MISMANAGED ANGER- a parasite for relationships

Relationships are gifted bonds endowed to us by Almighty. A Relation could be a sacred bond linking one to their parents or spouse or even friends. Relationships bring people together and make one passionate and sensitive to problems of the other person. Emotions are the sensitive area of any relation. Henceforth, emotions are not always like the rising sun with the positive emotions running seamlessly without a bout of negativity. If life is a roller coaster so is a relationship and the reins of a relation are held by emotions. Every individual has a bright sunny side and a vindictive grey side. It is always better that the sunny side shines as bright as it can but it is an unpredictable foreboding if the grey side starts getting darker.

ANGER AS A PARASITE

Anger is a dark emotion that has rightly been termed as a parasite for a relationship. It makes a relationship devoid of life and till then keeps attacking the relationship time and again right till the end. The simplest reason for this abnormal emotion is the perception casted into one’s mind that he/she is being exposed to unfair treatment meted to no bounds.

Let it be clearer with an instance or two! Your wife is frantically searching for your important file that could earn you incentives and promotion of the year and you start being satirical with her and blaming her for being callous. Do not be surprised if she breaks a vase or two and few pots on your head. That is mild anger which could hurt your ego .Conclusion is simple you treat her unfairly even if she is helping you do something that is not her work and you start nagging her that is unfair treatment that you have inflicted on her and so she is bound to be livid at you. Next the “I, me, myself”centric ego would not let her be the only angry creature and due to ego-clashes you jump in and so develops a fight. The fight is what could weaken the bonds nurtured with love and care between you and your wife!

ANGER MYTHS BUSTED

Well many must have heard and even believed and practically implemented the well known myth “Real men are those who are a Tiger with their wives, Hitler with their kids and Angry Young men for their parents and siblings and so are the real rulers of the empire they call home.”This myth should be busted as it is creating havoc in the lives of many not only now but from years. Real men are rightfully those who have the grit and heart to face atrocities that come their way and can dare to smile even with difficulties in the way. Well that makes a man confident and in complete control of their senses. If you cannot control your basic emotion of anger you end up killing either relationships or your family. Either of these will destroy your life.

The female generation of this century is daring and outspoken but if a woman feels always shouting is the best way to assert her point well its time she goes back to School. A woman is a beautiful creation of God. Women need to hold houses and be the Mother Teresa of her house. This does not

mean a woman has to be like orthodox beliefs had shaped her years back but it simply means to be assertive and to gain respect she needs to be firm in her speech, thoughts, actions and decisions. A wise mother, sensible wife and a practical daughter/sister.

HORRIFYING TALES OF ANGER

The news is spiced up and almost every day where you can spot some issue or the other where anger has taken a monstrous form and has ravaged lives in the world. This negative emotion can have terrifying repercussions. Trust is the basis of a relation which might start getting diluted and this is when the journey of the relation to a dead end commences. A daughter might stop trusting her father or a husband might start maintaining a distance with his better half. Anger can create feeling of low self-esteem and meagre self-confidence which might start attacking the personality of the person. For a happy spouse anger could bring unhappy times which could lead to lack of intimacy and seclusion from each other.

Anger is not only limited to these but can cause psychiatric and other general health problems like Insomnia, confusion, helplessness, anxiety and depression. A relationship cannot be one-sided. It is an investment to be done by both sides. No one person can save a destructive relationship. Anger is a hard nut to crack if it crosses the unhealthy danger mark. If you are just hanging on to someone because you people are meant to be but he/she makes you feel like a public shame with his/her anger outbursts the anger has started its fatal attack. Other outcomes are you cannot be yourself with him/her and when communication link between you starts breaking down the end of the relation is quite near. You might start losing interest in your better half or even the urge to see them because they are too pessimistic well that is the great danger bell that has tolled.

The person suffering from uncontrollable anger suffers certain behavioural changes like he/she will become oblivious to humour and might experience flashes of jealousy, resentment and bouts of regression that keeps jumping in and out. These people permanently develop a judgemental attitude. The people who are aggressive would tend to have an ego-driven mindset which actually drives them mad at everyone. They feel that they are always being blamed by the other person.

THE MAGIC WAND -ANGER MANAGEMENT

If you identify yourself somewhere along the lines above or even know someone suffering from this malady “Do not worry!” . Yes! Why do so, it is not end of the world. Solutions are for problems but it is just that they are not overt in nature or decorated on a platter like food. One has to find them only to get rid of the parasite anger. The magical 2 words are Anger Management and Yes! They can save any relation if it is done and practiced in a pious manner.

Anger in today’s world and lifestyle can be greatly attributed to stress as well where fluctuating economies, economic meltdown, recession and hence lack of enough opportunities lead to negative and pessimistic emotions like stress, frustration and they do not take much time to get converted into anger. Ugly makeover!

Anger management can be done in various ways but effects differ on individual basis.

Few effective anger management techniques are as highlighted:

EXCERCISE CAN MEND IT ALL

Burn your negative emotions at the gym, in the swimming pool or in the sports arena. Exercise is a key to many locks like stress, health issues and Anger .Energy needs to be channelized in the right direction not in anger expulsions. Exercise leads to certain chemical production in the body which relaxes the body hence solving the anger problem.

STOP THE BLAME GAME

When you are angry accept the fact that you must have blamed everyone other than your own self. Change the “You” to “I”. After doing something you should take the ownership for your own feelings and actions why drag others in murky waters and swampy marsh for what they have not done and provoke them for clashes further.

MEDITATE FOR YOUR INNER SOUL and for POOR SOULS AROUND YOU

It is an excellent way to alleviate the management of misdirected emotions. Meditation takes the mind to a level that can be attained by trance but without drugs. The mind becomes focussed and relaxed and since this solves the anger and stress typical problems various lifestyle diseases have been known to be cured through meditation.

STATE FACTS NOT OPINIONS AND COMPLAINTS

Anger in fights can be tamed easily by sticking to crisp facts and statistics whatever they might be in a particular situation. Anger is when opinions are argued around and complaints are enlisted. It would be so much simple to state a fact that proves in itself what should never have been done. There just cannot be debates and arguments over factual data which proves itself lucidly.

THROW THE RIGID YOU IN THE BIN

Be flexible and a good listener as others do not always know less than you. They could possibly be as wise as you or more experienced than you possibly are. If you have rigid beliefs and feelings it would not be of any help but only make you a difficult person. If you are an attentive listener and one whose mind is open for any new opinions or facts to be imbibed then people will be drawn towards you. You will lose the anger element in you which forces your facts on others whether for implementation or even for listening. Be empathetic and with an open heart embrace what others say if not always.

RENDER THE DIABOLIC BITTER GRUDGE

Forgive and forget for a happy life. It is not that everyone behaves the way we expect them to which might lead to conflicts and fights. Individuals are built differently and we need to realise that sooner or later. Holding on negative feelings is what could be the reason of anger and other diabolic feelings raking up. If you forgive people and get positive then optimism is always the solution to negative emotions like Anger. The aggression and bottled up anger both can be treated if this is followed well.

PRACTICE RELAXATION SKILLS

Anger is not a disease only a lifestyle disorder. To put things in order RELAX! Easy! Isn’t it? Well it is actually a very difficult thing for people who suffer from this disorder on a regular basis. Meditation is one great thing which could help but there are others also. A very effective option is listening to music that is soothing and has no sharp tones or high pitches. Watching light humour without sarcasm would also relax the mind and body. Yoga is an excellent way to relax and rectify lifestyle disorders. You could relax by just staying calm and repeating a phrase or quote like “Relaxation is the key to a peaceful life” or imagine a calm scene or anything that inspires you to relax. One could go in for basic breathing in and breathing out exercises.

CHANGE YOUR THINKING

This is usually known and understood as cognitive restructuring which means modifying your certain mannerisms and traits to adopt a balanced state of mind. Stop using extreme words like “never” and “always”. These words make you feel there is no solution to your problems. Key Focus on your actual goals needs to be applied and a rational thinking would be effective in these situations.

To conclude it should be simple and crisp before letting anger possess you which is possibly more evil than the demons, that could possess you, manage your anger in such a way that relations are kept at bay and come what may the basis on which you establish relations always just stay!

Alas! Mark Twain quoted the truth when he said

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on anything on which it is poured”.

Remember anger can finish relations, families and lives. The sooner you realise and take stock of the situation the better it is for a healthy and happy life ahead.