Middle School Excerpt July11(1)

8/6/2019 Middle School Excerpt July11(1)

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and Chris Tebbetts

Illustrated by Laura Park

Little, Brown and Company

New York Boston


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CHAPTER 1

Im Rafe Khatchadorian,Tragic Hero

It eels as honest as the day is crummy that Ibegin this tale o total desperation and woewith me, my pukey sister, Georgia, and Leonardo

the Silent sitting like rotting sardines in the

back o a Hills Village Police

Department cruiser.


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Now, theres a pathetic amily portrait you

dont want to be a part o, believe me. More on the

unortunate Village Police incident later. I need towork mysel up to tell you that disaster story.

So anyway, ta-da, here it is, book ans, and all

o you in need o AR points at school, the true

autobio o my lie so ar. The dreaded middle school

years. I youve ever been a middle schooler, youunderstand already. I youre not in middle school

yet, youll understand soon enough.

But lets ace it: Understanding meI mean,

really understanding me and my nutty lieisnt

so easy. Thats why its so hard or me to fnd

people I can trust. The truth is, I dont know who I

can trust. So mostly I dont trust anybody. Except

my mom, Jules. (Most o the time, anyway.)

So . . . lets see i I can trust you. First, some

background.

Thats me, by the way, arriving at prisonalsoknown as Hills Village Middle Schoolin Juless

SUV. The picture credit goes to Leonardo the

Silent.

Getting back to the story, though, I do trust one

other person. That would actually be Leonardo.

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Also, Mrs. Ida Stricker, the

vice principal. Idas pretty

much in charge o everybreath anybody takes at

HVMS.

Thats Georgia, my super-

nosy, super-obnoxious,

super-brat sister,whose only

good quality is that she

looks like Jules might

have looked when she

was in ourth grade.

There are more on

my list, and well get

to them eventually.

Or maybe not. Im not

exactly sure how this

is going to work out.As you can probably

tell, this is my frst

ull-length book.

But lets stay on the subject ous or a little bit.

I kind o want to, but how do I know I can trust

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you with all my embarrassing personal stulike

the police car disaster story? What are you like?

Inside, what are you like?Are you basically a pretty good, pretty decent

person? Says who? Says you? Says your rents?

Says your sibs?

Okay, in the spirit o a possible riendship

between usand this is a huge big deal or meheres another true conession.

This is what I actually looked like when I got to

school that frst morning o sixth grade.

We still riends, or are you

out o here?

Hey dont go all right?

I kind o like you.

Seriously. You know how

to listen, at least. And

believe me, Ive got quite

the story to tell you.


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Chapter 2

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL/MAX SECURITY PRISON

Okay, so imagine the day your great-great-grandmother was born. Got it? Now go backanother hundred years or so. And then another

hundred. Thats about when they built Hills Village

Middle School. O course, I think it was a prison or

Pilgrims back then, but not too much has changed.

Now its a prison or sixth, seventh, and eighth

graders.


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wrong thing to say when Miller put one o his

XXXL paws around my neck and

started liting me like ahundred-pound dumbbell.


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I usually like to keep my head attached to my body,

so I went ahead and stood up like he wanted me to.

Lets try that again, he said. This is my seat.Understand?

I understood, all right. Id been in sixth grade or

about our and a hal minutes, and I already had a

uorescent orange target on my back. So much or

blending in.And dont get me wrong. Im not a total wimp.

Give me a ew more chapters, and Ill show you

what Im capable o. In the meantime, though, I

decided to move to some other part o the room.

Like maybe somewhere a little less hazardous to

my health.

But then, when I went to sit down again, Miller

called over. Uh-uh, he said. That ones mine too.

Can you see where this is going?

By the time our homeroom teacher, Mr. Rourke,

rolled in, I was just standing there wondering whatit might be like to spend the next nine months

without sitting down.

Rourke looked over the top o his glasses at me.

Excuse me, Mr.Khatch . . . Khatch-a . . . Khatch-a-

dor

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Khatchadorian, I told him.

Gesundheit! someone shouted, and the entire

class started laughing.Quiet! Mr. Rourke snapped as he checked

his attendance book or my name. And how are

you today, Rae? he said, smiling like there were

cookies on the way.

Fine, thanks, I answered.Do you fnd our seating uncomortable? he

asked me.

Not exactly, I said, because I couldnt really go

into details.

Then SIT. DOWN. NOW!

Unlike Miller the Killer, Mr. Rourke

defnitely has two sides, and Id

already met both o them.


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Since nobody else was stupid enough to sit right

in ront o Miller, that was the only seat let in the

room.And because Im the worlds biggest idiot

sometimes, I didnt look back when I went to sit

in my chair. Which is why I hit the dirt as I went

downall the way downto the oor.

The good news? Given the way things hadstarted o, I fgured middle school could only get

better rom here.

The bad news? I was wrong about the good

news.

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See what I mean?

Besides, i its true that a pictures worth a

thousand words, then my buddy Leo has more tosay than anyone Ive ever met. You just have to

know how to listen.

Bottom line, Leonardo the Silent is my best

riend, at Hills Village or anywhere else. And

beore his head gets too big to ft through the door,I should say theres not a whole lot o competition

or that title. Im not exactly what you might see in

the dictionary when you look uppopular.

Which brings me to the next thing that

happened that day.

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Chapter 4

RAH, RAH, RAH,YADA, YADA, YADA . . .

Ater homeroom theyd usually ship us o tofrst period, but today was special. Therewas going to be a Big! School! Assembly! to kick o

the year, and everyone was all excited about it.

O course, byeveryone, I mean everyone

but me.

They herded us all into the gym

and sat us down on the

bleachers. There was apodium on the oor with a

microphone, and a big sign

on the wall: welcome

to hvms ! ! !


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The principal, Mr. Dwight, got up and spoke

frst. Ater a speech that went something like


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. . . he brought out the cheerleaders, who brought

out the ootball, soccer, and cross-country teams,

who brought everyone to their eet, yelling


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Ater that part, Mrs. Stricker announced

that anyone who wanted to run or student

council representative should come down to themicrophone and address the assembly.

Five or six kids rom every grade stood up, like

theyd been expecting this. I guess Mr. Rourke

might have said something about it in homeroom,

but Id been too busy waiting or Miller to drive apencil through the back o my neck. I hadnt paid

attention to too much else.

They started with the sixth graders frst. We

heard rom two bozos who I didnt know, then a

guy named Matt Kruschik who ate his own boogers

until ourth grade, and then

Hi, everyone. Im Jeanne Galletta.

About hal o the sixth grade and even some o

the seventh and eighth graders started clapping

right away. She must have gone to Millbrook

Elementary, because Id never seen her beore. Iwent to Seagrave Elementary, where we chased

rats in gym class, and most o the kids got ree

lunch, including me.

I think Id be a good class representative

because I know how to listen, Jeanne said. And

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theres nothing more important than that.

I was listening, I was listening.

She was pretty, or sure. She had the kind oace that you just want to stare at or as long as

possible. But she also seemed kind o cool, like she

didnt think she was better than anyone else. Even

i she was.

I have a lot o good ideas or how to make theschool a better place, she goes on. But frst, I

want to do one thing.

She leaves the mike and comes over, right in

ront o where Im sitting. Then she looks straight

at me and says, Are you Rae?

Suddenly, Im eeling about as talkative as Leo,

but I manage to spit out an answer. Thats me,

I say.

Do you want to maybe split a large ries in the

caeteria later? she asks.

Sure. Im buying, I say, because theres atwenty-dollar bill in my pocket that I just ound

that morning.

No, she says. The ries are on me.

Meanwhile, everyones watching. The band

starts playing, the cheerleaders start cheering,

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and Miller the Killer chokes to death on a peanut

M&M. Then I win the lottery, world peace breaks

out everywhere, and Mrs. Stricker tells me thatbased on my all-around awesomeness, I can just

skip sixth grade and come back next year.

. . . so I hope youll vote or me, Jeanne was

saying, and everyone started clapping like crazy.

I never even heard most o her speech. But she

defnitely had my vote.

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Chapter 5

THOSE OH-SO-CRUEL RULES

The next girl to speak at assembly was LexiWinchester. I knew Lexi rom my old school,and she was a real nice kid. Still, Jeanne Galletta

had my vote. Sorry, Lex.

Once the speeches were over, I thought the

assembly was done too.

No such luck.

Mrs. Stricker came back to the microphone and

held up a little green book so everyone could see it.

Can anyone tell me what this is? Stricker said.Yeah, Miller the Killer mumbled somewhere

behind me. A complete waste o time.

This, Mrs. Stricker said, is theHills Village

Middle School Code of Conduct. Everything you

need to know about how to behave at schooland


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how not to behaveis right here in this book.

A bunch o teachers came around and started

handing out a copy to each student in the gym.When you receive yours, open up to page one

and ollow along with me, Stricker said. Then she

started reading . . . really . . . slowly.

Section One: Hills Village Middle School Dress

Code . . . When I got my copy, I ipped all the way to the

back o the book. There were sixteen sections and

twenty-six pages total. In other words, we were

going to be lucky to get out o this assembly by

Christmas.

. . . All students are expected to dress

appropriately or an academic environment. No

student shall wear clothing o a size more than two

beyond his or her normal size. . . .

HELP! Thats what I was thinking about

then. Middle school had just started, and theywere already trying to bore us to death.Please,

somebody stop Mrs. Stricker before she kills again!

Leo took out a pen and started drawing

something on the inside o the back cover. Stricker

turned to the next page and kept reading.

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Section Two: Prohibited Items. No student

shall bring to school any electronic equipment

not intended or class purposes. This includes cellphones, iPods, cameras, laptop computers. . . .

The whole thing went on and on.

And on.

And on.

By the time we got to Section 6 (Grounds orExpulsion), my brain was turning into guacamole,

and Im pretty sure my ears were bleeding too.

People always talk about how great it is to get

older. All I saw were more rules and more adults

telling me what I could and couldnt do, in the name

o whats good or me. Yeah, well, asparagus is good

or me, but it still makes me want to throw up.

As ar as I could tell, this little green book in

my hands was just one long list o all the ways

I couldand probably wouldget into trouble

between now and the end o the school year.Meanwhile, Leo was drawing away like the

maniac he is. Every time Stricker mentioned

another rule, he scribbled something else on the

page in ront o him. Finally, he turned it around

and showed me what he was working on.


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Chapter 6

EUREKA!

Did you ever hear the expression breakingevery rule in the book?That was it. That was my Big Idea. Break every

rule in the book. Literally.

The way I saw it, theHVMS Code of Conduct

could be my worst enemy here at school, or i I

played it right, I could turn it into my best riend.

Sorry, Leo. I mean my second-best riend.

All it would take was a little bit o work . . . and

a ton o guts. Maybe two tons.Leo knew exactly what I was thinking. The idea

had come rom his picture, ater all.

Go or it, he whispered. Just pick something

out o the book and get started.

Right now? I whispered back.


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Why not? What are you waiting or? he said,

and I guess the answer wastwo tons o guts.

I just kind o sat there, rozen, so Leo ippedopen the book or me and pointed to something on

the page without even looking down. When I saw

where his fnger landed, I almost started having a

heart attack.

I cant do that! I told him. What i someonegets hurt?

How does this hurt anyone? Leo said. Except

maybe you.

Somehow that didnt make me eel any better.

Listen, Leo told me, youre never going to be

one o those peoplehe pointed at all the student

council candidates and jocks and cheerleaders

sitting on chairs that had been set up on the gym

oor. But this, he said, thumping the rule book

with his pen, this is something you can do.

I dont know, I tried lamely.Or, Leo said, you can keep going the way youre

going, and every day can be just like this one. He

shrugged. It might not be so bad. There are only a

hundred and eighty school days in a year.

That did it. Okay, okay, I said, and even though

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my heart was pounding out The Star-Spangled

Banner, I got up and walked over to where one o

the prison guards (I mean, teachers) was standingby the gym door.

I need a bathroom pass, I told her.

You can wait, she said.

Section Eight! Stricker boomed over the

microphone. Were halway there!Please? I said, trying to look as much like a

pants-wetter as possible.

The teacher gave a big sigh, like she wished

shed been a lawyer instead. Okay, fve minutes,

she said.

Five minutes was more than enough. I went out

to the hall and into the boys bathroom while she

was still watching me. Then I counted to ten and

stuck my head out again.

Nobody was around. As ar as I knew, the whole

school was inside that gym. It was now or never.I sprinted up the hall, around the long way

behind the ofce, and then cut down another

hallway, through the caeteria, and into an empty

stairwell in the back. By the time I ound what I

was looking or, Id been gone only a minute or two.

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I stood there, staring at the little red box on the wall.

I could just hear Leo now, like he was right

there.Dont think about it. Just DO it!

I ipped the latch, opened the wire cage around

the alarm box, and put my fnger on the little

white handle inside. This was what you call the

point o no return. My mission, should I choose to

accept it . . . and all that.Stillwas I crazy? Was I completely nuts or

thinking I could pull this o?

Yes, I told mysel. You are.

Okay, I thought. Just checking.

And I pulled the alarm.

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could still hear her over the mike in the gym.

Everyone remain calm! Line up with your

teachers and proceed in an orderly ashion to thenearest exits.

Im not sure who she was talking to. It looked

like the whole school was already out here in the

hall. And in the parking lot. And on the soccer feld.

And on the basketball courts.I couldnt believe this was all because o me! I

kind o elt guilty about it, but it was kind o . . .

amazing. To be honest, only hal o that sentence is

true. It was more like I knew I should eel bad, but

I didnt.

Meanwhile, the fre alarm

was still blaring


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But it just sounded

to me like

When I ound Leo outside, he gave me a big,

double high fve. Thats one or execution and one

or the idea, he said.

I cant take all the credit, I told him. The idea

was hal yours.

Thats true, he said, and high-fved himsel.

Then he showed me his drawing again. Check it

out. I made some improvements.

I opened up my copy o the Code of Conduct

and turned to Section 11, Rule 3: Students shallnot tamper with smoke or fre alarms under any

circumstances.

Then I took Leos pen and drew a line right

through it. That elt pretty good too. One rule down

and . . . well, all the rest to go.

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Chapter 8

MY HOME PAGE

On the bus ride home that aternoon, everyonewas talking about my little fre drill. It wasa rush, sitting there and knowing they were all

talking about me.

O course, everything good has to come to an

end. Beore long, I was getting o the bus and

walking through the ront door o my house.

Meet my uture stepather, also known as

the low point o my day. His name is Carl,but we call him Bear. Two years ago, he was

just this customer at the diner where my mom

works. Now, somehow, Mom has a ring on her

fnger, and Bear lives here with us.

Thats Ditka, Bears lame excuse or a guard


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Like I saidlow point o my day.

Bear and Mom had just gotten engaged that

summer, over Fourth o July. Thats when Bearmoved in. Mom asked Georgia and me what we

thought about it beore she said yes, but what were

we going to tell her? Youre about to get engaged

to the worlds biggest slug? I dont think she

would have listened, anyway.Now Mom was working double shits at the

diner all the time just to make enough money, and

Bear was spending 99 percent o his time on our

couch, except maybe to go to the bathroom or to

collect his stupid unemployment check.

Bottom line? My mom was way too good or this

guy, but unortunately neither o them seemed to

know it.

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Chapter 9

CHECKTHIS OUT

So, this is what my roomlooks like. Its the oneplace at home I can kick back,

be by mysel, and do whatever

I want. Mom says I keep it too

messy, but the truth is, I just

have too much STUFF.


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Chapter 11

GEORGIA ON MY NERVES

About twelve seconds ater I slammed my door,Georgia came a-knocking. She knew betterthan to just barge in. At least Id trained her that

much.

Enter! I told her.

She came in and closed the door right behind

her. Whats going on? Why was he yelling like

that? Are you in trouble? she said.

In case youre wondering, Georgia is nine and

a hal years old, in ourth grade, and 100 percentinto everyone elses business.

Go away, I told her. I had work to do. A mission

to plan. Besides, since when do I need an excuse to

NOT want my sister around?

Just tell me what he said, she whined.


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Here. I gave her one o my pudding cups. He

said have a pudding cup, okay? Now get out.

She gave me a look that was like, Im notstupid, but okay, Ill take the pudding cup, and she

didnt ask any more questions.

Mostly, I cant stand Georgia, but I also didnt

want her to get stuck in the middle o anything

with me and Bear. She was still the kid in theamily, ater all.

Rae?

What? I said.

Thanks or the pudding cup.

Youre welcome. Now close the doorrom the

other side, I said, and turned my back on her like I

expected nothing short o obedience. A ew seconds

later, I heard her leave.

Finally, some peace and quiet! Now I could get

down to work and really fgure out where this

whole mission thing was going to take me next.

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Meanwhile I still had to fnish inventing this

thing.

I decided that every rule in theHills VillageMiddle School Code of Conduct should be worth a

certain number o points, depending on how hard

it was to break. O course, this meant I could get

into some serious trouble, so I decided to make

that worth a bunch o points too. And there wouldbe bonuses, or things like getting big laughs, or i

Jeanne Galletta saw what I did. Defnitely that!

I wrote it all down in a big grid, in one o the

spiral notebooks Mom got me or school. (What?

This was or school.)

Thats only part o it. There are a TON more

rules in the Code of Conduct than that 112 o

them, to be exactbut you get the idea.

Ater I was done writing it all down, I started

thinking maybe this whole thing needed some kind

o major ending. Like, i Operation R.A.F.E. wasgoing to get me through sixth grade, then I should

have something bigno, HUGEas a kind o

fnal challenge beore I could go on to the next level

(which was seventh grade).

Id get Leo to help me, and it would be worth

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hal a million pointsway more than anything

else. It had to be something everyone in school

would see, and everyone would remember longater I was gone. But also very high risk. Id have

toearn those big points.

I still didnt have any idea how I was going

to pull this whole thing o, but it almost didnt

matter. I just couldnt wait to start fguring it out.In actand please dont tell anyone I said this

or the frst time in my lie, I was actually looking

orward to going back to school.

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Chapter 13

OFF AND RUNNING

The next morning, Mom set two plates oscrambled eggs in ront o me and Georgiaand then sat down to watch us eat. She loves to

watch us eat, which I totally dont get. I mean, she

works at a diner. She watches people eat all day

long.

You were both asleep when I got home last

night, she said. Im dying to hear about the frst

day o school. Tell me everything!

I wanted to say, Defneeverything, but thatwould have been like putting up a neon sign that

read ihavesomethingtohide.

The thing is, I dont like to lie to Mom. I mean,

Ill do it i I have to, but she has enough to deal

with. So instead I shoved hal a piece o toast and a


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bunch o scrambled egg into my mouth and started

chewing as slowly as I could.

That meant Georgia went frst. Lucky or me,she talks a lot. I mean, a LOT. I Mom hadnt cut

her o, I might have gotten all the way out the

door without ever saying a word.

How about you, Rae? she asked when Georgia

fnally took a breath. What do you think o middleschool so ar?

Well, I said, its not as bad as I thought it was

going to be.

Like Leo says, not telling the whole truth isnt

the same thing as lying.

Moms eyes got all wide, like Id just sprouted a

second head or something.

Who are you, and what have you done with my

son Rae? she asked, joking around.

Im not saying I love it

No, but this sounds like a good start, Momsaid. Im proud o you, honey. You must be doing

something right. Whatever it is, just keep doing it.

Oh, I will, I told her, just beore I shoved some

more scrambled eggs into my big at not-quite-

lying mouth.

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Just breaking the rules by itsel wasnt going to cut

it. I needed something more. I needed a boost in

my game.I needed . . . (wait or it) . . .Leo-izing!

He caught up with me at my locker just beore

eighth-period English. And o course he knew right

away what I should do. Leo always does.

Youre just coasting, he said. I youre going toplay this game, then you need to really play it. So

Im going to change things up.

You? I said. Since when do you make the

decisions?

Since I came up with hal the idea or this

whole thing, he told me. Heres the deal. Its two

twenty-six. That means orty-nine minutes let

in the day. Thats how long Im giving you to earn

another thirty thousand points.

Thirty thousand? I said. That was more than

Id made in the last three days combined.Yep. Otherwise, you lose a lie, he said.

Hang on a second. Leo was going kind o ast,

even or Leo. I have . . . lives?

Sure, he said, like it was obvious. Three o

them, to be exact.

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And what happens i I didnt want to say it.

What happens i I lose all three lives?

Then youre a big loser, you dont get to fnishthe game, and the rest o the year will be about as

much un as a case o never-ending diarrhea, he

told me.

Oh, I said. Thats all, huh?

Leo shrugged. Gotta keep it interesting.Thats one thing about Leo. He defnitely knows

how to keep things interesting. I mean, its not like

just because he says something, I have to do it.

But what would you rather doplay this game by

yoursel or with your best riend?

Yeah, I thought so.

Okay, game on, I told him. I looked up at the

clock just as the eighth-period bell started to ring.

Thats orty-eight minutes and counting, Leo

said. Better get busy.

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Chapter 15

WRITE AND WRONG

I got to Ms. Donatellos English class with orty-seven and a hal minutes let in the day. The clockwas ticking . . . on my lie! (One o them, at least.)

Ater attendance, Donatello told us that we were

going to read parts oRomeo and Juliet aloud in

class. It was written by Mr. William Shakespeare,

who I believe is amous or writing the most boring

plays in the history o the universe.

This is a little advanced, Donatello told us.But I think you kids are up to it. Obviously, she

didnt know the frst thing about me.

Allison Prouty, who raises her hand or

everything, helped give out the scripts while

Donatello told us what parts we each had. When


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she got to me, she said, Rae, I think youd make

a fne Paris, and everyone in the room started

laughing, right at me.Paris? I asked. Why do I have to read a girls

part?

Paris is a boy, Donatello told me. Hes one o

Lord Capulets best men.

Yeah, well, he probably still wears tights, Isaid, but Donatello ignored me.

Listen to the language as we read through,

she told everyone. Notice how every line has

ten syllables. Notice the subtle rhyming. Thats

not easy to do. Nobody wrote like Shakespeare.

Nobody!

And I thoughthmmmm. Idea in progress,

please stand by.

Lets begin, Donatello said. Act One, Scene

One.

It turned out that this Paris guy (he really was aguy) doesnt come in until page 12. That was good.

It gave me time to work on my idea. Donatello

probably thought I was taking notes like Jeanne

Galletta and the other brainiacs, but I was actually

hot on the trail o those 30,000 points.

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Ten syllables per line? Check!

Rhyming? Check!

By the time we got to my part, there were only acouple o minutes let in class, but I was ready.

Act One, Scene Two, Donatello read. Lord

Capulet and Paris enter.

Jason Rice was Lord Capulet, and he had the

frst line. It went something like, But Montagueis bound as well as I, and blah, blah, blah. For

men so old as we to keep the peace, and blah,

blah, blah. (I told you it was boring.)

Now it was my turn. I put my paper over the

script and looked down like I was reading rom the

right place. Then, loud and clear, I read, Excuse

me, sir, theres dog poop on your shoe.

Rae! Donatello shouted, but not as loudly as

everyone else was laughing, so I kept going.

Your wife is ugly, and your daughter too.I think this play is stupid, so guess what?

Im out of here and you can kiss my

Thats as ar as I got beore Donatello the Dragon

Lady ripped the page right out o my hand.

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I knew I was in trouble, but Ill tell you this

much: It was totally worth it. Everyone besides

Donatello was still laughing, including JeanneGalletta.

Yes!

And the thing was, nobody was laughing at me

anymore. Now they were laughing with me. Thats

like the dierence between night and day. Or wetand dry.

Or in this case, losing and winning.

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Chapter 16

THIN ICE IS BETTERTHAN NO ICE AT ALL

Donatello didnt have to tell me to stay aterclass. It kind o went without saying. Onceeveryone was gone, she gave me a real talking-to.

What was that about, Rae? she asked.

Nothing, I told her.

It wasnt nothing, she said. First o all, let

me say that I noticed you kept Mr. Shakespeares

meter and rhyme in what you wrote

Thanks! I said.but your behavior was completely unaccept-

able. There are much better ways to use your

creativity, and I think you know it.

I nodded a lot while she talked. It seemed like

the right thing to do.


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Im going to give you a warning this time,

Donatello said, but youre skating on very thin ice.

Understood?

Nod, nod, nod, nod . . .

I didnt hear a whole lot o what she said. All I

could think about was:

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That was 35,000 points or the day. Id taken

Leos challenge and blown it out o the water. Even

better, I now knew or a act that Jeanne Gallettaknew I existed. Thats what you call progress!

As I was leaving, Donatello said, I hope youve

learned a lesson, Rae.

Defnitely, I told her. A really good one.

And the lesson was this: There were two ways toplay Operation R.A.F.E.the boring way and Leos

way.

Oh, and I also learned that Leo the Silent is a

genius.

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Chapter 17

NEW RULE

When I got home that aternoon, I wentstraight to my room with Leo, and westarted putting everything that had happened

so ar into my Operation R.A.F.E. notebookthe

rules Id broken, the points Id earned, and even

some o Leos pictures, to document the whole

thing.

We were just messing around, minding our own

business, when I heard Bear start to roar rom

down the hall.WHAT ARE YOU DOING? he yelled.

Then I heard Georgia. Nothing, she said. I just

wanted to

Im watching that! Dont change the channel.

But you were sleeping!


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No buts! he yelled. You can watch the game

with me, or you can get out o here. Whats it going

to be? A second later I heard ootsteps, and thenGeorgias bedroom door slammed.

I hated when he yelled at her like that, even

more than when he yelled at me. Shes just a

little kid and heswell, hes kind o like a little

kid too, but the biggest, meanest little kid youever saw.

Pick on someone your own size! I yelled down

the hall.

Mind your own beeswax, Bear said back, and

turned up the volume on the TV. It wasnt even

worth trying to argue.

You know what? Leo said as soon as I closed

my door. We need a new rule.

I was just thinking the same thing, I said.

Nobody should get hurt rom me playing

Operation R.A.F.E.Especially little kids, Leo added.

And I agreed. I mean, i Miller the Killer

accidentally landed in the paper shredder, I wasnt

going to cry about it. But otherwise

Call it the Dont Be a Bear Rule, Leo said.

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How about just the No-Hurt Rule? I said.

Good enough, Leo said, and I wrote that down

in the notebook too.

Im not saying Im some kind o saint. Im

not even saying this made me a better person,

whatever that means. (Im still trying to fgure that

one out.) But i putting the No-Hurt Rule into the

game could make me even a little bit less like Bear,

then I was all or it.

Because Bear was all about hurting.

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These are the caeteria ladies. I call them Millie,

Billie, and Tilly. I think theyre part o a


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government program to get rid o the middle school

population in this country, one lunch at a time.


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This is my Spanish teacher, Seor Wasserman.


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Hes okay as long as you dont make any mistakes,

but i you dowatch out!


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Mr. Lattimore is the gym teacher,


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and Im not kidding when I say that nobody ever

told him he wasnt in the army anymore.


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That last one put me over the top. Mr. Lattimore

didnt think the old scooter switch was very unny.

(O course, Lattimore had his sense o humorsurgically removed in 1985.) He gave me thirty

push-ups, two extra laps, and . . . ta-da! . . . my very

frst detention.

I mean, its not like I wanted detention, but at

least now I got something out o it.

I guess you could say I was on a roll. Even when

I got home that day, I was lucky. There was a

message on the machine rom Mrs. Stricker, telling

Mom to call the school. That wasnt the lucky part

(duh). The lucky part was when I got to it frst and

accidentally-on-purpose hit the erase button.Mom was at work, Bear was asleep, and Georgia

was digging a hole to Australia, or all I knew. As

long as nobody had planted any secret cameras

around the house (hey, you never know), then I was

going to be fne.

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a million times, but Ditka still alls or it. He

pounced on that cheese like it was the last meal on

earth, and I just closed the door and walked away.Problem solved.

Next, I went out to the garage and snuck a can

o Zoom out o Bears not-as-much-o-a-secret-as-

he-thinks-it-is stash. He keeps cases and cases o it

out there, just or himsel, but he never notices i aew are missing.

Zoom tastes like chocolate and Coke mixed

together, and it has about eight cups o caeine

in every can, which youd never know, since Bear

sleeps so much o the time. I drink mine out o a

travel mug, just in case, so he wont see what it is i

he wakes up.

Ater that came the really dangerous part. I

tiptoed over to where Bear was sleeping and pried

his fngers o the TV remote, one by one. Then

I verycarefully slid the remote out o his hand.Its kind o like deusing a bomb. I it goes wrong,

theres a big explosion and everything gets ruined.

But i notsweet! Its the only time I ever get to

watch what I want.

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79

I sured around and ound a pretty decent

movie, about a guy trying to escape rom an island

prison by oating away on a rat made out o

coconuts. I really wanted to see him do it, but I

must have allen asleep beore it was over. Next

thing I knew, Mom was waking me up, and there

was some kind o inomercial on the TV.

Rae, sweetie? Time to go to bed.

I could smell the apple pie and cinnamon on

her uniorm. She always smells like that when shecomes back rom the diner. When Im lucky, she

brings some home, and we get to have apple pie or

breakast the next morning.

Mom put an arm around me and walked me

back to my room.

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Chapter 20

MILLER THE KILLERRUINS DETENTION DAY

My good luck lasted or another our days,fteen hours, and (approximately) twenty-two minutes.

It was Wednesday right ater school, and I was

on the way to my frst detention. Everyone else

was gone or the day, so the hall was empty, and

even though it didnt seem like a

mistake to stop or a drink

o water . . . it was.


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I barely got a sip beore I elt Millers XXXL

paw on the back o my neck. Suddenly my ace was

wiping the bottom o that ountain, and I was justtrying not to eat the piece o gum someone had let

there.

Well, well, Miller said. Look who it is.

He pulled me up and slammed my back into the

wall. Then he got right up in my ace. I could seethe Cheetos in his teeth.

Seems like youre getting a reputation around

here, Miller said. Whats your deal, anyway?

I dont know what youre talking about, I said.

My heart was going or some kind o world speed

record by now. I wanted to just start swinging, but

it doesnt take a genius to know that fve-six and

150 pounds beats fve-one and a hundred pounds

every single time. Miller could have turned me

inside out beore I got o the frst punch.

Listen. He twisted up my shirt in his fst. Youwant to prove youre the baddest kid in school?

Im not trying to prove anything, I said.

Too late, he said, and stepped back. You and

me. Outside. Right now.

Um . . .

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He held up a fnger in my ace. One.

Ummmm . . .

Then another fnger. Two.Thats when I remembered

I cant! I said.

Why not? Miller said. Chicken?

No. Detention!

I saw my hole and went or it, right under hisarm and up the hall.

Detention? I heard him say. This is

exactly what Im talking about. Im onto you,

Khatchadorian! You better watch your back

beore you catch-a-door in the ace! You can run

I was running, all right, straight to Ms.

Donatellos room.

but you cant hide! Miller shouted.

And he was probably right. Unless Hills Village

Middle School had a witness protection program, I

was dead meat.Man, I hated Miller.

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Middle School Excerpt July11(1)