Module 9 - BONUS the a-Z Guide to Getting Over a Break-up

7/27/2019 Module 9 - BONUS the a-Z Guide to Getting Over a Break-up

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One-in-a-Million WOMAN


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BONUS MODULE 9

Getting Over a Break-Up A-Z Quick Guide

A.

Allow yourself to cry and grieve after analyzing your role in the relationship break up

analysis tool examine each one of those emotions

B.

Become the type of lover that you want

C.

Commit to loving yourself

D.

D !" Call #our $x for at least %& days

''if you can make it to %& days (and #) CA!*+ then you will make it without your ex

$.

$at right and exercise

,.

,igure out the kind of person you want

-.

-ive time and attention to other people find a child to love

.

ope that you/ll feel better soon

0.

0nvest in yourself

1.

1ust take it one day at a time

2.

2eep a 3ournal about your feelings

4.

4earn about dating


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you/ll be more confident

5.

5ake time for dating yourself

!.

!ever think that you won/t get over this relationship break up because you will

.

pen up to someone6 anyone

7.

7lease yourself

8.

8uit thinking about what you lost. ,ocus on what you have.

9.

9emind yourself how awesome you are

:.

:mile and be nice to yourself

".

"alk about the good in your life

).

)se this time to get hot; healthy; and happy

'amine your fears6 the other side of them is where your love lies

#.

#ou will find love again. old that thought in your mind.

?.

?one out when you need to


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Dealing wit L!neline"" --- S#E$%AL &E#O&'

() % (r!te 'i" B!!k

=elcome; my dear readers*

0f you are feeling lonely as you are reading this; you are not alone. "he reason why 0

put this book together is because 0 know what it is like. 4oneliness is a topic that is very

close to my heart because 0 have been through the depths of empty; meaningless

feelings many times and 0 am not new to that kind of feeling.

0 have felt every gripping moment of it. "he long; long hours which seems like days;

the lonely nights where 0 weep in silence; drenching my pillow salty with tears; the

lack of desire to face the next day and the thought of wanting to end it all*

0t doesn/t matter if you have a boyfriend or husband. !o matter how close you arewith them; there are parts of you that they 3ust don/t understand* "he pain doesn/t

fade after confiding with your best friend; your group of buddies; or even your

counselor* !obody seems to understand you yet you want them to feel your pain.

0 empathize with you; my friend. 0 truly do.

But 0 have good news for all of us lonely hearts out there. 0 have survived through and

0 have a way to solve it if not ease the pain at least.

5y stories and writings in this book aim to accomplish a few things@

)nderstanding the theory behind loneliness to better understand yourself

)nderstanding the feelings associated with loneliness

Developing a healthy feeling of love to help you overcome problems


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7ractical steps to break the lonely cycle

9eplace the feeling of loneliness with healthy thoughts

0t is my sincere wish that after you read this book; you will be better euipped to copewith loneliness. $ven if you don/t feel lonely; maybe you know someone who is. )se

this information to help them and make their world a better place.


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All Al!ne*

$veryone in the world has felt this emotion one time or another. $specially in these

times rapid technological growth the feeling of loneliness is rapidly increasing.

,irstly; we must clarify what loneliness means.

L!neline"" is an emotional state. "his is a state where people experience adisconnection from people around them as well as a deep feeling of emptiness;

which renders their present company around them meaningless.

"hat person could be in a big crowd or by herself; married or single; young or old.

"hey basically find it very hard to connect with others and experiences emancipation

from meaningful relationships.

"his is not to be confused with being al!ne.

Being alone does not euate to being lonely because sometimes it is good for a

person to be alone and at times it could be very refreshing as the person has the

opportunity to refresh; recuperate and rediscover part of our lives.

=hat are the common symptoms of being alone; if you are reading this book 0 bet

you might be feeling one of these symptoms.

#ou think your problems are so uniue that other people do not understand As a result; you feel that other people in the world has friends and you don/t

#ou feel extremely self'conscious in everything you do

#ou feel that when you do something wrong; you get extremely embarrassed

=hen you are in a crowd; you feel drowned by their voices

#ou feel disconnected with the crowd even though you are with them

,eeling shy and scared of others

$xperiencing low self'esteem


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,eeling angry; defensive and critical at everything even if it is not directed at

you

Afraid of strangers and refuse to talk to engage in a hearty conversation

Being convinced there is something wrong with you

,eeling anxious and sad believing no one knows how miserableisolated youfeel

4osing your capacity to be assertive feeling EinvisibleE

9efusing to accept change and don/t want to try anything new

,eeling as though nothing else matters and contemplating suicide


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$r!wded +et %"!lated

$ver had that feeling that your man 3ust doesn/t understand you #our spouse or

significant other is right beside you yet it doesn/t fill that gap.

#ou may be surrounded by many people; yet their company Fdrowns/ you deeper

into loneliness*

7eople feel that way because we are all uniue and different. #ou see@

"here is no one in the entire universe that will have the same personality; ideas; way of

life and needs like you. !!$* !ot even twins* ow can anyone fulfill all those needs

to cater every individual

"here us a uote from the bible that says if 0 try to remove the speck from my

neighbor/s eye; 0 must first remove the plank from my =! eye then 0 can see clearly

before 0 attempt to remove his speck.

,!w d!e" ti" appl)

By understanding that other people are not obliged to fulfill our needs; we somehow

learn to expect less from others and it eases the pain; because we stop expecting

more from others* =e learn to accept them better and 3udge others less so it creates

the first step to curing loneliness giving others slack*

9emember that we are the sum of the five people we spend most of our time with.

0f you are mixing with a crowd that is negative and makes you feel down all the time;

it is no surprise why you are lonely and negative. 0t is no surprise that children move


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out from their homes away from negative parents or stop interacting with certain

groups of friends all together. Don/t let the poison drain your energy.


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E.!ti!nal #ain" in a l!vele"" (!rld

ow does the agony of loneliness seem to penetrate the hearts of men and women

throughout the world $ven superstars who have been the icon of generations and

admired by millions feel unfulfilled (e.g. Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain+

"he feeling of loneliness is radically due to the failure of man in loving others. "he

symptoms of loneliness magnetize the effects of the pain to the extent that it forces

the focus of attention more on ourselves and creates a self'preoccupation that

creates an obstacle to love others.

$ver had a stomachache =ho are you thinking of at that moment

"his illustrates the point that we are only thinking of ourselves. 0t shows a terribly pain

filled world in which we live in.

,urthermore; the pain does go away like a stomachache. "he so called 5id'life crisis

is turning more into a Fyoung adult/ crisis now with suicide rates hitting the roof and

most diseases in the world today mentally induced or cured in psychiatric wards.

"he basis of trust between people is eroding and less and less people are opening up

to one another. By failing to open up to others; the lonely symptoms spring up as

other people will not open up to you if you do not open yourself to others first.

0t is said that if you want to be surrounded by friends; be a friend to others first.


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L!ve / 'e 0er12 N!t 'e 3eeling

4ove; or rather the lack of it constitutes the loneliness breeding in a person/s heart. 0t is

a scary fact to note that we are largely shaped by others (remember the sum of five

people we spend most of our time with+ who hold our destiny in "$09 hands.

=e are what we are today a product of those who loved us or have refused to love

us.

4ove gives life to others. But what is most important is to remember is that in order to

love someone else effectively; we must love ourselves first* #ou can/t give what you

don/t have*

#ou may think you Flove/ a beautiful girl or a handsome guy if you don/t love yourself

(there is a song that goes@ I am nobody until I met you or my life is meaningless until

you came into the picture) but that is not love.

#ou may admire that person because he or she is good looking; you may worship

that person because you think he or she is better; you may even sacrifice your life for

him or her for your own selfish; self'gratifying ego; but you do not love.

4ove is a verb. 0t is an action. "he feeling of Flove/ is actually a product of the verb or

action. By loving yourself first; it forms the basis or foundation by which you love others

without which it is merely a baseless act of self'deception that appearsto be loving.

But how do we love ourselves if we have never been loved 0n the next chapter we

will explore this area.


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Learning ,!w t! L!ve

ow do 0 take the first step to deal with loneliness By learning to love. But first we

must examine the paradox to love.

=hen we are lonely; we feel like we are in an unbearable prison. By its very nature of

loneliness is 3ust like the stomach ache the attention centers only on ourselves. :o we

try and fill this emptiness by finding others who will give us that very love we need.

7eople often try to do things for others to gain their love. "hey barter trade favors with

each other thinking that they are loving people. =e know that our loneliness can only

be filled by the love of others and therefore we must feel loved by others.

'e parad!4 !5 l!ve i" ti"6

0f we seek to fill the void of our own loneliness in seeking love from others; we willinevitably find no consolation but only a deeper desolation. 0n other words; if we seek

the love that we need; we will never find it.

=hen a person orients his life towards the satisfaction of his own needs; when he goes

out to seek the love which he needs; he is basically self'centered; no matter how

pitiful he is. As long as he focuses on himself; his ability to love will always remain

stunted.

(at i" te "!luti!n ten

0f a person seeks not to receive love; but rather to give it without strings attached; he

will become lovable and he will most certainly be loved by others in the end.


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=e must stop being concerned with ourselves and begin to be concerned with

others. Beginning with the end in mind which focuses the results of the act of love

others without concerned with self'gain; is the first step to gaining love and easing the

pain of loneliness.

$very single person on earth has some capacity to love.

=e all have some ability to focus the attention off ourselves to the needs and

concern of others. 0t is the extent that we are willing to give; are we able to receive

that amount of love from others.

Deciding to love others with no strings attached is like a donation (we don/t expectanything in return; not even a satisfied ego or relieved guilt+; not a barter trade. (en

we a"k !ter"2 7(at ave )!u d!ne 5!r .e8 we ave 5ailed t! l!ve

$ven if at the beginning you are only able to love little; you will be loved little. "hat

very love will empower you to grow and produce more love and in return receive

greater love from others.

But always remember that in making this self'donation or self'sacrifice; our minds mustalways be focused away from ourselves or it wouldn/t work.


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'e Law" !5 Attracti!n

GAs a (wo+man thinks; so is (s+he.H

$ver wonder why certain people get the polite; respectful; GGood Morning, SirH; and

others get the; Gey !udH or Gey, MacH kind of treatment

"hink for a moment; now.

=hat is the difference between "onald #rumpand a beggar besides a few billion

dollars and a couple of skyscrapers

"he answer@ "he mushy inside your head.

#ou see; the way people react to you is due to the way you think about yourself. =hydo you think people 3udge a book by its cover or a bad kind by the clothes he wears

0 know it is unfair; but the way a person thinks in his heart; he will appear or even live

out what he is thinking*

"he 4aw of Attraction is not something newI it is the way things are. 0t is evident in

5urphy/s 4aw the things we most don/t want to happen to often happens to us;

that is why a dropped buttered toast always land on the wrong side*

$ven as a child in school; 0 have always hoped that when 0 saw sitting in class; and 0

didn/t know how to answer a uestion the teacher asked; 0 always whispered in my

heart; G"on$t pic% me& '(*S, don$t pic% meH and the teacher always did. 0t didn/t

matter where 0 was sitting; the teacher had this mind reading ability that knew 0 didn/t

know the answer or wasn/t paying attention.


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ow does this apply to overcoming loneliness

0f you Fpro3ect/ an aura of unwantedness; you will feel unwanted and your friends will

re3ect you unconsciously. :top acting like a wet; unwanted puppy who 3ust escapedfrom the pound.

:ay to yourself; G+ou find me attractive, loveable and good company.H 0t is true we

can/t always convince ourselves that we are lovable; attractive and people love

being around us.

But since we can/t control what others think; this form of affirmation actually fools our

mind into thinking =$ A9$ lovable and attractive.

"ry it and see*


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#ractical Step" '! Overc!.e L!neline""

"here are a number of ways to begin dealing with loneliness that involve the need to

develop friendships; doing things for yourself; or learning to feel better about yourself

in general.

J $!n"tantl) re.ind )!ur"el5 tat te 5eeling !5 l!neline"" i" 'EM#O&A&+and you

will get over it in time

J Make an e55!rt t! talk t! "!.e!ne NE(. 0 know it is hard; but you must develop

momentum and the first step is usually the hardest but most necessary.

J #ut )!ur"el5 in new "ituati!n" were )!u will .eet pe!ple. $ngage in activities in

which you have genuine interest. 5eet with people of similar interest

J 1oin societies like church groups; organizations and others

J S'O# li"tening t! l!nel) "!ng"(e.g. *ll by Myself Celine "ion+

J O#EN )!ur"el5 t! !ter" 5ir"t. Don/t expect people to share their problems with a

closed person

J D!n:t ;udge new pe!ple !n te 1a"i" !5 pa"t relati!n"ip" wit !ld pe!ple. "ry to

see each person you meet from a new perspective instead of bring 3udgmental.

J %nti.ate 5riend"ip" u"uall) devel!p graduall) a" pe!ple learn t! "are teir

inner 5eeling". Don/t rush into intimate friendship by sharing too much or expecting

that others will.

J D!n:t ;u"t "eek r!.antic relati!n"ip". 7latonic or even casual buddies can be


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extremely satisfactory.

J Lead a well 1alanced li5e. !ever neglect good nutrition; exercise and sufficient

sleep. ne of the main causes of depression which leads to loneliness; is the lack of

those things.

J Spending ti.e al!newill help you examine yourself more closely.

J D!n:t 1e a para"ite t! )!ur 5riend". 0f you seek them for compassion and

sympathy; they will be there for you. But if you repeatedly drone over and over about

your problems; it becomes a nuisance and your friends will at best 3ust entertain you.

J &e5lect 1ack !n g!!d .e.!rie"and count your blessings.

J Learn a new "kill. :uccess in achieving something will make you feel good

about yourself.

J 05 )!u are aving l!ng ter. depre""i!n2 it i" n!t wr!ng t! "eek MED%$AL advice.

J See a c!un"el!rand talk in privacy.

J Spend ti.e in pra)er !r .editati!n.


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Breaking te De"tructive $)cle

A word of caution@

D!n:t act like a er! 1ecau"e )!u are l!nel)

#ou may be surprised. :elf'pity is a subtle form of pride. 7roud people glory in their

achievementswhile people who self'pity glory in theirsufferings.

0t is really dangerous to dwell too long in loneliness because we are created to have

relationships with one another.

0t is a strong part of human nature that cannot be erased. 0f you grew up living alone

in a 3ungle; you will most probably interact with animals or plants and talk to them in

your own language.

J "he greatest worry is when someone dwells too long in their loneliness these few

things can happen.

J "he loneliness addict shun all attempts to reconnect rendering their people

around them lots of pain when their efforts to help the person gets re3ected.

J "he relationships around them slowly crumbles and when people start to ignore

the lonely person; they will feel more 3ustified when they finally exclaim; G4ook atthemI 0 was right all along that they never cared for me at all*H

J "he loneliness addict eventually gets immune to the pain and embraces

loneliness as a way of life. e is too lazy to change.

is disease spread to other Fsurvivors/.


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'i" "!uld .!tivate )!u en!ug t! take acti!n D!n:t wait2 d! it NO(*

ere is an interesting uote@

Loneliness was the first thing that God's eye named not good.

' 1ohn 5ilton


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3inding Our #urp!"e in te (ilderne""

ere is a story designed to motivate you. =hen the dust settles and we have made

all the money in the world; reached the height of fame and obtained the epitome of

power; what gives us true meaning in life

5any living things need each other to survive. 0f you have ever seen a Colorado

aspen tree; you may have noticed that it does not grow alone. Aspens are found in

clusters; or groves.

"he reason is that the aspen sends up new shoots from the roots. 0n a small grove; all

of the trees may actually be connected by their roots*

-iant California redwood trees may tower K&& feet into the sky. 0t would seem that

they would reuire extremely deep roots to anchor them against strong winds. But

were told that their roots are actually uite shallow '' in order to capture as much

surface water as possible. And they spread in all directions; intertwining with other

redwoods.

4ocked together in this way; all the trees support each other in wind and storms. 4ike

the aspen; they never stand'alone. "hey need one another to survive.

#e!ple2 t!!2 are c!nnected 1) a ")"te. !5 r!!t" (e are 1!rn t! 5a.il) and learn

earl) t! .ake 5riend" (e are n!t .eant t! "urvive l!ng wit!ut !ter"

And like the redwood; we need to hold one another up. =hen pounded by the

sometimes vicious storms of life; we need others to support and sustain us.

Have you been going it alone? Maybe it's time to let someone else help hold you up

for a while. Or perhaps someone needs to hang on to you.

''' Aut!r Unkn!wn ---


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Li5e Still ,a" A Meaning

0 will end this book with a poem. 9ead this a few times and let the meaning sink in.

%5 tere i" a 5uture tere i" ti.e 5!r .ending-

'i.e t! "ee )!ur tr!u1le" c!.ing t! an ending

Li5e i" never !pele"" !wever great )!ur "!rr!w-

%5 )!u

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Module 9 - BONUS the a-Z Guide to Getting Over a Break-up