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Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 156

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 256

Visit the Holiday Gift Guide Online at metroweeklycomgiftguide

Holiday Gift Guide

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 356

Visit the Holiday Gift Guide Online at metroweeklycomgiftguide

Holiday Gift Guide

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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4 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

EDITORIAL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFRandy Shulman

ART DIRECTORTodd Franson

MANAGING EDITORRhuaridh Marr

SENIOR EDITORJohn Riley

CONTRIBUTING EDITORDoug Rule

SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHERSWard Morrison Julian Vankim

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORScott G Brooks

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSGordon Ashenhurst Sean Bugg Connor J Hogan

Troy Petenbrink Kate Wingfield

WEBMASTERDavid Uy

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTJulian Vankim

SALES amp MARKETING

PUBLISHERRandy Shulman

BRAND STRATEGY amp MARKETINGChristopher Cunetto

Cunetto Creative

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE

Rivendell Media Co212-242-6863

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERDennis Havrilla

PATRON SAINTLillian Vernon

COVER ILLUSTRATIONChristopher Cunetto

METRO WEEKLY1775 I St NW Suite 1150Washington DC 20006

202-638-6830

MetroWeeklycom

All material appearing in Metro Weekly is protected by federal copyright law and may not be

reproduced in whole or part without the permission of the publishers Metro Weekly assumes noresponsibility for unsolicited materials submitted for publication All such submissions are subject

to editing and will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelopeMetro Weekly is supported by many fine advertisers but we cannot accept responsibility for claims

made by advertisers nor can we accept responsibility for materials provided by advertisers or

their agents Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles oradvertising in Metro Weekly is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of

such person or organization

copy 2015 Jansi LLC

4

DECEMBER 17 2015Volume 22 Issue 33

NEWS 6

DIVISIVE COMMENTS

by John Riley

8 BIRDS AND BEES BUT NOT LGBTS

by John Riley

10 COMMUNITY CALENDAR

FEATURES 14 JOHN WATERS

Interview by Randy Shulman

20

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE by Rhuaridh Marr

photography by Julian Vankim

24 OLD IS GOLD THIRIFTY GIFT GIVING

by Kate Wingfield

OUT ON THE TOWN 26 T OO M UCH L IGHT M AKES THE

B ABY GO B LIND

by Kate Wingfield

FILM

34

STAR W ARS T HE FORCE AWAKENS

by Rhuaridh Marr

MUSIC 36 COLDPLAY

by Gordon Ashenhurst

FOOD 38 GIFTING THE GOURMANDS

by Doug Rule

TECH 40 TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED

by Rhuaridh Marr

NIGHTLIFE 43 MR amp MISS COBALT 2016 PAGEANT

photography by Ward Morrison

SCENE 50 CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAMPS AT TOWN

photography by Ward Morrison

52 R OCK HARD SUNDAY AT

THE HOUSE NIGHTCLUB

photography by Ward Morrison

54 LAST WORD

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5METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 256

Visit the Holiday Gift Guide Online at metroweeklycomgiftguide

Holiday Gift Guide

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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Visit the Holiday Gift Guide Online at metroweeklycomgiftguide

Holiday Gift Guide

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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4 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

EDITORIAL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFRandy Shulman

ART DIRECTORTodd Franson

MANAGING EDITORRhuaridh Marr

SENIOR EDITORJohn Riley

CONTRIBUTING EDITORDoug Rule

SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHERSWard Morrison Julian Vankim

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORScott G Brooks

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSGordon Ashenhurst Sean Bugg Connor J Hogan

Troy Petenbrink Kate Wingfield

WEBMASTERDavid Uy

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTJulian Vankim

SALES amp MARKETING

PUBLISHERRandy Shulman

BRAND STRATEGY amp MARKETINGChristopher Cunetto

Cunetto Creative

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE

Rivendell Media Co212-242-6863

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERDennis Havrilla

PATRON SAINTLillian Vernon

COVER ILLUSTRATIONChristopher Cunetto

METRO WEEKLY1775 I St NW Suite 1150Washington DC 20006

202-638-6830

MetroWeeklycom

All material appearing in Metro Weekly is protected by federal copyright law and may not be

reproduced in whole or part without the permission of the publishers Metro Weekly assumes noresponsibility for unsolicited materials submitted for publication All such submissions are subject

to editing and will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelopeMetro Weekly is supported by many fine advertisers but we cannot accept responsibility for claims

made by advertisers nor can we accept responsibility for materials provided by advertisers or

their agents Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles oradvertising in Metro Weekly is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of

such person or organization

copy 2015 Jansi LLC

4

DECEMBER 17 2015Volume 22 Issue 33

NEWS 6

DIVISIVE COMMENTS

by John Riley

8 BIRDS AND BEES BUT NOT LGBTS

by John Riley

10 COMMUNITY CALENDAR

FEATURES 14 JOHN WATERS

Interview by Randy Shulman

20

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE by Rhuaridh Marr

photography by Julian Vankim

24 OLD IS GOLD THIRIFTY GIFT GIVING

by Kate Wingfield

OUT ON THE TOWN 26 T OO M UCH L IGHT M AKES THE

B ABY GO B LIND

by Kate Wingfield

FILM

34

STAR W ARS T HE FORCE AWAKENS

by Rhuaridh Marr

MUSIC 36 COLDPLAY

by Gordon Ashenhurst

FOOD 38 GIFTING THE GOURMANDS

by Doug Rule

TECH 40 TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED

by Rhuaridh Marr

NIGHTLIFE 43 MR amp MISS COBALT 2016 PAGEANT

photography by Ward Morrison

SCENE 50 CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAMPS AT TOWN

photography by Ward Morrison

52 R OCK HARD SUNDAY AT

THE HOUSE NIGHTCLUB

photography by Ward Morrison

54 LAST WORD

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5METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 356

Visit the Holiday Gift Guide Online at metroweeklycomgiftguide

Holiday Gift Guide

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 456

4 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

EDITORIAL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFRandy Shulman

ART DIRECTORTodd Franson

MANAGING EDITORRhuaridh Marr

SENIOR EDITORJohn Riley

CONTRIBUTING EDITORDoug Rule

SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHERSWard Morrison Julian Vankim

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORScott G Brooks

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSGordon Ashenhurst Sean Bugg Connor J Hogan

Troy Petenbrink Kate Wingfield

WEBMASTERDavid Uy

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTJulian Vankim

SALES amp MARKETING

PUBLISHERRandy Shulman

BRAND STRATEGY amp MARKETINGChristopher Cunetto

Cunetto Creative

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE

Rivendell Media Co212-242-6863

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERDennis Havrilla

PATRON SAINTLillian Vernon

COVER ILLUSTRATIONChristopher Cunetto

METRO WEEKLY1775 I St NW Suite 1150Washington DC 20006

202-638-6830

MetroWeeklycom

All material appearing in Metro Weekly is protected by federal copyright law and may not be

reproduced in whole or part without the permission of the publishers Metro Weekly assumes noresponsibility for unsolicited materials submitted for publication All such submissions are subject

to editing and will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelopeMetro Weekly is supported by many fine advertisers but we cannot accept responsibility for claims

made by advertisers nor can we accept responsibility for materials provided by advertisers or

their agents Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles oradvertising in Metro Weekly is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of

such person or organization

copy 2015 Jansi LLC

4

DECEMBER 17 2015Volume 22 Issue 33

NEWS 6

DIVISIVE COMMENTS

by John Riley

8 BIRDS AND BEES BUT NOT LGBTS

by John Riley

10 COMMUNITY CALENDAR

FEATURES 14 JOHN WATERS

Interview by Randy Shulman

20

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE by Rhuaridh Marr

photography by Julian Vankim

24 OLD IS GOLD THIRIFTY GIFT GIVING

by Kate Wingfield

OUT ON THE TOWN 26 T OO M UCH L IGHT M AKES THE

B ABY GO B LIND

by Kate Wingfield

FILM

34

STAR W ARS T HE FORCE AWAKENS

by Rhuaridh Marr

MUSIC 36 COLDPLAY

by Gordon Ashenhurst

FOOD 38 GIFTING THE GOURMANDS

by Doug Rule

TECH 40 TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED

by Rhuaridh Marr

NIGHTLIFE 43 MR amp MISS COBALT 2016 PAGEANT

photography by Ward Morrison

SCENE 50 CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAMPS AT TOWN

photography by Ward Morrison

52 R OCK HARD SUNDAY AT

THE HOUSE NIGHTCLUB

photography by Ward Morrison

54 LAST WORD

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5METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 656

6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 756

7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 856

LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 956

ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 456

4 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

EDITORIAL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFRandy Shulman

ART DIRECTORTodd Franson

MANAGING EDITORRhuaridh Marr

SENIOR EDITORJohn Riley

CONTRIBUTING EDITORDoug Rule

SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHERSWard Morrison Julian Vankim

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORScott G Brooks

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSGordon Ashenhurst Sean Bugg Connor J Hogan

Troy Petenbrink Kate Wingfield

WEBMASTERDavid Uy

PRODUCTION ASSISTANTJulian Vankim

SALES amp MARKETING

PUBLISHERRandy Shulman

BRAND STRATEGY amp MARKETINGChristopher Cunetto

Cunetto Creative

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE

Rivendell Media Co212-242-6863

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERDennis Havrilla

PATRON SAINTLillian Vernon

COVER ILLUSTRATIONChristopher Cunetto

METRO WEEKLY1775 I St NW Suite 1150Washington DC 20006

202-638-6830

MetroWeeklycom

All material appearing in Metro Weekly is protected by federal copyright law and may not be

reproduced in whole or part without the permission of the publishers Metro Weekly assumes noresponsibility for unsolicited materials submitted for publication All such submissions are subject

to editing and will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelopeMetro Weekly is supported by many fine advertisers but we cannot accept responsibility for claims

made by advertisers nor can we accept responsibility for materials provided by advertisers or

their agents Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles oradvertising in Metro Weekly is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of

such person or organization

copy 2015 Jansi LLC

4

DECEMBER 17 2015Volume 22 Issue 33

NEWS 6

DIVISIVE COMMENTS

by John Riley

8 BIRDS AND BEES BUT NOT LGBTS

by John Riley

10 COMMUNITY CALENDAR

FEATURES 14 JOHN WATERS

Interview by Randy Shulman

20

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE by Rhuaridh Marr

photography by Julian Vankim

24 OLD IS GOLD THIRIFTY GIFT GIVING

by Kate Wingfield

OUT ON THE TOWN 26 T OO M UCH L IGHT M AKES THE

B ABY GO B LIND

by Kate Wingfield

FILM

34

STAR W ARS T HE FORCE AWAKENS

by Rhuaridh Marr

MUSIC 36 COLDPLAY

by Gordon Ashenhurst

FOOD 38 GIFTING THE GOURMANDS

by Doug Rule

TECH 40 TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED

by Rhuaridh Marr

NIGHTLIFE 43 MR amp MISS COBALT 2016 PAGEANT

photography by Ward Morrison

SCENE 50 CHRISTMAS WITH THE CAMPS AT TOWN

photography by Ward Morrison

52 R OCK HARD SUNDAY AT

THE HOUSE NIGHTCLUB

photography by Ward Morrison

54 LAST WORD

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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5METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 656

6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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5METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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6 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Divisive Comments LGBT Muslims react to Donald Trumprsquos proposed ban

on Muslims entering the United States

Mansour

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL RACE FEATURES AN ARRAY OF CHARACTERSeach with their own quirks flaws and idiosyncrasies So when Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump began making inflammatory comments about

various ethnic or religious groups Hazem Mansour didnrsquot pay him muchmind mdash even when Trump switched his focus from Mexican immigrants to Muslims

In November Trump pledged that he would combat terrorism by ordering surveil-lance of ldquocertain mosquesrdquo he believes are more likely to incite terrorism and harbor

anti-American views He also called for a database of all Syrian refugees admitted into

the country so that the federal government could ensure they were not being radical-ized But still Mansour an openly gay first-generation American and the son of Muslim

immigrants from Egypt viewed Trumprsquos candidacy as a sideshow a performance tokeep the attention of the media and the public on his campaign

ldquoI think when the first controversial statement by Mr Trump was made I like

T E D E Y T A N

many other Muslims that I know bothLGBTQ and straight kind of rolled our

eyes didnrsquot take it very seriously verytongue-in-cheekrdquo says Mansour who

was born in upstate New York and raised

in the Baltimore areaBut as time went on and Trumprsquos

rhetoric around Islam and Muslims inparticular became more heated Mansour

would read posts on his Facebook feedand become increasingly alarmed After

the comments about mosque surveil-

lance Trump then said he wanted awatch list for people coming into the

country mdash and made contradictory andconfusing statements that appeared to

endorse the idea of a database of allMuslims In response to a question from

ABCrsquos George Stephanopoulos Trumpsaid he was not ruling out a database

of all Muslims but was primarily more

concerned with tracking Syrian refugeesFollowing the deadly shooting by

a handful of ISIS sympathizers in SanBernardino Calif earlier this month

the Republican front-runnerrsquos campaignissued a press release calling for a ban

on Muslims looking to immigrate to the

United States and Muslims looking tovisit the United States as tourists at least

until ldquoour countryrsquos representatives can

figure out whatrsquos going onrdquo Upon furtherquestioning in the weeks that followedTrump insisted that a ban is the only way

to send a message about the countryrsquoswillingness to stand up against radical

Islam It was then that Mansour began to

take Trump seriouslyldquoWhat went from being something of

a joke suddenly became a reality checkthat this kind of ideology and hatred is

within the American fabricrdquo Mansoursays ldquoAnd itrsquos not just Trump He does

have a host of supporters behind him

So hersquos catering to an audience and hersquosdoing it based on a fear that was already

instilled in some of the American publicrdquoUrooj Arshad a member of the steer-

ing committee of the Muslim Alliance forSexual and Gender Diversity says that

Trump is building upon a base of fearand distrust of Muslims that was initially

stoked after the 911 attacks more than a

decade ago She too initially dismissedTrump as catering to fringe elements

within the Republican base but grewconcerned as his front-runner status

appeared to become cemented and his

L G B T

News Now online at MetroWeeklycomRubio flaunts opposition to gay marriage

Supreme Court grants stay in adoption case

by John Riley

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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7METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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LGBTNews

8

comments grew more outlandish

ldquoTo me itrsquos really scaryrdquo says Arshad who worries aboutfurther marginalization of the American Muslim community ldquoI

know right now therersquos an uptick in Islamophobia and itrsquos anelection year so of course itrsquos going to be a big issue It just adds

to that level of lsquoWhatrsquos going to happen What happens if he

winsrsquo And even if he doesnrsquot win hersquos being taken seriously bya lot of people in this country And the fact that he has celeb-

rity status in this country and a lot of Americans are not paying

attention to politics but rather cultural icons [means] he has alot of powerrdquo

While Trumprsquos proposed ban has received pushback from

other Republicans including House Speaker Paul Ryan Arshadnotes that other presidential candidates have made comments

she calls ldquoproblematicrdquo For instance one-time front-runner Ben

Carson said he doesnrsquot believe a Muslim can be the presidentof the United States without rejecting the tenets of Islam But

Arshad adds that even if Republicans distance themselves fromTrump theyrsquore not helping to counter the hatred that she feels

Trump is stoking among a certain segment of the electorateAlmas Haider of Washington says that the horrified reac-

tion of the community is not so much about Trumprsquos comments

which echo sentiments that have been expressed in past yearsldquoThis is something that has been going on since 911 And the

calls for an ID card is something that also has been going on thelast decaderdquo Haider says ldquoSo itrsquos not something new It wasnrsquot

a reaction to Donald Trump saying these kind of comments butitrsquos the audience thatrsquos cheering and the support he is gaining

from making these comments that makes us uncomfortable andfearful for our safetyrdquo

Haider worries about the long-term effects of the anti-

Muslim sentiment that Trump is stirring up citing the mysteri-ous death of a teenage Somali Muslim in Seattle mdash who some

fellow Muslims believe may have been pushed to his death in asuspected hate crime There was also an attack against a Muslim

sixth grade girl in New York who was beaten up and called ISIS

while her classmates tried to rip off her hijab Both are examplesof the dangers that could outlast a Trump campaign or even a

Trump presidencyldquoThese are not new comments hersquos making These are more

reflections of what a lot of Americans actually believe or sup-

portrdquo says Haider ldquoThatrsquos why he has a large support baseThatrsquos why itrsquos so concerning Regardless of whether or not

Donald Trump becomes president itrsquos the fact that people who

believe in what he is saying all this hate speech are coming outof the woodwork and will be there after Donald Trump leavesand most likely in a visible wayrdquo

Mansour adds that much of Trumprsquos rhetoric appears tobe done for shock value adding that the media often assists by

giving him press whenever he says something thatrsquos deemed

ldquocontroversialrdquoldquoI think initially it comes across as comicalrdquo he says ldquoBut

as we go down the road of this current situation it really playson the fears of people who might not know much about the

religion about what it means what it stands for and why thosepeople the terrorists are doing what theyrsquore doing Pre-World

War II you had Hitler playing up to the fears of the German

people They became highly xenophobic They needed theirscapegoatsrdquo

When asked what his feelings about Trump are when itcomes to the business magnatersquos position on LGBT issues

Mansour says he wasnrsquot really familiar with them until he heardTrump say that being LGBT is not a reason for someone to be

fired or denied employment But while that position is ldquorefresh-ingrdquo itrsquos not going to be enough to endear him to Trump

ldquoYou canrsquot call for the oppression of one minority and then

endorse anotherrdquo Mansour says ldquoI think that once we get tothat point where yoursquore calling for the oppression of one all

minority groups and collectively the entire country should beup in arms about these kind of statementsrdquo l

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Birds and Bees But NotLGBTs

CDC analysis reveals sex education in schools is lacking particularly for

LGBT-identifying students

by John Riley

ITHINK THAT SCHOOLS IN GENERAL ARE DOING

the best with what they have working in environmentswhere there are clear policies about what people can do

and can talk aboutrdquo says Wesley Thomas the programcoordinator for LGBTQ Health and Rights at Advocates for

Youth ldquoBut in terms of sex education theyrsquore still working in

this conservative sphere of what sex education looks likerdquoPerhaps itrsquos that conservative nature mdash or a reticence to

broach important yet controversial topics mdash thatrsquos hindering the

nationrsquos schoolchildren A recent survey from the Centers forDisease Control and Prevention (CDC) gave most of the nationrsquos

high schools and middle schools failing grades in their teachingof sexual education Fewer than half of all high schools and only

a fifth of middle schools teach the 16 topics that the CDC views

as critical providing students with sufficient information aboutHIV STDs pregnancy prevention and other health subjects

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoThere are a couple of takeaways from this reportrdquo saysDr Stephanie Zaza director of the Division of Adolescent and

School Health at the CDCrsquos National Center for HIVAIDS

Viral Hepatitis STD and TB Prevention ldquoThe first is that acrossthe country the percentage of high schools that are teaching the

sex ed topics that we consider essential is very very low Middleschools are doing even worse The other main findings are that

therersquos quite a lot of variability in whatrsquos being taught So sometopics are being taught a lot more than other topicsrdquo

For instance topics like abstinence and its various ben-

efits are among those most commonly taught as are the waysin which HIV and STDs are transmitted But several other

topics such as communication with onersquos partner in makingsexual decisions condom usage and contraception are rarely

broached In fact the proportion of high schools that teachall 16 recommended topics ranges from a low of 21 percent in

Arizona to 90 percent in New Jersey For middle schools itrsquosmuch worse ranging from 4 percent in Arizona to a high of 46

percent in North Carolina

And if schools are lacking about sex ed in general theyrsquoreeven more likely to be deficient when it comes to provid-

ing LGBT students with the information they need to make

informed decisions about their health If a teacher presumesthat they only have to address heterosexual relationships whenteaching about how HIV and other STDs are transmitted the

teacher may not address in depth the issues of oral and anal sex

ldquoIf there is a heteronormative bias in the teaching they may just say lsquoHIV and STDs are transmitted through sexual contactrsquo

she says ldquoAnd if the focus of that conversation is on pregnancyprevention because yoursquore assuming a male and a female the

students who are not in heterosexual relationships may simplytune out and not even hear this conversation And they may not

even recognize that their type of sexual contact is in fact riskyrdquoOne of the biggest obstacles to providing comprehensive

information is the comfort level of those tasked with teaching

the material notes Thomas If an instructor is trying to tread toocarefully to avoid offending people or because of worries about

what parents might say mdash particularly when addressing LGBTQissues mdash they end up doing their pupils a disservice

ldquoTherersquos still this notion within academia that informationequals promotionrdquo Thomas says ldquoSo by saying or acknowledg-

ing that community therersquos this idea that young people are

going to begin to transition from heterosexuality to homosexu-ality and thatrsquos just not the case Itrsquos just basic information

that everyone should know so they can have an understandingAnd just basic respect for different identities whether theyrsquore

heterosexual gay lesbian transgenderrdquoZaza notes that while the CDC can provide recommenda-

tions for what should be taught the final say in what topics areaddressed in a sex ed curriculum ultimately rest with either

state boards of education or individual school districts The

solution to ensuring that material is as comprehensive as pos-sible lies in providing professional development for teachers so

they can be both comfortable and effective in navigating sensi-tive issues surrounding sexual health

ldquoWhen we talk about LGBT inclusiveness in sex ed wersquorenot necessarily talking about different topics but that those 16

topics are being conveyed and taught in a way that reaches all

studentsrdquo she says ldquoBecause we want to make sure these topicsare being taught before kids become sexually active Itrsquos really

about preparing students for their eventual sexual lives when-ever that happensrdquo l

9METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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10 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 630-8 pm Visitswimdcacorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointment call202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700

202-638-0750

PROJECT STRIPES hosts LGBT-affirming social group for ages 11-244-6 pm 1419 Columbia Road NWContact Tamara 202-319-0422layc-dcorg

SMYALrsquoS REC NIGHT providesa social atmosphere for GLBT andquestioning youth featuring danceparties vogue nights movies andgames More info catherinechusmyalorg

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-6pm by appointment and walk-in for

youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155testingsmyalorg

SATURDAY DEC 19BURGUNDY CRESCENT a gay volunteer organization volunteerstoday for the Lost Dog amp Cat RescueFoundation at Falls Church PetSmartTo participate visit burgundycres-centorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg414 East Diamond Ave and inTakoma Park 7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 2-6 pmFor appointments other hours callGaithersburg 301-300-9978 or

Takoma Park 301-422-2398

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger 202-567-3155or testingsmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting 630-730 pm3636 Georgia Ave NW The group isindependent of UHU 202-446-1100

WOMENrsquoS LEADERSHIP

INSTITUTE for young LBTQ women13-21 interested in leadership devel-opment 5-630 pm SMYAL YouthCenter 410 7th St SE 202-567-3163catherinechusmyalorg

FRIDAY DEC 18CENTER AGING a group of The DCCenter holds a monthly luncheon formembers of the elderly LGBT com-munity 12-2 pm 2000 14th St NWSuite 105 For more information visitthedccenterorg

GAY DISTRICT a group of The DCCenter for GBTQQI men from ages18-35 meets on the first and thirdFridays of each month 830-930pm 2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

LGB PSYCHOTHERAPY GROUP foradults in Montgomery County offersa safe space to explore coming outand issues of identity 10-1130 am16220 S Frederick Rd Suite 512Gaithersburg Md For more informa-tion visit thedccenterorg

THURSDAY DEC 17The DC ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECTdedicated to reducing violenceagainst members of the LGBT com-munity holds its monthly meeting atThe DC Center 7-830 pm 2000 14thSt NW Suite 105 For more informa-

tion visit thedccenterorg

The DC Center hosts a meeting of

its POLY DISCUSSION GROUPdedicated to discussing or findingmore about non-monogamous poly-amorous and other non-traditionalrelationships 8-9 pm 2000 14th StNW Suite 105 For more information visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-

ment) Call 202-291-4707 or visitandromedatransculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW 730-9pm swimdcacorg

DC LAMBDA SQUARES gay and les- bian square-dancing group featuresmainstream through advanced squaredancing at the National City ChristianChurch 5 Thomas Circle NW 7-930pm Casual dress 301-257-0517dclambdasquaresorg

The DULLES TRIANGLES Northern

Virginia social group meets for happyhour at Sheraton in Reston 11810Sunrise Valley Drive second-floor bar 7-9 pm All welcome dullestri-anglescom

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visit whitman-walkerorg

Metro Weeklyrsquos Community Calendar highlights important events in the DC-area

LGBT community from alternative social events to volunteer opportunities

Event information should be sent by email to calendarMetroWeeklycom

Deadline for inclusion is noon of the Friday before Thursdayrsquos publication

Questions about the calendar may be directed to the

Metro Weekly office at 202-638-6830 or

the calendar email address

LGBTCommunityCalendarCHRYSALIS arts amp culture group visits National Gallery of Art to seeexhibition of 50 Hellenistic Greek bronze sculptures Free all welcomeLunch follows Meet at 11 am insidethe 6th amp Constitution Avenue NWlobby of the Old (West) BuildingLunch follows Craig 202-462-0535craighowell1verizonnet

The DC Center hosts a monthlyASYLUM SEEKERSASYLEESFORUM for refugees asylum seekersand their supporters 7-9 pm 200014th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 or andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

BET MISHPACHAH founded by

members of the LGBT communityholds Saturday morning Shabbat ser- vices 10 am followed by Kiddushluncheon Services in DCJCCCommunity Room 1529 16th St NW betmishorg

BRAZILIAN GLBT GROUP includingothers interested in Brazilian culturemeets For locationtime email brazil-iangaygroupyahoocom

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 830-10 am Visitswimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club welcomes all levels forexercise in a fun and supportive envi-ronment socializing afterward Meet930 am 23rd amp P Streets NW for awalk or 10 am for fun rundcfrontrunnersorg

DC SENTINELS basketball teammeets at Turkey Thicket RecreationCenter 1100 Michigan Ave NE 2-4pm For players of all levels gay orstraight teamdcbasketballorg

DIGNITYUSA sponsors Mass forLGBT community family and friends630 pm Immanuel Church-on-the-Hill 3606 Seminary Road Alexandria All welcome For more info visit dig-nitynovaorg

GAY LANGUAGE CLUB discussescritical languages and foreign lan-guages 7 pm Nelliersquos 900 U St NWRVSP preferred brendandarcygmailcom

IDENTITY offers free and confidentialHIV testing in Takoma Park 7676New Hampshire Ave Suite 411 Walk-ins 12-3 pm For appointments otherhours call 301-422-2398

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11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

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13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2056

20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2556

25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1156

11METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

SUNDAY DEC 20ADVENTURING outdoors groupholds 18th annual Winter SolsticePoetry Hike 6-mile hike on SugarloafMountain near Frederick Md Bring beverages lunch sturdy boots afew bucks for fees and a poem toread during lunch at scenic over-look Carpool at 10 am from the

Grosvenor-Strathmore Metro StationContact Craig 202-462-0535adventuringorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

LGBT-inclusive ALL SOULSMEMORIAL EPISCOPAL CHURCH celebrates Low Mass at 830 amHigh Mass at 11 am 2300 Cathedral Ave NW 202-232-4244allsoulsdcorg

BETHEL CHURCH-DC progressiveand radically inclusive church holdsservices at 1130 am 2217 Minnesota

Ave SE 202-248-1895 betheldcorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 972 OhioDr SW 930-11 am Visitswimdcacorg

DIGNITYUSA offers Roman CatholicMass for the LGBT community 6pm St Margaretrsquos Church 1820Connecticut Ave NW All welcomeSign interpreted For more info visitdignitynovaorg

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL UNITEDCHURCH OF CHRIST welcomes allto 1030 am service 945 G St NW

firstuccdcorg or 202-628-4317

FRIENDS MEETING OFWASHINGTON meets for worship1030 am 2111 Florida Ave NWQuaker House Living Room (next toMeeting House on Decatur Place)2nd floor Special welcome to lesbiansand gays Handicapped accessiblefrom Phelps Place gate Hearingassistance quakersdcorg

HOPE UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST welcomes GLBT commu-nity for worship 1030 am 6130Old Telegraph Road Alexandria

hopeuccorg

HSV-2 SOCIAL AND SUPPORTGROUP for gay men living in the DCmetro area This group will be meet-ing once a month For information onlocation and time email to nottheonlyonedcgmailcom

INSTITUTE FOR SPIRITUALDEVELOPMENT God-centered newage church amp learning center SundayServices and Workshops event 5419Sherier Place NW isd-dcorg

Join LINCOLN CONGREGATIONALTEMPLE ndash UNITED CHURCH OFCHRIST for an inclusive loving andprogressive faith community everySunday 11 am 1701 11th Street NWnear R in ShawLogan neighborhoodlincolntempleorg

LUTHERAN CHURCH OFREFORMATION invites all to Sundayworship at 830 or 11 am Childcare is

available at both services WelcomingLGBT people for 25 years 212 EastCapitol St NE reformationdcorg

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA services at 11 am led by Rev OnettaBrooks Childrenrsquos Sunday School 11am 10383 Democracy Lane Fairfax703-691-0930 mccnovacom

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITYCHURCH OF WASHINGTON DC services at 9 am (ASL interpreted)and 11 am Childrenrsquos Sunday Schoolat 11 am 474 Ridge St NW 202-638-

7373 mccdccom

NATIONAL CITY CHRISTIANCHURCH inclusive church withGLBT fellowship offers gospel wor-ship 830 am and traditional wor-ship 11 am 5 Thomas Circle NW202-232-0323 nationalcityccorg

RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCHa Christ-centered interracial wel-coming-and-affirming church offersservice at 10 am 680 I St SW 202-554-4330 riversidedcorg

ST STEPHEN AND THEINCARNATION an ldquointerracialmulti-ethnic Christian Communityrdquooffers services in English 8 am and1030 am and in Spanish at 515 pm1525 Newton St NW 202-232-0900saintstephensdcorg

UNITARIAN CHURCH OFARLINGTON an LGBTQ welcoming-and-affirming congregation offersservices at 10 am Virginia RainbowUU Ministry 4444 Arlington Blvduucavaorg

UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTCHURCH OF SILVER SPRING invites LGBTQ families and individu-

als of all creeds and cultures to jointhe church Services 915 and 1115 am10309 New Hampshire Ave uucssorg

UNIVERSALIST NATIONALMEMORIAL CHURCH a welcom-ing and inclusive church GLBTInterweave socialservice groupmeets monthly Services at 11 amRomanesque sanctuary 1810 16th StNW 202-387-3411 universalistorg

MONDAY DEC 21The DC Center hosts a meeting of

CENTER FAITH a group for LGBT

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2856

28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1256

12 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

people and their supporters fromaffirming faith traditions 6-8 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 Formore information visitthedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visitswimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NWdcscandalswordpresscom

GETEQUAL meets 630-8 pm atQuaker House 2111 Florida Ave NWgetequalwdcgmailcom

HIV Testing at WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTH At the ElizabethTaylor Medical Center 1701 14thSt NW 9 am-5 pm At the MaxRobinson Center 2301 MLK Jr Ave

SE 9 am-430 pm For an appoint-ment call 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm

703-823-4401

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV test-ing 5-7 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments

703-789-4467

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 or

testingsmyalorg

THE DC CENTER hosts Coffee Drop-In for the Senior LGBT Community10 am-noon 2000 14th St NW202-682-2245 thedccenterorg

US HELPING US hosts a black gaymenrsquos evening affinity group 3636

Georgia Ave NW 202-446-1100

WASHINGTON WETSKINS WATERPOLO TEAM practices 7-9 pmTakoma Aquatic Center 300 VanBuren St NW Newcomers with atleast basic swimming ability alwayswelcome Tom 703-299-0504 secre-tarywetskinsorg wetskinsorg

WHITMAN-WALKER HEALTHHIVAIDS Support Group for newlydiagnosed individuals meets 7 pmRegistration required 202-939-7671hivsupportwhitman-walkerorg

TUESDAY DEC 22The DC Centerrsquos GENDER QUEERDISCUSSION GROUP holds itsmonthly meeting to discuss issues ofidentity for those who identify out-side of the gender binary 7-830 pm2000 14th St NW Suite 105 For moreinformation visit thedccenterorg

WEEKLY EVENTS

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

ASIANS AND FRIENDS weekly din-ner in DupontLogan Circle area 630pm afwashaolcomafwashingtonnet

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC)practice session at Takoma AquaticCenter 300 Van Buren St NW

730-9 pm swimdcacorg

DC FRONT RUNNERS runningwalk-ingsocial club serving greater DCrsquosLGBT community and allies hosts anevening runwalk dcfrontrunnersorg

THE GAY MENrsquoS HEALTHCOLLABORATIVE offers free HIVtesting and STI screening and treat-ment every Tuesday 5-630 pmRainbow Tuesday LGBT Clinic Alexandria Health Department 4480King St 703-746-4986 or text 571-214-9617 jamesleslieinovaorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

THE HIV WORKING GROUP of THEDC CENTER hosts ldquoPacking Partyrdquowhere volunteers assemble safe-sexkits of condoms and lube 7 pmGreen Lantern 1335 Green Court NWthedccenterorg

IDENTITY offers free and confidential

HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414 EastDiamond Ave and in Takoma Park7676 New Hampshire Ave Suite 411Walk-ins 2-6 pm For appointmentsother hours call Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978 or Takoma Park at

301-422-2398

KARING WITH INDIVIDUALITY(KI) SERVICES at 3333 Duke St Alexandria offers free ldquorapidrdquo HIVtesting and counseling 9 am-4 pm703-823-4401

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4456

44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1356

13METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing Appointmentneeded 1012 14th St NW Suite 700202-638-0750

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUSmdashLGBT focused meeting everyTuesday 7 pm St GeorgersquosEpiscopal Church 915 Oakland Ave Arlington just steps from VirginiaSquare Metro For more info call

Dick 703-521-1999 Handicappedaccessible Newcomers welcomeliveandletliveoagmailcom

SMYAL offers free HIV Testing 3-5pm by appointment and walk-in for youth 21 and younger Youth Center410 7th St SE 202-567-3155 test-ingsmyalorg

SUPPORT GROUP FOR LGBTQ YOUTH ages 13-21 meets at SMYAL410 7th St SE 5-630 pm CathyChu 202-567-3163 catherinechusmyalorg

US HELPING US hosts a supportgroup for black gay men 40 and older7-9 pm 3636 Georgia Ave NW202-446-1100

Whitman-Walker Healthrsquos GAYMENrsquoS HEALTH AND WELLNESSSTD CLINIC opens at 6 pm 170114th St NW Patients are seen onwalk-in basis No-cost screening forHIV syphilis gonorrhea and chla-mydia Hepatitis and herpes testingavailable for fee whitman-walkerorg

WEDNESDAY DEC 23THE LAMBDA BRIDGE CLUB meets for Duplicate Bridge 730 pmDignity Center 721 8th St SE (acrossfrom Marine Barracks) No reserva-tions needed All welcome 202-841-0279 if you need a partner

WEEKLY EVENTS

AD LIB a group for freestyle con- versation meets about 630-6 pmSteam 17th and R NW All welcomeFor more information call Fausto

Fernandez 703-732-5174

ANDROMEDA TRANSCULTURALHEALTH offers free HIV testing 9-5pm and HIV services (by appoint-ment) 202-291-4707 andromeda-transculturalhealthorg

DC AQUATICS CLUB (DCAC) prac-tice session at Hains Point 927 OhioDr SW 7-830 pm Visit

swimdcacorg

DC SCANDALS RUGBY holdspractice 630-830 pm GarrisonElementary 1200 S St NW dcscan-dalswordpresscom

HISTORIC CHRIST CHURCH offers Wednesday worship 715 amand 1205 pm All welcome 118 NWashington St Alexandria 703-549-1450 historicchristchurchorg

HIV TESTING at Whitman-WalkerHealth At the Elizabeth TaylorMedical Center 1701 14th St NW9 am-5 pm At the Max RobinsonCenter 2301 MLK Jr Ave SE 9 am-430 pm For an appointmentcall 202-745-7000 Visitwhitman-walkerorg

IDENTITY offers free and confiden-tial HIV testing in Gaithersburg 414East Diamond Ave Walk-ins 2-7 pmFor appointments other hours call

Gaithersburg at 301-300-9978

METROHEALTH CENTER offersfree rapid HIV testing No appoint-ment needed 11 am-7 pm 1012 14thSt NW Suite 700 202-638-0750

NOVASALUD offers free HIV testing11 am-2 pm 2049 N 15th St Suite200 Arlington Appointments703-789-4467

PRIME TIMERS OF DC socialclub for mature gay men hostsweekly happy hourdinner 630 pmWindows Bar above Dupont ItalianKitchen 1637 17th St NW Carl 703-573-8316l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1456

14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1556

15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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14 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Inte983154view by Randy Shulman

Illust983154ation by Christopher Cunetto

W

HEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS

spirit you might not instantly think

of the Baltimore-bred director of

such cult classics as Pink Flamingosand Female Trouble as well as more mainstream hit

HairsprayThen again maybe you do

For eleven years John Waters the 69-year-old

cinematic icon and author has traversed the coun-

try with his twisted look at the holiday season This

yearrsquos edition A John Waters Christmas Holier amp Dirtier lights up The Birchmere with filthy-minded

festivities on Monday Dec 21

Waters for his part still loves doing the show

if only ldquofor the fact that it pays for my Christmas

presentsrdquo And hersquos not kidding what with more

than 75 gifts to buy for assorted friends family and

degenerates

Who better then to turn to for advice on gift-

giving than the auteur who for 40-plus years has

ensured that pencil-thin mustaches remain the

epitome of high fashion

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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15METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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16 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

METRO WEEKLY John what do the holidays mean to you

JOHN WATERS Well these days the holidays mean that Irsquom likeElvira on Halloween mdash they mean Irsquom working because Irsquom

going to nineteen cities in twenty-three daysMW But from a more traditional standpoint

WATERS Well I am a traditionalist I have the same Christmas

party every year for two hundred people which is catered mdashitrsquos like a big office party And itrsquos my turn this year to cook the

Christmas dinner for my family So those are fairly traditional

things that I doMW What about decorating

WATERS I definitely have what other people call their ldquoheir-

loomrdquo Christmas decorations but some of them might bealarming to others I do a spin on traditional decorating I

used to decorate the electric chair that Divine got electrocuted

in in Female Trouble I have a wreath on the door but it hassticker bushes on it On the mantle I have beautiful flowers

but I also have The Tingler and the ldquoUnabomber BirdhouserdquoMW Did you say you have The Tingler

WATERS Yes Itrsquos not the one that was in the film but it looksexactly like it The guy [who made it] calls it something else like

The Toungler I think he was afraid of being sued But it looks

great Irsquove had this for many years and itrsquos a really good one Itmakes a lovely Christmas present

The Tingler was such an important movie to me when I wasyoung I saw it in the theater and when it first opened the seats

were all wired with mdash what was it called mdash ldquoPerceptordquo which

were these little buzzers that went off supposedly giving you anelectric shock One Christmas my friend Dennis Dermody the

film critic gave me the instruction book for ldquoHow to wire yourtheaterrdquo [with Percepto] And itrsquos shockingly complicated Each

seat had three wires they all had to go mdash I mean that they actu-ally ever did this was mindboggling when you think about it

MW That sounds like an incredibly unique gift

WATERS Thatrsquos the thing Itrsquos not always about how much money

you spend mdash itrsquos about how unique the gifts are One year this

same person gave me for Christmas Ike Turnerrsquos will I also gotthe guest list with home addresses and phone numbers of every

person who was at Rock Hudsonrsquos funeral These are the kind ofitems that you really want to keep They are the best gifts

I collect weird books that are from literature turned into porn

parodies Someone gave me ldquoFrom Here to Maternityrdquo and I was just thrilled I never knew there was such a thing That probably

cost a dollar Itrsquos worth more than that in the right store with the

right buyer but itrsquos delighting someone about things they collectthat they didnrsquot even know existed All it takes is timeMW Yeah itrsquos the thought that goes into it

WATERS Yes And thatrsquos why Irsquom so violently against gift cardswhich just means ldquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquot think of anythingrdquo I paid

with a gift card at Starbucks It was so embarrassing mdash it was

like having an emergency food voucher Irsquod probably just pay formy Starbucks coffee than have to take this pitiful gift card that

a dumb person gave me and admit to the person that works inStarbucks that Irsquom stupid too because nobody could think of a

present for meMW So no gift cards then

WATERS Unless itrsquos The Silk Road where you can buy hit men

and Morning Glory seedsMW Who do you mainly get gifts

from

WATERS I get gifts from friends I

get gifts from family I get gifts fromfans I have a registry in my office

for people who call up and sayldquoWhat can we give himrdquo I have a

huge giant library but I have it all

in the computer so I know everybook I have So people call and say

ldquoWhat books does he wantrdquo andSusan my assistant has a listMW Where are the best stores to find

a gift for youWATERS Kay-O Books in San

Francisco Or you could go toAtomic Books in Baltimore which

is where I get all my fan mail Itrsquosan amazingly great extreme book

shop where you would definitely beable to find something for me They

know my tasteMW And what is your taste

WATERS I love to get books I

read a lot of fiction mdash thatrsquos how Irelax And I mostly give books for

Christmas presents Irsquom also a fan of Comme des Garcons mdash Ilike them because itrsquos clothes that make you look poorer than

you are but cost a lotMW Sounds very Baltimore

WATERS Except we donrsquot have one here You have to go to New

York [ Laughs ] But in Baltimore when I wear those clothespeople say ldquoThatrsquos a shame about that coatrdquo And I just paid a

lot of money for it Itrsquos like fashion in reverse I donrsquot think youcould not buy me a good present there but I donrsquot expect people

to buy me expensive presents I feel awkward when they doMW What is the worst gift yoursquove ever gotten

WATERS Well I got mad that somebody once sent me a fruitgift basket I can afford a fucking pear Who would want to get

ldquoInstead of a tree decorate thetoilet Put a wreath on your door thatcould hurt you when you come in

PUT UGLY CHRISTMAS

CARDS AROUND YOURMANTLE OR SERVETURKEY TARTARErdquo

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17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1756

17METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

a pear Irsquom was excited ldquoOh good what is itrdquo And I open it up

and itrsquos six pears and a lot of tissue paperIrsquom for gift baskets but they should be filled with things that

people wouldnrsquot have the nerve to buy like porn or sex toysor things that you donrsquot especially cherish going into to buy I

always wanted to do one that has Gun Oil Lubricant poppers

cigarettes porn mdash stuff that yoursquod be embarrassed to buy your-self Thatrsquos what gift baskets should be And Irsquom also against re-

gifting because you can always

tell instantly I think then youshould say ldquoExcuse me canI have the receipt with that

onerdquo just to make the personnervous

MW What are some of the best

gifts yoursquove ever gotten from fans

WATERS One fan sent me apainting that was just the wall-

paper in Dawn Davenportrsquosapartment in Female Trouble

That was pretty good concep-

tual art Another sent me aChristmas decoration of Divine

knocking the Christmas treeonto her parents where the

lights blink and everythingMW What about you Who do

you give gifts to

WATERS Oh my God Irsquove just

been going today with my

assistant I have about 75 giftsI have to buy every year at

least My brothers and sistersmy nieces and nephews Every

person in [my production company] Dreamland thatrsquos alive The

people that work for me Friends Irsquove had for 50 yearsMW How do you choose for them Is there a specific criteria

WATERS Well I think of each person I know what they like andI try to find the right thing for them every year Many people I

give very strange art books toMW If you get a gift from John Waters is it safe to assume itrsquos

going to be unusual at the very the least

WATERS I hope it is But I hope itrsquos unusual and good Therersquos

books that are shocking but not good that arenrsquot funny or wittyor donrsquot change how you think about anything I try to get some-

thing that would surprise me basically I like people to open it

and say ldquoGod wherersquod you get thisrdquo Very rarely do people openit and say ldquoI have thisrdquo Irsquom lucky I travel all the time If I know

the right places to go I can find good stuff Itrsquos usually an obscurebook shop or an obscure clothing storeMW So you do your own shopping

WATERS Yes Although I know a friend in Baltimore who if he

ever lived in New York or LA could be rich being a shopper

to the stars because he knows how to find the exact present forsomeone He shops all year round and is always Christmas shop-

ping basicallyMW You mentioned your nieces and nephews How do you get a

younger person something that remains true to your spirit

WATERS I try to encourage whatever their interest is and usually

give things that their parents may not have because Irsquom a muchbetter uncle than I would be a father I have a nephew whorsquos in a

punk rock band so I give him books about hideous rock and roll

stories My niece works in the fashion industry in New York soI give her extreme fashion booksMW Is there any kind of gift that doesnrsquot actually exist that yoursquodlike to give

WATERS Irsquod like to get someone a get out of jail certificate for

Christmas And Irsquod give an abortion for Christmas if someoneasked me I donrsquot think they have gift certificates for that They

should

MW Wait get out of jailWATERS Yeah it would be a ldquoGet out of jail freerdquo card that would

literally work Which would mean bail In case you got bustedthe next year That would be a nice present And while I donrsquot

encourage abortion if you have to get one you would be secureknowing you that you had a gift certificate to get one

Or maybe Irsquoll pay all your traffic and parking tickets this yearI just read this great book by Joy Williams and there was a short

story in it about mothers of people that killed people in drunkdriving accidents They would have meetings and would try to

make each other feel better Theyrsquod say ldquoWhat can you dordquo and

someone said ldquoWell I just break into peoplesrsquo mailboxes andtake their gas and electric bill and pay it anonymouslyrdquo That was

so great I had to put the book down it was so great Just breakinto peoplesrsquo mail and pay their bills for no reason Thatrsquos really

the Christmas spiritMW When you shop for people do you try to incorporate yourself

into the gift

WATERS A little bit of myself You know sometimes I think ldquoWillthey ever read this bookrdquo I donrsquot know But these are the people

I continue to give books like that to and they have mentionedthat they liked the booksMW Whatrsquos better mdash handmade or store bought gifts

WATERS It depends on if theyrsquore good at making handmade gifts

I think you can buy store made gifts and alter them You have tosend a Christmas card but you can buy a Hallmark card and if it

ldquoI always wanted to do agift basket that has

Gun Oil Lubricant popperscigarettes porn mdash

STUFF THAT YOUrsquoDBE EMBARRASSED TOBUY YOURSELFrdquo

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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18 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

says ldquoSeasonrsquos Greetingsrdquo change it to say ldquoSeasonrsquos Beatingsrdquo

Or go get the cheapest Christmas balls and find the ugliest pic-ture of your friends and glue them on the balls mdash thatrsquos really a

good ice-breaker for Christmas You have to be creative You cantake the traditions and alter them and thatrsquos how you can have

a fun ChristmasMW Whatrsquos a good price range for a gift

WATERS Oh thatrsquos tough Because when I was young we

found everything in thrift shops and it was never expen-sive But I canrsquot really find anything in thrift shops anymore

because they all know whatrsquos good now When I went to

thrift shops nobody knew what was good and sometimesthe cheapest stuff was the best stuff but now they all know

whatrsquos good As soon as Goodwill started taking MasterCardthrift shops were kind of over

So it isnrsquot about money but at the same time you canrsquot alwaysfind something in the thrift shop Therersquos nothing worse than a

thrift shop present that doesnrsquot work Itrsquos cheap and not good Ifitrsquos cheap it has to be good

MW What are some of the books yoursquove gotten over the years

WATERS Great book titles I have a childrenrsquos book called ldquoDadsin Prisonrdquo I love the book ldquoTeens and the Death Penaltyrdquo

Therersquos another one I have called ldquoIs Killing Wrongrdquo Thatrsquos a

good philosophy book Irsquoll go upstairs and read you a couple oftitles Hold on

[ Pause ]

All right Irsquom looking here Bunghole Buddies I Was a Negro Playboy Bunnie Roughneck Rimmers Thatrsquos agood one Girls and Their Four-Legged Lovers Enter from the

Rear I love that one Teen Girls Who Are Assaulted by AnimalsYodel in the Canyon I even got one called Divine Head How

to Lick Anything In my guest room is one called Single and Pregnant That cover always makes me laugh sitting next to the

bed for guestsCockeyed Cruiser Crotch Bait mdash oh therersquos so many great

ones Oh here are my hitchhiking books Hunky Hitchhiker Two

For the Road The Hitcher Thumb Trippers Glory Hole mdash no

thatrsquos a different section [ Laughs ]So Dead My Love Hung Straight mdash thatrsquos a good one Gang

Rumble How Deep is My Love Americarsquos Major Air DisastersThe Wheelchair Corpse Oral Extremists I could go on forever I

have thousands of booksMW You havenrsquot actually read all of these have you

WATERS Well the porn ones I donrsquot really read To me theyrsquore

art objects a cover I collect themtheyrsquore art objects

MW I once heard that you gave scenesof disasters to people as gifts

WATERS Yes to somebody goodmdash theyrsquore not cheap Itrsquos called

ldquoBuildings of Disasterrdquo and is a

whole series Theyrsquore highly col-lectible Theyrsquore all nickel plated

Therersquos about 25MW How does somebody react when

they get one

WATERS The people I would give it to

loved it It used to be in the old days

when I was in love for Valentinersquos

Day Irsquod always give someone achicken heart gift wrapped Andpeople said ldquoWhat did they thinkrdquo

I said ldquoWell the people that I was inlove with would love thatrdquo

MW Has anybody ever been shockedby something yoursquove given them

WATERS I donrsquot think so They

wouldnrsquot be invited to my partyif they would be Last year my

Christmas card was an adventcalendar You opened up different

doors but instead of religious scenes there were alarm-ing pictures waiting inside the windows I donrsquot know if

people were shocked but nobody has ever said ldquoTake me

off your listrdquoMW How can somebody make their home a little more John

Waters for Christmas

WATERS Do the standard things but do them wrong Take the

weirdest things in their house and decorate them Instead ofa tree decorate the ugliest thing in your house or something

that yoursquore about ready to throw out Instead of decorating yourmantle decorate the toilet Put a wreath on your door that could

hurt you when you come in Put ugly Christmas cards around

your mantle or serve turkey tartare for ChristmasMW Turkey tartare sounds a bit dangerous

WATERS I didnrsquot say that style isnrsquot dangerous Thatrsquos part of it

Christmas is a riskMW Finally this would not be an official John Waters interviewwithout some mention of Divine

WATERS Oh Divine loved Christmas He almost went to jail

every year for Christmas When he was young he used to cutdown Christmas trees that were decorated when he didnrsquot have

any money and take them home Real ones In peoplersquos lawnsChristmas is good for criminals too l

John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas Holier amp

Dirtier on Monday Dec 21 at the Birchmere 3701 Mount Vernon Ave in Alexandria Va Tickets are $4950 Call 703-549-7500 or

visit birchmerecom

ldquoIrsquom against gift cards which justmeans lsquoIrsquom stupid and canrsquotthink of anythingrsquo

I PAID WITH A GIFT CARD

AT STARBUCKS IT WAS LIKEHAVING AN EMERGENCYFOOD VOUCHERrdquo

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19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 1956

19METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

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21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2856

28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2056

20 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ITrsquoS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN TIME TO DIGdeep empty our wallets wrestle with wrappingpaper panic about our choices and ignore the ner-

vous sweat dribbling down our temples as riends andloved ones unwrap our gifs Gif-buying is an experi-ence raught doubt and anxiety but i yoursquore completely

stuck on ideas or that one bothersome gifee let ushelp With a variety o items including arts entertain-ment ashion and un wersquove collated twelve shoppingideas guaranteed to please this holiday season

H983148i983140ay

983111i983142t 983111ui983140eHoliday shopping neednrsquot be a hassle with our suggestions or arts ashionand un gif ideas By Rhuaridh Marr Photography by Julian Vankim

M A R G O T S C H U L M A N

Forget New York the District is bursting at the seams with excellent theater

to enjoy mdash and Arena Stage is no exception If a family member loved oneor particularly close friend enjoys nothing more than escaping to the cozy dark-

ness of the theater consider buying them a subscription to Arena Stage thisholiday season Subscribing to Arena will net discounts of up to 60 off ticketprices as well as money off parking meals and additional tickets Choose

from a 4- or 6-play subscription with prices ranging from $230 to $478 Ifyoursquore not ready for that kind of commitment (or expense) tickets to a singleshow also make a good stocking stuffer mdash Oliver and Akeelah and the Bee

for instance were both rated four stars by our reviewers Arena Stage 1101Sixth Street SW Washington DC Call 202-554-9066 or visit arenastageorg

for more information

Specifically curated to ldquoenhance the modern urban guyrsquos closetrdquo Avenue Jack is oneof Connecticut Avenuersquos newest additions and definitely worth a look for any discerning

male giftees Mainstream brands such as Diesel Ben Sherman Levirsquos Calvin Klein andLacoste mingle on shelves with smaller brands including wares made right here in theDistrict Itrsquos not just clothes either mdash therersquos accessories and homeware as well as vari-

ous curiosities Pineapple Tumbler for $29 anyone If you know someone whorsquos preppingfor a winter getaway mix a few items together The Timbuk2 Tahoe Overnight Duffel Bag

($199) comes with a lifetime warranty so your giftee can cram as many 100-percent cot-ton Ben Sherman Half Zip Pullovers ($96) and pairs of Bosky Wooden Sunglasses ($120)as they like into their bag without worry Avenue Jack 1301 Connecticut Avenue NW

Washington DC Call 202-887-JACK or visit avenuejackcom

T

O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2156

21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2156

21METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

C H O R A L A R T S S O C I E T Y O F W A S H I N G T O N

If you know someone whocanrsquot get enough choral music

mdash the heady swells the beau-tiful melodies the enchanting

arrangements mdash then look nofurther than a subscription toChoral Arts Therersquos the full

five-concert pass which netsup to 20 off ticket pricesor mini season passes which

offer two to four shows withvarying discounts Available

concerts include a choral trib-ute to Martin Luther King Jrand Some Enchanted Evening

a special show of the music ofRodgers and Hammerstein andthe American Songbook featuring

Renee Fleming and Norm LewisOf course if you just want to dip

someonersquos toes into the world ofchoral music consider individualtickets as a stocking stuffer mdash Fleming and Lewisrsquo show set for May next year is available for just $29 The Choral Arts Society

of Washington 5225 Wisconsin Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-244-3669 or visit choralartsorg

S c ot t T uc k er Ar t is t ic Dir

If yoursquore hoping Santa will bringyou a man this Christmas yoursquore in

luck Hourly Husbands HandymanService wonrsquot cook you dinnermeet your parents or validate yourlife choices but they can do most

DIY jobs yoursquod pass off to the otherhalf while yoursquore enjoying Netflix

with a glass of wine From clean-ing winter detritus out of drainsto fixing that leaky faucet to sort-

ing the fuses after that extravagantChristmas balcony display knockedout your whole apartment treat your-

self mdash or someone you know mdash toan Hourly Husband available for $120

for the first hour and $75 every hourafter that Itrsquos the perfect gift for thosewith lengthy chores lists that wonrsquot be

conquered until well into the New YearBook online at hourlyhusbandscom orcall 202-455-9100 for more information

If you know someone who loves

theater but you canrsquot afford tosplurge on a subscription mdash or evena full-price ticket mdash Theater J has

a remarkable program this 201516season thatrsquos perfect for arts lov-ers on a budget The J Row ldquo10

for $10rdquo discount is available atevery performance of every show

this season with ten seats up forgrabs at just $10 Theater J is com-mitted to making theater acces-

sible to everyone so if yoursquore cash-strapped itrsquos the perfect way toenjoy their incredible content If you

can afford a subscription howeveryoursquoll find a multitude of benefits

Not only can you give someoneaccess to up to seven plays pricesstart at just $80 Thatrsquos a bargain

mdash and even the cheapest subscrip-tion nets unlimited and free ticketexchanges a free bring-a-friend

coupon $10 discount on additionaltickets and priority seating Thatrsquos

enough value to make even Scroogecrack a smile

T E R E S A W O O D

Sons of the Prophet at Theater J

Universal Gear has exploded from a boutique store for fashion-conscious men to a mini-department storeof clothing accessories skincare and furnishings mdash all tailored to a male audience If yoursquore trying to find

something for a particularly fussy giftee chances are Universal Gear will have something theyrsquoll love If youknow someone whorsquos always running late grab them a Diesel watch ($99 to $149) available in a varietyof styles Have that friend whose pockets are always full of loose change and dollar bills A new wallet

is the perfect gift with Penguin and Ben Sherman offering a variety of classic stylish designs ($3795 to$4495) For the perfectly groomed gentleman consider Fellow Barberrsquos premium grooming range ($2250to $2450) Archipelagorsquos Boticario De Havana range is perfect for melting away the stresses of winter

weather Containing extracts of sugarcane orange oil and pineapple among others theyrsquoll transportrecipients to Cuba as the body wash cleans winter grime and the lotion softens ravaged skin ($2950)

Universal Gear 1919 14th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-319-0136 or visit universalgearcom

T O D D F R A N S O N

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22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3256

32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2256

22 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DCrsquos ldquoPremier Fetish Gear Boutiquerdquo may seem like a niche place to buy gifts but itrsquos the perfect way to treat a friend or partner whoenjoys the kinkier side of sex this holiday season With a variety of items big small expensive and affordable yoursquore sure to find a stock-ing stuffer main gift or amusing trinket From colorful leather wristbands ($24) to Lambskin Neckties ($59) to Barcode Berlin Football

Socks ($19 a pair) therersquos something for everyone covering leather rubber and sports gear For first-time buyers unsure of what to getTrickBoxrsquos staff is more than happy to offer suggestions and advice Whatrsquos more everything in the store has been chosen for its qualityso that 5 Buckle Wristband ($68) wonrsquot fall apart the first time you strap it on TrickBox 2300 Rhode Island Avenue NE Washington DC

Call 202-248-1192 or visit trickboxdccom

C O U R T E S Y O F W O L F T R A P F O U N D A T I O N

Arguably one of the most impactful venuesin the DMV if you want to give someone an

unforgettable experience for Christmas con-sider something from Wolf Trap The Filene

Center with its stunning outdoor amphithe-ater is an incredible space for experiencinga live performance Bring a picnic cuddle up

on blankets and soak up the entertainmentWhether rock blues jazz orchestra or choraltherersquos sure to be something to delight at Wolf

Trap this season However if you know some-one whorsquod like to be up on stage rather than

watching from the grass consider purchasingprivate lessons in voice guitar drums andpiano mdash theyrsquore not cheap starting at $440 for

30 minute lessons but your chosen giftee willbe learning from proven instructors Thankfullyyou can scale your gift large or small with

either a gift certificate or a full membershipavailable for as little as $75 which grants exclu-

sive presales pre-performance dinners dis-counts and mdash depending on membership level mdash preferred parking free alcohol and snacks

access to VIP lounges and private restroomfacilities and a free season pass Wolf TrapFilene Center 1551 Trap Road Vienna VA Call

703-255-1868 or visit wolftraporg

Bite the Fruitrsquos wares prob-

ably arenrsquot recommendedfor your parentsrsquo stockingstuffers but for your part-

ner or more liberal friendstherersquos plenty to delighttitillate and amuse in equal

measure Colt Playing Cards($795 per pack) come with

an array of hunky men mdashwould sir like leather hairy

or muscled mdash and aresure to spice up any gameof strip poker Or regularpoker for that matter The

FemmeFunn Massager($6995) is sure to make any

ladies in your life happy thisholiday season while Bitethe Fruit has an assortment

vintage gear to suit all tastes and sizes ($895 to $3295)Uberlube ($1395 to $2595) is something of a wunderkindin the lubrication arena Not only can it be used for its most

obvious purpose the formula is so pure it can also preventchafing during exercise or be used as a hair-styling product

to tame frizz and boost shine mdash so if therersquos any spills whilegetting intimate take a moment to condition those splitends before getting back to business Bite the Fruit 1723

Connecticut Avenue NW Washington DC Call 202-299-0440 or visit shopbitethefruitcom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2356

23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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23METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

ldquoYour search for the perfect holiday gift is over just buy a bunch of tickets to Kiss Me Kate and start stuff-

ing stockingsrdquo So said our theater critic Kate Wingfield in her five-star review of Shakespeare Theatrersquoswondrous production of Cole Porterrsquos musical but if yoursquod rather not splash on specific tickets you couldinstead offer one of the theaterrsquos customizable gift certificates While they can be used to purchase

tickets theyrsquore also valid for classes and Camp Shakespeare If you know any aspiring actors CampShakespeare offers those aged 7 to 18 the chance to dive into a two-week performance intensive where

theyrsquoll hone their Bardian craft Adults arenrsquot left out though mdash classes are available either as six-weekcourses or one-day workshops ranging from an introduction to acting to advanced courses for profes-sionals The perfect way to help someone sample the world of Shakespeare or a polite way to suggest

a friend work on their Othello Shakespeare Theatre Sidney Harman Hall 610 F Street NW WashingtonDC Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg

S C O T T S U C H M A N

Studio has introduced a new package for theater junkies

with the Create-Your-Own Subscription letting theatergo-ers mix and match from the theaterrsquos main series andthe Studio X series mdash Bad Jews Between Riverside and

Crazy Constellations Moment and more are all currentlyavailable Whatrsquos more it comes with all of the benefits

of a normal subscription such as free ticket exchangesand the option to attend Studiorsquos Artists in Conversationand Plays in Context series which put theater fans up

close and personal with actors directors scholars andmore If you know someone who loves theater mdash andparticularly Studiorsquos contemporary offerings mdash this is a

no-brainer Christmas gift If you need further convincingthe package is available from as little as $108 Thatrsquos a

lot of quality theater for the money Studio Theater 150114th Street NW Washington DC Call 202-332-3300 orvisit studiotheatreorg

A L L I

E D E A R I E

Kiss Me Kate

Wersquore used to fairtrade coffee so why not fairtrade art Thatrsquos the conceptbehind Ten Thousand Villages started more than 60 years ago Connecting artists

in 30 countries with buyers in Alexandria Ten Thousand Villages prides itself inoffering beautiful unique art that also benefits artisans who otherwise wouldnrsquothave access to American homes Perfect for artsy or socially conscious giftees

mdash or those who appreciate handmade curios mdash therersquos gifts for all budgetsand tastes If you need holiday gifts therersquos handcrafted Red Spice Bowls fromVietnam ($16 to $29) or the Holiday Chocolate Gift Pack ($18) which pairs well

with Share - The Book that Celebrates Our Common Humanity (with a forewordby Meryl Streep no less) ($40) For wine lovers (or cycling enthusiasts) therersquos

the Bike Chain Wine Rack ($49) and Bottle Opener ($10) or perhaps for thedashing gentleman in your life the Dash of Fancy Bowtie ($12) handcrafted inGuatemala Ten Thousand Villages 915 King Street Alexandria VA Call 703-684-

1435 or visit tenthousandvillagescom

Bad Jews

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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24 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

T HERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE WHEN

it comes to holiday gifts the ones who tell you

exactly what they want and the ones who sayldquoGet me anythingrdquo

The former are easy It will be ldquoOliverPeoples Executive II Half-Rim Sunglasses in Amber Tortoiserdquo

ldquoPlayStation 4 1TB Bundlerdquo or the ldquoNesco 400 Watt Four TrayDehydratorrdquoThey will send you specs and links and the only

issue yoursquoll have is how long yoursquoll be eating macaroni and

cheese to pay for itThe ldquoget me anythingrdquo crowd however is another story

Although there are a few who will be pleased with a set of hotel-style towels or one of those foot spas from a Big Box store we all

know they are a saintly minority There is a far larger cohort herewhose idea of ldquoanythingrdquo comes with a massive blinking neon

asterisk attached to the following small printldquoAnd of course when I say lsquoanythingrsquo I mean anything I

will find utterly charming and unique that has not been within acontainer shiprsquos reach of a Chinese factory (including a Chinesefactory in Prato Italy) or Pier Onerdquo

Since this rules out virtually everything produced within thelast decade the options are perilously narrow And unless you

sail with a near-limitless budget navigating such gifting straitsrequires ingenuity time and a good sense of direction

Shopping handmade can be one way around the dilemma but

it often consigns you to modern styles and this year an awfullot of beard balm For a more creative solution consider going

vintage Not only are there a wide range of possibilities andprice brackets thanks to the internet it is also one of the most

gratifying forms of recycling Even better if your giftee has deep

pockets and yours are filled with crumbs and lint buying vintagecan be a great way to show taste with an indeterminate price tag

Of course there are many vintage aficionados out there forwhom none of this is news But for those of you new to the con-

cept here are a few budget-conscious ideas to get you started

Bo983147 It

Old books carry the magic and charm of ages past They areoften delightfully outdated have intriguing illustrations

and can look very attractive on shelves Browse eBayrsquos vin-tage or antique offerings using search terms linked to your

gifteersquos interests such as travel recipes gardening or golfOr go odd and creepy try late Victorian anatomy zoology

or dental Filter to illustrated editions Keep an eye out for

listings in which old newspaper clippings pressed flowersor attractive inscriptions in flowery handwriting come with

the book For more curated offerings check out Etsycomand RubyLanecom Tip although first editions of notable

books are elegant gifts for the discerning they can be verycostly Donrsquot enter these waters unless you really know

what your target wants Start with a search of ABEcom orbibliocom for a good picture of what is available (to ama-

teur collectors) and what it will cost

Map It

Vintage and antique maps can make for an intriguing gift espe-cially if they have some meaning for the recipient Look for

one that shows a vintage rendering of your gifteersquos state and

O983148983140 is 983111Thrify but creative gif giving By Kate Wingfield

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2556

25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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25METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

hometown a place of fond memories or a dreamt-of-but-never-visited destination Frame with flare Tip antique maps can be

costly so consider 20th century atlas or map books too mdash theyoften have a pleasing retro vibe Ebay Etsy and Ruby Lane are

good sources

983111 983111983148983138a983148

Modern globes are a dime a dozen and are often pricey Butmany vintage globes are quite reasonable and come in enough

colors sizes and styles to make for good conversation pieces andinteresting decor If you have a history buff on your list look for

a Cold War era globe or one that shows some other historically-

interesting names and boundaries Tip consider a celestial ormoon globe for a space-obsessed or mystical friend

983109xpan983140 Yur 983109raCertain mid-century items (so-called Atomic and Eames era)

are super-hot and currently commanding higher prices Avoidthese specialty terms and simply search ldquovintagerdquo ldquooldrdquo or by

item eg ldquofigurinerdquo It takes longer to peruse these listings but

you may turn up many less-expensive treasures Look for smallunsigned sculptures oil paintings or sketches Be open to bric-a-

brac mdash some pieces have aged into high style And remember theseventies mdash and even the eighties mdash are back Tip if you are at a

loss consider a vintage ashtray Many offer great style or humorand make unique ring key or trinket holders Etsy Ruby Lane

eCratercom and Bonanzacom are all useful sites Ebay often hasbetter prices but be sure to inspect the photos with care

Mix an983140 Matc983144

For smaller presents or hosthostess gifts look for cheap but

attractive vintage fine bone china and combine it with another

gift For example buy a flowery side plate and tie a nice bar ofsoap to it with a ribbon pick up an attractively decorated gravy

boat and fill it with sachets of bath salts or bombs or buy a gor-geous old teacup and saucer and fill it with tiny wrapped choco-

lates The possibilities are endless once you get the idea Manysellers will combine shipping charges so always see if you can

cover more than one challenging giftee with a click Tip if youfind a named pattern that you like search and compare prices

across the websites already mentioned

983111 Lca983148

If you have the time DC and surrounding areas offer some

decent venues for vintage trinkets Eastern Market on CapitolHill (easternmarketnet) is a reliable go-to Ruff N ReadyFurnishings (4722 14th St NW) has smaller items (as well as

furniture) and Miss Pixiersquos (misspixiescom) has a fantasticselection If you find yourself in Arlington check out No Place

Like Home at 5140 Wilson Boulevard Tip if you want to make

an afternoon of it the highly quirky Mansion on O Street (oman-sioncom) offers (paid) tours of its vintage-filled hotel and almost

everything on view is for saleAs yoursquoll find there is a lot of vintage to be had and some of it

is without doubt junk But keep an open mind and think of yourgiftee and not yourself After all one personrsquos hideous chachki is

another personrsquos delight l

983140

Vintage Items at Miss Pixies - photos by Todd Franson

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2856

28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 2656

DECEMBER 17 - 23 2015

SPOTLIGHT

GEORGETOWN GLOWNow in its second year this lightart exhibition presented by theGeorgetown Business ImprovementDistrict features five displays bymulti-disciplinary artists from DCand further afield Billed as a wayto ldquore-imagine the season of lightrdquothe works were inspired by the his-toric CampO Canal which serves asGeorgetownrsquos ldquospinerdquo and are intend-ed to encourage contemplation of andinteraction with the arearsquos natural and

built environment One by ArthurGallice and Herve Orgeas featuressketched images of two lovers in blue and pink reflected in the waterunder Washingtonrsquos oldest bridge(the Wisconsin Avenue Bridge) whileanother by Laia Cabrera IsabelleDuverger and Erica Glyn is a filmand sound installation projected onthe canalrsquos brick wall Now to SundayDec 20 every night from 6 to 9 pmwith musical performances at 630pm on the lawn of Grace Church1041 Wisconsin Ave NW VisitGeorgetownGlowDCcom for moreinformation

HANDELrsquoS MESSIAH NSONATIONAL PHILHARMONICNext weekend is Messiah weekendat the arearsquos two main concert hallsFirst up is the National SymphonyOrchestra at the Kennedy Centerwith Nathalie Stutzmann conduct-ing four singers and the University ofMaryland Concert Choir MeanwhileStan Engebretson conductsStrathmorersquos resident orchestra theNational Philharmonic in a perfor-mance featuring four soloists and theNational Philharmonic Chorale NSOperforms Thursday Dec 17 at 7 pmFriday Dec 18 Saturday Dec 19 at 8pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 130 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall Ticketsare $15 to $89 Call 202-467-4600or visit kennedy-centerorg NationalPhilharmonic performs Saturday Dec19 at 8 pm and Sunday Dec 20 at 3pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $44 to $94 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

MADE IN ARLINGTON HOLIDAYPOP-UP SHOP A one-day showcase of locally madegoods intended as a place for last-minute gifts Participating vendorsinclude textilist Mira Jean a ldquoMarthaStewart American Maderdquo nominee

26

Compiled by Doug Rule

J O E M A Z Z A B R A V E L U X

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

R ETURNING TO WOOLLY MAMMOTH IS ANOTHER ROUND OF THE NEO-

Futuristsrsquo boisterously fun and unpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind ( HHHHH ) An interesting format of fast and furious mini-plays that come with the

promise that no two performances are ever alike and yet all are based on the playerrsquos real livesitrsquos a grand exercise in theatrical flexibility

More about perspectives and impressions than memories the technique here dramaticallyopens up the field and the dimension As such part of what intrigues is figuring out the gist of

each piece before itrsquos time to choose another one mdash one of several noisy processes which ( par-

ticipation alert) involve the audienceStill although there is a certain theatrical anarchy here the proceedings are without doubt

skillfully orchestrated for speed rhythm and emotional flow mdash with a vibe closer to sketch com-edy than theatre of the absurd They may be neo-futuristic but they are not out to alienate If a

few of the perspectives are a tad edgy none are in danger of shocking a typical Woolly audienceAnd preaching to such a choir it would have been interesting to veer away from the somewhat

familiar (and vaguely accusatory) personal perspectives on race and gender and get the contentas unhinged as the format With for example some of the Left going so far as to become almost

Right there is plenty of controversy worth exploring in a Too Much Light-style arena And with-

out more exploration itrsquos fair to ask if this is really neo-futurist theater or simply an interestingly

chaotic montage of thoughts and impressions Does it matter Not really either way itrsquos enter-tainment with some thought-provoking moments and plenty of laughs

Although the players vary over the run the current crop offer a certain unpolished inno-

cence that keeps it fresh if sometimes a tad rough around the edges Trevor Dawkins makes foran impressive presence and effectively delivers one of the most memorable monologues mdash an

accelerating ode to mortality delivered from a balcony mdash while Malic White stands out for her

irrepressible urge to connect with the audienceAll in itrsquos hipsterish hijinks with a heart and a great place to start off your holiday cheer

ndash Kate Wingfield

Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind runs to January 3 at Woolly Mammoth 641 D St NWTickets are $48 to $68 A special New Yearrsquos Eve performance includes a pre-show happy hour

and 1030 pm performance followed by a cast party with ldquotasty treats unlimited beer and wine

and a champagne toastrdquo Tickets start at $100 Call 202-393-3939 or visit woollymammothnet

Go Into the lightWoolly Mammoth offers anotherround of the boisterously fun andunpredictable Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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27METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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28

be some familiar characters and hometruths here but they are never preachyor pretentious It is simply a cleverand funny story told with joy heartand just the right dose of irreverencefor audiences of all ages and outlooksBeyond phenomenal is JohannahEasley in the title role A slip of agirl Easley is a towering talent car-rying the play with a bright nuancedperformance that stays emblazonedon the mind long past her dancing

exit As directed by Charles Randolph-Wright Arena Stagersquos Akeelah and the Bee may not help your spelling butit will definitely make your day ToDec 27 Kreeger Theater in the MeadCenter for American Theater 1101 6thSt SW Tickets are $55 to $100 Call202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg(Kate Wingfield)

AN IRISH CAROLFor the fourth year and the first inits newly renovated space KeeganTheatre offers company memberMatthew Keenanrsquos homage to theDickens classic mdash albeit with bit-ing humor and incisive candor The

show runs in repertory with How ToCatch a Leprechaun Mark A Rheadirects a cast featuring Jon TownsonDavid Jourdan Susan Marie RheaJosh Sticklin Timothy Lynch DanielLyons Mike Kozemchak and Kevin Adams To Dec 31 Keegan Theatre1742 Church St NW Tickets are $30to $40 Call 703-892-0202 or visitkeegantheatrecom

AS YOU LIKE IT All the worldrsquos a stage for SyneticTheaterrsquos 12th ldquosilent Shakespearerdquoadaptation this time the frothy com-edy complete with a girl disguised as a boy As You Like It is also the source of

some of the Bardrsquos most famous phrasesfrom ldquoall the worldrsquos a stagerdquo to ldquotoomuch of a good thingrdquo mdash though ofcourse you wonrsquot hear those here PaataTsikurishvili directs the adaptation fea-turing Taylor Robinson Sharisse Taylorand Philip Fletcher as Orlando Nowto Jan 17 Theater at Crystal City 1800South Bell St Arlington Tickets are$45 to $55 Call 800-494-8497 or visitsynetictheaterorg

BAD JEWS Already the best-selling play in its his-tory Studio Theatre reprises JoshuaHarmonrsquos acerbic dramedy Bad Jews for another holiday run only

a year after its debut Serge Seidenonce again directs this year featur-ing a cast including Laura LapidusRowan Vickers Noah Averbach-Katzand Maggie Wilder To Jan 3 StudioTheatre 14th amp P Streets NW Ticketsare $44 to $88 Call 202-332-3300 or visit studiotheatreorg

BLACK NATIVITY Another year another production byTheater Alliance of Langston Hughesrsquosretelling of the Biblical Christmasstory from an Afrocentric perspectiveincorporating gospel blues funk jazzand dance with griot-style storytellingfrom an ensemble cast Black Nativity

was one of the first plays written by

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Alexandria Tickets are $35 to $50 Call800-494-8497 or visit metrostageorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROLFordrsquos Theatre remounts its music-filled production of the Dickens clas-sic adapted by Michael Wilson anddirected by Michael Baron EdwardGero returns for his seventh year asEbenezer Scrooge in a staging featur-ing imaginative special effects famil-iar carols and themes of giving back

and living with grace Among otherlocal stage stars in the cast Carolyn Agan Felicia Curry William DiggleErin Driscoll Rick Hammerly KevinMcAllister Amy McWilliams andStephen Schmidt To Dec 31 FordrsquosTheatre 511 10th St NW Call 800-982-2787 or visit fordstheatreorg

A CHRISTMAS CAROL A GHOSTSTORY OF CHRISTMASOlney Theatre Center presents anoth-er seasonal run of the one-man por-trayal of the Dickens classic by PaulMorella who bases his adaptation onDickensrsquo original novella and readingtour To Dec 27 The Mulitz-Gudelsky

Theatre Lab at Olney Theatre Center2001 Olney-Sandy Spring Road OlneyMd Call 301-924-3400 or visit olney-theatreorg

A LUMP OF COAL FOR CHRISTMASHolly Twyford directs a world pre-miere co-commission by the AdventureTheatre MTC and Bay Area ChildrenrsquosTheatre of Norman Allenrsquos hilariousadventure about unlikely friendshipsand holiday miracles The focus is ona Lump of Coal who wants to be anartist in the process going from onechildrsquos worst nightmare into a dreamcome true To Dec 31 AdventureTheatre MTC 7300 MacArthur Blvd

Glen Echo Tickets are $1950 Call301-634-2270 or visit adventurethe-atre-mtcorg

A VERY POINTLESS HOLIDAYSPECTACULARPointless Theatre Company offersanother year of a holiday show it dubsldquothe North Polersquos 239th Annual TalentShowrdquo an annual irreverent cabaretfor adults featuring puppetry improvand a funky reindeer band mdash this yearwith new elves and acts Pointlesswas founded by Patti Kalil and MattReckeweg and dedicated to perform-ing innovative and exuberant pup-pet theater devised in an ensemble

approach and the companyrsquos successincludes the 2014 Helen Hayes Awardas Outstanding Emerging TheatreCompany To Jan 2 Mead TheatreLab at Flashpoint Gallery 916 G StNW Tickets are $22 to $27 Call 202-315-1310 or visit flashpointdcorg

AKEELAH AND THE BEE

HHHHH

Exuding nothing but good vibeshumor and charm Akeelah and the BeeCheryl L Westrsquos urban tale of a littlegirl who earns her way to the nationalspelling bee is a breath of fresh air Not just for being guilelessly feel-good butalso for its elegant restraint There may

FILM

SISTERSGoing up against Star Wars seems likea foolrsquos errand but clearly someoneover at Universal thought it was agood idea Itrsquos a shame really as JasonMoorersquos film about two sisters whothrow one last party at their parentsrsquohouse shows a lot of promise mdash notleast because the sisters in question

are the incredible duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who even managed tomake Baby Mama watchable Aidingthem are many fellow Saturday Night Live alums from Maya Rudolph toRachel Dratch to current cast memberBobby Moynihan Opens Friday Dec18 Area theaters Visit fandangocom

THE DANISH GIRL

HHHHH

Fashioning the tale of transgenderpioneer Lili Elbe into a mainstream-friendly love story may seem likeshrewd packaging by a Hollywoodmarketing department but the resultis a film that succeeds above all else

because that central love story is sowell crafted David Ebershoffrsquos epon- ymous novel loosely depicted Elbersquoslife but Tom Hooperrsquos The DanishGirl sticks closer to the facts It fol-lows Einar Wegener a Danish painterwho slowly comes to realize that he istransgender after modelling womenrsquosclothes for his wife Gerda From thereLili is born with the film following thecouple as they navigate Lilirsquos explora-tion of her new gender identity andGerda deals with her love for Lili andthe loss of her husband The DanishGirl is a flattering beautifully capturedcaptivatingly performed retelling ofthe marriage between a trans pioneer

and her wife mdash and one sure to dowell this awards season Now play-ing Area theaters Visit fandangocom(Rhuaridh Marr)

STAGE

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLKathy Feiningerrsquos A Broad wayChristmas Show tells the famousCharles Dickens classic by alteringthe lyrics to familiar Broadway tunes30 or so in all from The Music Man to Sweeney Todd to Annie The resultis a pretty gay show especially with

gay Helen Hayes Award-winningactor Michael Sharp at the helm asdirector and choreographer In yearspast Sharp has played Scrooge butPeter Boyer has now assumed the bah-humbugging duties Sharp will playThe Man Who Isnrsquot Scrooge TraceyStephens also returns as The WomanWho Isnrsquot Scrooge and HowardBreitbart as music director mdash aka TheMan Behind The Piano ldquoI always thinkof it like the Carol Burnett ShowrdquoSharp told Metro Weekly a few seasonsago ldquo[Three] people playing a mil-lion different characters Sometimeswe crack each other up You neverknow whatrsquos going to happenrdquo To Dec27 MetroStage 1201 North Royal St

Stacey Bradshaw and her Little MissPepper Jewelry printmaker WestenMuntain and piemaker Livinrsquo The PieLife soon to have its own retail storeThe showcase takes place amid thelocal photo exhibit Living Diversity at the Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Saturday Dec 12 from 11 amto 3 pm Arlington Mill CommunityCenter Gallery 909 S Dinwiddie St Arlington Call 703-228-1850 or visitfacebookcomartsarlington for more

information

MATILDA THE MUSICAL A fantasy based on a novel by RoaldDahl about an extraordinary girl whodares to realize her dreams of a bet-ter life Matthew Warchus directs thisnational touring production of thefour-time Tony-winning show featur-ing a book by Dennis Kelly and musicand lyrics by Tim Minchin Now toJan 10 Kennedy Center Opera HouseTickets are $30 to $204 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

NOVA Y PAYTON AND FRIENDSSignaturersquos youngest powerhouse

performer star of Dreamgirls and Hairspray performs a cabaret of herholiday favorites accompanied by achorus and a band To Dec 24 The Arkat Signature Theatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Tickets are $35 Call703-820-9771 or visit signature-the-atreorg

STARS OF DAVID STORY TO SONGShirley Serotsky directs a specialTheater J holiday production of afunny and captivating musical revuecelebrating the lives of your favoriteJewish public figures conceived by Aaron Harnick and based on AbigailPogrebinrsquos best-selling book Joshua

Dick Sherri L Edelen Emily Leveyand Aaron Serotsky will sing songs by Marvin Hamlisch Jeanine TesoriSheldon Harnick Duncan Sheik andSteven Sater and Tom Kitt in this showOpens Tuesday Dec 22 at 730 pmRuns to Dec 27 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $27 to $52 Call 202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADELike the funniest extroverts at theparty the improv troupe UprightCitizens Brigade which hails fromNew York and Los Angeles riffs on

DC and audience-members alikemdash donrsquot worry itrsquos volunteer-onlyRivaling Chicagorsquos Second City mdash notto mention DCrsquos own WashingtonImprov Theater mdash the brigade includesmany famous alumni including AmyPoehler Ed Helms and Horatio SanzThe touring companyrsquos current castincludes Morgan Miller Keaton PattiStefan Schuette and Yoni LotanSunday Dec 20 at 7 pm Sixth ampI Historic Synagogue 600 I St NWTickets are $20 in advance or $25 day-of show Call 202-408-3100 or visitsixthandiorg

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4156

41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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David Mavricos and Seamus MillerCloses this Sunday Dec 20 Theatre onthe Run 3700 South Four Mile Run Dr Arlington Tickets are $30 to $35 Call703-418-4808 or visit avantbardorg

HOW TO CATCH A LEPRECHAUNIn repertory with An Irish CarolKeegan Theatre offers its first main-stage family production a new chil-drenrsquos musical by local playwrightsMario Baldessari and Ethan Slater

based on a familiar Irish folktale JonTownson directs a cast includingBradley Foster Smith Josh SticklinSally Frakes Cusenza and Brian DoyleTo Dec 31 Keegan Theatre 1742Church St NW Tickets are $12 to $15Call 703-892-0202 or visit keeganthe-atrecom

KISS ME KATE

HHHHH

Your search for the perfect holidaygift is over just buy a bunch of ticketsto Kiss Me Kate and start stuffingstockings Superbly executed and tre-mendous fun this production deliv-ers a full-bore good old-fashioned

movie-style musical that simply canrsquot be beat Written by Samuel and BellaSpewack with music and lyrics byCole Porter itrsquos a screwball comedywith all the silliness and saber wit thatcomes with it Add Porterrsquos fabulouslycatchy score choreographer MicheleLynchrsquos big song and dance numberssnazzy tap and a whole boatload ofsnappy one-liners and even the big-

woes Dexter Ramey directs this showfeaturing Tiny Tim Charlie BrownCindy Lou Who and a host of others asperformed by David Clark KimberlyJones-Clark and Jay O Millman as the bartender Closes this Saturday Dec19 Richmond Triangle Players 1300 Altamont Ave Richmond Tickets are$28 to $30 each Call 804-346-8113 or visit rtriangleorg

GUYS AND DOLLS

At Olney Theatre Center JerryWhiddon directs this classic musi-cal comedy about gambling and gang-sters starring Jessica Lauren Ball asone lucky lady Michael J Bobbitthandles the choreography for thisproduction of composer and lyricistFrank Loesserrsquos tale with a book byJo Swerling and Abe Burrows ToDec 27 Mainstage at Olney TheatreCenter 2001 Olney-Sandy SpringRoad Olney Md Call 301-924-3400or visit olneytheatreorg

HOLIDAY MEMORIESWSC Avant Bard offers a play based ontwo short stories by gay literary giant

Truman Capote A Christmas Memoryand A Thanksgiving Visitor Russell Vandenbroucke adapted the tales forthe stage in what is touted as a lovelyand lyrical reminiscence of Capotersquoscoming of age in Depression-era Alabama Tom Prewitt directs AvantBardrsquos Artistic Director EmeritusChristopher Henley as Truman sup-ported by Charlotte Akin Liz Dutton

an African American to appear onBroadway 51 years ago The winnerof three Helen Hayes Awards this year the Theater Alliance produc-tion is directed by Eric Ruffin whois joined by music director ersquoMarcusHarper-Short and choreographerPrincess Mhoon To Jan 3 AnacostiaPlayhouse 2020 Shannon Place SETickets are $35 to $50 Call 202-241-2539 or visit theateralliancecom

BRIGHT STARThe Kennedy Center offers the limitedpre-Broadway engagement of the newmusical by an unlikely pair Comedianand bluegrass musician Steve Martinand folkpop singer-songwriter EdieBrickell Bright Star is a sweeping taleof love and redemption set against therich backdrop of the American South between the World Wars Broadway veteran Walter Bobbie directs a largecast including Carmen Cusack Paul Alexander Nolan Michael Mulheren AJ Shively Hannah Elless StephenBogardus Dee Hoty Stephen Lee Anderson Emily Padgett and JeffBlumenkrantz To Jan 2 Kennedy

Center Eisenhower Theater Ticketsare $45 to $175 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

CHRISTMAS ON THE ROCKSThe Richmond Triangle Playerspresents a parody conceived by RobRuggiero in which a parade of favoriteChristmas characters meet at a run-down bar to wallow in their Christmas

29METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

gest curmudgeon on your list is goingto find something to grin about Prizingthe individual performances from thisproduction will never do it justice because itrsquos always going to be aboutthe spectacle And even without a CecilB DeMille budget director Alan Pauldelivers this show in a whirlwind of beautiful seamless pacing that resultsin entertainment far bigger and more bountiful than any of its parts ToJan 3 Sidney Harman Hall HarmanCenter for the Arts 610 F St NWTickets are $44 to $118 Call 202-547-1122 or visit shakespearetheatreorg(Kate Wingfield)

MOTOWN THE MUSICALThe latest hit Broadway jukebox showcould also be called the Berry Gordy Revue Now ensconced at the NationalTheatre during its first national tour themusical tells the true American dreamstory of the Motown founder and hissuccess in creating an enduring style of American popular music and launch-ing the careers of Diana Ross MichaelJackson and Smokey Robinson to name just three To Jan 3 National Theatre1321 Pennsylvania Ave NW Tickets are$48 to $98 Call 202-628-6161 or visitthenationaldcorg

OLIVERThis seasonrsquos musical at Arena Stageis Lionel Bartrsquos 1962 Tony-winningtake on the Charles Dickens classicreinvented in-the-round and with amodern twist by Arenarsquos Molly Smith

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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30

THE GOSPEL OF LOVINGKINDNESSThe new Mosaic Theater Companypresents Marcus Gardleyrsquos play ahymn- and hip-hop-tinged elegy set onthe South Side of Chicago in a time ofrising gun violence Jennifer L Nelsondirects this production featuring DougBrown Erica Chamblee Manu HKumasi and Deidra LaWan StarnesNow to Jan 3 Atlas Performing ArtsCenter 1333 H St NE Tickets are$25 to $50 Call 202-399-7993 or visit

mosaictheaterorg

WEST SIDE STORYConsidered one of the greatest musi-cals of all time Leonard Bernsteinand Stephen Sondheimrsquos reimaginingof Romeo and Juliet finally gets theSignature Theatre stamp in a produc-tion directed by Matthew Gardiner Arena Stagersquos award-winning chore-ographer Parker Esse was broughton board to help adapt the originalwork by Jerome Robbins which still reigns supreme in the musical the-ater cannon Signaturersquos productionfeatures MaryJoanna Grisso AustinColby Sean Ewing Max Clayton and

Signature favorite Natascia Diaz ldquoaworthy successorrdquo to Chita Rivera as Anita according to the Los AngelesTimes Now to Jan 24 SignatureTheatre 4200 Campbell Ave Arlington Call 703-820-9771 or visitsignature-theatreorg

XrsquoS AND OrsquoS(A FOOTBALL LOVE STORY)Subtitled A Footbal l Love Storythe NFL takes Center Stage in thisunflinching ripped-from-the-headlines examination of Americarsquosfavorite and most traumatic sportwritten by KJ Sanchez with JennyMercein and co-commissioned by

Center Stage with Berkeley RepertoryTheater Tony Taccone directs acast including two-time Super BowlChampion Dwight Hicks of the SanFrancisco 49ers It doesnrsquot get muchmore authentic than that Closes thisSunday Dec 20 Center Stage 700North Calvert St Baltimore Call 410-986-4000 or visit centerstageorg

MUSIC

CHORAL ARTS SOCIETYrsquoS35TH HOLIDAY CONCERTThe Choral Arts Society presents its

35th annual A Choral Arts Christmasconcert featuring the Choral ArtsChorus and Chamber Ensemble con-ducted by Scott Tucker Sunday Dec20 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 24 at2 pm Kennedy Center Concert HallTickets are $15 to $69 Call 202-467-4600 or visit kennedy-centerorg

FOLGER CONSORTThe Season Bids Us Christmas Music featuring Guidorsquos Four Seasons isthis yearrsquos holiday offering from theConsort Itrsquos not certain whetherItalian violinist Giovanni AntonioGuidorsquos Four Seasons compositionswere written before Vivaldirsquos but

both include charming poems for

Smith directs a large 25-member castand once again teams up with choreog-rapher Parker Esse who won a HelenHayes Award for his work with Smithon another acclaimed exclaimed pro-duction 2010rsquos Oklahoma To Jan 3Mead Center for American Theater1101 6th St SW Call 202-488-3300 or visit arenastageorg

PERICLESStriking visual projections and live

music composed by Jack Herrickpromise to fulfill the dramatic poten-tial of this rough-seas Shakespeare voyage Originally produced at theOregon Shakespeare Festival JosephHaj directs a run at Folger Theatrestarring Wayne T Carr before takingit to Minneapolisrsquos Guthrie Theaterat the top of 2016 Closes this SundayDec 20 Folger Theatre 201 EastCapitol St SE Tickets are $35 to $75Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

SONS OF THE PROPHET

Saint Rafka revered as a saint of suf-fering looms over Luciana Stecconirsquos

set in Sons of the Prophet Yet StephenKaramrsquos barbed comedy now in itsregional premiere at Theater J ismostly joyous Of particular delightis the way his play mdash focused on themulti-generational sufferings of aLebanese-American family mdash portraysa gay relationship from tentative firstmeeting to stripped-down make-outhookup A promising playwrightKaram packs a lot into this 105-min-ute intermission-less play which wasa Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2012 andwinner of several awards that year And the fact that both Joseph andhis younger brother Charles are gayis a refreshingly moot point ldquoWhat

are the oddsrdquo is a common reactioneven among more conservative fam-ily members mdash though in truth itrsquosa refrain that pertains to so much ofthe action in this play all about themysteries of life Fortunately GreggHenryrsquos surefire direction keeps thenumerous narrative strands from becoming entangled or getting lostin the vagaries of it all Closes thisSunday Dec 20 The Aaron and CecileGoldman Theater Washington DCrsquosJewish Community Center 1529 16thSt NW Tickets are $37 to $67 Call202-777-3210 or visit theaterjorg(Doug Rule)

STAGE KISSCelebrated local director AaronPosner helms a Round House Theatreproduction of Sarah Ruhlrsquos livelycomedy mixing real-life romanceand backstage farce Gregory Woodelland Dawn Ursula star as the He andShe in question with a strong castcomplemented by Craig WallaceMichael Glenn Todd Scofield Tyasia Velines and Rachel Zampelli To Dec27 Round House Theatre 4545 East-West Highway Bethesda Tickets are$36 to $51 Call 240-644-1100 or visitroundhousetheatreorg

each season Concert features a stringensemble with acclaimed French violinist Julien Chauvin and sopranoRosa Lamoreaux and also includesChristmas music for soprano andstrings by Marc-Antoine CharpentierPerformances begin Friday Dec 18at 8 pm To Dec 23 The LutheranChurch of the Reformation 212 EastCapitol St NE Tickets are $40 to $50Call 202-544-7077 or visit folgeredu

RDGLDGRNWhat this Reston Va-based bandlacks in vowels it makes up for withmusic in consonance with the best ofpop Pharrell Williams co-producedthe song ldquoDoing The Mostrdquo from thecolorful triorsquos self-titled 2013 debutEP and you can hear his influenceall over the bandrsquos output mdash specifi-cally Williamsrsquo early hip-hoppopproduction work with the Neptunesand the punkpop tunes of his old band NERD Guitarist MarcusldquoRedrdquo Parham bassist Andrei ldquoGoldrdquoBusuioceanu and vocalist PierreldquoGreenrdquo Desrosiers were also inspired by other DC- and Virginia-bred

acts in creating their bandrsquos propul-sive pop sound from Bad Brains toChuck Brown to Dave Grohl Thefamed NirvanaFoo Fighter evenplays drums on some of the bandrsquosrecordings and included them in theDC episode of his HBO series Sonic Highways Masego a local jazz vocal-istsaxophonistlooper opens this930 Club-presented show FridayDec 18 Doors at 7 pm U Street MusicHall 1115A U St NW Tickets are $18Call 202-588-1880 or visit ustreetmu-sichallcom

THE INSERIES BY GEORGEBY IRA BY GERSHWIN

A concert-in-cabaret spanning themusic from Tin Pan Alley Hollywoodand opera this InSeries program isfocused on the output of one of thegreatest sibling songwriting duos Abel Lopez directs a cast includingPam Ward Detra Battle Jase ParkerKenneth Derby Laura Fuentes andBryan Jackson who will move withchoreography by Angelisa Gillyardwhile singing standards (from ldquoIGot Rhythmrdquo to ldquoThe Man I Loverdquoto ldquoThey Canrsquot Take That AwayFrom Merdquo) accompanied by a jazzcombo Remaining performances areSaturday Dec 19 at 230 pm andSunday Dec 20 at 8 pm Source

Theatre 1835 14th St NW Tickets are$22 to $42 Call 202-204-7741 or visitinseriesorg

THE REBIRTH BRASS BANDFormed in 1983 this New Orleans band has evolved from playing thestreets of the French Quarter to fes-tivals and stages all over the worldmdash and also HBOrsquos Treme mdash in the pro-cess leading a revival in the cityrsquos brass band tradition Saturday Dec 26 at830 pm The Hamilton 600 14th StNW Tickets are $37 to $42 Call 202-787-1000 or visit thehamiltondccom

DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

THE WASHINGTON CHORUSJulian Wachner directs the annualldquoA Candlelight Christmasrdquo featuringthe 200-voice chorus singing familiarcarols and holiday songs plus audi-ence sing-alongs and a candlelightprocessional The Madrigal Lords andLadies from McDonough High Schoolin Pomfret Md will join the chorusRemaining performances are SaturdayDec 19 at 2 pm Monday Dec 21 at7 pm and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8 pm

Kennedy Center Concert Hall AlsoFriday Dec 18 at 8 pm Music Centerat Strathmore 5301 Tuckerman LaneNorth Bethesda Tickets are $18 to $72Call 202-342-6221 or visit thewashing-tonchorusorg

WASHINGTON NATIONAL OPERAThe Grimm brothersrsquo fairy tale Hanseland Gretel gets reimagined in WNOrsquoswhimsical and neon-colored produc-tion complete with a cackling witchenchanted fairies dancing animalsand an oversized gingerbread ovenSarah Meyers directs an English-language production for children andadults alike that the Washington Post

described as ldquoa staging that looked likea comic book by Dr Seussrdquo This fam-ily opera is set to music by EngelbertHumperdinck and features formerDomingo-Cafritz Young Artists along-side the WNO Childrenrsquos ChorusCloses this Sunday Dec 20 KennedyCenter Terrace Theater Tickets are$59 to $75 Call 202-467-4600 or visitkennedy-centerorg

DANCE

MARYLAND YOUTH BALLETldquoBegin a holiday traditionrdquo touts thiscompany whose principal and artis-tic director Michelle Lees choreo-graphs this family friendly productionOpens Friday Dec 18 at 7 pm ToDec 27 Montgomery Collegersquos RobertE Parilla Performing Arts Center 51Mannakee St Rockville Tickets are $31in advance or $36 at the door Call 240-567-5301 or visit montgomerycollegeeduPAC marylandyouthballetorg

THE MOSCOW BALLETDubbed the ldquoGreat RussianNutcrackerrdquo this version of the holi-day ballet staple pays tribute to MariusPetipa who developed the Nutcracker choreography mdash and for good measurethat of Swan Lake mdash and is credited asldquoThe Father of Russian Balletrdquo Thisgreat Russian company has been tour-ing its Nutcracker in the United Statesfor more than 20 years now MondayDec 21 and Tuesday Dec 22 at 8pm Music Center at Strathmore 5301Tuckerman Lane North BethesdaTickets are $48 to $88 Call 301-581-5100 or visit strathmoreorg

THE WASHINGTON BALLET THENUTCRACKEREvery year for the past 12 yearsWashington Balletrsquos artistic directorSeptime Webre has offered his owntwist on the family favorite setting it

in DCrsquos historic Georgetown neigh-

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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31METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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32 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

and festive deacutecor across HillwoodTo Dec 31 Hillwood Estate 4155Linnean Ave NW Suggested dona-tion is $12 Call 202-686-5807 or visitHillwoodMuseumorg

LAUGH INDEX THEATRErsquoSIMPROV WARSBilled as a friendly competition amongarea improv troupes LITrsquos ImprovWars is a battle in which the audi-ence votes for the winner The event

is set to take place at Adams Morganrsquosnonprofit art space DC Arts CenterMonday Dec 21 at 730 pm Districtof Columbia Arts Center 2438 18th StNW Tickets are $10 or two-for-$15 inadvance or $15 per at the door Call202-462-7833 or visit dcartscenterorg

NATIONAL ZOOrsquoS ZOOLIGHTSEvery year the Smithsonianrsquos NationalZoo presents ZooLights in whichmore than 500000 colorful Christmaslights illuminate life-sized animalsilhouettes dancing trees buildingsand walkways plus a light show set tomusic All that plus select animal hous-es will be open and displaying noc-

turnal creatures including the SmallMammal House the Great Ape Houseand Reptile Discovery Center Everynight except Dec 24 25 and 31 from5 pm to 9 pm until Jan 2 NationalZoo 3001 Connecticut Ave NW Freecourtesy of Pepco Call 202-633-4800or visit nationalzoosiedu

THE KILN CLUBrsquoSORNAMENTATIONOF THE SEASON Artists from the Kiln Club presentworks in clay at the cooperative art-ist-run Scope Gallery in AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center Festivecandleholders vases bowls and trays

handmade centerpieces and oodles ofornaments will be on display To Jan3 Scope Gallery in Torpedo Factory Art Center 105 North Union St Alexandria Free Call 703-548-6288or visit scopegalleryorg

TORPEDO FACTORYrsquoS HOLIDAYWINE TASTING ANDSTUDIO TOURSFactory Society the under-40youngprofessionals group of AlexandriarsquosTorpedo Factory Art Center hosts anafter-hours holiday wine tasting pre-sented by Altura Wine and Gourmetand Kilwins Alexandria Wines andlight desserts are paired with residentartists working and talking directly intheir studios Among the artists partici-pating are painter Matthew Harwoodmixed-media artist and photographerRachel Kerwin photographer GregKnott mixed-media sculpturist andglassmaker Alison Sigethy and jewelerWhitney Staiger Also on offer will beoriginal works of art in the holidaypop-up art shop Friday Dec 18 at 7pm Torpedo Factory Art Center 105North Union St Alexandria Ticketsare $30 Call 703-548-6288 or visit tor-pedofactoryorg l

borhood with George Washington asthe titular figure and King George IIIas the Rat King After two weekendsin the intimate THEARC space inSoutheast DC as part of the com-panyrsquos efforts to spread and diversifyits audience the production sets upshop for nearly all of December atdowntownrsquos Warner Theatre To Dec27 Warner Theatre 513 13th St NWTickets are $35 to $126 Call 202-889-5901 or visit washingtonballetorg

READINGS

ROLAND MESNIERThe longest-serving pastry chef at theWhite House will discuss and sign cop-ies of two of his most popular booksThe White House in Gingerbread and A Sweet World of White House DessertsRoland Mesnier served five presidentsat the White House concocting holi-day recipes and gingerbread housesdisplayed in the White House StateDining Room Friday Dec 18 at 11am National Museum of AmericanHistory 14th St and Constitution Ave

NW Call 202-633-1000 or visit ameri-canhistorysiedu

ABOVE AND BEYOND

11TH ANNUAL DOWNTOWNHOLIDAY MARKETThe DowntownDC BusinessImprovement District and DiverseMarkets Management stage thisEuropean-style outdoor holiday mar-ket featuring more than 150 area vendors selling a diverse range of arthandicrafts and usable products per-fect for gifting (or keeping) Therersquos

also live entertainment and seasonalfood and beverage on tap To Dec23 from noon to 8 pm everyday F between 7th and 9th Streets NW Free Visit downtownholidaymarketcom

DEL RAY ARTISANSrsquo 20THANNUAL HOLIDAY MARKET Alexandriarsquos quirky members-only artgallery offers its 20th annual holidaymarket featuring unique handmadefine arts and fine crafts from differentlocal artists on a rotating basis overthe next three weekends The artistsmdash working in pottery photography jewelry fiber paper crafts and glass mdashwill donate a percentage of their sales

to help support the gallery Poinsettias2016 wall calendars and handmadeornaments will also be on hand Closesthis Sunday Dec 20 Del Ray Artisansin the Nicholas A Colasanto Center2704 Mount Vernon Ave AlexandriaCall 703-731-8802 or visit thedelray-artisansorg

HILLWOODrsquoS HAUTE HOLIDAYSAND RUSSIAN WINTER FESTIVALThe most stylish eras of the 20thcentury as seen in the special exhi- bition Ingenue to Icon 70 Years of Fashion from the Collection of Marjorie Merriweather Post are the inspira-tion for glamorous Christmas trees

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3356

33METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3556

35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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34 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Reawakening

Star Wars The Force Awakensestablishes new lore for the series

while also appealing to the fans

FROM THE MOMENT JOHN WILLIAMSrsquo INIMI-table score bursts forth from the speakers and the

classic yellow Star Wars logo jumps into frame itrsquostough not to be affected by the seventh film in a series

that has spanned four decades and spawned a near limitless num-ber of spin-offs merchandise and uber fans Everyone has a Star

Wars story mdash whether being among the first to see Episode IV

when it exploded into the public conscious in 1977 or part of thesmall minority who actually liked Jar Jar Binks few people can

claim to be truly separated from George Lucasrsquo magnum opus

Except that at least in practical terms this is a very differentStar Wars from the one we loved in the seventies and eighties

and mostly ignored in the nineties and naughties Lucas haslong since been excised from a franchise he nurtured to fruition

and then threatened with extinction He has neither produceddirected nor written this film Instead therersquos a new grand

master in town mdash and it sports two big ears and talks in a high-pitched strain

Disney has a lot to prove with Star Wars The Force Awakens

( HHHHH ) Not only must they eventually recoup the $4 billionspent acquiring Lucasfilm they also have to prove that they can

successfully resurrect a franchise we werenrsquot quite finished withmdash but no one was entirely sure they wanted more of Has it been

successful Yes Undoubtedly The Force Awakens isnrsquot originalmdash therersquos too much history for that to be possible mdash but it works

on several levels itrsquos a reboot a reimagining an incredibly indul-gent fan-service and the kickstarter to a new trilogy of films that

Disney hopes will line its pockets with mon- I mean delight fans

old and new for years to comeSet thirty years after the events of Return of the Jedi this is a

film

by RHUARIDH MARR

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

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35METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

new and uncertain world Uncertain mostly because the classicscrolling text at the filmrsquos opening does little to establish the new

lore beyond the bare minimum The Empire is gone replaced by

the First Order an almost identical evil organization with evenmore overt Nazi references The Rebellion is similarly disband-

ed replaced by the Republic and its Resistance fighters who aretrying to rebuild a galaxy torn apart by Vader and company The

history the politics the aftermath of the Vader years none ofthat matters Star Wars is much more focused on introducing its

new main characters mdash for the most part anywayThose new additions are a curious mix of familiar and fresh

Familiar is Rey portrayed by the fantastic Daisy Ridley If Ridley

had little notoriety before this film shersquos sure to command it inthe years to come as her Rey mdash who scratches out a meager liv-

ing salvaging parts from decades-old crashed Empire starshipson the desert planet of Jakku mdash is exactly the sort of likeable

just-vague-enough type to carry the gravitas placed upon herlater in the script Her story smacks of A New Hope mdash she finds a

droid (the adorable BB-8) it reveals that it has information she

tries to deliver said information to the Resistance while uncover-ing more about herself mdash but Ridley balances the comedy action

and drama that Rey is thrown intoA similarly excellent find is John Boyega He stars here

as Finn a First Order stormtrooper who on his first missionrefuses to murder innocent civilians reacting to a conscious that

he was specifically trained not to have Finn stumbles acrossRey and the two become locked together as they try to return

the droid Finn is this filmrsquos Han Solo reluctant to fight eager to

run and hide from the First Order but he slowly comes aroundto both his feelings for Rey mdash be they friendship or otherwise mdash

and a desire to take down his former masters Boyega matchesHarrison Fordrsquos easy ability to command the screen during

action sequences but also breezily switch into comedy duringthe filmrsquos many lighter moments

Adam Driver is almost unrecognizable as Kylo Ren com-

mander of the First Order Hersquos our new Darth Vader complete

with electronic voice and murderous inclination Howeverwhen his helmet is removed during one scene gone is the con-fident swagger Driver portrays in Girls Here he looks young mdash

too young to be committing the atrocities of his character mdash butin terms of his story arc it makes perfect sense and Driver car-

ries Ren with conviction This is a person punching above theirweight eager to please a new big bad mdash Supreme Leader Snoke

(Andy Serkis back in CGI-enveloped comfort) Renrsquos master is

stepping into the role of Palpatine as the guiding hand behindthe Orderrsquos despicable actions though wersquore offered no further

exposition in this film Maybe in two yearsSpeaking of Harrison Ford he returns hardened further by

time but with Chewbacca ever present at his side Star Wars teases the reveal of Ford Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill to

excellent effect As for their exact roles this reviewer wonrsquot spoil Force Awakens It bends to fan service on more than one occa-sion in both character reveal and script meaning that fans will

take a lot from it Those new to Star Wars will gloss over thesemoments however mdash and indeed if anyone has somehow man-

aged to remain buried in the sand the importance given to Fordet al will be entirely lost on them in terms of the filmrsquos terrible

handling of events between Return of the Jedi and nowAnd thatrsquos one of the more apparent issues with Force

Awakens For the most part the screenplay mdash by Lawrence

Kasdan Michael Arndt and JJ Abrams mdash hits the right notesTherersquos the grand operatic overtones the series has long been

known for It bounces between intimate storytelling and galaxy-

spanning interludes offers heart-pounding action sequencespeppered with jokes that are often laugh-out-loud funny and

delivers more than one punch to the gut mdash one of which is sureto set discussion sites and comment sections ablaze for weeks

after the filmrsquos release But therersquos also the sense that wersquove

seen all of this before Reyrsquos origin story Finnrsquos transition from

terrified escapee to stony hero the confrontations betweencharacters the set pieces the ending mdash which yoursquoll call from amile off because itrsquos basically A New Hope This may be a galaxy

far far away but wersquove been here before mdash it just wasnrsquot nearlyas polished

That polish comes courtesy of Abrams If the rebooting ofStar Trek was Abrams testing his handling of space-based actionStar Wars is the fruit of that effort Gone is the gimmickry that

bogged down the other space franchise with no lens flare fauxhandycam shots hyper-stylized contrasting or glossy filtering

Force Awakens was shot on film which perhaps aids the factthat it nails the gritty realism of the original trilogy Sure the

space sequences are CGI the set designers have more money to

play with and even the stormtroopers get fancy new costumesbut this is a universe that feels lived in Itrsquos been kicked around

therersquos a few scars a bit of dust Abrams largely steps out of theway instead confidently enabling the action the story the bat-

tles the conversations to step to the fore Lucasrsquo departure hasnrsquotbeen the audiencersquos loss mdash Abrams guides Force Awakens with

ease Itrsquos not a perfect transition into the modern era though mdashfor instance the real sets and puppets clash horribly with CGI

characters such as Maz Kanata a bar owner portrayed by LupitaNyongrsquoo whose clean digital appearance doesnrsquot mesh well

with the dirt-covered sweat-soaked actors around her

However though itrsquos easy to criticize Force Awakens itrsquosalso easy to adore it For its various foibles and the awkward

transition between old characters and new therersquos somethingundoubtedly exciting about this new trilogy of films This is Star

Wars returned reformed revitalized Itrsquos a trilogy for a newgeneration reintroducing a narrative that has long enthralled

young and old alike Every time I laughed at a reference every

time I saw a familiar face every time John Williamsrsquo gloriousscore swelled in my ears I couldnrsquot help but get sucked in by

it all No this isnrsquot a perfect film but for fans of the series thatwonrsquot matter Itrsquos more Star Wars mdash and this time therersquos no

shoehorned comic-relief characters or terrible child actors toruin proceedings The force is strong folks Really strong l

Star Wars The Force Awakens opens Friday Dec 18 in areatheaters Visit fandangocom

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36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3656

36 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Lukewarm

Coldplayrsquos latest mdash and potentiallylast mdash album A Head Full of Dreams

is another forgettably pleasant record

Now in their seventh album Coldplayrsquos dreamilydreary A Head Full of Dreams ( HHHHH ) is easy

listening mdash and easy to forget If rumors are to bebelieved about this being their swansong itrsquos a fit-

ting goodbyeNow that itrsquos clear the band have little to lose ldquoAdventure of a

Lifetimerdquo appears to signal the obligatory disco moment As eager

to please as this band always are on this song they rely on its nov-elty coasting on a breezy altitude rarely working up the muster

to truly soar mdash and given the list of add-ons this album has (Noel

Gallagher an American president a Swedish singer who co-wrote Hilary Duffrsquos latest hit single ldquoSparksrdquo a Destinyrsquos Child

and Katy Perry producer Stargate) one could imagine that giv-ing Kathy Sledge or Martha Wash a call wouldnrsquot have been too

much to ask for What it does feature is a predictable ldquowhoa-oh-oh-ohrdquo section mdash or should that be euphoric Coldplay trademark

Never ones to be accused of not branching out the ldquohilariousrdquo

video is an animated clip featuring monkeys getting on down tothe Chris Martin groove If that doesnrsquot sound convincing itrsquos

because it isnrsquotSimilarly fuelled ldquoBirdsrdquo leans heavier on the disorientated

psychedelic discord If one is unlikely to bang their feet in LASuite to this the mild rhythm shuffling creates a polite grace that

would at least bring U2rsquos Bono out in a cold sweat

Staying put at the disco ldquoA Head Full of Dreamsrdquo creates alush comforting sound thatrsquos almost at the expense of a distinc-

tive anthem of which is obviously being strived for Along withthe dazzling sonics the stargazing sense of wide-eyed wonder is

everything to be expected of ColdplayGiving the tireless epic humility a rest for a moment ldquoHymn

music

by GORDON ASHENHURST

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3756

37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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37METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

for the Weekendrdquo enlists RampBrsquosreigning queen Beyonce and casu-

ally turns out the albumrsquos under-

stated highlight If sick beats werea bit beyond the bandrsquos reper-

toire hand clapping is the not-as-embarrassing-as-it-sounds solu-

tion Beginning with a Bey acapella(harmonising with herself god love

her) itrsquos a false alarm as by andlarge she is more in the background

than Michelle Williams Morersquos the

pity she didnrsquot get to keep it for thatlong-overdue second Shakira duet

Opening with the educationalline ldquoWell they say people come

they say people gordquo ldquoEverglowrdquo islikely to be the albumrsquos conscious

uncoupling ballad (if you manage

to not fall asleep you will hear afairly innocuous vocal from none

other than Gwyneth herself) In spite of itself it somehowcomforts with wisdom and maturity that the sentimental lyrics

ultimately betrayOn the post-divorce rock ballad ldquoFunrdquo (featuring Tove Lo)

Martin whoa-ooh-oohs himself back to life Lo doesnrsquot offer muchspecial occasion to proceedings but the scientifically precise and

uplifting melody makes it sound like an obvious future single

ldquoArmy of Onerdquo supports a fuller sound utilizing elegiacguitar lines to lovely effect Softly undercutting the grandiosity

elsewhere itrsquos an anthem in disguise with an affirming melo-

dy that dances and haunts ldquoXMarks the Spotrdquo is an attempt at

sparse atmospheric RampB (ldquoyou

make my heart boo-boo-boo-boo-boomrdquo) but quickly opts

for a fade out as if all concernedwere too embarrassed to keep

goingOne thing Coldplay isnrsquot is

emotionally vague The scaled-back ldquoAmazing Dayrdquo is a wel-

come revocation of their earlier

material cutting to the samebone found on tracks such as

ldquoYellowrdquo and ldquoThe ScientistrdquoNoel Gallagher snatches his

paycheck providing guitar onalbum closer ldquoUp amp Uprdquo Itrsquos the

song Martin claims the band has

ldquowaited fifteen years to writerdquomdash and at seven minutes long

seemed initially to this humble writer that it would last anotherfifteen Itrsquos sentimental enough to serve as a credits roll on

a band that has made ldquonicerdquo a grand speciality Itrsquos a solid ifunspectacular curtain call

The soft rock torpor of A Head Full of Dreams is certainly not ahead full of original ideas and ultimately serves to spread the final

product thin If Coldplay is to be missed it wonrsquot be for this albuml

A Head Full of Dreams is available now to download and on CD

and Vinyl

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38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3856

38 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

Gifting theGourmands

Foodie gifts from spices andspiced coffee to petite cookiesand even do-it-yourself butter

THE HOLIDAYS ARENrsquoT JUST ABOUT CANDYcookies chocolate and way too much eggnog Here

are nine ideas both sweet and savory to satisfythe gourmands in your life whether given as gifts

Secret Santa in stockings or just displayed and eaten at parties

1 JONATHAN BARDZIKrsquoS SEASONS TO TASTE COOKBOOK

It may not have been the most high-profile of cookbooks to

come from local chefs this year mdash Grill Nation from David Guasof Bayou Bakery takes that crown mdash but the gay Bardzikrsquos sec-

ond self-published book subtitled Farm-Fresh Joy for Kitchen

amp Table is as attractive impressive and engaging as any otherand seemingly more practical for the average urban cook The

gorgeous plush 320-page hardcover book ($40) features 127recipes grouped by season peppered with humorous personal

insights and amusing anecdotes that inspire you to keep reading

until yoursquore ready to get cooking Once winter finally feels likewinter yoursquoll crave his Mushroomy Mushroom Soup Manchego

Serrano Souffle and Herb-Crusted Pork Chops with Parsnips Visit jonathanbardzikcom

2 HELLOFRESH THREE-MEAL BOX

The Berlin-based upstart HelloFresh like competitors BlueApron and Plated ships meal kits featuring fresh ingredients to

make several recipes (including one a week from British chefJamie Oliver starting in 2016) A week before Christmas itrsquos too

late to order a gift box mdash but you can purchase a gift card forthat someone in your life who likes to cook but is often unsure

about what to make It could be a great gift for your significantother or roommate and is sure to enhance social interac-

by DOUG RULE

food

5

62

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 3956

39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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39METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

tion as well as cooking skillsas roommates and guests help

prepare meals and then enjoy

the fruits of the labor togetherHelloFresh starts at $79 a week

for a Classic Box of three mealseasily feeding two per or $69

for a three-meal Veggie Box Visit hellofreshcom

3 TRY THE WORLD GIFT BOX mdash

Try The World is a New York-

based service offering gourmetpackaged food goods every

other month each curated boxrepresenting a different coun-

try or culture The most recentbox toasted Spain with reci-

pes for tapas using the boxrsquos

six ingredients including ElAvion smoked mild paprika El

Navarrico Salsa Tumaca conAjo and P Listo rose petals jam

(for a cava spritzer cocktail)As with HelloFresh itrsquos too late to gift a $39 box from Try The

World but you can purchase a gift certificate for the sameamount Visit trytheworldcom

4 LACONIKO OLIVE OIL mdash Olive oil may seem like a odd gift thoughone taste of the smooth buttery peppery oil and yoursquoll be a con-

vert Laconiko also sells 10 infused varieties as exotic as BlackTruffle Chives and Blood Orange At $2195 per 375ml bottle

itrsquos more expensive than the average mdash but because it is single-sourced and unblended Laconiko has a shelf life of more than

two years several times longer than the cheaper mostly blended

varieties yoursquoll find in the supermarket An especially giftable

selection of five flavored varieties runs $90 online at laconikocom Also available at area Ah Love Oil amp Vinegar stores

5 DEAN amp DELUCArsquoS FRENCH SPICE STACK mdash This ldquostackrdquo of fourspice blends includes savory ldquofines herbesrdquo (a blend of parsley

chives tarragon and chervil) and tarragon But the star attrac-tion naturellement is Herbes de Provence A special blend of flo-

ral earthy herbs including marjoram rosemary thyme oregano

and lavender Herbs de Provence is especially good for seasoningsteak prior to searing It can be hard to find the blend at local

grocery stores mdash even Whole Foods isnrsquot high-end enough itseems Naturellement one of the original high-end grocers with

a location in Georgetown that remains a destination for gour-mands is so savvy as to feature it among its gift baskets Mais oui

($25) Visit deandelucacom

6 ROARING BROOK DAIRY HOMEMADE BUTTER KIT mdash Everything

tastes better with butter though not just any butter Most store-bought varieties taste little better than ldquogreasy cardboardrdquo

as Jonathan Bardzik puts it Of course good butter such asBardzikrsquos preferred Amish grass-fed butter sold by Agora Farms

at Eastern Market is expensive Itrsquos also too perishable to gift Aslightly cheaper giftable alternative is this kit which makes for

a cool little science experiment perfect for a geeky mdash or at least

goofy mdash food-loving friend It requires shaking heavy creamfor 15 minutes to turn it into butter mdash unless you cheat and use

a mixer mdash and also produces a buttermilk that you can drink

The kit comes with a mini butter crock andbutter spreader plus packets of cinnamon

sugar and Herbes de Provence for making

herbed butter Glenrsquos Garden Markets inDupont Circle and Shaw carry the kit for

$1799 (organic heavy cream not included) Visit roaringbrookdairycom or glensgarden-

marketcom

7 TRADER JOErsquoS JOYOUS JOE COFFEE

ASSORTMENT mdash By this time of year plentyof people are turned off by anything spicedwith pumpkin or gingerbread But not all of

us If you canrsquot get enough of the seasonrsquosflavors pick up a 12-ounce can of flavored

coffee at Trader Joersquos rotating betweenPumpkin Spice Gingerbread and Wintry

Blend All are delicious though Gingerbread

has the edge given its veritable kick fromdried ginger root This year you can get all

at once with this assortment of 275 oz cansalso including the tingly Peppermint Mocha

with peppermint leaf and red peppercorn

Available for $12 at area stores including the14th St NW location Visit traderjoescom

8 CARLA HALL PETITE COOKIES mdash DC-based celebrity chef Carla

Hall known from her stints on Bravorsquos Top Chef and as co-hostof ABCrsquos The Chew offers

the perfect antidote tostandard-fare holiday

cookies which are gen-erally too large and too

sweet The cookies in her

collection are the size ofsugar cubes and are light

and airy Particularlynoteworthy is her divine

Black Forest Crinkle gt ablend of chocolate chips

cherries cocoa pow-der and vanilla extract

Other varieties include

Almond Ginger CherryShortbread Chocolate

Cinnamon Tea Cake andLemon Black Pepper

Shortbread A 6 oz plastic cube of Black Forest Crinkle costsonly $699 at Glenrsquos Garden Market locations Visit carlahall-

bakescom and glensgardenmarketcom

9 CREOLE CRINGLE CAKE FROM BAYOU BAKERY mdash Both the Arlington

and Capitol Hill locations of Bayou Bakery offer stocking stuffersfrom candied creole pecans ($10) to a trinity of pralines ($8) to a

ldquoheavenly hashrdquo of pecan and marshmallow fudge ($7) But themost interesting seasonal offering this year is chefproprietor

David Guasrsquo hybrid of the famous mass-produced King Cakefrom his native New Orleans Guas adds a little Kris Kringle

cheer to concoct a brioche-style cake topped with sugary brown

butter icing and stuffed with crumbled pralines and creolecream cheese There are 12 to 16 servings in each cake which

costs $3995 and must be individually ordered by Tuesday Dec22 at 1 pm for pick-up Dec 24 Visit bayoubakerydccom l

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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40 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

TechnologicallyGifted

Technology neednrsquot beimpersonal if you follow our

gift suggestions

A

S WE IN THE WEST GROW INCREASING-

ly detached from reality in drawing up ourChristmas wish lists technology is becoming an

ever present inclusion An often expensive way to

show someone you care the right gift can reap its rewards butwith so many options to choose from it can be a daunting pros-

pect From TVs to tablets smartphones to fitness trackers herersquosour suggestions for easy tech gifts this holiday season

TV

If you and your partner regularly struggle to see whatrsquos hap-pening during Netflix and chill mdash and not just because yoursquove

transitioned to ldquochillrdquo mdash then it might be time to surprise them

with a new TV

RECOMMENDED Vizio M-Series 43- to 80-inches $550 to $4000

mdash In terms of value versus performance therersquos really only one

option for buyers this year Viziorsquos M series received plauditsfrom CNET and Reviewedcom for its picture quality including

being the formerrsquos highest rated TV of the year It ticks mostfuture-proofing boxes super-thin LED 4K smart TV functions

available in a range of sizes Not bad for a brand most people still

havenrsquot heard of

MONEY NO OBJECT Samsung UN88JS9500 88-inches $20000mdash Therersquos something ludicrously extravagant about a curved

4K TV that costs as much as many cars mdash and isnrsquot particularlysmaller than some of them Only for those with the deepest of

pockets

SIMPLE UPGRADE If yoursquod rather not shell out thousands for anew set Googlersquos Chromecast ($35) and Applersquos TV ($149) pluginto a TV and improve its smarts in different ways Google uses

a smartphone as the remote pulling in content via the apps onthe phone Apple uses Siri and some hefty processing to run the

apps natively in its box as well as games and other content Ifsomeone you know keeps complaining about accessing Netflix

this is the gift for them

SMARTPHONES

An increasingly popular gift between family members and part-ners smartphones are an expensive but impactful way to show

tech

by RHUARIDH MARR

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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41METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

someone you care about how many selfies theyrsquore taking andhow often they ignore you to respond to a message

RECOMMENDED Apple iPhone 6S Plus $749 to $949 mdash The

smaller iPhone suffers from terrible battery life and a mediocrescreen so itrsquos the bigger brother that will be on most Christmas

lists If yoursquore shelling out for a phone as a gift chances are your

recipient will have asked for an iPhone above all else Thatrsquos theubiquity Apple enjoys

HONORABLE MENTION Google Nexus 6P $499 to $649 mdash

Unfortunately one of the yearrsquos best will likely get passed overthis holiday season After a few years of ldquoalmost thererdquo Google

finally nailed their flagship smartphone thanks to Chinese man-

ufacturer Huawei Constructed from high quality aluminum the6P is premium has one of the best cameras out there a beautiful

display accurate fingerprint scanner and a fast fluid and freshiteration of Android Itrsquos also an absolute steal

TABLET

An extremely popular gift during the holidays mdash many homes

have more than one tablet while their rock bottom prices meanexchanging them as gifts can be a tempting prospect

RECOMMENDED Amazon Fire HD 6- to 10-inches $79 to $179 mdash

If you have a friend loved one or relative who wants to streamvideo browse the internet and read books Amazonrsquos tablets are

a steal Theyrsquore not the fastest nor are their screens the bestbut for the price itrsquos hard to argue with what the retail giant has

accomplished Perfect for tech-averse people who need some-thing simple and cheap enough to make an easy gift

HONORABLE MENTION Apple iPad mini 4 $399 to $599 mdash It couldbe tempting to recommend the regular iPad or even the nonsen-

sical new iPad Pro but why bother The mini does it all with thesame dense screen fast processor fingerprint scanner and build

quality but in a more portable size Not the cheapest gift but aguaranteed winner

HOME

We all have that one geeky person whorsquos desperate to turn their

home into something from science-fiction Well with theseconnected home gifts you can help them achieve that goal for a

pretty reasonable price

RECOMMENDED Nest Thermostat $249 mdash Itrsquos pricey but Nestrsquosthird-generation thermostat is both a cool gift for tech addicts

and a nice way to help someone cut down on their fuel costsThe Nest learns your daily routine so that you neednrsquot adjust thethermostat ever again mdash it knows when yoursquore away how warm

you like it when you wake up and to switch the boiler on whenitrsquos cold for instance That means savings of ten to fifteen per-

cent on heating bills Even Scrooge would approve

HONORABLE MENTION SmartThings Hub $99 mdash The perfect

introduction to the modern connected home the SmartThingsHub is the central controller for everything in your home It will

connect to optional sensors to detect various functions aroundthe house Itrsquoll also work with other smart items such as Philipsrsquo

Hue smart bulbs Sonosrsquo speakers and the Ecobee thermostat to

offer granular control over every aspect of your home Thatrsquospretty cool

ACTIVITY TRACKER

With all the weight we put on over the holidays an activitytracker could be either an offensive slight to a relative who mis-

interprets your intentions or a treasured gift for someone seek-

ing to get more in tune with their body

RECOMMENDED Misfit Flash Link $20 mdash One of the cheapestways to track your fitness the Flash Link clips onto your clothes

and detects the various movements you engage in during yourday mdash including swimming as itrsquos fully water resistant It also

features a ldquosmart buttonrdquo Click the Flash Link and you can oper-ate functions on your phone such as music playback or shutter

control for the camera If you know someone who wants to get

fitter this is a low-risk way to help

MONEY NO OBJECT Withings Activiteacute $450 mdash Okay this is actu-ally a pretty ludicrous gift but if you know someone who goes

jogging in designer clothes and wouldnrsquot be caught dead with

a plastic fitness tracker this is the gift for them That or a sternlecture on reevaluating their priorities A Swiss-made watch

masquerading as a movement tracker

VR

Virtual Reality is going to be huge in the next couple of years

More immersive than 3D and almost as fun as actually goingoutside therersquos a number of ways to sample it

RECOMMENDED Google Cardboard Around $20 mdash Googlersquos solu-

tion is rudimentary at best but if you want to give someone

a cheap cheerful thrill this holiday season buy a Cardboardviewer (Google open-sourced the specs so a number of people

are making headsets) and grab an Android device or iPhone slotit in and get lost in some of the great apps built for it

HONORABLE MENTION Samsung Gear VR $99 mdash It only works

with Samsungrsquos 2015 flagships but the Gear VR is the most

robust way to currently experience VR without spending a fewhundred dollars If you know someone with a Galaxy S6 S6

Edge S6 Edge Plus or Note 5 this is a fun gift thatrsquos more than just a curio

EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE FORGETFUL Tile $25 mdash Perfect for those who are con-

stantly losing their keys wallet or any other such items Tile isa tiny power-efficient Bluetooth tracker that connects to your

phone to let you know where you left your stuff It works from100-feet away can help you find your phone by pressing a button

on the tile and even crowd-sources the hunt should you be outof range Really nifty

THIS IS THE DROID YOUrsquoRE LOOKING FOR BB-8 Droid $149 mdash One of

the highlights of Star Wars The Force Awakens was learning that

BB-8 the new spherical droid not only works and wasnrsquot CGIbut can be bought by you and me An expensive gift but if you

know anyone who loves Star Wars itrsquos a price worth paying forsome remote-control fun l

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 425642 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4356

NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4456

44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

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ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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NIGHT

LIFE

43METROWEEKLYCOM

983156

THURS 121715

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bullMusic videos featuringDJ Wess

ANNIErsquoSANNIErsquoS

UPSTAIRS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull LockerRoom Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull Menin jocks drink free rail anddomestic 8-10pm bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

LISTINGS

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

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53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4456

44 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4556

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Thursday bull DJ bull9pm bull Cover 21+

FRI 121815

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and Vodka

Martinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

All You Can Drink HappyHour bull $15 Rail andDomestic $21 Call ampImports 6-9pm bull GuysNight Out bull Free RailVodka 11pm-Midnight $6Belvedere Vodka Drinks allnight bull DJ MadScience

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

JRrsquoS

All You Can Drink for $155-8pm bull $3 Rail VodkaHighballs $2 JRrsquos drafts8pm-close bull ThrowbackThursday featuring rockpop retro hits

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Drag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

upstairs bull DJ Keenan Orrdownstairs bull $10 cover10pm-1am $5 after 1ambull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullFetish Fridays mdash $2 offall prices for guys in fetishgear 8-10pm bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long bull Friday NightVideos featuring VJ Treand the Boys of HUMP9pm-2am

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull $2 Skyy Highballsand $2 Drafts 10pm-midnight bull Retro Friday bull$5 Coronas $8 Vodka RedBulls 9pm-close

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailey bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

DC Bear Crue HappyHour 6-11pm bull $3 Rail$3 Draft $3 Bud Bottlesbull Free Pizza 7pm bull Nocover before 930pm bull21+ bull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull For

those 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancershosted by LaTroya Nicolebull Ladies of Ziegfeldrsquos9pm bull Rotating Hosts bullDJ in Secrets bull VJ Tre inZiegfeldrsquos bull Cover 21+

SAT 121915

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull $5 Absolutamp Titorsquos $3 Miller Liteafter 9pm bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull No

Cover bull Music videosfeaturing various DJs

COBALT30 DEGREES

Drag Yourself to Brunch atLevel One 11am-2pm and2-4pm bull Featuring KristinaKelly and the Ladies ofIllusion bull BottomlessMimosas and BloodyMarys bull Happy Hour$3 Miller Lite $4 Rail$5 Call 4-9pm bull Ladiesof LURe present BAREA Ladiesrsquo Night DanceParty 10pm-close bull Drinkspecials all night bull Doorsopen 10pm bull $7 coverbefore midnight $10 coverafter bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 4-6pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pm bullHappy Hour 8-10pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail andImport Bottle Beer $6Call bull Winter SolsticeBall presented by DC

45

983156

METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

scene

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

Mr amp Miss Cobalt 2016 Pageant

Monday December 7

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4656

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 12pm bullHappy Hour 12-8pm bull$2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bullBuffet 2-7pm mdash ldquoLikerdquo onFacebook for menu optionsbull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts all day and nightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Champagne Brunch Buffet10am-3pm bull Crazy Hour4-7pm bull Karaoke 8pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullMamarsquos Trailer Park

Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Sunday Funday bull LiquidBrunch bull Doors open at1pm bull $2 Coors Lights and$3 Skyy (all flavors) allday and night

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Drag Brunch hosted byShi-Queeta-Lee 11am-3pm bull $20 Brunch Buffetbull House Rail Drinks ZingZang Bloody Marys NellieBeer and Mimosas $411am-close bull Buckets ofBeer $15

NUMBER NINE

Pop Goes the World withWes Della Volla at 930pmbull Happy Hour 2 for 1 onany drink 3-9pm bull NoCover

ROCK HARD SUNDAYS

THE HOUSE

NIGHTCLUB

3530 Georgia Ave NWDiverse group of all male

all nude dancers bull Doorsopen 8pm bull Shows allnight until close startingat 830pm bull $5 DomesticBeer $6 Imports bull$10 cover bull For TableReservations 202-487-6646 bull rockharddccom

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullDecades of Dance bull DJTim-e in Secrets bull Doors9pm bull Cover 21+

MON 122115

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing movies

shows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis

46 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Men of Secrets 9pm bullGuest dancers bull Ladiesof Illusion with host EllaFitzgerald bull Doors at 9pm first show at 1130pm DJs bull Doors open8pm bull Cover 21+

SUN 122015

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

COBALT30 DEGREES

$4 Stoli Stoli flavorsand Miller Lite all day bull

Mid-Atlantic All-AmericanGoddess amp Mid-AtlanticAAG At-Large Pageant8pm bull HomowoodKaraoke 10pm-close bull NoCover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 2-6pm bulldcninecom

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Guest DJs bull Zing ZangBloody Marys Nellie BeerHouse Rail Drinks andMimosas $4 11am-5pm bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 3-9pm bull No Cover

TOWN

DJ Chord Bezerra 11pm-close bull Music and videodownstairs by DJ Wessbull Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull Doors open 10pm bull $12Cover bull 21+

TOWN PATIO

Open 10pm (entry throughTown) bull $12 Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 2pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

Leather Pride 8-11pmbull Co-hosted by The DCSisters and the ImperialCourt of Washington DCbull Donation at the doorbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Drag Queen BroadwayBrunch 10am-3pmbull Starring FreddiersquosBroadway Babes bull CrazyHour 4-7pm bull FreddiersquosFollies Drag Show8-10pm hosted by MissDestiny B Childs bull NoCover

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Bacardi all flavors allnight long bull 495 Bearspresents Bears Can Dance9pm-close bull No Cover

JRrsquoS

$4 Coors $5 VodkaHighballs $7 Vodka RedBulls

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4756

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Monday Nightrsquos A Draghosted by Kristina Kelly bull$50 Entry Fee bull $500 CashPrize bull Doors open at10pm bull $3 Skyy Cocktails$8 Skyy and Red Bull bull$8 Long Islands bull NoCover 18+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullHappy Hour 5-8pm bull$1 Bud and Bud LightDraughts bull Free Pool all

day and night bull MondayNight Football on BigScreens bull Men in jerseysget Happy Hour 8pm-closebull $2 Bud and Bud LightDraughts $3 DomesticBottles $4 Rail and ImportBottle Beer $6 Call bull NoCover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night longbull Michaelrsquos Open MicNight Karaoke 930pm-close

JRrsquoS

Happy Hour 2-for-14-9pm bull Showtunes Songsamp Singalongs 9pm-closebull DJ James bull $3 DraftPints 8pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Texas Holdrsquoem

Poker 8pm bull Dart Boards

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

TUES 122215

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull

$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull SIN Service IndustryNight bull $1 Rail Drinksall night

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

JRrsquoS

Birdie La Cage Show1030pm bull Underground(Indie PopAltBrit Rock)9pm-close bull DJ WesDella Volla bull 2-for-1 5pm-midnight

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Beat the Clock Happy Hourmdash $2 (5-6pm) $3 (6-7pm)$4 (7-8pm) bull Buckets ofBeer $15 bull Karaoke andDrag Bingo

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover bullSafe Word A Gay SpellingBee 8-11pm bull Prizes tothe top three spellers bullAfter 9pm $3 AbsolutBulleit amp Stella

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

WED 122315

9 12

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull MultipleTVs showing moviesshows sports bull Expandedcraft beer selection bull NoCover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Stella Artois $4 HouseWines $4 StolichnayaCocktails $4 Manhattansand Vodka Martinis

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $2 Rail $3Miller Lite $5 Call 4-9pmbull Wednesday NightKaraoke hosted by MissIndia Larelle Houston10pm-close bull $4 Stoli andStoli Flavors and MillerLite bull No Cover bull 21+

DC9

1940 9th St NWHappy Hour 5-8pm bulldcninecom

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bull $6Burgers bull Drag BingoNight hosted by MsRegina Jozet Adams 8pmbull Bingo prizes bull Karaoke10pm-1am

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour all night long4pm-close

47METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4856

TRADE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Eve

FRI 122515

9 12

Open at 5pm bull HappyHour 2 for 1 on any drink5-9pm bull Friday NightVideos with resident DJShea Van Horn bull VJ bullExpanded craft beer selec-tion bull No Cover

ANNIErsquoS

44 Happy Hour 4-7pm bull$4 Small Plates $4 StellaArtois $4 House Wines$4 Stolichnaya Cocktails

$4 Manhattans and VodkaMartinis bull Upstairs open5-11pm

COBALT30 DEGREES

Closed for Christmas Day

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 8pmbull Christmas Buffet8-10pm mdash Ham Turkeywith side dishes bull OpenBar 8-10pm mdash MerryChristmas bull No Coverbull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bull $5Smirnoff all flavors allnight long

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

DJ Matt Bailer bull VideosDancing bull Beat the ClockHappy Hour mdash $2 (5-6pm)

$3 (6-7pm) $4 (7-8pm) bullBuckets of Beer $15

NUMBER NINE

Open 5pm bull Happy Hour2 for 1 on any drink 5-9pmbull No Cover

TOWN

Drag Show starts at1030pm bull Hosted by LenaLett and featuring MissTatianna Shi-Queeta-LeeRiley Knoxx and BarsquoNakabull DJ Wess upstairs DJsBacK2bACk downstairs bullGoGo Boys after 11pm bullDoors open at 10pm bull Forthose 21 and over $10 bullFor those 18-20 $15 bull 18+

TOWN PATIO

Open 6pm bull No Coverbefore 10pm bull Cover after10pm (entry through Town)

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 6pm bull Huge

Happy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

Closed Christmas Day l

48 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

DC EAGLE

Doors open at 5pm bullOpen Bar 5-8pm mdash MerryChristmas bull $2 Bud andBud Light Draughts $3Domestic Bottles $4 Railand Import Bottle Beer$6 Call bull Santas in FetishGear drink free til midnightbull No Cover bull 21+

FREDDIErsquoS BEACH BAR

Crazy Hour 4-7pm bullKaraoke 8pm

GREEN LANTERN

Happy Hour 4-9pm bullLadies Drink Free PowerHour 4-5pm bull ShirtlessThursday 10-11pm bull DJsBacK2bACk

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

Closed Christmas Eve

NUMBER NINE

Closed Christmas Eve

ZIEGFELDrsquoSSECRETS

All male nude dancers bullShirtless Night 10-11pm12-1230am bull MilitaryNight no cover withmilitary ID bull DJ Don T inSecrets bull 9pm bull Cover21+

THURS 122415

9 12

Closed Christmas Eve

COBALT30 DEGREES

Happy Hour $6 CallMartini $3 Miller Lite$4 Rail $5 Call 4-9pmbull $3 Rail Drinks 10pm-midnight $5 Red BullGatorade and FrozenVirgin Drinks bull Locker

Room Thursday Nightsbull DJs Sean Morris andMadScience bull Ripped HotBody Contest at midnighthosted by Miss KristinaKelly and BarsquoNaka bull $200Cash Prize bull Doors open10pm 18+ bull $5 Coverunder 21 and free withcollege ID

JRrsquoS

Buy 1 Get 1 Free 4-9pmbull Trivia with MC Jay Ray8pm bull The Feud DragTrivia hosted by BarsquoNaka10-11pm with a $200prize bull $2 JRrsquos Drafts and$4 Vodka ($2 with CollegeID or JRrsquos Team Shirt)

NELLIErsquoS SPORTS BAR

SmartAss Trivia Night8pm and 9pm bull Prizesinclude bar tabs and tick-ets to shows at the 930Club bull $15 Buckets ofBeer for SmartAss Teamsonly bull Bring a new teammembers and each get afree $10 Dinner

NUMBER NINE

Happy Hour 2 for 1 on anydrink 5-9pm bull No Cover

TRADE

1410 14th St NWDoors open 5pm bull HugeHappy Hour Any drinknormally served in a cock-tail glass served in a hugeglass for the same price5-10pm bull Beer and wineonly $4

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 4956

49SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5056

50 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Crackrsquos Christmaswith the Campsat Town

Saturday December 5

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tagwith your

smartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5156

51METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5256

52 SEE MORE PHOTOS FROM THIS EVENT AT WWWMETROWEEKLYCOMSCENE

scene

Rock Hard Sunday atThe House Nightclub

Sunday December 13

PHOTOGRAPHY BY WARD MORRISON

scan this tag

with yoursmartphonefor bonus scene

pics online

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5356

53METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5456

ldquoEverything in society was against people of my generation coming out because

it was against the law to make loverdquo

mdashIAN MCKELLEN speaking with PBSrsquos Charlie Rose McKellen came out when he was 49 after the British government announced

plans to prohibit local authorities from promoting homosexuality ldquoA law was being passed I didnrsquot approve ofwhich disadvantaged gay people and thatrsquos when I came outrdquo he said

ldquoThe churchrsquos teachings on gay marriage are well known but the church also teaches us to

show tolerance for those with different

sexual orientationsrdquo

mdash Illinois Senator DICK DURBIN (D) in a letter to Pope Francis asking the Vatican to rebuke Cardinal Nicolas de Jesus Lopez Rodriguez of the Archdiocese of Santo Domingo for organizing a protest against openly gay US ambassador

James ldquoWallyrdquo Brewster ambassador to Santo Domingo

ldquoI promise to keep learningand to try to be more articulate in the futurerdquo

mdashCAITLYN JENNER in a WhoSay column written after comments she made in Times Magazine caused a backlash from the trans

community Jenner said that trans women who ldquolook like a man in a dress it makes people uncomfortablerdquo but clarified hercomments as ldquopeople who look lsquovisibly transgenderrsquo sometimes can struggle for acceptancerdquo

ldquoThis is who we areas a Christian universityrdquo

mdashCarson-Newman University president Dr RANDALL OrsquoBRIEN commenting on the Southern Baptist collegersquos proposed plans toban gay students under the vague description of those whose ldquolifestylesrdquo go against the private collegersquos beliefs

Christian Today reports

ldquoThere should be a lot more straight artists who

donrsquot have a problem with having gay fansrdquo

mdashNICK JONAS speaking with LrsquoUomo Vogue Jonas doesnrsquot consider himself a gay icon but noted that hersquos

ldquoreally proud to play gay characters and Irsquoll continue to do sordquo

54 DECEMBER 17 2015 METROWEEKLYCOM

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5556

55METROWEEKLYCOM DECEMBER 17 2015

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656

8202019 Metro Weekly - 12-17-15 - John Waters and Gift Guide

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullmetro-weekly-12-17-15-john-waters-and-gift-guide 5656