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M THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS May 21, 2015B2 [ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]

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MArIlyN lAzArSpecial to the cJN

Disclaimer: this story is not about my wedding at all, but actually my daughter’s. And therein lie two im-

portant messages: Allow the bride and groom to express

their own vision for the day – it is their wed-ding, after all.

Also, it’s just a day. The marriage will fol-low, and on its tail, your lifelong relation-ship with your new extended family.

Although it is cumbersome and time con-suming, it is better to over-communicate than to risk leaving somebody out of the fold. Consult and involve your team as much as possible and hit “reply all” every time.

As mother-of-the-bride (henceforth re-ferred to as MOB), I was entrusted with translating my daughter’s fairytale vision into a real-life wedding. In addition to venue, band and décor, there were some ex-tenuating circumstances to consider - read diplomatic minefield. Individual though those circumstances may be, I believe there are lessons to be gleaned for future brides, grooms and POCs (parents of couples).

Although traditional weddings and nucle-ar families are quickly becoming the excep-

tion rather than the rule, our plan entailed some especially challenging circumstances. Both the bride’s and the groom’s parents are divorced. One is remarried with new, grown stepchildren to consider for the bridal party and seating. Levels of kashrut ranged from

nil to glatt. Serious illness cast shadow and doubt on the timing and proceedings. Yet somehow, we all sat happily together at the head table.

Only it was not a head table.Our numbers would have made a head

table unwieldy and we eschewed the for-mality. We opted for a “family table”, pos-itioned in the centre of the room, not raised, but delineated only by string lights above and giant candelabra trees below. This made us accessible to as many guests as possible. The table was square which enabled us to see, communicate and enjoy each other more easily than a traditional long table with families organized on either side of the bride and groom. Another option which circumvents crowding together a non-hom-ogenous group is the sweetheart table.

Both sets of parents agreed to walk down the aisle and speak at the podium together, symbolizing that although no longer mar-ried, we were still a team as far as their kids were concerned.

Much of the beauty and success was unique to our circumstances. Is there a teachable nugget here? In summary, I’ll say this: I did a lot of preparation beforehand to eliminate as many potential pitfalls as possible. I considered my own needs, but weighed them against everybody else’s. I stated my case, but only when necessary. And then, I opened my heart to the mo-ment, and the love poured in.

Sometimes out of the ordinary can lead to extraordinary. n

My big fat out of the ordinary wedding

THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS MMay 21, 2015 B3[ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]

M THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS MAY 21, 2015B4 [ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]

ELAINE COHENSUPPLEMENTS CO-ORDINATOR

Award winning author Leah Koenig’s new cookbook Modern Jewish Cooking: Recipes and Cus-

toms for Today’s Kitchen is a welcome addition to every home.

Her first cookbook, The Hadassah Everyday Cookbook: Daily Meals for the Contempor-ary Jewish Kitchen was cited for excellence.

Koenig, who resides in New York with her husband, Yoshie Fruchter, and their baby, Max, is an active member of the Jewish community. Her articles have ap-peared in national publications.

Cognizant of sophisticated culinary tastes, Koenig researched, tested and pre-sented a wide range of recipes. Her text is enhanced with Sang An’s photographs.

The hardcover book, distributed by Raincoast Books in Canada, is especially suited for newlyweds seeking recipes that embrace multi-ethnic culinary trends in keeping with Jewish tradition.

The recipes are easy to follow because Koenig clarifies each orderly step. Further-more, ingredients are accessible. The au-thor elaborates on Ashkenazi, Sephardi and Mizrahi Jewry. She relates anecdotes

from different sources. Furthermore, she notes basic equipment needed to run an efficient kitchen. Even veteran chefs will benefit from tips and notes placed at the beginning and throughout the book.

The author presents 11 chapters de-voted to breakfast choices; salads and spreads; soups; vegetables; noodles, mat-zah, grains, and beans; fish, chicken and meat; vegetarian mains; breads and pas-tries; cookies, cakes and other sweets; fill-ings and extras, and the holidays.

Moreover, she considers the time-crunch at breakfast. Homemade apple and honey granola is perfect for week-days mornings, whereas orange-scented cheese blintzes win out for family fare on weekends. Chicken is ubiquitous, yet chefs continuously seek colourful, tangy variations. Moroccan Chicken with Pre-served Lemons and Rosemary-Maple Roast Chicken exemplify the lineup of delectable dinner-time dishes.

“For many people,” Koenig says, “brisket is the Proustian madeleine of Jewish cook-ing....” Although people may be attached to bubbie’s brisket, Koenig takes pride in a version rooted in Rome’s Jewish commun-ity. Red Wine and Honey Brisket serves as her “nod” to stracotto.

A series of photographs serve as a boon to cooks trying to shape hamantashen and challah. Challah with Sauteed Leeks and Basic Challah suffice on their own but topped with Supremely Creamy Hummus, Matbucha and Chopped Liver offer the ul-timate in palate pleasers.

Koenig‘s dairy-free, gluten-free Or-ange-Glazed Cornmeal Cake is enriched with nuts and fresh citrus zest and juice. For those seeking exotic, easy-to assemble desserts, check out Koenig’s Ta-hini, Roasted Fig, and Pistachio Sundaes and/or Maple-Cardamom Roasted Pears.

Koenig offers multicultural take on cuisine

RAINCOAST BOOKS IN CANADA PHOTO

Rosemary Roasted Garlic For Challah

❏ 4 heads garlic, unpeeled, tops trimmed to expose cloves❏ 4 tsp. extra-virgin olive oil❏ 2 sprigs fresh rosemary

Preheat oven to 400. Place each head of garlic on a square of aluminum foil. Drizzle each with 1 tsp. olive oil and sprinkle the rosemary leaves evenly among the four heads. Wrap the garlic

heads tightly in their foil and place in a small baking dish.

Roast until the cloves are very soft and lightly browned, 35 to 45 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool to the touch. Serve whole heads of garlic alongside challah and instruct your guests to squeeze out the soft cloves and spread them on their bread. Store, covered, in the refrigerator for up to two days. Let it come to room temperature before using. Yield for two loaves of challah. ■



ELAINE COHENSuppleMentS Co-ordinator

W hether the life cycle event re-volves around a couple getting married or an adolescent being

called up for a bar/bat mitzvah, Rabbi Boruch Perton, spiritual leader at Con-gregation Beth Zion, customizes the cere-mony and auspicious occasion to comple-ment the celebrant’s personality, strengths and interests.

“There is always room for individualism as long as it is kept within the framework of Jewish law and tradition,” Rabbi Perton says. He recalls a sentimental wedding ceremony in which the groom serenaded the bride under the chupah.

Rabbi Perton is currently focused on an innovative bar/bat mitzvah project at Congregation Beth Zion, which includes a free group trip to Israel.

Seated in his study at Congregation Beth Zion, an Orthodox synagogue in Cote St. Luc, Rabbi Perton relates what sparked this exciting bar/bat mitzvah program and action packed trip to Israel. “Our aim at Beth Zion is to reach out to the entire Jew-ish community throughout greater Mont-real and welcome everyone, regardless of their level of observance,” he says.

Sharing Rabbi Perton’s desire to attract a broader demographic, an anonymous donor offered a generous incentive. Chil-dren enrolled in Congregation Beth Zion’s bar/bat mitzvah program are eligible for a free trip to Israel in July 2016. Parents are invited, and they receive a partial subsidy.

Participants called up for bar/bat mitz-vah services Saturday mornings between April 2015 and June 2016 are eligible. In addition, girls who celebrate their bat mitzvah at a special service on Sunday morning during this period are also in-cluded. Girls are called up at 12 and boys at 13.

Beth Zion will hold a Shabbat dinner for participants to get acquainted before the trip as well as a follow-up meal upon their return. The celebrants will also be invited to address the congregation and to partici-pate in other ongoing activities.

Students enrolled in the program con-stantly confer with Rabbi Perton while preparing to be called up for their bar/bat mitzvah. He oversees every aspect of the diverse program and interacts with teach-ers.

Formerly educational director at Hebrew Academy, Rabbi Perton is accustomed to working with children and parents. He ad-vises families to make arrangements well ahead.

Students are welcome at every level.

One recent participant had no prior Ju-daic background or knowledge of Hebrew but she was keen on learning. “I met with her and discussed the program and now she reads Hebrew, and volunteers at the Friendship Circle once a week. She also volunteered to clip off her hair and donate it for Locks of Love to furnish wigs for can-cer survivors.

“When called up, she will lead a special service and deliver a speech about the sig-nificance of her bat mitzvah.”

The rabbi says that many boys and girls attend Jewish day schools and are well versed in Hebrew and Judaic studies. They, in turn, are enlightened with a stimulating program.

In Israel, the children will be housed separately from the parents. For instance, at Beit Shemiel, the youth will sleep in a dormitory, whereas the parents will stay at an adjacent hotel.

“I want everyone to enjoy their Israel experience,” Rabbi Perton says. Plans include kayaking, hiking, camel riding, jeep touring in the south, exploring Kotel tunnels, lunching with soldiers at an army base, breakfast in the Old City and visiting Yad Vashem.

“My friend, Sheikh Samir Assi of Akko, has arranged a cultural exchange through sports in which the Jewish and Arab kids will play soccer.”

On Rosh Chodesh, the bat mitzvah participants will hold services with the Women of the Wall, whereas the bar mitz-vah counterpart will pray with the men at the Wall. n

For details, contact Rabbi Perton at 514-489-8411, ext. 27.

Bar/bat mitzvah program features trip to Israel

Rabbi Boruch Perton implements innovative

bar/bat mitzvah program at Congregation

Beth Zion. photo CourteSy of Congregation

Beth Zion

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my magnifique voyage



EllEN lECHTEr GrEENSpecial to the cJN

W hen Casey Shultz moved in with her boyfriend Stephen three years ago, she brought along

her bedroom furniture, a sectional couch, and her two-year-old cat Oreo. A year later when the couple became engaged, they decided to add a dog to their little family.

“Everyone thought we were crazy to take on more responsibility,” says Casey, 31. “Oreo is a great kitty but she has her quirks. She wakes every morning at 5 a.m., she has scratched both arms of my couch, and she can meow pretty loudly when she wants something.”

Still, the couple can’t imagine life with-out her. “Even though Oreo was my cat first, she adopted Stephen as easily as he adopted her,” she adds. “I could never be with someone who isn’t an animal lover.”

Stephen, now 30, grew up with an aller-gic sibling but knew a dog would also be in his future one day. “At first Casey wasn’t sure she wanted a dog because she was worried about Oreo’s reaction,” he says. “So we didn’t make the decision to get Karma lightly.”

The couple did its research and learn-ed how to introduce a dog into a house that already had an adult cat. Since nei-ther had had a dog before and both were working full time, they decided to avoid getting a puppy. Instead, they contacted a dog rescue agency in Toronto, were interviewed extensively, filled out the ne-cessary paperwork, and landed up with Karma, an eight-year-old golden retriever who had previously lived with a cat.

“So there we were, planning our entire wedding and having to deal with intro-ducing Karma to her new home,” laughs Casey. “It wasn’t easy.”

Karma arrived with her own set of quirks including becoming anxious when left alone for large periods of time. Luckily, Stephen can bring her to his office every day and Casey often meets them on her lunch break to take Karma for a walk. As for Oreo’s reaction, it was a non-issue.

“For about a week, Oreo was hissing and avoiding Karma,” says Casey. “But she soon realized this is the gentlest sweetest dog ever. All Karma wants is to give and receive love, and to know she has a forever home. When Oreo realized the dog wasn’t a threat she came around. Now we often

find them side by side sleeping on the couch.”

Planning a wedding and getting a dog simultaneously isn’t something the couple would recommend for everyone. “Plan-ning our wedding while getting Karma was hectic, I’m not going to lie,” she says. “But the point of getting married was not about the wedding. And having the dog

and the cat joining our lives together was ultimately what we wanted. They’re part of our family and we can’t imagine life without them.”

Melanie and Paul took in Paul’s father’s dog after the father had an medical emer-gency a week after their wedding.

Melanie says she initially had doubts, “but, someone had to take in his husky puppy and that someone turned out to be us,” she says.

“It was kind of like adopting a really ac-tive toddler who never listened.”

Her father-in-law was in the hospital for a month, and when he was released they all decided the puppy should remain with Melanie and Paul. “We were so attached and let’s face it, puppies are a lot of work. Now Paul’s dad visits his furry ‘grand-pup’ and then gets to leave him here.”

Luckily, Paul grew up with huskies and knew just how to train the puppy. “It’s funny but I think he brought us closer together,” says Melanie. “We spend so much time walking and playing with Dex. He accompanies us in the winter when we cross-country ski and in the summer when we bike. He’s our sidekick and com-pletes our family.” n

“I do” take your dog (and cat)

Older dog Karma was adopted while her new

owners were planning a wedding.


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F ormer Quebec Liberal MNA Paul Gérin-Lajoie may be recognized for serving as minister of youth as well

as minister of education in the 1960s but one happily married couple applauds his appearance at a public meeting as the launch pad for re-igniting a relationship.

When Sidney Margles first met Merle (née Elkin) in 1958, he was at McGill Uni-versity and she was at Sir George Williams (precursor to Concordia University). They dated for a while but later went separate ways to focus on other interests.

Sidney spent time in Boston studying public relations. As far back as his teens, Sidney remembers hanging out at CJAD radio station in Montreal. Addicted to the broadcast media, Sidney put aside his studies at McGill and accepted a full-time job opportunity in 1959 at CJAD. Sidney was a pioneer at CJAD, broadcasting live from the scene of air crashes, bombings, riots, fires and other events. He won num-erous awards, the most notable being for the TCA air crash in Ste. Thérèse in 1963.

When he reconnected with Merle at the Gérin-Lajoie meeting, Merle was working

full time, and immersed in evening cours-es at Sir George Williams. Sidney was a news broadcaster. Merle says the timing was right. A romance blossomed and by the fall of 1962, the couple was engaged.

Merle, at 21½, and Sidney, 24, wed on June 16, 1963, at Congregation Beth Ora. Their daughter, Susan, was born in 1966, followed by Elizabeth in 1968, and Melissa in 1971. Today, Merle and Sidney’s growing family includes sons-in-law and six grand-children ranging in age from 11to 18.

In 1974, Standard Broadcast News, for-merly parent owner of CJAD, asked Sidney to head up the company’s news operation, in Ottawa. Standard Broadcast News ser-viced more than 100 Canadian radio sta-tions. In 1981, Standard Broadcasting re-ceived CRTC approval for a radio station in Ottawa, and Sidney assumed the helm as vice-president and general manager.

While in Ottawa, Merle, along with other parents, lobbied for an all-day kindergarten at Hillel Academy. Their plea was answered in time for their youngest child. Merle re-entered the workforce. In the interim, she had completed a university degree and had been involved in the community.

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Learn together, pray together, sit together

Merle (née Elkin) and Sidney Margles wed June 16, 1963, at Congregation Beth Ora.

MargleS faMily pHoto

COntinuEd On nExt pagE


In 1984, the family headed back to Mont-real, where Sidney presided over Standard Sound Systems and ran Muzak until 1997. They re-settled in the Town of Mount Roy-al and Sidney’s interest in the community led him to seek municipal office. Subse-quently, he was served on the council for three consecutive terms.

Soon after their return, Sheila Finestone, then newly elected Liberal MP for Mount Royal, offered Merle an administrative position. “We knew each other from pro-jects at Federation CJA,” Merle says.

Merle ran Finestone’s office for 15 years. Finestone served as secretary of state for multiculturalism and the status of women in 1993 and was named a senator in 1999, whereupon Merle retired.

Despite heavy schedules, Merle and Sid-ney always considered quality time with family a priority. “We made every effort to sit down to dinner as a family,” Merle says. Ski-ing was another cherished family activity.

Merle describes herself as more “reflect-ive” than Sidney. “He’s more analytical.” Sidney observes they like to travel and share much in common.

Retirement has been gratifying. In 2003, the Canadian Communications Founda-tion commissioned Sidney to chronicle - for an Internet website - the history of Canadian news broadcasting. He was in-ducted into the Canadian Association of Broadcasters Hall of Fame in 2009.

In 2005, the empty nesters moved to Cote St. Luc. They spend winters down south. They are active in both locales. Sid-ney served as president of the CSL Senior Men’s Club for an unprecedented four years and co-presided for two years over the Canadian Club at Century Village in Deerfield Beach, Fla. Two years ago, Cote St. Luc named him volunteer of the year. This May, he received the Quebec Lieu-tenant Governor’s Medal for Volunteer Services for Seniors.

Asked for a tip for marriage longevity, the couple agree, compromise is key. n

Merle and Sidney Margles enjoy a special occasion with family. Margles faMily PHOTO

We made every effort to sit down to dinner as a family



P arents often welcome the oppor-tunity to book a long weekend when they are invited with the chil-

dren to attend a simchah held during the summer in Montreal. Instead of rushing in and out of the city, they are able to spend quality time as a family exploring scenic sites, shops and cultural centres.

Furthermore, Montreal is famous for its diverse international summertime fes-tivals. Here is a sampling of what’s in store for summer 2015.

Pointe-à-Callière Museum of Archeol-ogy and History: Built atop an archeo-logical site located in Old Montreal, the Pointe-à-Callière Museum is open all year. From May 29-Oct. 25, the museum will feature an exhibit titled The Aztecs, People With Sun. Among permanent exhibits and interpreted tours are Pirates or Privateers, archeo-adventure workshops and a multi-media show. School-age children partici-pate in re-enacting the world of Montreal privateer Pierre Le Moyne D’Iberville in the late 17th and 18th centuries. They learn the difference between a legitimate priva-teer and a sea bandit/pirate. For details on Pointe-à-Callière, Montreal’s History and Archeology complex visit www.pacmusee.qc.ca or phone 514-872-9150 for informa-tion on how to purchase a pass, which is accepted at 38 Montreal museums and is valid for three consecutive days.

IMAX Telus Montreal Science Centre is located in the heart of the Old Port. Cur-rent Imax documentaries in 3D include Jerusalem; Jean-Michel Cousteau’s Secret Ocean; and Pandas: The Journey Home. For information, phone 514-496-4629.

Montreal Museum of Fine Arts, 1380 rue Sherbrooke Ouest, presents permanent

and temporary exhibits and the complex boasts a library, theatre, auditorium, res-taurant and garden. From May 30-Oct. 18, sculpture aficionados can feast their eyes on Metamorphoses in Rodin’s Studio. For details, phone 514-285-2000 or visit www.mbam.qc.ca.

McCord Museum, 690 rue Sherbrooke Est, presents permanent exhibits such as The First People’s Collection that depicts the importance of dress in the develop-ment and identity of aboriginal commun-ities. Phone 514-398-7100.

Canadian Centre for Architecture (CCA), 1920 rue Baile in downtown Montreal, serves as an exemplary museum and study centre devoted to architecture, past and

present. The international research centre and museum was founded by Phyllis Lam-bert in 1979 on the conviction that “archi-tecture is a public concern.” The building was designed by Peter Rose with consult-ing architect Phyllis Lambert and associ-ate architect Erol Argun in 1989. The CCA Garden was designed by Montreal architect Melvin Charney. CCA was integrated with the historically classified Shaughnessy House (1874). For information on exhibits and events, visit www.cca.qc.ca.

The Segal Centre for the Performing Arts, 5170 chemin Cote Ste. Catherine is a multi-disciplinary arts institution. It houses the award-winning Segal The-atre, the Academy of Performing Arts, CinemaSpace Studio, Dora Wasserman

Yiddish Theatre and much more. Among upcoming features is a show featuring Emma Frank’s music on June 7, a music-al adaptation of Mordecai Richler’s iconic novel The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz from June 7-28, Broadway Cafe on June 8 and The Dybbuk from Aug. 9-27. For infor-mation, visit www.segalcentre.org

Montreal Holocaust Memorial Centre (MHMC), 5151 chemin Cote Ste. Cather-ine, serves as an eye-opener for people of all ages and backgrounds. Through guided tours and exhibits, visitors learn about the Holocaust and are sensitized to the perils of prejudice, anti-Semitism, racism, hate and apathy. MHMC promotes the sanctity of human life. For information, visit www.mhmc.ca

Out-of-town guests savour time to visit Montreal sites

Pointe-à-Callière Museum of Archeology and History interactive exhibit. CourteSy of pointe-à-Callière MuSeuM

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Montreal International Jazz Festival 36th edition will be held from June 26 to July 5 at various venues in downtown Montreal. The Guinness World Records rates the Montreal event as the world’s largest jazz festival. Two-thirds of the 1,000 concerts and activities are free. The events are presented in 15 concert halls and on eight outdoor stages in Mont-real’s downtown core. Colin James and Beth Hart are among this year’s featured performers. For information visit www.montrealjazzfest.com

Just for Laughs Festival takes place at venues in Montreal’s downtown core from July 8-28. The 33rd anniversary festival welcomes Bill Burr, Kevin Hart, Alonzo Bodden and many other artists from

around the world. For information, visit www.hahaha.com

Botanical Gardens, rue 4101 Sherbrooke Est, provides a floral paradise in the heart of an urban centre. The Insectarium de Montreal, 4581 rue Sherbrooke Est, pre-sents exhibitions for all age groups. Special guided activities and interactive programs are geared to children. For information on both places, phone 514-872-1400.

The Biodome, 4777 avenue Pierre de Coubertin, 514-868-3000, invites visitors of all ages to tour the facility’s ecosystems of the Americas, tropical rainforests, Lau-rentian maple forests, the Gulf of the St. Lawrence, the Labrador coast and the Antarctic Islands.

Mount Royal Park serves as a nature lover’s mountain view escape from the hustle and bustle of the city below. The urban park was designed in 1876 by Fred-erick Law Olmstead, also the architect for Central Park in New York City. The 200-hectare Mount Royal Park and Smith House are located at 1260 Remembrance Road. For more information, phone 514-843-8240.

Chateau Ramezay, 280 Notre Dame Est, relives 500 years of history through its exhibits. The Governor’s Garden was built in 1705 as the residence of Claude de Ramezay, governor of Montreal. Later the building became an army headquar-ters and in 1776 Benjamin Franklin paid an overnight visit. Chateau Ramezay was

designated a national historical site in 1949. For information, phone 514- 861-3708 or visit www.chateauramezay.qc.ca

Maison Saint-Gabriel, 2146 Place Dublin in Pointe Saint Charles, is a 300-year-old edifice that illustrates aspects of rural life. Over the years, it has served as a house to receive the King’s wards, a school, and a farmhouse. In 1965, Maison Gabriel was restored, declared a monument of na-tional interest, and transformed into a museum in 1966. The fieldstone barn was restored in 1992. Objects dating from the 17th century such as tools, furniture and paintings are displayed. Permanent and temporary exhibits plus guided tours are available. Visit www.maisonsaint-gabriel.qc.ca. n

Christine Jensen at Montreal International Jazz Festival deniS aliX photo Biodome photo CourteSy www.eSpaCepourlavie.Ca

Maison Saint-Gabriel photo CourteSy www.MaiSonSaint-gabriel.qC.CaChateau Ramezay photo CourteSy www.ChateauraMezay.qC.Ca

M THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS MAY 21, 2015B14 [ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]

THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS M

MAY 21, 2015 B15[ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]


Temple Emanu-El-Beth Sholomwill make your special day unforgettable!


At first glance, setting a simchah date seems simple but celebrants are advised to do their homework

to avoid disappointment. Besides study-ing Jewish and secular calendars, wise planners run the date by loved ones, close friends, clergy, and other principals before banking on their presence.

Career commitments, university exam-ination deadlines, pre-arranged surgery, tax time for accountants, busy seasons for retail merchants, pre-scheduled business trips are all bound to have an impact on the final decision.

Furthermore, some couples are so set on a certain venue or vendor that they defer the date until learning the respective place or source is available. Bar mitzvah dates depend on the Jewish calendar as well as the date of the child’s birthday. Since both sides of the family are involved in plan-ning a wedding, the consultation process is more intense.

In most instances, the celebrants’ circle of family and friends includes a number of out-of-towners. Therefore, it pays to flip through the calendar to figure out which national and/or international holiday weekends would work out well. The invi-tation may serve as an incentive for out-of-towners to extend a long holiday week-

end or plan a mini-family vacation around the date of a function.

For those planning a simchah in 2015, here is a sampling of Jewish holidays. Check with your synagogue and spiritual leader to be sure.

No Jewish marriages are permitted dur-ing the period of three weeks leading up and including the Fast of Tisha b’Av. This period takes place from July 3 to July 26.

Sept. 14 and 15, Rosh Hashanah; Sept. 23, Yom Kippur; Sept.28-Oct. 4, Sukkot; Oct. 6, Simchat Torah; Dec. 7-14, Chanukah.

Rosh Chodesh, the beginning of a Jew-ish month is an auspicious date for a couple to begin their married life together. Weddings are not held during Shabbat but

ceremonies can be performed after the conclusion of Sabbath at nightfall.

Tishrei 4-8 represents the 10 days of re-pentance, therefore, it is customary to refrain from scheduling weddings during this period. n

For more information, visit www.chabad.org

Study calendar before setting dates tevet



I n biblical times, Jewish fathers gov-erned their unmarried daughters until marriage. Subsequently, the husband

took over and the bride assumed a matri-archal role bearing children. By the Mid-dle Ages, the respective parties, namely father of the bride and the groom, signed an agreement. The wife’s place was in the home. Girls were betrothed in their early teens but their partners tended to be older.

The ketubah became recognized as a legal document to protect the bride. The bride’s family was obligated to provide a dowry and the groom was expected to offer a marriage gift. It was a husband’s duty to support his wife but part of the monetary share was put aside as a means of tiding her over in case he died or aban-doned her.

Judith Basken, editor of Jewish Women, delves into lifestyle modes throughout history. She notes first cousins or suit-able relatives were often considered ideal mates to retain prosperity within the family unit plus offer a sense of security for the bride. In regions such as Syria or

Egypt, marrying outside the family stood as an opportunity for families to establish connections and gain powerful alliances.

Authors Sholom Aleichem and Jona-than Safran Foer paint tales of marriages in central and eastern European shtetls. Matchmakers assumed an active role ar-ranging them. Women attended to do-mestic chores, looked after the children, and contributed to finances by developing businesses. Hence, their husbands were able to devote time to study.

By the turn of the century, arranged marriages were no longer de rigueur, es-pecially among families that had settled in North America. Many women worked in factories, replacing men called to the front during World War II. Otherwise, from the 1920s to the mid-’60s, a large percent-age of the female population were listed as homemakers. During this era, women were encouraged to get married in their early 20s, whereas today women tend to develop careers, travel and live independ-ently before settling down. Although women attended university long before the 1950s, more females pursued college degrees by the mid-1950s. American fem-inists Gloria Steinem, Germaine Greer and

Betty Friedan were among the early pro-ponents behind the women’s liberation movement in the 1960s. By the ’70s, the

pendulum had swung and women were encouraged to carve out careers and work outside the home.

Pre-1970, a high proportion of women resided with their families before mar-riage. Some families continue to respect these rules, but for the most part society recognizes an adult’s choice.

Although the “pink ceiling” prevails, more women have attained distinguished positions and entered legal and medic-al professions than ever before. Women in Quebec retain their full family name after marriage, whereas years ago they automatically assumed the husband’s surname. North American women pursue careers, and spouses share domestic dut-ies and child rearing commitments.

The Internet and social media serve as a medium for meeting future mates. In addition, people continue to meet through attending activities run by schools, syna-gogues, charitable organizations, sports and cultural centres. They are also intro-duced through friends and colleagues. As for Yenta the Matchmaker, an impressive fictional icon, don’t rule her out. Modern day matchmakers may use modern means but with a little luck achieve results. n

Marriages made in heaven take place on earth

ShutterStoCk photo



When Cheryl Besner and her hus-band of 25 years parted 4½ years ago, the Westmount mother of

three set out on a personal venture. Care-fully surveying the singles scene, Besner discovered a labyrinth of dating venues but sensed the need for an inclusive site with a personal touch.

“I wanted to create a hub for people,” she said. “We use experts in life to help us in every aspect of our health and education but when it comes to guiding us through dating sites, we lack expert guidance.”

Besner’s background in branding and her inherent flair for making connections stood her in good stead. Formerly in the fashion industry, Besner gravitated to planning high profile events and fundrais-ers, such as the Angel’s Ball for the Jewish General Hospital.

After a year of blogging on 365daysto-findlove.com, attending international conferences, achieving certification as a dating coach through the International Dating Coach Association, addressing audiences through the media and at

events, Besner was ready to carve her niche. She credits clinical psychologist and sex therapist Laurie Betito, as the catalyst behind her venture. Besner is on the panel of the Friday edition of Betito’s CJAD 800 radio show Passion.

Fast forward to 2015 and Besner’s brain-child, Solo in the City (solointhecity.tv), a multi-platform website is booming. The comprehensive site motivates singles to get out and network. “It’s important to devote one night a week to being social and interacting with people. That’s taking the dating site concept to another level.”

Besner prefers the term “solo” to sin-gle. Even people with partners do things alone, whether it’s taking a course or at-tending a meeting, she says.

The website solointhecity.tv includes KISS (Keep It Simple and Social), a cal-endar of monthly meetups and events in the city, videos, podcasts, a dating site, services, dating tips and blogs. Except for consultations and a fee to become a mem-ber of the dating site, visitors can access practically everything. A sampling of April KISS listings included a Passover dinner, “Butterflies are Free” at the Montreal Bo-tanical Gardens and Les Grandes Ballet’s

Anna Karenina. As for guidance, Besner addresses topics

such as the ABC’s of finding Mr. Right and dating tips for men, and she pro-vides a triple A list related to successful dating. The key words are “attention, attraction and affection.”

If you succeed in getting attention and retaining the attraction, then it’s up to you to decide if the affection is strong enough to make a full com-mitment. On a personal note, Bes-ner alludes to a “brief relationship” she had a couple of years after her separation. “We were dating but weren’t at the same place. He want-ed something more permanent but I wasn’t ready to make a commitment.”

Her target market is 35-to-55-year-olds but she is averse to pigeonholing people according to age.

Besner is cautious about venturing out of her realm. “I’m a dating coach not a psychologist or a therapist.” If warranted, she will direct people to seek professional help.

Solo in the City is constantly broadening its scope. Since March 21, Besner and Dan Delmar co-host Solo in the City on CJAD

800 at 10 p.m. every Saturday. The radio show features guests and discussions. “Dan is a 30-year-old bachelor, and I’m in my early 50s with two children in their 20s and a teenage son,” Besner says. “We may look at things from a different perspective and that’s of interest to our audience.”

The founding president of Solo in the City, Besner refers to herself as the Mont-real socialista. She takes pride in her team, which includes Toronto socialista Lisa Fuoco. n

Cheryl Besner’s brainchild blossoms: Solo in the CityCheryl Besner

SolointheCity.tv

photo


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JENNIfEr TzIvIA MACLEoDSpecial to the cJN

T here’s no place like home to cele-brate an anniversary, but for the many Canadians living in Israel

(25,000 according to estimates), Israel has become home – and a place to find and establish new anniversary traditions. Or, in the case of my husband and I, who made aliyah with our two youngest kids, a place where an anniversary can fall by the wayside in the overwhelming “balagan” of establishing a new life.

It wasn’t supposed to be that way. The Hebrew date of our wedding anniversary falls on the second day of the month of Shvat, easy to remember because schools and kindergartens are gearing up for Tu b’Shvat. Still, the date came and went, and nothing happened.

With our move here, we lost our free babysitters back in Toronto. But it’s not just about the money. It is more about finding someone we trust to babysit.

“We probably won’t be celebrating it of-ficially this year,” says my friend Rachel, who also moved to Israel, leaving behind in-laws who babysat.

That’s always been our default anniver-sary celebration, too – the dinner-date, maybe with a movie. With four children and busy lives, it’s always been very spe-cial to just take an evening off.

Rachel is more philosophical than I am. “The romantic… part for us is that we’re alive; we didn’t kill each other.” She’s only half-joking. “When you look back over what you’ve done… you’ve moved to Is-rael with a spouse. The fact that we’re still together, speaking to each other, loving each other deeply… it’s very powerful.”

Veteran Toronto oleh Stephen Epstein, who made aliyah in 2005 with his wife Alison and two young children, used a

special anniversary and milestone birth-day in November 2012 as an excuse to join in the Israeli national obsession and travel to Asia, in their case, to India with their daughters. “Israelis love to travel,” Stephen says. “In Canada, one can drive 1,000 miles to reach the Manitoba border. Here it takes less than two hours to get to the end of kvish sheish.” [Highway Six – a new road connecting northern Israel with the centre of the country].

A highlight of the visit for Stephen and Alison was a trip to the Elijah Rock, thought to be the location of a visit from Elijah the Prophet, considered sacred by both Bene Israel Jews and local Hindus.

For newer olim, like Rachel and myself, with travel generally made impossible by young children, ulpan studies, or renting an apartment, we have to find our ro-mance in less grand gestures.

“One of the things we do every anniver-sary,” Rachel told me, “is we review the last year, how have we done, how we are as a couple. We look back at what we’ve been through and where we are now. This past year, we returned to Israel. We were married in Israel, had intense experien-ces in Israel… and now we’ve brought our family back home.”

I look at my husband, across the table here on a Sunday morning workday in our tiny Haifa apartment, listening to the traffic and birds chirping outside, seeing the gently warm sunlight, and realize – we’re home.

There’s no candle in the middle of this table, no glatt kosher meal served by wait-ers, and soon enough, we’ll have to go pick up our kids from school. But in the mean-time, we don’t need to go anywhere else or do anything else. We have given ourselves the ultimate anniversary present this year. After two millennia, there’s nothing more romantic than coming home. n

Nothing more romantic than coming home, say olim

Northern Israel DafNa tal photo


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Rabbi Shalom Spira

“And you shall remember HaShem, your God, for it is He Who gives you the strength to act valiantly” (Deut. 8:18). This verse, which appears in our parshat ha-shavuah, is invoked by Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Mosheh, Orach Chaim 2:111) as justi-fication for human beings to draft insurance contracts. The Creator has given humankind the creative wis-dom to devise insurance programs that benefit society. The verse teaches us to draft commercially appropriate insurance contracts and that, while doing so, we must give thanks to the Creator for granting us the ability to conceive of these policies, Rabbi Fein-stein declares.

The same is assuredly true for drafting prenuptial agreements that champion the welfare of the righteous women of Israel. In the article “May we all be ‘Hartmanized’” that I was privileged to publish in The CJN on Jan. 19, 2012, I presented a proposal to that effect. Since then, I have received illuminating feedback from sagacious CJN readers recommending improve-ments to my essay. There is no greater compliment possible to this news-paper’s readership!

As such, the second edition – re-vised and corrected – of my propos-

al is now available at http://www.wepapers.com/Papers/443780/Pre-nuptial_Agreements.

My proposal essentially consists of two prenuptial agreements.

First, in order for a sefer keritut (bill of divorce required by Torah law to dissolve the marriage between two Jews) to be valid, there must be no financial coercion imposed on the husband. The first prenuptial agree-ment therefore, shields, the pro-spective bride and groom – before they contract their marriage – from any government legislation or

judicial decisions that may be interpreted as depriving the husband of money in the event of any marital disagreement. Such legislation/judi-cial rulings could render the bride an agunah, but a prenuptial agreement will presciently solve the dilemma by granting the bride and groom free-dom of religious conscience.

Second, in order to financially em-power the bride, she can be given (if the groom so offers before the wed-ding) a prenuptial agreement of tose-fet mezonot (enhanced daily allow-

ance), as was Rebecca our Matriarch, as recorded by Rashi in commen-tary on Genesis 27:9. Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetzky encouraged the imple-mentation of such a prenuptial agree-ment, but it’s necessary to diamond-polish Rabbi Kamenetzky’s proposal so that it conforms with the consensus of poskim. Under a modified version of Rabbi Kamenetzky’s scheme (pre-sented in my essay), every day that the husband and wife live in harmony, the husband would give his wife a large sum of money. (Of course, nothing is

given on the Sabbath or festivals.) The wife thus controls the

purse strings of the mar-riage. When marital harmony dissolves, although the wife is not

entitled to any further allowance, she now pos-

sesses the extensive wealth necessary to offer to pay her husband for a sefer keritut, which will be kosher if the husband so agrees.

Accordingly, let us thank the Creator who has given the readership of CJN and myself, working co-operatively together, “the strength to act valiantly” in publishing such a proposal to bene-fit the righteous women of Israel.

Rabbi Shalom Spira is spiritual leader of Congregation Kol Yehouda in Cote St. Luc, Que.

Rabbinic Ref lections

What do you know about Michel de Montaigne (1533-92)?

He was a nobleman, government official, mayor of Bordeaux and wine grower who lived in the Perigord area of southwestern Frances for six de-cades.

His mother descended from a Spanish Jewish family that lived in Aragon at the height of the Inquisi-tion in the late 15th century. Three members of his family were burned at the stake. They were prominent Marranos who had gone through the motions of conversion, but continued to practise Judaism secretly.

Daniel J. Boorstin, in his book The Creators writes, “The Marrano memory could not have been lost on Michel. He frequently expressed his sense of the injustice done to the Jews, which confirms his doubts on force as an effective agent of persua-sion.”

In recent years there has been a spirited renewal of interest in Mon-taigne and his singular achieve-ments.

For 36 years, a hideous religious civil war between Catholics and Protestants had turned France into

a charnel house.In 1571, having witnessed such

atrocities as “make me blanch with horror,” Montaigne retired from so-ciety. He built a quiet, bucolic study, began to write his essays and mod-estly adopted for his motto “Que sais je?” “What do I know?”

In her splendid recent book about Montaigne, Sarah Bakewell explains that there was no precedent in litera-

ture for his essays – casual, formalistic reflections. They

were mostly brief and “Into them he put whatever was

in his head: His tastes in wine and food, his childhood memories, his playful cat and the way his dog’s ears twitched when he was dreaming. All of this, as well as terse accounts of the political, social and religious events around him.”

He hated cruelty in any form. He abhorred bigotry and attacked the persecution of witches. He was so pantheistic in his vision that he could write, “There is… a certain re-

spect and a general duty of humanity not only to beasts that have life and sense, but even to trees and plants.”

What follows are ideas from his essays that provide the thrust of his thought on many subjects:• Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a flea, and yet he will make Gods by the dozen.• How many things that served us yesterday, as articles of faith, today are fables?• Few men dare publish to the world the prayers they make to Almighty God.• Nothing is so firmly built as that which we least know. • Fame and tranquility can never be bedfellows.• As to fidelity, there is no animal in the world so treacherous as man.• The man who tries to please the multitude is never done. • The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be self-sufficient.Emerson called Montaigne the most honest of all writers. He wrote, “Cut these words, and they would bleed.”

Boorstin, in summing up Mon-taigne’s life and thought, offers this tribute: “His enduring miracle to me is this, who picks up his essays in whatever time or circumstance finds them contemporary.”

A proposal on prenuptial agreements

Rediscovering Michel de Montaigne

Bernard Baskin

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D uring the ’50s and ’60s, teenagers flocked to join social clubs organ-ized by the YM-YWHA on Westbury

Avenue. Many got acquainted at co-ed dances and community events. Thelma (née Granitz) and Nathan Rabinowitz de-veloped a friendship at the Y and their re-lationship flourished.

After dating for a few years, Thelma, 19, and Nathan 24, celebrated their wedding at the Spanish and Portuguese Synagogue in 1961. The couple was blessed with a son, Jonathan, in 1963, and a daughter, Rhonda in 1967. Jonathan and his wife, Jody Raby, live in Florida. Rhonda and her husband, Steven Moses, live with sons, Matthew, 21, and Corey, 18, on the West Island.

With their 54th wedding anniversary on the horizon June 25, Thelma and Nathan agreed to take a trip down memory lane.

“Nathan and I had a nice social life when we were growing up,” Thelma said, “and since it wasn’t customary in those days to live together until after marriage, couples tended to get married young.” Thelma and Nathan both grew up in Montreal and hail from Ashkenazi backgrounds.

The adage, opposites attract, is applic-able, Thelma says. “Nathan is outgoing and always ready with a joke, whereas I tend to be quiet and more reserved.”

They are both family oriented. When the children were young they enjoyed family

ski outings. Now, they take pleasure in their grandchildren’s activities. Jewish holidays and simchahs are celebrated with children, grandchildren and rela-tives.

Thelma and Nathan initially settled in Chomedey but relocated to Cote St. Luc, when Rhonda enrolled at Dawson Col-lege. Nathan owned Alfa Plumbing Com-pany and worked in the industry for close to 40 years.

“I worked long days and responded to emergencies at all hours,” he says. Never-theless, he still made time to construct sets backstage for theatrical productions at the Young Israel of Chomedey syna-gogue. Subsequently, he was invited to perform on stage and went on to garner roles at other synagogues and organiz-ations. For more than 20 years, Nathan performed two shows a year for Dora Was-serman Theatre.

Thelma joined Pioneer Women (pre-cursor to Na’amat). In addition, she took courses and cultivated her bent for art. Her stunning sculpture graces their living room. She also volunteered at local schools. In 1985, Thelma, along with a co-partner, opened Athena, a store in Fairview. They also operated a branch in Cornwall, Ont. They sold cards, posters, plus framed and laminated pictures. Thelma always treasured Sunday as a family day, there-fore, when Sunday store hours became the norm in 1995, she opted to retire.

In retrospect, the social and commun-ity pursuits they had each managed to

squeeze into their respective schedules paved the way for a fulfilling retirement down south and in Montreal. Nathan con-tinues to master roles in Aviva Ravel pro-ductions in Florida and Montreal.

He created his own one-man show per-forming songs in Hebrew, English and Yid-dish. “I started off small but it’s grown to 40 or 50 shows at retirement homes and hospitals,” he says. In addition, he will perform in a Cummings Centre produc-tion slated for September.

Thelma and Nathan are ardent volun-teers at the Jewish General Hospital but

their days and assignments differ. “On Thursdays and Fridays, I greet patients and visitors,” Nathan explains. “Many people are nervous when they enter a hospital and I put them at ease.” Thelma volunteers at the orthopedic clinic on Mondays.

“By having our own interests, we always find something new to tell each other,” Thelma says. “We have always given each other space to do our own thing.” She be-lieves freedom to expand personal inter-ests is built on mutual respect and trust, which in turn fortifies a marriage. n

Freedom to pursue interests fortifies marriage

Thelma and Nathan

Rabinowitz appreciate their

social and family lifestyle.

rabinowitz faMily photo

Thelma always treasured Sunday as a family day


The Beth Zion wishes the Jewish communitya Healthy and Happy Passover


A fter the dignified bridal couple took their vows under the chupah, the poised groom lifted his left

foot and without any assistance shattered the glass. Although this custom is com-mon practice at the completion of every Jewish wedding ceremony, for this groom it marked a significant achievement.

Before engaging in a balance training program at the Wellness Centre, the astute 83-year-old lacked the agility, balance and stamina to perform this ritual.

However, like many younger members of Cummings Centre, 5700 Westbury Ave., he turned to a Wellness Centre custom-ized program for help. The first step in-volved a comprehensive assessment with one of the centre’s trained kinesiologists, who subsequently designed a program tailored to meet his needs.

The key to maximizing agility, balance, bone and muscle strength, as well as re-duce stress, is to choose an individual or group program of interest and follow it through, says Wellness Centre co-program manager, Annette Vézina, a clinical exer-

cise physiologist. Throughout the years, Vézina has wit-

nessed people in their 20s and 30s neglect themselves because they are so preoccu-pied with building careers and raising families. They may get away with it for a decade or so but gradually they lose strength and may develop problems that interfere with their daily routine.

The Wellness Centre caters to the 50-plus community, and Vézina, along with co-manager Maria Fragapane and the entire Cummings team, offers numer-ous multi-faceted individual and group programs for active 50-year-old business people as well as early retirees, part-time career people and seasoned retirees.

“Our gym program caters to a younger clientele,” Vézina said. “We have elliptical equipment and functional trainers on the floor that work core balance and strength simultaneously.”

A vigorous full body workout for a 51-year-old may differ from a drum and dance class to meet another need. Never-theless, she reserves praise for a number of members in their 80s, who have worked out for over 18 years. Their endurance is remarkable, she says.

Among the variety of wellness-oriented activities at Cummings are hiking clubs, day trips, brain booster workshops, di-verse aerobics programs , dance, yoga, Pilates, aqua fitness, boxing, muscular conditioning classes, as well as adapted programs geared to members recovering from surgery or adjusting to life with long-er-term conditions.

“Muscle loss starts at age 30 so by 50 there is quite a difference, and by the 60s, things start happening.”

She says people are invariably motivated when they set short-term goals and wit-ness positive results.

“Don’t say, ‘I’ll wait to begin until a few

weeks before an occasion or trip,’ and ex-pect immediate results because it doesn’t happen overnight.”

Although there is no magic cure, pain management can be improved through exercise and, if necessary, medication prescribed by a physician. “By gaining stamina, it’s possible to endure pain bet-ter because a lot of muscular conditions build up base endurance and strength. The long-term objective is better health to enjoy more quality years. Adhere to a steady routine but practice moderation. At Cummings, if members want to start a class, we offer them lots of choice and guide them all the way.”

Regardless of fitness level, it is important to remain active and involved in family and community life at every stage, Vézina insists. Life-cycle events and holidays are constant, therefore, parents and grand-parents have good reason to set short term goals. Every movement counts, wheth-er it’s being present at a grandchild’s bar mitzvah, participating in a family wedding procession, wheeling a grandchild’s stroll-er through the park, or getting in and out of an automobile. Vézina is pleased to re-spond to calls at 514-342-1234, ext. 7305. n

Fifty-plus population engage in family simchahs

Exercise enthusiasts gear up for family

simchahs. photo CourteSy of CuMMingS Centre


EllEN lECHTEr GrEENSpecial to the cJN

D estination weddings are growing in popularity and it’s easy to under-stand why. The chance to say ‘I do’

on a beach at sunset or on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean obviously has its appeal.

“I wanted to exchange our vows in a stunning location,” says Marlee Nathan, 33, who married her husband Matthew in the Bahamas this past winter. “I en-visioned us on a white sand beach, the ocean close by.”

Nathan wore a simple chiffon wedding dress with a floral one-shoulder strap. Her groom wore a sports shirt and off-white linen pants. Neither wore shoes. “I didn’t want to get caught up in planning one of those affairs that grows bigger with every day you plan it,” she says.

“Matt and I have very small families so we were able to keep the guest list small. We only invited family and our closest friends.”

Wedding packages can be intimate or grand, depending on your vision and budget. Many resorts offer packages that range from accommodating large af-fairs in luxurious reception halls to cas-ual beach parties, which is what Nathan chose. Typically, a destination wedding will be less expensive for the couple be-cause guests often pay for their own travel and accommodations.

“We were lucky. All our guests were able to celebrate with us,” says Nathan. “We said our vows and celebrated with them in an informal way over a span of a few days instead of just one.”

Of course, not every destination wed-ding is held on a tropical island. Popular locations include Europe, cruises, and even Disney World.

“Since our wedding coincided with spring vacation in March, we reserved blocks of rooms months ahead of time and we were able to receive a discounted rate for our guests.”

Nathan suggests sending save-the-date cards with airport, accommodation and

other necessary details. If possible, it’s also a good idea to check out the location prior to booking. “We weren’t able to visit the resort ahead of time but we were able to see many photos as well as videos of wedding packages they offered,” she said.

She also suggests determining a tenta-tive head count before making a down payment. “Since we didn’t invite many guests, it wasn’t hard to establish attend-ance from an early date,” she says.

“And by booking far in advance, we were able to get our first choice of resort and venue. Friends of ours decided to marry in the Caribbean at the last minute and they

really had to scrounge around to find the resort that could accommodate them.”

As well, be sure to research local mar-riage requirements thoroughly before set-tling on a location and make sure to apply for or renew your passport before your trip. By planning carefully in advance, you can concentrate on what’s important on the big day.

“Our wedding was everything we dreamed of, and more,” she says. “It was both a wedding and honeymoon in one. It was also a unique opportunity for us to create memories with our loved ones that we will cherish forever.” n

Ceremony, celebration and honeymoon all in one

The ideal location for the couple’s sunset ceremony took place right on the beach.

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ANITA SzABADI-GoTTESmANSpecial to the cJN

T he groom’s shoe choice on his wedding day punctuates his sense of style, whether wearing a classic

tuxedo or fashion forward suit. It is im-portant to put his best foot forward as he walks down the aisle, and there are many options.

For a more casual beach-side or rustic wedding, a leather loafer or boat shoe would perfectly offset a pair of khakis or Bermuda shorts. For the groom choosing the classic tuxedo and bow tie, the appro-priate choice in shoewear reflects not only his personality but finishes off the look. Stick with a lace up or slip on, focusing on comfort and support. Black remains the colour of choice. Navy blue leather adds a bit of panache or the groom may bring out his whimsical side with a pair of blue suede shoes.

Giving a nod to the bride in her white gown, some grooms will go with all white leather shoes or Lacoste’s combination of

a black base and white top. Prada has de-signed a black shoe with white flower de-tail. Many other top-shelf designers have included wedding shoes in their 2015 col-lections. Jimmy Choo highlights a com-fortable slip-on black glitter shoe to ramp up the groom’s style.

Look for a non-skid sole to avoid slip-ping on the dance floor. The sole should be stitched rather than glued and be at least ¼-in. thick. The groom can show some of his unique style with a clas-sic black shoe sporting a coloured sole matching the wedding décor. Cole Haan features a classic black lace up with a hot pink sole and matching pink laces.

Standing the test of fashion time is the black patent leather shoe. This elegant shoe features a high gloss finish that punches up the look for the day. Black patent is durable and very easy to keep clean. A damp cloth and mild soap is all that’s needed to wipe off dust or dirt.

Finding the right shoe with the right fit requires the services of a seasoned shoe salesman. Shop specialty stores that have

a solid reputation in the shoe business. A good pair of shoes generally falls into a higher category price point but with proper care will last the wearer for dec-ades. Purchase a pair of cedar shoe trees to properly store your shoes.

GQ Magazine provides the following tips for shoe care:

Place cedar shoe trees in shoes after each wear to soak up sweat and odours.

Purchase two sets of laces and replace as needed so that shoes never look ratty or sloppy.

Wipe shoes down after each wear paying careful attention to salt or other stains.

Use high-quality replacement soles and don’t wait too long to re-sole as some damage is irreversible.

Store shoes away from any heat source so the leather will not dry out. n

Grooms put best foot forward in classic shoes

Black patent leather shoes remain a classic choice for the groom on his wedding day.

aNita Szabadi-GotteSMaN photo

Patisserie Irisistible Par Loutati3855 Boul DecarieMontreal, QC H4A 3J6514- 488-8500

Patisserie Irisistible Par Loutati 3855 Boul Decarie Montreal, QC H4A 3J6 514- 488-8500

Patisserie “Irisistible” Par Loutati opened its doors this past March with its first location on Decarie Boulevard in NDG in our beautiful city of Montreal. It was named after the owner, Iris Loutati. Although this is the first shop of its kind, Iris has previously owned with her late husband, Prosper Loutati z”l, “Tradition Catering” and “Exception Boutiques” for over 20 years. Furthermore, she has taken with her all that she has learned to love and injected it into this new venture. The shop’s intimate environment and superior product is quickly becoming a favorite in the Montreal community. Patisserie “Irisistible” is a charming pastry shop specializing in traditional and signature French Pastries. Take a step into their lovely shop and be dazzled by an overwhelming array of French special occasion cakes (including wedding cakes), individual pastries, viennoiseries, chocolates and a large array of macarons that are made daily, on premise. Moreover, all the products are Kosher Pareve, which are products without dairy or meat ingredients. There are a wide variety of gluten free products as well. They also offer an outstanding selection of espresso, coffee and lunch items daily, consisting of fresh, made to order salads, sandwiches and soups. On Sundays, they serve a Mediterranean breakfast that will be available to order all day. They look forward to impress your palettes!

Patisserie “Irisistible” Par Loutati opened its doors this past March with its first location on Decarie Boulevard in NDG in our beautiful city of Montreal. It was named after the owner, Iris Loutati. Although this is the first shop of its kind, Iris has previously owned with her late husband, Prosper Loutati z”l, “Tradition Catering” and “Exception Boutiques” for over 20 years. Furthermore, she has taken with her all that she has learned to love and injected it into this new venture. The shop’s intimate environment and superior product is quickly becoming a favorite in the Montreal community. Patisserie “Irisistible” is a charming pastry shop specializing in traditional and signature French Pastries. Take a step into their lovely shop and be dazzled by an overwhelming array of French special occasion cakes (including wedding cakes), individual pastries, viennoiseries, chocolates and a large array of macarons that are made daily, on premise. Moreover, all the products are Kosher Pareve, which are products without dairy or meat ingredients. There are a wide variety of gluten free products as well. They also offer an outstanding selection of espresso, coffee and lunch items daily, consisting of fresh, made to order salads, sandwiches and soups. On Sundays, they serve a Mediterranean breakfast that will be available to order all day. They look forward to impress your palettes!


ANITA SzABADI-GoTTESmANSpecial to the cJN

F ormal tuxedo dressing requires a French cuff white shirt for the groom, best man and groomsmen.

The French cuff shirt was designed more than 100 years ago with long cuffs that could be folded over and made shorter for the wearer. Most often a working man, he adjusted the shirt to the appropriate length secur-ing it with laces or string as the precursor to the cufflink.

With the arrival of the button cuff shirt, the French cuff lost favour with the work-ing classes. The unique design of the French cuff shirt has however stood the test of time, having garnered a new place from its modest beginnings.

Over the last century, the shirt gained traction with the upper classes of the United Kingdom and France including England’s Duke of Windsor. It was re-born as an elegant shirt to be worn and adorned with cufflinks most often for special occasions.

While some men choose to wear shirts with cufflinks for office wear, French cuff

shirts are the preferred pairing with a for-mal tuxedo.

Cufflinks are another stylized acces-sory in a man’s wardrobe that define his style and reflect his personality. The vintage silk knot is a good place to start

for business attire but for the groom and his wedding party, it’s fun to ramp it up. Structured with a pivot closure on a chain or stationary arm, the possibilities are seemingly endless for material, colour and design.

Materials include crystal, often featur-ing Swarovski elements, mother-of-pearl, Murano glass and an array of colourful gemstones and more set on a stainless steel, sterling silver or karat gold base. They can be personalized to include the grooms’ monogrammed initials.

For the groom wanting to add a bit of panache to his formal outfit, he can ex-press himself with a pair of cufflinks that reflect his favourite sports team or pas-time.

The range of cufflinks in the market-place run from novelty styles in cigar- shaped cufflinks and golf ball and clubs to simple round or square classically in-spired choices.

As a thoughtful nod to his bride, the groom may choose a pair of floral cuff-links to match her bouquet.

While most department stores and specialty jewellers carry a selection of cufflinks, one-of-a-kind designs can be custom made or found on line through individual designers or on collective sites such as Etsy.

Cufflinks to wear on his wedding day, chosen and offered as a gift by his bride-to-be, add special meaning to the day. n

Cuff shirts with cufflinks for groom and groomsmen

Whimsical cufflink design choices, such as the sailboats pictured left, reflect the groom’s

personality or interests. Monogrammed cufflinks as a special gift from the bride to her groom

add meaning to the wedding day. aNita Szabadi-GotteSMaN photoS

ELAINE COHENSUPPLEMENTS CO-ORDINATOR

Y ou are what you eat has become the mantra for health-conscious consumers in the 21st century.

The proliferation of beauty products, miracle diets and makeover concepts is mind boggling. Therefore, it is refreshing to discover Philadelphia author Jolene Hart’s simplified holistic approach to diet and exercise. Hart equates beauty with overall wellness.

Eat Pretty: Nutrition for Beauty Inside and Out is a 208-page succinct, read-er-friendly pocket guide that informs without promoting pricey products or presenting hypothetical success stories. Distributed by Raincoast Books in Can-ada, Eat Pretty includes nine chapters highlighting beauty betrayers, beauty nutrition 101, a beautiful kitchen, and chapters covering spring, summer, au-tumn and winter seasonal choices, and beauty beyond the dinner plate.

The information applies to women in all age and interest groups. It is particu-larly timely for people appearing in the spotlight at events, such as weddings. The bride, her mother and other partici-

pants in the ceremonial procession will no doubt devote time and effort to look-ing their best. To ensure a neat presence, they are most likely to gear up for the oc-casion several weeks ahead. Therefore, they are bound to garner tips from read-ing Eat Pretty.

Hart started off as a journalist and beauty editor, and throughout the years her work has been published in People, Allure, Organic Spa, Prevention and In-Style magazines.

The nature of her profession presented opportunity to sample distinguished beauty products. Nevertheless, she failed to achieve optimum results until she adopted a wholesome approach to beauty, diet and exercise. Certified by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and the American Association of Drugless Prac-titioners, Hart is determined to provide women with the tools to create a unique, healthy lifestyle of beauty.

Eat Pretty zeroes in on 85 accessible everyday foods paired with specific glow-getting benefits. The author clari-fies buzzwords such as antioxidants, bio-tin, and omega-3s without resorting to medical jargon. She provides beauty tips and recipes apropos for every season.

In addition, Hart notes breathing and meditation exercises to relax muscles and boost circulation. Conversely, she targets sugar, processed foods and alco-hol as “beauty betrayers” that set people up for emotional eating. A proponent of beauty sleep, Hart shuns “sleep sabo-teurs” such as after dinner caffeine-laden stimulants and blue lights coming from laptop or other digital devices. Warm milk and bananas will boost health and satisfy bedtime hunger, she says, whereas dark chocolate and alcoholic beverages add useless calories. Addressing individ-uals who fret over things when it’s time to go to sleep, Hart suggests adding jottings to a notebook and keeping the notebook out of the bedroom. Instead, relax in a warm bath and then hop into a comfort-able bed.

A sampling of items that rank high on Hart’s list, include apples, carrots, celery, radishes, raspberries, and walnuts.

Hart advocates walnuts as a supple skin snack. “Raw walnuts are full of beautify-ing fat, protein, and minerals that guard our skin and hair against harsh dry win-ter weather. Just one ounce of walnuts has more antioxidants than the average person consumes in a day.” ■

THE CANADIAN JEWISH NEWS MMAY 21, 2015 B25[ W E D D I N G S E T C . . . ]

Beauty editor turns health coach and shares findings

The information applies to women in all age and interest groups


SHIrlEy KEllErSTEINSpecial to the cJN

J oe was my blind date number 3. I was his blind date number 10. His four-year relationship had come

to an end one month before the planned wedding and he was now having a won-derful time with his new bachelorhood.

I had been living in Israel for two years and was now home for the summer holi-days. I was making arrangements to have what I would need shipped to Israel. That’s where I planned to spend the rest of my life.

It was July of 1980. My mother, may she rest in peace, had missed me terribly while I was gone and got it into her head that if I fell in love, I would stay in Toronto.

She used to play cards with all the other “greenes” at Earl Bales Park and she let everyone there know the situation. She asked their help to find a man for me. I chuckled at the idea of “being peddled in the park” and indulged her. I had no in-tention of staying here, but I couldn’t be with my friends every evening and had

no problem with the idea of a pleasant evening out.

Before Joe was supposed to pick me up, blind date number 4 had called. He was so obnoxious on the phone that I refused to go out with him. When Joe called to say he was delayed and if I preferred, we could go out another time, my answer was, “No, let’s get this done and over with.” I let Mom know that I would not go out on any more blind dates.

From the very beginning there was a level of comfort I had never experienced with another man. Joe didn’t have a car, and we walked to a local restaurant for coffee. It was like we had known each other all our lives. We met at the end of July and we spent as much time together as possible. We had a wonderful time.

The day before I was scheduled to leave, Joe told me he loved me and would wait for me to come back. He gave me a lovely bracelet. He also gave me a letter to read after I left. I was shocked, and answered that he was a good guy but my life was in Israel and I wasn’t going to change my plans for a man.

Blind date number 3 is a keeper

Shirley and Joe on their wedding day

Continued on next page

That evening, at my going away party, all I could think about was Joe’s declara-tion. On the plane, I opened his letter which I almost couldn’t read, his hand-writing was so bad. But I did manage to make most of it out and he reiterated what he had told me. Joe was, and is, the romantic in our relationship.

Back in Israel, I realized how much I missed Joe. When I confided in my dear friend, Sonya, she told me, “You’re crazy. Israel will always be here for you. Joe won’t always be waiting.” Two weeks after my return to Israel, I phoned Joe and asked him if he wanted me to come home. His answer was, “Go for it.”

We were engaged on Remembrance Day, about a month after my return.

We have celebrated our 33nd anniver-sary and to this day I thank Sonya for her wise advice, and Mom for “peddling me in the park”.

the WeddingThe wedding date was July 1, 1981.

During the two years I was in Israel, I lived a very simple and pared down life. The thought of a formal wedding did not appeal to me at all. I wanted a party – a celebration that included our closest friends and family. When Sara, my older sister, offered her home for a backyard wedding, it seemed perfect.

My parents vetoed the idea, feeling that they could not have a small wedding and exclude some of their friends and “lands-men”. After quite a bit of conflict, Sara once again came through for me. She somehow convinced my parents that a backyard wedding could be elegant.

Looking back, I am shocked at how un-involved I was in the planning. I had an idea of what I wanted, and it didn’t really occur to me until my own sons’ bar mitz-vahs how much effort was involved. My father chose the invitations. Sara, know-ing what I wanted, planned the whole wedding, insisting on my approval of all the details.

I wasn’t going to change my plans for a man


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Shirley and Joe today

The day dawned dark and gloomy. Joe had to go up to Sara’s house twice to help move the tables and chairs: The first time, downstairs to the basement because it was raining, the second time, back out to the backyard because it seemed the sun had come out to stay. Including our-selves, there would be 100 people there that night.

Sara had accounted for the bad weather

and figured that between the living room, dining room and basement there would be enough space.

Our wedding was perfect. The chupah, on the backyard patio was held by Joe’s brother, my brother and Joe’s two closest friends. Sara was my matron of honour. Daphna, my youngest niece was my flower girl. There was no colour scheme and I didn’t care if the attendants wore match-

ing dresses or suits. The guests were either standing around the chupah or seated at the tables which had been rented for the older people.

My parents led me to the chupah through the crowd. We had a violinist and accor-dionist play at the wedding and party. I chuckle at some of the things I remember. The only guests I didn’t recognize were a close friend of Joe’s who had come in from Ottawa with his fiancée, and the backyard neighbours who were standing on their deck, drinking beer and watching the cere-mony. For me, the ceremony was perfect.

After our required time alone, Joe and I returned to the crowd. The three speeches were made while everyone was still in the backyard – my father’s, my brother who gave the toast to the bride, and of course, Joe’s.

After that, the party began. The chupah

had been called for 7:30 p.m. It was going to be a cocktail party. The caterer, realiz-ing that “greenes” would be there, said that hors d’oeuvres alone would not be enough, so we also had two carving sta-tions. We later had a beautiful dessert table set up in the dining room and, of course, unlimited booze.

The party was intimate, wonderful, totally spontaneous and fun. The musi-cians roamed, playing different music de-pending on the crowd. My friends broke into dance on the patio. Later in the even-ing when my parents and their friends went down to the basement they sang Yid-dish songs accompanied by the musicians.

There were people in every room of the house and our guests moved easily from room to room, from outside to in, ming-ling, talking and laughing. The last guests left after 2 a.m. n

The party was intimate, wonderful, totally spontaneous and fun


Dreams Come True

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Share your wedding day withSheraton Montreal Airport Hoteland your honeymoon is on us.

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For more information contactAngela Torti, Wedding Specialist: [email protected]

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M˜˚˛˝˙ ˆ˜ Tˇ˘ ˛˝˙: 4058 J ˝˚ T˝ ˜˚ W ˆ (514) 875-4800 …...Allow the bride and groom to express their own vision for the day – it is their wed - ding, after all