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MIDDLE YEARS PROGRAMME

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MYP English A Teacher Support Material: Assessed Student Work

January 2004

The International Baccalaureate Organization wishes to acknowledge the work of IB teachers and examiners in the production of this document. The IBO is grateful for permission to reproduce copyright material in this publication. If there are any errors or omissions, if notified, the IBO will be pleased to rectify them at the earliest opportunity.

© International Baccalaureate Organization 2004

Organisation du Baccalauréat International Route des Morillons 15

Grand-Saconnex, Genève CH-1218

SWITZERLAND

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 i

Contents

General introduction iii

Introduction to the assessed student work iv

Assessed student work

English A

Essay

1 Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

E1:1–E1:5

2 “The Cask of Amontillado”: critical response . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E2:1–E2:3

3 Lord of the Flies: pigs and evil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E3:1–E3:5

Creative writing

1 Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers …” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C1:1–C1:4

2 Deceptions of love: sonnets and analysis of Iago’s deceptions in Othello by William Shakespeare . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

C2:1–C2:7

3 “The Masquerade, the Fox and the Quilt”: a new soliloquy for Iago and an explanation of its significance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

C3:1–C3:6

Response to literature

1 Theban letter to the editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R1:1–R1:3

2 Hamlet’s dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R2:1–R2:4

3 Poetry assignment: animal poems . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R3:1–R3:3

4 Poem commentary: “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen R4:1–R4:6

5 Persuasive speech: “Choose Humanity” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . R5:1–R5:5

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 iii

General introduction

Teacher support material accompanies the guide for each subject group and the personal project within the Middle Years Programme (MYP). This document, which contains assessed student work, is printed in loose-leaf format for ease of use.

Teacher support material is intended to give practical help that supports understanding and implementation of the theory evident in the guides for the subject groups. The main focus of the student work assessment is the use of the final assessment criteria, but other issues are also addressed, such as the appropriateness of tasks set in an MYP classroom.

Acknowledgments

Thanks are due to the schools and students who allowed the use of their work in this document and to the experienced MYP practitioners who worked so carefully on the student work assessment pages.

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 iv

Introduction to the assessed student work

In this teacher support material, each example of assessed student work is divided into two parts:

• student work assessment

• student work.

Student work assessment

The student work assessment shows clearly for each example how the chosen work was assessed using the published final assessment criteria. A box in the top right-hand corner of the page shows the criterion levels given to the piece of work. The title of the work follows this on the page.

A Background section describes the work done to produce the final piece. Other explanatory information is included in this section, such as time allowed for the assignment, the important points to note in this example and the appropriateness of the task in relation to the final assessment criteria.

The Assessment section looks closely at each criterion addressed by the example. The criterion levels given have been awarded by experienced MYP practitioners. The relevant descriptor from each criterion is given. A paragraph follows that explains why the level shown was given. This paragraph may also contain more detailed comments on certain parts of the assignment, reference to the appropriateness of using a specific task to address a particular criterion and any other remarks thought to be helpful to teachers.

Student work

The student work itself follows the student work assessment in each example. For ease of use, all the student work has been transcribed. However, the pieces of work are presented in their original styles, which may include spelling, grammatical and any other errors. Some points of detail in these pieces of work will not be relevant. More importance should be given to the fact that these examples show the application of the assessment criteria in evaluating student work and also reveal some of the various standards of work that may be encountered by teachers in the MYP.

Specific characteristics of the samples

It should also be remembered that these examples of student work come largely from students in the fifth year of the MYP and have also been taken mostly from moderation samples. It is possible that modified criteria may be used for assessing the work of younger students or, indeed, a school may have its own system of ensuring that the subject objectives are being addressed by these students. The examples here also tend to adhere to the prescribed minimum set down in the moderation guidelines for each subject group, but teachers are encouraged to continue to use a wide variety of assessment tools, both formative and summative, as they evaluate the work of their students.

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E1 : 1

English A Essay


Criterion A B C

Level achieved 5 5 5

Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train journey

Background

At the end of the unit studying Elie Wiesel’s Night, the students wrote an analytical essay discussing the work as a memoir. The specifics of the assignment were as follows.

Assignment

• Criterion A: content. The essay must address the topic in detail, making more than one key point; quotes and examples should be used to support each point; the essay should demonstrate a solid understanding of the text and the underlying ideas relevant to the topic; the essay should explore the topic with some originality and depth; the essay should discuss the text as a memoir.

• Criterion B: organization. Each paragraph must be relevant to the topic; the essay must follow the accepted structure of introduction, development and conclusion; each paragraph should contain references to the text and links from references to the topic; each paragraph should explore one central point.

• Criterion C: style and language usage. The style must be appropriate for an essay; vocabulary should be varied and suitable for analytical discussion; literary terms should be used where appropriate; there should be few language errors; there should be no spelling errors in word-processed work.

The assignment followed several weeks’ study of Night. Prewriting took the form of mind-maps in which students organized their thoughts in outline format (one week). Students wrote a rough draft (two weeks’ homework) on which they received feedback in writing circles. Students then incorporated suggestions for improvement into their final draft (one week).


Assessment

Criterion A: content Maximum level 10

Level of achievement

Descriptor

5–6 The student demonstrates a sufficient understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme. The work displays adequate detail, development and support. Creative pieces reflect a degree of imagination and sensitivity. The student’s response to literature demonstrates an awareness of the author’s intention and techniques.

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• displays a sufficient understanding of the theme, explaining how the train journey and death march show memories

• includes some explanation of the points made; more thorough explanations would provide greater development, enabling the piece to reach a level 6

• utilizes direct quotes for support; further explanation of how these quotes prove each point would provide better development and support.

Criterion B: organization Maximum level 10

Level of achievement Descriptor

5–6 The student’s work is basically organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a logical manner. Paragraph structure and transitions are apparent. When such devices are required, some attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• employs basic organization, grouping each idea into its own paragraph

• explains thoughts clearly and coherently

• utilizes some transitions within paragraphs; using transitions between paragraphs would enhance the effectiveness of the organization

• incorporates quotations throughout the essay set off in parentheses; building the quotes into the text itself would create a more natural style

• could have better utilized the introduction and conclusion, providing a more effective set-up and closure, leading to a stronger overall argument.


Criterion C: style and language usage Maximum level 10


5–6 The student’s use of vocabulary is usually appropriate and generally varied. Some errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder communication. The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience.


• makes few errors; writing is accurate

• attempts to use a register appropriate to the task; inconsistencies in register occur with the occasional colloquialism

• sometimes repeats expressions; a more precise and varied vocabulary would improve the style.

Student work


Analytical essay responding to Elie Wiesel’s Night There are many events and incidents that I find effective that are Night. I have decided that one event stands out over all the others. That is the death march and the train journey after the march (chapter 7). The death march takes place in the end of the book (chapter 6) and is really terrifying.

The Germans are losing the war and they decide to abandon the concentration camps with the Jews and bring them to safe places. The death March is an incredible event. The Jews, including Elie Wiesel, have been weakened sincerely by the months in which they have lived in the concentration camps. They are forced to march at quite a fast pace through the night. In this march many Jews die and it is amazing that many were able to keep up with the pace because they were so weakened. They had marched for 42 miles before they were able to rest. The book describes this event from the view of Elie Wiesel, similarly all of the events in the book.

The other event is on the train. This event covers a time period of many days. The Jews have been put into a train and receive very little food and drink. The things that stand out in this event are that the Jews even start killing each other for just a few crumbs of bread. Another thing that stands out is the amount of people that died during the train journey. 100 people were put in the wagon where Elie Wiesel was in and only a dozen people came out alive.

I find these incidents so effective because of the amazing things that happen during the time. For the death March I find the way that Elie Wiesel has written it, is quite effective. He doesn’t bore us with the endless thinking of what he should do. He picks out the most interesting points of the journey and talks about those. An example of this is when the boy falls on the ground just because he has a stomach ache, and dies (“I can’t go any longer. My stomach’s bursting...”). This event shows us how harsh the Jews were treated and how difficult the journey was. The two main events that happen are some of the most important and interesting ones that happen in the book. They are one of the most important events because they are events that follow up to the death of Elie’s father. They are one of the interesting events because as I said the events that happen are amazing. The two events stand out. Somehow I find that they stand out and stay in my memory better than the rest.

The death march is fast paced. This is because it is an interesting and frightening event. Elie Wiesel uses mostly negative images because it was a terrifying event and because of his hatred for the Nazis. The negative images that Elie gives are for example, the commanding of the Nazi soldiers (“Faster, you filthy sons of bitches, pg 97), the forcing of marching in the night and the death of so many people in the incident. The mood is quite sad because he keeps on thinking about not stopping and having pity on his father. He also describes the death of a Polish boy, who died just because of having a stomach ache. The death march is a good title for it because it was a torture to the Jews and many of them died. The author first gives an example of a person dying showing how terrible it was (“I can’t go any longer, stomach’s bursting”, pg 97), and then describes the torture he goes through (“my painful foot, a shudder went through me at each step”, pg 98) and then finally the struggle to stay alive (“My father’s presence was the only thing that stopped me… … I had no right to let myself die. What would he do without me.”, pg98). The style is quite easy to read because of the intention of it to the readers, which is that it will be exciting and understood. The quote “We were masters of nature, masters of the world, we had forgotten everything, pg 99,” uses words that make the passage interesting and very fast to read. It is difficult to do this with difficult language.

The train journey occurs further on in the book. It takes place over a few days. It is important because, it is one of the reasons why Elie’s farther died. It is also one of the last big negative incidents where the Jews had to suffer. It is effective because some things that were done were very special and I wouldn’t have imagined that people could have been so tortured that they would other Jews, it makes the event stand out. An amazing thing is the amount of people that died in the train (“ A hundred of us had got into the wagon. A dozen of us got out.”). I find that the pace is rather slow because of the sad mood. The author gives mainly images of the suffering that they are going and the struggle of the people staying alive. I find this the most effective event that occurs in the book because it shows that the Nazis are not the only people that do bad things and the events that happen in this incident are truly amazing. (“Dozens of starving men fought each other to the death for a few crumbs”, pg 111).


English A Essay


Criterion A B C


“The Cask of Amontillado”: critical response

Background

Throughout the class’s study of the short story, different aspects of the genre were considered, including setting, plot structure, characterization, conflict, theme, mood and tone. At the end of the unit, the students were asked to write a critical essay on a short story they had not read in class.

Assignment

• Identify the theme of the story and show the literary devices the author has used to express this theme.

• The essay should include direct quotes from the text.

Brainstorming and organizing ideas were the first steps. After this, each student completed a rough draft and then had a conference with the teacher to discuss suggestions for improvement.

Assessment



Descriptor

7–8 The student demonstrates a good understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme. The work displays substantial detail, development and support. Creative pieces reflect substantial imagination and sensitivity. The student’s response to literature demonstrates a good appreciation of the author’s intention and techniques.


• thoughtfully discusses how different aspects of the short story contribute to the development of the theme, showing good understanding of the theme and genre

• clearly explains irony—a concept that is difficult for many students—showing good understanding of the short story

• includes appropriate supporting quotes with clear explanations, resulting in substantial development of ideas

• discusses the effect of literary devices intelligently, showing a good appreciation of techniques; direct evidence of their contribution to the overall theme—as requested in the directions for the assignment—would enable this piece to reach the top mark in content.




7–8 The student’s work is usually well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a thoughtful, logical manner. Paragraph structure and transitions help to develop the ideas. When such devices are required, sufficient attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• has written a clear and coherent essay

• structures paragraphs well, with ideas developing logically and naturally

• utilizes quotations effectively with occasional minor errors

• organizes ideas logically, allowing arguments to develop persuasively

• uses transitions within paragraphs to contribute to the development of ideas; transitions between paragraphs could be stronger, allowing a more persuasive development of the overall argument.



Descriptor



• utilizes a suitable register throughout the essay

• attempts to vary the vocabulary, with variable success

• commits errors frequently while striving for effective sentence variety.

Student work


Analytical essay discussing “The Cask of Amontillado” Some themes are only true for a curtain period in history, however the “The Cask of Amontillado” by the famous writer Edgar Allan Poe is not one of them. This short story is about a man versus his rival friend, the dislikes between them and the way one deals with this rivalry by his eagerness for revenge. Revenge is the simple theme itself around which like the bricks to the foundation the literary elements bring it come alive. The literary elements such as point of view, characters and conflict along with numerous numbers of irony are all involved in this sp1endid piece of work by the writer.

First off all the way this story was written is different to which we have read in class it’s not only harder but makes you open up a whole new side to the story. The reason for that being Poe writes this story form the perspective of Montresor (our protagonist) who vows revenge against Fortunato (the antagonist) in an effort to support and keep his family motto ”Nemo me impune lacessit” which basically means no one can attack me with out being punished. I believe and feel that the reader becomes quickly aware of the fact that Montresor is not a reliable narrator, due to the fact that he has a tendency to exaggerate terribly, as he refers to the “thousand injuries” that he has suffered at the hands of Fortunato. He also tries to convince the reader that his intentions are only for honoring his family’s traditional motto. Poe I believe doesn’t want us to simplify with Montresor because he has been wronged by Fortunato but rather judge him. Telling the story from the protagonist’s point of view intensifies the effect of moral horror. And by this the reader without noticing jumps or is inside the sinister mind of our protagonist.

The second literally element which I have noticed was the way Poe used the characters of the story and the way he played with their creation. Although several characters were mentioned the main focus lays on Montresor the narrator of this horror story, and Fortunato for who Montresor pledges revenge for his insults. When the two actually meet during the carnival, there is a warm greeting with shaking of hands which Montresor attributes to the fact that Fortunato had been drinking. Montresor also appears to be “happy” to see Fortunato since he is planning to murder him. Fortunato’s clown or party costume appears to be appropriate not only for the carnival season but also for the fact that Montresor intends to make a “fool” out of him.

The most significant and probably the clearest element used by Poe is irony in all kinds. There are numerous examples of verbal irony (character says one thing and means something else) within Montresor’s words. He expresses his concern about Fortunato’s health, and several times suggest they should go back for the fear of Fortunato’s caught. One of the stories best lines is also ironic, there Montresor in response to Fortunato saying,” I will not die of a cough.” Montresor says,”True-true...” Other examples of irony are when Montresor toasts Fortunato a long life as well as when he addresses at the end Fortunato to rest in peace! Dramatic irony also (the reader perceives something that a character in the story does not) occurs when the reader becomes painfully aware of what will become of Fortunato even though the character continues his descent into the catacombs in pursuit of the Amontillado.

The Cask of Amontillado is truly a great work of literature and one recommends it to all who wish to see an ironic horror within or with the eyes of a complicated and strange character. In this story everything contributed to a curtain unique and single effect. Poe further adds to this effect by calling the character Fortunato (who is anything but fortunate), and by the end of Poe’s story, Montresor has gotten his revenge against unsuspecting Fortunato, whose taste for wine has led him to his death. Once again we are reminded of the coat of arms and the Montresor family motto. The insignia is symbolic of Montresor’s evil character, who like the serpent intends to get revenge.


English A Essay


Criterion A B C


Lord of the Flies: pigs and evil

Background

After studying Lord of the Flies by William Golding, the students wrote an expository essay, selecting one of three possible topics. All three questions were based on ideas already discussed/analysed/ considered in class. While the possible topics provided enough guidance for the weaker students, the topics also provided room for the more able students to explore new ideas.

Assignment

• Select one of the following topics to develop into an expository essay, utilizing a variety of precise quotes to support your view.

1. Discuss how one symbol encapsulates the theme of Lord of the Flies.

2. Select a main character. Discuss how this character represents a main idea of the novel.

3. In many works of literature, nature parallels society, illustrating the significance of setting. Explain how this technique is utilized in Lord of the Flies.

• Strive for a well-organized, articulate, thoughtful response to the question, showing your perceptive understanding of the novel.

The writing process started with the students generating their thoughts in a brainstorm, then selecting and organizing their ideas into an outline with specific supporting quotes from the text, and noting the principles of organization used. After the outline was finished, the students worked in peer groups to explain their ideas, both the content and the organization. Over the course of three lessons, the students wrote a rough draft. They then edited this draft using feedback from their peers, an essay self-check list and the MYP criteria. The edited draft was then submitted to the teacher for feedback. All suggestions for improvement were considered and possibly incorporated into the final draft, taking one week to complete.


Assessment



Descriptor

9–10 The student demonstrates a perceptive understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme. The work consistently displays illustrative detail, development and support. Creative pieces reflect a high degree of imagination and sensitivity. The student’s response to literature demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques.


• demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques by noting key scenes and explaining the significance of nuance and the implication of language

• exhibits a perceptive understanding by identifying the theme of the work captured in one symbol. The pigs, and the horrors that happen to them throughout the novel, clearly encapsulate the theme of the work

• selects and incorporates quotes effectively, interweaving key passages seamlessly into the text

• explains the significance and relevance of each quote within each paragraph, thus providing consistent, thorough development of the ideas

• makes some slightly weaker connections between the symbol and the theme, resulting in a level 9 rather than a level 10.



9–10 The student’s work is consistently well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a perceptive and persuasive manner. Paragraph structure and transitions effectively develop and substantiate the ideas being expressed. When such devices are required, critical conventions and apparatus are used in a sophisticated manner.


• structures arguments effectively, clearly showing the development of the central idea throughout the text

• presents ideas clearly and coherently

• organizes paragraphs effectively, making an assertion and then proving the claim through explanation and quotation interwoven naturally

• utilizes transitions within paragraphs well; however, these transitions could be improved.




9–10 The student’s use of vocabulary is always appropriate and greatly varied with very infrequent errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax. The student has mastered the use of a register suitable to intention and audience.


• utilizes a varied and precise word choice

• consistently uses an effective register

• experiments with new expressions, with some being more effective than others. These occasional misused phrases result in a level 9 rather than a level 10.

Student work


Expository essay in response to Lord of the Flies Is evil an inevitable aspect of man that is hidden by the mask of civilisation? In his confronting and shocking novel, Lord of the Flies, Golding portrays the evil within man through a seemingly innocent animal; a pig. Throughout the novel, the characters represent the fall from civility to a state of savage dimensions as the mask of civilisation slowly disintegrates. The influence of society on an individual can control the evil within him. However, as this influence fades and gradually disappears, evil emerges and dictates the actions and thoughts of that individual. The diminishing of societal influence is demonstrated by the killing of the pigs in Lord of the Flies.

Golding shows the boys’ initial innocence through their inability to kill pigs. The boys consider the hunting of pigs as a challenge and do not foresee the atrocious and shocking consequences of a seemingly innocent game. They are unable to imagine these consequences because they are protected by the shield of society. The society in which the boys formerly lived protected them from anything that might sully their innocence thus preventing them from seeing further than their immediate actions. When given the opportunity to kill a pig, Jack is unable to do so ‘...because of the enormity of the knife descending and cutting into living flesh....’ The boys are still under the strong influence of societal norms and abide to the rules set by figures of authority in their former lives. Society views children as a symbol of innocence and the education of children is influenced by this perception.

As the novel proceeds the influence of society diminishes and the boys become more eager to spill blood, reflecting the emergence of evil and the loss of innocence. Contrary to the initial reluctance to kill a living animal, Jack is now eager to make his first kill. This readiness to kill is a sign of the surfacing of evil within him. Although he fails on his first attempt, he is consequently all the more determined to kill a pig.

‘...[T]he compulsion to track down and kill… was swallowing him up.’ As a result of the weakening influence of authority and order, the boys are relatively free to do as they please. Jack interprets this freedom as being able to kill without having to bear the consequences. However, societal influence has not been completely lost. Despite the fact that Jack is proud of the atrocity which he has committed, ‘ “I cut the pig’s throat,” said Jack, proudly...’ he is troubled by what he has done, ‘...and yet twitched as he said it.’ Jack somewhat realises that what he has done is wrong and is afraid, showing that he retains some of his innocence.

The increase in the brutality and violence of the killings reflects the decrease of societal influence on the boys. Jack becomes obsessed with hunting and as the frequency of these killings increases, so does the violence with which they are committed. The passion with which the hunters hunt and ‘The desire to squeeze and hurt....’ becomes uncontrollable until they are unable to stop themselves. The killings escalate until they become more than just killings. ‘... [T]he sow fell and the hunters hurled themselves at her.... Jack was on top of the sow, stabbing downward.... The sow collapsed under them and they were heavy and fulfilled upon her.’ Jack and his gang commit this killing in such a savage manner that it no longer resembles a killing; rather, it is portrayed as a gang rape. This brutal action is the quintessence of evil, the killings are no longer a mere necessity for survival, they have become acts of pure malevolence. The destructive and evil nature of man has overtaken the boys and they are compelled to kill. Moreover, their ability to distinguish right from wrong has been lost because they no longer possess proper morals and values. The apparent lack of order within the group of boys allows for the true face of evil to replace the mask of civilisation.

The increase in the frequency and brutality of the pig killings represents the evil in man that is allowed to overtake when the influence of society is lost. Through the killing of pigs in his novel Lord of the Flies, Golding successfully portrays that as the mask of order and civility fades, the true evil nature of man emerges. Golding shows us that, given the wrong circumstances, the evil within all of us can emerge and its influence can become so strong that we disregard the effects of our actions.

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 C1 : 1

English A Creative writing


Criterion A B C

Level achieved n/a 6 5

Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers …”

Background

While studying poetry, along with the usual range of poetic devices and styles of poetry, the importance of structure and its role in developing meaning were emphasized. At the end of this extensive poetry unit, students wrote original poems.

Assignment

• Write an original poem.

• The poem should create an experience for the reader by provoking feelings and thoughts. (As the best writing springs from experience, it’s a good idea to draw on your own experiences.)

• The structure of the poem should complement and contribute to the meaning. Incorporate poetic devices to enhance the ideas.

A rough draft was submitted to the teacher, who discussed it with each student prior to the completion of the final draft.

Assessment



Not applicable

This work has not been assessed against criterion A as evaluating the content of a poem can be problematic. As the unit of work leading up to creation of the poem focused on structure and language, evaluating the content may not be appropriate.

If specific guidelines/discussion regarding content had been considered, this criterion could have been applied to the poem.




5–6 The student’s work is basically organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a logical manner. Paragraph structure and transitions are apparent. When such devices are required, some attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• utilizes stanzas effectively, developing one image in each stanza

• develops ideas in a basic chronological order which, while clear, does not achieve the thoughtful order required for a level 7–8.



Descriptor



• creates a consistent and appropriate tone of sad regret throughout the poem

• attempts to use rhyme with mixed results. While the vocabulary is varied, some of the expressions are stilted

• commits frequent punctuation errors.

Student work


Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers, She Left with my Heart”

She came with cold fingers, Asking for some warmth. Her boyfriend had left her,

And had shown no remorse.

I stopped to think, But only for a second.

For I had let her in, When I awed strikingly beckoned.

Now we both sat,

In the warm living room. As she warmed her hands,

While looking out at the moon.

For in the reflection, Of the shimmering glass mirror.

I saw not the moon, But a goddess mirrored.

Her face was truly,

A wonderful sight to see. Her everlasting beauty, Crawled all over me.

Her eyes were so gentle,

So soft and so free. I thought, “She is so caring,

Like a willow tree.”

Her clothes are so modest, So gentle and fair. That even if dirty,

One could not care.

Her hair was yellow straw, Her lips rose red.

There wasn’t a flaw, In anything that she said.

Her face was a wonder,

That would make anyone think About how stunning she was, Dressed in a shocking pink.

Student work


She was a splendor, A gift from God. A playful image,

That made me just nod.

For whatever she said, Was filled with calm and care.

I could not believe, That she really sat there.

But it could not last,

It wasn’t to be. She took one last sip from her flask,

Then turn to thank me.

“You don’t have to go,” I said with despair.

There is a spare bedroom, I don’t really care.

But she just thanked me for helping her,

For taking her in. I said, “Not a problem,

We’re all in a way, kin.”

And she was gone, She turned away. She left me alone,

She came with cold fingers, but left with my heart.




Criterion A B C


Deceptions of love: sonnets and analysis of Iago’s deceptions in Othello by William Shakespeare

Background

After studying Othello by William Shakespeare, the students composed a piece of creative writing as a follow-up writing activity. The students kept a reading-response log while reading Othello. They formed five different acting companies; they picked a scene from one of the five acts; they prepared the scene; they made subtext decisions about elements such as costuming, staging and interpretation; they developed a director’s prompt book and presented the scenes to the class. The teacher evaluated the presentations. The students also reviewed poetic devices and applied them to Othello as well as to a selection of the sonnets.

Assignment

• Create a pastiche, sonnets, creative prequel or sequel, love letters, or missing scene from Othello, and provide notes explaining your choices and developments.

• Remember that even though this is a creative piece, you are showing your knowledge of the play and analytical skills in interpreting characters and plot in a new way (content). Of course, structure must be purposeful and persuasive. Language must also be used effectively and suited to the task chosen; choose either Shakespearean or modern. Create your own ideas, and discuss them with your teacher for approval.

• This will be a multi-draft piece (planning, rough draft, revision and a final draft).

• Choose one of the following topics for your assignment.

1. Write a new monologue by one of the characters that provides insight into the character and plot.

2. Choose a place in the play that you feel is missing some vital information, and write a new scene that reveals insight into the plot and characters.

3. Write Othello: The Post Years revealing the characters’ lives after the end of the play.

4. Write a series of four sonnets that tie into the play Othello and reveal information about characters and/or plot.

The students were given one week to write their topic proposal. They then had 10 days in which to complete a rough draft and peer edit. The students took another 10 days to prepare the final draft. Only the conference with the teacher (topic approval) and peer editing occurred during class time; all other work was done outside of class.

The following piece is a series of four sonnets.


Assessment



Descriptor



• demonstrates a good understanding of the theme of manipulation

• utilizes a variety of points of view in the sonnet, revealing a firm grasp of the relevant aspects of the theme

• begins to explain ideas thoroughly; however, further development of ideas in the analysis would provide a clearer explanation.



Descriptor

7–8 The student’s work is usually well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a thoughtful, logical manner. Paragraph structure and transitions help to develop the ideas. When such devices are required, sufficient attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• explains ideas clearly and coherently in the sonnets as well as in the analysis

• utilizes the structure of the sonnet accurately, organizing thoughts and rhyme scheme according to the specifications of this complicated poem

• employs consistent iambic pentameter with a fair degree of success: a difficult feat for the best of poets.




Descriptor

7–8 The student’s use of vocabulary is appropriate and varied. Occasional errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax rarely hinder communication. The student consistently uses a register suitable to intention and audience.


• incorporates quotes accurately

• writes with a good degree of accuracy even with more complicated structures

• utilizes a varied vocabulary, although some expressions and phrases are repeated within the analysis, which results in a level 7 rather than a level 8.

Student work


Deceptions of love in Othello

Statement of intent

Othello a Moor and Venetian general, is wed to Desdemona, the daughter of a Venetian senator. After Othello gives Cassio the position of lieutenant, Iago, a close friend of Othello, plans to destroy Othello. In William Shakespeare’s Othello, Shakespeare uses Iago, who manipulates the other characters through the deceptions of love he creates between the other characters, to show how love is easily manipulated into war.

The sonnets and Shakespeare’s Othello reveal how Iago manipulates people through the deception of love he creates between Desdemona and Othello, which leads to war. Iago convinces Othello of Desdemona’s alleged infidelity with Cassio (3.3.224-36) and reassures Desdemona that Othello’s rage and jealousy is nothing to fear (4.2.194-6). With these deceptions Iago is able to drive Othello mad with jealousy, which in turn ends with the death of Othello and Desdemona. In the beginning of the play, Iago makes Roderigo believe he can win Desdemona back if he is very wealthy (1.2.384-7) because Desdemona and Othello’s love is short-lived. Iago is able to manipulate Roderigo through a deception in the love between Desdemona and Othello, which leads to his assault with Cassio. In the sonnets I showed the deception, made by Iago, which resulted in war and ultimately death. For example, lines from Roderigo’s sonnet show the deceptions made by Iago (5, 6, 11, and 12), which later lead to the conclusion, “I went to kill Cassio with my sword, but he did kill me without my last word” (13-14). Shakespeare uses a single character, Iago, to show how love is manipulated into war.

Iago creates a deception of love and friendship between himself and the other characters,

which lead to the manipulation of love into war. Iago uses his own wife in order to obtain the handkerchief (3.3.363), which has the power to drive Othello and Desdemona apart (3.4.81). He deceives his wife who does not know why he wants the handkerchief but gives it to him because she loves him. However, when she finds out what is happening he kills her. Iago plays off of the relationships and specifically deceptions of love he creates between characters, in order to manipulate them into killing each other. Emilia’s sonnet reads, “Though I fear he may be up to no good...But it means so much to my fair lady... I gave it to him to do as he wished” (2, 6, 10). I used this to show that in spite of the fact that Desdemona loved the handkerchief, and Emilia suspected Iago to be planning something, she gave the handkerchief to her husband. This shows Emilia’s love toward Iago and her belief that Iago loves her in return. Again, Shakespeare uses Iago to manipulate the other characters love into war.

In Othello, love is used to bring people at war with one another and Shakespeare

demonstrates how this is easily accomplished with one character. Iago devises an elaborate set of lies in order to manipulate the other characters and bring them to war with each other. Iago demonstrates Homo Faber in that he shows the ability of humans to think methodically.

Student work


Sonnets

The fair Desdemona turned me down once Though my friend Iago reassures me. He said I should have Desdemona, hence My efforts have had me search for the key. It was all too clear that I should impress. I saved up my money and gave her gifts. When I did not see her in the new dress, I knew he had set me up to be miffed. I went to Iago without delay, And asked what kind of fool he saw me as. He said it was Cassio who should pay, For what we want is what Cassio has. I went to kill Cassio with my sword, But he did kill me with out one last word. When first my eyes did see him standing there, He stood and talked so bravely I felt scared. As time went on I saw he was more fair, I showed only the emotions I dared. I loved him for the journeys he had told, He loved me, for that I did care for them. We did profess our love to be so bold, Though it was said to be a passing whim. He and I did prove our love to be strong, Until the handkerchief was dropped and lost. He was cold and rude to me for so long, With flaring temper cold as morning frost. He spoke to me one last time in our bed, And before night was over I lay dead. My husband Iago is close to all, Though I fear he may be up to no good. His hate for the Moor may lead to his fall, He does not tell me though I wish he would. He bids me to steal the red handkerchief, But it means so much to my fair lady. Its powers are backed by Egyptian myth, Though he does bother me almost daily. The Handkerchief dropped and I did find it, I gave it to him to do as he wished. If only I had known his plans for it, I would soon have returned it unblemished. I see where he is and what he has done, Time has run out; now all is lost and gone.

Student work


The knave has stolen my lieutenancy, And the fair Othello will pay for it. I tell the fool to save up currency, For he will help me through his lack of wit. Desdemona and my wife can assist, Though I am esteemed to be a great friend. Imagine him not able to resist, He is too stiff and will not dare to bend. With the handkerchief in my possession, No one can stop my ingenious plan. He soon will end his jealous obsession, And find the truth about his greatest fan. They kill each other at my own command, One will remain; only one left to stand.




Criterion A B C


“The Masquerade, the Fox and the Quilt”: a new soliloquy for Iago and an explanation of its significance

Background

After studying Othello by William Shakespeare, the students composed a piece of creative writing as a follow-up writing activity. The students kept a reading-response log while reading Othello. They formed five different acting companies; they picked a scene from one of the five acts; they prepared the scene; they made subtext decisions about elements such as costuming, staging and interpretation; they developed a director’s prompt book and presented the scenes to the class. The teacher evaluated the presentations. The students also reviewed poetic devices and applied them to Othello as well as to a selection of the sonnets.

Assignment

• Create a pastiche, sonnets, creative prequel or sequel, love letters, or missing scene from Othello, and provide notes explaining your choices and developments.

• Remember that even though this is a creative piece, you are showing your knowledge of the play and analytical skills in interpreting characters and plot in a new way (content). Of course, structure must be purposeful and persuasive. Language must also be used effectively and suited to the task chosen; choose either Shakespearean or modern. Create your own ideas, and discuss them with your teacher for approval.

• This will be a multi-draft piece (planning, rough draft, revision and a final draft).

• Choose one of the following topics for your assignment.

1. Write a new monologue by one of the characters that provides insight into the character and plot.

2. Choose a place in the play that you feel is missing some vital information, and write a new scene that reveals insight into the plot and characters.

3. Write Othello: The Post Years revealing the characters’ lives after the end of the play.

4. Write a series of four sonnets that tie into the play Othello and reveal information about characters and/or plot.

The students were given one week to write their topic proposal. They then had 10 days in which to complete a rough draft and peer edit. The students took another 10 days to prepare the final draft. Only the conference with the teacher (topic approval) and peer editing occurred during class time; all other work was done outside of class.

The following piece is in response to topic 1: Write a new monologue by one of the characters that provides insight into the character and plot.


Assessment



Descriptor



• demonstrates a sophisticated analysis in both the soliloquy and explanatory notes. The perceptive comments on the character of Iago as well as the structure of the soliloquy show keen understanding, and these points are articulated convincingly

• explains ideas clearly, thoroughly and convincingly

• captures the essence of the character’s manipulative traits, showing strong understanding of the theme

• demonstrates a high degree of imagination in creating apt metaphors.





• presents ideas in a perceptive and persuasive manner. The explanatory notes as well as the soliloquy itself are organized purposefully and effectively

• explains complicated ideas clearly and coherently, effectively articulating the multiple meanings implied in the extended metaphor created in the soliloquy

• utilizes transitions effectively.






• uses sophisticated language accurately and artistically

• uses precise and creative diction to create a clear mood and tone that complement the content

• employs sophisticated poetic devices naturally and effectively

• establishes and maintains a register suitable to a Shakespearean soliloquy.

Student work


New soliloquy for Iago

Statement of intent

In the play Othello by William Shakespeare, a Moor and military commander named Othello appoints a man named Cassio to the position of lieutenant. The villainous Iago, jealous of Cassio, devises a scheme that removes Cassio and avenges Othello. For my creative piece, I decided to write a new soliloquy—to be delivered by Iago—that offers a general overview of Iago’s personality, how others perceive him, and how he uses their misperceptions to aid his elaborate scheme. Through the use of metaphors, I describe how a villain earns the trust of those around him, uses them to his advantage, and in the process destroys them.

To help the soliloquy fit in with the rest of the play, I tried to emulate the style of Shakespeare as much as possible. The entire speech follows the form of iambic pentameter, which gives it a gentle, consistent rhythm, and each compound sentence consists of complete phrases that stretch out the sentence for as many as seven or eight lines. I use commas, semicolons, dashes, and periods in order to allow the reader/actor to vary the lengths of the pauses that one places within a sentence. If the actor employs such variation in tone and flow, the audience better absorbs and understands the speech’s meaning and significance.

The speech is divided into three sections, each section containing its own metaphor. The first section, consisting of the first sentence, features Iago talking with candor about his traits. He acknowledges his villainy, saying that he not only hides his true feelings and identity, but that he also takes on multiple personalities, depending on whom he is dealing with at the time. He compares himself to the multiple faces at a masquerade ball: each mask is designed differently, yet every one hides the real face underneath. The second section talks about the trust that the characters put in his guises. He specifically mentions Roderigo, who puts his faith in Iago from the first act to the last. Iago compares Roderigo to a fox that forgets to think before he jumps and lands in a trap. This metaphor fits in with Iago’s early use of comparisons to animals in the play. The third and final section starts with the opening of the metaphor comparing each character to a patch in a quilt. The quilt symbolizes the grand scheme that Iago sets up, and the flames of the fire that engulf the quilt are like the flames of hell, slowly spreading to new patches and destroying everything in its way. Iago is so evil that each character who seeks Iago’s help or advice ends up dead.

Iago is one of the most famous villains ever created, and I expected to open Othello to find a secretive, disliked wretch—someone who stands out to all the other characters in the play as one to be avoided. Instead, in Act I, scene i, I discovered that he is not secretive at all; rather, he rambles about his jealousy and his intentions for revenge to Roderigo. This puzzled me at first: if Iago is such a crafty villain, why would he be so unwise as to reveal his motives to another? I soon realized, however, that Iago never reveals everything about himself; rather, he gains the trust of those around him and then employs them in his grand scheme. The soliloquy addresses Iago’s motivation for disguising his behavior in the following excerpt:

Roderigo thinks that I am much like him— So full of pure jealousy and unrest That I will hold no qualm but to announce Every single motive that I hold To any man who offer me his ear.

By understanding why Iago behaves in such a manner in the presence of Roderigo, one can understand how he will manipulate the others throughout the course of the play.

After writing the third metaphor, I realized that the blanket, perhaps, has a deeper significance. Throughout the play, Iago constantly shifts his own character traits around so as to manipulate each person differently, and he hides his true identity underneath the “blanket” of plot that he creates. If the quilt as a whole represents Iago’s ploy, its burning represents Iago’s final exposure. He chooses to let the fire burn, and his refusal to develop ethically over time leads to his downfall.

Student work


Iago’s soliloquy: “The Masquerade, the Fox and the Quilt”

For one that knows me but for one meeting And sees me in but one of my guises, Know this: that I, one Iago, do hold claim To countless schemes and personalities; I am in form most like a masquerade That has its parts of false countenances, Together in a sea of deceptions. For he that judges me after one glance, Thou art too much like that dim-witted fox That better knows himself as Roderigo, For thou wilt without any second thought Jump straight for the jagged teeth of the snare That I have set upon the ground for you. Roderigo thinks that I am much like him— So full of pure jealousy and unrest That I will hold no qualm but to announce Every single motive that I hold To any man who offer me his ear. He sees me ramble on and on about The hatred that I do hold for the Moor And thinks that I have revealed all to him, But he, like all the patches in my quilt, Sees only his aspect in my design And supposes not to take but a step back To see that all the blanket is ablaze With but manipulated jealousy. No one but I have access to the well, And I, of late, seem to have a lead foot That ‘lows me not to fetch the water pail. Rather, I slowly watch the flames creep up Until the fire engulfs all my stitches And leaves nothing but the black soot of hell.

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R1 : 1

English A Response to literature


Criterion A B C


Theban letter to the editor

Background While studying Antigone, the students considered the role of the chorus and its function as representing the voice of society.

Assignment

• Write a letter to the editor from the point of view of a chorus member.

• In the letter, decide who was right: Creon or Antigone.

• Use persuasive, passionate language designed to sway others to your point of view.

• The letter should include specific references to the text.

As the students had previously studied and practised persuasive writing, a brief debate in class served as the warm-up to the writing assignment. This debate was arranged as follows: students sat on opposite sides of the classroom, briefly brainstorming why their position was the only valid one. In an informal debate, with different speakers of the opposing sides taking turns, students attempted to convince the other side that their view was indeed the only correct view. After a few minutes of discussion, students could switch sides if their view had changed, and the debate continued.

After this debate, students wrote their letter to the editor explaining why either Creon or Antigone was correct in his/her decisions and actions.

Assessment Criterion A: content Maximum level 10


3–4 The student demonstrates a limited understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme. The work displays insufficient detail, development and support. Creative pieces reflect limited imagination and sensitivity. The student’s response to literature sometimes demonstrates an awareness of the author’s intention and techniques.


• shows a limited understanding of the topic although there is sometimes an awareness of the author’s intention

• demonstrates a limited understanding of the overall theme

• uses insufficient detail, development and support

• includes some explanation of ideas; more thorough explanation would allow the student to reach a level 5.




3–4 The student’s work shows the beginnings of organization, but lacks significant logical order. Paragraphs and transitions are weak. When such devices are required, little attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• organizes thoughts in a clear manner, grouping ideas together; however, paragraphs are not utilized

• utilizes some transitions.



Descriptor



• uses vocabulary that is usually appropriate and varied although some expressions are inaccurate

• uses a suitable register throughout

• writes with a good degree of accuracy, although some simple errors are present.

Student work


Letter to the editor

Dear editor,

I am writing a letter to inform my views on the situation of conflict in hand between Creon and Antigone. I find that Antigone is or has done the right thing as god’s will is our will and god’s laws are certainly our laws. Antigone has done the right thing as Polynices was her brother and she certainly did not want him to suffer eternally. In my views as the chorus member, I find it natural and rightous to do a proper burial for own self’s brother. It is also our great god’s will to do a proper burial no matter who the mortal was, as they deserve a peaceful rest and happy eternal after life. Creon’s reaction to the law’s breaking was natural but overreacting. The way he is treating Antigone was wrong, and by that he is going againt the god’s law, which is unacceptable and he surely will pay if he does not do the right thing. Creon does not see the suffer he will recieve if he does not change fast. Creon’s choices and thoughts do not oversee the outcome and the punishment he will recieve from the gods Haemon is doing what is best for all, and tries to find the correct solution for every happening. He is not wrong nor right, as he does not have the power to change 2 very stubborn people’s mind. Although the task is difficult for him, in relation wise and person wise, he tries his very best to do what is right for his father and his fiancee. Haemon is very admirable for his actions and descisions. I hope to recieve a reply in close future. Please take my thoughts and considerations to thought. Thank you

Yours sincerly,




Criterion A B C


Hamlet’s dream

Background

While studying Hamlet by William Shakespeare, the students considered the motivations and conflicts facing the title character. The students wrote a soliloquy in which Hamlet talks/thinks about a dream, and which reveals the character’s dilemmas, motivations and obstacles.

Assignment

• Include elements of a soliloquy, reflecting Hamlet’s thoughts and feelings accurately.

• A dream-like atmosphere should be created through transitions.

• Vivid imagery and direct quotes from the text should be included.

Prior to composing, the class discussed the nature of dreams, particularly the abrupt and seemingly disconnected transitions, as well as elements of the unreal. The vivid imagery of dreams was also discussed. A first draft was then written, followed by peer editing in which students commented on strengths as well as areas for improvement. Students then considered incorporating these suggestions into a final draft.

Assessment



Descriptor



• shows a clear and accurate understanding of the character’s actions and dilemmas

• includes vivid details and imagery

• shows strong imagination throughout

• does not include direct quotes from the text.




7–8 The student’s work is usually well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a thoughtful and logical manner. Paragraph structure and transitions help to develop the ideas. When such devices are required, sufficient attention is paid to critical apparatus.


• organizes thoughts in a clear and coherent manner, enabling the reader to follow the progression of the dream with relative ease

• incorporates creative transitions effectively between paragraphs, utilizing the speaker’s movements to link the ideas

• could have achieved greater coherence within paragraphs.





• uses a vocabulary that is usually appropriate and varied although some expressions are inaccurate

• uses a suitable register throughout

• writes with a good degree of accuracy, although some simple errors are present.

Student work


Hamlet’s dream sequence soliloquy I had the most dreadful dream last night. It was absolutely haunting. I was walking around, acting mad of course, and reading my book peacefully, as I walked into the main hall. As I looked up, to see if that rat of an uncle was in there, I spotted a coffin, right in the middle. As I came closer, I saw my father’s name engraved into the coffin. I prayed for a few moments, not even asking myself where this huge thing came from.

As I turned around, I felt a sudden shiver run up my spine, and something made me turn around, as if I was being forced, by some invisible rope. When I glanced over my shoulder, I saw smoke rising from the casket, and then suddenly he was there. My father had appeared out of thin air, once again. I started to sweat. He looked terrible. Even worse then last time I noticed. I could see differences in his facial features. He seemed more distressed then last time, and looked enraged. He looked famished, even for a ghost, and he seemed to be abused. His body was covered in burns, and scabs, and there seemed to be a fresh cut on his forehead. His eyes were bulging. He seemed to be suffering a great deal.

I felt the guilt and fear that was all bottled up in my body, increase, and get worse and worse, as if my entire heart was about to explode, shattering like a wine bottle that was thrown across the room by a violent drunk. My father was furious that I had not followed through on what I was asked to do.

“Hamlet! You disappoint me! He deserves to die! Claudius deserves to die! Don’t you want to show that ‘snake’ what he deserves? But just remember Hamlet, whatever feelings you have for your mother right now, your mother is naught to be hurt! You shall treat her with some more respect from now on! Swear! Swear to me that you will not let the bad egg of your family take over the reign of Denmark! You deserve to be king, Hamlet! Don’t let that weasel take over! Swear!!”

As he descended in to his coffin, it vanished, and I felt a sudden rush of anger and courage. I leaped up, and went to get my sword. This incestuous, murdering fool, was going to pay once and for all. I ran, tripping in my anxiety. As I reached the stairs, I was turning more and more crazy. My mouth started to foam, and it was like someone else was running in my place. Like a dog with rabies was running in my place. As I took the last few cold steps, I took my sword out of the holder that was tied around my waist. It was like all the feelings of fear and indecision had vanished, like snow when the sun rises. I felt the adrenalin rush through my body, from my head to my toes. I felt invincible. I felt like no matter what happened, or what I did, it would all work out! I sped through the empty halls, swerving my sword in front of me, stopping at every portrait of him, and slashing my sword into the canvas.

As I reached the master bedroom, I threw the door open, where I found the king and my mother, enjoying their selves in their incestuous pleasures. They were rubbing mud over each other, both naked, in a most sensual manner. The parts that didn’t have blood on them, looked ghost like, pale as a mop. Their facial expressions looking surreal and hungered, as if they vampires, about to suck each others necks. My mother was clawing Claudius’s neck, as I walked in, and because of the shock, dug them right in to his neck, causing it to bleed. She shrieked, and tried to cover herself with the filthy sheets, and straightening her hair, desperately avoiding immediate eye contact. I suddenly felt a surge of violence, ran over to the bed, and pulled my mother off of it by her long hair, that was usually so fine and silky, but now looked like a bouquet of tails that belonged to sewer rats. She was screaming like a pig who was about to get stuck, as I pulled her across the floor, and threw her out of the door. She remained on the cold floor, sobbing, but I didn’t care, and slammed the door in to her face.

When I turned around, what used to be a bed room, had turned in to a dungeon, with rats crawling, and nothing but chains and some hay. I had spotted Claudius in the corner, chained to a wall. I could have him now. I could stick a sword in to his heart, and kill him. Then, I suddenly hard my mother wailing, and screaming, and felt more and more guilt. I felt sorry for her. This would be her second husband dead. As I tried to block out the screaming, and tried to turn back, to make sure that this all would get reversed, when I started to hear my father’s voice:

Student work


“Swear!!” getting repeated, over and over again. There was no way back! I gripped onto my sword, decided where he was, and then closed my eyes, and blindly started running into the direction of where I thought he was. As I was running, one of the filthy, brown rats skidded across the floor, causing me to trip, and land on the floor. Suddenly, the king had been released from his chains, and was standing above me, laughing cruelly, his eyes like one of a snake. Suddenly, my mother had unlocked the door, and came inside, looking beautiful and quaint, except for her eyes, which were also like snakes. She came to stand next to Claudius, and was now also laughing.

Suddenly, I was no longer in a dungeon, but in the middle of the main hall, where people were having a banquet. It was a wedding. It was again the wedding of Claudius and my mother. As I was lying the middle, the blood seeping from my stomach, my heart was aching. As I tried to look around, I saw Polonius laughing, Ophelia laughing, Rosencrantz laughing, and Guildstern laughing, Laertes laughing. Everyone was there, laughing, except Horatio. He was nowhere to be found. I felt trapped, and then suddenly the room started spinning, making the people look like vultures, with hunger in their eyes. When the room stopped spinning, my eyes rested on my ‘dear mother and father’. They were showing the world their incestuous games, by kissing each other, smearing mud over each other’s cheeks.




Criterion A B C


Poetry assignment: animal poems

Background

As one of the final activities of an in-depth study of poetry involving a variety of activities and discussions, students had 80 minutes to write a 700-word essay in response to one of two questions.

Assignment

• One aim of poetry is to make the reader consider a living creature in a new light. Explore one or two poems that, in your view, are particularly successful in achieving this. Show how the words and the way they have been used stimulate the reader’s imagination.

• Analysis of the poets’ intentions and techniques, supported by apt quotations from the text, must be included.

Students were also reminded of the importance of logical progression of analysis, and thoughtful and purposeful organization of ideas.

This student selected a question based on “The Mosquito” (D. H. Lawrence) and “The Tom Cat” (Don Marquis).

Assessment



Descriptor



• demonstrates a consistently good understanding of the literature. Beginning with an overview of the poems, the analysis progresses to show in-depth understanding of the two poems

• includes specific and relevant examples, as requested, showing clear understanding of the poets’ intentions and techniques. Some explanation of the significance of quotes follows, providing some development of points. Further, in-depth explanations that clearly prove each point would enable this piece to reach level 9–10.






• organizes ideas well, providing a clear and coherent development of the argument

• structures paragraphs well

• utilizes transitional devices effectively between most paragraphs, enabling ideas to move easily and effectively

• incorporates quotes accurately

• uses transitions effectively between paragraphs, but could have made better connections within paragraphs

• allows a weak conclusion to diminish the overall effectiveness of the organization, thus diminishing the effectiveness of the development of ideas.



Descriptor



• produces writing that is generally free of errors

• utilizes a reasonable variety of vocabulary throughout the essay

• has some difficulties with register. At times, the register is suitable; at times, it is too colloquial. Consistent use of a more formal register would allow this piece to reach level 7–8.

Student work


Discussing two animal poems In some poems that we have studied in class, for example, “The Mosquito” by D.H. Lawrence and “The Tom Cat” by Don Marquis, the poets try make the reader see a living creature in a new light. This is a very effective technique because it makes us, the reader, really think about what the poet is saying. In both poems, “Mosquito” and “Tom Cat”, the poets describe the living creature in great detail to help us see past a frosty exterior and try to create a vivid image of the creature in a different light.

The first poem I will be talking about is “The Tom-Cat” by Don Marquis. In this poem, Marquis describes two lives of the Tom-Cat, one where the creature is portrayed as a friendly house cat and the other where he is evil and vicious. The poet describes the evilness of the cat by setting a scary scene: “Midnight in the alley”, which really gets us into the poem as we start to get an idea of this cat’s personality. Marquis uses words such as “snaky-tail” to emphasise the devil-like appearance of the cat. He describes the cat as “ Malevolent, bony and brindled” which again stress the cruelness of the cat.

Marquis stimulates our imagination by describing why the cat may feel so cruel and evil as he tells the tale long ago of how the cat was “a beast from a world primevel” who has been forced to live a domesticated life. The poet suggests that this gives the cat a reason to “give voice to their scorn of man.”

However, the poem changes dramatically in the following stanza by describing the cat as a family cat, “he will lie on a rug tomorrow and lick his silky fur.” I think the poet added this stanza to remind us of how we see cats in everyday life. In the last stanza, the poet uses repitition, “But at midnight in the alley” to once again stress the evilness in the creature. The poet uses references towards a devil, “snaky, devil, Hell” and quotes “ beat the time for his demon’s song.” This creates a much more mysterious ending to the poem.

This poem makes the reader see past the friendly, family cat and takes the reader inside the mind of this creature to understand his hatred towards man “The Tom-Cat” is very successful in making the reader see the cat in a new light because it shows the reader that cats are not so friendly, and actually are very evil and mysterious creatures with “ a heart that is black and hard.”

On the contrary, however, D.H. Lawrence takes a creature that we consider as “annoying and persistant” and makes us see this creature in a new, even better, light. “The Mosquito” tells the story of a mosquito as it lands on the poet. Lawrence seems very curious about the mosquito as it encircles him and is very inquisitive about the mosquito’s physical appearance, “Why do you stand on such high legs for?”, “why this length of shredded shank?” Lawrence describes physically the build of the mosquito and emphasises on how frail it is but also praises the mosquito and shows signs that he has a great deal of respect for the insect. His use of words, such as “Monsieur,” “exaltation” and “winged victory” help show the reader how Lawrence wants to portray this creature, as an intelligent yet small insect.

Lawrence use of words in this poem help us see the mosquito as a clever creature something that the majority of people would not associate with a mosquito. Lawrence’s use of words in the poem help stimulate our imagination in thinking beyond the annoying, little mosquito and he is very successful in this respect. He makes the reader look at the insect as somewhat human in a way by using personification, “you turn your head towards your tail and smile.”

In both poems, “The Mosquito” and “The Tom-Cat”, the poets vocabulary and use of language help us, the reader, really try to see beyond the typical profile of the creature. Marquis helps us stray away from the usual idea that cats are lovely, cute and friendly pets, and Lawrence helps us look past the annoying, buzzing mosquito and makes us see that actually the insect is quite intelligent, how it encircles its prey and teases it first and then goes in for the kill!!

This technique of poetry is very successful in making us see the creature in a new light, as both “The Mosquito” by D.H Lawrence and “The Tom Cat” by Don Marquis, have shown.




Criterion A B C


Poem commentary: “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen

Background

In response to students’ concerns regarding current events, teachers selected English First World War poetry as a focus in their in-depth poetry study. Part of this study included writing a commentary on Wilfred Owen’s (1893–1918) “Dulce et Decorum Est”. The following specific guidance for the assignment helped students to craft strong commentaries.

Assignment

• Criterion A: content. Your commentary should present a description of the poem. It should also include an interpretation or argument based on the poem, including your opinion on the poet’s purpose in writing it. In support of this argument you should refer to the details of the poem in evidence, explaining their effect on your reading.

• Criterion B: organization. Your commentary must show your ability to organize your ideas with clarity and coherence, and to structure your argument using logically constructed paragraphs and clear transitions that develop your ideas. Use quotations and relevant examples from the text. Of course, you must explain how these examples illustrate your point.

• Criterion C: style and language usage. Aim for a clear, formal style that doesn’t waste words. If in doubt, always aim for simplicity and clarity.

Students followed all the steps of the writing process (brainstorming, selecting, outlining, rough draft, peer feedback, teacher feedback) before writing a final draft.

“Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen (first published 1921)

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,

Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,

Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs

And towards our distant rest began to trudge.

Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots

But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;

Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots

Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.


Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!―An ecstasy of fumbling,

Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,

But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,

And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.―

Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,

As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,

He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace

Behind the wagon that we flung him in,

And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,

His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;

If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood

Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,

Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud

Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,―

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest

To children ardent for some desperate glory,

The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est

Pro patria mori.

Assessment



Descriptor



• comments on surface-level comprehension as well as the subtleties implied throughout, demonstrating a discerning understanding of the poem. For example, noting the importance of personal pronouns, implications of similes, caesuras, structure, pace and their respective effects demonstrates perceptive insight

• clearly explains how diction, techniques and structure create an overall impression


• selects apt quotes and chooses only the key phrases—rather than the entire line as many students do—demonstrating a keen understanding of the key details utilized by the poet. This demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques

• employs modifiers to create a clear, consistent statement about the author’s message—“glorified tales”, “exaggerated patriotism”, “slow, limping pace”—substantiated by close reference to the text, further showing perceptive understanding.





• organizes ideas in a thoughtful manner, enabling the reader to clearly follow their development, providing easy, effective reference to the poem

• utilizes clear topic sentences, allowing the reader to readily understand the idea of the paragraph

• incorporates quotes in such a way that they are seamlessly woven into the text

• could have used transitions between paragraphs more effectively, enabling the piece to reach a level 10.





• utilizes precise, accurate, effective language to develop a consistent tone

• effectively employs a variety of sentence structures

• uses the correct register consistently throughout the commentary.

Student work


Poem commentary Thousands of young men, including Wilfred Owen, died during the First World War. The soldiers’ deaths were glorified by the government and the general public was ignorant of the atrocities that their men confronted.

‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ is a poignant poem with a powerful message about the atrocious nature of war. It is a narrative presumably describing a real incident witnessed by the poet: a gas attack in which a soldier is horribly affected by the gas and will undoubtedly die as a result. The poem is outstanding because it narrates a specific incident, in horrific detail. The rich language with many powerful images, and the abundance of similes and metaphors make the horror of the incident very vivid for the reader, and has a similar effect as the reporting of war on television today. This poem must have had a big impact at the time because reports on the war were censored and there were limited sources of information about the horrors in the war. This poem expresses the poet’s anger and bitterness towards the glorified tales about the war and the exaggerated patriotism and duty expected of the soldiers by the government and the people. The poem is his personal response to the motto written by the classical Roman poet, Horace: “Dulce et Decorum est pro patria mori” (it is sweet and honourable to die for your country). The poems title, ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’, is ironic as it suggests that the content will be the opposite to what it actually is. The poem appears to be address a ‘you’ who supports the idea that it is good to die for your country.

The first two lines of the first stanza describe the soldiers as ‘Bent double, like old beggars...’ and ‘...coughing like hags...’ This comparison to old beggars and hags creates a visual image of the weakness and helplessness of the soldiers and forms a strong opening to the poem, contradicting the common idea that soldiers are strong and healthy. The soldiers are obviously exhausted as many of them march ‘... asleep’ and have ‘...lost their boots’. The use of condensed images, such as ‘...we cursed through/ sludge’ adds to the sense of the soldiers’ fatigue. Throughout this stanza there are several rhythmic pauses in the middle of lines, such as ‘Men march asleep. Many had lost their boots...’ This use of caesuras creates a dragging effect, which reflects the slow, limping pace at which the soldiers are walking. The last two lines of this stanza ‘Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots/ of gas-shells dropping softly behind’ seem to deaden the mood of the poem with the repetition of words beginning with ‘d’.

There is a sudden change of mood and pace at the beginning of the second stanza, which begins with ‘Gas! Gas!’ and this sudden agitation fits with the content. The men try to fit on their gas masks in an attempt to save themselves from the poisonous gas attack, and the panic and agitation that the soldiers feel is also felt by the reader with this change to a fast-paced rhythm. The switch from the halting, broken rhythms of the first stanza to longer, flowing sentences with many action words, such as “fumbling”, “yelling”, “stumbling”, and floundering, adds to the change in mood. These action words give the reader a shocking picture of the man struggling to survive. This process is described with detailed visual images, and the image of the man drowning in thick green light is very vivid. The use of the word ‘drowning’ is used metaphorically, but also describes what is actually happening to the man, as one of the effects of this gas was that you drowned in your own mucous fluids.

The following two-line stanza is a transition from the poet’s description of what happened, to his personal response in which he describes how this incident affected him and continues to haunt him. Although this stanza is isolated from the rest of the poem, because it is told in the present and gives the poet’s personal reaction to the incident, the structure is maintained and the continuance of the rhyming scheme links it to the previous stanza. The poet tells us that in all his dreams, before his ‘...helpless sight’, he sees the man drowning. We see that the poet is helpless and cannot stop the dreams from coming to him. The poet describes the soldier plunging at him, and this scary image gives the reader the sense that the dying soldier is trying to drag the poet down with him, just as a drowning person might drag someone down with them. The repetition of the word ‘drowning’ gives the sense that the poet is obsessed by what happened and also creates the effect of a recurring nightmare. Such nightmares were one of the psychological effects that many soldiers suffered from.

Student work


In the final stanza, Owen gives a horrific visual description of what is happening to the dying man, such as ‘the blood ‘…gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs”. This is an accurate description of the effect of poisonous gas; perhaps chlorine gas that came in green clouds and may be the ‘green light’ and ‘green sea’ that Owen describes in the second stanza and which caused death by asphyxiation and choking. It also caused swelling of the eyes like the man’s ‘...whites eyes writhing in his face’. More surreal, is the simile, which compares the man’s face to a ‘devil’s sick of sin’; this image suggests the evil of war and that even the devil is sick of the killing. The enjambment of the phrase ‘Bitter as the cud’ emphasizes it, and is very effective because the monosyllabic word ‘cud’ is ugly sounding, cutting and suggests that the poet has bitter feelings about the deaths caused by the war.

The use of the address ‘my friend’ seems ironic because the poet is addressing someone who obviously does not share the same views as him, and could be questioning their relationship. The final stanza creates a powerful closure to the poem when the poet tells the reader that if they were in his position and if they had witnessed this event, or one like it, they would not glorify men’s deaths in wars fought for their country.




Criterion A B C


Persuasive speech: “Choose Humanity”

Background

Following the study of Brave New World, persuasive techniques and their influences were discussed. The language of hypnopaedia, John and the World Controller were analysed for their persuasive techniques.

Students are exposed to persuasive, manipulative speech on a daily basis through advertisements. Students worked in pairs to invent and advertise products in 30-second radio advertisements. The effect of word choice was discussed (how to inspire/repel a potential buyer), with the teacher writing key words/phrases on the board. To add a touch of competition, after all the advertisements had been presented, the class voted for the most persuasive, with the winners being awarded a prize. With the list of key words/phrases on the board, the students and the teacher then discussed the denotation and connotation of words and their potential impact.

After this warm-up work, students were given the assignment of writing a persuasive speech about an issue or topic from their class reading. Emphasis was placed on crafting a persuasive speech, and demonstrating awareness and understanding of themes and issues arising from the text. The structure and organization of the speech were also important.

Assignment

• Adopt the role of one of the central characters.

• Persuade your audience either of the virtues of freedom or those of order and stability.

• Persuasive language and techniques should be used where appropriate.

Pre-writing, developing a specific focus, effective organizational strategies and a first draft were the steps of the writing process used for this assignment. Students were given three one-hour periods to complete the task, and the work was handed in to the teacher after each period.


Assessment



Descriptor



• clearly grasps the object of the satire and articulates this point by calling for personal freedom and responsibilities, with both their benefits and costs, thus showing perceptive understanding

• creates a speech that captures the character’s point of view, imaginatively and clearly articulating the author’s message

• includes effective development of concepts contained in the novel; however, including specific quotes from the text could have strengthened the speech.





• structures the speech to immediately and directly engage the audience, then questions and challenges, and finally provides a solution to the problem. This structure leads the audience on a clear and persuasive thought process

• communicates ideas clearly and effectively throughout the speech

• organizes ideas into effective paragraphs, developing each point in a logical, persuasive manner

• utilizes transitions in a sophisticated manner. Rather than relying only on transitional expressions, points at the close of the previous paragraph are moved forward through questions at the start of the next.






• uses passionate, persuasive language effectively and consistently

• develops and maintains an imploring tone throughout

• uses a consistent register, perfectly pitched to the purpose of this persuasive speech

• includes parallel structure, repetition and other rhetorical devices effectively.

Student work


“Choose Humanity” My fellow men, I speak to you now not as a savage, as an outsider, but as a fellow human being. We are all but mortals, and we all breathe, think and die. Yet one more right exists, which is entwined with life itself. I speak of freedom.

Do you not comprehend what it is to be free? Do you not, at times, break away from the tireless cycle that is your being? If not, then you are not living. You are but a wheel or a screw, a useless part of a larger machine. You are the leaves on a tree, when you should be mighty elms, each and every one of you. You are but a fading droplet in a summer shower, when you ought to be the cloud itself. But both are made of water, both are one. So are you and I. You have been greedily robbed of your right to exist free and independant. You have been disfigured into submission, beyond repair even before you felt the gentle sun for the first time. Do not despair though, as all is not yet lost. You can make a difference. You can win back your freedom.

Some say that the path to freedom is laden with misfortune and discomfort, but the benefits, my friends, easily outweigh the troubles. Living as one should, free, is the greatest reward. I hope each and every one of you once feels the enveloping warmth that is in realization that you are living life at its fullest. Some might say that soma is the answer, but soma is poison. Soma is the very chain that binds you into ignorance. It is poison. And it cannot be compared to the sensation of truth, of knowing that you understand what has been so ardently kept from you all your lives. Soma is the sedative that keeps you from resisting.

Do you not want to love? To hate? To believe? For soma is but a poor substitute for law, and for God. In God alone will you find truth untainted. In him is all beauty, and all the things for which life is worth living. In him is love. And compassion. And he has not forgotten you.

Come now, join me, and you shall be redeemed. Take not the foul poisons of your oppressors, but instead live off clear water, and the gifts of God, the berries, fruit and meat that he has provided for you. We are all his children, and we all deserve freedom! It is your given right, and the time has come to claim it back. Join me! Together we can undo the evils done onto you for centuries. We can start a new world, a Brave New World.

Documents

MIDDLE YEARS PROGRAMME - MYP IB @ TMA - home A... · · 2009-07-071 Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train ... the Middle Years Programme (MYP). ... quotes