswithslowandcarefulsteps.Onewouldthinkthatthegroundwasgoingtocrumbleawaybeneathhisfeet.Thenheplacesthelittletreasureinmybed,quiteclosetome,onalargepillow.WedeckBaby;wesettlehimcomfortably,andifaftermanyattemptswegethimtosmile,itisanendlessjoy.OftenmyhusbandandIremaininthepresenceofthistinycreature,ourheadsrestingonourhands.Wesilentlyfollowthehesitatingandcharmingmovementsofhislittlerosy-nailedhandonthesilk,andwefindinthissodeepacharmthatitneedsaconsiderablecounter-attractiontotearusaway.


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Wehavemostamusingdiscussionsontheshapeofhisforeheadandthecolorofhiseyes,whichalwaysendingrandprojectsforhisfuture,verysilly,nodoubt,butsofascinating.

Octavewantshimtofollowadiplomaticcareer.Hesaysthathehastheeyeofastatesmanandthathisgestures,thoughfew,arefullofmeaning.Poor,dearlittleambassador,withonlythreehairsonyourhead!Butwhatdearhairstheyare,thosethreadsofgoldcurlingatthebackofhisneck,justabovetherosyfoldwheretheskinissofineandsofreshthatkissesnestlethereofthemselves.

Thewholeofthislittlebodyhasaperfumewhichintoxicatesmeandmakesmyheartleap.What,dearfriend,aretheinvisibletieswhichbindustoourchildren?Isitanatomofourownsoul,apartofourownlife,whichanimatesandvivifiesthem?Theremustbesomethingofthekind,forIcanreadamidthemistsofhislittlemind.Idivinehiswishes,Iknowwhenheiscold,Icantellwhenheishungry.

Doyouknowthemostdelightfulmoment?Itiswhenafterhavingtakenhiseveningmealandgorgedhimselfwithmilklikeagluttonouslittlekitten,hefallsasleepwithhisrosycheekrestingonmyarm.Hislimbsgentlyrelax,hisheadsinksdownonmybreast,hiseyesclose,andhishalf-openedmouthcontinuestorepeattheactionofsuckling.

Hiswarm,moistbreathbrushesthehandthatissupportinghim.ThenIwraphimupsnuglyinmyturned-upskirt,hidehislittlefeetunderhisclothesandwatchmydarling.Ihavehimthere,alltomyself,onmyknees.Thereisnotaquiverofhisbeingthatescapesmeorthatdoesnotvibrateinmyself.Ifeelatthebottomofmyheartamirrorthatreflectsthemall.Heisstillpartofme.Isitnotmymilkthatnourisheshim,myvoicethathusheshimofftosleep,myhandthatdressesandcaresses,encouragesandsupportshim?ThefeelingthatIamallinallforhimfurtheraddsadeliciouscharmofprotectiontothedelightofhavingbroughthimintotheworld.

WhenIthinkthattherearewomenwhopassbysuchjoyswithoutturning

theirheads.Thefools!

Yes,thepresentisdelightfulandIamdrunkwithhappiness.Thereisalsothefuture,farawayintheclouds.Ioftenthinkofit,andIdonotknowwhyIshudderattheapproachofastorm.

Madness!Ishalllovehimsodiscreetly,Ishallrendertheweightofmyaffectionsolightforhim,thatwhyshouldhewishtoseparatefromme?ShallInotintimebecomehisfriend?ShallInotwhenablackdownshadowsthoserosylittlelips,whenthebird,feelingitswingsgrown,seekstoleavethenest,shallInotbeabletobringhimbackbyinvisibletiestothearmsinwhichhenowissleeping?Perhapsatthatwretchedmomenttheycallaman'syouthyouwillforgetme,mylittle

darling!Otherhandsthanmineperhapswillbrushthehairawayfromyourforeheadattwenty.Alas!otherlips,pressedburninglywhereminearenowpressed,willwipeoutwithakisstwentyyearsofcaresses.Yes,butwhenyoureturnfromthisintoxicatingandfatiguingjourney,tiredandexhausted,youwillsoontakerefugeinthearmsthatoncenursedyou,youwillrestyourpoor,achingheadwhereitrestsnow,youwillaskmetowipeawayyourtearsandtomakeyouforgetthebruisesreceivedontheway,andIshallgiveyou,weepingforjoy,thekisswhichatonceconsolesandfillswithhope.


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ButIseethatIamwritingawholevolume,dearMarie.Iwillnotre-readitorIshouldneverdaretosendittoyou.Whatwouldyouhave?Iamlosingmyheadalittle.Iamnotyetaccustomedtoallthishappiness.Yoursaffectionately.

CHAPTERXXV

FOURYEARSLATER

Yes,mydear,heisamanandamanforgoodandall.Hehascomebackfromthecountryhalfasbigagainandasboldasalion.Heclimbsontothechairs,stopstheclocksandstickshishandsinhispocketslikeagrown-upperson.

WhenIseeinthemorningintheanteroommybaby'slittleshoesstandingproudlybesidethepaternalboots,Iexperience,despitemyself,areturntowardthatpastwhichisyetsonear.Yesterdayswaddlingclothes,todayboots,tomorrowspurs.Ah!howthehappydaysflyby.Alreadyfouryearsold.Icanscarcelycarryhim,evensupposingheallowedmeto,forhismanlydignityisticklish.Hepasseshalfhislifearmedfor

war,hispistols,hisguns,hiswhipsandhisswordsareallovertheplace.Thereisahealthyfranknessaboutallhisdoingsthatcharmsme.

Doyouimaginefromthisthatmydemonnolongerhasanygoodinhim?AttimesheisanangelandfreelyreturnsthecaressesIbestowuponhim.Intheeveningafterdinnerhegetsdownintomyarmchair,takesmyheadinhishandsandarrangesmyhairinhisownway.Hisfreshlittlemouthtravelsallovermyface.Heimprintsbigsoundingkissesonthebackofmyneck,whichmakesmeshudderallover.Wehaveendlesstalkstogether."Why's"comeinshowers,andallthese"why's"requirerealanswers;fortheintelligenceofchildrenisaboveallthingslogical.Iwillonlygiveoneofhissayingsasaproof.

Hisgrandmotherisratherunwell,andeverynighthetacksontohisprayerthesesimplewords,"PleaseGodmakeGrannywell,becauseIloveherso."Butforgreatercertaintyhehasaddedonhisownaccount,"Youknow,God,GrannywholivesintheRueSaint-Louis,onthefirstfloor."Hesaysallthiswithanexpressionofsimpleconfidenceandsuchcomicseriousness,thelittlelove.Youunderstand,itistospareGodthetroubleoflookingfortheaddress.

Ileaveyou;Ihearhimcough.Idonotknowwhetherhehascaughtcold,butIthinkhehasbeenlookingratherdepressedsincethemorning.Donotlaughatme,Iamnototherwiseuneasy.Yoursmostaffectionately.

Yesterdaytherewasaconsultation.Onleavingthehousemyolddoctor'seyesweremoist;hestrovetohideit,butIsawatear.Mychildmustbeveryillthen?Thethoughtisdreadful,dear.Theyseektoreassureme,butItremble.

Thenighthasnotbroughtanyimprovement.Stillthisfever.Ifyoucouldseethestateoftheprettylittlebodyweusedtoadmireso.IwillnotthinkofwhatGodmayhaveinstoreforme.Icehasbeenorderedtobeputtohishead.Hishairhadtobecutoff.Poorfair


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littlecurlsthatusedtofloatinthewindasheranafterhishoop.Itisterrible.Ihavedreadfulforebodings.

Mychild,mypoorchild!Heissoweakthatnotawordcomesnowfromhispaleparchedlips.Hislargeeyesthatstillshineinthedepthsoftheirsockets,smileatmefromtimetotime,butthissmileissogentle,sofaint,thatitresemblesafarewell.Afarewell!Butwhatwouldbecomeofme?

Thismorning,thinkinghewasasleep,Icouldnotrestrainasob.Hislipsopened,andhesaid,butinawhispersolowthatIhadtoputmyearclosedowntocatchit:"Youdolovemethen,mamma?"

DoIlovehim?Ishoulddie.

NICE.

TheyhavebroughtmehereandIfeelnobetterforit.Everydaymyweaknessincreases.Istillspitblood.Besides,whatdotheyseektocuremeof?Yoursasever.

IfIshouldneverreturntoParis,youwillfindinmywardrobehislasttoys;thetracesofhislittlefingersarestillvisibleonthem.Totheleftisthebranchoftheblessedboxthatusedtohangathisbedside.Letyourhandsalonetouchallthis.Burnthesedearrelics,thispoorevidenceofshatteredhappiness.Icanstillsee...Sobsarechokingme.

Farewell,dearfriend.Whatwouldyou?Ibuilttoohighontoounstableasoil.Ilovedoneobjecttoowell.Yoursfrommyheart.

CHAPTERXXVI

OLDRECOLLECTIONS

Coveryourselveswithfinegreenleaves,talltreescastingyourpeacefulshade.Stealthroughthebranches,brightsunlight,andyou,studiouspromenaders,contemplativeidlers,mammasinbrighttoilettes,gossipingnurses,noisychildren,andhungrybabies,takepossessionofyourkingdom;theselongwalksbelongtoyou.

ItisSunday.Joyandfestivity.Thegaufresellerdeckshisshopandlightshisstove.Thewhiteclothisspreadonthetableandpilesof

goldencakesattractthecustomer.

Thewomanwholetsoutchairshasputonherapronwithitsbigpocketsforsous.Theparkkeeper,mydearlittlechildren,hascurledhismoustache,polisheduphisharmlessswordandputonhisbestuniform.Seehowbrightandattractivethemarionettetheatrelooksinthesunshine,underitsstripedcovering.

Sundayrequiresallthisinitshonor.


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UnhappyarethosetowhomthetalltreesofLuxembourggardensdonotrecalloneofthoserecollectionswhichclingtotheheartlikeitsfirstperfumetoavase.

IwasaGeneral,underthosetrees,aGeneralwithaplumelikeamourningcoach-horse,andarmedtotheteeth.Iheldcommandfromthehutoftilenewspapervendortothekioskofthegaufreseller.Nofalsemodesty,myauthorityextendedtothebasinofthefountain,althoughthegreatwhiteswansratheralarmedme.Ambushesbehindthetreetrunks,advancedpostsbehindthenursemaids,surprises,fightswithcoldsteel;attacksbyskirmishers,dust,encounters,carnageandnobloodshed.Afterwhichourmammaswipedourforeheads,rearrangedourdishevelledhair,andtoreusawayfromthebattle,ofwhichwedreamedallnight.

Now,asIpassthroughthegardenwithitsarmyofchildrenandnurses,leaningonmystickwithhaltingstep,howIregretmyGeneral'scockedhat,mypaperplume,mywoodenswordandmypistol.Mypistolthatwouldsnapcapsandwasthecauseofmyrapidpromotion.

Disportyourselves,littlefolks;gossip,plumpnurses,asyouscoldyoursoldiers.Embroiderpeaceably,youngmothers,makingfromtimetotimealittlegameofyourneighborsamongyourselves;andyou,reflectiveidlers,lookatthatcharmingpicture-babiesmakingagarden.

Playinginthesand,agameasoldastheworldandalwaysamusing.Hillocksbuiltupinalinewithlittlebitsofwoodstuckintothem,representgardensinthewalksofwhichbabygravelyplaceshislittleuncertainfeet.Whatwouldhenotgive,dearlittleman,tobeabletocompletehisworkbycreatingapondinhispark,apond,agutter,threedropsofwater?

Furtheronthesandisdamper,andinthemountainthelittlefingerspierceatunnel.Agiganticworkwhichthebootofapasser-bywillsoondestroy.Whatpasser-byrespectsababy'smountain?Hencetheyoungrascalavengeshimself.Seethatgentlemaninthebrownfrockcoat,whoisreadingthe'RevuedesDeuxMondes'onthebench;ourworkershavepileduphillocksofsandanddustaroundhim,theskirtsofhiscoat

havealreadylosttheircolor.

Butletthisequipagenoisilydashingalonggoby.Fourhorses,twobitsofstring,andafifthhorsewhoisthedriver.Thatisall,andyetonefanciesone'sselfinapostchaise.Howmanyplaceshasonenotvisitedbynightfall?

Therearedriverswhoprefertobehorses,therearehorseswhowouldratherbedrivers;firstsymptomsofambition.

Andthesolitarybabywhoslowlydrawshisomnibusroundthegaufreseller,eyeinghisshop!Anindefatigableconsumer,butapoorpaymaster.

Doyouseedownthereundertheplane-treesthatgroupofnurses,aherdofBurgundianmilchkine,andattheirfeet,rollingonacarpet,allthoselittlerosycheekedphilosopherswhoonlyaskGodforalittlesunshine,puremilk,andquiet,inordertobehappy.Frequentlyanaccidentdisturbsthedelightfulcalm.TheBurgundianwhomistrustedmattersdartsforward.Itistoolate.

"Thecourseofariverisnottobechecked,"saysGiboyer.


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Sometimesthedisasterisstillmoreserious,andonerepairsitasonecan;butthephilosopherwholovesthesedisastersisindignantandsqualls,swearingtohimselftobeginagain.

Thoselittlefolkaredelightful;welovechildren,butthisaffectionforthespeciesingeneralbecomesyetmoresweetwhenitisnolongeraquestionofababy,butofone'sownbaby.

Bachelorsmustnotreadwhatfollows;Iwishtospeaktothefamilycircle.Betweenthoseofatradethereisabetterunderstanding.

Iamafather,mydearmadame,andhavebeenofcoursetherejoicingpapaofamatchlesschild.Frombeneathhiscapthereescapedafairandcurlytressthatwasourdelight,andwhenItouchedhiswhiteneckwithmyfingerhebrokeintoalaughandshowedmehislittlewhitepearls,asheclaspedmyheadinhistwochubbyarms.

Hisfirsttoothwasanevent.Wewentintothelightthebettertosee.Thegrandparentslookedthroughtheirglassesatthelittlewhitespot,andI,withoutstretchedneck,demonstrated,explainedandproved.AndallatonceIranofftothecellartoseekoutintherightcornerabottleofthebest.

Myson'sfirsttooth.Wespokeofhiscareerduringdinner,andat

dessertgrand-mammagaveusasong.

Afterthistoothcameothers,andwiththemtearsandpain,butthenwhentheywerealltherehowproudlyhebitintohissliceofbread,howvigorouslyheattackedhischopinordertoeat"likepapa."

"Likepapa,"doyourememberhowthesetwowordswarmtheheart,andhowmanytransgressionstheycausetobeforgiven.

Mygreathappiness,--isityourstoo?--wastobepresentatmydarling'sawakening.Iknewthetime.IwouldgentlydrawasidethecurtainsofhiscradleandwatchhimasIwaited.

Iusuallyfoundhimstretcheddiagonally,lostinthechaosofsheetsandblankets,hislegsintheair,hisarmscrossedabovehishead.Oftenhisplumplittlehandstillclutchedthetoythathadhelpedtosendhimofftosleep,andthroughhispartedlipscametheregularmurmurofhissoftbreathing.Thewarmthofhissleephadgivenhischeeksthetintofawell-ripenedpeach.Hisskinwaswarm,andtheperspirationofthenightglitteredonhisforeheadinlittleimperceptiblepearls.

Soonhishandwouldmakeamovement;hisfootpushedawaytheblanket,hiswholebodystirred,herubbedaneye,stretchedouthisarms,andthenhislookfromunderhisscarcelyraisedeyelidswouldrestonme.

Hewouldsmileatme,murmuringsoftly,sosoftlythatIwouldholdmy

breathtoseizealltheshadesofhismusic.

"Doodmornin',papa."

"Goodmorning,mylittleman;haveyousleptwell?"

Weheldoutourarmstoeachotherandembracedlikeoldfriends.

Thenthetalkingwouldbegin.Hechattedasthelarkwouldsingtotherisingsun.Endlessstories.


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Hewouldtellmehisdreams,askingaftereachsentencefor"hisnice,warmbreadandmilk,withplentyofsugar."Andwhenhisbreakfastcameup,whatanoutburstoflaughter,whatjoyashedrewhimselfuptoreachit;thenhiseyewouldglitterwithatearinthecorner,andthechatterbeginagain.

Atothertimeshewouldcomeandsurprisemeinbed.Iwouldpretendtobeasleep,andhewouldpullmybeardandshoutinmyear.Ifeignedgreatalarmandthreatenedtobeavenged.Fromthisarosefightsamongthecounterpanes,entrenchmentsbehindthepillows.InsignofvictoryIwouldticklehim,andthenheshuddered,givingventtothefrankandinvoluntaryoutburstoflaughterofhappychildhood.Heburiedhisheadbetweenhistwoshoulderslikeatortoisewithdrawingintohisshell,andthreatenedmewithhisplumprosyfoot.Theskinofhisheelwassodelicatethatayounggirl'scheekwouldhavebeenproudofit.HowmanykissesIwouldcoverthosedearlittlefeetwithwhenIwarmedhislongnightdressbeforethefire.

Ihadbeenforbiddentoundresshim,becauseithadbeenfoundthatIentangledtheknotsinsteadofundoingthem.

Allthiswascharming,butwhenitwasnecessarytoactrigorouslyandchecktherompingthatwasgoingtoofar,hewouldslowlydrophis

eyelids,whilewithdilatednostrilsandtremblinglipshetriedtokeepbackthebigtearglitteringbeneathhiseyelid.

Whatcouragewasnotnecessaryinordertorefrainfromcalmingwithakissthestormonthepointofbursting,fromconsolingthelittleswollenheart,fromdryingthetearthatwasoverflowingandabouttobecomeaflood.

Achild'sexpressionisthensotouching,thereissomuchgriefinawarmtearslowlyfalling,inalittlecontractedface,alittleheavingbreast.

Allthisislongpast.Yetyearshavegonebywithouteffacingthese

lovedrecollections;andnowthatmybabyisthirtyyearsoldandhasaheavymoustache,whenheholdsouthislargehandandsaysinhisbassvoice,"Goodmorning,father,"itstillseemstomethatanechorepeatsafaroffthedearwordsofold,"Doodmornin',papa."

CHAPTERXXVII

THELITTLEBOOTS

InthemorningwhenIleftmyroom,Isawplacedinlinebeforethedoor

hisbootsandmine.Hiswerelittlelaced-upbootsratheroutofshape,anddulledbytheroughusagetowhichhesubjectsthem.Thesoleoftheleftbootwaswornthin,andalittleholewasthreateningatthetoeoftheright.Thelaces,wornandslack,hungtotherightandleft.Swellingsintheleathermarkedtheplacesofhistoes,andtheaccustomedmovementsofhislittlefoothadlefttheirtracesintheshapeofcreases,slightordeep.

WhyhaveIrememberedallthis?Ireallydonotknow,butitseemstomethatIcanstillseethebootsofthedearlittleoneplacedthereonthe


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matbesidemyown,twograinsofsandbytwopavingstones,atomtitbesideanelephant.Theywerehisevery-dayboots,hisplayfellows,thosewithwhichheascendedsandhillsandexploredpuddles.Theyweredevotedtohim,andsharedhisexistencesocloselythatsomethingofhimselfwasmetwithagaininthem.Ishouldhaverecognizedthemamongathousand;theyhadanespecialphysiognomyaboutthem;itseemedtomethataninvisibletieattachedthemtohim,andIcouldnotlookattheirundecidedshape,theircomicandcharminggrace,withoutrecallingtheirlittlemaster,andacknowledgingtomyselfthattheyresembledhim.

Everythingbelongingtoababybecomesabitbabyishitself,andassumesthatexpressionofunstudiedandsimplegracepeculiartoachild.

Besidetheselaughing,gay,good-humoredlittleboots,onlyaskingleavetorunaboutthecountry,myownseemedmonstrous,heavy,coarse,ridiculous,withtheirheels.Fromtheirheavyanddisabusedaironefeltthatforthemlifewasagravematter,itsjourneyslong,andtheburdenbornequiteaseriousone.

Thecontrastwasstriking,andthelessondeep.Iwouldsoftlyapproachtheselittlebootsinordernottowakethelittlemanwhowasstillasleepintheadjoiningroom;Ifeltthem,Iturnedthemover,Ilookedatthemonallsides,andIfoundadelightfulsmilerisetomylips.Neverdidtheoldviolet-scentedglovethatlayforsolongintheinmost

recessofmydrawerprocuremesosweetanemotion.

Paternalloveisnotrifle;ithasitsfolliesandweaknesses,itispuerileandsublime,itcanneitherbeanalyzednorexplained,itissimplyfelt,andIyieldedmyselftoitwithdelight.

Letthepapawithoutweaknesscastthefirststoneatme;themammaswillavengeme.

Rememberthatthislittlelacedboot,withaholeinthetoe,remindedmeofhisplumplittlefoot,andthatathousandrecollectionswereconnectedwiththatdeartrifle.

Irecalledhim,dearchild,aswhenIcuthistoenails,wrigglingabout,pullingatmybeard,andlaughinginspiteofhimself,forhewasticklish.

Irecalledhimaswhenofaneveninginfrontofagoodfire,Ipulledoffhislittlesocks.Whatatreat.

Iwouldsay"one,two."Andhe,cladinhislongnightgown,hishandslostinthesleeves,wouldwaitwithglitteringeyes,andreadytobreakintoafitoflaughterforthe"three."

Atlastafterathousanddelays,athousandlittleteasingsthatexcitedhisimpatienceandallowedmetosnatchfiveorsixkisses,Isaid

"three."

Thesockflewaway.Thentherewasawildjoy;hewouldthrowhimselfbackonmyarm,wavinghisbarelegsintheair.Fromhisopenmouth,inwhichtworowsofshininglittlepearlscouldbedistinguished,welledforthaburstofringinglaughter.

Hismother,who,however,laughedtoo,wouldsaythenextminute,"Come,baby,come,mylittleangel,youwillgetcold....Butleaveoff....Willyouhavedone,youlittledemon?"


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Shewantedtoscold,butshecouldnotbeseriousatthesightofhisfair-hairedhead,andflushed,smiling,happyface,thrownbackonmyknee.

Shewouldlookatme,andsay:

"Heisunbearable.Goodgracious!whatachild."

ButIunderstoodthatthismeant:

"Lookhowhandsome,sturdyandhealthyheis,ourbaby,ourlittleman,ourson."

Andindeedhewasadorable;atleastIthoughtso.

Ihadthewisdom--Icansayitnowthatmyhairiswhite--nottoletoneofthosehappymomentspasswithoutamplyprofitingbyit,andreallyIdidwell.Pitythefatherswhodonotknowhowtobepapasasoftenaspossible,whodonotknowhowtorollonthecarpet,playatbeingahorse,pretendtobethegreatwolf,undresstheirbaby,imitatethebarkingofthedog,andtheroarofthelion,bitewholemouthfulswithouthurting,andhidebehindarmchairssoastoletthemselvesbeseen.

Pitysincerelytheseunfortunates.Itisnotonlypleasantchild'splaythattheyneglect,buttruepleasure,delightfulenjoyment,thescrapsofthathappinesswhichisgreatlycalumniatedandaccusedofnotexistingbecauseweexpectittofallfromheaveninasolidmasswhenitliesatourfeetinfinepowder.Letuspickupthefragments,andnotgrumbletoomuch;everydaybringsuswithitsbreaditsrationofhappiness.

Letuswalkslowlyandlookdownontheground,searchingaroundusandseekinginthecorners;itistherethatProvidencehasitshiding-places.

Ihavealwayslaughedatthosepeoplewhorushthroughlifeatfull

speed,withdilatednostrils,uneasyeyes,andglancerivettedonthehorizon.Itseemsasthoughthepresentscorchedtheirfeet,andwhenyousaytothem,"Stopamoment,alight,takeaglassofthisgoodoldwine,letuschatalittle,laughalittle,kissyourchild."

"Impossible,"theyreply;"Iamexpectedoverthere.ThereIshallconverse,thereIshalldrinkdeliciouswine,thereIshallgiveexpansiontopaternallove,thereIshallbehappy!"

Andwhentheydoget"there,"breathlessandtiredout,andclaimthepriceoftheirfatigue,thepresent,laughingbehinditsspectacles,says,"Monsieur,thebankisclosed."

Thefuturepromises,itisthepresentthatpays,andoneshouldhaveagoodunderstandingwiththeonethatkeepsthekeysofthesafe.

WhyfancythatyouareadupeofProvidence?

DoyouthinkthatProvidencehasthetimetoserveuptoeachofyouperfecthappiness,alreadydressedonagoldenplate,andtoplaymusicduringyourrepastintothebargain?Yetthatiswhatagreatmanypeoplewouldlike.


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Wemustbereasonable,tuckupoursleevesandlookafterourcookingourselves,andnotinsistthatheavenshouldputitselfoutofthewaytoskimoursoup.

Iusedtomuseonallthisofaneveningwhenmybabywasinmyarms,andhismoist,regularbreathingfannedmyhand.Ithoughtofthehappymomentshehadalreadygivenme,andwasgratefultohimforthem.

"Howeasyitis,"Isaidtomyself,"tobehappy,andwhatasingularfancythatisofgoingasfarasChinainquestofamusement."

Mywifewasofmyopinion,andwewouldsitforhoursbythefiretalkingofwhatwefelt.

"You,doyousee,dear?loveotherwisethanIdo,"sheoftensaidtome."Papascalculatemore.Theirloverequiresareturn.Theydonotreallylovetheirchildtillthedayonwhichtheirself-esteemasitsfatherisflattered.Thereissomethingofownershipinit.Youcananalyzepaternallove,discoveritscauses,say'Ilovemychildbecauseheissoandso,orsoandso.'Withthemothersuchanalysisisimpossible,shedoesnotloveherchildbecauseheishandsomeorugly,becausehedoesordoesnotresembleher,hasorhasnothertastes.Sheloveshimbecauseshecannothelpit,itisanecessity.Maternalloveisaninnatesentimentinwoman.Paternalloveis,inman,theresultof

circumstances.Inherloveisaninstinct,inhimacalculation,ofwhich,itistrue,heisunconscious,but,inshort,itistheoutcomeofseveralotherfeelings."

"Thatisallveryfine;goon,"Isaid."Wehaveneitherheartnorbowels,wearefearfulsavages.Whatyousayismonstrous."AndIstirredthelogsfuriouslywiththetongs.

Yetmywifewasright,Iacknowledgedtomyself.Whenachildcomesintotheworldtheaffectionofthefatherisnottobecomparedtothatofthemother.Withheritislovealready.Itseemsthatshehasknownhimforalongtime,herprettydarling.Athisfirstcryitmightbesaidthatsherecognizedhim.Sheseemstosay,"Itishe."Shetakes

himwithouttheslightestembarrassment,hermovementsarenatural,sheshowsnoawkwardness,andinhertwotwiningarmsthebabyfindsaplacetofithim,andfallsasleepcontentedlyinthenestcreatedforhim.Itwouldbethoughtthatwomanservesamysteriousapprenticeshiptomaternity.Man,ontheotherhand,isgreatlytroubledbythebirthofachild.Thefirstwailofthelittlecreaturestirshim,butinthisemotionthereismoreastonishmentthanlove.Hisaffectionisnotyetborn.Hisheartrequirestoreflectandtobecomeaccustomedtothesefondnessessonewtohim.

Thereisanapprenticeshiptobeservedtothebusinessofafather.Thereisnonetothatofamother.

Ifthefatherisclumsymorallyinhisloveforhisfirstborn,itmustbeacknowledgedthatheissophysicallyinthemanifestationofhisfondness.

Itisonlytremblingly,andwithcontortionsandefforts,thatheliftstheslightburden.Heisafraidofsmashingtheyoungster,whoknowsthis,andthencebawlswithalltheforceofhislungs.Heexpandsmorestrength,poorman,inliftinguphischildthanhewouldinburstingadooropen.Ifhekisseshim,hisbeardprickshim;ifhetoucheshim,hisbigfingerscausehimsomedisaster.Hehastheairofabear


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threadinganeedle.

Andyetitmustbewon,theaffectionofthispoorfather,who,attheoutset,meetsnothingbutmisadventures;hemustbecaptivated,captured,madetohaveatasteforthebusiness,andnotbelefttoolongtoplaythepartofarecruit.

Naturehasprovidedforit,andthefatherrisestotherankofcorporalthedaythebabylispshisfirstsyllables.

Itisverysweet,thefirstlispingutteranceofachild,andadmirablychosentomove--the"pa-pa"thelittlecreaturefirstmurmurs.Itisstrangethatthefirstwordofachildshouldexpresspreciselythedeepestandtenderestsentimentofall?

Isitnottouchingtoseethatthelittlecreaturefindsofhimselfthewordthatissuretotouchhimofwhomhestandsmostinneed;thewordthatmeans,"Iamyours,loveme,givemeaplaceinyourheart,openyourarmstome;youseeIdonotknowmuchasyet,Ihaveonlyjustarrived,but,already,Ithinkofyou,Iamoneofthefamily,Ishalleatatyourtable,andbearyourname,pa-pa,pa-pa."

Hehasdiscoveredatoncethemostdelicateofflatteries,thesweetestofcaresses.Heentersonlifebyamasterstroke.

Ah!thedearlittlelove!"Pa-pa,pa-pa,"Istillhearhisfaint,hesitatingvoice,Icanstillseehistwocorallipsopenandclose.Wewereallinacirclearoundhim,kneelingdowntobeonalevelwithhim.Theykeptsayingtohim,"Sayitagain,dear,sayitagain.Whereispapa?"Andhe,amusedbyallthesepeopleabouthim,stretchedouthisarms,andturnedhiseyestowardme.

Ikissedhimheartily,andfeltthattwobigtearshinderedmefromspeaking.

FromthatmomentIwasapapainearnest.Iwaschristened.

CHAPTERXXVIII

BABIESANDPAPAS

Whenthebabyreachesthreeorfouryearsofage,whenhissexshowsitselfinhisactions,histastesandhiseyes,whenhesmasheshiswoodenhorses,cutsopenhisdrums,blowstrumpets,breaksthecastorsoffthefurniture,andevincesadecidedhostilitytocrockery;inaword,whenheisaman,itisthenthattheaffectionofafatherforhissonbecomeslove.Hefeelshimselfinvadedbyaneedofaspecial

fondness,ofwhichthesweetestrecollectionsofhispastlifecangivenoidea.Adeepsentimentenvelopeshisheart,thecountlessrootsofwhichsinkintoitinalldirections.Defectsorqualitiespenetrateandfeedonthissentiment.Thus,wefindinpaternallovealltheweaknessesandallthegreatnessesofhumanity.Vanity,abnegation,pride,anddisinterestednessareunitedtogether,andmaninhisentiretyappearsinthepapa.

Itisonthedaywhichthechildbecomesamirrorinwhichyourecognizeyourfeatures,thattheheartismovedandawakens.Existencebecomes


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duplicated,youarenolongerone,butoneandahalf;youfeelyourimportanceincrease,and,inthefutureofthelittlecreaturewhobelongstoyou,youreconstructyourownpast;youresuscitate,andarebornagaininhim.Yousaytoyourself:"IwillsparehimsuchandsuchavexationwhichIhadtosuffer,IwillclearfromhispathsuchandsuchastoneoverwhichIstumbled,Iwillmakehimhappy,andheshallowealltome;heshallbe,thankstome,fulloftalentsandattractions."Yougivehim,inadvance,allthatyoudidnotgetyourself,andinhisfuturearrangelaurelsforalittlecrownforyourownbrows.

Humanweakness,nodoubt;butwhatmatter,providedthesentimentthatgivesbirthtothisweaknessisthestrongestandpurestofall?Whatmatterifalimpidstreamspringsupbetweentwopavingstones?Arewetobeblamedforbeinggenerousoutofegotism,andfordevotingourselvestoothersforreasonsofpersonalenjoyment?

Thus,inthefather,vanityistheleadingstring.Saytoanyfather:"Goodheavens!howlikeyouheis!"Thepoormanmayhesitateatsayingyes,butIdefyhimnottosmile.Hewillsay,"Perhaps....Doyouthinkso?...Well,perhapsso,sideface."

Anddonotyoubemistaken;ifhedoesso,itisthatyoumayreplyinastonishment:"Why,thechildisyourveryimage."

Heispleased,andthatiseasilyexplained;forisnotthislikenessavisibletiebetweenhimandhiswork?Isitnothissignature,histrade-mark,histitle-deed,and,asitwere,thesanctionofhisrights?

Tothisphysicalresemblancetheresoonsucceedsamorallikeness,charminginquiteanotherway.Youaremovedtotearswhenyourecognizethefirsteffortsofthislittleintelligencetograspyourideas.Withoutcheckorexaminationitacceptsandfeedsonthem.Bydegreesthechildsharesyourtastes,yourhabits,yourways.Heassumesadeepvoicetobelikepapa,asksforyourbraces,sighsbeforeyourboots,andsitsdownwithadmirationonyourhat.Heprotectshismammawhenhegoesoutwithher,andscoldsthedog,althoughheisverymuchafraidof

him;alltobelikepapa.Haveyoucaughthimatmealswithhislargeobservanteyesfixedonyou,studyingyourfacewithopenmouthandspooninhand,andimitatinghismodelwithanexpressionofastonishmentandrespect.Listentohislonggossips,wanderingashislittlebrain;doeshenotsay:

"WhenIambiglikepapaIshallhaveamoustacheandasticklikehim,andIshallnotbeafraidinthedark,becauseitissillytobeafraidinthedarkwhenyouarebig,andIshallsay'damnit,'forIshallthenbegrownup."

"Baby,whatdidyousay,sir?"

"Isaidjustaspapadoes."

Whatwouldyou?Heisafaithfulmirror.Youareforhimanideal,amodel,thetypeofallthatisgreatandstrong,handsomeandintelligent.

Oftenhemakesmistakes,thelittledear,buthiserrorisallthemoredeliciousinitssincerity,andyoufeelallthemoreunworthyofsuchfrankadmiration.Youconsoleyourselfforyourownimperfectionsinreflectingthatheisnotconsciousofthem.


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Thedefectsofchildrenarealmostalwaysharrowedfromtheirfather;theyaretheconsequencesofatooliteralcopy.Provide,then,againstthem.Yes,nodoubt,butIaskyouwhatstrengthofmindisnotneededbyapoormantoundeceivehisbaby,todestroy,withaword,hisinnocentconfidence,bysayingtohim:"Mychild,Iamnotperfect,andIhavefaultstobeavoided?"

Thisspeciesofdevotiononthepartofthebabyforhisfatherremindsmeofthecharmingremarkofoneofmylittlefriends.Crossingtheroad,thelittlefellowcaughtsightofapoliceman.Heexaminedhimwithrespect,andthenturningtome,afteramoment'sreflection,said,withanairofconviction:"Papaisstrongerthanallthepolicemen,isn'the?"

IfIhadanswered"No,"ourintimacywouldhavebeenbrokenoffshort.

Wasitnotcharming?Onecantrulysay,"Likebaby,likepapa."Ourlifeisthethresholdofhis.Itiswithoureyesthathehasfirstseen.

Profit,youngfathers,bythefirstmomentsofcandoronthepartofyourdearbaby,seektoenterhisheartwhenthislittleheartopens,andestablishyourselfinitsothoroughly,thatatthemomentwhenthechild

isabletojudgeyou,hewillloveyoutoowelltobesevereortoceaseloving.Winhis,affection,itisworththetrouble.

Tobelovedallyourlifebyabeingyoulove--thatistheproblemtobesolved,andtowardthesolutionofwhichallyoureffortsshouldbedirected.Tomakeyourselfloved,istostoreuptreasuresofhappinessforthewinter.Eachyearwilltakeawayascrapofyourlife,contractthecircleofinterestsandpleasuresinwhichyoulive;yourmindbydegreeswillloseitsvigor,andaskforrest,andasyoulivelessandlessbythemind,youwilllivemoreandmorebytheheart.Theaffectionofotherswhichwasonlyapleasantwhetwillbecomeanecessaryfood,andwhateveryoumayhavebeen,statesmenorartists,soldiersorbankers,whenyourheadsarewhite,youwillnolongerbe

anythingbutfathers.

Butfilialloveisnotbornallatonce,norisitnecessaryitshouldbe.Thevoiceofnatureisavoiceratherpoeticalthantruthful.Theaffectionofchildrenisearnedanddeserved;itisaconsequence,notacause,andgratitudeisitscommencement.Atanycost,therefore,yourbabymustbemadegrateful.Donotreckonthathewillbegratefultoyouforyoursolicitude,yourdreamsforhisfuture,thecostofhisnursing,andthesplendiddowrythatyouareamassingforhim;suchgratitudewouldrequirefromhislittlebraintoocomplicatedacalculation,besidessocialideasasyetunknowntohim.Hewillnotbethankfultoyoufortheextremefondnessyouhaveforhim;donotbeastonishedatit,anddonotcryoutathisingratitude.Youmustfirst

makehimunderstandyouraffection;hemustappreciateandjudgeitbeforerespondingtoit;hemustknowhisnotesbeforehecanplaytunes.

Thelittleman'sgratitudewillatfirstbenothingbutasimple,egotisticalandnaturalcalculation.Ifyouhavemadehimlaugh,ifyouhaveamusedhim,hewillwantyoutobeginagain,hewillholdouthislittlearmstoyou,crying:"Doitagain."Andtherecollectionofthepleasureyouhavegivenhimbecomingimpresseduponhismind,hewillsoonsaytohimself:"Nooneamusesmesowellaspapa;itishewhotossesmeintotheair,playsathide-and-seekwithmeandtellsme


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tales."So,bydegrees,gratitudewillbeborninhim,asthanksspringtothelipsofhimwhoismadehappy.

Therefore,learntheartofamusingyourchild,imitatethecrowingofthecock,andgambolonthecarpet,answerhisthousandimpossiblequestions,whicharetheechoofhisendlessdreams,andletyourselfbepulledbythebeardtoimitateahorse.Allthisiskindness,butalsocleverness,andgoodKingHenryIVdidnotbeliehisskilfulpolicybywalkingonallfoursonhiscarpetwithhischildrenonhisback.

Inthisway,nodoubt,yourpaternalauthoritywilllosesomethingofitsaustereprestige,butwillgainthedeepandlastinginfluencethataffectiongives.Yourbabywillfearyoulessbutwillloveyoumore.Whereistheharm.

Donotbeafraidofanything;becomehiscomrade,inordertohavetherightofremaininghisfriend.Hideyourpaternalsuperiorityasthecommissaryofpolicedoeshissash.Askwithkindnessforthatwhichyoumightrightlyinsistuponhaving,andawaiteverythingfromhisheartifyouhaveknownhowtotouchit.Carefullyavoidsuchuglywordsasdiscipline,passiveobedienceandcommand;lethissubmissionbegentletohim,andhisobedienceresemblekindness.Renouncethestupidpleasureofimposingyourfanciesuponhim,andofgivingorderstoproveyourinfallibility.

Childrenhaveakeennessofjudgment,andadelicacyofimpressionwhichwouldnotbeimagined,unlessonehasstudiedthem.Justiceandequityareeasilybornintheirminds,fortheypossess,aboveallthings,positivelogic.Profitbyallthis.Thereareunjustandharshwordswhichremaingravenonachild'sheart,andwhichheremembersallhislife.Reflectthat,inyourbaby,thereisamanwhoseaffectionwillcheeryouroldage;thereforerespecthimsothathemayrespectyou;andbesurethatthereisnotasingleseedsowninthislittleheartwhichwillnotsoonerorlaterbearfruit.

Butthereare,youwillsay,unmanageablechildren,rebelsfromthecradle.Areyousurethatthefirstwordtheyheardintheirliveshas

notbeenthecauseoftheirevilpropensities?Wheretherehasbeenrebellion,therehasbeenclumsypressure;forIwillnotbelieveinnaturalvice.Amongevilinstinctsthereisalwaysagoodone,ofwhichanarmcanbemadetocombattheothers.Thisrequires,Iknow,extremekindness,perfecttact,andunlimitedconfidence,buttherewardissweet.Ithink,therefore,inconclusion,thatafather'sfirstkiss,hisfirstlook,hisfirstcaresses,haveanimmenseinfluenceonachild'slife.Toloveisagreatdeal.Toknowhowtoloveiseverything.

Evenwereonenotafather,itisimpossibletopassbythedearlittleoneswithoutfeelingtouched,andwithoutlovingthem.Muddyandragged,orcarefullydeckedout;runningintheroadwayandrollinginthedust,

orplayingatskippingropeinthegardensoftheTuileries;dabblingamongtheducklings,orbuildinghillsofsandbesidewell-dressedmammas--babiesarecharming.Inbothclassesthereisthesamegrace,thesameunembarrassedmovements,thesamecomicalseriousness,thesamecarelessnessastotheeffectcreated,inshort,thesamecharm;thecharmthatiscalledchildhood,whichonecannotunderstandwithoutloving--whichonefindsjustthesamethroughoutnature,fromtheopeningflowerandthedawningdaytothechildenteringuponlife.

Ababyisnotanimperfectbeing,anunfinishedsketch--heisaman.


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Watchhimclosely,followeveryoneofhismovements;theywillrevealtoyoualogicalsequenceofideas,amarvellouspowerofimagination,suchaswillnotagainbefoundatanyperiodoflife.Thereismorerealpoetryinthebrainofthesedearlovesthanintwentyepics.Theyaresurprisedandunskilled,nodoubt;butnothingequalsthevigoroftheseminds,unexperienced,fresh,simpl

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Monsieur, Madame, and Bebe — Volume 03 by Droz, Gustave, 1832-1895