May June So Social Club e Mini Mag

8/9/2019 May June So Social Club e Mini Mag

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In the afternoon we visit the Alte Pinakothek, a unique collection ofold master's paintings.

The girls dont seem to enjoy that too much and, as much as I try not to, I too eventually get

bored of these pictures of morbid still lives or kids that look like marzipan pigs. We decide to

leave early and head to the BMW World. The girls and Andy, their chaperone, sit in very

fancy cars and have their pictures taken. I am very happy to be the photographer because

Im scared I would damage the ridiculously expensive vehicles.

After a long day and an even longer walk along the River Isar, we manage to score eight

seats in what I was told is one of the hippest pizza places in Munich. Happy tour guides are

good for their business (after all, I might come back with a bigger group at some point) and

happy travellers are good for mine. On a different note, I learn that being pooped

apparently doesnt have anything to do with body excrements. What an insightful day.

Day 3. We go to Nymphenburg Palace. Its still winter season there. Not all buildings are

open yet and the fountains and statues still have their wooden covers on, but the group

seems to enjoy the excursion anyway. As we get back into town I give them some free time,

shopping is important the German economy can use every single cent. We have a fun

evening at the Hofbruhaus: the music and dance performance are just as interesting as thebehaviour shown by the Japanese and Italian tourists on the tables next to ours. Andy

doesnt feel too well so we send him back to the hotel and make it a girls night, which

includes teenage girls attempts at flirting with the waiter and the cook. Chaperoning is not in

my contract but I dont mind at all, especially since the girls are so nice they dont need a

disciplinarian, just someone who is able to read the public transport map because they

cant

Day 4. I didnt sleep too well. Again. My room is so incredibly hot that I am sure it has been

mixed-up with the sauna. Today, we are going to Dachau concentration camp. While I am

sure it is an interesting and important place to see, I am not very keen to do it with a groupwhere I am the only German. Normally if it comes up, I can say that it wasnt my war and

certainly not my cruelties that killed so many people, but I am uneasy with the prospects of

actually coming face to face with the ugly past. I give my group a small introduction in the

even smaller hotel lobby. Normally I would do that on the bus, but since the tour is all by

public transport this is the only place where I can talk to the group without bothering too

many other people with my impressive half-knowledge.

We have audio guides for the visit so everybody can walk around on their own. During the

tour I am disgusted to see how cruel people can be. I knew this wouldnt be an easy

excursion, but it affects me more than I would have thought. I finish my tour early because I

want to be there when the girls come back from theirs. Theyre very quiet and seem to be ata loss of words. I ask them whether they have any questions or would like to talk about what

theyve just seen. I am grateful when somebody asks: Are there bathrooms around here? I

happily point out the "euphemism" (as Andy refers to it) and the cafeteria in case they want

something to eat. Turns out that the cupcakes in Dachau are incredibly delicious and provide

for some lighter conversation.

We head back into town for lunch. It is a beautiful day, the sun is shining brightly. The group

is lucky because until about a week ago it was freezing. Andy and I have a bite to eat in

Munichs central square Marienplatz. We sit outside and just enjoy ourselves. I like our

conversations, except for when he says Have you seen?, which is usually followed by the

title a film that I may have heard of but never seen.We kick off the afternoon by climbing up the tower of St Peters where we have a

breathtaking view over the city and the region. We can even see the Alps in the distance. It is
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Masterhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Master


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a great way to finish off our stay in Munich and, in all modesty, I am glad I brought up the

idea as this was not originally on the itinerary. Andy cuts the girls loose for the rest of the

afternoon and we decide to go to Englischer Garten, Munichs biggest park. Giving a peak

performance in tour guiding, I take us on the wrong bus in exactly the opposite direction.

When we finally get there, we take a stroll through the park, end up in the beer garden on

the lake and enjoy some of Bavarias liquid culture. We chat our way back into town and

discover a hidden small yet very stylish caf where we have a snack before going back to the

hotel to meet the girls.

We are about to reach one of the most interesting points on the itinerary the overnight

train to Berlin. While Andy and I each have a single cabin, the girls have been piled up in a

six-bed couchette. They seem a bit shocked at first. The fashion victims in the same room

with the nerds I expect this to be either a great team building exercise or one big messy

blood bath. With this in mind I try to get some sleep, but the harder I try, the less tired I

seem to become. So typical.

Day 5. I wake up at six which is not too bad. Oh, wait, the last time I checked my watch

before finally falling asleep was four oclock. This is bad. I wonder how the girls are doingand how many there are left. Andy goes to check on them. Turns out they all made it

through the night and when one girl was feeling a little rough because she doesnt do too

well in narrow rooms, they all looked out for her. Mission accomplished.

We are met by a very upbeat driver who is way too chirpy for an early Wednesday morning.

Hes a typical Berliner sassy, sharp tongued, cheeky, very communicative and of Turkish

origin. When we pass a huge billboard with an ad in which Kevin Costner promotes Turkish

Airlines, he says: Even Kevin Costner is one of us now. One down, just a few more to go and

well take over. He cracks lots of jokes on the short transfer and I certainly enjoy a good

morning laugh.

I am taking the group out for breakfast this morning since we didnt get one at the hotelsince we didnt have a hotel for the night. We could sit down in the Berlin hotel, but I find

that completely boring. Id rather go out to some nice caf because while hotel breakfasts

are usually quite good, they are pretty much the same everywhere and Id like to give my

little lambs at least a small impression of the real Berlin. The lady at the front desk tells me

that Caf Kant is just a few steps in that direction, pointing at the wall behind her. About 20

minutes later (Just a few steps my behind!) we reach the place. It was worth the walk

nothing fancy, but with a cool big city vibe and all different kinds of people. The girls ask me

to teach them how to order in German so we twist a few tongues, but they go through with

it and everbody gets what they want.

This afternoon, we have some free time on the itinerary and we decide to pay Knut, thefamous polar bear, a visit. Apparently hes quite the master of metamorphosis: the star of

the Berlin Zoo enjoys mud baths and within minutes after Andy and I reach his enclosure he

turns into a grizzly. We watch a show with the seals who, as far as I can tell, have a blast

chasing those herrings and fooling around with their keeper. Other than that I am quite

disappointed because some of the animals at the zoo are kept in tiny enclosures and cages

and you can tell that several have gone stir crazy.

We spend the afternoon around Kurfrstendamm and, of course, I have to show the girls

KaDeWe, the second largest department store in Europe, trumped only by Harrods in

London. One girl, a bit of an outsider but very sweet and definitely a talented artist, actually

surprises me with her reaction. While I am thinking that she probably isn't be the keenestshopper, she comes back all excited, with a beaming smile on her face she had found

heaven or, as the store administration calls it, the arts and crafts department.


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Andy and I eventually end up in the Ampelmnnchen restaurant. Yes, the little East German

traffic light man not only makes billions in t-shirts and coffee mugs, he also owns restaurants

these days. When we catch up with the girls, they are quite disappointed. The fellow that

had served them yesterday wasnt there today and I understand that the lady serving them

today was not quite as flirtatious and forthcoming.

I have the followers wait outside while I sort out the tickets to the museum. Maybe I can

score a group discount. The lady at the ticket desk is very disgruntled by the fact that I hadnt

registered the group beforehand. I tell her I wasnt aware I had to. In return, she throws a

form at me that she rudely asks me to fill out. Now I am getting seriously annoyed all I

want is a few tickets and she makes me jump through hoops here. While I am filling out the

stupid thing to show my cooperativeness and endless gratitude for her dealing with an

inferior being like myself, I ask her if everyone really has to do this as it had never happened

to me before. She is about to explode, probably because I am questioning her methods, and

barks at me that I would have to pay for the tickets if I didnt complete the form. And all of a

sudden she becomes my best friend. Once I sign this piece of paper, the group gets in for

free. I thank her with a big smile (not sure shes ever seen one, let alone tried it herself) and

let my people outside celebrate the best tour guide to walk this planet.I am not going in with them this time. I have seen the museum and they certainly dont need

me for that. Instead I am meeting friends who were kind enough to come into the city centre

to see me. They are new parents and as much as I enjoy seeing them, their son outshines

them by far. We have a nice walk before we have to say good-bye again and I am back on

duty.

We spent the groups last evening in the Nikolai Quarter, the historical heart of Berlin. The

place has an unique mixture of Renaissance, Baroque and concrete slab facades. I never

know what to make of this area it is a nice walk and the numerous cafs and restaurants all

look very inviting but none of it is original. The quarter was completely destroyed in the

World War II bomb raids and the East German government rebuilt it for tourists to show itsnewfound appreciation of history. Anyway, the weather is great, I am in wonderful company

and so I decide that for now I love the place. Andy and I have a cup of in the sunshine and

soon we are joined by a couple of the girls. After a bit of You say it! No, you say it! they

finally dare to ask whether they could get some time to explore Berlin on their own. Andy is

up for it and we make sure everybody has his and my phone number and knows what the

station for the hotel is. As soon as they are gone, we start to worry. After all, it is a Friday

night in Berlin. But then again, what could possibly happen? They are in groups and know

how to reach us at any time.

We sit outside a nice little place with what turns out to be mediocre service, order dinner

and some amber nectar and just chat about basically everything that comes to mind. I pointout to Andy that my friendship only lasts as long as my contract. On Sunday, when the next

tour starts, I will have a new best friend. We order another beer to drown our sorrows. We

are actually running a bit late on the way back, but in a good mood. I get the chewing gum

out so I wont smell of our little farewell party. This feels like sneaking in back into your

parents place after sneaking out to go to the party they said no to. Just as we get off the

train, my phone rings two girls are back at the hotel and they cant find us in the lobby. I

tell them well be there in two minutes. We actually make it in one because a massive rain

shower decides to unload itself as we exit the station. The rest of the girls are running late as

they had forgot the time will all their activities, but they called to let us know they were safe

so it wasnt a problem at all.


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Day 8. Theres not much for me to do today other than packing my stuff. I checked that the

flight was going as scheduled despite a strike by the airlines cabin crews so it should be

smooth sailing from now on. Andy hands me his and the groups tour evaluation as well as

the other discreet envelope that is always a bit awkward to accept, but rather important as

tour guides arent exactly overpaid.

At the airport we go for a coffee because the check-in desk for this flight hasn't opened yet.

We take a few last pictures and I ask the girls whether they are ready to go home. Yes,

because though it was a great adventure, they would love to be back with their families. No,

because there is so much more to do and to see. I am more than happy with that answer,

anything else would have meant either their parents or I had done a bad job. Once they have

checked in, its time to say good-bye. I always try to say something heartfelt instead of

prefabricated phrases from the unwritten handbook. At the same time, I dont want to be

dramatic or pathetic. There they are, looking at me. I take it that they dont quite know what

to do so I ask: Hugs? And hug is what we do.

I stay around a little longer, in the background, while they go through security. Then I find

my terminal to check in for my flight to Vienna where Ill start another tour. At this point, Idont know yet how stressful that other tour will be; how annoying their group leader, that

my colleagues and I will call the Strawberryblonde Witch, will be; how disinterested and

misbehaved those kids will be; how their chaperones wont do anything about it and behave

even worse; how I will plot plans to lose the group on the way and then wont go through

with it because I want to make sure they get back on that plane that brought them here;

how much I will miss these girls and Andy; how, after a particularly terrible day, happy I will

be to get an email from Andy with funny snapshots which he took on tour. Speaking of

which I have yet to reply to that message so on behalf of The Company That Shall Remain

Unnamed I would like to thank you for travelling with us, we hope that you enjoyed the

tour and we will welcome you again soon.


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May June So Social Club e Mini Mag