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Meeting 8: Problem Solving and Family Rules
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Meeting 8: Problem Solving and Family Rules
Table Of Contents
5 Slides and Activity Sheets
15 Taking the Program Home
17 Tips & Tools
27 Home Practice Sheets
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Slides and Activity Sheets
WelcomeMeeting 8: Guided Problem-Solving and Effective Family Rules
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Self-care Check-in
• Personal Goals • Four Steps to Being Kinder to Yourself• Other self-care activities
o Mindful Breathingo Self-kindness o Comforting Activities
10 mins
Self-careMindful Breathing
04 mins
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Family-care Check-in15 mins
• Conversation about how your children remember their parent.
• Active listening• Other family-care activities
o One-on-One Timeo Catch ‘em Doing Goodo Family Time
Today’s Group
• Guided problem-solving: When listening isn’t enough
• Effective family rules
01 min
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Guided Problem Solving02 mins
Helping Children Cope with Stressful Things They Can Control
02 mins
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S • Listen and don’t do a quick fix.
• Ask, “Do you want help figuring out what to do or do you want me to just listen?”
• Ask your child to brainstorm different ideas of what to do.
• Ask your child to evaluate each idea.
• Ask your child to choose the best idea and check back with you after trying it.
Family Rules03 mins
Reasonable and Specific Rules04 mins
• Is this rule reasonable given my child’s age?
• How can I make this rule as specific as possible?
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Summing Up Parenting Styles
• Parenting while grieving isn’t easy. • Parents sometimes use parts of each style.• Each style can work in the short run but
“Fair and Firm” is the most helpful for children and parents.o Reasonable and specific ruleso Wise consequenceso Consistent follow-through
02 mins
Parenting Styles05 mins
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Change Plan and Counting Misbehaviors
04 mins
Group PracticeCounting Misbehaviors
18 mins
1. Work in pairs.2. Use Counting Behaviors Worksheet as a guide.3. Choose a misbehavior for one child of one parent.4. Identify the rule that was not followed.5. Work together to make the rule
• Reasonable for child’s age• Specific enough that the child knows what is expected
6. Then, choose a misbehavior for one child of another parent.
7. Repeat until both parents have a change plan for all their children.
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Home Practice: Family-careWhat You Practice Grows Stronger
01 min
• Family Time• One-on-One Time• Catch ‘em Doing Good• Listen as often as
you can
Home Practice: Family-careWhat You Practice Grows Stronger
01 min
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Home Practice: Self-careWhat You Practice Grows Stronger
01 min
• Personal Goals• Mindful Breathing
• Four Steps to Kinder Thoughts
• Self-kindness• Comforting activities
Online Resources01 min
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Wrap-up01 min
Next meeting • Helping children cope with stressors
that are beyond their control• Change plans
Closing ritual
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; Home Practice Sheets
Taking The Program Home
1. Look through Tips and Tools
2. Count Misbehaviors
3. Use guided problem-solving
4. Continue using your other Family-care and Self-care Tools: • Active Listening • One-on-One Time – 15 minutes per child• Catch ’em Doing Good – Every chance you get!• Family Time• Four Steps to Kinder Thoughts• Personal Goal – Small Step• Self-kindness words• Mindful Breathing • Comforting Activities
Comforting Activities What comforting activities did you do since we last met?
Mindful Breathing
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do your comfort activity since we last met?
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do mindful breathing since we last met?
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about doing mindful breathing.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about these comforting activities.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
Write down anything that other parents said during the meeting that you found helpful for your own self-care or family-care activities.
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Personal Goal – Small Step What small steps did you take since we last met?
Self-care ActivitiesFour Steps to Kinder Thoughts
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about taking these small steps.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you feel about doing the four steps?
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
Continued on next page 5
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do Four Steps to Kinder Thoughts since we last met?
Self-kindnessA Lot
-----------------------------------Once a day
Sometimes -----------------------------------
A couple of times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you use self-kindness words since we last met?
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about using self-kindness words.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
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Continued on next page 5
One-on-One Time
Catch ‘em Doing Good!
How did it go? Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Name
Choose the face that shows how you feel Catch ‘em Doing Good went with each of your children since we met.
Did not do
WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2
How do you feel One-on-One Time went last week?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Name What did you do?Did not
do
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do Catch ‘em Doing Good since we met?
Family Time
What did your family do for Family Time?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great Did not do
How did Family Time go?
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(turn in at Meeting 9)
Home Practice SheetMeeting 8 Name
Continued on next page 5
Family-care ActivitiesCounting Misbehaviors Keep track of the behaviors you want to change using the Counting Behaviors Worksheet (pages X-X). What challenges did you have counting the behaviors?
Using Guided Problem SolvingDid your children have a problem that they wanted your help with since we last met?
If you used Guided Problem Solving to help them with it, please describe the problem, what you did and how it went.
Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Child’s Name Problem What you did
Active ListeningHow did Active Listening go in everyday interactions?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great Did not doChild’s Name
YES NO
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Complete and
bring to Meeting 9
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Tips And Tools
1. Counting Misbehaviors
2. Counting behaviors sheet
3. Tips for teaching your children how to solve problems
4. Steps in Guided Problem Solving
5. Guided Problem Solving Sounds Simple – But it’s Not
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YES NO
YES NO
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Counting Misbehaviors
Child’s Name:
Behavior that I want my child to change (e.g., whining when I ask her to do something, slamming doors, leaving dirty cloths on floor):
Rule child is not following (i.e. complete tasks/chores I asked her to do, close doors gently, put dirty clothes in hamper)
Is this rule reasonable for children’s age? If not, how can I change it to be reasonable?
Is this rule specific enough that my child will know exactly what I expect?If not how can I make it more specific?
How I will count the behavior (e.g., make checkmarks every time my daughter whines when I asked her to do a task/chore from 7-8 each day, count the number of times I hear door slam everyday, count days when dirty clothes are on the floor)?
Put a check in the box each time you see the misbehavior.
MO
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WED
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DAY
THU
RSD
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FRID
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SATU
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SUN
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WEE
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OTA
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EXAMPLE ✓✓✓✓ ✓✓✓ ✓✓✓✓ ✓✓✓✓✓ ✓✓✓✓✓ ✓✓✓✓✓ ✓✓✓ ✓✓✓ 32
WEEK
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WEEK
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WEEK
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WEEK
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Counting misbehaviors sheet
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Tips for teaching your children how to solve problems
Becoming a good problem solver takes practice! Giving your children a lot of chances to practice solving simple problems can help them tackle bigger problems.
Offer Chances To Practice• Whenever you get the chance, ask your children to
brainstorm solutions for small problems they have (e.g., forgetting when their homework is due).
• Ask your children for ideas on how to solve some everyday problems you have (e.g., trouble finding keys in the morning).
• When reading a story to your children, ask your children for ideas on how the person in the story could solve a problem.
Support Your Children As They Learn To Problem-solve
• Encourage your children to think of as many ways to solve the problem as they can. Praise them for their efforts.
• Help your children brainstorm solutions.• Ask your children what would happen with each different
solution - Would it be safe? - Would it be right and fair? - Would it solve the problem?
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Steps in Guided Problem-solving
What if listening isn’t enough?Work together with your children to help them:
1. Come up with several possible solutions to the problem
2. Evaluate the pros and cons of each solution
3. Choose the best solution
4. Try the solution
5. Discuss how it worked
By using guided problem solving, you can help your children learn to be good problem-solvers who are confident that they are able to solve
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It’s a great way to guide your children step-by-step on how to come up with their own solutions to problems they are facing. It works great for adults as well!
; Listen and don’t do a quick fix – Just hold yourself back and listen
; Ask “Do you want help figuring out what to do, or do you want me to just listen?” – Let your child tell you if he or she wants your help to figure out what to do.
; If your child wants help figuring out what to do, ask your child do brainstorm different ideas about what she or he “could possibly do.” Just list them – don’t judge. The key is to get all ideas on the table. Don’t evaluate them at this point. All ideas are OK.
; Ask your child to evaluate each idea. You can ask “How do you think that would work?” Here’s where your child looks at the ideas one at a time and asks “What would happen if I did that?”
; Ask your child to choose the idea that would work best.
; Ask your child to check back after she or he has tried it. If the idea works – that’s great! If not suggest that she or he try a different idea.
Guided Problem-solving Sounds Simple – But it’s Not
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Home Practice
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(turn in at Meeting 9)
Home Practice SheetMeeting 8 Name
Continued on next page 5
Family-care ActivitiesCounting Misbehaviors Keep track of the behaviors you want to change using the Counting Behaviors Worksheet (pages 20). What challenges did you have counting the behaviors?
Using Guided Problem SolvingDid your children have a problem that they wanted your help with since we last met?
If you used Guided Problem Solving to help them with it, please describe the problem, what you did and how it went.
Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Child’s Name Problem What you did
Active ListeningHow did Active Listening go in everyday interactions?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great Did not doChild’s Name
YES NO
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Continued on next page 5
One-on-One Time
Catch ‘em Doing Good!
How did it go? Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Name
Choose the face that shows how you feel Catch ‘em Doing Good went with each of your children since we met.
Did not do
WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2 WEEK 1 WEEK 2
How do you feel One-on-One Time went last week?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great
Name What did you do?Did not
do
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do Catch ‘em Doing Good since we met?
Family Time
What did your family do for Family Time?
Awful Bad Okay Good Great Did not do
How did Family Time go?
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Personal Goal – Small Step What small steps did you take since we last met?
Self-care ActivitiesFour Steps to Kinder Thoughts
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about taking these small steps.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you feel about doing the four steps?
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
Continued on next page 5
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do Four Steps to Kinder Thoughts since we last met?
Self-kindnessA Lot
-----------------------------------Once a day
Sometimes -----------------------------------
A couple of times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you use self-kindness words since we last met?
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about using self-kindness words.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
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Comforting Activities What comforting activities did you do since we last met?
Mindful Breathing
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do your comfort activity since we last met?
A Lot -----------------------------------
Once a day Sometimes
-----------------------------------A couple of
times a week
Rarely -----------------------------------
Once or twice since last meeting
Notat All
How often did you do mindful breathing since we last met?
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about doing mindful breathing.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
How did it go? Choose the face that shows how you felt about these comforting activities.
Did not doAwful Bad GoodOkay Great
Write down anything that other parents said during the meeting that you found helpful for your own self-care or family-care activities.
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