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Mcguffys News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 19
Citation preview
For 95 Points Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they de
cided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just abour everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.
"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake,
and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued ... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
"You nave reacned our 24~nour ~mergency Support L.ine.
Our office nours are from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM ... "
Legal Advice A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Having not seen each other for some
time they struck up a conversation. It was difficult to follow as they were con
stantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor
for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you
do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're our of the office?"
"I give it to them;' replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bilL"
The doctor was shocked, bur agreed it was worth a try. The next day, still
feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills, then he went to place
them in the mailbox. Picking up his mail first, he found a bill from the lawyer
and peace of mind to post his bills.
WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT. We share a commitmentto serve our community. Thank you Rick Beer. Agent
newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs. 522 King Street West Brockville, ON K6V 3T2
IlKEA GOOD NEIGHBOUR 1'& I STATE ' ARM IS TIlER" Bus: 61 3-342-9076 , •••••• ,' rick.beer.j1 [email protected]
P045003CN 1204 State Farm . Canadian Head Offices: Aurora Ontario • statefarm.ca~
St . L awrence
MARINA -===::: I ohn stown , Ontario~
Your Princwaft Mercury Argo Dealer
613-925-5560
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The UPS Store II
The UPS Store ~I
www.overview.visolus.com ---"'-
www.J.ol.nbob.ws613-341-7846613-803-1309 '-'[email protected]
• ~b!~ I FITNESS
'fiJ Work Out On Your Own 'i! Personal or Group Training 'i! Fitness Classes
Air Conditioned, Clean and Professional!
www.hua-functional-fitness.webs.com HEARD UNDERSTOOD ACKNOWLEDGED
11111 Manpower
SEE OPPORTUNITY, SEE WHAT'S
HUMANLY POSSIBLE AT MANPOWER.COM
613-342-0250
Little Bear Bookkeeping ~~ www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca
"Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$"
Ht Start Up £" Payroll-ROE's-T4's ~ Bank Reconciliation !f Source Documentation ~ Gov't Remittances ~ Monthly Financial Statements
Patricia Doucette OwnerjBookkeeper< 613-246-6482
Call Jon to Advertise
6133420428
'1n The ., Of Brock ville"
Guys & Gals Full Service Salon Steph Saunders Owner 613-498-9898
W hat
bellnet.ca 165 King St W Krr\rlr\T1
V@UJ(f ~@~~~ d @~ ~If@@mellf' lon, ,nrq, (lng g, onllJ!,;1
Loving atmosphere~ Trims Baths Nails ~V'
Paula Fairfield 613-345-6220 ;' 0 0 . I
Owner/operator . _ Brockville, On. By appointment only 0
www.mydoggroomerpawla.com
I UN/ROYAlI ~-·;·;;;·:;w
HAVE A QUESTION? ...,...,. OR WANT A QUOTE? "::::;..~::
WINE~KITZ ------------ ---------
Accident or Miracle?
The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends . They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.
That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad 's car and go to the disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.
When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.
Finally they found one and the car was fixed properly. They parked it back in the garage that afternoon.
Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"
2
8 1 4
6
4
1 7
6
7 9
5 8
Sad Facts
Michael Jordan makes more money from
Nike annually than all of the Nike factory
workers in Malaysia combined.
5
5 2
1 I 7 8 5 ,
3
6 4 I
9
C Canadian Facts C 1987 • Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson sets a new world record (Aug. 30) for
the 100-metre dash.
1988 • Ben Johnson sets a world record and wins the gold medal at the Seoul
Olympics in Korea (Sept. 24). Testing positive for steroids, he is
stripped of his medal two days later.
1989 -< • Free Trade goes into effect . ...... C/) • ...... Heather Erxleben becomes Canada's first acknowledged female combat
soldier. ~ o • C
One-dollar bills are replaced by the one-dollar coin, popularly called the
"loonie." ?:' Z
~ Famous Quotes
~ Strive for perfection in everything you do.
to Take the best that exists and make it better. C/) ...... ~ t'Ti
~ ~ (') CJ C "T1 "T1
~ Z
When it does not exist, design it.
~ Sir Frederick Henry Royce - o/Rolls-Royce
What do you call a big fish who makes you an
offer you can't refuse?
~ The Codfather!
Science Experiments
~ • 1 oup of w"h;ng ,od, to
Making a present for someone, experimenting at home or just want to
relax in a hot bath? Try making your own bath salt!
You will need:
?:' • A plastic bag
o . A rolling pin
(') • A bowl
~ • A spoon for stirring
F • Essential oil r t'Ti (')
>-
• Food coloring Try It! 1. Take the cup of washing soda and pur it into a plastic bag. Crush the lumps
with a rolling pin or similar object.
2. Empty the bag into a bowl and stir in 5 or 6 drops of your favorite essential
oil such as rosemary, lavender or mint.
3. Stir in a few drops of food coloring until the mixture is evenly colored.
4. Pur the mixture into clean dry containers and enjoy as you please. What is
the science to it?
Bath Salts are typically made from Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate), table
salt (sodium chloride) or washing soda (sodium carbonate). The chemical
make up of the mixture makes it easy to form a lather. Bath salts are said to
improve cleaning and deliver an appealing fragrance when bathing.
Courtney Sadler Owner
1 ~~~lii~ Downtown Brockville Need a special Book?
Give us a call
73 King StW Brockville, ON
With Us! Order
Any800k!!
613-342-5728 www.leedscountybooks.ca
ThiS areas # 1 supplier of topographical maps & fiver charts. [email protected]
At S PIANO SHOP 3 PIANO'S, S1000.00 EA. YOUR CHOICE
TUNINGS, Sales, Restorations & Moving Brockvi lle, Prescott & Surrounding Areas (613) ~25 -0 24 www.alspianoshop.ca
.". Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc .
Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129
Call the plumbing & water experts today!
GOULDS 24fl Service san~Tec· PUMPS 3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT. ~
R Rust Check Auto Cal'e Plus I.. 1.. t'o~en imitated, never duplicated" ~v~ Rust Check
\, ges \'f.coQ.Qbra.to": .• Apac"a ...w-a~...w-a . " -';
choose •• ~ •• ~ IJ
to " hQ"''' Give Her A Clean Car! ~o , ,,0 Auto Detailing
,;v~o . < . Starting at $49. 95 :0_ J': ' ~~ 11 Main St. East, Athens, ON o ~ ~ 613 - 924-8080
Pick up McGuffy's News every week!!
At over 140 Locations in Brockvillel Athens North Augusta/Lyn Mallory town & Rockport
Early Spring Special! Save 25% OFF
@ Exhaust @ Brakes/Bearings
ti1 Struts @ Transmission Service
HWY 29 Auto Service #3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On 613-342-5249
COMPETITION ROOFING AND RENOVATIONS
Neil Black Owner
"Over 20 years experience"
613-348-3993 New Installation or Re-shingle
General Repairs and Renovations Satisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured
PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. KOE 1 PO
ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP
Rosemary Coleman Owner LicellsedOpticiari
• Quality Eyewear GUESS
• Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience
51 King 51. West, Srockville, ON 613 -498 -2200
Fax 613 -498 - 2205
Canadian Hearing Society Free home or office visits
• improve communication • improve safety in your home
• assistive listening devices· hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services
Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209 \-, ~ Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205
• CHSISCO United Way Srockville, Ontario K6V OA7 ~~;~~:,:::::~~~~
; '. ~ {[!}{laihze 6 ~~mcie· ~ FabforMom (, BAMBOO Pj's & Gowns! '
*Exquisite Texture 8unda!! * Moisture Wicking ....... ~ .. ~~ ...
* Keeps you Cool!
New Arrivals from Wildbleu FRa;'§f!~ * Tops * Shorts * Capris * Gowns ~,
156 King St. West Brockville, On 613-345-2244 VISA IS
Aqua Plus Pools "Your Bridge Over Troubled Water"
Book Your Pool Opening Before May 18th, 2012
& Save 10% Off Have The Professionals Provide
Quality Pool Service For You , .... ,."''''' WU7R
Advertise in McGuffy's
Great Results!
6133420428 [email protected]
613-345-2110 Brad Sharron, DO 65 George St.
"SMILE WITH CONFIDENCE!"
Brockville, ON www.brockvilledentureclinic.com
VISA
Tank Of Fish
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"Hey! You know how to drive this?"
Descriptive
Denture Specialist
• (omplete - partial dentures • Relines· Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
A Fresh Perspective
Five Truths of Accountability
I've been speaking on or writing about PERSONAL AC,
COUNTABILITY since 1995-and I've come to believe there are
five truths that are self-evident:
1. Everybody wants everybody else to practice personal account
ability. Enough said.
2. Individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac
countability / responsibility/ ownership:
Example: IfI earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when
the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar
home-and then lost that home-it was due to "predatory lending."
But if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth
and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What
a foolish thing for him to do!" Sometimes, we need to say that to
ourselves, and then ask The ~estion Behind the ~estion (QBQ),
"What can I learn from this experience?"
3. I am more effective in all roles-father, mother, professional,
spouse, friend, volunteer-when I practice personal accountability.
4. Life is more enjoyable-downright more fun!-when I walk on
the High Road of Personal Accountability.
5. It's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are
blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled-and expect
others to bail me out of my bad choices.
Now, if you don't agree with these five ideas-that's just fine. But
that's the way I see it.
John G. Miller Author of ... 'QBQ! The Question Behind the Question"', 'Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power ofPersonalAccountabil
ity; 'Outstanding! 47 Tfays to Make Your Organization Exceptional', http://www.qbq.com/Denver. Colorado, USA 303-286-9900
John@QBQcom
CALL FOR ENTRIES JUNI;: 28TH -1000 Island Mall, Brockville If you're 65 or over, shore your musical gift with us and you could be Chartwell's next Senior Star Champion! Please stop by Mayfield or Rosedale to pick up your
egistration form to participate. [ntries due by June 4th.
ROS~DAL~ RHIR~M~NT C[NTR~
1813 County Rd. 2~ . , Brockville
613-342-0200
MAVI=I~LD RHIR~M~NT R~SID~NC~
248 Pork St. W., Prescott
613-925-3784 www_chartwellreit_ca
What are You Chasing?
Ever hear about the greyhound races? Those dogs are fast! They run so fast because they're chasing a mechanical rabbit that they never quite catch. A friend told me that one day on a racetrack in Florida an interesting thing happened: the rabbit broke so the dogs caught it!
You would think the dogs would be happy to finally catch the rabbit after all those races in which they couldn't quite get a bite out of him. But actually when they caught the mechanical rabbit, they didn't know what to do! They became confused and depressed-they lost their putpose. In fact, I was told they never recovered and were ruined as race dogs. (Maybe it's because mechanical rabbits don't taste very good!)
Made me wonder what kind of things I am chasing in my life. Ifl catch them will they be worth it? Or will I look back and shake my head in disbelief?
Something to think about. What are You Chasing?
May is Speech and Hearing Awareness Month
Almost 25% of adult Canadians report some degree of hearing loss
while over 50% of Canadians over the age of 65 have a hearing loss. The
Hearing Care Counseling program at The Canadian Hearing Society
(CHS) provides counseling, education, and support services to hard of
hearing adults ages 55+, their family, and caregivers. Through office or
home visits, we provide support in understanding hearing loss, managing
difficult listening situations, and improving communication. We offer
a wide variety of communication devices such as amplified telephones,
TV listening devices, and alerting systems so you can live safely and
independently in YOut home. Services for younger adults aged 16 - 54
and mental health services are also available.
May is Speech and Hearing Awareness month . - a great tIme to contact us!
For more information please call 613-498-
3933 (TTY: 1-877-817-8209), visit us at
68 William Street (2nd floor, Centre Pointe
Plaza, Brockville), or email [email protected].
Our website is www.chs.ca
Sue Baker, Program Assistant and
Angela PagnieUo-Mande, Hearing
Care Counsellor. (right to left)
e, ;'Z United Way • Leeds & Grenville
Change starts here.
Call (613) 342-°428 to have your business featured here!
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shuffleboard Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
Monday's - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm -12pm
Sam's May & June Line-Up:
A G E
a F M A J
May 11 Backlash June 1 Blues Highway ~ I
May 11 Blues Daddy 3-7pm
May 18 The Journey Men
May 15 Loaded 6 String
June 1 Relay for Life ~ Charity Event 7pm (Pool/OartsiGamesiKaraokeiPrizes)
June 8 Journey Men June9 GenIX3-7
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)4981919
Quotations
Quotations: Prosperity
Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have
than having what you want. ~ Albert F. Geoffrey
True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence
in ourselves and our fellow man. ~ Benjamin Burt
Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the
same as everything else. You will see it coming into
your life when you are unattached to needing it.
~ 1¥tzyne Dyer
McGuffy's News Website!!
Attention Readers! Now even more fun, McGuffy's
News has now websites in Brockville and Prescott. You
can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc
guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and
also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (You can even
submit a joke-clean of course!) Or see our VIDEO
OF THE WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE MOST
COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS
CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit
events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations
etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO
GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of
events/ pets/ cars/boats/ children/ awards/ school!
funny photos/ garden/ fishing/ etc. Anything you want
to send to share with readers/ and the community. We
will also have Sudoku and Crosswords you can play,
on-line games and a lot more!!!!
Check it out today and share with friends and fam
ily that McGuffy's News is now on-line in your area!!!
Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event
in McGuffy's News!
Word Ads Starting at $15.~oHsT (SO Words or Less)
RealLaws?
1. In California, community leaders passed an ordi
nance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and
stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of
water.
2. In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep
under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
3. In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking
meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
4. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house
or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at
least four hours after eating garlic in Indiana.
8 Foot Alligator
Croiky! See Ya Later Alligator! It is bad
enough to have a mouse scampering around
the house bur imagine hearing a noise, then
turning on the light to find an eight foot al
ligator in your kitchen! That's what happened
to 69 year old Sandra Frosti of Tampa Florida.
The burgling gator pushed its way through
a screen porch door probably in search of
food, walked through the house until it was
discovered by Frosti in the kitchen. Luckily,
neither one was hurt.
CANADA What's weird:
• Canadians consume more macaroni and cheese than
any other nation on earth .
• There are no snakes, skunks or poison ivy on the
island of Newfoundland
School Smarts
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
Celebrity Quotes
There's been nothing bur discipline, discipline, discipline all my life.
~ Celine Dion
Fresh Fish
Across
4. Holy __
6. Hungry predator fish
7. Common edible
sunfish
8. Small minnow fish
10. Small freshwater pike
12. Large marine
sport fish
13. Small Fish
14. Freshwater game
fish
1 S. A clupeid
Job Search Jargon
Down
1. Small salmon like fish
2. Large-headed catfish
3. Crowded into cans
S. Cod-like marine food
9. "Finnan haddie" fish
11. Small sunfish
Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a
long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this job search jargon should
help you get on your way ...
CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions
SOME OVERTIME REQYIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Interesting Facts
1. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
2. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the
morning.
3. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
4. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
5. Marilyn Montoe had six toes. (rumor)
6. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being
seen wearing them in public.
7. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Beauty Of A Woman
The beauty of a woman
isn't in the clothes she wears,
The figure that
she carries,
or the way she
combs her hair.
The beauty of a
woman
must be seen
from in her eyes;
Because that's the
doorway to her
heart, the place
where love resides.
Sudoku Solution
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The beauty of a woman isn't in a facial mole;
But true beauty
in a woman,
is reflected by
her soul.
It's the caring
that she cares
to give,
the passion
that she shows;
And the beauty
ofa woman
with passing years only grows.
Crossword Solution
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Maple Heights Tree Service Serving the Seaway and Ottawa Valley
ProfessionaL .. Yet Affordable
, • Tree Removal • Fully Insured • Stump Grinding • Free Estimates
DOUG CHAPMAN-PRESIDENT 1-877 -MAPLE-lO [email protected] (1-877-627-5310)
~
G ol ) Eastern Ontario's Largest
Selection of Orthotic
rteker fTTTTTTTfT.
'g{iJJJ ~~ & Comfort Footwear INF NITV
OOStlOES
Gift Certificates K' 5 E B k '11 0 Available 46 mg t ast, roc VI e, n ~ 613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330 YOM S.
WAl1,KERS
heather chapman
Canadian and US tax
Individual and Corporate
Accounting Services
CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT 613-246-9850 [email protected]
Heather Chapman, B Comm, CA, CPA
New & Old - DrywalljWood ke Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotma
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
Call Jon for details.
(613) 342-0428
Eastern Independent Telecom Refurbishing Centre
Quality Refurbished Computers at Amazing Prices!!!
613-342-9652 Ext# 224 100 5trowger Blvd
Brockville, Onto Enter off Central Ave.
Mictosoft' REGISTERED
Refurbisher
SPECIAlIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS
· FLEETTRUCKS
· PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT
· SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES
· REAL ESTATE SIGNS
· ILLUMINATED SIGNS
Airport Shuttle
Tel: 613-345-4915 www.cwaylimo.com
Brockville· Ontario· Canada
ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP rR,~g"~
EYE!)'IEAR LOOKS 'I
Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00
or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus
(free trial fitting included)
51 King St. West, Brockvilie, ON (613) 498-2200 Fax (613) 498-2205
BonLen Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with shopping, medical care & entertainment.
Features & Benefits Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Sma II pets welcome • Protected by secu rity entra nce • All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances • Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more! O~
~PLAC E~
903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341 -1195 www.bonlenplace.com
Your business, your needs,
our Help
Doug Phillips Financial Security Advisor
613-342-4401, ext. 251 ,-1o...IIJ. [email protected] '1 Freedom 55
Financial
Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU Financial Security Advisor
~~ 613-342-4401, ext. 233 _L.&l. [email protected] A division of London Ute Insurance Company
Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.
"Parents and Children JJ
Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to
have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts oflittle children. ~ William Makepeace Thackery
And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anony
mously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves
never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.
~ Alice -walker
Most children suffer too much mother and too little father. ~ Gloria Stein em
Statistics You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.
D ~ David Lloyd George
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would
have put them on my knees.
Bizarre Real Lift Animal Laws
1. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs
on a Sunday.
2. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is perma
nently closed.
3. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a
public park without the permission of a selectman.
4. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law re
quiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.
5 ads you should check out in this issue! ./ Wine Kitz Customer Appreciation Sale
./ Hwy 29 Auto Service
./ Riverside Ford - We Sell Tires (email for a quote)
./ Aqua Plus Pools
./ Pauline's Lingerie