Metaphors Manual

8/13/2019 Metaphors Manual

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A Course inMetaphors

Volume 1 : Making Magic With Words Using Metaphors to CreateChange

Volume 2: Hypnotic Metaphors The Secret Code of Making MagicHappen with Words

Volume 3 : Hypnotic Metaphors of Attraction Stories that Generate aBurning Desire for Connection and Romantic Passion

Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.

Website: www.kevinhogan.com Always FREE articles on Influence & Persuasion, NLP, Hypnosis and

Creating Wealth!

2003 Kevin Hogan All Rights ReservedDuplication forbidden without express written permission from the author.
http://www.kevinhogan.com/http://www.kevinhogan.com/


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In Volume 2: Hypnotic Metaphors The Secret Code of Making Magic Happen with Words ,Kevin takes you through step by step on a metaphorical journey, so that in any situation in lifethat youre facing, youll be able to use this 10 min. metaphor and access your unconscious mindto find solutions to positive outcomes.

In addition to that, you will discover that there are cultural metaphors that allow us to map fromyour brain to my brain and that you can use them in communicating with other people and persuading other people. In this CD, Kevins going to show you what those are.

Each culture brings its own metaphors into its peoples lives and environments. Make sure youare aware of what those are and how it will affect their attitudes!

You learn how to help other people develop the strength to climb the mountain, to walk thelong road ahead of them. And when you realize thats how they are thinking of it, and you walkin their world, the metaphors you use trigger off the right neural pathways in their brain, andallow them to make the changes you suggest.

You will also learn:

Kevin is going to show you how to construct a metaphor piece by piece.

Once you have the right metaphors, you will find out once you have the right map, theirmap, you can show them the obvious solutions to problems because you will be able tocommunicate metaphorically with them, when, if you would have tried to communicateotherwise, your message would have been rejected outright.

Kevin shows you not only how to write a metaphor , but how to trigger those feelings thatyou want in real life to happen.

How to take past failures and reframe them with metaphors into successes so that you canshare them with yourself and others.

The core pieces of developing your metaphor.

Generally accepted symbols of metaphor, universally understood in the English culture.These are the symbols that will trigger off emotions in the other person.

The 6 Step Formula for constructing a metaphor.

What metaphors people respond best to.

How to use the metaphors people have that cause limited thinking and change them to positive outcomes.

Feature benefit: You get package inserts, which show the basic codes and symbols, foryour easy reference.

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In Volume 3: Hypnotic Metaphors of Attraction Stories that Generate a Burning Desire forConnection and Romantic Passion, K evin starts off by letting you experience his favoritemetaphor for success in any situation.

He invites you to use this metaphor for yourself and for creating and weaving stories for other people that will capture their attention and cause those people to look at you in a new light.

One of the key problems with attraction is that people want others to instantly be attracted tothem without being vulnerable to hearing no. In this metaphor, you will find out sub-consciously in the metaphor, how to send those feelings of rejections downstream, so that youare left powerful and confident to do those things that make others attracted to you.

You will discover a way to leave your fears, concerns, burdens and worries behind. This willmake you a more attractive person, as those fears and concerns wont show through in your

behavior.Kevin will take you on a journey:

Releasing fearsReleasing rejectionsLetting go of concerns you cant do anything aboutLearning what attracts others and how to have a sense of personal mastery

You also will learn:

As part of this incredibly detailed metaphor which you get to experience, Kevin will prepare an immune system for your mind and emotions so you will be able to easily takecontrol of each situation by preparing you to know how to respond, physically andmentally in any situation.

Kevin pre-programs chemistry into your next relationship, whether it be business or a personal relationship.

Kevin trains your unconscious mind to help other people fit, as they meet you, into yourkeyholes, so you have a more flexible and wider keyhole and others find you morefascinating and they will want you to be with them, enhancing your attractiveness.

Kevin takes you on a one-hour metaphor that will forever change your life as you listento this CD frequently to pre-program in your responses to what other people willcommunicate to you in your life.

This CD should be listened to once per month, to reinforce the subconscious neural pathwayscreated.

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So, not only are you going to get the incredibly powerful metaphor that will literally pre-programyour emotional and verbal response to all meaningful relationships in the future, you will learn tocreate metaphors, map into metaphors in other peoples brains, and trigger the emotions anddesires you want in their brain, not some random emotions.

You will know how to powerfully cause change after listening to others for only a few minutes.

Again, congratulations on your new program!

Danielle Hendrickswww.KevinHogan.com

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A Course in Metaphors Volume 1 : Making Magic With Words Using Metaphors to Create

ChangeAn advanced home study program in changing behavior, learning and reprogramming minds.

Who will benefit from this program ?TherapistsSalespeopleMarketing PeoplePeople in RelationshipsAnyone who needs to gain compliance in any situation

What you are going to learn in this course of utilizing metaphors includes almost all newinformation to you and is nothing like you have ever thought of or learned before. Better: Youregoing to see why most people teaching and using metaphor use are impotent (whether in selling,therapy or relationships) and how to avoid the same mistakes they make.

You learn by metaphors.You think in terms of pictorial metaphors.You literally determine your happiness (very much unconsciously) by metaphor.You determine your income by metaphor.You determine the quality of the person you spend your life with by metaphor.You determine the quality of that life by metaphor.

and you determine all that is in control in your futureby metaphor.

Ive never written about this before because when you get past the simplistic view of metaphorsas they are currently taught in the fields of hypnosis and NLP you can get into some waters thatare difficult to navigate. Im going to show you how metaphors work, how to reprogram yourmind or anyone elses with them and Im going to make it a fairly simple task. The most difficultmoment is now, because you are learning what metaphors are and how they work. Afterunderstanding is gained today, it becomes much easier!

People in different countries use different metaphors. In order to understand the metaphors you

use, the people on the receiving end need to have specialized knowledge of the information youutilize in your metaphors.

Metaphors require specialized knowledge.

Some familiar metaphors you or people you know might use:

I need to recharge my batteries .

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Looking out for #1.

Give me the green light.

He wants me to jump into bed with him on the project.

Hit the jackpot.

Ive been spinning so many plates lately.

I take the 5 th on this issue.

I wont spill the beans.

Shes easy on the eyes.

Ive come out of the closet.

My efforts were a drop in the bucket.

You got it right on the nose.

I drew first blood.

His crowning achievement was becoming Prime Minister.

A good car can cost an arm and a leg.

He stabbed me in the back.

Keep your chin up.

Take it on the chin.

Dont touch a hair on his head.

Strike a chord with someone.

Resonate with her.

He was a real Judas.

Its the gospel truth.

Skyrocket to the top.

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Out of pocket expenses.

You are a heretic.

Retreat back into your shell.

A friend Im very close to.

Where Do Metaphors Come From?

Metaphors commonly come from many different places such as, fighting, government, nature,the animal world, sports, etc. The number one source for short metaphors comes from the human

body or anatomy. (head of the house, eye of the needle, eyes are the window of the soul, by theskin of my teeth, on the tip of my tongue, shes won my heart, get a foothold) The number two

source is from the animal world. There is a cluster of other common sources: sports, food, drink,military/war/tactical, buildings, geographical locations, clothing, nautical objects, and religion.These are things that have been with us for thousands of years and are common to most of us andmost people around the world.

There are three basic kinds of metaphor short, mid-length, and the complete story metaphor.An example of the short metaphor is, Life is hell, or Life is a bowl of cherries.

The slightly longer, mid-term metaphors are those such as, Easy on the eyes and Jump startyour brain.

The complete story metaphor can be a play, a TV show, a story used to influence a group, aspeech, etc.

Metaphors should be universal in nature, and map precisely into a persons own viewpoint.

Metaphors can give us a new and simple map to tap into to help us remember what a person isattempting to communicate. The visual picture that is conjured up while saying something suchas, I drew first blood, enters into the subconscious for a more powerful message.

Metaphors are a powerful visual tool to tap into the subconscious mind.

The Different Ways We Learn

There are four ways we learn:

Experience (do it until you succeed) (learn from a model) Our explicit experience getsrecorded into implicit memory. (eating satiates your appetite) We also learn by other

peoples experience (seeing a speeding car get stopped by a state trooper)

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Memetics (through imitation or mimicking) The mother plays peek-a-boo with the child,the child mimics the behavior.

Stories (television, books, motion pictures, storytelling, oral traditions, religious beliefs)

Programming or fact-based teaching (school lessons, textbooks, college courses,memorization, what were told over and over)

Metaphors have a part in all of the above.

XYZ Metaphor Format

X is the Y of Z.Necessity is the mother of invention.

Elvis is the King of rock and roll.

Tiger Woods is the Michael Jordan of golf.

James Brown is the godfather of soul.

EXERCISE : Write down 30 XYZ metaphors.

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Metaphors Shape and Rewire the Brain

Metaphors literally shape the brain and they literally determine in large part your view of theworld and everything about that world, past, present and future.

Lets see what I mean with an example:

The Pope is the Father of the Church.

The Pope is the Father. That means that if I am Catholic then I must be a child or descendant ofsome kind of the Pope. THAT means that I have certain attitudes toward parents and the church,which are probably correlated. I may rebel against both or I may be subservient to both.

In your brain there are many associations about the Pope. Perhaps they might be:

Infallible,old man,the boss,speaks for God,tells people how to live.

That picture might look like this at is currently wired in the brain:

Infallible|

Speaks for God----Pope---- Old man/\

/ \/ Speaks for God

Tells People how to live /

(Were pretending that there are five immediate responses to the word Pope in the unconsciousmind. There are probably more including powerful emotions.)

In your brain there are many associations about Father. Perhaps they might be:Provider (or not) for the family,Role model,someone to obey,someone to help you when you really need it, the boss,he doesnt understand,tells me what to do,loves you.

In your brain there are many associations about the Church. Perhaps they might be:

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A building,a place that is boring,the flock,confession for absolution,

priest,

Gods house,communion.

Now. With all of the immediate links to the thoughtforms of Pope, Father and Church you canmake some assumptions.

You could guess that Pope and Father have some similarities and some and some areas thatdont seem to overlap. Both tell you what to do. Depending on all of the rest of your

programming in your brain, telling you what to do could be a stimulus for behaving orrebelling (or some mixture of both). One thing is certain, you have no idea without knowing a lotmore information.

KEY POINT ! If you were to use a metaphor like this with someone and not know what their programming was or you didnt lay down programming in their mind before using this metaphor,you will have successfully used a metaphor that could get you the exact oppositeresponse/behavior of what you are hoping to achieve.

You must discover what a person has been primed (predisposed) to respond to prior to utilizingmetaphor.

The balance of the metaphor is the Church, and the Popes relationship to it, as father. The samekind of mind map (which is more than a metaphor for what is happening in the brain) can bedrawn here.

Your unconscious responses to Father and Church will directly determine your response to thePopes communiqu and it will also change your pictures of all three of those stimuli for thefuture. (If you would rebel against your Father, you would be more likely to rebel against thePope and more likely to find the Church less appealing, though you MAY find it just as familylike. Make sense?)

The metaphor, The Pope is the Father of the Church is trying to borrow the power of youractual feelings toward your literal Father to create allegiance to the Church. In the days whenFathers were obeyed, not questioned and blindly followed, this was a good strategy for blindobedience to the Church. However in 2003, Fathers more often than not do not have the samedominant power with and over their children. In a large minority of families, the Father doesnteven play a role.

Is it any wonder the churchs influence wanes today even as the definition of family is beingredefined each decade? Perhaps a coincidence. Perhaps support that culture has its ownmetaphors that we adopt without thought

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George Washington is the Father of our Country.

(If you live in Poland, Singapore or Great Britainor anywhere other than the United States,you might wonder what the heck Im saying here! Bear with me.)

George Washington was the first President of the United States. In the same way the Churchwants your allegiance the country/government, for many reasons, wants and needs yourallegiance.

The need for obedience, devotion, and support again is wrapped up in the Father metaphor.Again, in 2003, we have a plethora of experiences to rebel against the wishes of the Father, and,at the same time, when the chips are down (9/11) we act like a family.

George Washington of course is analogous (read that as metaphorical) to all the other Presidents(in many peoples minds) and therefore the metaphor (may or may not) be useful for creating thedesired response in someones mind in creating allegiance, loyalty and devotion to the country.

In a time of high patriotism, the Father of the country can have great and potentially powerfulimpact. The effect of such a halo can positively impact the other Fathers in a country. Literally,someones Father is often seen in a better light because the Father of the country (or the Father inthe church) is positively experienced. In a time of scandal, the Father of the country can call intoaccount the potential misbehavior (real or imagined) of Fathers throughout a nation. In otherwords when the President takes part in scandalous behavior, other men who are Fathers(including parents, husbands and priests) will often unwittingly be seen as scandalous.

It seems odd at first glance that you might view your Father differently depending on how youview the President or the Pope, but it is critical to understand that is precisely how the brain iswired.

The Ultimate Example: If your Father was someone you didnt like or respect, you can assumethat the Father of your children will be literally wired into that same network sabotaging afamily. The subtle intricacies of the mind are absolutely mind boggling and until you understandthe almost instantaneous connections that happen in the brain, you can perceive and misperceiveneutral stimulus as a prime for extreme positive or extreme negative beliefs.

Indeed, if this was your Father, and you are a Father, you will have to fight to reconstructopinions about yourself so you do not replicate those behaviors.

When you take the time to determine how metaphors integrate into our lives, you canchange the way you look at yourself, how you think, and how you respond in certain situations,

because of the metaphors in your brain, and how experience filters through those pathways in the brain.

You can utilize metaphors to change they way you yourself think, and also to assist others in the process of change. This is a fore-taste of all that will be upcoming in this Course in Metaphors. Ilook forward to talking with you again in the next CD.

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Volume 2: Hypnotic Metaphors The Secret Code of Making MagicHappen with Words

Secret Codes and Meanings of Symbols

Do you remember the character the Riddler from the Batman series back in the 1960s? The brilliant actor Frank Gorshin played the character. Gorshin was a master impressionist, and couldimpersonate almost anyone. You may also remember that Gorshin played a pair of characters ona special episode of Star Trek in the 60s. On the show, Gorshin portrayed an alien who was half

black/half white. His character was painted heavily with make-up, and on half his body, he was black. On the other half of his body, the make-up was white. The twist was that he playedanother alien in the same show who was half white/half black. What, you say? Isnt that the same

thing? The show was a metaphor for the civil rights movement and race relations in the 60s, andhow blacks were beginning to integrate into society in so many ways. It brought out how foolishthe idea of racism was. The show taught the simple concept beautifully. It brought out the simplelogic of the concept. Metaphor can be a powerful tool in its simplicity and clarity.

What is a Metaphor?

A metaphor is a story that utilizes symbolism to convey a message to another person so that theycan experience a situation differently than they currently are. Symbolism is used in many ways toconvey meaning.

Symbolic MeaningJust about everything symbolizes something.

A home symbolizes stability.An apartment symbolizes a temporary dwelling.A farm is a lifetime dwelling.

A farm could really be a temporary residence but as we develop categories of understanding inlife we know that some things symbolize other things, thoughts or ideas.

Fit the Message to the Receiver

Metaphors can be most effective when the person listening (or group) understands the metaphor.Telling an American audience a lengthy metaphor about a day in the life of someone who livesin the Ukraine or wildlife Rwanda is going to be utterly useless in communicating the message toget the desired outcome.

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Some are very individual.

Elvis used to give a TCB (Taking Care of Business) or TLC (Tender Loving Care)necklace to the men and women he considered his friends.A mizpah between two friends or lovers.

6-Step Formula for Constructing a Metaphor

Life is a journey

What happens on a journey.Good timesBad timesTough timesEasy timesYou finish and win

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Nature

Most people respond well to metaphors of nature.

Mountains : Challenges. Difficult tasks. Easier to trip going down than up. Can slip.

Hills : Not as challenging as a mountain. Easier to climb a hill than a mountain. Prepare.

Water Fall . Incredible force. Powerless against. Beautiful power.

Streams : Shallow, narrow, can see the bottom usually.

River : Wider, deeper. More difficult to see the bottom, except near shore. Stronger current.

Rapids : Deep narrow or wide, fast, danger, risk, uncertainty.

Lakes : Calmer. Fish. Boats.

Ocean : Deepest, most profound, largest wild life, greatest challenges, difficult survival.

Waves : Can bring good and/or cause difficulties. Can batter or can ride the wave.

Fish : Food for all.

Grass : Thick, green, thin, sparse, cared for, untended, natural.

Weeds : Take over the grasses, squeeze out the grass/flowers, deep roots, useless to cut.

Paths : Someone has walked this way before! Oft, rarely traversed, beginning/end.

Undercurrent : Unpredictable current that will take you back to the water in ocean/river.

Flowers : Beautify. Bees pollenate. Decorative. Welcome.

Sun: Source of life for our planet. Warms us. Optimism.

Moon : Even at night a light. When its dark there is still light.

Stars : Millions of suns. You arent alone.

Mars : Anger, Men.

Venus : Sensuality, Women.

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Wind : Cools, warms, deters, helps move along, bitter, blows the leaves, moves trees.

Sea Air : Salty.

Warmth : Safe, secure, comfortable.

Cool : Refreshing, relieving.

Too Hot : Intense. Temper, anger.

Too Cold : Frozen, frigid, rigid.

Snow: Beautiful white/pure. More difficult to walk.

Rain : Brings life. Makes difficult travel. Necessary as sun for plant growth.

Storm : Random events. Natures most difficult.Trees : Deep roots, provide shade, green.

Leaves : Change color, fall, provide shade in summer.

Forest : Unknown. Difficult to find way through. Secluded, not traveled much. Quiet.

Parting Clouds : Change.

Urban/Suburban

Lexus/Mercedes/BMW : Luxury cars, they make a statement that I have wealth or wish

Honda Accord/Toyota Camry : I am conservative. Get the most for my buck.

Adult on Bike : Energy Conscious, Environmentally Conscious.

Walk : Relaxed, calm.

Bus: Lower income transportation.

Highways : Here to there quickly.

Back roads : Slow, scenic, rough road, little traveled.

Skyscraper : Symbolizes wealth, freedom, capitalism.

Statue of Liberty : Freedom.

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Pentagon : Defense. The nations security.

Fire hydrant : Always there to put out the fires.

Police : Your conscience to keep you in line and protect you against evil.

Pyramid : Mystery on a grand scale.

Ways to get information.

BookScrollsTabletTelevision

Computer ScreenDreamMagical/fantasy figureAngelAnimal

LightBirds fly freeCalmRockDoor

Feelings

FearDepressedAnxiousWorriedExcitedJoyousRaptureDisgust

ContemptIrritatedFrustratedAnnoyedIrkedHappyLoveHate

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AngerSensualCalmContentAt Peace

Concerned

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Construct a Metaphor

You find yourself in a meadow. A meadow is a nice place to be, the grass is long, the flowers are beautiful today. And over there, you see a stream, and it is moving in the direction of an area thatis obscured by the trees, you dont know quite where it is leading to. But, as you sit here in thismeadow, wondering what you should do, whether its with your life or anything else, you decidethat you will go to the stream, walk along the stream and as you start to walk along the stream,you find yourself enjoying it. Its calming, it makes you feel good. And you come to this areawhere the stream sort of turns into a lake. Its calmer, its quiet, and its warmer. And right at theend of this beach is a big rock. Twenty feet high. Huge.

And, you actually feel drawn to this rock, its almost as if it is welcoming you. And you take offyour shoes and socks if you have them on, and you leave them on the beach there. And you walkout in to the water, pulling your pants up a little bit. Going around the rock, onto the beach on theother side. And you notice there is a door into the rock. You walk into the rock. And as you walkinto the rock and close the door behind you, you see that its still light inside the rock. And youknow that thats not possible because the rock is solid. There is not sunlight, and yet it is light inhere. As you walk into the rock you feel welcomed and you feel comfortable in here you feelgood. And you look over at what appears to be a wall. A wall of safety deposit boxes. And youlook on that wall and you know what they are. You see a key in each of the boxes and you knowsomehow at some unconscious level, that you can take as many worries and difficulties as youhave and place them into the safety deposit boxes and pull out as many keys as you want afterlocking the problems in these boxes. And they are secure and safe there.

And each of these keys, these gold keys, comes on a ribbon, which you can put around yourneck. Because you hold the keys to your problems, dont you? As youve taken off as many

problems, and worries and concerns that you have, you put the keys around your neck, realizingthat you hold the keys to your problems. And you walk into the rock, into what seems to be along hallway. As you walk into the hallway, its lit all the way down.

There are doors on each side of the hallway. Several doors. Some of the doors are numbered,some have letters. One door has neither. And this time, because you can come back hereanytime you want, you open up the door that has neither letters nor numbers, and you walk in.

And because you feel comfortable in this room, which is lit fairly well, you close the door behindyou. And theres a bench over there in the corner. And you sit on the bench and it isnt long

before you see what appears to be a person almost magically, holographically coming toward

you in the room. And this person is going to give you something like a scroll or a tablet of paper,or a book. And they are going to ask you to read this scroll, tablet of paper or book, so you canlearn something that you already know deep inside of you about whats important for you to doon your journey. That life journey of yours. And as this magical figure, this person, hands youthis most appreciated gift, you look down at the gift and you see what you are supposed to see.The person smiles at you, and walks away, and slowly disappears into the wall, almost as if theywalked through the wall.

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You ponder the information on the piece of paper or the scroll, the book. And you think aboutwhat it means to you and your life and how important it is that you do that. And you may realizethat that is what you will do. And the next time you come back into this room, youll see if youcan get some confirming information, from someone else, perhaps. But for now, you feel goodinside. You feel as if you have a sense of direction and a sense of confidence building inside.

So you exit the room, closing the door behind you, leaving everything as it was. Coming backout the hallway, looking at all the doors as you walk. Some have numbers, some have letters.And now you see that some have symbols on them. And these are all doors that you will enter inthe future, when you come back here and need help. And as you come up to the main entrance ofthe rock, you look and you see the safety deposit boxes, and you feel the keys around your neckand you take off a couple of the ribbons, open up some of the boxes and take some of the

problems, worries and concerns and put them back into you. And you decide not to take all ofthem. And instead, leave those keys on a hanger, which is right by the door and will be therewhen you leave. When you leave you make sure that those keys are secure there, and they are.And you feel a little bit lighter as you walk out from the rock into the sunshine and you see the

beautiful lake, you walk out into the lake a little bit around the rock onto the beach on the otherside.

And theres your socks and shoes waiting for you. You put them on, you put your hand upagainst the rock, and it radiates warmth and comfort to you. And it makes you feel good inside.And somehow you know the rock represents and symbolizes you and all the knowledge andwisdom you have and as you ponder that thought, you walk along the stream, back to themeadow, sitting down on a big rock, not as big as the one you took a tour of, perhaps a few feetwide and a couple of feet tall, rounded, as your feet dry off. And you look off the other way andyou see a mountain. And you wonder if what you saw in the rock was the beginning of the

journey to the mountain.

This is a 10-minute metaphor. Generally a therapeutic metaphor session should be ideally be 45,55, 65 minutes. For a sales presentation, it will be shorter.

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EXERCISE : Look at the categories and symbols presented in this manual. Write down thesymbols you recognized that were used in the sample metaphor.

Tools Used:

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

EXERCISE : Write a thirty-minute metaphor. Use as many of the tools presented here as you areable. You will need several sheets of paper.

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Volume 3 : Hypnotic Metaphors of Attraction Stories that Generate aBurning Desire for Connection and Romantic Passion

The next time your client wants to know what to do to be heard as more attractive, interesting,likable, sensual, and even a bit enticing, this is the CD that you can use to either let him/her listento in session or you can use it is a template to weave powerful metaphors for connection andattraction.

Two of the 16 core drives of human behavior are for connection (as in friends and community)and sex (including romantic affection). These two behavioral drivers can be effectively woveninto the fabric of powerful metaphors to help anyone master their confidence when talking withothers. The first metaphor is fairly lengthy and is designed to unhook the most common fearsof connecting with others while injecting the fuel of unconscious confidence and certainty intothe client for communicating with anyone they might be attracted to. This metaphor is one theclient can listen to in your office or home.

The other two metaphors are stories that the client can utilize when talking to that specialsomeone. One metaphor is to be utilized the first time two people meet. The second story is onethat is to be used when the person asks for a lunch/dinner/date commitment. These are actualvery short metaphorical stories they can use in actual interaction.

Goals:

Unhook fearsInstall confidenceInstall certaintyDeal with RejectionCommunicate clearlyMaintain eye contact and stand correctly

Build confidence for connecting and sex.Remember past strengths of asking and getting. Time-line them to the present.Experience asking and failing. Time-line them to the present.Rehearse Pictures of failing and feeling ok.Rehearse Pictures of succeeding and feeling ok

Components of the Metaphor:

Climb the mountain=tenacityDifficult path

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MeadowMountainRockCome to rock of enlightenmentRoom 6 the special room

Close eyesHears strong voice. People are insecure because they havent determined what all they have toshare with others. Their skills, talents, love, caring, providing, nurturing, richness, all that they

bring to a connection

Tells the person that there are numerous kinds of people theyd like to have in their life and inorder for them to appear, we must know who they are first. Then we must experience acceptanceand denial for the experience to be real. Meanwhile, whether the person can accept you or mustdeny time with you, you must be likeable, likeable as a fresh cool breeze on a warm day toeveryone.

Sincere interest in others looking your best, smiles, lean forward, open posture, vulnerable, eyesdirect, air of confidence and not arrogance, yet enough insecurity to be real. Knowing that nosometimes means yes at a later date and that sometimes no means no forever because ofsomething out of your control.

1st person, what they look like, face, neck, hair, eyes, nose, ears, body, their background, howthey may have been treated in previous relationships, what they do for a living, career, job,2nd person,3 rd person,4th person5th personetc.

Asking for connection. Not a lifetime, just a connection.Random responses. Y/N/Y/N/Y/N etc.The room of meeting. Similar to a hologram.Get whatever fears are left or needed to bring with.Exit rock.Feeling more confident and certain yet wondering what the future may hold.Return from the rock.

Sees someone on the way back, they arent on the same path but a parallel path.you shout overto them and ask them to walk with you.

They say yes.

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HYPNOTIC METAPHOR FOR ATTRACTION

Allow yourself to sit down, relax. Allow yourself to get just as comfortable as you possibly can,right there. Move around until youre all set, and just allow yourself to relax, and just enjoy

being for a little while. All set? Great.

What I want you to do is close your eyes. As you close your eyes, I want you to feel yourself breathing. Hear yourself breathing. Breathing calmly, normally. And allow your mind to wrapitself around my voice. And today I want you to take a trip with me. It begins in a beautifulmeadow.

Its a warm day, with a cool breeze. The sun is out. It feels good. And somehow you feelcomfortable sitting in a meadow. As you look that way you notice that there is a mountain. Itstall. Not the tallest mountain youve ever seen, but its big.

As you look the other way you see a stream that leads in a direction that is not toward themountain, but the other way. You decide that today youre going to climb a mountain. You getup off of your rock, or off of the ground, the grass, where you were sitting. And at a leisurely

pace, you move toward the base of this mountain. You have no backpack, no water supply, nofood, nothing. Just trust. And you find a path, and of course a path means that, someone has beenthis way before. A path means that someone has climbed here before. And you intuitively knowthat and it makes you feel good and comfortable inside. And you follow the path. As you get onthe path, you begin to climb up the left side of the mountain. The path is fairly narrow in places,and theres lots of trees that almost overcome the path at times. And certainly a lot of brush. The

path was certainly used a lot more often some time ago than it is, or has been used recently. Andas you climb you notice that sometimes this path goes through trees where they are very, verydense. You look up and you can barely see the sunlight filtering through the branches. But, it is

beautiful, very, very beautiful, inviting, and a little scary. And you walk.

Pretty soon, you see a stick. Six feet in height, perfect to be used as a walking stick. And youfind its nice to use this stick as a walking stick. Sometimes it makes it nice and a little easier to

pull yourself up at a difficult point on the climb. You hear birds in the background, sometimesthose annoying insects. But most of the time you hear birds. And sometimes quiet. And it feelscomforting to know that that path is there. That this is the way that somebody has walked before.It is definitely not grassy on the path. It is a dirt path that has been run over many times.

You turn around the back side of the mountain and it gets steep and you are able to continue toclimb and you trip and you scrape your knee, your left knee, and it stings. And you wonder if itsreally worth continuing. And you look down, and youve got tinges of red on your knee, and youthink, you know, youre going to do it anyway. And you get back up, scrape off the dirt and youstart to walk higher. And you actually have to do a little bit of climbing. You dont notice theknee hurting quite as much. You continue to climb and go higher. And you find that as you pauseon a very safe ledge, of perhaps 8-12 feet, you look out, and it is absolutely breathtaking. Youcan see that other people, over the years, had stopped here as well, because theres sort of a littledirt area with rocks. It may have even been used to cook something here, but, whatever, its

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beautiful. And you look out and you can see theres a river that just seems to go forever in onedirection. And it seems to come from a little lake or a pond in the other direction. And you cansee a town way over there on the other side. Theres lots of roads. Lots of roads. You see theroads that lead to another city faroff, and theres roads that seem to lead into rural areas. Andthen theres roads that seem to lead into villages and possibly small towns. And you wonder

what that means on your path, your journey today.

And as you ponder those possibilities, you appreciate the fact that you have come this far up themountain. As you look down you have definitely come up a long way. As you look up, yourealize theres a long way to go to the top.

But, theres no rule that says you have to go to the top today. After appreciating the beauty of theriver, you see the meadow where you started, a village, a rural area. And far, far off, on the otherside, a city that many roads lead to. You have appreciated this point, this overlook, and it feelsgood that youve stopped and rested. Your knees feeling better now. You hardly even noticed it.And you decide to continue. And as you walk you hear the sound of running water and you

continue to walk up the path and just as you turn to the right looking through some trees you seea little waterfall. A very tiny little waterfall, almost something like you might see at Yellowstoneor Yosemite or one of those beautiful parks, and its only a little 2 foot wide fall, and you go overto it, and you can put your hands right in it. And you put your hands in there. And the water iscold. And you take some of the water and you rub your knee, and you get the rest of the dirt offyour knee. And you put your hands back into the water. You cup them together and you takesome water and you drink and it tastes so good. Mountain water really is, that stream, thatmountain stream type of water is tasty, it tastes good. Its refreshing. And there is a little pathhere. You feel refreshed and you feel good, happy. Almost like the water is an elixir of somekind and you remember where this place is. And you mark it in your memory and you turn andyou get back on the path and you begin to climb again.

And as you begin to climb, you think of the reasons for this journey as you go higher, and higherand higher. You ascend up the mountain using your stick to steady yourself at times,occasionally looking out through the trees, occasionally pausing at an overlook, but really,simply climbing, higher and higher, realizing that this journey really is a journey. That therereally is something to it, its not just as easy as it seems. And feeling good about it all at the sametime.

And as you turn, and you take another right, because thats what this path does, as it takes right,after right, after right, going up the mountain in a circular fashion. You find yourself staring rightat a huge boulder, 10 feet tall, 5 feet wide, and its standing right on its end. Its not laying onits wide end. The tall end is in the air, almost impossible that that could be the case. And theresa shadow behind the rock and its almost inviting you to come and look. And it goes into themountain. And you have come this far. And you almost shrug your shoulders as if someone wasthere to see you shrug your shoulders. And you walk carefully, no doubt, but surely, into theshadow behind the rock. And the last thing that you see before you go into this very welcoming,comfortable, and a little bit mysterious rock, is that as you look up into where youre walking,you notice that its all dark. But, you can see the light behind you. And as you walk it becomesdarker. Youve come behind the rock, and then, impossibly, theres a door, with a door handle.

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And you realize that you have been invited here. You put your stick into your right hand, andyou hold it a little tighter than you probably normally would. With your left hand, you slowlyreach out and take the handle into your hand, and you open it. And inside, its light. Now thatsnot possible. But you go inside and the door quietly closes behind you. And what may have

caused fear, about a day ago, creates a stir of excitement, today. And the first thing you notice onthe left hand side of this room that youre in, is that its illuminated but theres no light. Theresno windows, theres no place for the sun to creep in, theres no lamps, theres no lightbulbs, nofires, but its illuminated. Now of course you know thats not possible. But it clearly isilluminated.

And on the left side you notice that theres what looks like a coat hanger. A coat hanger. Andthen there is a huge array of boxes, almost like mailboxes that you would see at a post office.Some are big, and some are small. And they all have golden or silver keys in the boxes in locks.And around each of the heads of the key, you see there is a ribbon, a long ribbon, perhaps threeor four feet. And so, you look at this entire wall, and theres a wall of boxes like safety deposit

boxes, or mailboxes, all having keys. And, intuitively you know, that this is where you will leaveyour fears, concerns, burdens, and worries for some period of time. The first thing you do is yougo over to one of the bigger boxes at the bottom, and its big. And you open it, and you take thekey with the ribbon around it, and you place the ribbon around your neck, and it hangs like anecklace, pretty far down, too. Almost around your belly button is where the key rests. And you

put into this box, a great deal of trouble. You take out worries, and fears and concerns, anxieties.You just put them right in the box, and you close the door on the box, checking to make sure thatits locked, and it is. And you know that this key goes to that box.

And then you take a key out of the box right above it, which is a medium size box. It has ashorter ribbon. And you open the box and you take out different kinds of anxieties and worriesand fears that you have and you place them in this box. And then you take the ribbon and you putit around your neck and this key hangs down not quite to your belly button, but comes just aboutto your solar plexus, right there at the bottom of the rib cage.

And then you pick one more box, this ones pretty high up. And you open it, and you take outsome small worries, small concerns, small fears, and you place them in this little tiny box. Andyou close the door and you lock it. And you take the smaller ribbon with this key and you put itaround your neck. And this key rests down on your chest. And you look around and theresnothing here, but the coat rack. Which, by the way, now that you look at it, has ribbons on someof the rungs. In fact, one of the rungs on the coat rack has, my goodness, there must be fifteen orsixteen ribbons with keys hanging there. Every key having initials on it. You find that ratherstrange. Oh well, maybe somebody forgot their keys, whoevers been here. And you turn, andyou feel light inside, you feel good. Not only is it light inside of you its light on the outside, andas you look you see theres this long hallway. And you know its funny because youve been byyourself now this whole time and normally you would feel perhaps lonely or alone, wishing youhad company. But you havent felt that because this has been such an extraordinary andincredible day of climbing the mountain and finding this mysterious place. An adventure.

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And you see this hallway, and as you look down this hallway its very very long. Its notilluminated as brightly as this little entrance area is here, and it is the only hallway, and it goesstraight, a straight line. And you walk at a slow pace, examining the hallway as you enter into it.And you turn around, just to make sure that youre not dreaming this whole thing, and sureenough, theres the boxes in the illuminated area. Little ones, medium ones, big ones. You see

the coat rack with those ribbons with keys on them. Yeah, youre here. You turn back around andyou look down the hallway. You would swear that this hallway goes three blocks, three city blocks. And you start to recognize a pattern that emerges and it reminds you of being in a hotelwhere theres doors on every twenty feet or so. And sure enough thats what there is, theresdoors. You come up to the first door. Oddly enough, its door one. Theres nothing attractive orinteresting about this door, and you walk past it.

And on the other side and about 15 feet, theres door two. Now whats really interesting is thatthis shouldnt be here because you were walking on a dirt path in a mountain that youve comeinto a rock, into a door, and this cant be here. Yet, it is. Theres door three on the left. You donthave any interest in trying to open that door. Door four, on the right. Its a little bit brighter now

in this part of the hall. Not much, a little bit. Theres door five on the left. You walk past it andhere comes door six. As you look at this door, the handle is a bright shiny brass. All the otherdoors were just, nothing, they werent bright, there was nothing inviting about them, but this isdoor six. And it obviously has beckoned you to come in. Theres a keyhole, but your keys areway too small for this one. And you know that this is where you are to go in, but you have noidea how to get in. You take your hand and you put it down on the door handle, and it opens.Well, there you go, thats what you should have thought. Youre always wondering, wheres thekey? Well the key was that the door wasnt locked. Whod have figured that?

You walk in and its only slightly illuminated, its hard to see and your eyes are adjusting. Thedoor behind you clicks closed, youre not afraid, though. You think thats kind of funny though

because yesterday you would have been afraid. But today you just feel as if youre on a bit of anadventure. Oh, sure, your hearts beating a little bit quicker, but youre more excited thananything else.

And then you see. Theres a chair against a little table, almost like a desk. On the other side overthere in the corner is what appears to be a place to sleep. Not much of aits not even a bed, itslike a rock that just extends out thats flat. And then theres a rock that appears as if its there tosit on. And then over there on the left side, theres what looks like a crate, beckoning you tocome over there and you do. And you go, and you sit there, and you close your eyes. And youdont know why you close your eyes, but you do, you close your eyes because youre not afraid.And you hear a voice. The voice asks you a question, What is it that you have to share with oneand many? What is it I have to share with one and many? And the voice repeats, What is it youhave that you can share with one and many? And youre perplexed. And you think well, I havea lot of skills and I have a lot of talents. I have a lot of love and I care, Im great at providing,nurturing. Im a rich person. I have a lot to connect with other people, for and about. The voiceemanates again, What do you seek? Who do you seek? And why? And you think, well, Ivesought that special person. Somebody to connect with and to be with, to enjoy life with. And thevoice says, Draw a picture. And you can feel your forehead frown while your eyes stay closed.And the voice says, Draw a picture. And in your mind comes a picture of someone that you

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would like to be with. The picture is rich in detail, the hair, the eyes, the nose, the cheeks, theears, the lips, the chin, the neck, the persons body, even their clothing. Yeah, its there. And thevoice says, Let them speak. And youre dumbfounded. What does that mean, let them speak?And the person leaves your mind and goes over, out of your mind and sits at the desk, facing youwith your eyes closed, and talks to you. They tell you their name, what they do for a living. And

you watch yourself talk to this person. At first, youre uncomfortable. And they tell you whattheir background is. They tell you how they were treated in a previous relationship. They tell youwhat they are doing for a living now, and what some of their dreams are. And you watch yourselfwith your eyes still closed, look at that person and say, Would you like to take a walk with metoday? And the person says, No, I cant do that. And you feel sad inside. Its not like youwere asking for a relationship, you just asked for a walk. And the person fades away.

And you wonder. And the voice says, Draw a picture. And youre back inside of your mindnow, and you know what draw a picture means and you do. You draw another picture inside ofyour mind of what another person looks like, all their facial features, their hair, their eyes, theirnose, their ears, their body, their background. Everything. You draw their clothes, anything you

want them to wear. And this time they sit down at the end of the bed when they come out of yourmind. They sit right there at the end of the bed, or the area where somebody would rest if theywere going to lay down. But this person doesnt lay down, they just sit there and they look at youwith your eyes closed. And they say nothing. So you say, Hello. You tell them your name, andyou ask for theirs, and they tell you their name. And you ask them, about themselves. How theygot here, what they do for a living, what theyre doing here in a mountain, in a room. And theyask you the same question. And you tell them the truth. And they smile, saying, Thats exactly how I felt. Would you like to go for a walk? They say, Perhaps, let me thinkabout it, Ill get back to you. And they fade away.

And you think,You know, Ive made progress, I got an Ill think about it instead of a no,whatever that means. Draw a picture. Draw a picture? Youre starting to get used to this. Youdraw another picture. What they look like, their face, their hair, their eyes, their nose, their body.You dress them. You change things this time, dressing them differently. This person comes outof your mind, and transports themselves to the little rock beside the bed and they sit there by youwith your eyes closed. And they say nothing. And you introduce yourself. And they say, Itsnice to meet you. I was hoping to meet someone nice like you. And that startles you a little bit,and even though your eyes are still closed, you still look over at this person and think, Huh,interesting. And you tell them a little bit about yourself, what you do for a living. Some of yourdreams, some of the things you want to do, where to travel. You ask the same from them.Would you like to take a walk today? Im sorry, I cant. And they fade away. And you dontknow why they cant take a walk. But for some reason, what would have made you feel bad, sad,even yesterday, you simply accept.

Draw a picture. Hmmyoure starting to use up your pictures. So you get a little creative thistime and you draw the picture in your mind. You change some of the features and characteristics,change the hair, make changes in the face and the neck and the eyes, the ears are a little different.The body, what they wear. And for the first time you think, Who might this person be? And,What kinds of things would I want them to tell me about themselves? What would beimportant to me? Because if I wanted to take a walk with them it would be nice to have some

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things in common. And you figure out what those things are. And you realize that you wantsome things, maybe a lot of things to be different. Because if you both knew all the same things,it would get boring on the walk after a while. So you want this person to be articulate in differentaspects of life than you are, so they can complement you on your walk. It makes sense.

And the person leaves your mind, and they stand up by the desk over there, and they look at you.And as you watch yourself, this time your eyes open. And you see this really beautiful personover by the desk and you stand. Hi. You say your name, and introduce yourself. And the other

person introduces themselves, too. And they tell you about themselves, and just like youimagined it, they tell you things that are the same and different, all the things that you alreadyknew because you put these things in your mind and they tell them all about themselves andsome things that you didnt know. They smile at you, you smile back. And you stand there reallyadmiring this person. What a creation. Would you like to take a walk with me? Id love to. Ireally would. But I cant. Its just not possible. And they fade away, just like that. And you feela twinge of disappointment as you sit down, on the crate your eyes close, and your head goesdown again.

Draw a picture. You cant remember the last time you used your imagination this much. Drawa picture. Okay. So now you draw another picture and you make changes and an even moredifferent face and a different neck. Hair is different, eyes, ears, nose. Everything is a littledifferent. You like the idea about giving people some kind of a set of characteristics that are thesame and different, and you stick with that idea because that makes sense. Some things incommon, maybe values and beliefs, some of those things. And you think of those values and

beliefs that are extremely important to you. Yeah, those. This person needs to have those things.But then they need to have some things that are not in line with what you think, that you candisagree about, that you could argue about? Yeah, that you could discuss and communicate witheach other about. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. This person should have some goals, someoutcomes, they want in their life. This person must want somebody wonderful like me. Andwho wouldnt want that? But I better get more specific than that. I must want somebody who hassome of the values I have and the beliefs that I have, and some of the physical features. Right.There you go, thats a good idea, I like that. And they immediately leave your mind and theystand on the other side of the desk. And you watch yourself stand up. Hello my name is Andyou say your name. And the other person says their name. And you two hit it off. You just talk.About your dreams, your goals, the things that are important to you. All of this, the first timeyouve met! And you really like this person. This person is amazing. Would you like to take awalk with me today? And they smile at you. Id love to, but I cant. Oh, I really would love to,

but I cant. And they fade away. And you feel frustrated. Oh. That person was perfect. Therewas such a great energy there.

Its time to go. Its time to go? A book appears on the desk. A pen appears on the top of the book. Ink appears next to the pen on the desk. The voice says, Write what you have learned.Write what I have learned. Oh, I hate being tested! And you go over to the desk, and you dipthe pen in the ink, never having used this kind of a pen before, you actually look at it. Writewhat you have learned. Ive learned that I want to spend time with someone who wants tospend time with me. Ive learned and your hand writes, that I want to spend time withsomeone who is not like me in some ways, but is like me in other ways. You dip your pen in the

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ink. Ive learned that I want somebody who looks some specific way. But its not necessary.You dip your ink again. Ive learned that I want someone who shares some of my key valuesand beliefs. Ive learned that hearing NO is only annoying. Its not scary like it used to be. Ivelearned that what seems to be rejection really may not be. It just may be that the circumstances

just dont allow it right now. You dip the pen again. And you write more about what you have

learned and you think of that thing or those things right now. And you write them down.

Soon your hand stops writing at the desk. You put the pen in the ink and you look at the long list.And you realize that there really is no problem in going up next to someone or talking tosomeone and saying Hi, my name iswhats your name? Because they are looking forsomeone who shares the same values and beliefs and different values and beliefs and they

probably havent thought about it as much as I have, but were all looking for a puzzle that can be fit together, not too easily to get bored and not too hard to be frustrating all the time, butsomething in the middle. You want to fit, but not too good. The puzzle doesnt need to be

perfect. Youve learned so much. And youve learned that the other person might be reallynervous about seeing you, no matter what theyll look like, especially when they are being

approached and they dont know what to say.And as you think about it from that other persons perspective who you drew in your mind, well,that person doesnt know what to say anymore than you do. So theyll probably feel comfortablewith the first person that helps them feel comfortable and safe. And you realize, thats a secret.That really is. Wow. That is the secret. And as you sit back and you look at that list, you thinkthat you drew a couple of those people in your mind. And yet they said no, they wouldnt go andtake a walk today. And that confuses you. Because they should have. They should have, thatswhat they should have done. They said no and they disappeared. Just like the others earlier, whohad to disappear, but that was because they had no depth. There was nothing to them, they were

just paper dolls. Whew. Huh. But you look at that list and you realize that its your desire todevelop the skill and the ability to help people feel comfortable when you smile at them. Andhow do you do that? You ask a question. Because a question has an answer where as if theres noquestions, theres no answer, theres no response. So you have to ask a question. But they areuncomfortable there. Hmm. Its our job to make them feel comfortable. Maybe not our job,maybe our desire, we want to do it, because if we make them feel comfortable, then Ill feelcomfortable, too. Thats it. And when I do that Ill be confident and certain that Ive done good.Oh, yes, thats it! You put the pen in the ink. You stand up, and the door opens. And you literallywalk out of the room, the door closes behind you, you look to your right and you see a longhallway of doors.

And you just wonder what it must be thats there, inside of all those rooms. But you dont feelcompelled to find out right now. You feel juiced. You feel energized. You feel excited. Youfigured a lot out and its time to put it to work. You walk fairly quickly past five, and then fouron the left and three on the right and two on the left and one and theres the boxes, thosemailboxes, those safety deposit boxes and the coat rack. And now, you look at the boxes and youlook at the coat rack and you look at the ribbons around your neck with the keys. You hadforgotten about that, it felt so good without them. And you think to yourself that you can take orleave, whatever you want to do. You just dont know. You think well, geez, if I dont have anyconcerns, then I dont know how responsible Ill be. So, you take the key thats over your solar

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plexus you pull it off from over neck, you open the drawer, unlocking it, and you pull all thoseconcerns out, and you put them back in yourself. But the little teeny box, well, theres noquestion about that one, you put that ribbon on the coat rack. And that huge box, oh, man, thatsa lot. Thats a lot. No. You take the big ribbon from around your neck, the one that came down toyour belly button, and you put it up there on the coat rack. As youre putting it up on the coat

rack, you realize that the tip of the rung is actually a small pen. And you take the pen and youwrite your initials on the two keys. And you do that now.

And you look at those boxes and you realize you had a little one and a big one and Im leavingthose here. And youre excited. And you head toward the door, you open the handle, you close it,you come out and its dark. And you see that big rock and you see light around the other side ofit and you go around, and there it is just like it was when you saw it when you came here. Youshake your head and you think this is just not possible. Now instead of wanting to go to the topof this mountain, you dont want to go to the top of the mountain, you want to go down the hill,youve got stuff to do. You grab your stick from the ground. You looked at your knee, its stillscraped up but you havent felt it in a long time. And it actually feels pretty good. And you feel

light on your feet and you start to walk along the path and you whistle. When was the last timeyou whistled? You whistle as you walk. And you walk and you walk until you come to theoverlook where you saw the city and the village and the rural area and the stream. And youstand there and you look and it all seems so optimistic and obtainable now, and you realize it isall yours for the taking. And now you know. You hear a noise behind you. Someones comingand you look and you think, Oh my gosh, its just like one of the people that I drew. And the

person says, Hello! You say, Hi, you look very familiar. And they say, Is that as good asyou can do? And you say, No, seriously, you really do. And they smile, and say, Ok. Andyou show the person the city and all the streets that lead that way, and the roads and the ruralarea and the stream. And you point out all the things which are now familiar to you in your mind.And then you pause. And you turn toward this person, and you put out your hand and you say,Hi, my name is and you tell them your name, and they tell you their name. And you say,Would you like to take a walk with me today? They say, Sure, where are you heading? Andyou point down to the stream. And you say, I want to go down by the stream and just kind ofkick back and have a nice day today. Id love to go with you, that would be great. I have a

backpack over there with some lunch in it. Really? Yeah, hang on Ill go get it. And the person gets their backpack and comes back, and says, Do you have anything to eat? No, Imsorry, all Ive got is this walking stick. Thats okay. Ive got enough for two. Come on, letsgo! And the both of you go down the mountain, slipping here and there, climbing carefully buthelping each other as you walk. Remembering the words of what the voice that emanated in theroom said, Draw a picture. And pretty soon, you find yourself back in your meadow, with yournew friend.

You take a little break, sit down on the rock. And they sit down next to you. And you close youreyes for just a second. And you realize that you can come back here anytime you want. Becausenow you understand, and now you feel certain. And now you feel comfortable. And its such agood thing.

When I say the number one, youll open up your eyes, be wide aware and refreshed. Three.Hearing the sounds around you. Two. Coming up, ever so calmly, becoming aware of all the

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sounds around you. The seat youre sitting on. And one. You can open up your eyes. Feelingwide aware and refreshed.

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Metaphors of Attraction

You can have your client read this or you can coach them with this information:

You have four seconds to make a lasting impression on someone. Be prepared and think beforeyou open your mouth. What you look like is 2/3 of the battle and will filter all the words you aregoing to say. Each setting provides the opportunity to utilize these first few seconds. There is nosingle metaphor that is appropriate or effective for all settings.

Any "line" will immediately be seen as insincere. Therefore you must be creative to the momentand the environment. A church group provides a different feel than a bar. If you aren't aware ofthe "feel" that the setting has you miss every opportunity to connect.

Your goal is to link the setting into your very brief metaphor. If your "story" takes more than 20seconds you are probably lost forever.

Your objectives are to:Help the person you are going to communicate with feel special, unique, the ONLY one. Theystand out like a beacon of light. They make your heart pound. (If they don't, why are you goingto communicate with them?)

1. Take all the pressure initially off the other person by telling your very very very briefimaginary story. The person will sense your connection with them and your story merely

provides a pleasant link for them to tease you about, which is precisely what you want.2. You will ask if you can join them or if they can join you.3. You will look into your eyes the entire time you communicate except when there is an

"action" moment in your story. If this is the case you will look away to "point" at theaction (The rollercoaster below) and then back to the person when the action is done.Then your eyes will not leave theirs until they say "yes" or "no." Because "no" means, "Ireally don't realize how amazing you are," it is not an acceptable response unless it isgiven firmly and at that point you might still consider ignoring the reaction of "no," andcontinue on and ask again. If someone is worth pursuing and makes your heart go pitter

patter, why would you accept no?4. You can't harass someone (or perhaps you can) but you can definitely move more

aggressively and kindly toward "yes."

If this could be someone remarkably special and they could be worth spending the rest of

your life with, ask them this after they have said no. "You know, I saw you sitting here. Ithought about what you do for a living. I suspected you weren't totally satisfied with that. Infact I would say you weren't satisfied with a lot of things in life and I am here to deliver youwith a message. You are amazing and have a birthright to a 10 life. I'd like you to sit with mefor 10 minutes and if you don't think that I'm a 10, I want you to get up, walk away and I willhappily pay the tab. Fair enough?"

Now, this might be enormously corny or it might be intimidating or it might be appropriate.

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The point is that your attention is on that person and not on yourself. You are the first personthat communicated your interest in this person and not just the paper doll that they are.

First meetings are always complicated and awkward for almost everyone because they aresomething we don't experience that often. Therefore expertise is hard to come by.

Always assume a "no" reaction because that is what our programming tells us. So, theformula for connecting must be "yes, then what?" or "no, then what?""No" is not a reasonable response without more information, in my opinion, so make certainthat you offer an opportunity that they cannot lose. It's the same as a money back guarantee.In fact, you can offer that. No one else does and they go home disappointed. So, perhaps youwill!

Meet someone special: "I've been sitting over there feeling like I'm at an amusement park,watching all the people. Then I looked at you and I felt like I was one of those fast rollercoasters.You're the only person that gave me that adrenaline rush so I figured I should seize the moment.I'm__________ __________. What's your name?

Short and sweet. You have seconds to make a great impression or at least a good impression. Themetaphor is hypnotic in that they are immediately transported in their mind to another space andtime. That gives you an opportunity to disconnect the reactance response (no).

After that? You're on your own.

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Asking them to commit long term : Life is so much like a movie. It's short. It can be hard. Itcan be so beautiful. If you had not been born, this moment would have been impossible andevery precious moment in the future would be missed. But you were and I love you and I wouldlike you to walk into the future with me. Say you will.

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EXERCISE:

Construct your own metaphor for meeting someone. Construct a metaphor for making acommitment. Each should be 30 seconds or less in spoken word.

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Documents

Metaphors Manual