Military Press Zone 2, May 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] May 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1

2 May 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

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Many Americans celebrate Armed Forces Day annually on the third Saturday of May. It is a day to pay tribute to men and women who serve the United States’ armed forces. Armed Forces Day is also part of Armed Forces Week, which begins on the second Saturday of May.

What do people do?Many events across the United States take

place on Armed Forces Day to honor Americans in uniform who served their country in times of war and peace. Those who are honored on this day include people who serve the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and Coast Guard. National Guard and Reserve units may celebrate Armed Forces Day/Week over any period in May be-cause of their unique training schedules. Events and activities may include:

• Multi-service military displays in areas open for the public.

• Various educational activities that teach children about the armed forces.

• “Support the Troops” themed motorcycle rides.

• Large parades and other local celebrations.

Certain types of music are also played at Armed Forces Day events, including at memori-als and at cemeteries, as a way to respect those in the armed forces who died for their country.

For example, buglers have played a bugle call, known simply as Taps, on Armed Forces Day in recent years. Taps is usually sounded by the United States military at events such as flag ceremo-nies, memorial services and funerals.

Celebrating

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Have you got something you want to share?A story from the war zone....

Joy of a homecoming...How to be a better Marine or Sailor?

Writing for us is a great way toget your story heard.

So what are you waiting for?

The Military Press invites you to submityour article for possible publicationin an upcoming issue of the paper.

We are looking for items from• Active duty

• Military spouses• Veterans of all wars

• Retired military

Email: [email protected]

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:• 500 word maximum

• Include relevant high resolution photo or art if available,with caption and photographer’s name

• Military Press reserves the right to edit forgrammar and punctuation

WRITERS


The Military PressMay 15, 2014

Publisher Richard T. Matz

Customer Service Manager Carol Williams

Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine

Account Representatives: Michelle HullVictoria Wills

Public RelationsLisa Matz

Production / WebSandra Powers • Joe Yang

DistributionRobert Wood

Contributing WritersDoug AguillardCrystal Arriaga

Mort Fretel • Art GarciaHoward Hian • Keith Angelin

Jeri Jacquin, The Movie MavenJessamyn Patterson

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The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press News-paper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materi-als appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscrip-tion by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

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BackgroundOn August 31, 1949, Louis

Johnson, who was the United States’ Secretary of Defense, announced the creation of an Armed Forces Day to replace separate Army, Navy and Air Force Days. The event stemmed from the armed forces’ unifica-tion under one department – the Department of Defense. The Army, Navy and Air Force leagues adopt-ed the newly formed day. The Ma-rine Corps League declined to drop support for Marine Corps Day but supports Armed Forces Day too.

The first Armed Forces Day was celebrated on Saturday, May 20, 1950. The theme for that day was “Teamed for Defense,” which ex-pressed the unification of all mili-tary forces under one government department. According to the U.S. Department of Defense, the day was designed to expand public un-derstanding of what type of job was performed and the role of the mili-tary in civilian life.

Armed Forces Day was a day for the military to show “state-of-the-art” equipment to Americans. It was also a day to honor and ac-knowledge Americans in the armed forces. Parades, open houses, recep-tions and air shows were held at the inaugural Armed Forces Day. Armed Forces Day is still celebrat-ed nationwide today and is part of Armed Forces Week.

National MilitaryAppreciation Month

May is

By Gene Harper,American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON — Both chambers of the U.S. Congress have adopted a resolution calling for Americans to rec-ognize and honor U.S. service members during May’s National Military Appre-ciation Month.

Virginia Rep. Tom Davis, along with 16 cosponsors, introduced Con-current Resolution No. 328 in the House in November. The Senate agreed to it without amendment and by unanimous consent April 26.

The resolution states that the House, with the Senate concur-ring, “supports the goals and ob-jectives of a National Military Ap-preciation Month.” It also “urges the president to issue a proclamation call-ing on the people of the United States, localities, organizations and media to annually observe” the month “with ap-propriate ceremonies and activities. Finally, the resolution urges the White House Commission on Remembrance to “work to support the goals and ob-jectives” of the month.

The Senate first passed a resolution in 1999 designating National Military

Appreciation Month. That declaration summoned U.S. citizens to observe the month “in a symbol of uni-ty, … to honor the current and

former members of the armed forces, including those who have died in the pursuit of freedom and peace.”

Traditionally, May has focused on the military in many ways. For ex-ample, Public Service Recognition Week, celebrated the first full Monday through Sunday in May since 1985, rec-

ognizes the roles of public servants, including the military, at local, state, regional and federal levels. As a part of PSRW, communities across America showcase military equipment and ser-vice members from U.S. installations. The largest PSRW event takes place

on Washington’s National Mall, where more than 100 federal agencies, in-cluding the military services, put their activities, people and equip-ment on public display. Armed Forces Day, created in 1949, is an annual event held on the third Sat-

urday in May, with activities at U.S. military bases around the world. This

year’s celebration occurs May 17.The month culminates with Memo-

rial Day, a federal holiday on the last Monday in May. The day, dating from the Civil War era, traditionally has marked recognition of those who have died in service to the nation. Each year on Memorial Day, the White House Commission on Remembrance pro-motes one minute of silence at 3 p.m. local time to honor the military’s fallen comrades and to pay tribute to the sac-rifices by the nation’s service members and veterans.


Memorial Day, an American holiday observed on the last Monday of May, honors men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memo-rial Day by visiting cemeteries or me-morials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, at least, it marks the beginning of sum-mer.

Early observances ofMemorial Day

The Civil War claimed more lives than any conflict in U.S. history, requir-ing the establishment of the country’s first national cemeteries. By the late 1860s Americans in various towns and cities had begun holding springtime tributes to these countless fallen sol-diers, decorating their graves with flowers and reciting prayers.

It is unclear where exactly this tra-dition originated; numerous different communities may have independently initiated the memorial gatherings. Nevertheless, in 1966 the federal government declared Waterloo, New York, the official birthplace of Memo-rial Day. Waterloo—which had first cel-ebrated the day on May 5, 1866—was chosen because it hosted an annual, community-wide event, during which businesses closed and residents deco-rated the graves of soldiers with flow-ers and flags.

Decoration DayOn May 5, 1862, General John A.

Logan, leader of an organization for Northern Civil War veterans, called for a nationwide day of remembrance later that month. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating

the graves of comrades who died in de-fense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and ham-let churchyard in the land,” he pro-claimed. The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particu-lar battle.

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Ar-lington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there. Many Northern states held similar commemorative events and reprised the tradition in subsequent years; by 1890 each one had made Decoration Day an official state holiday. Many Southern states, on the other hand, continued to honor their dead on separate days until after World War I.

Evolution of Memorial DayMemorial Day, as Decoration Day

gradually came to be known, originally honored only those lost while fighting in the Civil War. But during World War I the United States found itself em-broiled in another major conflict, and the holiday evolved to commemorate American military personnel who died in all wars.

For decades, Memorial Day con-tinued to be observed on May 30, the date Logan had selected for the first Decoration Day. But in 1968 Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which established Memorial Day as the last Monday in May in order to create a three-day weekend for federal employees; the change went into effect in 1971. The same law also declared Memorial Day a federal holiday.

Memorial Day traditionsCities and towns across the United

States host Memorial Day parades each year, often incorporating military per-sonnel and members of veterans’ orga-nizations. Some of the largest parades take place in Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C. Americans also ob-serve Memorial Day by visiting ceme-teries and memorials. On a less somber note, many people throw parties and barbecues on the holiday, perhaps be-cause it unofficially marks the begin-ning of summer.

Observing

Memorial Day

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Mountainsout of mole hills

By Richard MatzPublisher

If you’re a politician, a pretend preacher, or an organization with an agenda to make the general pub-lic take their eye off the ball and make an old, rich, ignorant white guy a moun-tain out of a mole hill, you’ve accom-plished your mission! I’m referring to the NBA Clippers owner Donald Ster-ling. I can’t possibly believe that he’s more important than jobs for all Amer-icans, health insurance, illegal immi-gration, poverty, IRS scandal, Beng-hazi cover-up and the ever-expanding National Debt (which all U.S. citizens, their children and grandchildren are burdened with). What the media finds entertaining is a damn shame and an injustice to our intelligence.

I’m a basketball junkie and a fan since my L.A. Times tenure back in the ’60s. I’ve interviewed the likes of Bill Russell, Larry Bird, Doc Rivers (Boston Celtics), Michael Jordan, Scotty Pippin, Dennis Rodman (Chicago Bulls), Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Magic Johnson, and Norm Nixon (L.A. Lakers). Norm was my buddy and was traded to the then San Diego Clippers. I attended the first Clipper game and Donald Sterling was sitting court side ..he had to much cerveza ..took his shirt off ..was bare chested and used his shirt like a Pittsburgh Steelers terrible towel ..

I know that Doc Rivers, Chris Paul, Blake Griffin and all the other great players are too professional and dedi-cated to their fans to let the likes of Donald Sterling affect their one and only goal of winning the coveted NBA championship trophy!

If you ask me, if any NBA owner would pay me 1 to 20 million dollars a year to play a sport I love, he could call me anything he wanted to… and then I’d ask you, “WHO’S THE FOOL?”

We always look forward to yourcomments, critique and kudos.email: [email protected]@militarypress.com

Richard Matz, Publisher

THE DONALD STERLING FIASCO

Commentary

Who hasn’t made racial, sexist or damning remarks?

How fair would it be if your private conversations (about any subject) were taped without your permission? The subject matter could be about your wife, your family, your mother-in-law, your fellow workers, your boss, race, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, transvestites or any controversial matter? If we’re go-ing to be completely honest, every one of us has made remarks that we would never want to be taped or repeated to the offended person or party. It is also against the law to tape any conversa-tion without revealing beforehand that the conversation is being taped. Even in criminal cases, permission has to be granted by a judge. This Donald Sterling debacle has farther reach-ing implications about privacy issues. We must at all cost protect the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution… Un-lawful Search and Seizures.

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Active Duty • Retired • Vets


John F. Kennedy35th President of the United States

Served from Jan. 20, 1961 to Nov. 22, 1963

“There’s a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, Iintend to expose this plot.” — John F. Kennedy, 7 days before his assassination

World events• U.S. Cuban exiles and CIA mount

unsuccessful attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro known as the Bay of Pigs

• World’s population reaches 4 bil-lion

• Soviet Union’s Yuri Gagarin becomes first human in space

• East German authorities close the border between east and west Berlin and construction of the Ber-lin Wall begins

• Somali suffers wide spread flood-ing after two main revers overflowed their banks and merged in a vast flood plain leaving hundreds of thousands home-less

• UN Gen-eral Assembly con-demns apartheid

• South Africa becomes an inde-pendent republic

• Last journey of The Orient Express, Paris to Bucharest

• First direct U.S. military involvement in Vietnam

• Amnesty International started in the UK

• The Antarctic Treaty System goes into force to regulate internation-al relations with respect to Antarctica to ensure it will con- tinue

forever to be used exclu-sively for peace-ful pur-poses

• Members of the Portu-

guese leftish movement hijack the luxury cruise liner Santa Maria

• The World Wide Fund for Nature starts

6 May 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

U.S. news• The 23rd Amend-

ment to the Constitution is ratified which permits electors in the District of

Columbia to choose electors for Presi-dent and Vice President.

• John F. Ken-nedy inaugurated as President of the United States

• President Kennedy ad-vises American families to build bomb shelters

• The Peace Corps is estab-lished by John F. Kennedy

• Segrega-tion on railways

in the south ends• Six Flags Over Texas

theme park opens• Pampers, the first dispos-

able diaper, introduced• “Freedom Riders”

test the U.S. Supreme Court decision Boynton v. Virginia by riding racially integrated interstate bus-es into the south. Some

Cadillac Eldorado

Lyndon B. Johnson37th Vice President of the United StatesServed from Jan. 20, 1961 to Nov. 22, 1963

PampersIntroduced

Berlin Wallgoes up

LincolnContinental


1• “Runaway,” Del Shannon• “My True Story,” Jive Five• “Pony Time,” Chubby Checker• “Wheels,” String-a-longs• “Raindrops,” Dee Clark• “Take Good Care of My Baby,”

Bobby Vee

TV shows• The Avengers• The Dick Van Dyke Show• Dr. Kildare• Hazel• Car 54, Where Are You?• Ben Casey• The Bob Newhart Show• The Mike Douglas Show• The Porter Wagoner Show

Born this year• Barack Obama• Eddie Murphy• George Clooney

May 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

BORN THIS YEAR: Above right: Princess Diana.Above left: Wayne Gretzky, hockey player; Barack Obama, president; Eddie Murphy, comedian; Boy

George, singer

are attacked by white supremacist supports of racial segregation.

Sports• World Series: NY

Yankees d. Cinncinati, 4-1

• NBA Championship: Boston d. St. Louis Hawks,

4-1• Stanley Cup: Chi-

cago d. Detroit, 4-2• Super Bowl:

Green Bay Packers d. New York Giants, 37-0

Movies• Breakfast at Tiffany’s

• West Side Story• 101 Dalmatians• The Comancheros• The Hustler• Judgment at Nuremberg• The Parent Trap• The Misfits• Splendor in the Grass• The Guns of Navarone

Music• “Tossin’ and Turnin’,

Bobby Lewis• “I Fall to Pieces,” Patsy

Cline• “Michael, Row The Boat

Ashore,” The Highwaymen• “Cryin’,” Roy Orbison

96• Income per year ...... $5,315• Minimum wage .......... $1.15• New house ........... $12,500• Monthly rent ................ $110• New car ................... $2,850• Gallon of gas ................. 28¢• Dozen eggs ................... 30¢• Gallon of milk ................. 49¢• Loaf of bread ................. 21¢• First-class stamp ............. 4¢• Movie ticket ................... 69¢

AVERAGE COSTOF LIVING

Chevy Corvette

• Princess Diana• George Lopez• Michael J. Fox• Wayne Gretzky• Toby Keith• Woody Harrelson• Susan Boyle• Boy George• Dan Marino• Julia Louis Dreyfus• Keith Sweat

1

PampersIntroduced

remember when...

Yuri Gagarin, firsthuman in space

Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at

Tiffany’s”


A previous as-signment was to get dressed one morning with your spouse in mind. In other words, rather than think-ing about what YOU want to wear, pick clothes that in some way connect to your spouse. Maybe you wore some-thing your spouse gave you as a gift. Or maybe you wore something you know your spouse thinks you look great in.

This week, I want you to turn your attention to YOUR SPOUSE’S ward-robe.

Think about what you like your spouse to wear. What color do you think looks best on them? Don’t you just love it when your spouse wears...

Your assignment for this week is to ask your spouse to wear something in particular for you. Why? Because it demonstrates that you care, that you’re thinking about them, and that you’re connected to them. Why else would it matter to you what they wear?

“Honey, why don’t you wear that blue shirt today that you look so nice in?”

“Can you wear your dress watch to-day?”

“I love the way you look in that v-neck you got for your birthday last year. Why don’t you wear that to the

Darling, you look marvelous

party tonight?”“You haven’t

worn that sexy un-derwear in a while. Do you feel like wearing it today?”

This demon-strates to your spouse that you’re

tuned into them and that what they do matters to you. It shows that you care about the details of their life. It’s a sign that you’re connected even to the clothes on their back. Basically, it’s a simple way to say, ‘I notice you.’

Here’s a related bonus idea for this week. Instead of asking your spouse to wear something that’s in their closet, buy them a gift and give it to them just when you want them to wear it.

For example, let’s say you have a graduation celebration to go to next Sunday. Buy something special your spouse, give it to them the morning of the occasion, and tell them you bought it especially for them to wear today.

Once again, this demonstrates that you really feel that you’re going to this celebration TOGETHER. And that you’re involved in the details of their life. Remember: “Love is in the de-tails.”

Have a great week!

Mort Fertel Author & Founder of Mar-riage Fitness.

Marriage Fitness

with Mort Fertel

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A BOOK FOR ALL“EXPLORERS”20,000 Leagues Over The Bounding Main will intrigue not only all military personnel, active or retired, but all voyagers who enjoy maritime nostalgia and trivia, Relive when individual intelligence, imagination and creativity — not computers and political correctness — ruled. Order through Author House, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc. .com or book retail stores. Makes a great gift!

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HOUSING

All seven members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff testified recently on the need to slow growth in military compensation. But their united front for easing current budget burdens cracked over the notion of slashing savings for commissary shoppers. Ma-rine Corps Commandant Gen. James Amos called the proposal to cut com-

missary appropriations by $1 billion, “a sore point for me.” But Navy Adm. James A. Winnefeld Jr., vice chair-man of the Joint Chiefs, defended lowering the appropriation for the Defense Commissary Agency in in-crements, starting with $200 million next year, and suggesting the initial impact at least would be modest.

News briefs...Joint Chiefs divide over commissary cuts

An interim director will take over the embattled Phoenix VA Health Care System on Monday, the Department of Veterans Affairs announced. Steve Young will oversee delivery of health care to an estimated 85,000 veterans and an operating budget of about $500 million.The move comes as the Phoenix VA tries to restore its reputation while it is under investigation for possible patient deaths. In recent weeks, critics of the VA system have alleged that administrators in Phoenix kept an off-the-books list to conceal long wait times as 40 veterans died waiting to get an appointment.

New boss picked for Phoenix VA

The U.S. Navy Center for Service Support has an-nounced it will be encouraging all of its instruc-tors to qualify as Master Training Specialist (MTS). Earning MTS in an appropriate billet is similar to earning an applicable warfare designation in an operational billet. MTS certification includes nom-ination, completion of job qualification requirements, testing and board evalu-ation. CSS and its learn-ing sites provide Sailors with the knowledge and skills needed to support the Fleet’s warfighting mission. For more infor-mation on the Center for Service Support, visit its webpage at www.navy.mil/local/css/.

Guard never analyzed NASCAR spending effectiveness

*In order to qualify for the purchase of a home at Legacy and Tradition at Heritage Ranch, homebuyer must be prequalified for purchase with a preferred lender identified by Beazer prior to sale. Once homebuyer’s prequalification has been established, homebuyer is placed on the priority interest list based on date and time of prequalification. Contact the New Home Counselors for additional information on the prequalification and home purchase process. Beazer Homes has the right to change purchase requirements for future phases. Pricing, features and availability subject to change without notice. See New Home Counselor for complete details. BRE License No. 01503061. © 2014 Beazer Homes 4/14 116858

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Tricare for Life cuts discounts for 400k

Starting this spring, more than 400,000 military retirees and senior dependents in the Tricare for Life pro-gram will owe the full amount for cer-tain prescription refills if they use a retail pharmacy rather than a military pharmacy or a mail service.

The change, part of a pilot program created by Congress, is meant to help control the cost of military health care and in its first year, is expected to cut $120 million from the $3.3 billion that the U.S. Department of Defense pays annually for Tricare For Life pharma-cy needs.

The government insurance serves about 2 million military retirees and their dependents over 65, supplement-ing Medicare. Tricare for Life accounts for nearly half of the $7.1 billion that the Defense Department spends each year on its pharmacy program.

The pilot includes more than 400 medications -- mostly brand-name -- for chronic conditions, such as high blood pressure, diabetes and asthma. Prescriptions for pain relievers, anti-biotics and other medicines for acute conditions aren’t affected.

With the program, members can fill eligible prescriptions three times at a retail outlet, usually a 30-day sup-ply for a $17 copayment. Then, if they don’t switch, they’re responsible for the drug’s entire cost for subsequent refills, charges that quickly could climb into hundreds of dollars.

If they do switch, they’ll owe $13 for each 90-day supply through the Ex-press Scripts mail service or nothing when they use a base pharmacy.


ACROSS1. Cashews and almonds5. Not written exams10. Farm equipment14. A Freudian stage15. Burdened16. Possess17. Hindu princess18. Dispersed20. Trash can22. Arranging23. Color24. Feel25. Appraisals32. Apprehensive33. Love intensely34. Disencumber37. Sailors38. Hit the books39. Fabricated40. Mineral rock41. Daughter of a sibling42. Element with the symbol B43. Compulsively45. Legions49. Fury50. Accomplish53. A moderately slow tempo57. Booming59. Tiny sphere60. Sea eagle61. Hackneyed62. Territory63. Collections64. Willow65. Therefore

DOWN1. An aromatic ointment2. Two-toed sloth3. Bronzes4. How a snake moves5. Music from the ’50s and ’60s6. Shower7. Commercials8. Not more9. Hissy fit10. A type of virus11. Language of ancient Rome

12. Roasters13. A kind of golf club19. Antiquated21. Not idle25. Countertenor26. Char27. Arid28. Married partners29. Draw forth30. Connecting points31. Attempt34. Unusual35. False god36. Declare untrue38. Bro or sis39. Transportable

41. Nuzzled42. Fowl44. Vocalist45. Despises46. Fall color47. Bypass48. Prongs51. Quash52. Makes a mistake53. Initial wager54. Close55. A tart spicy quality56. Cocoyam58. 3 in Roman numeralsP

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This week’s solutions:

SUDOKUThe rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks

so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

Just for

LaughsNice try though

A little girl wants to walk her dog, but her father says that she can’t be-cause the dog is in heat. After a mo-ment’s thought, he finally says, “Well, I guess, if we pour gas on the dog’s rear end it will kill the scent.” So he does. Half an hour later, the girl returns. The father says, “Where’s the dog?” The girl replies,”She ran out of gas half a block down the street, and the neighbor’s dog is pushing her home.”

After all these years…After 50 years of marriage Paddy

Murphy’s wife turned to him at the breakfast table and said with twinkle in her eye, “My breasts are as hot to-day, as the day you met me!”

Paddy replied, “I know!! That’s be-cause one’s in your porridge and the other’s in your coffee. Lean back sweet-heart”

I fish on FridaysA husband and wife came for coun-

seling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been

married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of inti-macy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,

walked around the desk and, after ask-ing the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?” The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mon-days and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

Boots A lady went into a bar in Waco and

saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well en-dowed. The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady. Why don’t you

come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?” The woman want-ed to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.” “Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

Mens Q&AQ: Why do so few men end up in

Heaven? A: They never stop to ask di-rections.

Q: How are husbands like lawn mow-ers? A: They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don’t work.

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys watching a football game.

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: How do you get a man to stop bit-ing his nails? A: Make him wear shoes.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: What do you call a married man vacuuming? A: Doing what he’s told.

Q: Why don’t some men have a mid-life crisis? A: They’re stuck in adoles-

cence.Q: Why are good men like parking

spaces? A: The good ones are already taken!

She was firedAn Emergency Call Center worker

in London, Ontario, has been dismissed from her job, much to the dismay of col-leagues who are reportedly unhappy with her treatment.

It seems a male caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, “I am de-pressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally end my life.”

Apparently “remain calm and stay on the line” was not considered to be an appropriate or correct response.

How to sell a BibleThree boys look for a summer job.

Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, though he’s hesi-tant about hiring the third boy because he suffers from a speech impediment.

After the first week of work they all meet at the church. The preacher asks the boys, “How many Bibles did you sell?”

The first boy says, “35.”The second boy says, “75.”The boy with the speech impedi-

ment says, “I-I-I s-s-sold 175.”The preacher is amazed and asks

the boy how he did it.The boy says, “I-I-I t-t-told them to

b-b-buy t-t-them, or I’d r-r-read it to t-t-them.”



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Military Press Zone 2, May 15, 2014