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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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Page 1: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Page 2: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.” ~ Meryl Runion

Hi. I’m Meryl Runion, and I didn’t invent The Ultimate Communication Formula phrase, but I did popularize it. People quote me on it a lot. It’s a very simple formula, and that’s what makes it so powerful. Of course, there is much more to effective communication than that. Otherwise I wouldn’t have written seven books on communication and wouldn’t be writing my eighth.

All my books are based on my SpeakStrong Method. I’ve created this handbook as an overview of the SpeakStrong Method. The method is very in depth and can transform your communication dynamics.

Enjoy this overview, and let me know how I can help you. If you’re not receiving my SpeakStrong Newsletter, go to my website at www.speakstrong.com and register today. Be sure to read through to part 3 to see how you can develop the SpeakStrong Style of communicating.

Page 3: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Part 1

What is the SpeakStrong Method? The SpeakStrong Method is a five-step process with 52 skills based on HEART:

H

E

A

R

T

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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The SpeakStrong Method

Honest communication drops masks, posturing and manipulation. The SpeakStrong Method cultivates transparency, even when it hurts. Honesty has been and continues to be the number one quality employees want in their leaders. Authenticity creates a sense of trust.

may sound simple, but it can be remarkably challenging. It’s like Being honest our masks are glued on. Many leaders think they’re supposed to come across as superhuman. We all can be so accustomed to hiding, that we don’t even know that we’re doing it.

That’s why my SpeakStrong Steps include scores of tools to help you lift the veil, “get real,” say what you really mean, and be who you really are. After a while you wonder why you ever were anything else.

That creates a foundation of trust that enhances influence.

What isn’t Honesty isn’t dumping. You don’t get to slam someone and self-righteously hide behind the claim of honesty. The motivator for honesty is trust. If you unload, you undermine trust. Honestly isn’t uniformity. It doesn’t mean you are exactly the same with everyone. Honesty isn’t fanatical. You don’t need to bare your soul at every moment or throw caution to the wind to SpeakStrong.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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The SpeakStrong Method

isn’t for wimps The SpeakStrong Steps walk you through many different

processes to get to increasingly deeper truths. It can feel like you’re completely exposed. And you just might find out that dishonesty was working for you more than you’d like to admit. You will probably have to walk through a few fires to express it. Honesty isn’t for wimps.

The truth can hurt but it also can heal You don’t know what you’ll get when you stop pretending and become more honest. It can hurt. And sometimes it can put you in a position

of hurting someone else, at least for the short-term. One of the arts of Speaking Strong is to transform pain into healing. It’s like treating an infected wound. It’s not fun, but it needs to be done. And you’re so glad you did it afterwards instead of letting things fester. Telling the truth can be cleansing. It certainly is freeing.

The case for When you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you said. When you’re transparent, you get to find out who your real friends are. When your words are authentic, you are more connected to who you are. When you’re honest, your passion gets released. You’re the opposite of the robotic telemarketer who reads a script as if they might fall asleep at any moment. Honesty isn’t just the right thing. It’s also effective. That’s why honesty is at the HEART of Speaking Strong. Let the SpeakStrong Method connect you with the power of .

Page 6: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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The SpeakStrong Method

communication adds grace and fluency to your message. It’s like putting a frame around a picture – it doesn’t change the picture but adds to the appeal and interest. Craft your words to be pleasing and interesting, as well as clear. Wordsmithing is a fine art.

B.S.ers need not apply: isn’t fake Eloquence doesn’t mean fake. You’re not crafting or words to manipulate or give false impressions, any more than you frame a picture to hide it. Choose your words skillfully, artfully and beautifully in order to enhance their effectiveness and the joy of speaking. Some people are smooth talkers but lack substance. That isn’t eloquence. Some folks speak in ways that might seem coarse to

some, but are appropriate for the setting. That is eloquence.

Bait and switchers need not apply: doesn’t mislead I know some folks who can put a very nice package together. Good luck trying to figure out what’s in it. Once you get inside, you might be shocked to discover that it doesn’t match the packaging or there’s nothing there at all. It could be you like what’s inside, but it wasn’t what you expected. The talk and walk need to be aligned to qualify as eloquence.

Victims need not apply: bypasses resistance I once had a bumper-sticker that said, “You’ve got to be tough if you’re going to be stupid.” If you’re not stupid – if you’re smart and eloquent, you don’t have to be nearly as tough. Eloquence creates an environment that is conducive to collaboration. A little honey in your words can make them more palatable. Let the SpeakStrong Method add to your message.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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adds the power of commitment to your words. It says your word is your bond. You think carefully before you speak to be sure you are committed to what you say and that you will be able to follow through. One of my favorite clients, The American Society for Quality, uses the slogan, “say what you’ll do and do what you say.” Of course auditors are all about accountability.

is specific Manage expectations. Maybes and abstractions make it hard for anyone to pin you down when you don’t show up. Slippery sales people speak in ways that create great expectations, and reinterpret their words retroactively. Speaking Strong doesn’t let you hide behind vague, non-committal words. It calls you to commit to specifics and then show up.

Take your words seriously and others will Before you speak, make sure you intend to follow through. Say what you’ll do and do what you say. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. If you say you’ll be there at 2:00, be there at 2:00. Make a commitment to have your word be your bond.

Be for your role in any dynamic means consistently checking your own role in any situation or

dynamic. It absolutely avoids projecting blame. It doesn’t mean you take responsibility for other people’s infractions – or you tolerate them. It does mean fessing up to any disconnected ness between what you say and what you do.

means holding others too The best and the highest kind of accountability is personal . You don’t make excuses or avoid facing the consequences of actions. The SpeakStrong Method starts there. You also hold others accountable for their commitments. You get what you tolerate, and The SpeakStrong Method creates accountable relationships.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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Relationship by agreement It’s hard to be if there are no agreements or commitments. The SpeakStrong Method develops personal standards of communication as well as interpersonal agreements as a foundation for clear expectations. Your disappointments then become a platform to develop new understandings and expectations. Your relationships become consecrated by covenants, or vows of how you will show up for each other. This poster provides a sample of communication standards. I have plenty of other agreements I use with people in my world, from how to make requests and what to include in subject lines in emails.

Ask yourself, is this something I’m willing to be for? Do you know what you’re really committed to? I can tell you what by looking at your checkbook and your calendar. Your actions reveal what matters to you. If your actions don’t reflect your words, and they also don’t reflect well on you, it’s time to get honest with yourself. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. One way to find out if you mean what you say is to ask yourself, is this something I’m willing to be for? Find what you do mean, and say that. That way, you protect the power or your words – and you just might find that once you commit to walking your talk, your words will become much more authentic. Let the SpeakStrong Method help you add power to your words with accountability.

Page 9: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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We’re in this together, but it’s easy to forget that. Too often we treat people as means to an end, disposable resources or one-dimensional objects. Not only does that suck all the life out of communication, it isn’t as effective.

Relate to others like band members Dynamic communicators are like really good jazz musicians. Each player enjoys individual creative expression while relating in step with the whole. Every member responds immediately and spontaneously to the improvisations of the other. The resulting music is surprising, fresh and new, and transcends what any individual player could have created alone. Like that, individuals who have a high relatedness in their communication make things happen they could never do on their own.

The New Dynamics of Communication are about relatedness Women, Gen Y and Social Media are changing the way we relate, influence and succeed. Women embrace relatedness by nature, Gen Y is breaking down authoritarian rule, and Social Media is all about relatedness. The new communication is quick, personal, collaborative and dynamic. We may still work in cubicles, but we don’t stay hidden in them.

A person’s a person no matter how… whatever The person on the other end of the phone is a very live and real person. Relate to them like the individual they are. Patients are people first, customers are people first and employees are people first. The disabled are people first, the elderly are people first, and, who knew! So are kids! The SpeakStrong Method of communication includes the personal aspect of relatedness along with the impersonal and functional. Objectivity over-stepped its reach. People became object – human resources and means to an end. Fortunately, business is becoming about relatedness again.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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Relatedness means you’re a person too Add a little or who you are to every conversation. That adds a relatedness that not only is more effective but it’s more fun. It could be as simple as letting someone know you’re routing for the Broncos (or not.)

Don’t let rankism sabotage your relatedness I don’t care where you are in the hierarchy or how much experience you have. Get over yourself and relate as peers. Wikipedia says “rankism” refers to the "abusive, discriminatory, or exploitative behavior towards people who have less power because of their lower rank in a particular hierarchy.” It’s treating the CEO with respect and treating the janitor with disregard. It’s using rank to justify insulting or humiliating others, or obtaining favors. It involves pulling rank, or asserting power to maintain dominance. Relatedness doesn’t mean you need to pretend not to be an expert in an area or pretend you don’t have the responsibility for the success of a venture. It means you share what you know respectfully and don’t dismiss people based on rank. It means you relate to people’s individual dignity.

Adapt your style Relate to an introvert differently than you talk to an extrovert. Relate to a fast-paced person differently than a slow paced-person. Adapt and relate your communication style to your listener. It’s a sign of respect, and it adds to clarity. That even means adapt your technology. If someone uses Skype, consider embracing it. If they respond to hand-written notes and letters, send a few. Know who you’re talking to, and adapt. Let The SpeakStrong Method add Relatedness to your communication.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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SpeakStrong isn’t about effective communication, it’s about transformational communication. That keeps the conversation dynamic and forward moving.

Transforming lead into gold A classic example of transformation is the caterpillar turning into a butterfly. That, of course, is a natural process, and there is little we can do to move it along. Another example of transformation that uses deliberate intervention is the ancient art of alchemy.

The word alchemy defines a process of separating and joining substances together to purify each substance and then combine them in ways that produce a valued substance such as gold. The word alchemy is most commonly associated with medieval experiments attempting to transform lead into gold. However, alchemy involves numerous processes that, when understood, can be productively applied to anything we seek to elevate to its highest level. The term has been creeping into management and leadership

literature in recent years. I don’t think there is a better example of what transformation means. You take what seems like lead and turn it into gold.

Transform complaints into requests One important principle of The SpeakStrong Method is to talk more about what you want than what you don’t want. When you do that, a complaint suddenly transforms into an opportunity to ask for what you want. You don’t want someone to drop projects in your lap at the last minute? What do you want? Ask for that. It moves the conversation forward from the complaint into possibilities.

An added benefit is that you often become aware of ways you are not clearly asking for what you want.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

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The SpeakStrong Method

Transform and be transformed The days of power-based communication are quickly giving way to a foundation of influence. The power of manipulation and coercion are giving way to the influence of attraction. We’re not talking about one-way influence. We’re talking about reciprocal influence, where you move, inspire and motivate others as much by your openness to who they are as by your wisdom, insights or connections. You and those you communicate with find a synergy that grows into dynamic exchange where you both find yourself saying things you didn’t know you knew. You transform others, situation and are yourself transformed.

Get creative Transformation goes beyond what is into what can be. It goes far beyond effectiveness into uncovering possibility Let the SpeakStrong Method help you transform and be transformed. You’ll be surprised.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Part 2:

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

“What am I ignoring or missing?”

SpeakStrong tools for this step include:

* 8 Skillsets detailed in the book SpeakStrong * The HEART model * Assessments * Questionnaires * Dos and don’ts * Flow charts * Sentence stems * Slogans

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Perceive Skill Set I:

Awaken Your Inner Ostrich Awaken # 1. Stop saying things you don't mean Notice how many things you say you don’t mean Awaken # 2. Start noticing what you don't say Observe what you want to say and don’t Awaken # 3. Uncover eight lame excuses (and one shameful one) Understand why you hide Awaken # 4. Get honest See what is as is

Perceive Skill Set II. Open Your Eyes Open Eyes # 1. Cut to the core Figure out what you really mean Open Eyes # 2: Establish your standard Set your truthfulness policy Open Eyes # 3: Lose your lame excuses Bust your lame excuses Open Eyes # 4: Talk about how you talk Shift the conversation from the issues to how you talk about issues.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

“What do I need to understand?

SpeakStrong tools for this step include: * 12 Skillsets detailed in the book SpeakStrong * Triune brain chart * Questions * Online tutorial * HEART model * Emotional map * Feeling words list * Slogans

Page 17: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Process Skill Set I: Say What You Think Say what you think #1: Separate fact from opinion Just the facts, ma’am Say what you think #2: Establish credibility Make your thoughts worth listening to Say what you think #3: Express your opinion (without sounding opinionated) Go from judge and jury to informed

Process Skill Set #2: Say What You Feel Say what you feel #1: Get over rationality myths A person’s a person, so let’s be human Say what you feel #2: Express your emotion maturely Emotional intelligence is the key Say what you feel #3: Expand your vocabulary How many words do you have to describe what you feel?

Process Skill Set #3: Say What You Want Say what you want #1: Dare to desire Know that what you want matters Say what you want #2: Prepare to ask Clarity is the foundation of any request Say what you want #3: Ask so you receive Do a reality check to hone your requests

Page 18: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

“What am I committed to?”

SpeakStrong tools for this step include:

* 12 Skillsets * Risky Conversation Assessment * Communication Agreements * Poison Phrases to avoid * Slogans

Page 19: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Pledge Skill Set I: Protect the Power Protect the Power #1: Know you mean it Determine the level of your commitment Protect the Power #2: Match your talk and your walk Find words that match your commitment Protect the Power #3: Specify to see it through Get specific about what you ask for.

Pledge Say Skill Set II: Play Big Play Big #1: Get real (but not raw) Prepare to show who you are Play Big #2: Don't let weak speak sneak in Lose those phrases that make you sound wimpy Play Big #3: Expect to be taken seriously Develop belief in your conviction

Pledge Skill Set III: Be Resolute Be Resolute #1: Establish Boundaries Your boundaries define who you are. Define yourself. Be Resolute #2: Commit to Boundaries Pledge to back your words up with action. Be Resolute #3: Determine consequences (not disguised threats) What will you do if your boundaries are violated?

Pledge Skill Set IV: Retrain to Respond Retrain #1: Meet and greet your communication devil Understand the difference between a reaction and a response Retrain #2: Stop, drop, and purge bad habits Commit to eliminating reactive habits Retrain #4: Out with the bad habits, in with the good Cultivate responsive habits and the will to apply them

Page 20: ©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www ... · The Ultimate Communication Formula “Say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.”

©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

“How can I say it best?

SpeakStrong tools for this step include: *15 Skillsets * The six “secrets” of PowerPhrases * Formulas * Sentence stems * Sample phrases * Online tutorial * Emotional map * Feeling words list * Non-verbal tips * Triune word chart

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Preparation Skill Set I: Express Your Best Attitude Attitude #1: Elevate thinking to elevate speaking Get to know your best and worst selves and invite your best self to do the talking Attitude #2: Turn your negatives into positives (that get results) Find every complaint and transform it into a vision and request Attitude #3: Express positive realism (not delusional fantasy) Put feet on your dreams and let them help you find the words

Preparation Skill Set II: Take Aggression Down into Assertion Assert #1: Access your true power Run a power check on your words and make sure they communicate your strengths Assert #2: Check for aggression and reword Review words for aggressive attempts to overpower or wound Assert #3: Purge hints passive-aggression Review your words for indirect aggression and get direct

Preparation Skill Set III: Give up the Games

Give up the games #1: Pick phrases to unite, not divide Motivate through understanding instead of polarizing Give up the games #2: Drop the distractions and the deceptions Review your wording for words that misdirect the focus Give up the games #3: Stop manipulating Eliminate anything that pretends to be what it isn’t.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Preparation Skill Set IV: Purge the Poison Purge the Poison #1: Get guilt-free in accountability Make sure there are no guilt trips in the ways you plan to hold people accountable Purge the Poison #2: Put sarcasm in its place Unmask sarcasm and make express your point directly Purge the Poison #3: Drop labels Root out any attempt at labeling or name-calling Purge the Poison #4: Clean up counterfeit communication Separate out anything ignoble posturing as being noble

Preparation Skill Set V: Add Influence Influence #1: Persuade, don't manipulate Ask yourself the six questions that separate persuasion from manipulation Influence #2: Talk to all three brains (including the one that really makes the decisions) Make sure your point speaks to head, heart and will Influence #3: Add sizzle Include the seven steps to adding pizazz to your message

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“Say it”

SpeakStrong tools for this step include: * 2 Skillsets, 6 Skills * Success Stories * Award for sharing communication successes

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Present Skill Set I: Express Yourself Express #1: Communicate all you are Don’t just show a part of yourself Talk your way to self-knowledge. If your phrases aren’t perfect, speak anyway, and listen to yourself. You’ll learn something for next time. Define and communicate your uniqueness Show up as the unique person that you are.

Present Skill Set II: Create, Radiate and Elevate Radiate #1: Talk an inspired walk Talk a talk that is worth walking Radiate #2: Elevate conversations Look for opportunities to elevate dialogue and do it Radiate #3: Relax into silence Don’t be afraid of silence Radiate #4: Send me your success stories for a free SpeakStrong Giraffe Share what works for you, and I’ll send you a symbol of your success.

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©Meryl Runion, the Creator of The SpeakStrong Method. www.speakstrong.com

Part 3

Below is a chart of the SpeakStrong Steps with a list of tools that can help you.

Where are they? They’re in my books, on my website and in my webinars. I recommend you start with my SpeakStrong Book and my PowerPhrases Book. And be sure to get my SpeakStrong Newsletter. Visit www.speakstrong.com.